I Love Lucy (1951) s06e23 Episode Script


(light-hearted music playing) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Hurry up, Ricky! You'll be late for work.
Good-bye, honey.
You got five minutes to get to the station.
(exhales) Hi, honey.
Oh, hi.
How's Ricky enjoying his vacation? Oh vacation! (chuckles) Honey, could you move down a little? Where you going to sweep next? I'm all through.
Why don't you come over and talk to me, honey? Talk? Sure, you don't have to do all that dustin' and swipin' now.
Well, I'm afraid I do, dear.
The house gets pretty dirty if I don't do my "dustin' and swippin'" every day.
Honey? Yeah.
You missed a spot here.
Right along the edge there, see? Right along that edge there.
(sighs) Look, honey, this is your vacation.
Wouldn't you like to be doing something? No, no, I just want to sit here and relax.
Top of the picture there.
Honey, why don't you call up little Freddie Mertz and ask him to come over and play with you? You know Fred isn't in town for the morning.
He's in New York, remember? Yeah.
What is that? A piece of lint.
You must have missed it with the carpet sweeper.
Thank you very much.
What do you want me to do with it? Why don't you get yourself a scrapbook and start a lint collection? Look, honey, why don't you go for a walk or go out to the village or go out and talk to the chickens or something? No, I don't want to do anything.
This is my vacation.
I just want to sit here and relax.
(sighs) How comes there's no cigarette in the cigarette box? Well, I haven't had time to fill them yet this morning, dear.
There's a whole drawerful in the kitchen.
Oh, thank you.
Whew, a whole week with the Cuban Kibitzer.
You say something? A whole drawerful in the kitchen, dear.
Cigarettes Oh.
loaded with them.
Lucy? What? What's the meaning of this? What's the meaning of this? Yes.
Well, this is my wedding ring.
It means that we're married.
It means you're my husband, I'm you're wife and we have a child by this union.
I know all of that.
What is it doing in the windowsill on top of the kitchen sink? Well, that's where I put it every morning.
You see, every morning after breakfast I take it off, I put it on the windowsill.
Then I wash the dishes.
Then I come in here, and I do my housework.
I go back into the kitchen, I take it off the windowsill and put it back on my finger.
Well, that's the easiest way in the world to lose your wedding ring.
Well, I've been doing it for 16 years, and I haven't lost it yet.
Why you have to take it off? Because dishwater is very hard on diamond rings.
When we got married you said you will never take your ring off.
When we got married, you said that dishwater would never touch these lily white hands.
Well, I bought you a pair of rubber gloves, didn't I? Right.
That's the easiest way to lose a ring is to take it off and leave it someplace.
You forgot you put it there Look, Ricky and then you lose it I don't know if you realize it or not, but ever since you started your vacation you've done nothing but pick on me and criticize.
LITTLE RICKY: Daddy let's fly my new kite.
Yeah, go fly a kite.
All right, son.
Come on.
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi.
What are you doing? Trying to keep Ricky out of my hair.
What do you mean? Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do with him home for a whole week.
He's driving me crazy.
Oh, now you know how I feel every week.
I'm going to have to cook up a project to keep him occupied.
A project, huh? Yeah.
Well, how about that barbecue he and Fred are planning to build out on the patio? Gee, I don't know.
That sounds like work.
All he wants to do is sit around and relax.
I don't know how I'd get him to build a barbecue.
Why don't you use the method I always use when I want Fred to do something? What's that? Well, I start the project myself, and then Fred sees me and he says, "Ethel, that's not the way to do that.
" And then he goes ahead and does it himself.
Ethel, you're getting to be a pretty tricky thinker.
Well, I've been around the old master for so long, I guess some of you has rubbed off on me.
(hearty chuckle) (loudly): Well, Ethel, I guess we're ready to build the old barbecue now.
Yeah, we've never built one before, but let's give it a try.
I don't think he heard us.
Make a lot of noise.
Here he comes.
Here he Uh, guess you better put the cement in there, Ethel.
Might as well look like we're starting, anyway.
Oh, okay.
We're probably gonna need a lot more cement, too, don't you think? Yep.
Got all the cement in there.
Got plenty of bricks though, I think.
LUCY: Yeah.
We may need What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh, we're building the barbecue, dear.
Wait a minute.
Fred and I are gonna do that next month.
Oh, I know, but the weather's so warm, we got kind of anxious to have it built, so Ethel and I thought we'd just go ahead and do it.
Yeah, just because we've never built one before doesn't mean we can't build this one.
Now here's where I thought we'd put it, Ethel.
Right over here.
This seems like the best place, see? Yeah.
And then I figure that the grill should be up, say, about that high, to keep the smoke out of our eyes.
Now, won't that make it kind of awkward for cooking? Well, we'll get a little stepladder and stand on that.
Oh, a stepladder, sure.
Wait, a minute.
Where are the blueprints? Blueprints? The plans.
Oh, who needs plans? We'll just create as we go along.
Yeah, we thought we'd just ad-lib this barbecue.
Now, just a minute, girls, just a minute.
It is very obvious that you don't know what you're doing.
I better do this job myself.
Well, Ethel, I guess that's right.
I guess they do know more about it than we do.
Yeah, building a barbecue is man's work.
LUCY: Yeah.
Well, let us know how you're doing, dear.
Hold on, I'll need some help.
Help? Yeah, sure, while I'm doing the brickwork you two can be mixing the cement, so pour the water in there and get going.
I'll go get the blueprints.
Well, you pour the water right in there.
That's what he said.
I know what he said.
Doesn't seem to be mixing together very well.
Maybe we're supposed to help it along.
Well, all right.
Oh, my ring.
Oh Well, don't just stand there.
Come on.
Oh, Lucy.
What are you doing now? Mixing the cement, like you told us to.
You're not supposed to put your hands in there.
You're supposed to mix it with that hoe over there.
Now he tells us.
FRED: Hey.
Hi, Fred! Hi! ETHEL: Oh, hi, Fred.
What in Sam Hill's going on around here? Well, we're going to build the barbecue.
I thought we were going to do that next month.
I know, but the weather got so nice, we thought we'd start right away.
Well, then, I'll go and put on my working clothes and come back and help you.
Thank you.
FRED: You're welcome.
RICKY: Okay, Fred.
All right.
Well, as long as you have Fred to help you, guess you won't be needing us, dear.
No, we'll just go on in the house.
Now, just a minute.
Just a minute.
For a job like that, it's very good to have some helpers.
Uh, you can mix the cement and hand us the brick while we're doing the work.
Now, go on, get going, mix the cement.
And put some more water in there, Ethel.
Lucy, you pile all these bricks over there in a nice little nice pile over there.
All the bricks over there.
Nice and neat.
Keep it moving, Ethel.
Yes, sir.
Hurry up, honey.
Well, Fred, how about it, huh? Well, if I do say so myself, it looks pretty good.
Pretty good? Why, it's a work of art.
(chuckling) I hope the gals got dinner ready.
I'm starved.
Yeah, me, too.
Well, we get Ay, mira que tiene cosa, la mujer esta What's wrong, what's wrong? Oh, Lucy- I never seen anyone as careless as she is.
Look where she left her ring.
Well, that's one problem I'll never have with Ethel.
She's careful, huh? No, her fingers have gotten so fat she can't get her ring off.
You know what I got a notion to do? No.
I'm going to hide this ring in my pocket.
Oh? And let's see how long it takes her to find out that it's missing.
ETHEL AND LUCY: Surprise! Hi! RICKY: Surprise.
Hi! (Ricky shouts) FRED: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Honey, don't put it there.
That's still wet, dear.
That's still wet.
Don't do that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh (chuckles): Gosh.
What were you going to do? Well, we're gonna initiate our new barbecue.
We were going to cook hamburgers.
Oh, well, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.
You see, this needs about 12 hours, at least, before it sets.
Oh Oh RICKY: Gotta dry.
Well, honey, save it for tomorrow.
Well, okay.
We can cook them tomorrow.
We'll make something else tonight, then, hon.
All right.
I'll go home and clean up.
Wait a minute, Fred.
Lucy? Hmm? Uh be sure that when you're ready to give Fred a ring.
Yeah, Lucy, give me a ring.
What are you talking about? I'll call you on the intercom.
Why should I give you a ring? We have an intercom now.
Why? Lucy, you can cook macaroni and cheese for me anytime.
Oh, thanks, Ethel.
I'll wash, you dry.
No, I'll wash, you dry.
What's the matter? Oh, no.
What's the matter, Lucy? My ring is missing.
I've lost my ring.
Oh, now, Lucy, are you sure? Yes.
Oh, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time.
This morning Ricky found my ring just lying here, and he just about hit the ceiling.
Oh, well, now think, girl.
When do you remember wearing it last? Let's see now after Ricky gave it back to me, I put it on my finger and I left it on until I took it off to mix the cement.
I remember.
I saw you put it on the bench.
It must be still on there.
I left it right here.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
It isn't here.
No, it isn't.
Maybe it fell through the slats.
Oh, Ethel, I don't see it.
(gasps) Maybe it fell in one of those pails of water.
And we used that water to mix the cement.
Oh, Ethel.
My wedding ring is someplace in this barbecue.
What are you going to do? What else can we do? Now, Lucy, I'm not going to start taking this whole barbecue apart.
Neither one of us are, right now.
We're gonna have to wait until the boys are asleep.
No, Lucy, I'm just not going to do it.
I won't do it! Now, Ethel, I'd do it for you if you'd lost your wedding ring.
If I lost my wedding ring we wouldn't have to find it, we'd just have to buy another box of Cracker Jack.
Ethel, it's my wedding ring, the one that I've had for 16 years.
The one that Ricky slipped on my finger when we promised to love, honor and obey.
When the minister said, "Do you take this woman to be your la?" Look, before you start singing "O, Promise Me," I'll help you.
Oh, thanks, Ethel.
I just got to find that ring.
Well Now look, after Fred gets to sleep, you meet me out here, see? Okay.
You know, it's times like these I wished I'd have kept a diary.
Why? Just so I could write, "Dear Diary, "tonight I went out in the backyard in my nightgown and felt wet cement.
" Oh, now, Ethel Oh, Lucy, that's the last of it.
Where can your ring be? (sobbing): I don't know Now, honey, it'll turn up someplace.
Oh, gee, it's 2:30.
I got to get some sleep.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I'm beat, too.
(sniffling) What are you doing? I'm putting the barbecue back together again.
Lucy, that'll take you all night.
Listen, I'm going to be in enough trouble when Ricky finds out I lost my wedding ring.
I'd hate to think what he'd do if he sees this.
I could have been in a nice, quiet apartment in New York.
No, I had to move to Connecticut so I could be near you.
I don't blame you for the way you feel, Ethel.
You go on to bed, I'll do this.
Good night.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
(sighs) Oh, gee, Ethel, thanks.
It's times like this when you know what friends are for.
If I'd known this is what friends are for, I'd have signed up as an enemy.
RICKY: Morning! Oh, hi, honey.
Hi! Where's Ricky? Oh, he's out flying his kite.
How do you want your eggs? Oh, hold it for a minute.
I want to go out and see the barbecue.
Oh, you don't want to look at the barbecue.
(chuckling): Why not? Well, uh, you-you shouldn't look at a barbecue on an empty stomach.
Hey, that's very funny.
(chuckling) I'll be back in a minute.
(whistling) (Ricky singing) (Ricky shouting indistinctly) Lucy, everybody, hurry! Come out here and look! Hurry up! Hurry up! What happened? Oh, my goodness, how terrible! Oh, isn't that awful? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Never mind about your relatives! How did this thing happen? How should I know? That's not the barbecue we built! Of course it isn't! This is a monstrosity! I'll say! I've seen better things built by a beaver with his tail in a sling.
I- It looks like-like somebody took it apart and-and put it back together again.
Oh, for heaven's sake, who would do a thing like that? Well, what else could have happened? Well, any one of a number of things.
Like what? Well like maybe an earthquake an earthquake last night.
Yeah, that's it.
They don't have earthquakes here in Connecticut! That's not it! It looks like it was hit by a tornado.
A tornado, that's it, hit by a big fat tornado.
They don't have tornadoes in Connecticut, either.
Oh, boy, this is a dull state.
I tell you what I think it was.
ETHEL AND LUCY: What? A couple of hurricanes.
Hurricanes! Oh, hurricanes.
Yeah, Hurricane Lucy and Hurricane Ethel! Whatever makes you think a thing like that? I don't know.
But it just so happens that anytime something goes wrong around here, I got a pretty good idea where to start looking.
Well, could we help it if the cement wasn't? Aha! Aha! The cement was what? What did you say? I didn't say anything, did I, Ethel? Uh, no, no, no.
I didn't I didn't hear her say a-anything.
Daddy, Daddy! Just-just-just a minute, partner.
We're about to hear a very interesting story from your mother.
But Daddy In a minute, amigo.
All right, Lucy, let's hear it.
I'd rather hear from little amigo.
Lucy! Well, all right.
We took the barbecue apart and put it back together again.
But why? Why? Don't hold back the sordid details.
Because I lost my wedding ring, and we thought it was in the cement, but it wasn't.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Ethel! Were you really in on the shenanigans? Yes, I was in on the shenanigans, and I'm dead tired from being up all night lifting those heavy bricks.
And if you say one more word to me, Fred Mertz, I'm going to take you apart and put you back together again.
I just asked, honeybunch.
Ricky, go ahead and get mad or something and get it over with.
I'm not mad.
You're not? No, I'm not mad at all.
This is all my fault.
Your fault? Yeah I found your ring on the bench here yesterday when we were building the barbecue, so I hid it in my shirt pocket.
But why, honey? To teach you a lesson.
I wanted to find out how long it would take you before you realized it was missing.
Oh, dear.
I'll go and get it.
It's in the shirt I was wearing yesterday.
Oh, honey that shirt was all covered with cement.
I gave it to Ethel to use as a rag.
Oh, and I gave it to Fred to use on the lawnmower.
Oh, for corn's sake.
What's the matter? What's the matter? I tore it to pieces to make the tail for Little Ricky's kite.
Oh, well, where's your kite? That's what I been trying to tell you.
It flew away.
It flew away? Which way? Which way? Where?! That way! (shouting) The barbecue may look kind of funny, but it makes awful good hamburgers, huh? Yeah, I'm still going to rebuild it.
I'll cut it up for you.
It sure is an eyesore.
Here you are, honey.
ETHEL: Mmm-mm! Mmm good.
FRED (whispers): There you are.
Honey? Come on, eat your hamburger.
No, thanks, I'm not hungry.
Oh, you better have one, honey.
They're awful good.
How can I eat when my wedding ring is flying somewhere over Long Island Sound? Oh, honey I told you I'll buy you a new one.
I don't want a new one.
I want the same one.
I feel so terrible about this.
I'll tell you what.
Look, I'll buy you a new one with-with big diamonds all around it.
I don't want one with big diamonds all around it.
I want mine with the little diamonds halfway around it.
Oh, honey.
I'm sorry.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come on, sweetheart.
Come on.
Lucy, it's great.
I don't want it.
Come on.
(wailing) Oh, it tastes so good It's good, really.
ETHEL: Mm-mmm! Good, huh? Mmm! Mmm! ETHEL: Hmm, boy (shouting) What? ETHEL: What's that? What?! ETHEL: Her ring! I found my ring! Your ring! Where'd you find it? (muffled): In the hamburger.
In the hamburger?! In the hamburger! How did it get there? I don't know! ETHEL: Oh Hey, wait a minute.
ETHEL: What? I think I know.
You know, you know, yesterday when you brought that tray FRED: Yeah.
with the hamburgers and everything? ETHEL: Oh, yeah? A- And I pi-pick bend down to-to give it back to you? Yeah? Yeah? It must have fallen out of my shirt in the meat.
(all talking excitedly) Oh, Lucy, oh! Oh, boy! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! What's the matter? I want to slip it on your finger, like I did 16 years ago.
Oh honey (giggles) There you are Aw, isn't that romantic? Yeah, just like it was 16 years ago, only then my ring didn't have mustard and relish all over it.
(laughing) Oh Oh! ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy," starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, was brought to you by new Lilt, the only home permanent with squeeze-bottle magic.
The fastest, easiest home permanent ever.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) "I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.