Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e31 Episode Script
Brother-in-Loss
narrator: Coming up, what's got murr so carried away? thank you so much, man.
Got murr so carried away? thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
narrator: Why is joe getting [ laughter .]
narrator: Why is joe getting cheeky? narrator: Why is joe getting cheeky? [ laughing .]
Cheeky? [ laughing .]
what the -- [ laughing .]
what the -- narrator: And which joker what the -- narrator: And which joker will live unhappily ever after narrator: And which joker will live unhappily ever after in tonight's monumental Will live unhappily ever after in tonight's monumental punishment? In tonight's monumental punishment? [ laughter .]
Punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're being interviewed for a job by unsuspecting employees at the Interviewed for a job by unsuspecting employees at the offices of appetizer mobile.
Unsuspecting employees at the offices of appetizer mobile.
but our résumés have been Offices of appetizer mobile.
but our résumés have been created by the other guys, and but our résumés have been created by the other guys, and they're gonna be telling us what Created by the other guys, and they're gonna be telling us what to do and say.
the goal is to get your ass the job.
if you can't get yourself The job.
if you can't get yourself hired, you lose.
you look like you should be giving the interview.
yes.
Giving the interview.
yes.
that's how sharp you look.
yes.
that's how sharp you look.
thank you, bud.
that's how sharp you look.
thank you, bud.
Thank you.
thank you, bud.
Thank you.
just unbuckleour belt, and Thank you.
just unbuckleour belt, and when he comes in, just be just unbuckleour belt, and when he comes in, just be buckling your belt.
When he comes in, just be buckling your belt.
are you serious? Buckling your belt.
are you serious? i'm serious.
are you serious? i'm serious.
this is [bleep.]
i'm serious.
this is [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
Oh, hey.
Hey, sorry about that.
I was just -- just doing a -- Hey, sorry about that.
I was just -- just doing a -- i was just doing a re-tuck.
I was just -- just doing a -- i was just doing a re-tuck.
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
I was just doing a re-tuck.
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
[ both laugh .]
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
[ both laugh .]
right off the bat.
[ both laugh .]
right off the bat.
uh, here you go.
right off the bat.
uh, here you go.
Would you like me to take you uh, here you go.
Would you like me to take you through? Would you like me to take you through? sure, yeah.
Through? sure, yeah.
Walk me.
sure, yeah.
Walk me.
i used to work at Walk me.
i used to work at manduke diagnostics.
i used to work at manduke diagnostics.
okay.
Manduke diagnostics.
okay.
i updated all their computers okay.
i updated all their computers for the y2k compliance.
i updated all their computers for the y2k compliance.
[ laughter .]
For the y2k compliance.
[ laughter .]
you know, y2k was primarily a [ laughter .]
you know, y2k was primarily a '99, 2000 thing.
you know, y2k was primarily a '99, 2000 thing.
What did you do after that? there was a lot of follow-up paperwork.
[ laughter .]
Paperwork.
[ laughter .]
read the second bullet point.
read the second bullet point.
you know, at google, i spent three weeks inside a job you know, at google, i spent three weeks inside a job simulator.
Three weeks inside a job simulator.
what exactly is a job Simulator.
what exactly is a job simulator.
what exactly is a job simulator.
good question.
Simulator.
good question.
it was a pod you climbed in, good question.
it was a pod you climbed in, and you did the job, but it it was a pod you climbed in, and you did the job, but it wasn't real.
And you did the job, but it wasn't real.
It was a simulation of the job.
Wasn't real.
It was a simulation of the job.
right.
It was a simulation of the job.
right.
i was in there for three right.
i was in there for three weeks.
i was in there for three weeks.
"i had to learn to walk again Weeks.
"i had to learn to walk again when i finally got out.
" "i had to learn to walk again when i finally got out.
" i had to learn to walk again.
When i finally got out.
" i had to learn to walk again.
[ laughter .]
what's kind of your ideal work environment.
i like it casual.
Work environment.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
I like that you guys are dressed i like it casual.
I like that you guys are dressed down.
I like that you guys are dressed down.
this is cas.
Down.
this is cas.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes this is cas.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes and socks off.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes and socks off.
maybe i'll just, uh -- And socks off.
maybe i'll just, uh -- i'll -- i'llKind of maybe i'll just, uh -- i'll -- i'llKind of I'll kind of get comfortable, I'll -- i'llKind of I'll kind of get comfortable, too.
I'll kind of get comfortable, too.
You know? Too.
You know? oh, god.
You know? oh, god.
great.
Now do what you always oh, god.
great.
Now do what you always do to us and put your feet up on great.
Now do what you always do to us and put your feet up on the table, you disgusting Do to us and put your feet up on the table, you disgusting ferret.
The table, you disgusting ferret.
[ sighs .]
Ferret.
[ sighs .]
hey, wait, wait! [ sighs .]
hey, wait, wait! Before you do it, say, "where do hey, wait, wait! Before you do it, say, "where do i see myself in five years?" Before you do it, say, "where do i see myself in five years?" where do i see myself in five I see myself in five years?" where do i see myself in five years? where do i see myself in five years? sure.
Years? sure.
"interviewing you for your sure.
"interviewing you for your job.
" "interviewing you for your job.
" interviewing you for the job Job.
" interviewing you for the job you lost to me.
interviewing you for the job you lost to me.
[ laughter .]
You lost to me.
[ laughter .]
so, do i got the job? you're out! [ buzzer .]
the way to start this [ buzzer .]
the way to start this interview, i want you to hide the way to start this interview, i want you to hide behind the door so when he comes Interview, i want you to hide behind the door so when he comes in, the room looks empty.
really? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
hey.
What's up, man? [ laughter .]
What's up, man? [ laughter .]
like to size up the interviewer Like to size up the interviewer before he gets to see me.
[ chuckles .]
Before he gets to see me.
[ chuckles .]
yeah, yeah.
[ chuckles .]
yeah, yeah.
This your résumé? yeah, yeah.
This your résumé? yeah.
So, um This your résumé? yeah.
So, um what's the first job on your yeah.
So, um what's the first job on your résumé? what's the first job on your résumé? there was a job i had in this Résumé? there was a job i had in this lab.
there was a job i had in this lab.
I was a certified scorpion Lab.
I was a certified scorpion trainer.
I was a certified scorpion trainer.
you're a certified scorpion Trainer.
you're a certified scorpion trainer.
yeah.
yeah, how did you get into yeah, how did you get into it? i was bit by a scorpion, and It? i was bit by a scorpion, and i said, "never again.
" i was bit by a scorpion, and i said, "never again.
" [ laughter .]
I said, "never again.
" [ laughter .]
so you surrounded yourself [ laughter .]
so you surrounded yourself with scorpions? so you surrounded yourself with scorpions? so then i learned about With scorpions? so then i learned about scorpions, and then i actually so then i learned about scorpions, and then i actually started training them, i got Scorpions, and then i actually started training them, i got them as pets, and Started training them, i got them as pets, and interesting.
Them as pets, and interesting.
it's almost like the flea interesting.
it's almost like the flea circuses.
it's almost like the flea circuses.
yeah, yeah.
Circuses.
yeah, yeah.
except with deadly venomous yeah, yeah.
except with deadly venomous scorpions.
except with deadly venomous scorpions.
[ laughter .]
Scorpions.
[ laughter .]
next, read it off, buddy.
[ laughter .]
next, read it off, buddy.
Read it off.
next, read it off, buddy.
Read it off.
[ both laugh .]
Read it off.
[ both laugh .]
you know, ace of base -- i'm [ both laugh .]
you know, ace of base -- i'm their tour manager.
you know, ace of base -- i'm their tour manager.
yeah, yeah.
Their tour manager.
yeah, yeah.
i cooked the -- i cooked the yeah, yeah.
i cooked the -- i cooked the books for those guys.
i cooked the -- i cooked the books for those guys.
[ laughter .]
Books for those guys.
[ laughter .]
and then from 1998 to 2008, i [ laughter .]
and then from 1998 to 2008, i was the tour manager for the And then from 1998 to 2008, i was the tour manager for the black eyed peas.
Was the tour manager for the black eyed peas.
no way.
Black eyed peas.
no way.
yeah.
no way.
yeah.
And i was assistant to fergie, yeah.
And i was assistant to fergie, will.
I.
Am, the asian and the And i was assistant to fergie, will.
I.
Am, the asian and the fourth one.
Will.
I.
Am, the asian and the fourth one.
the other two guys.
Fourth one.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
and then i was responsible the other two guys.
and then i was responsible for getting it started with and then i was responsible for getting it started with them.
For getting it started with them.
[ both laugh .]
Them.
[ both laugh .]
as, like, a position for what [ both laugh .]
as, like, a position for what you're interviewing, you kind of as, like, a position for what you're interviewing, you kind of just got to be available a lot.
You're interviewing, you kind of just got to be available a lot.
shake your head "no" as you Just got to be available a lot.
shake your head "no" as you answer affirmatively.
shake your head "no" as you answer affirmatively.
i can be available all the Answer affirmatively.
i can be available all the time.
i can be available all the time.
[ laughter .]
Time.
[ laughter .]
how confident are you with [ laughter .]
how confident are you with being able to kind of get how confident are you with being able to kind of get yourself up to speed on this Being able to kind of get yourself up to speed on this software that we primarily use? Yourself up to speed on this software that we primarily use? uh, 100% i could do the job.
Software that we primarily use? uh, 100% i could do the job.
yeah.
uh, 100% i could do the job.
yeah.
Okay.
yeah.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
so, do i have the job? [ laughter .]
so, do i have the job? yeah, it was a pleasure.
so, do i have the job? yeah, it was a pleasure.
thank you.
yeah, it was a pleasure.
thank you.
So, do i have the job? thank you.
So, do i have the job? [ chuckles .]
So, do i have the job? [ chuckles .]
i can't actually [ chuckles .]
i can't actually [ laughter .]
I can't actually [ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ buzzer .]
first off, thank you for coming in.
q, keep smiling really Coming in.
q, keep smiling really cheesy.
q, keep smiling really cheesy.
[ laughter .]
Cheesy.
[ laughter .]
so, i can tell you more about [ laughter .]
so, i can tell you more about the position a little bit, so, i can tell you more about the position a little bit, but The position a little bit, but This is the new space.
This is the new space.
i never see q smile like that.
i never see q smile like that.
and the position you're That.
and the position you're looking for is? and the position you're looking for is? so, it's an office Looking for is? so, it's an office administrator to basically take so, it's an office administrator to basically take over running this office and the Administrator to basically take over running this office and the office next door.
Over running this office and the office next door.
[ laughter .]
Office next door.
[ laughter .]
looks like a psychopath.
[ laughter .]
looks like a psychopath.
you'd be wearing a lot of looks like a psychopath.
you'd be wearing a lot of different hats.
you'd be wearing a lot of different hats.
oh, i like hats.
Different hats.
oh, i like hats.
[ laughter .]
oh, i like hats.
[ laughter .]
what's, like, the skills that [ laughter .]
what's, like, the skills that you feel that you can bring as what's, like, the skills that you feel that you can bring as an office admin? You feel that you can bring as an office admin? all right, read the skills An office admin? all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
my key skills -- records Off of your résumé.
my key skills -- records management.
my key skills -- records management.
yeah.
Management.
yeah.
and i like to party too much.
yeah.
and i like to party too much.
oh, yeah? and i like to party too much.
oh, yeah? tap your nose.
oh, yeah? tap your nose.
uh tap your nose.
uh okay.
uh okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
have you had project-management [ laughter .]
have you had project-management experience in the past? Have you had project-management experience in the past? i worked at happy times Experience in the past? i worked at happy times funeral home.
i worked at happy times funeral home.
haven't heard of it.
Funeral home.
haven't heard of it.
we try and take the grieving haven't heard of it.
we try and take the grieving process and make it, like, a we try and take the grieving process and make it, like, a little bit more fun.
Process and make it, like, a little bit more fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" Little bit more fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" i'm all about fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" i'm all about fun.
"i like to party.
" i'm all about fun.
"i like to party.
" i like to -- i like to party, "i like to party.
" i like to -- i like to party, you know? i like to -- i like to party, you know? yeah.
You know? yeah.
tap your nose.
yeah.
tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
reach across the table and oh, man.
reach across the table and take a drink from his drink.
reach across the table and take a drink from his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
Take a drink from his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
take a sip of his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
take a sip of his drink.
Take a sip of his drink.
take a sip of his drink.
Take a sip of his drink.
you know.
Take a sip of his drink.
you know.
yeah.
you know.
yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
finish it.
[ laughs .]
finish it.
[ laughter .]
"i have to tell you" i do have to tell you yeah.
i do have to tell you yeah.
"I call out sick a lot.
" yeah.
"I call out sick a lot.
" I do call out sick a lot.
"I call out sick a lot.
" I do call out sick a lot.
and tap your nose.
I do call out sick a lot.
and tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
and tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter continues .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter continues .]
so, do you have any questions [ laughter continues .]
so, do you have any questions for me? so, do you have any questions for me? "do i got the job?" For me? "do i got the job?" "do i have the job?" "do i got the job?" "do i have the job?" so, do i have the job? "do i have the job?" so, do i have the job? i think you do.
so, do i have the job? i think you do.
i do?! i think you do.
i do?! [ laughter .]
i do?! [ laughter .]
all right! [ laughter .]
all right! That's what i'm talking about! All right! That's what i'm talking about! I am very excited to work with That's what i'm talking about! I am very excited to work with you! [ ding! .]
that is crazy! joe, you look good, man.
that is crazy! joe, you look good, man.
You look sharp.
joe, you look good, man.
You look sharp.
trying something new today.
You look sharp.
trying something new today.
we put joe's outfit together.
trying something new today.
we put joe's outfit together.
[ laughter .]
we put joe's outfit together.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
oh, hey, man.
here we go.
oh, hey, man.
Joe.
How are you? oh, hey, man.
Joe.
How are you? i'm sange.
Joe.
How are you? i'm sange.
sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
i'm sange.
sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
all right, read the skills sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my Off of your résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my résumé.
oh, great.
Résumé.
oh, great.
cool.
oh, great.
cool.
so, let's see here.
cool.
so, let's see here.
so, i do have so, let's see here.
so, i do have office-management experience.
so, i do have office-management experience.
I'm good at multitasking.
Office-management experience.
I'm good at multitasking.
Julian accounts called me the I'm good at multitasking.
Julian accounts called me the best employee.
Julian accounts called me the best employee.
It was like an office award.
Best employee.
It was like an office award.
okay, joe.
It was like an office award.
okay, joe.
both: Take off the jacket.
okay, joe.
both: Take off the jacket.
um both: Take off the jacket.
um ah! um ah! it was, like, uh -- it was, ah! it was, like, uh -- it was, like, a big deal with, uh it was, like, uh -- it was, like, a big deal with, uh [ laughter .]
Like, a big deal with, uh [ laughter .]
okay.
So, uh [ laughter .]
okay.
So, uh [ laughter continues .]
Okay.
So, uh [ laughter continues .]
when i was the secretary there, [ laughter continues .]
when i was the secretary there, i got voted the best employee, When i was the secretary there, i got voted the best employee, which was a big thing.
I got voted the best employee, which was a big thing.
yeah.
Which was a big thing.
yeah.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? yeah.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? no.
I apologize.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? no.
I apologize.
[ laughter .]
no.
I apologize.
[ laughter .]
i actually -- [ laughter .]
i actually -- i run 5k's.
I actually -- i run 5k's.
Do you run? I run 5k's.
Do you run? i do run, yeah.
Do you run? i do run, yeah.
yes.
i do run, yeah.
yes.
My nipples -- so i had a yes.
My nipples -- so i had a sensitive -- so i just cut them My nipples -- so i had a sensitive -- so i just cut them out.
Sensitive -- so i just cut them out.
yeah.
Out.
yeah.
when i run the 5k, i just got yeah.
when i run the 5k, i just got these sensitive nipples, you when i run the 5k, i just got these sensitive nipples, you know? These sensitive nipples, you know? all right, cool.
Know? all right, cool.
[ laughs .]
all right, cool.
[ laughs .]
now they're living in this [ laughs .]
now they're living in this reality.
now they're living in this reality.
look at his face! Reality.
look at his face! yeah, i was just wondering, look at his face! yeah, i was just wondering, do you -- like, if, uh yeah, i was just wondering, do you -- like, if, uh You know, when -- when you're in Do you -- like, if, uh You know, when -- when you're in the -- You know, when -- when you're in the -- like, in your previous jobs, The -- like, in your previous jobs, were you able to wear a shirt Like, in your previous jobs, were you able to wear a shirt like that? Were you able to wear a shirt like that? the other places were casual.
Like that? the other places were casual.
it was that casual? the other places were casual.
it was that casual? and they said it's casual it was that casual? and they said it's casual here, too, right? and they said it's casual here, too, right? yeah, it is casual, yeah.
Here, too, right? yeah, it is casual, yeah.
i saw guys with shorts and yeah, it is casual, yeah.
i saw guys with shorts and stuff.
i saw guys with shorts and stuff.
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
Stuff.
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
[ laughter .]
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
[ laughter .]
joe, just scratch one of your [ laughter .]
joe, just scratch one of your nipples just a little bit.
joe, just scratch one of your nipples just a little bit.
so, would you say there's Nipples just a little bit.
so, would you say there's opportunity to grow with this so, would you say there's opportunity to grow with this company? Opportunity to grow with this company? [ laughter .]
Company? [ laughter .]
i like to see problems and nip [ laughter .]
i like to see problems and nip them in the bud.
I like to see problems and nip them in the bud.
[ both laugh .]
Them in the bud.
[ both laugh .]
i'm not originally from this [ both laugh .]
i'm not originally from this areola.
I'm not originally from this areola.
[ laughter .]
Areola.
[ laughter .]
areola! [ laughter .]
areola! yeah, you know, i like to areola! yeah, you know, i like to milk the most out of every yeah, you know, i like to milk the most out of every opportunity.
Milk the most out of every opportunity.
[ laughter .]
Opportunity.
[ laughter .]
so, did i get the job? [ laughter .]
so, did i get the job? well, i'll have to discuss So, did i get the job? well, i'll have to discuss with george.
well, i'll have to discuss with george.
[ laughter .]
With george.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
But thanks for your [ laughter .]
yeah.
But thanks for your time, man.
yeah.
But thanks for your time, man.
I appreciate it.
Time, man.
I appreciate it.
[ laughter .]
ha ha! What the [bleep.]
[ buzzer .]
What the [bleep.]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr, joe, and sal [ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr, joe, and sal didn't get the gig, so they're narrator: Murr, joe, and sal didn't get the gig, so they're on the loser board.
Didn't get the gig, so they're on the loser board.
we're at the On the loser board.
we're at the staten island ferry, striking up we're at the staten island ferry, striking up conversations with strangers.
Staten island ferry, striking up conversations with strangers.
and while we're chatting Conversations with strangers.
and while we're chatting people up, the other guys will and while we're chatting people up, the other guys will be in the background, performing People up, the other guys will be in the background, performing ridiculous actions that we have Be in the background, performing ridiculous actions that we have to mimic.
the goal is to incorporate as many of these actions into our conversations as we can.
Many of these actions into our conversations as we can.
the guy who does the least Conversations as we can.
the guy who does the least amount of actions loses.
Here we go.
excuse me, bud.
How do i get to central park excuse me, bud.
How do i get to central park from here? How do i get to central park from here? I just came over on the ferry, From here? I just came over on the ferry, and i'm not sure the right way I just came over on the ferry, and i'm not sure the right way to go.
And i'm not sure the right way to go.
for some reason, i'm drawing To go.
for some reason, i'm drawing a blank.
for some reason, i'm drawing a blank.
I don't remember where A blank.
I don't remember where central park is.
I don't remember where central park is.
the north part of the park i Central park is.
the north part of the park i don't want to go near, 'cause the north part of the park i don't want to go near, 'cause that's -- there's a lot of Don't want to go near, 'cause that's -- there's a lot of violence there.
That's -- there's a lot of violence there.
A lot of people, you know -- Violence there.
A lot of people, you know -- just crazy.
A lot of people, you know -- just crazy.
Crazy things happen there.
Just crazy.
Crazy things happen there.
[ both laugh .]
Crazy things happen there.
[ both laugh .]
gonna go two stops uptown to [ both laugh .]
gonna go two stops uptown to fulton street.
gonna go two stops uptown to fulton street.
is it safe, or am i gonna Fulton street.
is it safe, or am i gonna have to, you know, like, uh is it safe, or am i gonna have to, you know, like, uh No? I'll be okay? Have to, you know, like, uh No? I'll be okay? I won't have to defend myself? No? I'll be okay? I won't have to defend myself? now he's walking away.
I won't have to defend myself? now he's walking away.
'cause someone comes at me, now he's walking away.
'cause someone comes at me, chk, pkk! 'cause someone comes at me, chk, pkk! Loaded fingers.
Chk, pkk! Loaded fingers.
You got it.
Loaded fingers.
You got it.
[ laughter .]
You got it.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, bud.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, bud.
Can i catch a taxi or anything Excuse me, bud.
Can i catch a taxi or anything around here? Can i catch a taxi or anything around here? uh, put your hands out.
Around here? uh, put your hands out.
I don't know.
uh, put your hands out.
I don't know.
do you have to call for them? I don't know.
do you have to call for them? [ laughter .]
do you have to call for them? [ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
I got to tell you oh, man.
I got to tell you I hurt my leg.
I got to tell you I hurt my leg.
C-can I hurt my leg.
C-can Can you, uh, give me a quick C-can Can you, uh, give me a quick lift just to the Can you, uh, give me a quick lift just to the i don't know, man.
Lift just to the i don't know, man.
i'm light.
i don't know, man.
i'm light.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
i'm light.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
Probably 150.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
Probably 150.
Do you mind if i? Probably 150.
Do you mind if i? this guy's gonna let him do Do you mind if i? this guy's gonna let him do it? this guy's gonna let him do it? talk about carrying? It? talk about carrying? no, just -- talk about carrying? no, just -- i'm real light, but no, just -- i'm real light, but Is that okay? I'm real light, but Is that okay? All right, thank you so much, Is that okay? All right, thank you so much, man.
All right, thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
Man.
[ laughter .]
you are a gentleman.
[ laughter .]
you are a gentleman.
Thank you.
You are a gentleman.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Do you know anything about the excuse me.
Do you know anything about the staten island ferry? Do you know anything about the staten island ferry? yes.
Staten island ferry? yes.
is it just to staten island? yes.
is it just to staten island? Does this one go to the is it just to staten island? Does this one go to the statue of liberty and stuff like Does this one go to the statue of liberty and stuff like that? Statue of liberty and stuff like that? no.
That? no.
oh, okay.
no.
oh, okay.
You know about this huge oh, okay.
You know about this huge celebration on ellis island? You know about this huge celebration on ellis island? yes.
That's where you trying Celebration on ellis island? yes.
That's where you trying to get to? yes.
That's where you trying to get to? yes! The one that's like To get to? yes! The one that's like [ laughter .]
yes! The one that's like [ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Do you know where i can get the Excuse me.
Do you know where i can get the "z" train? Do you know where i can get the "z" train? z? "z" train? z? yeah.
Is there a "z"? z? yeah.
Is there a "z"? there is a "z.
" uh the toss-away is rough.
it's the toss-away that makes the toss-away is rough.
it's the toss-away that makes it almost impossible.
it's the toss-away that makes it almost impossible.
i hope i'm not holding you It almost impossible.
i hope i'm not holding you up.
I'm so sorry.
i hope i'm not holding you up.
I'm so sorry.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
Up.
I'm so sorry.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
and then this guy here.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
and then this guy here.
he's got it! and then this guy here.
he's got it! wow! he's got it! wow! thank you very much.
wow! thank you very much.
ohh! thank you very much.
ohh! and the flick at the end.
ohh! and the flick at the end.
yeah, he got it.
and the flick at the end.
yeah, he got it.
excuse me, bud.
yeah, he got it.
excuse me, bud.
Did you guys just come from this excuse me, bud.
Did you guys just come from this ferry? Did you guys just come from this ferry? yes.
Ferry? yes.
[ laughing .]
yes.
[ laughing .]
uh, let me just -- let me [ laughing .]
uh, let me just -- let me just -- uh, let me just -- let me just -- can i just hump your leg? Just -- can i just hump your leg? All right, all right.
Can i just hump your leg? All right, all right.
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
All right, all right.
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
[ laughter .]
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
excuse me.
[ ding! .]
excuse me.
Do you know where i can get to excuse me.
Do you know where i can get to the nearest candy shop if i Do you know where i can get to the nearest candy shop if i wanted some candy? The nearest candy shop if i wanted some candy? yeah, lower east side.
Wanted some candy? yeah, lower east side.
[ both laugh .]
yeah, lower east side.
[ both laugh .]
lower east side, all right.
[ both laugh .]
lower east side, all right.
All right, give me your [bleep.]
lower east side, all right.
All right, give me your [bleep.]
give me your [bleep.]
All right, give me your [bleep.]
give me your [bleep.]
let me have that [bleep.]
Give me your [bleep.]
let me have that [bleep.]
come on.
Okay.
All right.
Let me have that [bleep.]
come on.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I tried.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I tried.
did you say, "give me that All right.
I tried.
did you say, "give me that [bleep.]
" did you say, "give me that [bleep.]
" i had to justify it.
[bleep.]
" i had to justify it.
oh, my god! i had to justify it.
oh, my god! excuse me, guys.
oh, my god! excuse me, guys.
Do you know how i could possibly excuse me, guys.
Do you know how i could possibly get to times square from here? Do you know how i could possibly get to times square from here? You guys familiar with the area Get to times square from here? You guys familiar with the area at all? You guys familiar with the area at all? you could get a subway.
At all? you could get a subway.
a subway.
you could get a subway.
a subway.
And that's -- that's -- a subway.
And that's -- that's -- 'cause i want to get up there.
And that's -- that's -- 'cause i want to get up there.
You know, i want to see some of 'cause i want to get up there.
You know, i want to see some of that You know, i want to see some of that You know what i mean? That You know what i mean? Some of them girls up there they You know what i mean? Some of them girls up there they still got.
Some of them girls up there they still got.
You know what i mean? Still got.
You know what i mean? yeah, subway.
You know what i mean? yeah, subway.
subway.
yeah, subway.
subway.
So if i want to get up there and subway.
So if i want to get up there and really, like So if i want to get up there and really, like Yeah, take one of these and Really, like Yeah, take one of these and just Yeah, take one of these and just what?! Just what?! like, the subway? what?! like, the subway? They won't throw me off of that? like, the subway? They won't throw me off of that? All right, have you guys ever They won't throw me off of that? All right, have you guys ever been up there lately? All right, have you guys ever been up there lately? Have you guys? Been up there lately? Have you guys? Okay.
All right.
Have you guys? Okay.
All right.
[ laughter .]
your turn consisted of you wanted to go uptown to find a woman to strangle, and from the Wanted to go uptown to find a woman to strangle, and from the excitement of it, you collapsed.
Woman to strangle, and from the excitement of it, you collapsed.
[ laughter .]
Excitement of it, you collapsed.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me.
Miss? If i wanted to get to Excuse me.
Miss? If i wanted to get to times square, would you know If i wanted to get to times square, would you know the Times square, would you know the um um Just take a number 1 -- it doesn't even matter.
Just take a number 1 -- it doesn't even matter.
I'm just gonna take the loss on it doesn't even matter.
I'm just gonna take the loss on this.
I'm just gonna take the loss on this.
'cause what happened is murray This.
'cause what happened is murray dropped his pants, and you look 'cause what happened is murray dropped his pants, and you look like a lovely lady, so i'm not Dropped his pants, and you look like a lovely lady, so i'm not gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my Like a lovely lady, so i'm not gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my pants.
Gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my pants.
see that guy right there with Pants.
see that guy right there with no pants on right there? see that guy right there with no pants on right there? yeah.
No pants on right there? yeah.
he wants me to do that to yeah.
he wants me to do that to you.
he wants me to do that to you.
I can't do that.
You.
I can't do that.
you can't call out the show.
I can't do that.
you can't call out the show.
you seem like a very nice you can't call out the show.
you seem like a very nice lady.
you seem like a very nice lady.
Thank you, thank you.
Lady.
Thank you, thank you.
[ ding! .]
Thank you, thank you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hey, bud, you know the [ laughter .]
hey, bud, you know the governor's island ferry, where hey, bud, you know the governor's island ferry, where that's at? Governor's island ferry, where that's at? yeah.
That's at? yeah.
here we go.
He's in.
[ laughing .]
i want to -- it reminds me of mardi gras, i want to -- it reminds me of mardi gras, 'cause i went to the It reminds me of mardi gras, 'cause i went to the governor's island ferry once, 'cause i went to the governor's island ferry once, and they had a big party, and it Governor's island ferry once, and they had a big party, and it was a lot of fun.
And they had a big party, and it was a lot of fun.
The girls were getting the Was a lot of fun.
The girls were getting the beads.
The girls were getting the beads.
Yeah, it was great.
Beads.
Yeah, it was great.
But the staten island ferry, Yeah, it was great.
But the staten island ferry, they don't connect.
But the staten island ferry, they don't connect.
no, not at all.
They don't connect.
no, not at all.
yeah.
no, not at all.
yeah.
Hold on one second.
yeah.
Hold on one second.
I got to take this.
Hold on one second.
I got to take this.
Yeah.
I got to take this.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Sorry, bud.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Sorry, bud.
[ laughter .]
Sorry, bud.
[ laughter .]
this girl in the hat.
[ laughter .]
this girl in the hat.
you know where the this girl in the hat.
you know where the governors island ferry is? you know where the governors island ferry is? the ferry? Governors island ferry is? the ferry? to governors island.
the ferry? to governors island.
is this beyoncé? to governors island.
is this beyoncé? going to governors island.
is this beyoncé? going to governors island.
There's a big dance-off this going to governors island.
There's a big dance-off this weekend.
There's a big dance-off this weekend.
I'm really psyched about it.
Weekend.
I'm really psyched about it.
oh.
I'm really psyched about it.
oh.
yeah, there's a big dance-off oh.
yeah, there's a big dance-off this week that they're doing.
yeah, there's a big dance-off this week that they're doing.
They do it every year at This week that they're doing.
They do it every year at governors island.
They do it every year at governors island.
You should go check it out.
Governors island.
You should go check it out.
It's really good.
You should go check it out.
It's really good.
It's the place to be.
It's really good.
It's the place to be.
[ laughter .]
It's the place to be.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
Well, enjoy yourself.
Oh, boy.
Well, enjoy yourself.
The place to be.
Well, enjoy yourself.
The place to be.
Day's over, guys.
The place to be.
Day's over, guys.
[ laughter .]
Day's over, guys.
[ laughter .]
boys, i have to admit that i am [ laughter .]
boys, i have to admit that i am impressed.
Boys, i have to admit that i am impressed.
It took you four to point to the Impressed.
It took you four to point to the [bleep.]
It took you four to point to the [bleep.]
i'm very impressed.
[bleep.]
i'm very impressed.
[ ding! .]
I'm very impressed.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: The limitations on [ laughter .]
narrator: The limitations on sal's imitations make him narrator: The limitations on sal's imitations make him tonight's big loser.
Sal's imitations make him tonight's big loser.
sal's our big loser.
Tonight's big loser.
sal's our big loser.
yes! sal's our big loser.
yes! yeah, this is normally the yes! yeah, this is normally the part where we tell you what your yeah, this is normally the part where we tell you what your punishment is.
Part where we tell you what your punishment is.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a Punishment is.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a little different.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a little different.
yeah, we're gonna be a little Little different.
yeah, we're gonna be a little unusual.
yeah, we're gonna be a little unusual.
so wait right here, bud.
Unusual.
so wait right here, bud.
Just gonna so wait right here, bud.
Just gonna what is this?! Just gonna what is this?! stand right there.
what is this?! stand right there.
i don't like any of it.
stand right there.
i don't like any of it.
It's i don't like any of it.
It's Come on, guys.
It's Come on, guys.
[ laughs .]
Come on, guys.
[ laughs .]
no, no, my hair, my hair.
[ laughs .]
no, no, my hair, my hair.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
no, no, my hair, my hair.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
there we go.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
there we go.
you know this is unnecessary.
there we go.
you know this is unnecessary.
oh, it's very necessary.
you know this is unnecessary.
oh, it's very necessary.
Trust me.
oh, it's very necessary.
Trust me.
this is stupid.
Trust me.
this is stupid.
I don't like this.
this is stupid.
I don't like this.
Guys I don't like this.
Guys we got to go.
Guys we got to go.
you're gonna leave me right we got to go.
you're gonna leave me right here right now? you're gonna leave me right here right now? somebody's gonna come get Here right now? somebody's gonna come get you.
somebody's gonna come get you.
Don't worry about it.
You.
Don't worry about it.
don't leave! Guys! Don't worry about it.
don't leave! Guys! Is this -- don't leave! Guys! Is this -- are we done? Is this -- are we done? [ gasps .]
we clean up nice, huh? clean up real nice.
You look good in purple.
clean up real nice.
You look good in purple.
thank you.
You look good in purple.
thank you.
what is going on? thank you.
what is going on? What is going on? what is going on? What is going on? sal's getting punished today.
What is going on? sal's getting punished today.
He has no idea where he's going.
sal's getting punished today.
He has no idea where he's going.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks He has no idea where he's going.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks away.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks away.
why can't i just walk with a Away.
why can't i just walk with a blindfold? why can't i just walk with a blindfold? he's going to come into this Blindfold? he's going to come into this church strapped to a hand truck.
he's going to come into this church strapped to a hand truck.
[ laughter, cheers, applause .]
Church strapped to a hand truck.
[ laughter, cheers, applause .]
so, we don't know how this is [ laughter, cheers, applause .]
so, we don't know how this is gonna go, so we're gonna keep so, we don't know how this is gonna go, so we're gonna keep sal strapped in the whole time.
Gonna go, so we're gonna keep sal strapped in the whole time.
[ motor whirring .]
Sal strapped in the whole time.
[ motor whirring .]
what the [bleep.]
is that? [ motor whirring .]
what the [bleep.]
is that? shh, shh, shh! what the [bleep.]
is that? shh, shh, shh! [ breathes deeply .]
shh, shh, shh! [ breathes deeply .]
[ sighs .]
This is ridiculous.
ready? 1, 2, 3.
There you go.
[ wagner's "wedding march" plays .]
what's going on? Plays .]
what's going on? That's my [bleep.]
sister.
what's going on? That's my [bleep.]
sister.
I swear to god.
That's my [bleep.]
sister.
I swear to god.
[ laughing .]
I swear to god.
[ laughing .]
i'm gonna kill you.
What the [bleep.]
are you doing? That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not true.
oh, it's true.
That's not true.
oh, it's true.
for the [bleep.]
joke? for the [bleep.]
joke? For a joke? it's a good joke.
For a joke? it's a good joke.
shh! it's a good joke.
shh! shh! shh! shh! on behalf of james and jenna, shh! on behalf of james and jenna, thank you for joining us.
on behalf of james and jenna, thank you for joining us.
They are delighted that you have Thank you for joining us.
They are delighted that you have come here to share in their joy They are delighted that you have come here to share in their joy during this special day.
Come here to share in their joy during this special day.
is that a real priest? During this special day.
is that a real priest? yes.
is that a real priest? yes.
oh, god.
yes.
oh, god.
the couple would now like to oh, god.
the couple would now like to share a video of their loving the couple would now like to share a video of their loving journey that brought us all here Share a video of their loving journey that brought us all here today.
Journey that brought us all here today.
[ piano playing .]
oh, my god.
I can't take this.
Oh, my god, no! I can't take this.
Oh, my god, no! nice.
Oh, my god, no! nice.
uh-oh.
nice.
uh-oh.
Oh.
Where is this? uh-oh.
Oh.
Where is this? where are they going? Oh.
Where is this? where are they going? where are they? where are they going? where are they? oh, that's the city clerk's.
where are they? oh, that's the city clerk's.
That's really the city clerk's oh, that's the city clerk's.
That's really the city clerk's office.
That's really the city clerk's office.
oh, no.
Office.
oh, no.
oh, it's an official marriage oh, no.
oh, it's an official marriage certificate? oh, it's an official marriage certificate? oh, that's not the real deal, Certificate? oh, that's not the real deal, is it? oh, that's not the real deal, is it? he's signing it.
Is it? he's signing it.
oh, no.
he's signing it.
oh, no.
And she's -- oh, no.
And she's -- she's signing it at the city And she's -- she's signing it at the city clerk's office.
[ applause .]
whoo! now james and jenna will whoo! now james and jenna will pledge their eternal love in now james and jenna will pledge their eternal love in front of you all.
Pledge their eternal love in front of you all.
i, james murray, take you, Front of you all.
i, james murray, take you, sal's sister i, james murray, take you, sal's sister [ laughter .]
Sal's sister [ laughter .]
To be my lawfully wedded [ laughter .]
To be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be my lawfully wedded wife.
I take you for who you are, and Wife.
I take you for who you are, and who you are is sal's sister.
I take you for who you are, and who you are is sal's sister.
[ laughter .]
Who you are is sal's sister.
[ laughter .]
i can't take this.
[ laughter .]
i can't take this.
what an amazing moment.
i can't take this.
what an amazing moment.
In the same day, i get a wife what an amazing moment.
In the same day, i get a wife and a brother.
In the same day, i get a wife and a brother.
To my new mom and dad.
And a brother.
To my new mom and dad.
I hope to be the son you've To my new mom and dad.
I hope to be the son you've always wanted.
I hope to be the son you've always wanted.
[ laughter .]
Always wanted.
[ laughter .]
i hate you guys! [ laughter .]
i hate you guys! i, sal's sister, take you, i hate you guys! i, sal's sister, take you, murr, to be my husband.
i, sal's sister, take you, murr, to be my husband.
Murr, there's no other way to Murr, to be my husband.
Murr, there's no other way to say it.
Murr, there's no other way to say it.
I love you, i love you, i love Say it.
I love you, i love you, i love you.
I love you, i love you, i love you.
do you, jenna, take james to You.
do you, jenna, take james to be your lawfully wedded husband? do you, jenna, take james to be your lawfully wedded husband? i do.
Be your lawfully wedded husband? i do.
i'm gonna kill her.
i do.
i'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her.
i'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her.
and do you, james, take jenna I'm gonna kill her.
and do you, james, take jenna to be your lawfully wedded wife? and do you, james, take jenna to be your lawfully wedded wife? i do.
To be your lawfully wedded wife? i do.
you're gonna be a widow soon.
i do.
you're gonna be a widow soon.
[ laughter .]
you're gonna be a widow soon.
[ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
Please speak now or forever [ laughter .]
Please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Please speak now or forever hold your peace.
anyone? Hold your peace.
anyone? anybody? anyone? anybody? [ muffled .]
i object! anybody? [ muffled .]
i object! i couldn't hear anybody.
[ muffled .]
i object! i couldn't hear anybody.
no one? i couldn't hear anybody.
no one? We're good.
no one? We're good.
we're good.
We're good.
we're good.
ow! we're good.
ow! and now, by signing this ow! and now, by signing this official marriage license, and and now, by signing this official marriage license, and the power vested in me, i now Official marriage license, and the power vested in me, i now pronounce you husband and wife.
The power vested in me, i now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[ cheers and applause .]
You may kiss the bride.
[ cheers and applause .]
i'm gonna break out of this.
[ cheers and applause .]
i'm gonna break out of this.
very nice.
i'm gonna break out of this.
very nice.
whoo! very nice.
whoo! there's your brother-in-law, whoo! there's your brother-in-law, buddy.
there's your brother-in-law, buddy.
There's your brother-in-law.
Buddy.
There's your brother-in-law.
congratulations! [ all cheering .]
so happy! Congratulations! so happy! Congratulations! whoo! Congratulations! whoo! there they go.
whoo! there they go.
they're getting in the limo?! there they go.
they're getting in the limo?! [ laughter .]
Got murr so carried away? thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
narrator: Why is joe getting [ laughter .]
narrator: Why is joe getting cheeky? narrator: Why is joe getting cheeky? [ laughing .]
Cheeky? [ laughing .]
what the -- [ laughing .]
what the -- narrator: And which joker what the -- narrator: And which joker will live unhappily ever after narrator: And which joker will live unhappily ever after in tonight's monumental Will live unhappily ever after in tonight's monumental punishment? In tonight's monumental punishment? [ laughter .]
Punishment? [ laughter .]
prepare for something [ laughter .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i want my mommy! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
i will never forgive you! larry! i will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're being interviewed for a job by unsuspecting employees at the Interviewed for a job by unsuspecting employees at the offices of appetizer mobile.
Unsuspecting employees at the offices of appetizer mobile.
but our résumés have been Offices of appetizer mobile.
but our résumés have been created by the other guys, and but our résumés have been created by the other guys, and they're gonna be telling us what Created by the other guys, and they're gonna be telling us what to do and say.
the goal is to get your ass the job.
if you can't get yourself The job.
if you can't get yourself hired, you lose.
you look like you should be giving the interview.
yes.
Giving the interview.
yes.
that's how sharp you look.
yes.
that's how sharp you look.
thank you, bud.
that's how sharp you look.
thank you, bud.
Thank you.
thank you, bud.
Thank you.
just unbuckleour belt, and Thank you.
just unbuckleour belt, and when he comes in, just be just unbuckleour belt, and when he comes in, just be buckling your belt.
When he comes in, just be buckling your belt.
are you serious? Buckling your belt.
are you serious? i'm serious.
are you serious? i'm serious.
this is [bleep.]
i'm serious.
this is [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
Oh, hey.
Hey, sorry about that.
I was just -- just doing a -- Hey, sorry about that.
I was just -- just doing a -- i was just doing a re-tuck.
I was just -- just doing a -- i was just doing a re-tuck.
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
I was just doing a re-tuck.
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
[ both laugh .]
James murr.
Nice to meet you.
[ both laugh .]
right off the bat.
[ both laugh .]
right off the bat.
uh, here you go.
right off the bat.
uh, here you go.
Would you like me to take you uh, here you go.
Would you like me to take you through? Would you like me to take you through? sure, yeah.
Through? sure, yeah.
Walk me.
sure, yeah.
Walk me.
i used to work at Walk me.
i used to work at manduke diagnostics.
i used to work at manduke diagnostics.
okay.
Manduke diagnostics.
okay.
i updated all their computers okay.
i updated all their computers for the y2k compliance.
i updated all their computers for the y2k compliance.
[ laughter .]
For the y2k compliance.
[ laughter .]
you know, y2k was primarily a [ laughter .]
you know, y2k was primarily a '99, 2000 thing.
you know, y2k was primarily a '99, 2000 thing.
What did you do after that? there was a lot of follow-up paperwork.
[ laughter .]
Paperwork.
[ laughter .]
read the second bullet point.
read the second bullet point.
you know, at google, i spent three weeks inside a job you know, at google, i spent three weeks inside a job simulator.
Three weeks inside a job simulator.
what exactly is a job Simulator.
what exactly is a job simulator.
what exactly is a job simulator.
good question.
Simulator.
good question.
it was a pod you climbed in, good question.
it was a pod you climbed in, and you did the job, but it it was a pod you climbed in, and you did the job, but it wasn't real.
And you did the job, but it wasn't real.
It was a simulation of the job.
Wasn't real.
It was a simulation of the job.
right.
It was a simulation of the job.
right.
i was in there for three right.
i was in there for three weeks.
i was in there for three weeks.
"i had to learn to walk again Weeks.
"i had to learn to walk again when i finally got out.
" "i had to learn to walk again when i finally got out.
" i had to learn to walk again.
When i finally got out.
" i had to learn to walk again.
[ laughter .]
what's kind of your ideal work environment.
i like it casual.
Work environment.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
i like it casual.
I like that you guys are dressed i like it casual.
I like that you guys are dressed down.
I like that you guys are dressed down.
this is cas.
Down.
this is cas.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes this is cas.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes and socks off.
i'm just gonna pop my shoes and socks off.
maybe i'll just, uh -- And socks off.
maybe i'll just, uh -- i'll -- i'llKind of maybe i'll just, uh -- i'll -- i'llKind of I'll kind of get comfortable, I'll -- i'llKind of I'll kind of get comfortable, too.
I'll kind of get comfortable, too.
You know? Too.
You know? oh, god.
You know? oh, god.
great.
Now do what you always oh, god.
great.
Now do what you always do to us and put your feet up on great.
Now do what you always do to us and put your feet up on the table, you disgusting Do to us and put your feet up on the table, you disgusting ferret.
The table, you disgusting ferret.
[ sighs .]
Ferret.
[ sighs .]
hey, wait, wait! [ sighs .]
hey, wait, wait! Before you do it, say, "where do hey, wait, wait! Before you do it, say, "where do i see myself in five years?" Before you do it, say, "where do i see myself in five years?" where do i see myself in five I see myself in five years?" where do i see myself in five years? where do i see myself in five years? sure.
Years? sure.
"interviewing you for your sure.
"interviewing you for your job.
" "interviewing you for your job.
" interviewing you for the job Job.
" interviewing you for the job you lost to me.
interviewing you for the job you lost to me.
[ laughter .]
You lost to me.
[ laughter .]
so, do i got the job? you're out! [ buzzer .]
the way to start this [ buzzer .]
the way to start this interview, i want you to hide the way to start this interview, i want you to hide behind the door so when he comes Interview, i want you to hide behind the door so when he comes in, the room looks empty.
really? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
hey.
What's up, man? [ laughter .]
What's up, man? [ laughter .]
like to size up the interviewer Like to size up the interviewer before he gets to see me.
[ chuckles .]
Before he gets to see me.
[ chuckles .]
yeah, yeah.
[ chuckles .]
yeah, yeah.
This your résumé? yeah, yeah.
This your résumé? yeah.
So, um This your résumé? yeah.
So, um what's the first job on your yeah.
So, um what's the first job on your résumé? what's the first job on your résumé? there was a job i had in this Résumé? there was a job i had in this lab.
there was a job i had in this lab.
I was a certified scorpion Lab.
I was a certified scorpion trainer.
I was a certified scorpion trainer.
you're a certified scorpion Trainer.
you're a certified scorpion trainer.
yeah.
yeah, how did you get into yeah, how did you get into it? i was bit by a scorpion, and It? i was bit by a scorpion, and i said, "never again.
" i was bit by a scorpion, and i said, "never again.
" [ laughter .]
I said, "never again.
" [ laughter .]
so you surrounded yourself [ laughter .]
so you surrounded yourself with scorpions? so you surrounded yourself with scorpions? so then i learned about With scorpions? so then i learned about scorpions, and then i actually so then i learned about scorpions, and then i actually started training them, i got Scorpions, and then i actually started training them, i got them as pets, and Started training them, i got them as pets, and interesting.
Them as pets, and interesting.
it's almost like the flea interesting.
it's almost like the flea circuses.
it's almost like the flea circuses.
yeah, yeah.
Circuses.
yeah, yeah.
except with deadly venomous yeah, yeah.
except with deadly venomous scorpions.
except with deadly venomous scorpions.
[ laughter .]
Scorpions.
[ laughter .]
next, read it off, buddy.
[ laughter .]
next, read it off, buddy.
Read it off.
next, read it off, buddy.
Read it off.
[ both laugh .]
Read it off.
[ both laugh .]
you know, ace of base -- i'm [ both laugh .]
you know, ace of base -- i'm their tour manager.
you know, ace of base -- i'm their tour manager.
yeah, yeah.
Their tour manager.
yeah, yeah.
i cooked the -- i cooked the yeah, yeah.
i cooked the -- i cooked the books for those guys.
i cooked the -- i cooked the books for those guys.
[ laughter .]
Books for those guys.
[ laughter .]
and then from 1998 to 2008, i [ laughter .]
and then from 1998 to 2008, i was the tour manager for the And then from 1998 to 2008, i was the tour manager for the black eyed peas.
Was the tour manager for the black eyed peas.
no way.
Black eyed peas.
no way.
yeah.
no way.
yeah.
And i was assistant to fergie, yeah.
And i was assistant to fergie, will.
I.
Am, the asian and the And i was assistant to fergie, will.
I.
Am, the asian and the fourth one.
Will.
I.
Am, the asian and the fourth one.
the other two guys.
Fourth one.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
the other two guys.
and then i was responsible the other two guys.
and then i was responsible for getting it started with and then i was responsible for getting it started with them.
For getting it started with them.
[ both laugh .]
Them.
[ both laugh .]
as, like, a position for what [ both laugh .]
as, like, a position for what you're interviewing, you kind of as, like, a position for what you're interviewing, you kind of just got to be available a lot.
You're interviewing, you kind of just got to be available a lot.
shake your head "no" as you Just got to be available a lot.
shake your head "no" as you answer affirmatively.
shake your head "no" as you answer affirmatively.
i can be available all the Answer affirmatively.
i can be available all the time.
i can be available all the time.
[ laughter .]
Time.
[ laughter .]
how confident are you with [ laughter .]
how confident are you with being able to kind of get how confident are you with being able to kind of get yourself up to speed on this Being able to kind of get yourself up to speed on this software that we primarily use? Yourself up to speed on this software that we primarily use? uh, 100% i could do the job.
Software that we primarily use? uh, 100% i could do the job.
yeah.
uh, 100% i could do the job.
yeah.
Okay.
yeah.
Okay.
[ laughter .]
Okay.
[ laughter .]
so, do i have the job? [ laughter .]
so, do i have the job? yeah, it was a pleasure.
so, do i have the job? yeah, it was a pleasure.
thank you.
yeah, it was a pleasure.
thank you.
So, do i have the job? thank you.
So, do i have the job? [ chuckles .]
So, do i have the job? [ chuckles .]
i can't actually [ chuckles .]
i can't actually [ laughter .]
I can't actually [ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ buzzer .]
first off, thank you for coming in.
q, keep smiling really Coming in.
q, keep smiling really cheesy.
q, keep smiling really cheesy.
[ laughter .]
Cheesy.
[ laughter .]
so, i can tell you more about [ laughter .]
so, i can tell you more about the position a little bit, so, i can tell you more about the position a little bit, but The position a little bit, but This is the new space.
This is the new space.
i never see q smile like that.
i never see q smile like that.
and the position you're That.
and the position you're looking for is? and the position you're looking for is? so, it's an office Looking for is? so, it's an office administrator to basically take so, it's an office administrator to basically take over running this office and the Administrator to basically take over running this office and the office next door.
Over running this office and the office next door.
[ laughter .]
Office next door.
[ laughter .]
looks like a psychopath.
[ laughter .]
looks like a psychopath.
you'd be wearing a lot of looks like a psychopath.
you'd be wearing a lot of different hats.
you'd be wearing a lot of different hats.
oh, i like hats.
Different hats.
oh, i like hats.
[ laughter .]
oh, i like hats.
[ laughter .]
what's, like, the skills that [ laughter .]
what's, like, the skills that you feel that you can bring as what's, like, the skills that you feel that you can bring as an office admin? You feel that you can bring as an office admin? all right, read the skills An office admin? all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
my key skills -- records Off of your résumé.
my key skills -- records management.
my key skills -- records management.
yeah.
Management.
yeah.
and i like to party too much.
yeah.
and i like to party too much.
oh, yeah? and i like to party too much.
oh, yeah? tap your nose.
oh, yeah? tap your nose.
uh tap your nose.
uh okay.
uh okay.
[ laughter .]
okay.
[ laughter .]
have you had project-management [ laughter .]
have you had project-management experience in the past? Have you had project-management experience in the past? i worked at happy times Experience in the past? i worked at happy times funeral home.
i worked at happy times funeral home.
haven't heard of it.
Funeral home.
haven't heard of it.
we try and take the grieving haven't heard of it.
we try and take the grieving process and make it, like, a we try and take the grieving process and make it, like, a little bit more fun.
Process and make it, like, a little bit more fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" Little bit more fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" i'm all about fun.
"i'm all about fun.
" i'm all about fun.
"i like to party.
" i'm all about fun.
"i like to party.
" i like to -- i like to party, "i like to party.
" i like to -- i like to party, you know? i like to -- i like to party, you know? yeah.
You know? yeah.
tap your nose.
yeah.
tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
reach across the table and oh, man.
reach across the table and take a drink from his drink.
reach across the table and take a drink from his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
Take a drink from his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
yeah.
Mm.
take a sip of his drink.
yeah.
Mm.
take a sip of his drink.
Take a sip of his drink.
take a sip of his drink.
Take a sip of his drink.
you know.
Take a sip of his drink.
you know.
yeah.
you know.
yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
finish it.
[ laughs .]
finish it.
[ laughter .]
"i have to tell you" i do have to tell you yeah.
i do have to tell you yeah.
"I call out sick a lot.
" yeah.
"I call out sick a lot.
" I do call out sick a lot.
"I call out sick a lot.
" I do call out sick a lot.
and tap your nose.
I do call out sick a lot.
and tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
and tap your nose.
[ laughter .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter continues .]
so, there you go.
[ laughter continues .]
so, do you have any questions [ laughter continues .]
so, do you have any questions for me? so, do you have any questions for me? "do i got the job?" For me? "do i got the job?" "do i have the job?" "do i got the job?" "do i have the job?" so, do i have the job? "do i have the job?" so, do i have the job? i think you do.
so, do i have the job? i think you do.
i do?! i think you do.
i do?! [ laughter .]
i do?! [ laughter .]
all right! [ laughter .]
all right! That's what i'm talking about! All right! That's what i'm talking about! I am very excited to work with That's what i'm talking about! I am very excited to work with you! [ ding! .]
that is crazy! joe, you look good, man.
that is crazy! joe, you look good, man.
You look sharp.
joe, you look good, man.
You look sharp.
trying something new today.
You look sharp.
trying something new today.
we put joe's outfit together.
trying something new today.
we put joe's outfit together.
[ laughter .]
we put joe's outfit together.
[ laughter .]
here we go.
here we go.
here we go.
oh, hey, man.
here we go.
oh, hey, man.
Joe.
How are you? oh, hey, man.
Joe.
How are you? i'm sange.
Joe.
How are you? i'm sange.
sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
i'm sange.
sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
all right, read the skills sange.
Nice to meet you, man.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
all right, read the skills off of your résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my Off of your résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my résumé.
okay.
Here's my copy of my résumé.
oh, great.
Résumé.
oh, great.
cool.
oh, great.
cool.
so, let's see here.
cool.
so, let's see here.
so, i do have so, let's see here.
so, i do have office-management experience.
so, i do have office-management experience.
I'm good at multitasking.
Office-management experience.
I'm good at multitasking.
Julian accounts called me the I'm good at multitasking.
Julian accounts called me the best employee.
Julian accounts called me the best employee.
It was like an office award.
Best employee.
It was like an office award.
okay, joe.
It was like an office award.
okay, joe.
both: Take off the jacket.
okay, joe.
both: Take off the jacket.
um both: Take off the jacket.
um ah! um ah! it was, like, uh -- it was, ah! it was, like, uh -- it was, like, a big deal with, uh it was, like, uh -- it was, like, a big deal with, uh [ laughter .]
Like, a big deal with, uh [ laughter .]
okay.
So, uh [ laughter .]
okay.
So, uh [ laughter continues .]
Okay.
So, uh [ laughter continues .]
when i was the secretary there, [ laughter continues .]
when i was the secretary there, i got voted the best employee, When i was the secretary there, i got voted the best employee, which was a big thing.
I got voted the best employee, which was a big thing.
yeah.
Which was a big thing.
yeah.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? yeah.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? no.
I apologize.
Wait.
Is this, like, a joke? no.
I apologize.
[ laughter .]
no.
I apologize.
[ laughter .]
i actually -- [ laughter .]
i actually -- i run 5k's.
I actually -- i run 5k's.
Do you run? I run 5k's.
Do you run? i do run, yeah.
Do you run? i do run, yeah.
yes.
i do run, yeah.
yes.
My nipples -- so i had a yes.
My nipples -- so i had a sensitive -- so i just cut them My nipples -- so i had a sensitive -- so i just cut them out.
Sensitive -- so i just cut them out.
yeah.
Out.
yeah.
when i run the 5k, i just got yeah.
when i run the 5k, i just got these sensitive nipples, you when i run the 5k, i just got these sensitive nipples, you know? These sensitive nipples, you know? all right, cool.
Know? all right, cool.
[ laughs .]
all right, cool.
[ laughs .]
now they're living in this [ laughs .]
now they're living in this reality.
now they're living in this reality.
look at his face! Reality.
look at his face! yeah, i was just wondering, look at his face! yeah, i was just wondering, do you -- like, if, uh yeah, i was just wondering, do you -- like, if, uh You know, when -- when you're in Do you -- like, if, uh You know, when -- when you're in the -- You know, when -- when you're in the -- like, in your previous jobs, The -- like, in your previous jobs, were you able to wear a shirt Like, in your previous jobs, were you able to wear a shirt like that? Were you able to wear a shirt like that? the other places were casual.
Like that? the other places were casual.
it was that casual? the other places were casual.
it was that casual? and they said it's casual it was that casual? and they said it's casual here, too, right? and they said it's casual here, too, right? yeah, it is casual, yeah.
Here, too, right? yeah, it is casual, yeah.
i saw guys with shorts and yeah, it is casual, yeah.
i saw guys with shorts and stuff.
i saw guys with shorts and stuff.
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
Stuff.
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
[ laughter .]
yeah, yeah, totally, totally.
[ laughter .]
joe, just scratch one of your [ laughter .]
joe, just scratch one of your nipples just a little bit.
joe, just scratch one of your nipples just a little bit.
so, would you say there's Nipples just a little bit.
so, would you say there's opportunity to grow with this so, would you say there's opportunity to grow with this company? Opportunity to grow with this company? [ laughter .]
Company? [ laughter .]
i like to see problems and nip [ laughter .]
i like to see problems and nip them in the bud.
I like to see problems and nip them in the bud.
[ both laugh .]
Them in the bud.
[ both laugh .]
i'm not originally from this [ both laugh .]
i'm not originally from this areola.
I'm not originally from this areola.
[ laughter .]
Areola.
[ laughter .]
areola! [ laughter .]
areola! yeah, you know, i like to areola! yeah, you know, i like to milk the most out of every yeah, you know, i like to milk the most out of every opportunity.
Milk the most out of every opportunity.
[ laughter .]
Opportunity.
[ laughter .]
so, did i get the job? [ laughter .]
so, did i get the job? well, i'll have to discuss So, did i get the job? well, i'll have to discuss with george.
well, i'll have to discuss with george.
[ laughter .]
With george.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
But thanks for your [ laughter .]
yeah.
But thanks for your time, man.
yeah.
But thanks for your time, man.
I appreciate it.
Time, man.
I appreciate it.
[ laughter .]
ha ha! What the [bleep.]
[ buzzer .]
What the [bleep.]
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr, joe, and sal [ buzzer .]
narrator: Murr, joe, and sal didn't get the gig, so they're narrator: Murr, joe, and sal didn't get the gig, so they're on the loser board.
Didn't get the gig, so they're on the loser board.
we're at the On the loser board.
we're at the staten island ferry, striking up we're at the staten island ferry, striking up conversations with strangers.
Staten island ferry, striking up conversations with strangers.
and while we're chatting Conversations with strangers.
and while we're chatting people up, the other guys will and while we're chatting people up, the other guys will be in the background, performing People up, the other guys will be in the background, performing ridiculous actions that we have Be in the background, performing ridiculous actions that we have to mimic.
the goal is to incorporate as many of these actions into our conversations as we can.
Many of these actions into our conversations as we can.
the guy who does the least Conversations as we can.
the guy who does the least amount of actions loses.
Here we go.
excuse me, bud.
How do i get to central park excuse me, bud.
How do i get to central park from here? How do i get to central park from here? I just came over on the ferry, From here? I just came over on the ferry, and i'm not sure the right way I just came over on the ferry, and i'm not sure the right way to go.
And i'm not sure the right way to go.
for some reason, i'm drawing To go.
for some reason, i'm drawing a blank.
for some reason, i'm drawing a blank.
I don't remember where A blank.
I don't remember where central park is.
I don't remember where central park is.
the north part of the park i Central park is.
the north part of the park i don't want to go near, 'cause the north part of the park i don't want to go near, 'cause that's -- there's a lot of Don't want to go near, 'cause that's -- there's a lot of violence there.
That's -- there's a lot of violence there.
A lot of people, you know -- Violence there.
A lot of people, you know -- just crazy.
A lot of people, you know -- just crazy.
Crazy things happen there.
Just crazy.
Crazy things happen there.
[ both laugh .]
Crazy things happen there.
[ both laugh .]
gonna go two stops uptown to [ both laugh .]
gonna go two stops uptown to fulton street.
gonna go two stops uptown to fulton street.
is it safe, or am i gonna Fulton street.
is it safe, or am i gonna have to, you know, like, uh is it safe, or am i gonna have to, you know, like, uh No? I'll be okay? Have to, you know, like, uh No? I'll be okay? I won't have to defend myself? No? I'll be okay? I won't have to defend myself? now he's walking away.
I won't have to defend myself? now he's walking away.
'cause someone comes at me, now he's walking away.
'cause someone comes at me, chk, pkk! 'cause someone comes at me, chk, pkk! Loaded fingers.
Chk, pkk! Loaded fingers.
You got it.
Loaded fingers.
You got it.
[ laughter .]
You got it.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, bud.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, bud.
Can i catch a taxi or anything Excuse me, bud.
Can i catch a taxi or anything around here? Can i catch a taxi or anything around here? uh, put your hands out.
Around here? uh, put your hands out.
I don't know.
uh, put your hands out.
I don't know.
do you have to call for them? I don't know.
do you have to call for them? [ laughter .]
do you have to call for them? [ laughter .]
oh, man.
[ laughter .]
oh, man.
I got to tell you oh, man.
I got to tell you I hurt my leg.
I got to tell you I hurt my leg.
C-can I hurt my leg.
C-can Can you, uh, give me a quick C-can Can you, uh, give me a quick lift just to the Can you, uh, give me a quick lift just to the i don't know, man.
Lift just to the i don't know, man.
i'm light.
i don't know, man.
i'm light.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
i'm light.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
Probably 150.
Look at me -- i'm like a pencil.
Probably 150.
Do you mind if i? Probably 150.
Do you mind if i? this guy's gonna let him do Do you mind if i? this guy's gonna let him do it? this guy's gonna let him do it? talk about carrying? It? talk about carrying? no, just -- talk about carrying? no, just -- i'm real light, but no, just -- i'm real light, but Is that okay? I'm real light, but Is that okay? All right, thank you so much, Is that okay? All right, thank you so much, man.
All right, thank you so much, man.
[ laughter .]
Man.
[ laughter .]
you are a gentleman.
[ laughter .]
you are a gentleman.
Thank you.
You are a gentleman.
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
Thank you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Do you know anything about the excuse me.
Do you know anything about the staten island ferry? Do you know anything about the staten island ferry? yes.
Staten island ferry? yes.
is it just to staten island? yes.
is it just to staten island? Does this one go to the is it just to staten island? Does this one go to the statue of liberty and stuff like Does this one go to the statue of liberty and stuff like that? Statue of liberty and stuff like that? no.
That? no.
oh, okay.
no.
oh, okay.
You know about this huge oh, okay.
You know about this huge celebration on ellis island? You know about this huge celebration on ellis island? yes.
That's where you trying Celebration on ellis island? yes.
That's where you trying to get to? yes.
That's where you trying to get to? yes! The one that's like To get to? yes! The one that's like [ laughter .]
yes! The one that's like [ laughter .]
excuse me.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Do you know where i can get the Excuse me.
Do you know where i can get the "z" train? Do you know where i can get the "z" train? z? "z" train? z? yeah.
Is there a "z"? z? yeah.
Is there a "z"? there is a "z.
" uh the toss-away is rough.
it's the toss-away that makes the toss-away is rough.
it's the toss-away that makes it almost impossible.
it's the toss-away that makes it almost impossible.
i hope i'm not holding you It almost impossible.
i hope i'm not holding you up.
I'm so sorry.
i hope i'm not holding you up.
I'm so sorry.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
Up.
I'm so sorry.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
and then this guy here.
no, you're fine, you're fine.
and then this guy here.
he's got it! and then this guy here.
he's got it! wow! he's got it! wow! thank you very much.
wow! thank you very much.
ohh! thank you very much.
ohh! and the flick at the end.
ohh! and the flick at the end.
yeah, he got it.
and the flick at the end.
yeah, he got it.
excuse me, bud.
yeah, he got it.
excuse me, bud.
Did you guys just come from this excuse me, bud.
Did you guys just come from this ferry? Did you guys just come from this ferry? yes.
Ferry? yes.
[ laughing .]
yes.
[ laughing .]
uh, let me just -- let me [ laughing .]
uh, let me just -- let me just -- uh, let me just -- let me just -- can i just hump your leg? Just -- can i just hump your leg? All right, all right.
Can i just hump your leg? All right, all right.
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
All right, all right.
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
[ laughter .]
I'm not gonna hump your leg.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
excuse me.
[ ding! .]
excuse me.
Do you know where i can get to excuse me.
Do you know where i can get to the nearest candy shop if i Do you know where i can get to the nearest candy shop if i wanted some candy? The nearest candy shop if i wanted some candy? yeah, lower east side.
Wanted some candy? yeah, lower east side.
[ both laugh .]
yeah, lower east side.
[ both laugh .]
lower east side, all right.
[ both laugh .]
lower east side, all right.
All right, give me your [bleep.]
lower east side, all right.
All right, give me your [bleep.]
give me your [bleep.]
All right, give me your [bleep.]
give me your [bleep.]
let me have that [bleep.]
Give me your [bleep.]
let me have that [bleep.]
come on.
Okay.
All right.
Let me have that [bleep.]
come on.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I tried.
Come on.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I tried.
did you say, "give me that All right.
I tried.
did you say, "give me that [bleep.]
" did you say, "give me that [bleep.]
" i had to justify it.
[bleep.]
" i had to justify it.
oh, my god! i had to justify it.
oh, my god! excuse me, guys.
oh, my god! excuse me, guys.
Do you know how i could possibly excuse me, guys.
Do you know how i could possibly get to times square from here? Do you know how i could possibly get to times square from here? You guys familiar with the area Get to times square from here? You guys familiar with the area at all? You guys familiar with the area at all? you could get a subway.
At all? you could get a subway.
a subway.
you could get a subway.
a subway.
And that's -- that's -- a subway.
And that's -- that's -- 'cause i want to get up there.
And that's -- that's -- 'cause i want to get up there.
You know, i want to see some of 'cause i want to get up there.
You know, i want to see some of that You know, i want to see some of that You know what i mean? That You know what i mean? Some of them girls up there they You know what i mean? Some of them girls up there they still got.
Some of them girls up there they still got.
You know what i mean? Still got.
You know what i mean? yeah, subway.
You know what i mean? yeah, subway.
subway.
yeah, subway.
subway.
So if i want to get up there and subway.
So if i want to get up there and really, like So if i want to get up there and really, like Yeah, take one of these and Really, like Yeah, take one of these and just Yeah, take one of these and just what?! Just what?! like, the subway? what?! like, the subway? They won't throw me off of that? like, the subway? They won't throw me off of that? All right, have you guys ever They won't throw me off of that? All right, have you guys ever been up there lately? All right, have you guys ever been up there lately? Have you guys? Been up there lately? Have you guys? Okay.
All right.
Have you guys? Okay.
All right.
[ laughter .]
your turn consisted of you wanted to go uptown to find a woman to strangle, and from the Wanted to go uptown to find a woman to strangle, and from the excitement of it, you collapsed.
Woman to strangle, and from the excitement of it, you collapsed.
[ laughter .]
Excitement of it, you collapsed.
[ laughter .]
excuse me.
Miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me.
Miss? If i wanted to get to Excuse me.
Miss? If i wanted to get to times square, would you know If i wanted to get to times square, would you know the Times square, would you know the um um Just take a number 1 -- it doesn't even matter.
Just take a number 1 -- it doesn't even matter.
I'm just gonna take the loss on it doesn't even matter.
I'm just gonna take the loss on this.
I'm just gonna take the loss on this.
'cause what happened is murray This.
'cause what happened is murray dropped his pants, and you look 'cause what happened is murray dropped his pants, and you look like a lovely lady, so i'm not Dropped his pants, and you look like a lovely lady, so i'm not gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my Like a lovely lady, so i'm not gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my pants.
Gonna -- i'm not gonna drop my pants.
see that guy right there with Pants.
see that guy right there with no pants on right there? see that guy right there with no pants on right there? yeah.
No pants on right there? yeah.
he wants me to do that to yeah.
he wants me to do that to you.
he wants me to do that to you.
I can't do that.
You.
I can't do that.
you can't call out the show.
I can't do that.
you can't call out the show.
you seem like a very nice you can't call out the show.
you seem like a very nice lady.
you seem like a very nice lady.
Thank you, thank you.
Lady.
Thank you, thank you.
[ ding! .]
Thank you, thank you.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hey, bud, you know the [ laughter .]
hey, bud, you know the governor's island ferry, where hey, bud, you know the governor's island ferry, where that's at? Governor's island ferry, where that's at? yeah.
That's at? yeah.
here we go.
He's in.
[ laughing .]
i want to -- it reminds me of mardi gras, i want to -- it reminds me of mardi gras, 'cause i went to the It reminds me of mardi gras, 'cause i went to the governor's island ferry once, 'cause i went to the governor's island ferry once, and they had a big party, and it Governor's island ferry once, and they had a big party, and it was a lot of fun.
And they had a big party, and it was a lot of fun.
The girls were getting the Was a lot of fun.
The girls were getting the beads.
The girls were getting the beads.
Yeah, it was great.
Beads.
Yeah, it was great.
But the staten island ferry, Yeah, it was great.
But the staten island ferry, they don't connect.
But the staten island ferry, they don't connect.
no, not at all.
They don't connect.
no, not at all.
yeah.
no, not at all.
yeah.
Hold on one second.
yeah.
Hold on one second.
I got to take this.
Hold on one second.
I got to take this.
Yeah.
I got to take this.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Sorry, bud.
Okay.
I'll call you back.
Sorry, bud.
[ laughter .]
Sorry, bud.
[ laughter .]
this girl in the hat.
[ laughter .]
this girl in the hat.
you know where the this girl in the hat.
you know where the governors island ferry is? you know where the governors island ferry is? the ferry? Governors island ferry is? the ferry? to governors island.
the ferry? to governors island.
is this beyoncé? to governors island.
is this beyoncé? going to governors island.
is this beyoncé? going to governors island.
There's a big dance-off this going to governors island.
There's a big dance-off this weekend.
There's a big dance-off this weekend.
I'm really psyched about it.
Weekend.
I'm really psyched about it.
oh.
I'm really psyched about it.
oh.
yeah, there's a big dance-off oh.
yeah, there's a big dance-off this week that they're doing.
yeah, there's a big dance-off this week that they're doing.
They do it every year at This week that they're doing.
They do it every year at governors island.
They do it every year at governors island.
You should go check it out.
Governors island.
You should go check it out.
It's really good.
You should go check it out.
It's really good.
It's the place to be.
It's really good.
It's the place to be.
[ laughter .]
It's the place to be.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
Well, enjoy yourself.
Oh, boy.
Well, enjoy yourself.
The place to be.
Well, enjoy yourself.
The place to be.
Day's over, guys.
The place to be.
Day's over, guys.
[ laughter .]
Day's over, guys.
[ laughter .]
boys, i have to admit that i am [ laughter .]
boys, i have to admit that i am impressed.
Boys, i have to admit that i am impressed.
It took you four to point to the Impressed.
It took you four to point to the [bleep.]
It took you four to point to the [bleep.]
i'm very impressed.
[bleep.]
i'm very impressed.
[ ding! .]
I'm very impressed.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: The limitations on [ laughter .]
narrator: The limitations on sal's imitations make him narrator: The limitations on sal's imitations make him tonight's big loser.
Sal's imitations make him tonight's big loser.
sal's our big loser.
Tonight's big loser.
sal's our big loser.
yes! sal's our big loser.
yes! yeah, this is normally the yes! yeah, this is normally the part where we tell you what your yeah, this is normally the part where we tell you what your punishment is.
Part where we tell you what your punishment is.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a Punishment is.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a little different.
Tonight, we're gonna do it a little different.
yeah, we're gonna be a little Little different.
yeah, we're gonna be a little unusual.
yeah, we're gonna be a little unusual.
so wait right here, bud.
Unusual.
so wait right here, bud.
Just gonna so wait right here, bud.
Just gonna what is this?! Just gonna what is this?! stand right there.
what is this?! stand right there.
i don't like any of it.
stand right there.
i don't like any of it.
It's i don't like any of it.
It's Come on, guys.
It's Come on, guys.
[ laughs .]
Come on, guys.
[ laughs .]
no, no, my hair, my hair.
[ laughs .]
no, no, my hair, my hair.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
no, no, my hair, my hair.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
there we go.
Okay.
This is not necessary.
there we go.
you know this is unnecessary.
there we go.
you know this is unnecessary.
oh, it's very necessary.
you know this is unnecessary.
oh, it's very necessary.
Trust me.
oh, it's very necessary.
Trust me.
this is stupid.
Trust me.
this is stupid.
I don't like this.
this is stupid.
I don't like this.
Guys I don't like this.
Guys we got to go.
Guys we got to go.
you're gonna leave me right we got to go.
you're gonna leave me right here right now? you're gonna leave me right here right now? somebody's gonna come get Here right now? somebody's gonna come get you.
somebody's gonna come get you.
Don't worry about it.
You.
Don't worry about it.
don't leave! Guys! Don't worry about it.
don't leave! Guys! Is this -- don't leave! Guys! Is this -- are we done? Is this -- are we done? [ gasps .]
we clean up nice, huh? clean up real nice.
You look good in purple.
clean up real nice.
You look good in purple.
thank you.
You look good in purple.
thank you.
what is going on? thank you.
what is going on? What is going on? what is going on? What is going on? sal's getting punished today.
What is going on? sal's getting punished today.
He has no idea where he's going.
sal's getting punished today.
He has no idea where he's going.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks He has no idea where he's going.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks away.
He's been blindfolded 10 blocks away.
why can't i just walk with a Away.
why can't i just walk with a blindfold? why can't i just walk with a blindfold? he's going to come into this Blindfold? he's going to come into this church strapped to a hand truck.
he's going to come into this church strapped to a hand truck.
[ laughter, cheers, applause .]
Church strapped to a hand truck.
[ laughter, cheers, applause .]
so, we don't know how this is [ laughter, cheers, applause .]
so, we don't know how this is gonna go, so we're gonna keep so, we don't know how this is gonna go, so we're gonna keep sal strapped in the whole time.
Gonna go, so we're gonna keep sal strapped in the whole time.
[ motor whirring .]
Sal strapped in the whole time.
[ motor whirring .]
what the [bleep.]
is that? [ motor whirring .]
what the [bleep.]
is that? shh, shh, shh! what the [bleep.]
is that? shh, shh, shh! [ breathes deeply .]
shh, shh, shh! [ breathes deeply .]
[ sighs .]
This is ridiculous.
ready? 1, 2, 3.
There you go.
[ wagner's "wedding march" plays .]
what's going on? Plays .]
what's going on? That's my [bleep.]
sister.
what's going on? That's my [bleep.]
sister.
I swear to god.
That's my [bleep.]
sister.
I swear to god.
[ laughing .]
I swear to god.
[ laughing .]
i'm gonna kill you.
What the [bleep.]
are you doing? That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not true.
oh, it's true.
That's not true.
oh, it's true.
for the [bleep.]
joke? for the [bleep.]
joke? For a joke? it's a good joke.
For a joke? it's a good joke.
shh! it's a good joke.
shh! shh! shh! shh! on behalf of james and jenna, shh! on behalf of james and jenna, thank you for joining us.
on behalf of james and jenna, thank you for joining us.
They are delighted that you have Thank you for joining us.
They are delighted that you have come here to share in their joy They are delighted that you have come here to share in their joy during this special day.
Come here to share in their joy during this special day.
is that a real priest? During this special day.
is that a real priest? yes.
is that a real priest? yes.
oh, god.
yes.
oh, god.
the couple would now like to oh, god.
the couple would now like to share a video of their loving the couple would now like to share a video of their loving journey that brought us all here Share a video of their loving journey that brought us all here today.
Journey that brought us all here today.
[ piano playing .]
oh, my god.
I can't take this.
Oh, my god, no! I can't take this.
Oh, my god, no! nice.
Oh, my god, no! nice.
uh-oh.
nice.
uh-oh.
Oh.
Where is this? uh-oh.
Oh.
Where is this? where are they going? Oh.
Where is this? where are they going? where are they? where are they going? where are they? oh, that's the city clerk's.
where are they? oh, that's the city clerk's.
That's really the city clerk's oh, that's the city clerk's.
That's really the city clerk's office.
That's really the city clerk's office.
oh, no.
Office.
oh, no.
oh, it's an official marriage oh, no.
oh, it's an official marriage certificate? oh, it's an official marriage certificate? oh, that's not the real deal, Certificate? oh, that's not the real deal, is it? oh, that's not the real deal, is it? he's signing it.
Is it? he's signing it.
oh, no.
he's signing it.
oh, no.
And she's -- oh, no.
And she's -- she's signing it at the city And she's -- she's signing it at the city clerk's office.
[ applause .]
whoo! now james and jenna will whoo! now james and jenna will pledge their eternal love in now james and jenna will pledge their eternal love in front of you all.
Pledge their eternal love in front of you all.
i, james murray, take you, Front of you all.
i, james murray, take you, sal's sister i, james murray, take you, sal's sister [ laughter .]
Sal's sister [ laughter .]
To be my lawfully wedded [ laughter .]
To be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be my lawfully wedded wife.
I take you for who you are, and Wife.
I take you for who you are, and who you are is sal's sister.
I take you for who you are, and who you are is sal's sister.
[ laughter .]
Who you are is sal's sister.
[ laughter .]
i can't take this.
[ laughter .]
i can't take this.
what an amazing moment.
i can't take this.
what an amazing moment.
In the same day, i get a wife what an amazing moment.
In the same day, i get a wife and a brother.
In the same day, i get a wife and a brother.
To my new mom and dad.
And a brother.
To my new mom and dad.
I hope to be the son you've To my new mom and dad.
I hope to be the son you've always wanted.
I hope to be the son you've always wanted.
[ laughter .]
Always wanted.
[ laughter .]
i hate you guys! [ laughter .]
i hate you guys! i, sal's sister, take you, i hate you guys! i, sal's sister, take you, murr, to be my husband.
i, sal's sister, take you, murr, to be my husband.
Murr, there's no other way to Murr, to be my husband.
Murr, there's no other way to say it.
Murr, there's no other way to say it.
I love you, i love you, i love Say it.
I love you, i love you, i love you.
I love you, i love you, i love you.
do you, jenna, take james to You.
do you, jenna, take james to be your lawfully wedded husband? do you, jenna, take james to be your lawfully wedded husband? i do.
Be your lawfully wedded husband? i do.
i'm gonna kill her.
i do.
i'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her.
i'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her.
and do you, james, take jenna I'm gonna kill her.
and do you, james, take jenna to be your lawfully wedded wife? and do you, james, take jenna to be your lawfully wedded wife? i do.
To be your lawfully wedded wife? i do.
you're gonna be a widow soon.
i do.
you're gonna be a widow soon.
[ laughter .]
you're gonna be a widow soon.
[ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
if anyone here objects [ laughter .]
Please speak now or forever [ laughter .]
Please speak now or forever hold your peace.
Please speak now or forever hold your peace.
anyone? Hold your peace.
anyone? anybody? anyone? anybody? [ muffled .]
i object! anybody? [ muffled .]
i object! i couldn't hear anybody.
[ muffled .]
i object! i couldn't hear anybody.
no one? i couldn't hear anybody.
no one? We're good.
no one? We're good.
we're good.
We're good.
we're good.
ow! we're good.
ow! and now, by signing this ow! and now, by signing this official marriage license, and and now, by signing this official marriage license, and the power vested in me, i now Official marriage license, and the power vested in me, i now pronounce you husband and wife.
The power vested in me, i now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[ cheers and applause .]
You may kiss the bride.
[ cheers and applause .]
i'm gonna break out of this.
[ cheers and applause .]
i'm gonna break out of this.
very nice.
i'm gonna break out of this.
very nice.
whoo! very nice.
whoo! there's your brother-in-law, whoo! there's your brother-in-law, buddy.
there's your brother-in-law, buddy.
There's your brother-in-law.
Buddy.
There's your brother-in-law.
congratulations! [ all cheering .]
so happy! Congratulations! so happy! Congratulations! whoo! Congratulations! whoo! there they go.
whoo! there they go.
they're getting in the limo?! there they go.
they're getting in the limo?! [ laughter .]