Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e14 Episode Script
Make Womb for Daddy
narrator: Coming up, what has joe and murr jumping for joy? cucumbers! Joe and murr jumping for joy? cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
narrator: Why is sal all [ both laugh .]
narrator: Why is sal all smiles? narrator: Why is sal all smiles? And why is tonight's big loser Smiles? And why is tonight's big loser throwing temper tantrum? And why is tonight's big loser throwing temper tantrum? [ grunts .]
Throwing temper tantrum? [ grunts .]
aah! [ grunts .]
aah! prepare for something Aah! prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we are teaming up at america's sub shop, blimpie! while helping customers get America's sub shop, blimpie! while helping customers get their sandwich on, we'll have to while helping customers get their sandwich on, we'll have to do and say what the other guys Their sandwich on, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Do and say what the other guys tell us.
if you refuse anything, you Tell us.
if you refuse anything, you lose! if you refuse anything, you lose! carve up, fellas! Lose! carve up, fellas! It's go time! carve up, fellas! It's go time! [ laughter .]
joe, stab murray in his throat.
no, no, no.
Throat.
no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
I don't want to lose.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
I don't want to lose.
refuse -- refuse that.
I don't want to lose.
refuse -- refuse that.
I can't lose.
I can't lose.
[ laughing .]
welcome to blimpie.
[ laughing .]
welcome to blimpie.
How are you? welcome to blimpie.
How are you? great.
How's it going? How are you? great.
How's it going? since it's a mother-daughter great.
How's it going? since it's a mother-daughter combo, we're gonna go easy on since it's a mother-daughter combo, we're gonna go easy on you guys.
Combo, we're gonna go easy on you guys.
Just bump into each other a lot.
You guys.
Just bump into each other a lot.
I'm gonna get the blimpie Just bump into each other a lot.
I'm gonna get the blimpie best.
I'm gonna get the blimpie best.
half-inch? Best.
half-inch? yes.
half-inch? yes.
oh, I'm sorry.
yes.
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
excuse me.
oh, I'm sorry.
excuse me.
what's on the french dip? excuse me.
what's on the french dip? the french dip? what's on the french dip? the french dip? oh.
the french dip? oh.
We usually do swiss.
oh.
We usually do swiss.
french dip is swiss with -- We usually do swiss.
french dip is swiss with -- with the roast beef.
french dip is swiss with -- with the roast beef.
it's on the ciabatta.
with the roast beef.
it's on the ciabatta.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
it's on the ciabatta.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[ both laugh .]
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[ both laugh .]
the daughter's starting to [ both laugh .]
the daughter's starting to pick up on it.
the daughter's starting to pick up on it.
joe, just yell out, "this Pick up on it.
joe, just yell out, "this isn't real life!" joe, just yell out, "this isn't real life!" [ laughing .]
Isn't real life!" [ laughing .]
this isn't real life! [ laughing .]
this isn't real life! [ both laugh .]
this isn't real life! [ both laugh .]
are they leaving? [ both laugh .]
are they leaving? They're just leaving the store?! are they leaving? They're just leaving the store?! Oh, they -- They're just leaving the store?! Oh, they -- [ both laugh .]
Oh, they -- [ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
hey, bud, welcome.
[ both laugh .]
hey, bud, welcome.
how are you, sir? hey, bud, welcome.
how are you, sir? everything he orders, just be how are you, sir? everything he orders, just be like, "he's doing it! everything he orders, just be like, "he's doing it! This guy's doing it!" he's doing it! Six-inch club.
[ both laugh .]
Six-inch club.
[ both laugh .]
what kind of toppings would [ both laugh .]
what kind of toppings would you like, sir? what kind of toppings would you like, sir? guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
You like, sir? guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
sweet peppers.
guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
sweet peppers.
sweet peppers! sweet peppers.
sweet peppers! He's really making a sandwich sweet peppers! He's really making a sandwich now! He's really making a sandwich now! Now we're making a sandwich! Now! Now we're making a sandwich! [ both laugh .]
Now we're making a sandwich! [ both laugh .]
what else would you like, [ both laugh .]
what else would you like, sir? what else would you like, sir? cucumbers, please.
Sir? cucumbers, please.
both: Cucumbers! cucumbers, please.
both: Cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
both: Cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
he is so making this [ both laugh .]
he is so making this sandwich! he is so making this sandwich! He's making the sandwich! Sandwich! He's making the sandwich! A sandwich is being made! He's making the sandwich! A sandwich is being made! what else? A sandwich is being made! what else? [ both laugh .]
what else? [ both laugh .]
"what else?" [ both laugh .]
"what else?" he doesn't want to answer.
"what else?" he doesn't want to answer.
oil and vinegar -- just a he doesn't want to answer.
oil and vinegar -- just a little bit.
oil and vinegar -- just a little bit.
[ both screaming .]
Little bit.
[ both screaming .]
[bleep.]
[ both screaming .]
[bleep.]
both: Oil and vinegar! [bleep.]
both: Oil and vinegar! but just a little! both: Oil and vinegar! but just a little! Just a little.
but just a little! Just a little.
Make it rain! Just a little.
Make it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Make it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Making it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Making it rain! anything else? Making it rain! anything else? yes.
anything else? yes.
I don't know if I can handle yes.
I don't know if I can handle it! I don't know if I can handle it! I don't know if I can handle It! I don't know if I can handle anything else! I don't know if I can handle anything else! I'm not sure! Anything else! I'm not sure! Hit me -- what is it? I'm not sure! Hit me -- what is it? I want it toasted.
Hit me -- what is it? I want it toasted.
toasted! I want it toasted.
toasted! Toasted! toasted! Toasted! Everything you knew about Toasted! Everything you knew about sandwiches is out the window! Everything you knew about sandwiches is out the window! what the [bleep.]
Sandwiches is out the window! what the [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
what the [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
how do we toast it? [ both laugh .]
so, you boys went with the visors.
so, you boys went with the visors.
Q's looks like if he takes his Visors.
Q's looks like if he takes his visor off, he might be bald and Q's looks like if he takes his visor off, he might be bald and everything would come off at the Visor off, he might be bald and everything would come off at the same time, right? Everything would come off at the same time, right? [ laughter .]
Same time, right? [ laughter .]
what's up? what's up? let me get a regular-sized club.
let me get a regular-sized club.
regular-sized club? Club.
regular-sized club? as you're making this guy's regular-sized club? as you're making this guy's sandwich, just punch it.
as you're making this guy's sandwich, just punch it.
[ laughs .]
Sandwich, just punch it.
[ laughs .]
keep punching it -- bam! what kind of bread? whole-wheat club.
[ both laugh .]
whole-wheat club.
[ both laugh .]
toppings? [ both laugh .]
toppings? sal, just punch it right in Toppings? sal, just punch it right in the [bleep.]
middle.
sal, just punch it right in the [bleep.]
middle.
[ laughs .]
The [bleep.]
middle.
[ laughs .]
yes.
[ laughs .]
yes.
do you want any toppings on yes.
do you want any toppings on it? do you want any toppings on it? do you have black olives? It? do you have black olives? destroy those black do you have black olives? destroy those black olives, q.
destroy those black olives, q.
[ both laugh .]
Olives, q.
[ both laugh .]
anything else? [ both laugh .]
anything else? now, sal, just drop a [bleep.]
now, sal, just drop a [bleep.]
elbow on it.
[ both laugh .]
Elbow on it.
[ both laugh .]
one hulk hoagie.
[ both laugh .]
one hulk hoagie.
[ both laugh .]
what's up, man? sal looks stressed today, huh? sal looks stressed today, huh? super-stress ball.
Huh? super-stress ball.
q, give him, like, a super-stress ball.
q, give him, like, a deep-tissue massage.
what type of bread would you like? I thought you were just I thought you were just gonna -- I thought -- Gonna -- I thought -- [ both laugh .]
I thought -- [ both laugh .]
sal wears the stress in his [ both laugh .]
sal wears the stress in his face, though.
sal wears the stress in his face, though.
[ both laugh .]
Face, though.
[ both laugh .]
yeah! [ both laugh .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
feels great.
[ laughs .]
feels great.
It feels great.
feels great.
It feels great.
[ both laugh .]
It feels great.
[ both laugh .]
q, bear hug him and start [ both laugh .]
q, bear hug him and start shaking him up and down.
q, bear hug him and start shaking him up and down.
there.
How's that feel? Shaking him up and down.
there.
How's that feel? How does that feel? there.
How's that feel? How does that feel? Is that cracking your back? How does that feel? Is that cracking your back? he looks like he's assaulting Is that cracking your back? he looks like he's assaulting him.
he looks like he's assaulting him.
[ laughs .]
Him.
[ laughs .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ laughs .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ both laugh .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ both laugh .]
"what's up, beefstick? [ both laugh .]
"what's up, beefstick? What can I get you?" "what's up, beefstick? What can I get you?" how you doing, beefstick? What can I get you?" how you doing, beefstick? oh.
how you doing, beefstick? oh.
no? oh.
no? [ laughs .]
no? [ laughs .]
I would've taken the loss on [ laughs .]
I would've taken the loss on that one, but you did it, so I would've taken the loss on that one, but you did it, so there you go.
That one, but you did it, so there you go.
you got it.
There you go.
you got it.
Sal did it -- he called her you got it.
Sal did it -- he called her beefstick.
Sal did it -- he called her beefstick.
Q, now you call her beefstick.
[ groans .]
six-inch club.
the beef? the beef? You want the beefStick? no, nice try.
You want the beefStick? no, nice try.
easy on the vinegar? no, nice try.
easy on the vinegar? a lot of oregano.
easy on the vinegar? a lot of oregano.
lot of oregano.
Right? a lot of oregano.
lot of oregano.
Right? That's how I like it, too.
lot of oregano.
Right? That's how I like it, too.
I'm the same way.
That's how I like it, too.
I'm the same way.
[ both laugh .]
I'm the same way.
[ both laugh .]
I can't do it.
[ both laugh .]
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
you can do it, buddy, because I can't do it.
you can do it, buddy, because other than that, we're gonna go you can do it, buddy, because other than that, we're gonna go down, and one of us is gonna Other than that, we're gonna go down, and one of us is gonna face a loss at the end.
Down, and one of us is gonna face a loss at the end.
yeah, but what does it even Face a loss at the end.
yeah, but what does it even mean? yeah, but what does it even mean? it doesn't mean much.
Mean? it doesn't mean much.
That's why I want you to say it.
it doesn't mean much.
That's why I want you to say it.
[ laughs .]
That's why I want you to say it.
[ laughs .]
would you like to make that a [ laughs .]
would you like to make that a combo, beefstick? would you like to make that a combo, beefstick? uh, yes.
Combo, beefstick? uh, yes.
it's that easy.
uh, yes.
it's that easy.
[ laughs .]
it's that easy.
[ laughs .]
do not let her walk out.
I don't want to go down, dude.
yeah.
you got it.
No problem.
yeah.
you got it.
No problem.
right in half for you got it.
No problem.
right in half for he can't do it! right in half for he can't do it! have a great day, beefstick.
he can't do it! have a great day, beefstick.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
the window is closed.
[ buzzer .]
The window is closed.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Q and sal couldn't [ buzzer .]
narrator: Q and sal couldn't "mustard" up a win, so they're narrator: Q and sal couldn't "mustard" up a win, so they're first up on the loser board.
"mustard" up a win, so they're first up on the loser board.
today, we are teaming up to First up on the loser board.
today, we are teaming up to play a little game called today, we are teaming up to play a little game called "guess what you got to do.
" Play a little game called "guess what you got to do.
" each team will have to "guess what you got to do.
" each team will have to perform an action, but only one each team will have to perform an action, but only one member of the team will know Perform an action, but only one member of the team will know what it is.
Member of the team will know what it is.
the teammate that knows the What it is.
the teammate that knows the action will have to give his the teammate that knows the action will have to give his partner hints to figure out what Action will have to give his partner hints to figure out what he has to do.
if you can't guess your task correctly and perform it, you lose, sucker pants! Correctly and perform it, you lose, sucker pants! they didn't do anything to Lose, sucker pants! they didn't do anything to you.
they didn't do anything to you.
all right, I apologize.
You.
all right, I apologize.
I came in hot.
Who's guessing? Who's giving the hints? I will guess first.
Who's giving the hints? I will guess first.
take your earpiece out, then.
I will guess first.
take your earpiece out, then.
earpiece is out.
take your earpiece out, then.
earpiece is out.
murr, sal has got to call earpiece is out.
murr, sal has got to call somebody "pork chop.
" murr, sal has got to call somebody "pork chop.
" oh, wow.
Somebody "pork chop.
" oh, wow.
[ laughs .]
oh, wow.
[ laughs .]
remember, you're only allowed to [ laughs .]
remember, you're only allowed to give one hint at a time.
Remember, you're only allowed to give one hint at a time.
I think I made the wrong Give one hint at a time.
I think I made the wrong choice with the food.
I think I made the wrong choice with the food.
What did you get? Choice with the food.
What did you get? yeah, chicken.
yeah, chicken.
I'm not a fan of chicken.
You know, don't get me wrong.
I'm not a fan of chicken.
You know, don't get me wrong.
I like white meat, just not You know, don't get me wrong.
I like white meat, just not chicken.
I like white meat, just not chicken.
[ laugh .]
Chicken.
[ laugh .]
what the [bleep.]
is that [ laugh .]
what the [bleep.]
is that supposed to mean? what the [bleep.]
is that supposed to mean? [ laughs .]
Supposed to mean? [ laughs .]
that's not a hint.
[ laughs .]
that's not a hint.
that's a hint.
that's not a hint.
that's a hint.
That's a hint.
that's a hint.
That's a hint.
if that's a hint, I might as That's a hint.
if that's a hint, I might as well just commit suicide.
if that's a hint, I might as well just commit suicide.
[ laughs .]
Well just commit suicide.
[ laughs .]
I don't even know what to do.
[ laughs .]
I don't even know what to do.
sal, that's all you get, I don't even know what to do.
sal, that's all you get, buddy.
sal, that's all you get, buddy.
Do something.
Buddy.
Do something.
you like white meat, just not Do something.
you like white meat, just not chicken.
you like white meat, just not chicken.
Let me see -- is that very hot? Chicken.
Let me see -- is that very hot? Can I see that? Let me see -- is that very hot? Can I see that? Oh, it is hot.
Can I see that? Oh, it is hot.
It's hot.
Oh, it is hot.
It's hot.
Thank you.
It's hot.
Thank you.
nowhere near right.
Thank you.
nowhere near right.
give me another hint, then.
nowhere near right.
give me another hint, then.
sorry to interrupt, man.
I'm james, by the way.
What's your name? The nickname they call me is What's your name? The nickname they call me is murr.
The nickname they call me is murr.
What do you they call you? Murr.
What do you they call you? That's not a bad one, but What do you they call you? That's not a bad one, but doesn't really fit you well.
That's not a bad one, but doesn't really fit you well.
oh, all right, murr.
Doesn't really fit you well.
oh, all right, murr.
all right, this game's oh, all right, murr.
all right, this game's impossible.
all right, this game's impossible.
[ laughter .]
Impossible.
[ laughter .]
what, do you want me to try on [ laughter .]
what, do you want me to try on his chicken? What, do you want me to try on his chicken? What the hell doesn't fit you What the hell doesn't fit you well? Uh Well? Uh oh, he's stuck on "fit you Uh oh, he's stuck on "fit you well.
" oh, he's stuck on "fit you well.
" hmm.
Well.
" hmm.
where'd you get the hat? hmm.
where'd you get the hat? 'cause there's lids right there.
where'd you get the hat? 'cause there's lids right there.
They have the store right there 'cause there's lids right there.
They have the store right there for the hats.
They have the store right there for the hats.
[ laughing .]
For the hats.
[ laughing .]
oh, this is a disaster.
[ laughing .]
oh, this is a disaster.
is this a snapback hat? oh, this is a disaster.
is this a snapback hat? Can I see? is this a snapback hat? Can I see? Let me see.
Can I see? Let me see.
Hey? Let me see.
Hey? [ laughing .]
Hey? [ laughing .]
I hope that was it.
[ laughing .]
I hope that was it.
no way near right.
I hope that was it.
no way near right.
hey, do you know if there's no way near right.
hey, do you know if there's anyplace that serves applesauce hey, do you know if there's anyplace that serves applesauce around here or anything that Anyplace that serves applesauce around here or anything that goes with it? oh! [ laughing .]
applesauce.
[ laughing .]
applesauce.
or anything that goes with applesauce.
or anything that goes with it.
or anything that goes with it.
all right It.
all right Something that goes good with all right Something that goes good with applesauce -- pork chops.
Something that goes good with applesauce -- pork chops.
ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Applesauce -- pork chops.
ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! chops, pork, pork chop, ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! chops, pork, pork chop, pork chops, pork, pork chop, pork what they call me is "murr.
" Pork what they call me is "murr.
" they call what they call me is "murr.
" they call oh, he's so close! they call oh, he's so close! He's so close! oh, he's so close! He's so close! chops.
He's so close! chops.
Hey, pork chop.
chops.
Hey, pork chop.
[ laughter .]
Hey, pork chop.
[ laughter .]
he got it! [ laughter .]
he got it! what's going on, pork chop? he got it! what's going on, pork chop? [ laughter .]
what's going on, pork chop? [ laughter .]
we'll see you soon, [ laughter .]
we'll see you soon, pork chop.
we'll see you soon, pork chop.
[ ding! .]
Pork chop.
[ ding! .]
who's giving the clues and [ ding! .]
who's giving the clues and who's doing it? who's giving the clues and who's doing it? I'll hint.
Who's doing it? I'll hint.
oh, all right, I'll go.
I'll hint.
oh, all right, I'll go.
My earpiece is out.
oh, all right, I'll go.
My earpiece is out.
all right, q.
My earpiece is out.
all right, q.
yeah.
all right, q.
yeah.
he has got to yeah.
he has got to leapfrog over someone.
he has got to leapfrog over someone.
oh, come on.
leapfrog over someone.
oh, come on.
That's impossible.
oh, come on.
That's impossible.
I mean, they're setting us up to That's impossible.
I mean, they're setting us up to fail.
I mean, they're setting us up to fail.
well, I mean, good luck.
Fail.
well, I mean, good luck.
I got some chinese food, well, I mean, good luck.
I got some chinese food, 'cause I grew up next to -- I got some chinese food, 'cause I grew up next to -- my neighbors were chinese.
'cause I grew up next to -- my neighbors were chinese.
chinese.
My neighbors were chinese.
chinese.
so I would go over, and his chinese.
so I would go over, and his mother would cook us a big meal, so I would go over, and his mother would cook us a big meal, and then we'd, you know Mother would cook us a big meal, and then we'd, you know We'd do childhood games.
And then we'd, you know We'd do childhood games.
that's a hint.
We'd do childhood games.
that's a hint.
you played childhood games that's a hint.
you played childhood games when you were younger.
you played childhood games when you were younger.
That's interesting.
When you were younger.
That's interesting.
Chinese childhood games.
That's interesting.
Chinese childhood games.
hmm.
Chinese childhood games.
hmm.
duckDuckDuck hmm.
duckDuckDuck Goose! duckDuckDuck Goose! [ both laugh .]
Goose! [ both laugh .]
that's not it? [ both laugh .]
that's not it? we're talking about childhood That's not it? we're talking about childhood games.
we're talking about childhood games.
childhood games when you were Games.
childhood games when you were little -- duck, duck, goose.
childhood games when you were little -- duck, duck, goose.
that's not it.
Little -- duck, duck, goose.
that's not it.
Next clue.
that's not it.
Next clue.
you know what? Next clue.
you know what? There used to be a swamp here you know what? There used to be a swamp here with lots of frogs in it.
There used to be a swamp here with lots of frogs in it.
oh.
With lots of frogs in it.
oh.
swamp.
oh.
swamp.
lots of frogs in it.
swamp.
lots of frogs in it.
swamp ass? lots of frogs in it.
swamp ass? "swamp ass.
" swamp ass? "swamp ass.
" [ both laugh .]
"swamp ass.
" [ both laugh .]
I'm sorry, buddy.
[ both laugh .]
I'm sorry, buddy.
I just think I got to wipe your I'm sorry, buddy.
I just think I got to wipe your ass.
I just think I got to wipe your ass.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I think I just have to wipe your ass.
I mean I think I just have to wipe your ass.
I mean Is that it? Ass.
I mean Is that it? [ laughter .]
Is that it? [ laughter .]
that's not it.
[ laughter .]
that's not it.
that's not it.
that's not it.
that's not it.
[ laughing .]
that's not it.
[ laughing .]
he's up, he's up! [ laughing .]
he's up, he's up! It's over! he's up, he's up! It's over! you had to leapfrog him, you It's over! you had to leapfrog him, you idiot! you had to leapfrog him, you idiot! oh, I focused on the "swamp," Idiot! oh, I focused on the "swamp," not the "frog.
" oh, I focused on the "swamp," not the "frog.
" well, I'm just happy I didn't go Not the "frog.
" well, I'm just happy I didn't go for the wipe.
Well, I'm just happy I didn't go for the wipe.
I'm glad I asked him first.
For the wipe.
I'm glad I asked him first.
[ buzzer .]
I'm glad I asked him first.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't take [ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't take the leap, so he and q are narrator: Joe couldn't take the leap, so he and q are splashing onto the loser board.
The leap, so he and q are splashing onto the loser board.
Strangers through an unfortunate Splashing onto the loser board.
Strangers through an unfortunate series of events.
Strangers through an unfortunate series of events.
while chatting someone up, Series of events.
while chatting someone up, the guys will give us an action while chatting someone up, the guys will give us an action to perform, then another one, The guys will give us an action to perform, then another one, and then another one.
To perform, then another one, and then another one.
here's the rub.
And then another one.
here's the rub.
Every time you get a new here's the rub.
Every time you get a new action, you must redo the Action, you must redo the previous action first.
the goal is to remember and perform as many commands as you Perform as many commands as you can.
Can.
Whoever performs the least Whoever performs the least loses.
Loses.
and heads up, everybody.
and heads up, everybody.
This is a joker versus joker This is a joker versus joker challenge.
Challenge.
that's right.
that's right.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
When you said that, a [bleep.]
When you said that, a [bleep.]
bug smacked me in the face.
Bug smacked me in the face.
I slapped my nose, and it fell, I slapped my nose, and it fell, and I looked around.
And I looked around.
let's do it.
let's do it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's sal versus q in a it's sal versus q in a joker versus joker challenge.
Joker versus joker challenge.
this guy just threw up over this guy just threw up over the bench.
The bench.
every inch of the city is every inch of the city is covered in piss and vomit.
Covered in piss and vomit.
You know that, right? You know that, right? yep, I do.
yep, I do.
Actually, there's a report that Actually, there's a report that said they [bleep.]
on everything.
Said they [bleep.]
on everything.
oh, so what do you think dirt oh, so what do you think dirt is? Is? It's dinosaur [bleep.]
It's dinosaur [bleep.]
yeah.
Yeah.
Dirt is -- all dirt is dinosaur Dirt is -- all dirt is dinosaur [bleep.]
[bleep.]
I'm not sure if you're right I'm not sure if you're right on that one.
On that one.
look it up.
look it up.
what are the oceans, then? what are the oceans, then? Dinosaur piss? Dinosaur piss? no, it's water.
no, it's water.
What, are you ridiculous? What, are you ridiculous? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay, sal, ready, buddy? okay, sal, ready, buddy? so you're just eating lunch? so you're just eating lunch? yeah.
yeah.
all right, sal, you're gonna all right, sal, you're gonna hit her with an ugly smile Hit her with an ugly smile first.
First.
probably gonna get a sandwich probably gonna get a sandwich myself.
Myself.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
there it is.
there it is.
Sal, you've got to squeeze both Sal, you've got to squeeze both her shoulders.
Her shoulders.
But don't forget the first But don't forget the first thing.
Thing.
$3.
$3.
there it is.
there it is.
that's the best.
that's the best.
And I want to make sure I always And I want to make sure I always go to the right place.
Go to the right place.
Who wants to go to a bad place? Who wants to go to a bad place? I want to go to the best place! I want to go to the best place! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sal, spin 360 degrees.
sal, spin 360 degrees.
look, if someone's gonna come look, if someone's gonna come up and they want a dollar, I can Up and they want a dollar, I can give a dollar at first, but I Give a dollar at first, but I only have so many, so I can't Only have so many, so I can't give it all day.
Give it all day.
You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Give it all day? Give it all day? That's crazy.
That's crazy.
What, am I made of money? What, am I made of money? I'm not made of money.
I'm not made of money.
That would be insane! That would be insane! wow! He did it.
wow! He did it.
okay, sal, ready, buddy? okay, sal, ready, buddy? Do a pushup.
Do a pushup.
this is rough, man.
this is rough, man.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I'm here in the park.
I'm here in the park.
ugly smile.
ugly smile.
there you go.
there you go.
I'm gonna enjoy it.
I'm gonna enjoy it.
The park? The park? This park is my park.
This park is my park.
But yours, too.
But yours, too.
yes, it's everyone's park.
yes, it's everyone's park.
I mean, I'll stay here all I mean, I'll stay here all day.
Day.
And you know what's better than And you know what's better than this area? This area? Over there's better, and I like Over there's better, and I like going over there by the fountain Going over there by the fountain over there, too.
Over there, too.
uh-huh.
uh-huh.
uh, what was next? uh, what was next? ah! ah! this could be it.
this could be it.
he got it? he got it? I don't have time to I don't have time to exercise, so what am I gonna do? Exercise, so what am I gonna do? I'll be walking I'll be walking is he gonna get it? is he gonna get it? I just drop down I just drop down he got it! he got it! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
lovely meeting you.
Anna.
lovely meeting you.
Anna.
anna? I'm sal.
anna? I'm sal.
that was impressive, dude.
that was impressive, dude.
wow.
wow.
oh, man.
oh, man.
high five, sal.
high five, sal.
Well done.
Well done.
you a student? you a student? yeah.
yeah.
oh, cool, cool.
oh, cool, cool.
I'm gonna make the first one I'm gonna make the first one very difficult.
Very difficult.
Q, say, "hey, buckaroo.
Q, say, "hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too.
Cherry, too.
Wear pants and pleats? Wear pants and pleats? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Steam engines go choo choo choo Steam engines go choo choo choo choo.
Choo.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
that's your first one.
That's your first one.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good luck remembering that good luck remembering that [bleep.]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
well, hey, buckaroo.
well, hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Cherry on top with whipped Cherry on top with whipped cream, too? Cream, too? I wear pleated pants.
I wear pleated pants.
How about you? How about you? Steam engines go choo choo.
Steam engines go choo choo.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I don't know if I'm getting I don't know if I'm getting that right, but I like it.
That right, but I like it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good.
Okay, the second thing, good.
Okay, the second thing, take your shoe off and throw it Take your shoe off and throw it across the park.
Across the park.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they're killing me.
they're killing me.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, buddy, stick with me All right, buddy, stick with me on this one.
On this one.
okay.
okay.
okay, okay.
okay, okay.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
UhHow are you? UhHow are you? Whipped cream -- Whipped cream -- whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Where did -- Where did -- wear pants with pleats? Wear pants with pleats? yes, I do.
yes, I do.
the guy knows it better.
the guy knows it better.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is good.
this is good.
This is what I like about you.
This is what I like about you.
Steam engines go choo choo choo! Steam engines go choo choo choo! yeah! yeah! okay.
okay.
How do you like them shoes? How do you like them shoes? as in you want to wear them? as in you want to wear them? well well Close.
Close.
I kind of just want to throw I kind of just want to throw them into that.
Them into that.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
are you gonna throw your are you gonna throw your shoes, also? Shoes, also? yes, I'll let you throw mine.
yes, I'll let you throw mine.
all right, solidarity.
all right, solidarity.
[bleep.]
let's do it.
[bleep.]
let's do it.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
both of them or just one? both of them or just one? just one for now.
just one for now.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I get to throw yours, also? I get to throw yours, also? go ahead.
go ahead.
I love those boots.
I love those boots.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
now fake box him to the now fake box him to the stomach.
Stomach.
oh, god.
oh, god.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Pants with pleats? Pants with pleats? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
A steam engine goes choo choo A steam engine goes choo choo choo.
Choo.
Can I borrow that other shoe? Can I borrow that other shoe? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
let's just see where this crazy Let's just see where this crazy train goes.
Train goes.
I'll give you mine.
I'll give you mine.
What if you throw mine first? What if you throw mine first? [ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
this guy just wants to help.
this guy just wants to help.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
okay.
Fake box.
Fake box.
high five, high five.
high five, high five.
stick with me.
Okay.
stick with me.
Okay.
Ready? Ready? Here we go.
Here we go.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Pleated pants? Pleated pants? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
A steam engine goes choo choo A steam engine goes choo choo choo choo.
Choo choo.
Boom.
Got that.
Boom.
Got that.
[ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
out of shoes.
Out of shoes.
I lose.
I lose.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
narrator: Q's out of shoes and out of luck, so it's time narrator: Q's out of shoes and out of luck, so it's time for his punishment.
And out of luck, so it's time for his punishment.
so, q is the big loser.
For his punishment.
so, q is the big loser.
yes, and tonight, he faces so, q is the big loser.
yes, and tonight, he faces the mother of all punishments.
yes, and tonight, he faces the mother of all punishments.
that's right, 'cause you're The mother of all punishments.
that's right, 'cause you're teaching lamaze to a room full that's right, 'cause you're teaching lamaze to a room full of pregnant women.
Teaching lamaze to a room full of pregnant women.
yeah, kid! Of pregnant women.
yeah, kid! none of these kids are mine, yeah, kid! none of these kids are mine, right? none of these kids are mine, right? every one! Right? every one! every one is mine? every one! every one is mine? This is the worst punishment every one is mine? This is the worst punishment ever.
This is the worst punishment ever.
you're getting a kid! Ever.
you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! hi.
And you're getting a kid! hi.
[ chuckles .]
hi.
[ chuckles .]
how far along is everybody? [ chuckles .]
how far along is everybody? Far? How far along is everybody? Far? [ laughs .]
Far? [ laughs .]
is there any accidents here, [ laughs .]
is there any accidents here, or are they all planned? is there any accidents here, or are they all planned? [ laughing .]
Or are they all planned? [ laughing .]
what the [bleep.]
is he [ laughing .]
what the [bleep.]
is he talking about? what the [bleep.]
is he talking about? okay.
Breathing techniques.
Talking about? okay.
Breathing techniques.
My name's brian quinn.
okay.
Breathing techniques.
My name's brian quinn.
I'm a breathing expert, and I My name's brian quinn.
I'm a breathing expert, and I learned that in india.
I'm a breathing expert, and I learned that in india.
[ laughs .]
Learned that in india.
[ laughs .]
you can't walk 2 feet in [ laughs .]
you can't walk 2 feet in india without somebody grabbing you can't walk 2 feet in india without somebody grabbing you and being like, "hey, man, India without somebody grabbing you and being like, "hey, man, relax.
You and being like, "hey, man, relax.
Calm down, man.
" Relax.
Calm down, man.
" this isn't jamaica.
Calm down, man.
" this isn't jamaica.
[ laughter .]
this isn't jamaica.
[ laughter .]
"relaxing through labor.
[ laughter .]
"relaxing through labor.
Demonstration.
" "relaxing through labor.
Demonstration.
" wait.
What? Demonstration.
" wait.
What? yeah, you're gonna Wait.
What? yeah, you're gonna demonstrate how to relax through yeah, you're gonna demonstrate how to relax through labor, bud.
Demonstrate how to relax through labor, bud.
"oh, stephanie.
" Labor, bud.
"oh, stephanie.
" stephanie? this is your real punishment.
This device simulates the pains of childbirth.
This device simulates the pains of childbirth.
[ laughter .]
Of childbirth.
[ laughter .]
so, what I'm gonna do, I'm [ laughter .]
so, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna place the pads on your so, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna place the pads on your abdomen, and it's gonna contract Gonna place the pads on your abdomen, and it's gonna contract your muscles just like during Abdomen, and it's gonna contract your muscles just like during labor, like a baby's about to Your muscles just like during labor, like a baby's about to come out.
Labor, like a baby's about to come out.
[ laughter .]
Come out.
[ laughter .]
there's eight levels of [ laughter .]
there's eight levels of intensity.
There's eight levels of intensity.
look at his face.
Intensity.
look at his face.
so, we're gonna put it on look at his face.
so, we're gonna put it on level 1, and it's as if your so, we're gonna put it on level 1, and it's as if your water just broke.
Level 1, and it's as if your water just broke.
okay.
[ laughs .]
tell them how to relax, buddy.
tell them how to relax, buddy.
god.
The key is to remain Buddy.
god.
The key is to remain calm.
god.
The key is to remain calm.
Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
Calm.
Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
yourself"! Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
yourself"! [ laughter .]
Yourself"! [ laughter .]
you got to relax through this.
[ laughter .]
you got to relax through this.
I think we should give a You got to relax through this.
I think we should give a minute I think we should give a minute Dude Minute Dude So, that's like what Dude So, that's like what contractions feel like, huh? So, that's like what contractions feel like, huh? [ laughter .]
Contractions feel like, huh? [ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
all right.
[ beeps .]
all right.
So, now we're gonna go up to all right.
So, now we're gonna go up to level 2, okay? So, now we're gonna go up to level 2, okay? that was level 1! Level 2, okay? that was level 1! That was level 1.
that was level 1! That was level 1.
[bleep.]
you guys.
That was level 1.
[bleep.]
you guys.
Okay.
All right.
[bleep.]
you guys.
Okay.
All right.
I mean, it's bearable, Okay.
All right.
I mean, it's bearable, obviously -- I mean, it's bearable, obviously -- [ beeps .]
Obviously -- [ beeps .]
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
[ beeps .]
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
doing it.
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
doing it.
That little son of a bitch into Doing it.
That little son of a bitch into the world, clawing his way That little son of a bitch into the world, clawing his way towards your genit-- The world, clawing his way towards your genit-- right through your genitalia.
Towards your genit-- right through your genitalia.
Oh, yeah.
Right through your genitalia.
Oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
Oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
how do you girls do this? [bleep.]
how do you girls do this? [ laughter .]
How do you girls do this? [ laughter .]
what level is this?! [ laughter .]
what level is this?! What level is this?! What level is this?! What level is this?! this is 8.
What level is this?! this is 8.
8?! this is 8.
8?! This is 8?! 8?! This is 8?! [ beeps .]
This is 8?! [ beeps .]
okay.
[ beeps .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
oh, my god.
[ beeps .]
oh, my god.
Oh.
Oh, my god.
Oh.
[ grunts .]
Oh.
[ grunts .]
aah.
[ grunts .]
aah.
Oh, yeah! Aah.
Oh, yeah! So -- ohh! Oh, yeah! So -- ohh! [ laughter .]
So -- ohh! [ laughter .]
aah! [ laughter .]
aah! Steph Aah! Steph You justCut the Steph You justCut the [bleep.]
baby out.
You justCut the [bleep.]
baby out.
Just get this stinking baby out [bleep.]
baby out.
Just get this stinking baby out of me! Just get this stinking baby out of me! [ laughter .]
Of me! [ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
aah! Remember to breathe! [ beeps .]
aah! Remember to breathe! Aah! Aah! Remember to breathe! Aah! Oh [bleep.]
Aah! Oh [bleep.]
ohh! Oh [bleep.]
ohh! Oh, my god! Ohh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Aah! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Aah! Okay, okay! Aah! Okay, okay! What is wrong with you?! Okay, okay! What is wrong with you?! [ breathes deeply .]
What is wrong with you?! [ breathes deeply .]
all right, that's it.
[ breathes deeply .]
all right, that's it.
You just had your baby.
all right, that's it.
You just had your baby.
[ laughter .]
so, now Now starts the hard part -- what to name it.
Now starts the hard part -- what to name it.
[ laughter .]
To name it.
[ laughter .]
your punishment is now over, [ laughter .]
your punishment is now over, bud.
your punishment is now over, bud.
Well done.
cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
narrator: Why is sal all [ both laugh .]
narrator: Why is sal all smiles? narrator: Why is sal all smiles? And why is tonight's big loser Smiles? And why is tonight's big loser throwing temper tantrum? And why is tonight's big loser throwing temper tantrum? [ grunts .]
Throwing temper tantrum? [ grunts .]
aah! [ grunts .]
aah! prepare for something Aah! prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we are teaming up at america's sub shop, blimpie! while helping customers get America's sub shop, blimpie! while helping customers get their sandwich on, we'll have to while helping customers get their sandwich on, we'll have to do and say what the other guys Their sandwich on, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Do and say what the other guys tell us.
if you refuse anything, you Tell us.
if you refuse anything, you lose! if you refuse anything, you lose! carve up, fellas! Lose! carve up, fellas! It's go time! carve up, fellas! It's go time! [ laughter .]
joe, stab murray in his throat.
no, no, no.
Throat.
no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
I don't want to lose.
No, that's not -- no, no, no.
I don't want to lose.
refuse -- refuse that.
I don't want to lose.
refuse -- refuse that.
I can't lose.
I can't lose.
[ laughing .]
welcome to blimpie.
[ laughing .]
welcome to blimpie.
How are you? welcome to blimpie.
How are you? great.
How's it going? How are you? great.
How's it going? since it's a mother-daughter great.
How's it going? since it's a mother-daughter combo, we're gonna go easy on since it's a mother-daughter combo, we're gonna go easy on you guys.
Combo, we're gonna go easy on you guys.
Just bump into each other a lot.
You guys.
Just bump into each other a lot.
I'm gonna get the blimpie Just bump into each other a lot.
I'm gonna get the blimpie best.
I'm gonna get the blimpie best.
half-inch? Best.
half-inch? yes.
half-inch? yes.
oh, I'm sorry.
yes.
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
[ laughing .]
oh, I'm sorry.
excuse me.
oh, I'm sorry.
excuse me.
what's on the french dip? excuse me.
what's on the french dip? the french dip? what's on the french dip? the french dip? oh.
the french dip? oh.
We usually do swiss.
oh.
We usually do swiss.
french dip is swiss with -- We usually do swiss.
french dip is swiss with -- with the roast beef.
french dip is swiss with -- with the roast beef.
it's on the ciabatta.
with the roast beef.
it's on the ciabatta.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
it's on the ciabatta.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
it's on the ciabatta bread.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[ both laugh .]
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[ both laugh .]
the daughter's starting to [ both laugh .]
the daughter's starting to pick up on it.
the daughter's starting to pick up on it.
joe, just yell out, "this Pick up on it.
joe, just yell out, "this isn't real life!" joe, just yell out, "this isn't real life!" [ laughing .]
Isn't real life!" [ laughing .]
this isn't real life! [ laughing .]
this isn't real life! [ both laugh .]
this isn't real life! [ both laugh .]
are they leaving? [ both laugh .]
are they leaving? They're just leaving the store?! are they leaving? They're just leaving the store?! Oh, they -- They're just leaving the store?! Oh, they -- [ both laugh .]
Oh, they -- [ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
your sandwich.
[ both laugh .]
hey, bud, welcome.
[ both laugh .]
hey, bud, welcome.
how are you, sir? hey, bud, welcome.
how are you, sir? everything he orders, just be how are you, sir? everything he orders, just be like, "he's doing it! everything he orders, just be like, "he's doing it! This guy's doing it!" he's doing it! Six-inch club.
[ both laugh .]
Six-inch club.
[ both laugh .]
what kind of toppings would [ both laugh .]
what kind of toppings would you like, sir? what kind of toppings would you like, sir? guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
You like, sir? guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
sweet peppers.
guys, ramp it up, ramp it up.
sweet peppers.
sweet peppers! sweet peppers.
sweet peppers! He's really making a sandwich sweet peppers! He's really making a sandwich now! He's really making a sandwich now! Now we're making a sandwich! Now! Now we're making a sandwich! [ both laugh .]
Now we're making a sandwich! [ both laugh .]
what else would you like, [ both laugh .]
what else would you like, sir? what else would you like, sir? cucumbers, please.
Sir? cucumbers, please.
both: Cucumbers! cucumbers, please.
both: Cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
both: Cucumbers! [ both laugh .]
he is so making this [ both laugh .]
he is so making this sandwich! he is so making this sandwich! He's making the sandwich! Sandwich! He's making the sandwich! A sandwich is being made! He's making the sandwich! A sandwich is being made! what else? A sandwich is being made! what else? [ both laugh .]
what else? [ both laugh .]
"what else?" [ both laugh .]
"what else?" he doesn't want to answer.
"what else?" he doesn't want to answer.
oil and vinegar -- just a he doesn't want to answer.
oil and vinegar -- just a little bit.
oil and vinegar -- just a little bit.
[ both screaming .]
Little bit.
[ both screaming .]
[bleep.]
[ both screaming .]
[bleep.]
both: Oil and vinegar! [bleep.]
both: Oil and vinegar! but just a little! both: Oil and vinegar! but just a little! Just a little.
but just a little! Just a little.
Make it rain! Just a little.
Make it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Make it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Making it rain! Oil and vinegar, making it rain! Making it rain! anything else? Making it rain! anything else? yes.
anything else? yes.
I don't know if I can handle yes.
I don't know if I can handle it! I don't know if I can handle it! I don't know if I can handle It! I don't know if I can handle anything else! I don't know if I can handle anything else! I'm not sure! Anything else! I'm not sure! Hit me -- what is it? I'm not sure! Hit me -- what is it? I want it toasted.
Hit me -- what is it? I want it toasted.
toasted! I want it toasted.
toasted! Toasted! toasted! Toasted! Everything you knew about Toasted! Everything you knew about sandwiches is out the window! Everything you knew about sandwiches is out the window! what the [bleep.]
Sandwiches is out the window! what the [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
what the [bleep.]
[ laughs .]
how do we toast it? [ both laugh .]
so, you boys went with the visors.
so, you boys went with the visors.
Q's looks like if he takes his Visors.
Q's looks like if he takes his visor off, he might be bald and Q's looks like if he takes his visor off, he might be bald and everything would come off at the Visor off, he might be bald and everything would come off at the same time, right? Everything would come off at the same time, right? [ laughter .]
Same time, right? [ laughter .]
what's up? what's up? let me get a regular-sized club.
let me get a regular-sized club.
regular-sized club? Club.
regular-sized club? as you're making this guy's regular-sized club? as you're making this guy's sandwich, just punch it.
as you're making this guy's sandwich, just punch it.
[ laughs .]
Sandwich, just punch it.
[ laughs .]
keep punching it -- bam! what kind of bread? whole-wheat club.
[ both laugh .]
whole-wheat club.
[ both laugh .]
toppings? [ both laugh .]
toppings? sal, just punch it right in Toppings? sal, just punch it right in the [bleep.]
middle.
sal, just punch it right in the [bleep.]
middle.
[ laughs .]
The [bleep.]
middle.
[ laughs .]
yes.
[ laughs .]
yes.
do you want any toppings on yes.
do you want any toppings on it? do you want any toppings on it? do you have black olives? It? do you have black olives? destroy those black do you have black olives? destroy those black olives, q.
destroy those black olives, q.
[ both laugh .]
Olives, q.
[ both laugh .]
anything else? [ both laugh .]
anything else? now, sal, just drop a [bleep.]
now, sal, just drop a [bleep.]
elbow on it.
[ both laugh .]
Elbow on it.
[ both laugh .]
one hulk hoagie.
[ both laugh .]
one hulk hoagie.
[ both laugh .]
what's up, man? sal looks stressed today, huh? sal looks stressed today, huh? super-stress ball.
Huh? super-stress ball.
q, give him, like, a super-stress ball.
q, give him, like, a deep-tissue massage.
what type of bread would you like? I thought you were just I thought you were just gonna -- I thought -- Gonna -- I thought -- [ both laugh .]
I thought -- [ both laugh .]
sal wears the stress in his [ both laugh .]
sal wears the stress in his face, though.
sal wears the stress in his face, though.
[ both laugh .]
Face, though.
[ both laugh .]
yeah! [ both laugh .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
feels great.
[ laughs .]
feels great.
It feels great.
feels great.
It feels great.
[ both laugh .]
It feels great.
[ both laugh .]
q, bear hug him and start [ both laugh .]
q, bear hug him and start shaking him up and down.
q, bear hug him and start shaking him up and down.
there.
How's that feel? Shaking him up and down.
there.
How's that feel? How does that feel? there.
How's that feel? How does that feel? Is that cracking your back? How does that feel? Is that cracking your back? he looks like he's assaulting Is that cracking your back? he looks like he's assaulting him.
he looks like he's assaulting him.
[ laughs .]
Him.
[ laughs .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ laughs .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ both laugh .]
you want in on this, buddy? [ both laugh .]
"what's up, beefstick? [ both laugh .]
"what's up, beefstick? What can I get you?" "what's up, beefstick? What can I get you?" how you doing, beefstick? What can I get you?" how you doing, beefstick? oh.
how you doing, beefstick? oh.
no? oh.
no? [ laughs .]
no? [ laughs .]
I would've taken the loss on [ laughs .]
I would've taken the loss on that one, but you did it, so I would've taken the loss on that one, but you did it, so there you go.
That one, but you did it, so there you go.
you got it.
There you go.
you got it.
Sal did it -- he called her you got it.
Sal did it -- he called her beefstick.
Sal did it -- he called her beefstick.
Q, now you call her beefstick.
[ groans .]
six-inch club.
the beef? the beef? You want the beefStick? no, nice try.
You want the beefStick? no, nice try.
easy on the vinegar? no, nice try.
easy on the vinegar? a lot of oregano.
easy on the vinegar? a lot of oregano.
lot of oregano.
Right? a lot of oregano.
lot of oregano.
Right? That's how I like it, too.
lot of oregano.
Right? That's how I like it, too.
I'm the same way.
That's how I like it, too.
I'm the same way.
[ both laugh .]
I'm the same way.
[ both laugh .]
I can't do it.
[ both laugh .]
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
you can do it, buddy, because I can't do it.
you can do it, buddy, because other than that, we're gonna go you can do it, buddy, because other than that, we're gonna go down, and one of us is gonna Other than that, we're gonna go down, and one of us is gonna face a loss at the end.
Down, and one of us is gonna face a loss at the end.
yeah, but what does it even Face a loss at the end.
yeah, but what does it even mean? yeah, but what does it even mean? it doesn't mean much.
Mean? it doesn't mean much.
That's why I want you to say it.
it doesn't mean much.
That's why I want you to say it.
[ laughs .]
That's why I want you to say it.
[ laughs .]
would you like to make that a [ laughs .]
would you like to make that a combo, beefstick? would you like to make that a combo, beefstick? uh, yes.
Combo, beefstick? uh, yes.
it's that easy.
uh, yes.
it's that easy.
[ laughs .]
it's that easy.
[ laughs .]
do not let her walk out.
I don't want to go down, dude.
yeah.
you got it.
No problem.
yeah.
you got it.
No problem.
right in half for you got it.
No problem.
right in half for he can't do it! right in half for he can't do it! have a great day, beefstick.
he can't do it! have a great day, beefstick.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
the window is closed.
[ buzzer .]
The window is closed.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Q and sal couldn't [ buzzer .]
narrator: Q and sal couldn't "mustard" up a win, so they're narrator: Q and sal couldn't "mustard" up a win, so they're first up on the loser board.
"mustard" up a win, so they're first up on the loser board.
today, we are teaming up to First up on the loser board.
today, we are teaming up to play a little game called today, we are teaming up to play a little game called "guess what you got to do.
" Play a little game called "guess what you got to do.
" each team will have to "guess what you got to do.
" each team will have to perform an action, but only one each team will have to perform an action, but only one member of the team will know Perform an action, but only one member of the team will know what it is.
Member of the team will know what it is.
the teammate that knows the What it is.
the teammate that knows the action will have to give his the teammate that knows the action will have to give his partner hints to figure out what Action will have to give his partner hints to figure out what he has to do.
if you can't guess your task correctly and perform it, you lose, sucker pants! Correctly and perform it, you lose, sucker pants! they didn't do anything to Lose, sucker pants! they didn't do anything to you.
they didn't do anything to you.
all right, I apologize.
You.
all right, I apologize.
I came in hot.
Who's guessing? Who's giving the hints? I will guess first.
Who's giving the hints? I will guess first.
take your earpiece out, then.
I will guess first.
take your earpiece out, then.
earpiece is out.
take your earpiece out, then.
earpiece is out.
murr, sal has got to call earpiece is out.
murr, sal has got to call somebody "pork chop.
" murr, sal has got to call somebody "pork chop.
" oh, wow.
Somebody "pork chop.
" oh, wow.
[ laughs .]
oh, wow.
[ laughs .]
remember, you're only allowed to [ laughs .]
remember, you're only allowed to give one hint at a time.
Remember, you're only allowed to give one hint at a time.
I think I made the wrong Give one hint at a time.
I think I made the wrong choice with the food.
I think I made the wrong choice with the food.
What did you get? Choice with the food.
What did you get? yeah, chicken.
yeah, chicken.
I'm not a fan of chicken.
You know, don't get me wrong.
I'm not a fan of chicken.
You know, don't get me wrong.
I like white meat, just not You know, don't get me wrong.
I like white meat, just not chicken.
I like white meat, just not chicken.
[ laugh .]
Chicken.
[ laugh .]
what the [bleep.]
is that [ laugh .]
what the [bleep.]
is that supposed to mean? what the [bleep.]
is that supposed to mean? [ laughs .]
Supposed to mean? [ laughs .]
that's not a hint.
[ laughs .]
that's not a hint.
that's a hint.
that's not a hint.
that's a hint.
That's a hint.
that's a hint.
That's a hint.
if that's a hint, I might as That's a hint.
if that's a hint, I might as well just commit suicide.
if that's a hint, I might as well just commit suicide.
[ laughs .]
Well just commit suicide.
[ laughs .]
I don't even know what to do.
[ laughs .]
I don't even know what to do.
sal, that's all you get, I don't even know what to do.
sal, that's all you get, buddy.
sal, that's all you get, buddy.
Do something.
Buddy.
Do something.
you like white meat, just not Do something.
you like white meat, just not chicken.
you like white meat, just not chicken.
Let me see -- is that very hot? Chicken.
Let me see -- is that very hot? Can I see that? Let me see -- is that very hot? Can I see that? Oh, it is hot.
Can I see that? Oh, it is hot.
It's hot.
Oh, it is hot.
It's hot.
Thank you.
It's hot.
Thank you.
nowhere near right.
Thank you.
nowhere near right.
give me another hint, then.
nowhere near right.
give me another hint, then.
sorry to interrupt, man.
I'm james, by the way.
What's your name? The nickname they call me is What's your name? The nickname they call me is murr.
The nickname they call me is murr.
What do you they call you? Murr.
What do you they call you? That's not a bad one, but What do you they call you? That's not a bad one, but doesn't really fit you well.
That's not a bad one, but doesn't really fit you well.
oh, all right, murr.
Doesn't really fit you well.
oh, all right, murr.
all right, this game's oh, all right, murr.
all right, this game's impossible.
all right, this game's impossible.
[ laughter .]
Impossible.
[ laughter .]
what, do you want me to try on [ laughter .]
what, do you want me to try on his chicken? What, do you want me to try on his chicken? What the hell doesn't fit you What the hell doesn't fit you well? Uh Well? Uh oh, he's stuck on "fit you Uh oh, he's stuck on "fit you well.
" oh, he's stuck on "fit you well.
" hmm.
Well.
" hmm.
where'd you get the hat? hmm.
where'd you get the hat? 'cause there's lids right there.
where'd you get the hat? 'cause there's lids right there.
They have the store right there 'cause there's lids right there.
They have the store right there for the hats.
They have the store right there for the hats.
[ laughing .]
For the hats.
[ laughing .]
oh, this is a disaster.
[ laughing .]
oh, this is a disaster.
is this a snapback hat? oh, this is a disaster.
is this a snapback hat? Can I see? is this a snapback hat? Can I see? Let me see.
Can I see? Let me see.
Hey? Let me see.
Hey? [ laughing .]
Hey? [ laughing .]
I hope that was it.
[ laughing .]
I hope that was it.
no way near right.
I hope that was it.
no way near right.
hey, do you know if there's no way near right.
hey, do you know if there's anyplace that serves applesauce hey, do you know if there's anyplace that serves applesauce around here or anything that Anyplace that serves applesauce around here or anything that goes with it? oh! [ laughing .]
applesauce.
[ laughing .]
applesauce.
or anything that goes with applesauce.
or anything that goes with it.
or anything that goes with it.
all right It.
all right Something that goes good with all right Something that goes good with applesauce -- pork chops.
Something that goes good with applesauce -- pork chops.
ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Applesauce -- pork chops.
ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! chops, pork, pork chop, ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! chops, pork, pork chop, pork chops, pork, pork chop, pork what they call me is "murr.
" Pork what they call me is "murr.
" they call what they call me is "murr.
" they call oh, he's so close! they call oh, he's so close! He's so close! oh, he's so close! He's so close! chops.
He's so close! chops.
Hey, pork chop.
chops.
Hey, pork chop.
[ laughter .]
Hey, pork chop.
[ laughter .]
he got it! [ laughter .]
he got it! what's going on, pork chop? he got it! what's going on, pork chop? [ laughter .]
what's going on, pork chop? [ laughter .]
we'll see you soon, [ laughter .]
we'll see you soon, pork chop.
we'll see you soon, pork chop.
[ ding! .]
Pork chop.
[ ding! .]
who's giving the clues and [ ding! .]
who's giving the clues and who's doing it? who's giving the clues and who's doing it? I'll hint.
Who's doing it? I'll hint.
oh, all right, I'll go.
I'll hint.
oh, all right, I'll go.
My earpiece is out.
oh, all right, I'll go.
My earpiece is out.
all right, q.
My earpiece is out.
all right, q.
yeah.
all right, q.
yeah.
he has got to yeah.
he has got to leapfrog over someone.
he has got to leapfrog over someone.
oh, come on.
leapfrog over someone.
oh, come on.
That's impossible.
oh, come on.
That's impossible.
I mean, they're setting us up to That's impossible.
I mean, they're setting us up to fail.
I mean, they're setting us up to fail.
well, I mean, good luck.
Fail.
well, I mean, good luck.
I got some chinese food, well, I mean, good luck.
I got some chinese food, 'cause I grew up next to -- I got some chinese food, 'cause I grew up next to -- my neighbors were chinese.
'cause I grew up next to -- my neighbors were chinese.
chinese.
My neighbors were chinese.
chinese.
so I would go over, and his chinese.
so I would go over, and his mother would cook us a big meal, so I would go over, and his mother would cook us a big meal, and then we'd, you know Mother would cook us a big meal, and then we'd, you know We'd do childhood games.
And then we'd, you know We'd do childhood games.
that's a hint.
We'd do childhood games.
that's a hint.
you played childhood games that's a hint.
you played childhood games when you were younger.
you played childhood games when you were younger.
That's interesting.
When you were younger.
That's interesting.
Chinese childhood games.
That's interesting.
Chinese childhood games.
hmm.
Chinese childhood games.
hmm.
duckDuckDuck hmm.
duckDuckDuck Goose! duckDuckDuck Goose! [ both laugh .]
Goose! [ both laugh .]
that's not it? [ both laugh .]
that's not it? we're talking about childhood That's not it? we're talking about childhood games.
we're talking about childhood games.
childhood games when you were Games.
childhood games when you were little -- duck, duck, goose.
childhood games when you were little -- duck, duck, goose.
that's not it.
Little -- duck, duck, goose.
that's not it.
Next clue.
that's not it.
Next clue.
you know what? Next clue.
you know what? There used to be a swamp here you know what? There used to be a swamp here with lots of frogs in it.
There used to be a swamp here with lots of frogs in it.
oh.
With lots of frogs in it.
oh.
swamp.
oh.
swamp.
lots of frogs in it.
swamp.
lots of frogs in it.
swamp ass? lots of frogs in it.
swamp ass? "swamp ass.
" swamp ass? "swamp ass.
" [ both laugh .]
"swamp ass.
" [ both laugh .]
I'm sorry, buddy.
[ both laugh .]
I'm sorry, buddy.
I just think I got to wipe your I'm sorry, buddy.
I just think I got to wipe your ass.
I just think I got to wipe your ass.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I think I just have to wipe your ass.
I mean I think I just have to wipe your ass.
I mean Is that it? Ass.
I mean Is that it? [ laughter .]
Is that it? [ laughter .]
that's not it.
[ laughter .]
that's not it.
that's not it.
that's not it.
that's not it.
[ laughing .]
that's not it.
[ laughing .]
he's up, he's up! [ laughing .]
he's up, he's up! It's over! he's up, he's up! It's over! you had to leapfrog him, you It's over! you had to leapfrog him, you idiot! you had to leapfrog him, you idiot! oh, I focused on the "swamp," Idiot! oh, I focused on the "swamp," not the "frog.
" oh, I focused on the "swamp," not the "frog.
" well, I'm just happy I didn't go Not the "frog.
" well, I'm just happy I didn't go for the wipe.
Well, I'm just happy I didn't go for the wipe.
I'm glad I asked him first.
For the wipe.
I'm glad I asked him first.
[ buzzer .]
I'm glad I asked him first.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't take [ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't take the leap, so he and q are narrator: Joe couldn't take the leap, so he and q are splashing onto the loser board.
The leap, so he and q are splashing onto the loser board.
Strangers through an unfortunate Splashing onto the loser board.
Strangers through an unfortunate series of events.
Strangers through an unfortunate series of events.
while chatting someone up, Series of events.
while chatting someone up, the guys will give us an action while chatting someone up, the guys will give us an action to perform, then another one, The guys will give us an action to perform, then another one, and then another one.
To perform, then another one, and then another one.
here's the rub.
And then another one.
here's the rub.
Every time you get a new here's the rub.
Every time you get a new action, you must redo the Action, you must redo the previous action first.
the goal is to remember and perform as many commands as you Perform as many commands as you can.
Can.
Whoever performs the least Whoever performs the least loses.
Loses.
and heads up, everybody.
and heads up, everybody.
This is a joker versus joker This is a joker versus joker challenge.
Challenge.
that's right.
that's right.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
When you said that, a [bleep.]
When you said that, a [bleep.]
bug smacked me in the face.
Bug smacked me in the face.
I slapped my nose, and it fell, I slapped my nose, and it fell, and I looked around.
And I looked around.
let's do it.
let's do it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
it's sal versus q in a it's sal versus q in a joker versus joker challenge.
Joker versus joker challenge.
this guy just threw up over this guy just threw up over the bench.
The bench.
every inch of the city is every inch of the city is covered in piss and vomit.
Covered in piss and vomit.
You know that, right? You know that, right? yep, I do.
yep, I do.
Actually, there's a report that Actually, there's a report that said they [bleep.]
on everything.
Said they [bleep.]
on everything.
oh, so what do you think dirt oh, so what do you think dirt is? Is? It's dinosaur [bleep.]
It's dinosaur [bleep.]
yeah.
Yeah.
Dirt is -- all dirt is dinosaur Dirt is -- all dirt is dinosaur [bleep.]
[bleep.]
I'm not sure if you're right I'm not sure if you're right on that one.
On that one.
look it up.
look it up.
what are the oceans, then? what are the oceans, then? Dinosaur piss? Dinosaur piss? no, it's water.
no, it's water.
What, are you ridiculous? What, are you ridiculous? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay, sal, ready, buddy? okay, sal, ready, buddy? so you're just eating lunch? so you're just eating lunch? yeah.
yeah.
all right, sal, you're gonna all right, sal, you're gonna hit her with an ugly smile Hit her with an ugly smile first.
First.
probably gonna get a sandwich probably gonna get a sandwich myself.
Myself.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
there it is.
there it is.
Sal, you've got to squeeze both Sal, you've got to squeeze both her shoulders.
Her shoulders.
But don't forget the first But don't forget the first thing.
Thing.
$3.
$3.
there it is.
there it is.
that's the best.
that's the best.
And I want to make sure I always And I want to make sure I always go to the right place.
Go to the right place.
Who wants to go to a bad place? Who wants to go to a bad place? I want to go to the best place! I want to go to the best place! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sal, spin 360 degrees.
sal, spin 360 degrees.
look, if someone's gonna come look, if someone's gonna come up and they want a dollar, I can Up and they want a dollar, I can give a dollar at first, but I Give a dollar at first, but I only have so many, so I can't Only have so many, so I can't give it all day.
Give it all day.
You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Give it all day? Give it all day? That's crazy.
That's crazy.
What, am I made of money? What, am I made of money? I'm not made of money.
I'm not made of money.
That would be insane! That would be insane! wow! He did it.
wow! He did it.
okay, sal, ready, buddy? okay, sal, ready, buddy? Do a pushup.
Do a pushup.
this is rough, man.
this is rough, man.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I'm here in the park.
I'm here in the park.
ugly smile.
ugly smile.
there you go.
there you go.
I'm gonna enjoy it.
I'm gonna enjoy it.
The park? The park? This park is my park.
This park is my park.
But yours, too.
But yours, too.
yes, it's everyone's park.
yes, it's everyone's park.
I mean, I'll stay here all I mean, I'll stay here all day.
Day.
And you know what's better than And you know what's better than this area? This area? Over there's better, and I like Over there's better, and I like going over there by the fountain Going over there by the fountain over there, too.
Over there, too.
uh-huh.
uh-huh.
uh, what was next? uh, what was next? ah! ah! this could be it.
this could be it.
he got it? he got it? I don't have time to I don't have time to exercise, so what am I gonna do? Exercise, so what am I gonna do? I'll be walking I'll be walking is he gonna get it? is he gonna get it? I just drop down I just drop down he got it! he got it! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
lovely meeting you.
Anna.
lovely meeting you.
Anna.
anna? I'm sal.
anna? I'm sal.
that was impressive, dude.
that was impressive, dude.
wow.
wow.
oh, man.
oh, man.
high five, sal.
high five, sal.
Well done.
Well done.
you a student? you a student? yeah.
yeah.
oh, cool, cool.
oh, cool, cool.
I'm gonna make the first one I'm gonna make the first one very difficult.
Very difficult.
Q, say, "hey, buckaroo.
Q, say, "hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too.
Cherry, too.
Wear pants and pleats? Wear pants and pleats? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
Steam engines go choo choo choo Steam engines go choo choo choo choo.
Choo.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
that's your first one.
That's your first one.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good luck remembering that good luck remembering that [bleep.]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
well, hey, buckaroo.
well, hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Cherry on top with whipped Cherry on top with whipped cream, too? Cream, too? I wear pleated pants.
I wear pleated pants.
How about you? How about you? Steam engines go choo choo.
Steam engines go choo choo.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I don't know if I'm getting I don't know if I'm getting that right, but I like it.
That right, but I like it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
good.
Okay, the second thing, good.
Okay, the second thing, take your shoe off and throw it Take your shoe off and throw it across the park.
Across the park.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they're killing me.
they're killing me.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right, buddy, stick with me All right, buddy, stick with me on this one.
On this one.
okay.
okay.
okay, okay.
okay, okay.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
UhHow are you? UhHow are you? Whipped cream -- Whipped cream -- whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Where did -- Where did -- wear pants with pleats? Wear pants with pleats? yes, I do.
yes, I do.
the guy knows it better.
the guy knows it better.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is good.
this is good.
This is what I like about you.
This is what I like about you.
Steam engines go choo choo choo! Steam engines go choo choo choo! yeah! yeah! okay.
okay.
How do you like them shoes? How do you like them shoes? as in you want to wear them? as in you want to wear them? well well Close.
Close.
I kind of just want to throw I kind of just want to throw them into that.
Them into that.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
are you gonna throw your are you gonna throw your shoes, also? Shoes, also? yes, I'll let you throw mine.
yes, I'll let you throw mine.
all right, solidarity.
all right, solidarity.
[bleep.]
let's do it.
[bleep.]
let's do it.
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
both of them or just one? both of them or just one? just one for now.
just one for now.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I get to throw yours, also? I get to throw yours, also? go ahead.
go ahead.
I love those boots.
I love those boots.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
now fake box him to the now fake box him to the stomach.
Stomach.
oh, god.
oh, god.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Pants with pleats? Pants with pleats? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
A steam engine goes choo choo A steam engine goes choo choo choo.
Choo.
Can I borrow that other shoe? Can I borrow that other shoe? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
let's just see where this crazy Let's just see where this crazy train goes.
Train goes.
I'll give you mine.
I'll give you mine.
What if you throw mine first? What if you throw mine first? [ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
this guy just wants to help.
this guy just wants to help.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
okay.
okay.
Fake box.
Fake box.
high five, high five.
high five, high five.
stick with me.
Okay.
stick with me.
Okay.
Ready? Ready? Here we go.
Here we go.
Hey, buckaroo.
Hey, buckaroo.
How are you? How are you? Whipped cream on top and a Whipped cream on top and a cherry, too? Cherry, too? Pleated pants? Pleated pants? Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
A steam engine goes choo choo A steam engine goes choo choo choo choo.
Choo choo.
Boom.
Got that.
Boom.
Got that.
[ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
out of shoes.
Out of shoes.
I lose.
I lose.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
narrator: Q's out of shoes and out of luck, so it's time narrator: Q's out of shoes and out of luck, so it's time for his punishment.
And out of luck, so it's time for his punishment.
so, q is the big loser.
For his punishment.
so, q is the big loser.
yes, and tonight, he faces so, q is the big loser.
yes, and tonight, he faces the mother of all punishments.
yes, and tonight, he faces the mother of all punishments.
that's right, 'cause you're The mother of all punishments.
that's right, 'cause you're teaching lamaze to a room full that's right, 'cause you're teaching lamaze to a room full of pregnant women.
Teaching lamaze to a room full of pregnant women.
yeah, kid! Of pregnant women.
yeah, kid! none of these kids are mine, yeah, kid! none of these kids are mine, right? none of these kids are mine, right? every one! Right? every one! every one is mine? every one! every one is mine? This is the worst punishment every one is mine? This is the worst punishment ever.
This is the worst punishment ever.
you're getting a kid! Ever.
you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! hi.
And you're getting a kid! hi.
[ chuckles .]
hi.
[ chuckles .]
how far along is everybody? [ chuckles .]
how far along is everybody? Far? How far along is everybody? Far? [ laughs .]
Far? [ laughs .]
is there any accidents here, [ laughs .]
is there any accidents here, or are they all planned? is there any accidents here, or are they all planned? [ laughing .]
Or are they all planned? [ laughing .]
what the [bleep.]
is he [ laughing .]
what the [bleep.]
is he talking about? what the [bleep.]
is he talking about? okay.
Breathing techniques.
Talking about? okay.
Breathing techniques.
My name's brian quinn.
okay.
Breathing techniques.
My name's brian quinn.
I'm a breathing expert, and I My name's brian quinn.
I'm a breathing expert, and I learned that in india.
I'm a breathing expert, and I learned that in india.
[ laughs .]
Learned that in india.
[ laughs .]
you can't walk 2 feet in [ laughs .]
you can't walk 2 feet in india without somebody grabbing you can't walk 2 feet in india without somebody grabbing you and being like, "hey, man, India without somebody grabbing you and being like, "hey, man, relax.
You and being like, "hey, man, relax.
Calm down, man.
" Relax.
Calm down, man.
" this isn't jamaica.
Calm down, man.
" this isn't jamaica.
[ laughter .]
this isn't jamaica.
[ laughter .]
"relaxing through labor.
[ laughter .]
"relaxing through labor.
Demonstration.
" "relaxing through labor.
Demonstration.
" wait.
What? Demonstration.
" wait.
What? yeah, you're gonna Wait.
What? yeah, you're gonna demonstrate how to relax through yeah, you're gonna demonstrate how to relax through labor, bud.
Demonstrate how to relax through labor, bud.
"oh, stephanie.
" Labor, bud.
"oh, stephanie.
" stephanie? this is your real punishment.
This device simulates the pains of childbirth.
This device simulates the pains of childbirth.
[ laughter .]
Of childbirth.
[ laughter .]
so, what I'm gonna do, I'm [ laughter .]
so, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna place the pads on your so, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna place the pads on your abdomen, and it's gonna contract Gonna place the pads on your abdomen, and it's gonna contract your muscles just like during Abdomen, and it's gonna contract your muscles just like during labor, like a baby's about to Your muscles just like during labor, like a baby's about to come out.
Labor, like a baby's about to come out.
[ laughter .]
Come out.
[ laughter .]
there's eight levels of [ laughter .]
there's eight levels of intensity.
There's eight levels of intensity.
look at his face.
Intensity.
look at his face.
so, we're gonna put it on look at his face.
so, we're gonna put it on level 1, and it's as if your so, we're gonna put it on level 1, and it's as if your water just broke.
Level 1, and it's as if your water just broke.
okay.
[ laughs .]
tell them how to relax, buddy.
tell them how to relax, buddy.
god.
The key is to remain Buddy.
god.
The key is to remain calm.
god.
The key is to remain calm.
Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
Calm.
Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
yourself"! Don't tell somebody, "go [bleep.]
yourself"! [ laughter .]
Yourself"! [ laughter .]
you got to relax through this.
[ laughter .]
you got to relax through this.
I think we should give a You got to relax through this.
I think we should give a minute I think we should give a minute Dude Minute Dude So, that's like what Dude So, that's like what contractions feel like, huh? So, that's like what contractions feel like, huh? [ laughter .]
Contractions feel like, huh? [ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
all right.
[ beeps .]
all right.
So, now we're gonna go up to all right.
So, now we're gonna go up to level 2, okay? So, now we're gonna go up to level 2, okay? that was level 1! Level 2, okay? that was level 1! That was level 1.
that was level 1! That was level 1.
[bleep.]
you guys.
That was level 1.
[bleep.]
you guys.
Okay.
All right.
[bleep.]
you guys.
Okay.
All right.
I mean, it's bearable, Okay.
All right.
I mean, it's bearable, obviously -- I mean, it's bearable, obviously -- [ beeps .]
Obviously -- [ beeps .]
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
[ beeps .]
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
doing it.
I can do it because I'm [bleep.]
doing it.
That little son of a bitch into Doing it.
That little son of a bitch into the world, clawing his way That little son of a bitch into the world, clawing his way towards your genit-- The world, clawing his way towards your genit-- right through your genitalia.
Towards your genit-- right through your genitalia.
Oh, yeah.
Right through your genitalia.
Oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
Oh, yeah.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
how do you girls do this? [bleep.]
how do you girls do this? [ laughter .]
How do you girls do this? [ laughter .]
what level is this?! [ laughter .]
what level is this?! What level is this?! What level is this?! What level is this?! this is 8.
What level is this?! this is 8.
8?! this is 8.
8?! This is 8?! 8?! This is 8?! [ beeps .]
This is 8?! [ beeps .]
okay.
[ beeps .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
oh, my god.
[ beeps .]
oh, my god.
Oh.
Oh, my god.
Oh.
[ grunts .]
Oh.
[ grunts .]
aah.
[ grunts .]
aah.
Oh, yeah! Aah.
Oh, yeah! So -- ohh! Oh, yeah! So -- ohh! [ laughter .]
So -- ohh! [ laughter .]
aah! [ laughter .]
aah! Steph Aah! Steph You justCut the Steph You justCut the [bleep.]
baby out.
You justCut the [bleep.]
baby out.
Just get this stinking baby out [bleep.]
baby out.
Just get this stinking baby out of me! Just get this stinking baby out of me! [ laughter .]
Of me! [ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeps .]
aah! Remember to breathe! [ beeps .]
aah! Remember to breathe! Aah! Aah! Remember to breathe! Aah! Oh [bleep.]
Aah! Oh [bleep.]
ohh! Oh [bleep.]
ohh! Oh, my god! Ohh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Aah! Oh, my god, I'm begging you.
Aah! Okay, okay! Aah! Okay, okay! What is wrong with you?! Okay, okay! What is wrong with you?! [ breathes deeply .]
What is wrong with you?! [ breathes deeply .]
all right, that's it.
[ breathes deeply .]
all right, that's it.
You just had your baby.
all right, that's it.
You just had your baby.
[ laughter .]
so, now Now starts the hard part -- what to name it.
Now starts the hard part -- what to name it.
[ laughter .]
To name it.
[ laughter .]
your punishment is now over, [ laughter .]
your punishment is now over, bud.
your punishment is now over, bud.
Well done.