I Love Lucy (1951) s06e06 Episode Script

Off to Florida

"Off to Florida" ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) (theme song ending) (doorbell ringing) Hi, honey.
What are you ringing the bell for? I couldn't find my key.
Don't tell me you lost your key again.
Certainly not.
I haven't lost it.
I just couldn't find it.
That's the third key that you've lost in one month.
Now, honey, let's not fight.
You're leaving tonight.
We're going to be separated for three whole days.
Let's not spoil our last few hours together.
All right, all right.
Hi, Mommy.
Hello, sweetie pie.
Well, what have we here? I caught a fish.
Well, I'll say you did.
You're getting ready for Florida, huh? Uh-huh.
Mommy? What, darling? Why aren't you going fishing with us? Well, just the men in the family are going fishing, honey.
You and Uncle Fred and Daddy are going.
Mommy and Aunt Ethel are going to meet you down there in about three days.
Oh, boy! We're gonna have fun! You bet you're gonna have fun.
Say, you bought a lot of stuff, didn't you? Well, honey, you don't want me to look tacky.
After all, you and your band are appearing at the Eden Roc Hotel.
Well, well.
Honey, I bought you a lot of things for Florida, too.
Look at this.
See? You wear this on the boat.
There you are, Commodore.
Hey, that's cute.
Hey, look, Ricky.
Mommy bought you a bathing suit.
That's mine.
Yours? Relax.
It stretches when it's on.
See that it does.
Ricky, look at this, honey.
For a great big boy who's going on a trip with his daddy, he has just got to have a wallet.
Oh, boy! Thanks.
What's it for? Oh, well, honey, it's to keep things in.
You know, like money and pictures and valuable things that you don't want to lose.
See? It's just like Daddy's.
Just like Daddy's, there won't be money in it.
Oh, push-tush.
Well, let me see now.
You're going on the Sunshine Limited.
You leave Penn Station Thursday at We'll meet you at the station in North Miami.
Now, make sure that you put these in a place that you don't lose them.
Honey, sometimes you treat me just like a child.
Have I ever lost any train tickets before? Yes.
Have I ever lost any train tickets to Florida before? We've never been to Florida before.
There you are.
Look, from here on, they're your responsibility.
Well, honey, don't worry about them.
I'm going to put them right over here where I know where they are.
There they are! Well, maybe they'd be a lot safer over there.
If I ever lost them, I'd never hear the end of it.
Maybe you'd better use my wallet, Mommy.
Oh, no, honey.
Now, that's just for you.
I'll leave them right here in the desk.
I know they'll be perfectly safe in there.
Well, maybe there's a better place.
Let's see.
Good morning.
What's the matter? Now, Ethel, don't get panicky.
Now, Ethel, don't get panicky.
I'll find them.
Lucy! Don't tell me you've lost our train tickets.
Don't get panicky, Ethel.
(drawers banging in other room) Ethel? What? Get panicky.
Oh, Lucy, of all the stupid things to do.
Oh, if Ricky finds out about this, he'll kill me.
Not this time he won't.
I intend to do the job myself.
Now, Ethel, don't get excited.
Look, all I have to do is call him on the telephone and tell him to wire me some more money.
Oh, yeah, that'll be great, except for one thing.
What's that? They're out on a boat where they can't be reached.
Oh, darn it.
Honestly, Lucy.
Well, maybe we have enough to buy two more train tickets.
How much money did Fred leave you? $18 and a half a sheet of Green Stamps.
Well, let's see now.
I have $32 and 24 cents.
That's over $50.
That's not nearly enough for two train fares to Florida.
Well, um is it enough for one train fare and and one half-fare for a very large, blond, chubby child? It is not.
Well, maybe one of us could go.
Which one? The one of us that that has a little child down there that needs her? Oh, no, you don't.
Either we both go to Florida or nobody goes.
All right, all right.
There must be some way for both of us to get down there.
How? Well I know! By sharing a ride! Sharing a ride? Sure.
In a car.
You know, people are always looking for passengers to share the cost of gas and stuff.
Here they are.
Now, let's see.
Here's one.
La-la-la-la! Mrs.
Ricardo, you were right.
You two don't take up any more room than one.
No, it's, it's really quite roomy.
Isn't it, Ethel? Oh, roomy isn't the word for it.
In fact, the word for it is cramped.
Grundy, uh, I'm getting a little hungry.
So am I.
After all, we have been on the road since 6:30 this morning.
Well, we've got to push on if we're going to get to Florida in Well, I know, but it's 1:30 already, and don't you think we'd better start looking for a place to eat? We can't stop and dawdle for things like lunch.
Well, aren't you ever gonna stop and eat? Oh! Didn't I tell you to pack a lunch? No, you didn't tell us to pack a lunch.
We thought we'd stop along the road.
All you'll find on the road are hot dog and hamburger stands.
Well, what's that you're eating? It's a watercress sandwich.
Well, I guess you wouldn't find too many watercress sandwich stands along the road.
Care to try one? No, I don't I'd love to! Help yourself.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you! Oh boy.
There you are, Lucy.
Like it? Not bad.
Not bad at all.
Very tasty if you like buttered grass.
I love buttered grass.
All right.
Beddy-bye, everyone.
What are we stopping here for? I don't see any motel.
Who needs a motel? What do you mean? GRUNDY: Didn't I tell you to bring a sleeping bag? No, you didn't tell us to bring a sleeping bag.
Look, Mrs.
Grundy, if there's anything else you forgot to tell us, please tell us now.
Listen to me, Missy.
If you're going to get testy, you can just get out and walk the rest of the way.
You've got our money.
Nighty-night! Well, uh, where are we supposed to sleep? Well, the car is very comfortable.
Let's see, now.
It's, uh, it's 12:30.
I'd like to be on the road at 4:00 in the morning.
Yoo-hoo! You want the upper or the lower? (music plays on radio) NEWSCASTER: And now for your early morning edition of the news.
Evelyn Holmby, gray-haired hatchet murderess whose spectacular escape from the New York State Prison for Women three days ago astounded the nation, is still at large.
Police are tracking down reports that (switches radio off) (thud) (yawns) Where are we? South Carolina.
What happened to North Carolina? Hey, we must have traveled over 200 miles this morning.
Sure have.
I always take the back roads.
You make much better time on them.
(loud popping) What's that? What's that? Oh! Oh, boy! She's flat all right.
Whew! She sure is.
Flat as a pancake.
Do you have to mention food? Well, I guess this is a chance for me to catch a little catnap.
A nap? Now? Who's gonna change the tire? Well, after all, I've been doing all the driving.
I'm sure you two wouldn't mind changing a tire.
GRUNDY: You'll find everything you need in the trunk.
I hope we find a mechanic back there.
I don't know anything about changing a tire.
I do.
I watched Ricky and Fred on our trip to California.
It's a cinch.
It is? Whew! Well, she's got a lot of gadgets in here.
There's a hammer.
Here's sort of a bent-looking thing.
Here's a a hatchet.
I wonder what she does with this.
(mimicking Mrs.
Grundy): Oh, didn't I tell you to bring a hatchet along? We might have to chop our way through the Everglades.
I got to get this tire out of here.
Now, let's see.
You'd better get the jack out of the back.
All right.
Oh, dear.
Lucy What? what does a jack look like? Oh, Ethel, you're such a dumb bunny.
Anybody knows what a jack looks like.
It's a It's a with a Lucy.
What? I don't see any with a back here.
Oh, Ethel.
There it is.
That isn't a with a All right, so it's a with a That's it, huh? It couldn't be anything else.
ETHEL: Gosh, you're smart.
I'm not so smart.
I'm just observant.
What do you do now? Put it under the car and pump it up.
Where under the car do you put it? Just anywhere.
Oh, dear.
Is it moving? Not a bit.
Come here and help me.
What do I do now? Now just pump steady.
Just-just steady.
Oh! Now it's getting harder.
(jack clanging) Is it supposed to do that? (mocking tone): No, it isn't supposed to do that.
It's her fault for having such thin fenders.
What do we do now, Lucy? Let the jack down.
Let it down, huh? Good heavens.
All right.
Not yet.
Not yet.
Now we got it.
Getting it? Yeah.
(hammering repeatedly) There.
She'll never know the difference.
What? You must have put the jack in the wrong place.
No kidding.
Now it's off the ground.
Oh, good.
Hey, look, Lucy! What? It's not flat anymore.
(derisive mumbling) Oh, dear.
Mira que cosa loca la goma esta! Mira que cosa loca la goma esta! What are you doing that for? That's what Ricky always does when he changes a tire.
Mira que cosa loca la goma esta! See? It works.
Hey, no wonder it wouldn't come off.
It's screwed on.
Oh, yeah.
Well, maybe that's what this thing is for.
You think so? Yeah.
See? It's all groovy.
Oh! Lucy! Whoa! Lucy! Oh! Oh, honey You'd better hold the tire.
Yeah, I'd better hold it, huh? Good girl.
Hey, how about this? We changed a tire all by ourselves, huh, girl? That's something, huh? Yeah.
Too bad we can't tell Ricky and Fred about it.
They'd never believe it anyway.
They wouldn't, would they? No.
Well, there we are.
I would say that is a good job well done.
What happened?! Lucy, we put the same tire back on we took off.
No! Mira que cosa loca la goma esta! (crickets chirping) Oh, it's five minutes to 4:00.
Lucy, did you sleep at all? Who can sleep with all that noise? Sounds like feeding time in a pet shop.
Wouldn't you know she'd park us right in the middle of the Everglades.
Maybe some music will lull us to sleep.
Well, let's try it.
(switch clicking) (slow big band music playing) Okay.
NEWSCASTER: Now here's the latest bulletin on the Evelyn Holmby case.
Police have definitely established that Evelyn Holmby, famous gray-haired hatchet murderess who escaped from New York State Prison Thursday, is heading south in a cream-colored convertible coupe.
Stand by for further bulletins.
And now back to our recorded music.
(slow big band music playing) (switches radio off) What did you turn it off for? Did you hear what he said? Yeah.
So what? Which way are we heading? South.
Gray-haired Cream-colored convertible Oh, Lucy, that's just a coincidence.
But think.
It all fits.
Likes to drive in the dark.
Won't stop at motels.
Uses back roads.
Just why do you suppose, she uses back roads? She told us.
To save time.
Oh, sure.
She uses back roads to avoid the police.
Oh, Lucy, I don't believe it.
The woman they're looking for is a hatchet murderess.
She doesn't look like a Hatchet! Hatchet! (stammering) We're just jumping to conclusions.
She brought that hatchet along to, uh to, uh To what? Chop watercress?! Ethel, that woman definitely has a criminal face.
She's really that Evelyn Holmby the police are looking for.
No! Yes! So we got to make a break for it.
Come on.
In the middle of a swamp? What difference does it make? Come on, let's get out of here.
Up! What do we do now? I don't know, but whatever you do, don't fall asleep.
Fall asleep? Oh! Well, it won't be long now.
(switches radio on) NEWSCASTER: That winds up the news from Washington today.
And here's the latest bulletin on Evelyn Holmby, escaped hatchet murderess.
Police have learned that, before leaving New York, she dyed her gray hair red, and is heading south with a blonde companion.
(turns off radio) What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, I was just admiring your lovely red hair.
Is it dyed? Dyed? Who died? My hair! Of course it isn't dyed.
It's very pretty.
Lucy, we got to call the police.
How are we going to get her to stop? What are you two muttering about? Oh, nothing, nothing.
I I I just remembered that I I I left the water running in my bathtub before I left New York.
I've got to stop someplace and call my landlady.
I thought you said she was your landlady.
Oh, yeah.
Landlady, my tub's running over.
I've just remembered that I I've got to stop, too.
I've got to make a a phone call.
There's a place up there.
Where's the phone? No, let her go.
It's a very important phone call.
No, no, no.
Sorry, ladies.
That phone's out of order.
Coffee, ladies? Coffee? Yeah.
Yeah, let's have some coffee.
Let's have a cup of coffee, huh? Have some coffee.
We won't need these.
Pfft! Pfft! Y'all must be from the north.
New York.
New York.
Heading south.
All three of us- me, this redhead and this blonde.
You notice how gray her hair is? Care for some more coffee? Um Yes.
I'd like a second help-ing.
When will your telephone be fixed? First thing tomorrow morning.
I've got to fetch something out of the car.
I'll be right back! She's going out to get the hatchet! She's the hatchet murderer! She's the one that escaped! Yeah.
The police are looking for her.
How can we get in touch with the police? Now, calm yourself, ma'am.
They just caught that hatchet lady in Kentucky.
They did? They did? Yeah.
I just heard it on the radio 'fore y'all came in.
You and your wild ideas.
Well Oh, I feel terrible.
Just terrible.
(car engine roaring) You're going to feel a lot worse.
She just drove off without us.
No! Why do you suppose she did that? I don't know.
Thank goodness she threw our suitcases off before she left.
A lot of good that will do us.
How are we going to get from here to Miami? Well, how's your right thumb? Oh Oh, no, you don't.
I'm not going to hitchhike all the way to Miami.
It's either that or walk, and I think it's about 100 miles.
Did you hear that, thumb? Get going.
Oh, honestly.
I might have known, if I listened to you, I'd end up hitchhiking to Florida.
Well, we got here, didn't we? Yeah, on a poultry truck with 85 live chickens.
You'll have to admit it beat walking.
A few more feathers and I could have flown.
Remember, now.
When the boys get here, tell them we came in on the train, and and they'll never know what happened.
I'm not sure I know what happened myself.
Here they come.
RICKY: Oh, hi, dear! Ha, ha! ETHEL: Oh, I missed you! Hello, honey.
How are you? Hi, sweetheart.
Did you have a nice trip? Oh, it was fabulous.
Just fabulous.
Wasn't it, Ethel? Oh, that's what it was- just fabulous.
I don't think this warm weather agrees with you, honeybunch.
You're molting.
Sweetie pie.
I sure missed you, honey.
Well, thank you, dear.
Listen uh there's a couple of things that I'd like you to 'splain.
What? Well, first of all, how come you got here an hour before the train? Huh? I just checked.
The train is an hour late.
It is? Yeah.
RICKY: And another thing- how come you got here without any tickets? I just, uh, found your tickets in Little Ricky's wallet.
You what?! You said you wanted them in a safe place, Mommy.
Well, so I did, honey.
I did tell him that How did you get here? It's a long story.
How did we get here? (applause) (closing orchestral flourish playing) ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy" starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz has been presented for your pleasure by Instant Sanka, the hardy coffee you can drink as strong as you like, it still can't affect your nerves.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Elsa Lanchester appeared in the role of Edna Grundy, and the man in the coffee shop was Strother Martin.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.