iCarly s01e05 Episode Script

In five, four, three, two -Hey! Welcome to iCarly.
-You know who we are.
-You don't know? Okay then, I'm Carly.
-I'm Sam.
-Now you know! -Now you know! So guess what? We've been watching some action movies.
We love watching dudes fight.
Even though we know the punches aren't really real.
The actors just swing and miss, but they play a sound effect.
Like this! Looked like I punched her, right? -Oh, my God! Are you okay? -I I think so.
'Cause they also use fake blood! And now moving on Last week,one of our viewers submitted an awesome video clip to us right here at iCarly.
Com.
It's from Keri Mackler of Providence, Rhode Island.
-She's a singer.
-This girl can wail.
-Freddie, play Keri's video clip.
-Playback.
Hi, Carly.
Hey, Sam.
I love your web show.
Okay, check this out.
This is one of my mom's really good glasses.
Okay, now watch.
-Yeah! -Nice! Did you see that? Why can't she sing that note next to our math teacher's head? All right, now to finish off tonight's webcast, -my brother Spencer -An amazing artist.
is gonna show you his latest sculpture.
-His coolest one ever.
-So hit the applause button and say hello to my big brother, Spencer.
Yo! Yo! Yo! Tell the iCarly viewers about your latest masterpiece.
Okay, so the other night, I'm watching this TV show about building houses, right? And this one guy asks this other guy which he likes better, a nail gun, or a hammer.
And the guy goes, "Personally, I'm a fan of hammers.
" And when he said that, it inspired me to build this.
A fan of hammers! Sam, hit that button.
Thank you! I understand your excitement! Hey, check this out.
It actually works.
-All right! -Fan-tastic! -Is it supposed to do that? -No, not really.
No.
Hit the floor! It needs to be adjusted.
In five, four, three, two I know, you see Somehow the world will change for me.
And be so wonderful.
Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there.
And feel so wonderful.
It's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel So wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see The brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me iCarly S01E05 iWanna Stay with Spencer I got it.
If it's Freddie's mom, don't open the door.
Hey, my mom happens to be Yeah, don't.
-Granddad.
-Spencer.
-Granddad! -Carly.
How's my little gumdrop? Awesome! Did you see my web show last night? -Yes, I did, and you were adorable.
-Thanks.
So, what are you doing here in Seattle? Why didn't you tell us you were coming? What, a man can't drive 90 minutes to surprise his favourite grandkids? How come my grandfather just sleeps and burps? 'Cause he's related to you.
You remember Freddie.
Of course.
Lives right across the hall.
And I think you met Sam last time you were here.
Yes, she borrowed $10 from me and then ate my sandwich.
Nice to see you again.
Carly, I got a little present for you.
Really? A gift card for Groovy Smoothies! Thanks.
-How much? -Sam.
-Thirty bucks.
-Good man.
Let's go spend that bad boy.
I can't now.
My granddad just got here.
-Go have fun.
I'll be in town a few days.
-Okay.
-Smoothie! -Later.
Bring me back a Blueberry Banana Blitz? -Sure.
Be back whenever.
-See you whenever.
I used to get the Strawberry Splat, but then I tried the Blueberry Banana Blitz Are you out of your mind? I should have got the Strawberry Splat? I'm talking about your little stunt on Carly's webcast.
The fan of hammers.
You nearly took Carly's head off.
It was incredibly irresponsible.
It was an accident.
And I am very responsible.
You think? A responsible guardian tells a 13-year-old girl she can just come home whenever? She's just across the street.
And she's with two friends, and she has her cell phone with her at all times.
You know I was not happy when you dropped out of law school -to become an artist.
-Wow, really? You could've been a fantastic lawyer.
-I didn't wanna be a lawyer.
-Why not? Because when you're a lawyer, you can't do this.
-You had such a bright future.
-I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
I'm rocking out.
You could've been a brilliant lawyer.
That's all I'm trying to say.
But then you start making these weird sculptures and now And now you're putting Carly at risk.
So, maybe it's for the best if If Carly comes to live with me! -Carly needs a grownup.
-I am a grownup.
And I really don't think Carly wants to go live with you in Yakima.
And why is that? -'Cause she likes to have fun.
-You don't think I'm fun? That was impressive.
I'll be at the Parker-Nichols Hotel, two blocks over.
I love you, Spencer, but Carly needs a responsible adult authority figure.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hey, Spence.
I'm back with one large Blueberry Banana Blitz.
-Where have you been? -At the Groovy Smoothie.
-For a half hour? -Smoothies are thick.
-You can only suck them down so fast.
-No excuses.
-You're out of control.
-Yeah, clearly, I have a problem.
I'll check into Smoothies Anonymous tomorrow.
When you live under my roof, you live by my rules.
So always try your best to eat your vegetables! Okay, are you on some kind of new medication I should know about? -I can't do this.
-Do what? After you left, Granddad told me he doesn't think I'm responsible enough -to take care of you.
-That's insane.
He thinks you'd be better off living with him in Yakima.
Yakima? I ain't going to Yakima.
He can't do that.
Can he do that? -I don't know.
-But you're very responsible.
Our grandfather doesn't think so.
Well, we're just gonna have to change Granddad's mind, because I am not moving to Yakima.
All right.
Don't worry too much about this yet.
Just go do your homework or something.
Okay.
I mean, you go do your homework right now, young lady! -Yes, sir.
-And just say no! -Always.
-And stay in school! Maybe.
Will you chill? I'll chill after Granddad's convinced that Spencer's a responsible adult.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Hey, could you keep your hands off my equipment over there? I could, but I don't think I will.
I'm wearing my suit.
Nice.
Isn't it kind of small on you? Yeah, 'cause I only wore it once in the tenth grade for a school play.
-What role did you play? -Man in suit.
I hate it.
You're not supposed to like it.
It's supposed to help Granddad see you as a mature adult.
Okay, but can we have ice cream after he's gone? -Doorbell.
-Smells like your granddad.
-You smell like garbage.
-Your butt's shaped like a ham.
Hey, no fighting tonight.
You figure out how to tie your tie, and I'll go downstairs and stall Granddad.
Okay.
What do you want us to do? -Get out.
-Right.
Wait.
The back way.
-Granddad.
-Surprise! -An "I heart Yakima" T-shirt.
-For you.
Why'd you get me this? Carly, come.
Sit.
-I got in touch with your dad last night.
-Oh, man.
I told him I was worried about you, you know, living here with Spencer.
-And what'd he say? -He thinks Spencer is very responsible.
See? He knows what he's talking about.
Wait.
Your dad also agreed that since he's not here right now, I can decide what's best for you.
Well, what does he know? He's in the Navy on a submarine three miles under water! He's probably all dizzy! Carly, you're coming to live with me in Yakima.
No! I wanna stay here in Seattle with Spencer! Spencer needs to learn to take care of himself before he can take care of a child.
I'm not a child.
I'm just young and short.
Sweetheart Spencer's very responsible and very grown-up! Hey, you guys, I was wondering Who's ready for dinner? Please don't make me move to Yakima.
Please don't make her move to Yakima.
Yakima's a great town.
No great town can be named Yakima.
-It sounds like someone throwing up.
-It does.
Yakima.
Yakima I'm sorry.
She's coming to live with me.
Then I wore this monkey suit for nothing! Stupid tie! -You're wrong about him.
-Look, I love Spencer Then let me keep living here.
And what if something bad happens? -Nothing's gonna happen.
-You don't know that.
-Remember the hammer.
-I ducked! -What if you hadn't? -But I did.
Can't you see? I'm only thinking of what's best for you.
No! What about school? You can transfer to Yakima Junior High.
Gross! I'm sorry, baby.
My mind's made up.
You can have a day to pack up your things and say goodbye to your friends.
We leave tomorrow night.
Call for help.
I can't believe you're moving.
Well, believe it, 'cause it's happening.
You know, I ought to go tell your grandfather a thing or two.
If only you knew a thing or two.
-Can I have this? -I'm moving.
I'm not dying.
But don't you want me to have something to remember you by? -Like 9,000 of your favourite songs? -Give it.
-I'm just trying to cheer you up.
-You can't cheer me up.
I'm moving to Yakima.
I'm gonna be a Yakimite or a Yakimaneeshin.
-Yakimaniac.
-You're Yakimannoying.
So, what about our show? I don't see how we're gonna do iCarly any more.
This whole thing is so lame.
So Spencer is a little unusual.
Big deal.
It doesn't mean he can't take care of me.
Hey, what if we think of a way for your granddad to see that Spencer's a good guardian? -Yeah.
-How? I could pretend to do something really terrible.
Right.
Something that'll get Spencer really upset with you.
Yeah! Then he'll freak out and yell at me right in front of Granddad.
Which'll make him realise Spencer's a responsible authority figure.
-I love it.
-So what bad thing are you gonna do? I don't know.
Let's think of something.
I enjoy this assignment.
It's open.
I thought you weren't coming to get Carly till later.
She called and asked me to come here for dinner.
-Did she? -Yes.
Maybe she's handling this whole thing more maturely than you are.
Maybe she is.
Must you look in my wok? I just wanna know what you're cooking for dinner.
Chicken stir-fry.
That okay? Or do you think Mr Chicken should go pack his bags and live with you in Yakima? Will you stop trying to pick fights You're just mad 'cause I don't wanna be a lawyer like you.
-I love you, Spencer.
-You're here.
You're upsetting But I love Carly, too, and as her grandfather, it's my responsibility Hey, guys.
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
Carly! What have you done? Well, I figured since I'm going to a new school, it's a perfect time to, you know, reinvent myself.
You like? -Like? -You look fantastic.
-What? -What? I mean, you really like it? Yeah, you got the crazy hair and the piercings.
It's so in your face, you know, like, "Boo!" -You approve of this? -Give us a sec.
How can you think she looks good like that? -I don't.
-Then why did you tell her that -She's a little teenager.
-But You gotta let kids express themselves.
I always let Carly express herself.
Can I interrupt? -Not now! -Quiet, Carly.
Look, this is just a phase.
And what's her next phase? Stealing cars? Swimming with hobos? I don't think hobos enjoy swimming.
This just proves that you are unfit to take care of my granddaughter.
She's my little sister, and I am very responsible, no matter what you say.
I know everything that goes on around here.
-Guys? -What? -Fire! -Don't just yell! Do something! Yes, we have a kitchen fire.
Please send help right away.
And I just bought this broom! Don't worry, we're just gonna go Quiet, I'm saving your life! -Careful with her! -Run, old man, run! Too many people in my lobby! Keep off my floor.
I just mopped! Just wait in the car, Mom! Man! Hey.
Freddie texted me saying you guys had a fire.
-Nice rods and rings.
-If you like them, take them.
I already told my granddad and Spencer they were fake.
-Why? -'Cause Spencer thought I looked good.
Then his chicken burst into flames, and now I'm moving to Yakima.
So this fire is your fault.
Mrs Benson, please Because of you I had to stop right in the middle of rubbing anti-tick lotion on Freddie.
-Mom, I don't have ticks.
-They hide in your leg hair.
-I don't have leg hair! -Which worries me deeply! I'm sorry.
I was making dinner and it caught on fire.
Well you're lucky no one got hurt.
-Anti-tick lotion? -It's precautionary! You were right.
Okay? I am irresponsible.
Carly should go live with you.
Spencer! Well, I'm glad you see it my way, Spence.
You can come visit any time you like.
All right, fire's out.
It's all clear.
-How's the damage? -Nothing too bad.
This is some good chicken stir-fry! Okay.
This is my last suitcase.
I'm ready to ruin my life.
Look, I know you're upset, kiddo, but once you smell that Yakima air, you'll feel better.
Yes, the sweet smell of Yakima.
-Here.
-What's this? Everything you need to know about taking care of Carly.
I listed all her allergies, the number for poison control.
-She has allergies? -Yes.
These are Carly's favourite foods, drinks, soups and chowders.
Aren't soups and chowders the same thing? No, there's a distinction.
This is her homework schedule and the phone number for a good tutor, 'cause she's been having some trouble with science.
These are the vitamins she needs to take every day.
I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs.
-Why? -Dinosaurs are cool.
And she's really into drinking coffee, but I always give her decaf without telling her.
-What? -Nothing.
Keep it.
Thank you, Spencer.
This is impressive.
Wow, thanks.
-So, this is it.
-This is it.
Be strong, Freddie.
So, who's gonna take the blame when I put live lobsters in the trunk of Ms Briggs' car? Will you at least try to stay out of trouble? Nope.
Well.
We should go.
Long drive, lots of traffic.
Okay.
Well, I guess this is -No! -Freddie, let go of my legs.
I got him.
Sorry, lost my cool for a sec there.
You can't lose what you never had.
Okay.
Let's go.
Aren't you gonna say goodbye to Spencer? We already did before you came up.
Okay, then.
Will you guys come down to the lobby with me? -Sure.
-Of course.
Man.
Wait! Hello? No, Freddie's not here, Mrs Benson.
I don't know when I grew leg hair! I gotta go! Wait! More people! Okay, the car's right out front.
Young man, would you mind getting the rest Carly! Wait! -You forgot this! -What's that? My asthma inhaler.
I haven't had an asthma attack since I was seven.
Well, yeah, but you know, you never know.
-Why'd you keep that all these years? -In case she needed it.
I'm not gonna need it.
Take it.
Just in case.
No.
I'm not gonna need this.
-Look, asthma's tricky -I'm not gonna need this, because I want Carly to stay here with you.
-Are you serious? -Really? Thank you! Thank you so much! Would somebody remove this young man from my trousers? Just remember, I'll be dropping in on you guys from time to time.
-Please! -Any time! 'Cause I still think you're a bit of a nut-bar.
Why? 'Cause I do this? Don't do that.
You do it like this.
You guys are so embarrassing.
If you're gonna do it, do it right.