Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e19 Episode Script
Quantum Mock-anics
narrator: Coming up, why is joe getting slap happy? [ laughs .]
Joe getting slap happy? [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr go [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr go belly-up? narrator: Will murr go belly-up? I didn't know she was Belly-up? I didn't know she was pregnant.
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
Pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
[ laughter .]
I thought she was just fat.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which one of [ laughter .]
narrator: And which one of the jokers will be put in the narrator: And which one of the jokers will be put in the hot seat for tonight's The jokers will be put in the hot seat for tonight's punishment? Hot seat for tonight's punishment? prepare for something Punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're teaming up at the ultra-hip beauty-supply store ricky's.
while working the sales floor, you have to do and say what the other guys tell you.
Floor, you have to do and say what the other guys tell you.
if you refuse to do or say What the other guys tell you.
if you refuse to do or say anything, your team loses.
if you refuse to do or say anything, your team loses.
I just can't do a thing with I just can't do a thing with it for the past 20 years.
[ laughter .]
all right.
but we don't have to say but we don't have to say anything.
Anything.
If we give it enough time, If we give it enough time, they're just gonna They're just gonna self-destruct.
Self-destruct.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
this is the most delicious this is the most delicious thing I've ever smelled in my life.
Thing I've ever smelled in my life.
let me see it.
Life.
let me see it.
[ laughter .]
let me see it.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
you guys are supposed to be wow.
you guys are supposed to be on the same team! you guys are supposed to be on the same team! now, murr, help people like On the same team! now, murr, help people like that.
now, murr, help people like that.
[ laughter .]
That.
[ laughter .]
did you find everything you [ laughter .]
did you find everything you need, sir? You find everything? No problems? Okay.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the same team.
You're supposed to be on the same team.
dude, I didn't know it was Same team.
dude, I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
dude, I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
I ran away.
Gonna be like that.
I ran away.
[ laughter .]
I ran away.
[ laughter .]
I didn't know it was gonna come [ laughter .]
I didn't know it was gonna come out like that.
I didn't know it was gonna come out like that.
that's your teammate.
Out like that.
that's your teammate.
Get back out there! that's your teammate.
Get back out there! I'm sorry, buddy.
Get back out there! I'm sorry, buddy.
I had no idea.
I'm sorry, buddy.
I had no idea.
idiot! I had no idea.
idiot! [ laughter .]
sal, berate murray in front of this guy.
this is our address though, Of this guy.
this is our address though, yeah.
this is our address though, yeah.
you got to check this deal to Yeah.
you got to check this deal to make sure -- where's -- where's you got to check this deal to make sure -- where's -- where's the order? Make sure -- where's -- where's the order? How long have you been working The order? How long have you been working here? How long have you been working here? two years.
Here? two years.
that you don't know how to two years.
that you don't know how to look at an invoice and just that you don't know how to look at an invoice and just check -- this happens every Look at an invoice and just check -- this happens every single day, someone like this Check -- this happens every single day, someone like this comes in.
Single day, someone like this comes in.
well, I was checking it.
Comes in.
well, I was checking it.
when I speak, don't talk back well, I was checking it.
when I speak, don't talk back to me, okay? when I speak, don't talk back to me, okay? [ laughter .]
To me, okay? [ laughter .]
this is a sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
this is a sock skin update.
It's the sock skin update.
this is a sock skin update.
It's the sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
It's the sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
he's a complete [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
he's a complete [bleep.]
idiot.
he's a complete [bleep.]
idiot.
[ sighs .]
Idiot.
[ sighs .]
it's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
[ sighs .]
it's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
"oh, oh.
He's right.
It's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
"oh, oh.
He's right.
This is for me.
" "oh, oh.
He's right.
This is for me.
" oh, he's right.
This is for me.
" oh, he's right.
That is for me.
oh, he's right.
That is for me.
I'm so sorry about that.
That is for me.
I'm so sorry about that.
Take a -- take a lunch.
I'm so sorry about that.
Take a -- take a lunch.
"take a lunch?!" Take a -- take a lunch.
"take a lunch?!" [ laughter .]
"take a lunch?!" [ laughter .]
how are you today, ma'am? [ laughter .]
how are you today, ma'am? murr, go, "oh, my god.
" how are you today, ma'am? murr, go, "oh, my god.
" oh, my god.
murr, go, "oh, my god.
" oh, my god.
"I must brush that hair.
" oh, my god.
"I must brush that hair.
" no.
I must brush that hair.
"I must brush that hair.
" no.
I must brush that hair.
why? no.
I must brush that hair.
why? because it looks so fun to why? because it looks so fun to brush.
because it looks so fun to brush.
[ laughs .]
Brush.
[ laughs .]
I'm just like, "what happened?" [ laughs .]
I'm just like, "what happened?" I'm sorry.
I'm just like, "what happened?" I'm sorry.
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
I'm sorry.
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
nobody told you to do that.
[ laughter .]
nobody told you to do that.
nobody told -- nobody told you to do that.
nobody told -- no, I know.
nobody told -- no, I know.
[ laughter .]
no, I know.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
okay, guys.
Hat at 12:00.
Go up and help.
Hat at 12:00.
Go up and help.
welcome to ricky's.
Go up and help.
welcome to ricky's.
Good one -- a really good one to Good one -- a really good one to smell.
q, remember when you told me to pull the girl's hat down in To pull the girl's hat down in the ski lodge? The ski lodge? yeah.
yeah.
look what's in front of you, buddy.
look what's in front of you, buddy.
[ laughs .]
touché! Buddy.
[ laughs .]
touché! oh, you don't seem like [ laughs .]
touché! oh, you don't seem like you're up for this.
oh, you don't seem like you're up for this.
[ laughter .]
You're up for this.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
t-try this one.
[ laughter .]
t-try this one.
Just breathe in the -- just T-try this one.
Just breathe in the -- just breathe.
Just breathe in the -- just breathe.
there you go.
Breathe.
there you go.
just the scent.
there you go.
just the scent.
You got to let -- just the just the scent.
You got to let -- just the scent.
You got to let -- just the scent.
wow.
Scent.
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
joe, smack this guy's ass at [ laughter .]
joe, smack this guy's ass at the counter.
joe, smack this guy's ass at the counter.
[ laughs .]
The counter.
[ laughs .]
hey, man.
How's it going? [ laughs .]
hey, man.
How's it going? Let me know if you need some hey, man.
How's it going? Let me know if you need some help.
Let me know if you need some help.
[ laughter .]
Help.
[ laughter .]
keep doing it.
[ laughter .]
keep doing it.
Keep doing it.
keep doing it.
Keep doing it.
joe, do it again.
Keep doing it.
joe, do it again.
it's my friend.
joe, do it again.
it's my friend.
He's an aussie.
it's my friend.
He's an aussie.
q, get in on this action.
He's an aussie.
q, get in on this action.
q, move in for the left q, get in on this action.
q, move in for the left cheek.
q, move in for the left cheek.
oh, you're from australia? yeah, it's how we say "hi" around here.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Around here.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Yeah, there we go.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Yeah, there we go.
[ laughter .]
Yeah, there we go.
[ laughter .]
the down under, you know what [ laughter .]
the down under, you know what I'm saying? the down under, you know what I'm saying? [ laughter .]
I'm saying? [ laughter .]
hey.
[ laughter .]
hey.
You need help with anything? misses jessie's products.
in front of this woman, knock something over and pick it up in front of this woman, knock something over and pick it up really weird.
oh, no.
That's it.
Oh, I'm -- Oh, I'm -- sorry.
Sorry.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
all right, q.
all right, q.
You knock something over and You knock something over and you pick it up weird.
You pick it up weird.
oh oh [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yeah, are they? yeah, are they? what was that? what was that? that was pretty weird, q.
that was pretty weird, q.
I think joe's got you beat.
I think joe's got you beat.
the weird ball is in your the weird ball is in your court.
Court.
Oh.
Oh.
oh, man.
No.
oh, man.
No.
try to out-weird q.
try to out-weird q.
let me get it for you.
let me get it for you.
no, I got it.
no, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
she is not even looking.
she is not even looking.
What is going on?! What is going on?! Does she not see? Does she not see? nothing phases her.
nothing phases her.
she didn't do -- she didn't she didn't do -- she didn't even look up.
Even look up.
unless I picked it up with my unless I picked it up with my ass[bleep.]
I don't know how we could have made it any weirder.
Ass[bleep.]
I don't know how we could have made it any weirder.
[ laughter .]
Could have made it any weirder.
[ laughter .]
hi.
You need help with anything? oh, manic panic? yeah.
guys, start nicknaming her yeah.
guys, start nicknaming her body parts.
guys, start nicknaming her body parts.
actually, I love that, 'cause Body parts.
actually, I love that, 'cause that brings out the color in actually, I love that, 'cause that brings out the color in your -- you know, your That brings out the color in your -- you know, your johnny cashes right there.
Your -- you know, your johnny cashes right there.
yeah.
Thank you.
Johnny cashes right there.
yeah.
Thank you.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Thank you.
[ chuckles .]
how long have you been [ chuckles .]
how long have you been wearing your quinoa salad like how long have you been wearing your quinoa salad like that? Wearing your quinoa salad like that? [ laughter .]
honestly, that really brings out your tickle me elmo.
Out your tickle me elmo.
I like what you've done with I like what you've done with your shaggy.
Your shaggy.
It really brings out your velma.
It really brings out your velma.
you -- your fred's ascot is you -- your fred's ascot is looking good, though.
Looking good, though.
that's a hell of an apple that's a hell of an apple cobbler.
q, "hey, by the way, you got a sweet ass.
" A sweet ass.
" [ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
say it! say it! no.
no.
say it or lose.
say it or lose.
goodbye.
All right.
We lose.
goodbye.
All right.
We lose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I'm not saying she's -- ow! I'm not saying she's -- ow! fail, suckers! fail, suckers! narrator: Joe and q refuse, narrator: Joe and q refuse, so their sweet asses are on the loser board.
So their sweet asses are on the loser board.
all: Ihola! Loser board.
all: Ihola! we're in times square trying all: Ihola! we're in times square trying to get someone to help us read a we're in times square trying to get someone to help us read a text message that the other To get someone to help us read a text message that the other jokers have sent us.
Text message that the other jokers have sent us.
but there's just one Jokers have sent us.
but there's just one problema -- the message is in but there's just one problema -- the message is in spanish, which none of us speak.
so we have to find someone to help us translate this, no Help us translate this, no doubt, embarrassing message and Doubt, embarrassing message and help us craft a reply.
Help us craft a reply.
[ hispanic accent .]
and like [ hispanic accent .]
and like my godfather told me, if you can't get someone to help you My godfather told me, if you can't get someone to help you reply to the message, you lose.
Can't get someone to help you reply to the message, you lose.
[ laughter .]
all right.
Here comes your spanish text message, buddy.
Here comes your spanish text message, buddy.
[ cellphone beeps .]
Message, buddy.
[ cellphone beeps .]
remember, you got to get [ cellphone beeps .]
remember, you got to get somebody to help you write back remember, you got to get somebody to help you write back in spanish.
Somebody to help you write back in spanish.
excuse me.
In spanish.
excuse me.
Do you -- do you, um -- do you excuse me.
Do you -- do you, um -- do you read spanish at all? Do you -- do you, um -- do you read spanish at all? I got a text.
Read spanish at all? I got a text.
I don't know what it says.
I got a text.
I don't know what it says.
Weird, right? I don't know what it says.
Weird, right? Excuse me.
Weird, right? Excuse me.
Do you speak spanish? Excuse me.
Do you speak spanish? Could you -- I got a text.
Do you speak spanish? Could you -- I got a text.
I'm hoping maybe you can read it Could you -- I got a text.
I'm hoping maybe you can read it and help me out.
Right.
Drop whatever I'm doing.
yeah.
Drop whatever I'm doing.
yeah.
oh, don't have anybody come yeah.
oh, don't have anybody come within 10 feet of me? oh, don't have anybody come within 10 feet of me? [ laughter .]
Within 10 feet of me? [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I don't know.
[ laughter .]
I don't know.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Okay, can you answer them back Oh, my god.
Okay, can you answer them back for me? Okay, can you answer them back for me? What is your name? For me? What is your name? Filomina.
What is your name? Filomina.
Could you -- could you write, "I Filomina.
Could you -- could you write, "I think I just infected filomina"? Could you -- could you write, "I think I just infected filomina"? [ laughter .]
Think I just infected filomina"? [ laughter .]
oh! She's got it! [ laughter .]
oh! She's got it! I really appreciate you oh! She's got it! I really appreciate you helping me.
I really appreciate you helping me.
[ laughter .]
Helping me.
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
oh, my god.
[ coughs .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
all right.
[ coughs .]
all right.
okay.
all right.
okay.
okay, well, thank you so okay.
okay, well, thank you so much.
okay, well, thank you so much.
so, let's just write back.
Much.
so, let's just write back.
write back, write back.
so, let's just write back.
write back, write back.
[ laughter .]
here.
Wait.
What's that -- what does that mean? What's that -- what does that mean? [ laughter .]
Mean? [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
chances are I could translate chances are I could translate these on my own.
right, 'cause you're -- you're mexican.
You're mexican.
[ laughing .]
I'm not mexican.
[ laughing .]
I'm not mexican.
why are you averse to being why are you averse to being called mexican? Called mexican? I'm not adverse.
I'm not adverse.
I'm just not mexican, so it's a I'm just not mexican, so it's a misrepresentation.
Misrepresentation.
you've called "cool" before you've called "cool" before and "good-looking.
" And "good-looking.
" [ laughs .]
andSent.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
do you speak spanish, by any chance? do you speak spanish, by any chance? yes.
Chance? yes.
I got a text in spanish.
yes.
I got a text in spanish.
Maybe you can read it.
I got a text in spanish.
Maybe you can read it.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
full oh [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of full oh [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
maybe I can write, "well, [ laughter .]
maybe I can write, "well, what's --" Maybe I can write, "well, what's --" forget about her? Forget about her? How do you know it's a girl? oh, she thinks it's a girl 'cause he's nervous.
'cause he's nervous.
whoa, whoa, whoa.
whoa, whoa, whoa.
she's not gonna write it! she's not gonna write it! She's not gonna write it! She's not gonna write it! I-I-I would want to write I-I-I would want to write back, just in case, so Back, just in case, so [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
how do I write "what the How do I write "what the [bleep.]
" in spanish? [bleep.]
" in spanish? Can you tell me? Can you tell me? I don't know how to say it.
I don't know how to say it.
I'll write "what the [bleep.]
" I'll write "what the [bleep.]
" you got to -- You got to -- [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
dude! She's doing it! dude! She's doing it! okay.
okay.
okay.
That's it.
there it is.
okay.
That's it.
there it is.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
there it is.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I'll send that [bleep.]
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I'll send that [bleep.]
so, the conversation is, "I I'll send that [bleep.]
so, the conversation is, "I can't believe you like the movie so, the conversation is, "I can't believe you like the movie "cast away.
" Can't believe you like the movie "cast away.
" you're full of [bleep.]
" "cast away.
" you're full of [bleep.]
" "who the [bleep.]
are you?!" You're full of [bleep.]
" "who the [bleep.]
are you?!" [ laughter .]
"who the [bleep.]
are you?!" [ laughter .]
so, she texted back, so I [ laughter .]
so, she texted back, so I believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes so, she texted back, so I believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes to you.
Believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes to you.
yes.
That's right.
uh, amigos, what do you think of this one? Of this one? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sir, do you speak spanish? I-I got a text message from a sir, do you speak spanish? I-I got a text message from a number I don't know.
I-I got a text message from a number I don't know.
And -- and it's in spanish.
Number I don't know.
And -- and it's in spanish.
I don't know what it means.
And -- and it's in spanish.
I don't know what it means.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
oh! Oh! Oh.
Oh! Oh! Oh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
In which case, I got no problems I thought she was just fat.
In which case, I got no problems with that.
In which case, I got no problems with that.
[ laughter .]
With that.
[ laughter .]
I'll throw eggs at fat people [ laughter .]
I'll throw eggs at fat people all day long.
I'll throw eggs at fat people all day long.
Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an All day long.
Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an animal, right? Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an animal, right? [ laughter .]
Animal, right? [ laughter .]
anyways, can you write this [ laughter .]
anyways, can you write this person back? Anyways, can you write this person back? "I thought she was just fat, Person back? "I thought she was just fat, in which case, my conscious is "I thought she was just fat, in which case, my conscious is clear.
" In which case, my conscious is clear.
" [ laughter .]
Clear.
" [ laughter .]
yo pensé [ laughter .]
yo pensé yo pensé yo pensé yo pensé [ laughs .]
yo pensé [ laughs .]
oh, he's helping him.
[ laughs .]
oh, he's helping him.
this guys is a gem of a man.
oh, he's helping him.
this guys is a gem of a man.
he's willing to help a this guys is a gem of a man.
he's willing to help a brother out in need.
he's willing to help a brother out in need.
I'll tell you that much.
Brother out in need.
I'll tell you that much.
[ laughter .]
I'll tell you that much.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
I need someone who speaks in spanish.
[ laughter .]
Spanish.
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
oh, man, do you speak spanish? [ cellphone beeps .]
oh, man, do you speak spanish? yeah.
Oh, man, do you speak spanish? yeah.
yeah, you do? yeah.
yeah, you do? Could you help me out? yeah, you do? Could you help me out? I got a text, and I, uh, don't Could you help me out? I got a text, and I, uh, don't know what it says, 'cause I I got a text, and I, uh, don't know what it says, 'cause I don't speak spanish.
Know what it says, 'cause I don't speak spanish.
let me see.
"cara de culo.
" what does that mean? What does that mean? de culo! de culo! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what is -- what is --? what is -- what is --? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
buttface? Buttface? Oh! Oh! So, named their daughter after So, named their daughter after me, and they call her assface.
Me, and they call her assface.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's crazy.
That's crazy.
Uh, I mean, I should say "thank Uh, I mean, I should say "thank you," so You," so wow.
wow.
come on! come on! "thank you for calling your "thank you for calling your daughter a cara de culo.
" Daughter a cara de culo.
" yep.
Yep.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they call me "assface" out of They call me "assface" out of love.
Love.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: All the jokers did narrator: All the jokers did bueno, so no one ends up on el loser board-o.
Bueno, so no one ends up on el loser board-o.
today, we're at the mall El loser board-o.
today, we're at the mall going up to complete strangers today, we're at the mall going up to complete strangers and asking, "hey, don't I know Going up to complete strangers and asking, "hey, don't I know you?" And asking, "hey, don't I know you?" the other guys will be You?" the other guys will be providing the embarrassing the other guys will be providing the embarrassing details of how we know the Providing the embarrassing details of how we know the person on these cue cards.
the goal is to get one of these strangers to say that, These strangers to say that, hey, they know you.
Hey, they know you.
if you can't get someone to if you can't get someone to say they know you, you lose.
Say they know you, you lose.
let's do it! let's do it! oh! oh! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: It's joe and sal in narrator: It's joe and sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
you guys ready?Challenge.
okay.
okay.
what to do here? what to do here? There's so many stores to shop There's so many stores to shop from.
From.
I'll just stand here and pretend I'll just stand here and pretend that I don't know where to go.
That I don't know where to go.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, hey -- hey.
oh, hey -- hey.
how you doing? uh, I know you.
how you doing? uh, I know you.
No, I think so.
uh, I know you.
No, I think so.
UhI think I -- yeah.
UhI think I -- yeah.
I met you at, uh -- where did I meet you? I met you at, uh -- where did I meet you? In the ocean.
Meet you? In the ocean.
[ laughter .]
In the ocean.
[ laughter .]
it was in the ocean.
[ laughter .]
it was in the ocean.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I It was in the ocean.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I was biting linda.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I was biting linda.
You've never been to the shore? Was biting linda.
You've never been to the shore? Linda got bit by the jellyfish, You've never been to the shore? Linda got bit by the jellyfish, so I was biting her like, "ah, Linda got bit by the jellyfish, so I was biting her like, "ah, I'm a jellyfish!" So I was biting her like, "ah, I'm a jellyfish!" you don't remember that? I'm a jellyfish!" you don't remember that? no.
You don't remember that? no.
no.
no.
no.
Nowadays, I'm mackin' biddies no.
Nowadays, I'm mackin' biddies on the bus.
biddies means "old people.
" you know, I've been doing you know, I've been doing some heavy mackin' on the bus.
Some heavy mackin' on the bus.
You sure you weren't in the You sure you weren't in the ocean? You don't know me? I don't.
I don't.
well, if you need me, I'll be well, if you need me, I'll be mackin' biddies on the x10.
[ laughter .]
Mackin' biddies on the x10.
[ laughter .]
the x10.
[ laughter .]
the x10.
I mack dem biddies.
the x10.
I mack dem biddies.
[ laughter .]
I mack dem biddies.
[ laughter .]
there is a vicki's secret in [ laughter .]
there is a vicki's secret in here.
There is a vicki's secret in here.
Where is that at? Here.
Where is that at? at the end by ann taylor.
Where is that at? at the end by ann taylor.
oh, on the -- on the left? at the end by ann taylor.
oh, on the -- on the left? Oh, I know you.
Yeah.
Wh-- you look so familiar.
Holy cow.
Wh-- you look so familiar.
Holy cow.
I-I know you -- oh, were you at I-I know you -- oh, were you at the circuit city closing party? You know, when they shut downy? Circuit city, they threw that Circuit city, they threw that big jamboree at the -- you Big jamboree at the -- you weren't there? Weren't there? No? No? You -- you wouldn't forget me.
You -- you wouldn't forget me.
I was the guy that was, uh, I was the guy that was, uh, forcing everything into a hole.
Forcing everything into a hole.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
everything was getting forced Everything was getting forced into the hole.
At circuit city closing party.
Because, you know, best buy took Because, you know, best buy took over and it sat.
Over and it sat.
Nowadays, I, uh -- I, uh -- I Nowadays, I, uh -- I, uh -- I fill boneyards with suckas.
Fill boneyards with suckas.
"fill boneyards with suckas.
" "fill boneyards with suckas.
" you sure you don't know me? you sure you don't know me? Circuit city closing party.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Circuit city closing party.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Damn it, circuit city.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Damn it, circuit city.
I was taking it to the hole.
Damn it, circuit city.
I was taking it to the hole.
[ buzzer .]
I was taking it to the hole.
[ buzzer .]
oh, my god.
Dude.
It's sal.
oh, my god.
Dude.
It's sal.
I know you.
You work in the mall? You work in the mall? You do, right? You do, right? We met at a -- at, uh, the We met at a -- at, uh, the lesbian wedding.
No, no.
Lesbian wedding.
No, no.
I mean, you might not have No, no.
I mean, you might not have known.
I mean, you might not have known.
They didn't say anything to Known.
They didn't say anything to anybody.
They didn't say anything to anybody.
how do you not know it's a Anybody.
how do you not know it's a lesbian wedding if there's two how do you not know it's a lesbian wedding if there's two women getting married? Lesbian wedding if there's two women getting married? [ laughter .]
Women getting married? [ laughter .]
you know what? [ laughter .]
you know what? I was the guy protesting women's You know what? I was the guy protesting women's suffrage at it.
I was the guy protesting women's suffrage at it.
[ laughter .]
Suffrage at it.
[ laughter .]
at a lesbian wedding.
[ laughter .]
at a lesbian wedding.
I mean, women have suffered at a lesbian wedding.
I mean, women have suffered enough, and I protest that.
I mean, women have suffered enough, and I protest that.
that's not what women's Enough, and I protest that.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's Suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
what is women's suffrage? Suffrage is.
what is women's suffrage? women's suffrage is the right what is women's suffrage? women's suffrage is the right to vote.
women's suffrage is the right to vote.
No, not women's suffering.
To vote.
No, not women's suffering.
I protest women's suffrage, No, not women's suffering.
I protest women's suffrage, because theyShould be able to I protest women's suffrage, because theyShould be able to vote? Because theyShould be able to vote? yeah.
Vote? yeah.
yes.
yeah.
yes.
And I don't know if I'm yes.
And I don't know if I'm protesting for or against, And I don't know if I'm protesting for or against, like -- what am I? Protesting for or against, like -- what am I? against.
Like -- what am I? against.
I was against women's against.
I was against women's suffrage.
I was against women's suffrage.
no, he's for -- Suffrage.
no, he's for -- [ laughter .]
no, he's for -- [ laughter .]
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm [ laughter .]
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm at the lesbian wedding.
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm at the lesbian wedding.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
At the lesbian wedding.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
I support women.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
I support women.
I support gay rights.
I support women.
I support gay rights.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a I support gay rights.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a swell guy.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a swell guy.
I mean, nowadays Swell guy.
I mean, nowadays Nowadays, I just watch state I mean, nowadays Nowadays, I just watch state executions.
Nowadays, I just watch state executions.
[ laughter .]
Executions.
[ laughter .]
I don't have a lot of cable [ laughter .]
I don't have a lot of cable channels.
Do you remember me at all? Are you sure? Sal vulcano? Are you sure? Sal vulcano? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, you don't know me? no.
So, you don't know me? no.
okay, I'm not kidding you.
no.
okay, I'm not kidding you.
His hand feels like a -- it's okay, I'm not kidding you.
His hand feels like a -- it's sopping, sopping wet.
His hand feels like a -- it's sopping, sopping wet.
okay, sal, if you don't want Sopping, sopping wet.
okay, sal, if you don't want the loss, lick your hand and okay, sal, if you don't want the loss, lick your hand and you win.
The loss, lick your hand and you win.
oh! You win.
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
give me the [bleep.]
loss for [ laughter .]
give me the [bleep.]
loss for this.
give me the [bleep.]
loss for this.
[ laughter .]
This.
[ laughter .]
I know you, dude.
[ laughter .]
I know you, dude.
sal, this guy is my hero.
I know you, dude.
sal, this guy is my hero.
He's got comfy pants on.
sal, this guy is my hero.
He's got comfy pants on.
you don't remember me? He's got comfy pants on.
you don't remember me? I'm sal.
you don't remember me? I'm sal.
I totally know you.
I'm sal.
I totally know you.
I was at -- from henry's I totally know you.
I was at -- from henry's quinceañera.
I was at -- from henry's quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
Quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
henry's.
[ laughter .]
henry's.
traditionally, guys don't get henry's.
traditionally, guys don't get a quinceañera, but henry's the traditionally, guys don't get a quinceañera, but henry's the best.
A quinceañera, but henry's the best.
And he wanted one.
Best.
And he wanted one.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name And he wanted one.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name at that quinceañera.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name at that quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
At that quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
I mean, there was 16 year olds [ laughter .]
I mean, there was 16 year olds all over the place, and I gave I mean, there was 16 year olds all over the place, and I gave love a bad name, which doesn't All over the place, and I gave love a bad name, which doesn't sound right.
Love a bad name, which doesn't sound right.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican Sound right.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican now.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican now.
[ laughter .]
Now.
[ laughter .]
mexican? [ laughter .]
mexican? now I'm mexican.
mexican? now I'm mexican.
Nowadays.
now I'm mexican.
Nowadays.
I wasn't.
Nowadays.
I wasn't.
I converted.
I wasn't.
I converted.
he converted? I converted.
he converted? he converted to mexicanism.
he converted? he converted to mexicanism.
I don't know.
he converted to mexicanism.
I don't know.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera I don't know.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera was so fun.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera was so fun.
[ laughter .]
Was so fun.
[ laughter .]
I mexican now, mate.
[ laughter .]
I mexican now, mate.
now, that's not right.
I mexican now, mate.
now, that's not right.
[ laughter .]
now, that's not right.
[ laughter .]
nowadays -- nowadays, I'm [ laughter .]
nowadays -- nowadays, I'm mexican.
Nowadays -- nowadays, I'm mexican.
Okay, just go back to the Mexican.
Okay, just go back to the quinceañera.
Okay, just go back to the quinceañera.
Do you remember that? Quinceañera.
Do you remember that? no.
Do you remember that? no.
I'm telling you! no.
I'm telling you! Look, all I need you to do is I'm telling you! Look, all I need you to do is look me in the face and just Look, all I need you to do is look me in the face and just look at me and tell me you don't Look me in the face and just look at me and tell me you don't remember me from henry's Look at me and tell me you don't remember me from henry's quinceañera.
Remember me from henry's quinceañera.
¿sà o no? Quinceañera.
¿sà o no? yeah, okay.
¿sà o no? yeah, okay.
I remember you.
yeah, okay.
I remember you.
yes! Yes! I remember you.
yes! Yes! Thank you.
yes! Yes! Thank you.
All right, all right.
Thank you.
All right, all right.
he said yes.
You get it.
All right, all right.
he said yes.
You get it.
[ laughs .]
he said yes.
You get it.
[ laughs .]
you beat him into submission [ laughs .]
you beat him into submission like a piñata.
you beat him into submission like a piñata.
well, I am mexican now.
Like a piñata.
well, I am mexican now.
[ dings! .]
well, I am mexican now.
[ dings! .]
narrator: No one knew joe, [ dings! .]
narrator: No one knew joe, but joe knows it's punishment narrator: No one knew joe, but joe knows it's punishment time.
But joe knows it's punishment time.
joe is today's big loser.
Time.
joe is today's big loser.
which brings us here to the joe is today's big loser.
which brings us here to the lynn redgrave theatre on which brings us here to the lynn redgrave theatre on bleecker street, where we're Lynn redgrave theatre on bleecker street, where we're gonna fill this room with Bleecker street, where we're gonna fill this room with science enthusiasts and force Gonna fill this room with science enthusiasts and force you to pose as an expert.
Science enthusiasts and force you to pose as an expert.
the moderator is gonna ask You to pose as an expert.
the moderator is gonna ask you a bunch of questions.
the moderator is gonna ask you a bunch of questions.
You have to answer them to the You a bunch of questions.
You have to answer them to the worst of your abilities.
You have to answer them to the worst of your abilities.
we're so excited to see this, Worst of your abilities.
we're so excited to see this, we wanted the best seats in the we're so excited to see this, we wanted the best seats in the house.
We wanted the best seats in the house.
that's right.
House.
that's right.
We are gonna be on the panel that's right.
We are gonna be on the panel with you, buddy.
We are gonna be on the panel with you, buddy.
so, you're gonna be helping With you, buddy.
so, you're gonna be helping me out.
so, you're gonna be helping me out.
eh Me out.
eh I would not call it that.
eh I would not call it that.
thanks, everyone, for coming I would not call it that.
thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight.
thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight.
We're gonna be covering a lot of Out tonight.
We're gonna be covering a lot of big topics, so please help me in We're gonna be covering a lot of big topics, so please help me in welcoming our panel of experts.
Big topics, so please help me in welcoming our panel of experts.
[ applause .]
Welcoming our panel of experts.
[ applause .]
hello.
[ applause .]
hello.
first, we have brian quinn, hello.
first, we have brian quinn, who is the, uh, professor of first, we have brian quinn, who is the, uh, professor of robotics at the college of Who is the, uh, professor of robotics at the college of staten island.
Robotics at the college of staten island.
yes.
Staten island.
yes.
we have sal vulcano, who is yes.
we have sal vulcano, who is the operations specialist at we have sal vulcano, who is the operations specialist at nasa.
The operations specialist at nasa.
Dr.
James murray, head of Nasa.
Dr.
James murray, head of drone research at darpa.
Dr.
James murray, head of drone research at darpa.
And finally, joe gatto, Drone research at darpa.
And finally, joe gatto, associate director of And finally, joe gatto, associate director of quantum mechanics, Associate director of quantum mechanics, north american division.
Quantum mechanics, north american division.
north america.
North american division.
north america.
so, what were your reactions north america.
so, what were your reactions to the prism program? so, what were your reactions to the prism program? I would definitely defer To the prism program? I would definitely defer to -- I would definitely defer to -- yeah, absolutely.
To -- yeah, absolutely.
That definitely lands right in yeah, absolutely.
That definitely lands right in my wheelhouse.
That definitely lands right in my wheelhouse.
Um, the prism program? My wheelhouse.
Um, the prism program? You got to -- you got to think Um, the prism program? You got to -- you got to think about it from all angles.
You got to -- you got to think about it from all angles.
That's what prism means, right? About it from all angles.
That's what prism means, right? You got to That's what prism means, right? You got to The prism, you know, theory, You got to The prism, you know, theory, basically, really is saying, you The prism, you know, theory, basically, really is saying, you know, as a prism operates Basically, really is saying, you know, as a prism operates It's to come at the problem at Know, as a prism operates It's to come at the problem at different angles.
It's to come at the problem at different angles.
Uh, my -- I think it's best to Different angles.
Uh, my -- I think it's best to attack a problem at its source Uh, my -- I think it's best to attack a problem at its source and destroy it there.
Attack a problem at its source and destroy it there.
it's been a year and a half And destroy it there.
it's been a year and a half since the blackout against sopa it's been a year and a half since the blackout against sopa and pipa, and now with the Since the blackout against sopa and pipa, and now with the benefit of hindsight, why do you And pipa, and now with the benefit of hindsight, why do you think that blackout was Benefit of hindsight, why do you think that blackout was successful? Think that blackout was successful? joe? Successful? joe? oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
joe? oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
It happened.
oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
It happened.
Did we learn from it? It happened.
Did we learn from it? Maybe.
Did we learn from it? Maybe.
Should we? Maybe.
Should we? Absolutely.
Should we? Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple I'm sorry.
I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple robotics teacher from the I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple robotics teacher from the college of staten island.
Robotics teacher from the college of staten island.
I don't know if they're aware College of staten island.
I don't know if they're aware what the blackout even was.
I don't know if they're aware what the blackout even was.
What was the blackout? What the blackout even was.
What was the blackout? uh, the blackout? What was the blackout? uh, the blackout? Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you uh, the blackout? Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you know, the blackout is a, you Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you know, the blackout is a, you know Know, the blackout is a, you know We lost power.
Know We lost power.
so -- so you're taking his We lost power.
so -- so you're taking his question to mean? so -- so you're taking his question to mean? literally, yes.
Question to mean? literally, yes.
could I ask you a question? literally, yes.
could I ask you a question? I-I've, uh -- I've never had the could I ask you a question? I-I've, uh -- I've never had the privilege of being on a panel I-I've, uh -- I've never had the privilege of being on a panel with a quantum mechanics, uh Privilege of being on a panel with a quantum mechanics, uh expert.
With a quantum mechanics, uh expert.
expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
expert.
expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Uh, we all have heard of the expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Uh, we all have heard of the quantum mechanics of planck's Uh, we all have heard of the quantum mechanics of planck's constant, of course.
Quantum mechanics of planck's constant, of course.
of course.
Constant, of course.
of course.
uh, I've never quite of course.
uh, I've never quite understood it.
uh, I've never quite understood it.
Could you explain it in laymen's Understood it.
Could you explain it in laymen's terms? Could you explain it in laymen's terms? you know how, uh, the world Terms? you know how, uh, the world goes 'round? you know how, uh, the world goes 'round? Does that? Goes 'round? Does that? Yeah.
Does that? Yeah.
The planck constant doesn't.
Yeah.
The planck constant doesn't.
Just think of a-a plank.
The planck constant doesn't.
Just think of a-a plank.
[ chuckles .]
Just think of a-a plank.
[ chuckles .]
like, if a pirate ship was [ chuckles .]
like, if a pirate ship was so, the world is spinning on like, if a pirate ship was so, the world is spinning on a -- so, the world is spinning on a -- no, no.
A -- no, no.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, no, no.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, dr.
Robot.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, dr.
Robot.
[ laughter .]
Dr.
Robot.
[ laughter .]
what I'm saying is, if you give [ laughter .]
what I'm saying is, if you give me a chance to explain here, the What I'm saying is, if you give me a chance to explain here, the planck -- the planck constant Me a chance to explain here, the planck -- the planck constant just means that, you know, as Planck -- the planck constant just means that, you know, as the world spins, some things Just means that, you know, as the world spins, some things don't.
The world spins, some things don't.
[ laughter .]
Don't.
[ laughter .]
what are your thoughts on [ laughter .]
what are your thoughts on superposition? what are your thoughts on superposition? Everyone knows superposition, of Superposition? Everyone knows superposition, of course, in the Everyone knows superposition, of course, in the quantum mechanics' world.
Course, in the quantum mechanics' world.
What's your thoughts on that? Quantum mechanics' world.
What's your thoughts on that? I could take it or leave it.
What's your thoughts on that? I could take it or leave it.
[ chuckles .]
I could take it or leave it.
[ chuckles .]
I'm all good with it, for the [ chuckles .]
I'm all good with it, for the most part.
I'm all good with it, for the most part.
I mean, some people -- Most part.
I mean, some people -- you're all good? I mean, some people -- you're all good? [ chuckles .]
you're all good? [ chuckles .]
[ laughing .]
you're all good [ chuckles .]
[ laughing .]
you're all good with superposition? [ laughing .]
you're all good with superposition? can you speak to the part With superposition? can you speak to the part that you're not all good with? can you speak to the part that you're not all good with? [ laughs .]
That you're not all good with? [ laughs .]
well, I mean, the biggest [ laughs .]
well, I mean, the biggest thing is, uh, when to use it and well, I mean, the biggest thing is, uh, when to use it and when to not use it, right? Thing is, uh, when to use it and when to not use it, right? Should you use it in a computing When to not use it, right? Should you use it in a computing system that's going to guide Should you use it in a computing system that's going to guide missile attacks in System that's going to guide missile attacks in central america? Missile attacks in central america? Yes.
Central america? Yes.
Should you use it in a tablet? Yes.
Should you use it in a tablet? No.
You shouldn't use that in a tablet.
Tablet.
I don't need that in the app.
I don't need that in the app.
There's not an app for that, and There's not an app for that, and I'm fine with it, because I'm fine with it, because superposition isn't a power that Superposition isn't a power that should be yielded by a Should be yielded by a 10 year old named duncan who 10 year old named duncan who lives down in new jersey on his Lives down in new jersey on his ipod touch.
Ipod touch.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I want to thank our panel I want to thank our panel very much for coming out.
Very much for coming out.
yeah, I'm glad I did this.
yeah, I'm glad I did this.
This -- this was very enjoyable.
Joe getting slap happy? [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr go [ laughs .]
narrator: Will murr go belly-up? narrator: Will murr go belly-up? I didn't know she was Belly-up? I didn't know she was pregnant.
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
Pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
[ laughter .]
I thought she was just fat.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which one of [ laughter .]
narrator: And which one of the jokers will be put in the narrator: And which one of the jokers will be put in the hot seat for tonight's The jokers will be put in the hot seat for tonight's punishment? Hot seat for tonight's punishment? prepare for something Punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're teaming up at the ultra-hip beauty-supply store ricky's.
while working the sales floor, you have to do and say what the other guys tell you.
Floor, you have to do and say what the other guys tell you.
if you refuse to do or say What the other guys tell you.
if you refuse to do or say anything, your team loses.
if you refuse to do or say anything, your team loses.
I just can't do a thing with I just can't do a thing with it for the past 20 years.
[ laughter .]
all right.
but we don't have to say but we don't have to say anything.
Anything.
If we give it enough time, If we give it enough time, they're just gonna They're just gonna self-destruct.
Self-destruct.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
this is the most delicious this is the most delicious thing I've ever smelled in my life.
Thing I've ever smelled in my life.
let me see it.
Life.
let me see it.
[ laughter .]
let me see it.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
you guys are supposed to be wow.
you guys are supposed to be on the same team! you guys are supposed to be on the same team! now, murr, help people like On the same team! now, murr, help people like that.
now, murr, help people like that.
[ laughter .]
That.
[ laughter .]
did you find everything you [ laughter .]
did you find everything you need, sir? You find everything? No problems? Okay.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the same team.
You're supposed to be on the same team.
dude, I didn't know it was Same team.
dude, I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
dude, I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
I ran away.
Gonna be like that.
I ran away.
[ laughter .]
I ran away.
[ laughter .]
I didn't know it was gonna come [ laughter .]
I didn't know it was gonna come out like that.
I didn't know it was gonna come out like that.
that's your teammate.
Out like that.
that's your teammate.
Get back out there! that's your teammate.
Get back out there! I'm sorry, buddy.
Get back out there! I'm sorry, buddy.
I had no idea.
I'm sorry, buddy.
I had no idea.
idiot! I had no idea.
idiot! [ laughter .]
sal, berate murray in front of this guy.
this is our address though, Of this guy.
this is our address though, yeah.
this is our address though, yeah.
you got to check this deal to Yeah.
you got to check this deal to make sure -- where's -- where's you got to check this deal to make sure -- where's -- where's the order? Make sure -- where's -- where's the order? How long have you been working The order? How long have you been working here? How long have you been working here? two years.
Here? two years.
that you don't know how to two years.
that you don't know how to look at an invoice and just that you don't know how to look at an invoice and just check -- this happens every Look at an invoice and just check -- this happens every single day, someone like this Check -- this happens every single day, someone like this comes in.
Single day, someone like this comes in.
well, I was checking it.
Comes in.
well, I was checking it.
when I speak, don't talk back well, I was checking it.
when I speak, don't talk back to me, okay? when I speak, don't talk back to me, okay? [ laughter .]
To me, okay? [ laughter .]
this is a sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
this is a sock skin update.
It's the sock skin update.
this is a sock skin update.
It's the sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
It's the sock skin update.
[ laughter .]
he's a complete [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
he's a complete [bleep.]
idiot.
he's a complete [bleep.]
idiot.
[ sighs .]
Idiot.
[ sighs .]
it's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
[ sighs .]
it's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
"oh, oh.
He's right.
It's for you -- mr.
Parrot.
"oh, oh.
He's right.
This is for me.
" "oh, oh.
He's right.
This is for me.
" oh, he's right.
This is for me.
" oh, he's right.
That is for me.
oh, he's right.
That is for me.
I'm so sorry about that.
That is for me.
I'm so sorry about that.
Take a -- take a lunch.
I'm so sorry about that.
Take a -- take a lunch.
"take a lunch?!" Take a -- take a lunch.
"take a lunch?!" [ laughter .]
"take a lunch?!" [ laughter .]
how are you today, ma'am? [ laughter .]
how are you today, ma'am? murr, go, "oh, my god.
" how are you today, ma'am? murr, go, "oh, my god.
" oh, my god.
murr, go, "oh, my god.
" oh, my god.
"I must brush that hair.
" oh, my god.
"I must brush that hair.
" no.
I must brush that hair.
"I must brush that hair.
" no.
I must brush that hair.
why? no.
I must brush that hair.
why? because it looks so fun to why? because it looks so fun to brush.
because it looks so fun to brush.
[ laughs .]
Brush.
[ laughs .]
I'm just like, "what happened?" [ laughs .]
I'm just like, "what happened?" I'm sorry.
I'm just like, "what happened?" I'm sorry.
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
I'm sorry.
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
He's a bit of an ass[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
nobody told you to do that.
[ laughter .]
nobody told you to do that.
nobody told -- nobody told you to do that.
nobody told -- no, I know.
nobody told -- no, I know.
[ laughter .]
no, I know.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
okay, guys.
Hat at 12:00.
Go up and help.
Hat at 12:00.
Go up and help.
welcome to ricky's.
Go up and help.
welcome to ricky's.
Good one -- a really good one to Good one -- a really good one to smell.
q, remember when you told me to pull the girl's hat down in To pull the girl's hat down in the ski lodge? The ski lodge? yeah.
yeah.
look what's in front of you, buddy.
look what's in front of you, buddy.
[ laughs .]
touché! Buddy.
[ laughs .]
touché! oh, you don't seem like [ laughs .]
touché! oh, you don't seem like you're up for this.
oh, you don't seem like you're up for this.
[ laughter .]
You're up for this.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
[ sighing .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
t-try this one.
[ laughter .]
t-try this one.
Just breathe in the -- just T-try this one.
Just breathe in the -- just breathe.
Just breathe in the -- just breathe.
there you go.
Breathe.
there you go.
just the scent.
there you go.
just the scent.
You got to let -- just the just the scent.
You got to let -- just the scent.
You got to let -- just the scent.
wow.
Scent.
wow.
[ laughter .]
wow.
[ laughter .]
joe, smack this guy's ass at [ laughter .]
joe, smack this guy's ass at the counter.
joe, smack this guy's ass at the counter.
[ laughs .]
The counter.
[ laughs .]
hey, man.
How's it going? [ laughs .]
hey, man.
How's it going? Let me know if you need some hey, man.
How's it going? Let me know if you need some help.
Let me know if you need some help.
[ laughter .]
Help.
[ laughter .]
keep doing it.
[ laughter .]
keep doing it.
Keep doing it.
keep doing it.
Keep doing it.
joe, do it again.
Keep doing it.
joe, do it again.
it's my friend.
joe, do it again.
it's my friend.
He's an aussie.
it's my friend.
He's an aussie.
q, get in on this action.
He's an aussie.
q, get in on this action.
q, move in for the left q, get in on this action.
q, move in for the left cheek.
q, move in for the left cheek.
oh, you're from australia? yeah, it's how we say "hi" around here.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Around here.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Yeah, there we go.
Give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Yeah, there we go.
[ laughter .]
Yeah, there we go.
[ laughter .]
the down under, you know what [ laughter .]
the down under, you know what I'm saying? the down under, you know what I'm saying? [ laughter .]
I'm saying? [ laughter .]
hey.
[ laughter .]
hey.
You need help with anything? misses jessie's products.
in front of this woman, knock something over and pick it up in front of this woman, knock something over and pick it up really weird.
oh, no.
That's it.
Oh, I'm -- Oh, I'm -- sorry.
Sorry.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
all right, q.
all right, q.
You knock something over and You knock something over and you pick it up weird.
You pick it up weird.
oh oh [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
yeah, are they? yeah, are they? what was that? what was that? that was pretty weird, q.
that was pretty weird, q.
I think joe's got you beat.
I think joe's got you beat.
the weird ball is in your the weird ball is in your court.
Court.
Oh.
Oh.
oh, man.
No.
oh, man.
No.
try to out-weird q.
try to out-weird q.
let me get it for you.
let me get it for you.
no, I got it.
no, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
she is not even looking.
she is not even looking.
What is going on?! What is going on?! Does she not see? Does she not see? nothing phases her.
nothing phases her.
she didn't do -- she didn't she didn't do -- she didn't even look up.
Even look up.
unless I picked it up with my unless I picked it up with my ass[bleep.]
I don't know how we could have made it any weirder.
Ass[bleep.]
I don't know how we could have made it any weirder.
[ laughter .]
Could have made it any weirder.
[ laughter .]
hi.
You need help with anything? oh, manic panic? yeah.
guys, start nicknaming her yeah.
guys, start nicknaming her body parts.
guys, start nicknaming her body parts.
actually, I love that, 'cause Body parts.
actually, I love that, 'cause that brings out the color in actually, I love that, 'cause that brings out the color in your -- you know, your That brings out the color in your -- you know, your johnny cashes right there.
Your -- you know, your johnny cashes right there.
yeah.
Thank you.
Johnny cashes right there.
yeah.
Thank you.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Thank you.
[ chuckles .]
how long have you been [ chuckles .]
how long have you been wearing your quinoa salad like how long have you been wearing your quinoa salad like that? Wearing your quinoa salad like that? [ laughter .]
honestly, that really brings out your tickle me elmo.
Out your tickle me elmo.
I like what you've done with I like what you've done with your shaggy.
Your shaggy.
It really brings out your velma.
It really brings out your velma.
you -- your fred's ascot is you -- your fred's ascot is looking good, though.
Looking good, though.
that's a hell of an apple that's a hell of an apple cobbler.
q, "hey, by the way, you got a sweet ass.
" A sweet ass.
" [ chuckles .]
[ chuckles .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
say it! say it! no.
no.
say it or lose.
say it or lose.
goodbye.
All right.
We lose.
goodbye.
All right.
We lose.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I'm not saying she's -- ow! I'm not saying she's -- ow! fail, suckers! fail, suckers! narrator: Joe and q refuse, narrator: Joe and q refuse, so their sweet asses are on the loser board.
So their sweet asses are on the loser board.
all: Ihola! Loser board.
all: Ihola! we're in times square trying all: Ihola! we're in times square trying to get someone to help us read a we're in times square trying to get someone to help us read a text message that the other To get someone to help us read a text message that the other jokers have sent us.
Text message that the other jokers have sent us.
but there's just one Jokers have sent us.
but there's just one problema -- the message is in but there's just one problema -- the message is in spanish, which none of us speak.
so we have to find someone to help us translate this, no Help us translate this, no doubt, embarrassing message and Doubt, embarrassing message and help us craft a reply.
Help us craft a reply.
[ hispanic accent .]
and like [ hispanic accent .]
and like my godfather told me, if you can't get someone to help you My godfather told me, if you can't get someone to help you reply to the message, you lose.
Can't get someone to help you reply to the message, you lose.
[ laughter .]
all right.
Here comes your spanish text message, buddy.
Here comes your spanish text message, buddy.
[ cellphone beeps .]
Message, buddy.
[ cellphone beeps .]
remember, you got to get [ cellphone beeps .]
remember, you got to get somebody to help you write back remember, you got to get somebody to help you write back in spanish.
Somebody to help you write back in spanish.
excuse me.
In spanish.
excuse me.
Do you -- do you, um -- do you excuse me.
Do you -- do you, um -- do you read spanish at all? Do you -- do you, um -- do you read spanish at all? I got a text.
Read spanish at all? I got a text.
I don't know what it says.
I got a text.
I don't know what it says.
Weird, right? I don't know what it says.
Weird, right? Excuse me.
Weird, right? Excuse me.
Do you speak spanish? Excuse me.
Do you speak spanish? Could you -- I got a text.
Do you speak spanish? Could you -- I got a text.
I'm hoping maybe you can read it Could you -- I got a text.
I'm hoping maybe you can read it and help me out.
Right.
Drop whatever I'm doing.
yeah.
Drop whatever I'm doing.
yeah.
oh, don't have anybody come yeah.
oh, don't have anybody come within 10 feet of me? oh, don't have anybody come within 10 feet of me? [ laughter .]
Within 10 feet of me? [ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I don't know.
[ laughter .]
I don't know.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Okay, can you answer them back Oh, my god.
Okay, can you answer them back for me? Okay, can you answer them back for me? What is your name? For me? What is your name? Filomina.
What is your name? Filomina.
Could you -- could you write, "I Filomina.
Could you -- could you write, "I think I just infected filomina"? Could you -- could you write, "I think I just infected filomina"? [ laughter .]
Think I just infected filomina"? [ laughter .]
oh! She's got it! [ laughter .]
oh! She's got it! I really appreciate you oh! She's got it! I really appreciate you helping me.
I really appreciate you helping me.
[ laughter .]
Helping me.
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
oh, my god.
[ coughs .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ coughs .]
all right.
[ coughs .]
all right.
okay.
all right.
okay.
okay, well, thank you so okay.
okay, well, thank you so much.
okay, well, thank you so much.
so, let's just write back.
Much.
so, let's just write back.
write back, write back.
so, let's just write back.
write back, write back.
[ laughter .]
here.
Wait.
What's that -- what does that mean? What's that -- what does that mean? [ laughter .]
Mean? [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
"you are dead.
" [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
chances are I could translate chances are I could translate these on my own.
right, 'cause you're -- you're mexican.
You're mexican.
[ laughing .]
I'm not mexican.
[ laughing .]
I'm not mexican.
why are you averse to being why are you averse to being called mexican? Called mexican? I'm not adverse.
I'm not adverse.
I'm just not mexican, so it's a I'm just not mexican, so it's a misrepresentation.
Misrepresentation.
you've called "cool" before you've called "cool" before and "good-looking.
" And "good-looking.
" [ laughs .]
andSent.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
here we go.
Here we go.
do you speak spanish, by any chance? do you speak spanish, by any chance? yes.
Chance? yes.
I got a text in spanish.
yes.
I got a text in spanish.
Maybe you can read it.
I got a text in spanish.
Maybe you can read it.
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
full oh [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of full oh [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of [bleep.]
me or the movie is full of [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ laughter .]
maybe I can write, "well, [ laughter .]
maybe I can write, "well, what's --" Maybe I can write, "well, what's --" forget about her? Forget about her? How do you know it's a girl? oh, she thinks it's a girl 'cause he's nervous.
'cause he's nervous.
whoa, whoa, whoa.
whoa, whoa, whoa.
she's not gonna write it! she's not gonna write it! She's not gonna write it! She's not gonna write it! I-I-I would want to write I-I-I would want to write back, just in case, so Back, just in case, so [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
how do I write "what the How do I write "what the [bleep.]
" in spanish? [bleep.]
" in spanish? Can you tell me? Can you tell me? I don't know how to say it.
I don't know how to say it.
I'll write "what the [bleep.]
" I'll write "what the [bleep.]
" you got to -- You got to -- [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
dude! She's doing it! dude! She's doing it! okay.
okay.
okay.
That's it.
there it is.
okay.
That's it.
there it is.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
there it is.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I'll send that [bleep.]
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I'll send that [bleep.]
so, the conversation is, "I I'll send that [bleep.]
so, the conversation is, "I can't believe you like the movie so, the conversation is, "I can't believe you like the movie "cast away.
" Can't believe you like the movie "cast away.
" you're full of [bleep.]
" "cast away.
" you're full of [bleep.]
" "who the [bleep.]
are you?!" You're full of [bleep.]
" "who the [bleep.]
are you?!" [ laughter .]
"who the [bleep.]
are you?!" [ laughter .]
so, she texted back, so I [ laughter .]
so, she texted back, so I believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes so, she texted back, so I believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes to you.
Believe the "[bleep.]
you" goes to you.
yes.
That's right.
uh, amigos, what do you think of this one? Of this one? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
sir, do you speak spanish? I-I got a text message from a sir, do you speak spanish? I-I got a text message from a number I don't know.
I-I got a text message from a number I don't know.
And -- and it's in spanish.
Number I don't know.
And -- and it's in spanish.
I don't know what it means.
And -- and it's in spanish.
I don't know what it means.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
oh! Oh! Oh.
Oh! Oh! Oh.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
I didn't know she was pregnant.
I thought she was just fat.
In which case, I got no problems I thought she was just fat.
In which case, I got no problems with that.
In which case, I got no problems with that.
[ laughter .]
With that.
[ laughter .]
I'll throw eggs at fat people [ laughter .]
I'll throw eggs at fat people all day long.
I'll throw eggs at fat people all day long.
Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an All day long.
Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an animal, right? Pregnant ladies -- I'm not an animal, right? [ laughter .]
Animal, right? [ laughter .]
anyways, can you write this [ laughter .]
anyways, can you write this person back? Anyways, can you write this person back? "I thought she was just fat, Person back? "I thought she was just fat, in which case, my conscious is "I thought she was just fat, in which case, my conscious is clear.
" In which case, my conscious is clear.
" [ laughter .]
Clear.
" [ laughter .]
yo pensé [ laughter .]
yo pensé yo pensé yo pensé yo pensé [ laughs .]
yo pensé [ laughs .]
oh, he's helping him.
[ laughs .]
oh, he's helping him.
this guys is a gem of a man.
oh, he's helping him.
this guys is a gem of a man.
he's willing to help a this guys is a gem of a man.
he's willing to help a brother out in need.
he's willing to help a brother out in need.
I'll tell you that much.
Brother out in need.
I'll tell you that much.
[ laughter .]
I'll tell you that much.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
I need someone who speaks in spanish.
[ laughter .]
Spanish.
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
[ laughter .]
[ cellphone beeps .]
oh, man, do you speak spanish? [ cellphone beeps .]
oh, man, do you speak spanish? yeah.
Oh, man, do you speak spanish? yeah.
yeah, you do? yeah.
yeah, you do? Could you help me out? yeah, you do? Could you help me out? I got a text, and I, uh, don't Could you help me out? I got a text, and I, uh, don't know what it says, 'cause I I got a text, and I, uh, don't know what it says, 'cause I don't speak spanish.
Know what it says, 'cause I don't speak spanish.
let me see.
"cara de culo.
" what does that mean? What does that mean? de culo! de culo! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what is -- what is --? what is -- what is --? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
buttface? Buttface? Oh! Oh! So, named their daughter after So, named their daughter after me, and they call her assface.
Me, and they call her assface.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
that's crazy.
That's crazy.
Uh, I mean, I should say "thank Uh, I mean, I should say "thank you," so You," so wow.
wow.
come on! come on! "thank you for calling your "thank you for calling your daughter a cara de culo.
" Daughter a cara de culo.
" yep.
Yep.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
they call me "assface" out of They call me "assface" out of love.
Love.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: All the jokers did narrator: All the jokers did bueno, so no one ends up on el loser board-o.
Bueno, so no one ends up on el loser board-o.
today, we're at the mall El loser board-o.
today, we're at the mall going up to complete strangers today, we're at the mall going up to complete strangers and asking, "hey, don't I know Going up to complete strangers and asking, "hey, don't I know you?" And asking, "hey, don't I know you?" the other guys will be You?" the other guys will be providing the embarrassing the other guys will be providing the embarrassing details of how we know the Providing the embarrassing details of how we know the person on these cue cards.
the goal is to get one of these strangers to say that, These strangers to say that, hey, they know you.
Hey, they know you.
if you can't get someone to if you can't get someone to say they know you, you lose.
Say they know you, you lose.
let's do it! let's do it! oh! oh! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: It's joe and sal in narrator: It's joe and sal in a joker vs.
Joker challenge.
you guys ready?Challenge.
okay.
okay.
what to do here? what to do here? There's so many stores to shop There's so many stores to shop from.
From.
I'll just stand here and pretend I'll just stand here and pretend that I don't know where to go.
That I don't know where to go.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, hey -- hey.
oh, hey -- hey.
how you doing? uh, I know you.
how you doing? uh, I know you.
No, I think so.
uh, I know you.
No, I think so.
UhI think I -- yeah.
UhI think I -- yeah.
I met you at, uh -- where did I meet you? I met you at, uh -- where did I meet you? In the ocean.
Meet you? In the ocean.
[ laughter .]
In the ocean.
[ laughter .]
it was in the ocean.
[ laughter .]
it was in the ocean.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I It was in the ocean.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I was biting linda.
I was the guy that was, uh -- I was biting linda.
You've never been to the shore? Was biting linda.
You've never been to the shore? Linda got bit by the jellyfish, You've never been to the shore? Linda got bit by the jellyfish, so I was biting her like, "ah, Linda got bit by the jellyfish, so I was biting her like, "ah, I'm a jellyfish!" So I was biting her like, "ah, I'm a jellyfish!" you don't remember that? I'm a jellyfish!" you don't remember that? no.
You don't remember that? no.
no.
no.
no.
Nowadays, I'm mackin' biddies no.
Nowadays, I'm mackin' biddies on the bus.
biddies means "old people.
" you know, I've been doing you know, I've been doing some heavy mackin' on the bus.
Some heavy mackin' on the bus.
You sure you weren't in the You sure you weren't in the ocean? You don't know me? I don't.
I don't.
well, if you need me, I'll be well, if you need me, I'll be mackin' biddies on the x10.
[ laughter .]
Mackin' biddies on the x10.
[ laughter .]
the x10.
[ laughter .]
the x10.
I mack dem biddies.
the x10.
I mack dem biddies.
[ laughter .]
I mack dem biddies.
[ laughter .]
there is a vicki's secret in [ laughter .]
there is a vicki's secret in here.
There is a vicki's secret in here.
Where is that at? Here.
Where is that at? at the end by ann taylor.
Where is that at? at the end by ann taylor.
oh, on the -- on the left? at the end by ann taylor.
oh, on the -- on the left? Oh, I know you.
Yeah.
Wh-- you look so familiar.
Holy cow.
Wh-- you look so familiar.
Holy cow.
I-I know you -- oh, were you at I-I know you -- oh, were you at the circuit city closing party? You know, when they shut downy? Circuit city, they threw that Circuit city, they threw that big jamboree at the -- you Big jamboree at the -- you weren't there? Weren't there? No? No? You -- you wouldn't forget me.
You -- you wouldn't forget me.
I was the guy that was, uh, I was the guy that was, uh, forcing everything into a hole.
Forcing everything into a hole.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
everything was getting forced Everything was getting forced into the hole.
At circuit city closing party.
Because, you know, best buy took Because, you know, best buy took over and it sat.
Over and it sat.
Nowadays, I, uh -- I, uh -- I Nowadays, I, uh -- I, uh -- I fill boneyards with suckas.
Fill boneyards with suckas.
"fill boneyards with suckas.
" "fill boneyards with suckas.
" you sure you don't know me? you sure you don't know me? Circuit city closing party.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Circuit city closing party.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Damn it, circuit city.
No.
All right.
Wasn't you.
Damn it, circuit city.
I was taking it to the hole.
Damn it, circuit city.
I was taking it to the hole.
[ buzzer .]
I was taking it to the hole.
[ buzzer .]
oh, my god.
Dude.
It's sal.
oh, my god.
Dude.
It's sal.
I know you.
You work in the mall? You work in the mall? You do, right? You do, right? We met at a -- at, uh, the We met at a -- at, uh, the lesbian wedding.
No, no.
Lesbian wedding.
No, no.
I mean, you might not have No, no.
I mean, you might not have known.
I mean, you might not have known.
They didn't say anything to Known.
They didn't say anything to anybody.
They didn't say anything to anybody.
how do you not know it's a Anybody.
how do you not know it's a lesbian wedding if there's two how do you not know it's a lesbian wedding if there's two women getting married? Lesbian wedding if there's two women getting married? [ laughter .]
Women getting married? [ laughter .]
you know what? [ laughter .]
you know what? I was the guy protesting women's You know what? I was the guy protesting women's suffrage at it.
I was the guy protesting women's suffrage at it.
[ laughter .]
Suffrage at it.
[ laughter .]
at a lesbian wedding.
[ laughter .]
at a lesbian wedding.
I mean, women have suffered at a lesbian wedding.
I mean, women have suffered enough, and I protest that.
I mean, women have suffered enough, and I protest that.
that's not what women's Enough, and I protest that.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's Suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
that's not what women's suffrage is.
what is women's suffrage? Suffrage is.
what is women's suffrage? women's suffrage is the right what is women's suffrage? women's suffrage is the right to vote.
women's suffrage is the right to vote.
No, not women's suffering.
To vote.
No, not women's suffering.
I protest women's suffrage, No, not women's suffering.
I protest women's suffrage, because theyShould be able to I protest women's suffrage, because theyShould be able to vote? Because theyShould be able to vote? yeah.
Vote? yeah.
yes.
yeah.
yes.
And I don't know if I'm yes.
And I don't know if I'm protesting for or against, And I don't know if I'm protesting for or against, like -- what am I? Protesting for or against, like -- what am I? against.
Like -- what am I? against.
I was against women's against.
I was against women's suffrage.
I was against women's suffrage.
no, he's for -- Suffrage.
no, he's for -- [ laughter .]
no, he's for -- [ laughter .]
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm [ laughter .]
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm at the lesbian wedding.
I'm so confused, 'cause I'm at the lesbian wedding.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
At the lesbian wedding.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
I support women.
Listen, I'm a feminist.
I support women.
I support gay rights.
I support women.
I support gay rights.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a I support gay rights.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a swell guy.
So, I'm really -- I'm really a swell guy.
I mean, nowadays Swell guy.
I mean, nowadays Nowadays, I just watch state I mean, nowadays Nowadays, I just watch state executions.
Nowadays, I just watch state executions.
[ laughter .]
Executions.
[ laughter .]
I don't have a lot of cable [ laughter .]
I don't have a lot of cable channels.
Do you remember me at all? Are you sure? Sal vulcano? Are you sure? Sal vulcano? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
so, you don't know me? no.
So, you don't know me? no.
okay, I'm not kidding you.
no.
okay, I'm not kidding you.
His hand feels like a -- it's okay, I'm not kidding you.
His hand feels like a -- it's sopping, sopping wet.
His hand feels like a -- it's sopping, sopping wet.
okay, sal, if you don't want Sopping, sopping wet.
okay, sal, if you don't want the loss, lick your hand and okay, sal, if you don't want the loss, lick your hand and you win.
The loss, lick your hand and you win.
oh! You win.
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
give me the [bleep.]
loss for [ laughter .]
give me the [bleep.]
loss for this.
give me the [bleep.]
loss for this.
[ laughter .]
This.
[ laughter .]
I know you, dude.
[ laughter .]
I know you, dude.
sal, this guy is my hero.
I know you, dude.
sal, this guy is my hero.
He's got comfy pants on.
sal, this guy is my hero.
He's got comfy pants on.
you don't remember me? He's got comfy pants on.
you don't remember me? I'm sal.
you don't remember me? I'm sal.
I totally know you.
I'm sal.
I totally know you.
I was at -- from henry's I totally know you.
I was at -- from henry's quinceañera.
I was at -- from henry's quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
Quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
henry's.
[ laughter .]
henry's.
traditionally, guys don't get henry's.
traditionally, guys don't get a quinceañera, but henry's the traditionally, guys don't get a quinceañera, but henry's the best.
A quinceañera, but henry's the best.
And he wanted one.
Best.
And he wanted one.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name And he wanted one.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name at that quinceañera.
Uh, I gave, uh, love a bad name at that quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
At that quinceañera.
[ laughter .]
I mean, there was 16 year olds [ laughter .]
I mean, there was 16 year olds all over the place, and I gave I mean, there was 16 year olds all over the place, and I gave love a bad name, which doesn't All over the place, and I gave love a bad name, which doesn't sound right.
Love a bad name, which doesn't sound right.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican Sound right.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican now.
You know, nowadays, I'm mexican now.
[ laughter .]
Now.
[ laughter .]
mexican? [ laughter .]
mexican? now I'm mexican.
mexican? now I'm mexican.
Nowadays.
now I'm mexican.
Nowadays.
I wasn't.
Nowadays.
I wasn't.
I converted.
I wasn't.
I converted.
he converted? I converted.
he converted? he converted to mexicanism.
he converted? he converted to mexicanism.
I don't know.
he converted to mexicanism.
I don't know.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera I don't know.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera was so fun.
ay, ay, ay, the quinceañera was so fun.
[ laughter .]
Was so fun.
[ laughter .]
I mexican now, mate.
[ laughter .]
I mexican now, mate.
now, that's not right.
I mexican now, mate.
now, that's not right.
[ laughter .]
now, that's not right.
[ laughter .]
nowadays -- nowadays, I'm [ laughter .]
nowadays -- nowadays, I'm mexican.
Nowadays -- nowadays, I'm mexican.
Okay, just go back to the Mexican.
Okay, just go back to the quinceañera.
Okay, just go back to the quinceañera.
Do you remember that? Quinceañera.
Do you remember that? no.
Do you remember that? no.
I'm telling you! no.
I'm telling you! Look, all I need you to do is I'm telling you! Look, all I need you to do is look me in the face and just Look, all I need you to do is look me in the face and just look at me and tell me you don't Look me in the face and just look at me and tell me you don't remember me from henry's Look at me and tell me you don't remember me from henry's quinceañera.
Remember me from henry's quinceañera.
¿sà o no? Quinceañera.
¿sà o no? yeah, okay.
¿sà o no? yeah, okay.
I remember you.
yeah, okay.
I remember you.
yes! Yes! I remember you.
yes! Yes! Thank you.
yes! Yes! Thank you.
All right, all right.
Thank you.
All right, all right.
he said yes.
You get it.
All right, all right.
he said yes.
You get it.
[ laughs .]
he said yes.
You get it.
[ laughs .]
you beat him into submission [ laughs .]
you beat him into submission like a piñata.
you beat him into submission like a piñata.
well, I am mexican now.
Like a piñata.
well, I am mexican now.
[ dings! .]
well, I am mexican now.
[ dings! .]
narrator: No one knew joe, [ dings! .]
narrator: No one knew joe, but joe knows it's punishment narrator: No one knew joe, but joe knows it's punishment time.
But joe knows it's punishment time.
joe is today's big loser.
Time.
joe is today's big loser.
which brings us here to the joe is today's big loser.
which brings us here to the lynn redgrave theatre on which brings us here to the lynn redgrave theatre on bleecker street, where we're Lynn redgrave theatre on bleecker street, where we're gonna fill this room with Bleecker street, where we're gonna fill this room with science enthusiasts and force Gonna fill this room with science enthusiasts and force you to pose as an expert.
Science enthusiasts and force you to pose as an expert.
the moderator is gonna ask You to pose as an expert.
the moderator is gonna ask you a bunch of questions.
the moderator is gonna ask you a bunch of questions.
You have to answer them to the You a bunch of questions.
You have to answer them to the worst of your abilities.
You have to answer them to the worst of your abilities.
we're so excited to see this, Worst of your abilities.
we're so excited to see this, we wanted the best seats in the we're so excited to see this, we wanted the best seats in the house.
We wanted the best seats in the house.
that's right.
House.
that's right.
We are gonna be on the panel that's right.
We are gonna be on the panel with you, buddy.
We are gonna be on the panel with you, buddy.
so, you're gonna be helping With you, buddy.
so, you're gonna be helping me out.
so, you're gonna be helping me out.
eh Me out.
eh I would not call it that.
eh I would not call it that.
thanks, everyone, for coming I would not call it that.
thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight.
thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight.
We're gonna be covering a lot of Out tonight.
We're gonna be covering a lot of big topics, so please help me in We're gonna be covering a lot of big topics, so please help me in welcoming our panel of experts.
Big topics, so please help me in welcoming our panel of experts.
[ applause .]
Welcoming our panel of experts.
[ applause .]
hello.
[ applause .]
hello.
first, we have brian quinn, hello.
first, we have brian quinn, who is the, uh, professor of first, we have brian quinn, who is the, uh, professor of robotics at the college of Who is the, uh, professor of robotics at the college of staten island.
Robotics at the college of staten island.
yes.
Staten island.
yes.
we have sal vulcano, who is yes.
we have sal vulcano, who is the operations specialist at we have sal vulcano, who is the operations specialist at nasa.
The operations specialist at nasa.
Dr.
James murray, head of Nasa.
Dr.
James murray, head of drone research at darpa.
Dr.
James murray, head of drone research at darpa.
And finally, joe gatto, Drone research at darpa.
And finally, joe gatto, associate director of And finally, joe gatto, associate director of quantum mechanics, Associate director of quantum mechanics, north american division.
Quantum mechanics, north american division.
north america.
North american division.
north america.
so, what were your reactions north america.
so, what were your reactions to the prism program? so, what were your reactions to the prism program? I would definitely defer To the prism program? I would definitely defer to -- I would definitely defer to -- yeah, absolutely.
To -- yeah, absolutely.
That definitely lands right in yeah, absolutely.
That definitely lands right in my wheelhouse.
That definitely lands right in my wheelhouse.
Um, the prism program? My wheelhouse.
Um, the prism program? You got to -- you got to think Um, the prism program? You got to -- you got to think about it from all angles.
You got to -- you got to think about it from all angles.
That's what prism means, right? About it from all angles.
That's what prism means, right? You got to That's what prism means, right? You got to The prism, you know, theory, You got to The prism, you know, theory, basically, really is saying, you The prism, you know, theory, basically, really is saying, you know, as a prism operates Basically, really is saying, you know, as a prism operates It's to come at the problem at Know, as a prism operates It's to come at the problem at different angles.
It's to come at the problem at different angles.
Uh, my -- I think it's best to Different angles.
Uh, my -- I think it's best to attack a problem at its source Uh, my -- I think it's best to attack a problem at its source and destroy it there.
Attack a problem at its source and destroy it there.
it's been a year and a half And destroy it there.
it's been a year and a half since the blackout against sopa it's been a year and a half since the blackout against sopa and pipa, and now with the Since the blackout against sopa and pipa, and now with the benefit of hindsight, why do you And pipa, and now with the benefit of hindsight, why do you think that blackout was Benefit of hindsight, why do you think that blackout was successful? Think that blackout was successful? joe? Successful? joe? oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
joe? oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
It happened.
oh, uh, the blackout.
Yes.
It happened.
Did we learn from it? It happened.
Did we learn from it? Maybe.
Did we learn from it? Maybe.
Should we? Maybe.
Should we? Absolutely.
Should we? Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
Absolutely.
I'm sorry.
I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple I'm sorry.
I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple robotics teacher from the I-I'm just -- I'm just a simple robotics teacher from the college of staten island.
Robotics teacher from the college of staten island.
I don't know if they're aware College of staten island.
I don't know if they're aware what the blackout even was.
I don't know if they're aware what the blackout even was.
What was the blackout? What the blackout even was.
What was the blackout? uh, the blackout? What was the blackout? uh, the blackout? Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you uh, the blackout? Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you know, the blackout is a, you Uh, the blackout was, uh -- you know, the blackout is a, you know Know, the blackout is a, you know We lost power.
Know We lost power.
so -- so you're taking his We lost power.
so -- so you're taking his question to mean? so -- so you're taking his question to mean? literally, yes.
Question to mean? literally, yes.
could I ask you a question? literally, yes.
could I ask you a question? I-I've, uh -- I've never had the could I ask you a question? I-I've, uh -- I've never had the privilege of being on a panel I-I've, uh -- I've never had the privilege of being on a panel with a quantum mechanics, uh Privilege of being on a panel with a quantum mechanics, uh expert.
With a quantum mechanics, uh expert.
expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
expert.
expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Uh, we all have heard of the expert.
[ chuckles .]
yeah.
Uh, we all have heard of the quantum mechanics of planck's Uh, we all have heard of the quantum mechanics of planck's constant, of course.
Quantum mechanics of planck's constant, of course.
of course.
Constant, of course.
of course.
uh, I've never quite of course.
uh, I've never quite understood it.
uh, I've never quite understood it.
Could you explain it in laymen's Understood it.
Could you explain it in laymen's terms? Could you explain it in laymen's terms? you know how, uh, the world Terms? you know how, uh, the world goes 'round? you know how, uh, the world goes 'round? Does that? Goes 'round? Does that? Yeah.
Does that? Yeah.
The planck constant doesn't.
Yeah.
The planck constant doesn't.
Just think of a-a plank.
The planck constant doesn't.
Just think of a-a plank.
[ chuckles .]
Just think of a-a plank.
[ chuckles .]
like, if a pirate ship was [ chuckles .]
like, if a pirate ship was so, the world is spinning on like, if a pirate ship was so, the world is spinning on a -- so, the world is spinning on a -- no, no.
A -- no, no.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, no, no.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, dr.
Robot.
In laymen's terms, sorry, uh, dr.
Robot.
[ laughter .]
Dr.
Robot.
[ laughter .]
what I'm saying is, if you give [ laughter .]
what I'm saying is, if you give me a chance to explain here, the What I'm saying is, if you give me a chance to explain here, the planck -- the planck constant Me a chance to explain here, the planck -- the planck constant just means that, you know, as Planck -- the planck constant just means that, you know, as the world spins, some things Just means that, you know, as the world spins, some things don't.
The world spins, some things don't.
[ laughter .]
Don't.
[ laughter .]
what are your thoughts on [ laughter .]
what are your thoughts on superposition? what are your thoughts on superposition? Everyone knows superposition, of Superposition? Everyone knows superposition, of course, in the Everyone knows superposition, of course, in the quantum mechanics' world.
Course, in the quantum mechanics' world.
What's your thoughts on that? Quantum mechanics' world.
What's your thoughts on that? I could take it or leave it.
What's your thoughts on that? I could take it or leave it.
[ chuckles .]
I could take it or leave it.
[ chuckles .]
I'm all good with it, for the [ chuckles .]
I'm all good with it, for the most part.
I'm all good with it, for the most part.
I mean, some people -- Most part.
I mean, some people -- you're all good? I mean, some people -- you're all good? [ chuckles .]
you're all good? [ chuckles .]
[ laughing .]
you're all good [ chuckles .]
[ laughing .]
you're all good with superposition? [ laughing .]
you're all good with superposition? can you speak to the part With superposition? can you speak to the part that you're not all good with? can you speak to the part that you're not all good with? [ laughs .]
That you're not all good with? [ laughs .]
well, I mean, the biggest [ laughs .]
well, I mean, the biggest thing is, uh, when to use it and well, I mean, the biggest thing is, uh, when to use it and when to not use it, right? Thing is, uh, when to use it and when to not use it, right? Should you use it in a computing When to not use it, right? Should you use it in a computing system that's going to guide Should you use it in a computing system that's going to guide missile attacks in System that's going to guide missile attacks in central america? Missile attacks in central america? Yes.
Central america? Yes.
Should you use it in a tablet? Yes.
Should you use it in a tablet? No.
You shouldn't use that in a tablet.
Tablet.
I don't need that in the app.
I don't need that in the app.
There's not an app for that, and There's not an app for that, and I'm fine with it, because I'm fine with it, because superposition isn't a power that Superposition isn't a power that should be yielded by a Should be yielded by a 10 year old named duncan who 10 year old named duncan who lives down in new jersey on his Lives down in new jersey on his ipod touch.
Ipod touch.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
I want to thank our panel I want to thank our panel very much for coming out.
Very much for coming out.
yeah, I'm glad I did this.
yeah, I'm glad I did this.
This -- this was very enjoyable.