Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e12 Episode Script
Car Sick
narrator: Coming up, why is it rhyme time for m.
C.
Sal? [ rapping .]
don't make the It rhyme time for m.
C.
Sal? [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ laughter .]
narrator: Does murr got game? ohh! ohh! narrator: And which losing narrator: And which losing joker will be taken for a ride in tonight's punishment? Joker will be taken for a ride in tonight's punishment? prepare for something In tonight's punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today one of us will be moderating a focus group.
and another one of us will be Moderating a focus group.
and another one of us will be participating in that same and another one of us will be participating in that same group.
Participating in that same group.
the participant must read all Group.
the participant must read all the answers on the survey.
The thing is, his completely embarrassing answers have been Embarrassing answers have been written by the moderator.
Written by the moderator.
if you can't read every if you can't read every answer in its entirety, you Answer in its entirety, you lose.
Lose.
That was -- that was solid.
That was -- that was solid.
that was well done sir, james.
Michael, nice to meet you.
Michael, nice to meet you.
And? And? joe.
joe.
joe, nice to meet you.
joe, nice to meet you.
James murray.
James murray.
Hi, everyone.
Hi, everyone.
Thank you for your time and Thank you for your time and patience today.
Patience today.
We appreciate it.
We appreciate it.
can I just put this here? can I just put this here? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
these questions -- there are these questions -- there are no right or wrong answer, so No right or wrong answer, so please feel free to be honest Please feel free to be honest and we'll have a little fun.
And we'll have a little fun.
It won't take too long.
It won't take too long.
joe has got to answer all the joe has got to answer all the questions that murray wrote for Questions that murray wrote for him as his own.
Him as his own.
let's start with the first let's start with the first question.
Question.
Uh, okay.
Uh, okay.
So, what is your opinion on the So, what is your opinion on the afterlife? Afterlife? Perla, what did you write to the Perla, what did you write to the question? it's a possibility.
Great.
And, joe here we go.
And, joe here we go.
What is your opinion on here we go.
What is your opinion on the afterlife? What is your opinion on the afterlife? well, I wrote here, "after I The afterlife? well, I wrote here, "after I die, I'm coming back as well, I wrote here, "after I die, I'm coming back as beyoncé's middle finger.
" Die, I'm coming back as beyoncé's middle finger.
" [ laughter .]
Beyoncé's middle finger.
" [ laughter .]
can I ask why her middle [ laughter .]
can I ask why her middle finger? can I ask why her middle finger? well, statistically, the Finger? well, statistically, the middle finger is the most used well, statistically, the middle finger is the most used finger on your dominant hand.
Middle finger is the most used finger on your dominant hand.
I don't know if you knew that.
Finger on your dominant hand.
I don't know if you knew that.
So, that would be the one I'd I don't know if you knew that.
So, that would be the one I'd want to be, 'cause I don't want So, that would be the one I'd want to be, 'cause I don't want to be an unused finger -- Want to be, 'cause I don't want to be an unused finger -- the pinky.
To be an unused finger -- the pinky.
[ laughs .]
The pinky.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
he's putting beyoncé's middle [ laughs .]
he's putting beyoncé's middle finger right in your face right he's putting beyoncé's middle finger right in your face right now, murr.
Finger right in your face right now, murr.
[ laughs .]
Now, murr.
[ laughs .]
all right.
[ laughs .]
all right.
Let's change the tone a little all right.
Let's change the tone a little bit.
Uh, michael, have you ever served jury duty? Served jury duty? yeah.
yeah.
and, celia? and, celia? I have not.
I have not.
you have not? And, uh, joe? you have not? And, uh, joe? um, if I'm gonna be hon-- um, if I'm gonna be hon-- have I ever served a jury duty? I-I feel like everyone in this Have I ever served a jury duty? I-I feel like everyone in this room hates me.
I-I feel like everyone in this room hates me.
[ laughter .]
Room hates me.
[ laughter .]
that's what I [ laughter .]
that's what I you wrote that? That's what I you wrote that? I feel like everyone in this you wrote that? I feel like everyone in this room hates you.
I feel like everyone in this room hates you.
why would you think that Room hates you.
why would you think that everyone in the room hates you? why would you think that everyone in the room hates you? I'm not following the answer.
Everyone in the room hates you? I'm not following the answer.
well, I read people's body I'm not following the answer.
well, I read people's body language, vibes, and that was well, I read people's body language, vibes, and that was just the vibe I was getting, so Language, vibes, and that was just the vibe I was getting, so I feel like everyone in the room Just the vibe I was getting, so I feel like everyone in the room hates me.
I feel like everyone in the room hates me.
okay.
Hates me.
okay.
look at barb! Look at barb! finish this sentence.
I feel my best when I feel my best when I can help others in need.
I can help others in need.
michael, I feel my best michael, I feel my best when When I feel my best when I'm at I feel my best when I'm at work on an event.
Work on an event.
joe? joe? um um here we go! I feel my best when I'm here we go! I feel my best when I'm not in this room because this I feel my best when I'm not in this room because this guy definitely hates me.
Not in this room because this guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
Guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
michael, do -- do you mind if [ laughter .]
michael, do -- do you mind if I ask? michael, do -- do you mind if I ask? Do you hate joe for some reason? I ask? Do you hate joe for some reason? [ gong! .]
[ laughter .]
I mean, I could be wrong.
[ laughter .]
murray's playing it well now.
barbara, if you had one wish, what would it be? What would it be? to have a home that's paid to have a home that's paid for.
For.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
and, joe, if you had one and, joe, if you had one wish, what would it be? Wish, what would it be? um um [ laughter .]
If I had one wish, I wish [ laughter .]
If I had one wish, I wish I was this girl's mirror.
If I had one wish, I wish I was this girl's mirror.
[ laughter .]
I was this girl's mirror.
[ laughter .]
you wish you were her mirror? [ laughter .]
you wish you were her mirror? yes.
you wish you were her mirror? yes.
[ laughter .]
yes.
[ laughter .]
so, not money or wealth or [ laughter .]
so, not money or wealth or world peace? so, not money or wealth or world peace? You wish you were perla's World peace? You wish you were perla's mirror? You wish you were perla's mirror? you said there was no wrong Mirror? you said there was no wrong answers at the top of this, so you said there was no wrong answers at the top of this, so I'm just shooting you straight.
Answers at the top of this, so I'm just shooting you straight.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I I'm just shooting you straight.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I was this girl's mirror.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I was this girl's mirror.
oh, joe! Was this girl's mirror.
oh, joe! f.
U.
, buddy! F.
U.
! okay.
And then, finally, how do you spend your money? Do you spend your money? Perla, please? Perla, please? pay my bills and buy anything pay my bills and buy anything I want.
I want.
okay.
okay.
And, uh, celia? And, uh, celia? I have down rent, food, I have down rent, food, clothes, pet supplies, Clothes, pet supplies, charities, and then out on the Charities, and then out on the town.
Town.
out on the town? out on the town? okay.
Interesting.
Okay.
okay.
Interesting.
Okay.
And, joe, final question -- And, joe, final question -- how do you spend your money? uh, in the past, I had a wife How do you spend your money? uh, in the past, I had a wife and bichon frise spending my uh, in the past, I had a wife and bichon frise spending my money like it was coming out of And bichon frise spending my money like it was coming out of my metaphorical wiener.
Money like it was coming out of my metaphorical wiener.
[ laughter .]
My metaphorical wiener.
[ laughter .]
uh, currently, I still have my [ laughter .]
uh, currently, I still have my wife and bichon frise.
Uh, currently, I still have my wife and bichon frise.
I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Wife and bichon frise.
I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Um, ITricked out a fiat and a I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Um, ITricked out a fiat and a house with a hefty mortgage on Um, ITricked out a fiat and a house with a hefty mortgage on long island and a baby on the House with a hefty mortgage on long island and a baby on the way, and I've got no more Long island and a baby on the way, and I've got no more [bleep.]
money, basically.
Way, and I've got no more [bleep.]
money, basically.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
money, basically.
[ laughter .]
so, you spend your money on [ laughter .]
so, you spend your money on bills, and then below that, so, you spend your money on bills, and then below that, there's nothing left? Bills, and then below that, there's nothing left? nothing after that, yeah.
There's nothing left? nothing after that, yeah.
you've got no money left? nothing after that, yeah.
you've got no money left? I live, yeah, paycheck to you've got no money left? I live, yeah, paycheck to paycheck, basically.
I live, yeah, paycheck to paycheck, basically.
And this guy definitely hates Paycheck, basically.
And this guy definitely hates me.
And this guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
Me.
[ laughter .]
joe got through all of the [ laughter .]
joe got through all of the questions! joe got through all of the questions! that was one of the most Questions! that was one of the most interesting focus groups I've that was one of the most interesting focus groups I've ever participated in.
Interesting focus groups I've ever participated in.
he's a weirdo, huh? Ever participated in.
he's a weirdo, huh? [ laughter .]
he's a weirdo, huh? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
okay.
How's everybody feeling today? How's everybody feeling today? good.
good.
good? good? So, why don't we get started? So, why don't we get started? Nicole, what is one word that Nicole, what is one word that you wish people would use to You wish people would use to describe you? Describe you? passionate.
passionate.
okay.
That's great.
okay.
That's great.
jacob? jacob? a new yorker.
a new yorker.
new yorker? That's good.
new yorker? That's good.
Sal, what is one word that you Sal, what is one word that you wish people would use to Wish people would use to describe you? Describe you? here you go, sal.
here you go, sal.
I wrote "papilloma.
" one word to describe yourself -- he's got an s.
T.
D.
like, human -- Yourself -- he's got an s.
T.
D.
like, human -- I just answered very like, human -- I just answered very honestly, and I recently went I just answered very honestly, and I recently went through a little bit of a Honestly, and I recently went through a little bit of a situation.
Through a little bit of a situation.
[ laughter .]
Situation.
[ laughter .]
so, you want people to [ laughter .]
so, you want people to describe you -- "that guy sal -- so, you want people to describe you -- "that guy sal -- he's a real papilloma"? Describe you -- "that guy sal -- he's a real papilloma"? [ laughter .]
He's a real papilloma"? [ laughter .]
uh, also, uh [ laughter .]
uh, also, uh Driven.
uh, also, uh Driven.
[ laughter .]
leslie, have you ever served jury duty? Jury duty? yes, twice.
yes, twice.
yes? Oh, twice? yes? Oh, twice? yes.
yes.
okay.
Nicole? okay.
Nicole? Okay.
All right.
Uh, vincent? Okay.
All right.
Uh, vincent? yes.
Uh, vincent? yes.
yes? Uh, sal, have you ever yes.
yes? Uh, sal, have you ever served jury duty? yes? Uh, sal, have you ever served jury duty? uh, yes.
Served jury duty? uh, yes.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury uh, yes.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury duty, actually.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury duty, actually.
It was a hoot.
Duty, actually.
It was a hoot.
[ laughter .]
It was a hoot.
[ laughter .]
it was a hoot? [ laughter .]
it was a hoot? what did he do? unclear.
Unclear.
unclear? but you sent him to die.
unclear? but you sent him to die.
no, no, no.
but you sent him to die.
no, no, no.
It's -- it's -- it was -- no, no, no.
It's -- it's -- it was -- it was -- it was circumstantial.
It's -- it's -- it was -- it was -- it was circumstantial.
[ laughter .]
It was -- it was circumstantial.
[ laughter .]
you sent a man to die on an [ laughter .]
you sent a man to die on an unclear, circumstantial crime?! you sent a man to die on an unclear, circumstantial crime?! all right.
How do you give back to the community, jacob? Community, jacob? through working as a through working as a counselor.
Counselor.
okay.
Working as a counselor? okay.
Working as a counselor? Sal, how do you give back to the Sal, how do you give back to the community? Community? I go to kids' school, and I I go to kids' school, and I rap about my time that I spent in jail so they don't make the Rap about my time that I spent in jail so they don't make the same mistakes as I did.
In jail so they don't make the same mistakes as I did.
[ laughter .]
Same mistakes as I did.
[ laughter .]
give a rap.
[ laughter .]
give a rap.
yeah.
give a rap.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ beatboxing .]
all right.
[ beatboxing .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing continues .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing continues .]
[ rapping .]
don't make the [ beatboxing continues .]
[ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made don't get yourself taken out Same mistakes I made don't get yourself taken out of grade 11 and go up to don't get yourself taken out of grade 11 and go up to heaven Of grade 11 and go up to heaven look at q! Heaven look at q! He's just enjoying it! look at q! He's just enjoying it! yo, 'cause you were a fool He's just enjoying it! yo, 'cause you were a fool when you were in school yo, 'cause you were a fool when you were in school [ beatboxing stops .]
When you were in school [ beatboxing stops .]
give me five.
[ beatboxing stops .]
give me five.
[ laughter .]
Give me five.
[ laughter .]
respect.
[ laughter .]
respect.
um, well, we'll just skip to respect.
um, well, we'll just skip to one last question.
Who is your favorite celebrity, vincent? Vincent? that would be jesus christ.
that would be jesus christ.
jesus christ -- jesus christ -- favorite celebrity? Favorite celebrity? Leslie, favorite celebrity? Leslie, favorite celebrity? the person I came up with was the person I came up with was amy adams.
Amy adams.
amy adams? Oh, she's great.
amy adams? Oh, she's great.
Sal, who is your favorite Sal, who is your favorite celebrity? Celebrity? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
who is jaden smith? who is jaden smith? jaden smith is will smith's son.
jaden smith is will smith's son.
q, I can't believe you're Son.
q, I can't believe you're going there.
q, I can't believe you're going there.
[ laughter .]
Going there.
[ laughter .]
is there anything else? [ laughter .]
is there anything else? no, that's all I wrote.
is there anything else? no, that's all I wrote.
'cause it looks like it no, that's all I wrote.
'cause it looks like it goes on.
'cause it looks like it goes on.
you got to read it, sal.
Goes on.
you got to read it, sal.
uh, I have a tattoo of him on you got to read it, sal.
uh, I have a tattoo of him on my thigh.
321.
[ laughter .]
you put will smith's son on [ laughter .]
you put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thigh! you put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thigh! could you My [bleep.]
thigh! could you well, if you wanted to see could you well, if you wanted to see it, I could show it, but I well, if you wanted to see it, I could show it, but I didn't think that would be It, I could show it, but I didn't think that would be appropriate, so I'm not gonna Didn't think that would be appropriate, so I'm not gonna show it.
Appropriate, so I'm not gonna show it.
I want to see it.
Show it.
I want to see it.
[ laughter .]
I want to see it.
[ laughter .]
yeah, let me see.
[ laughter .]
yeah, let me see.
it's just on my leg.
Yeah, let me see.
it's just on my leg.
It's just a tattoo of it's just on my leg.
It's just a tattoo of jaden smith.
It's just a tattoo of jaden smith.
It's nothing bad.
Jaden smith.
It's nothing bad.
okay.
Wow.
It's nothing bad.
okay.
Wow.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Wow.
[ laughter .]
he doesn't want to see it.
[ laughter .]
he doesn't want to see it.
you are not kidding.
he doesn't want to see it.
you are not kidding.
That's a photorealistic tattoo you are not kidding.
That's a photorealistic tattoo of jaden smith.
That's a photorealistic tattoo of jaden smith.
look at his face! I thought he was [bleep.]
too.
[ ding! .]
uh, good work.
[ ding! .]
uh, good work.
All right.
Uh, good work.
All right.
Well, guys, thank you so much.
All right.
Well, guys, thank you so much.
[ buzzer .]
Well, guys, thank you so much.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: No question about [ buzzer .]
narrator: No question about it -- q and murr are first up on narrator: No question about it -- q and murr are first up on the loser board.
It -- q and murr are first up on the loser board.
today we're at The loser board.
today we're at fairway supermarket, going today we're at fairway supermarket, going head-to-head playing a game we Fairway supermarket, going head-to-head playing a game we call "stock boy shootout.
" Head-to-head playing a game we call "stock boy shootout.
" once a shopper enters the Call "stock boy shootout.
" once a shopper enters the playing field, we'll alternate once a shopper enters the playing field, we'll alternate turns trying to shoot these Playing field, we'll alternate turns trying to shoot these toilet-paper rolls into their Turns trying to shoot these toilet-paper rolls into their cart.
whoever gets the least amount in before the shopper leaves the In before the shopper leaves the playing field loses.
Playing field loses.
ready? Shoot! ready? Shoot! [ clattering .]
[ clattering .]
[ laughter .]
let the games begin.
ba-da-ba! ba-da-ba! watch it! watch it! so, here we go.
so, here we go.
Whenever a cart from a shopper Whenever a cart from a shopper goes in between those two green Goes in between those two green lines, it's open season on Lines, it's open season on shooting from both sides.
Shooting from both sides.
somebody enters the hot zone, somebody enters the hot zone, the game starts.
The game starts.
Best 2 out of 3.
all right! My money's on murr! My money's on murr! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
we're in.
Here we go! look at this guy! He's like, "what's going on?" He's like, "what's going on?" oh, my god! That's insane! Oh, my god! That's insane! Murray hit it! It's tied up! Murray hit it! It's tied up! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Ohh! Murray hits it! Ohh! Murray hits it! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this guy's day is now this! yes! I can't believe he's letting I can't believe he's letting them just sit there -- Them just sit there -- he's letting them tee off on he's letting them tee off on it! It! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
he's shopping for peppers.
he's shopping for peppers.
yes! yes! oh, my god! holy -- the whole thing is filled! Filled! [ laughing .]
wow! [ laughing .]
wow! this guy's had enough.
this guy's had enough.
The tide's a-turnin'.
The tide's a-turnin'.
keep going! keep going! Don't cross that line! Don't cross that line! sir! Sir! Sir! sir! Sir! Sir! Come on! Come on! Ohhh! Ohhh! murray gets it! murray gets it! Murray takes it! Wow! Murray takes it! Wow! off the rim! Off the rim! off the rim! Off the rim! that was bad.
that was bad.
tough, buddy.
Tough loss.
tough, buddy.
Tough loss.
oh, my god.
Here we go.
oh, my god.
Here we go.
Q, it's best 2 out of 3.
Q, it's best 2 out of 3.
You have to win this one.
Oh, my god! 1-0.
ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
ohhhhh! ohhhhh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
he's just standing there! he's just standing there! [ laughter .]
aah! Murray missed! You got it! You got it! Murr got it! Murr got it! ohh! He's waiting for it! ohh! He's waiting for it! [ laughter .]
the guy dropped it.
he's taking shrapnel! he's taking shrapnel! I love this guy! I love this guy! He's trying to get 'em out! He's trying to get 'em out! He's trying He's trying [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! oh! He's almost out! oh! He's almost out! go, murray, go! go, murray, go! And he's out! And he's out! Ohhhh! Q wins it! Ohhhh! Q wins it! wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w! wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w! that was a nail-biter.
that was a nail-biter.
that was back and forth! that was back and forth! Holy! Holy! wow.
wow.
1-1! 1-1! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! ooh, it's a minibasket.
ooh, it's a minibasket.
This is hard.
This is hard.
We're all tied up here, fellas.
We're all tied up here, fellas.
Whoever takes this one wins.
oh, q! she stopped! she stopped! Tied 1-1! Tied 1-1! no, no! no, no! ahh! ahh! yeah! I'm up! I'm up! murray's up! come on! come on! ohhh! No good! ohhh! No good! ohh-ho-ho-ho! ohh-ho-ho-ho! all right.
all right.
it's like two larry birds! it's like two larry birds! the whole court is -- the whole court is -- look at all the toilet paper! look at all the toilet paper! She's standing there, watching! She's standing there, watching! She's standing there watching! She's standing there watching! Ohhh! Ohhh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! this is my last one.
this is my last one.
it's my one last one, too.
it's my one last one, too.
this is their last toilet this is their last toilet papers! Papers! This is it! This is it! here we go.
here we go.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
murray's up.
murray's up.
she's letting them play! she's letting them play! She's letting them play! She's letting them play! does she have nowhere to be? Ohh! murray's got to make it! murray's got to make it! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! He did! Yeah! He did! Yeah! and there you have it! and there you have it! Live from fairway, james murray Live from fairway, james murray takes it home! Takes it home! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! it's unbelievable! it's unbelievable! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I've never seen a stock boy I've never seen a stock boy shootout like this in my life! Shootout like this in my life! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
ohhh! ohhh! [ blows .]
[ blows .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that was insane! that was insane! wow! wow! here's our bowlers.
here's our bowlers.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
stretch it out.
stretch it out.
who's your money on? who's your money on? my money's on joe.
my money's on joe.
joe? joe? yeah.
yeah.
no-look.
no-look.
he got it in?! he got it in?! whoa! whoa! this is my game, boys.
sal! You suck! Oh, here we go! Oh, here we go! She's in the field! She's in the field! She's in the field! She's in the field! she's in play! she's in play! ohh! ohh! 1! 1! oh! There we go! oh! There we go! 2! 2! oh, and here joe goes! oh, and here joe goes! Ohh! Ohh! What the hell? What the hell? Ohh! She batted it! Ohh! She batted it! Ohh! Ohh! Joe's in! Sal answers! Joe's in! Sal answers! Joe returns it! Joe returns it! Sal! You're getting blocked! Sal! You're getting blocked! Joe's just dropping 'em in! Joe's just dropping 'em in! Sal, you can't keep up! Sal, you can't keep up! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! there you go -- there you go -- right that way.
Right that way.
ohhh! ohhh! ohh! ohh! nicely done, joe! nicely done, joe! wow! Joe gatto takes round 1! wow! Joe gatto takes round 1! 2 out of 3, baby boy! 2 out of 3, baby boy! I'm gonna flush you like this I'm gonna flush you like this paper.
[ laughs .]
sal.
all right.
all right.
ohh! ohh! uh-oh! Here we go! uh-oh! Here we go! joe's up 1-0.
Sal.
joe's up 1-0.
Sal.
do or die, sal! do or die, sal! Do or die, sally! Do or die, sally! Ohh! Sal's in! Ohh! Sal's in! ohh-ho-ho! ohh-ho-ho! oh, joey! Ohh! oh, joey! Ohh! ohh! ohh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
he got the assist! he got the assist! He got the assist! He got the assist! ohh! ohh! ohhhhhhh! ohhhhhhh! joe! joe! ohh! ohh! ohhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhh! Come on, buddy! Get it! Come on, buddy! Get it! Get it, get it, buddy! Get it, get it, buddy! Aaaah! Aaaah! oh, good shot.
oh, good shot.
That was really good.
That was really good.
his cart's almost outside the his cart's almost outside the green line.
Green line.
sal needs this one to win! sal needs this one to win! go! go! ohhhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhh! that was awesome! that was awesome! wow, sal! wow, sal! sal for the win! sal for the win! joey, what happened?! joey, what happened?! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
it's all tied up.
it's all tied up.
It comes down to this, It comes down to this, gentlemen.
Gentlemen.
This is sudden death.
This is sudden death.
hi.
How are you? hi.
How are you? hey! hey! ohh! ohh! whoa! whoa! nailed it! nailed it! oh, look! Over here! oh, look! Over here! Here I am! Here I am! Here I am! Here I am! Here I go! Here I go! Here I go! Here I go! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohhh! ohhh! Bring it back! Bring it back! Bring it back! Bring it back! no, sir! No, sir! no, sir! No, sir! ohhh! ohhh! sal's in the lead! sal's in the lead! ah, there we go! ah, there we go! joe is not taking it lying joe is not taking it lying down! Down! No, sir! No, sir! yeah! It's tied up! yeah! It's tied up! sal's got 4! sal's got 4! sal.
sal.
ohhh! What a shot! ohhh! What a shot! oh-ho! oh-ho! Hey, she's given up, but her Hey, she's given up, but her cart is still in.
Cart is still in.
Keep playing, guys.
Keep playing, guys.
[ laughing .]
she's just [ laughing .]
she's just staring at them! Staring at them! [ laughter .]
what is going on? They're just tolerating you at They're just tolerating you at this point.
This point.
this could go all night.
this could go all night.
all right.
all right.
It's a tie.
It's a tie.
let's chalk it up to a tie, It's a tie.
It's a tie.
let's chalk it up to a tie, man.
let's chalk it up to a tie, man.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
Man.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
that wasn't a tie.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
that wasn't a tie.
That was a gift.
that wasn't a tie.
That was a gift.
[ ding! .]
That was a gift.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Q got flushed, so [ laughter .]
narrator: Q got flushed, so he's tonight's big loser.
narrator: Q got flushed, so he's tonight's big loser.
q lost, and if there's one He's tonight's big loser.
q lost, and if there's one thing he loves as much as his q lost, and if there's one thing he loves as much as his cats, it's his jeep! Thing he loves as much as his cats, it's his jeep! that's right! Cats, it's his jeep! that's right! And we can't legally destroy his that's right! And we can't legally destroy his cats, so we're gonna destroy his And we can't legally destroy his cats, so we're gonna destroy his jeep! Cats, so we're gonna destroy his jeep! who is that guy?! Jeep! who is that guy?! we hired stunt driver to take who is that guy?! we hired stunt driver to take you around this obstacle course we hired stunt driver to take you around this obstacle course while you have to eat a full You around this obstacle course while you have to eat a full meal in the back seat.
While you have to eat a full meal in the back seat.
are you gonna flip this Meal in the back seat.
are you gonna flip this thing? That's not -- that's not what I wanted.
Why did you tell me to wear a That's not what I wanted.
Why did you tell me to wear a tie and a shirt for this? Why did you tell me to wear a tie and a shirt for this? this is a fancy 3-course Tie and a shirt for this? this is a fancy 3-course meal.
this is a fancy 3-course meal.
yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
Meal.
yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
you have to finish all the yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
you have to finish all the courses while racecar bob is you have to finish all the courses while racecar bob is flying around the track.
Courses while racecar bob is flying around the track.
we know it's my car.
Flying around the track.
we know it's my car.
Just nice and easy.
we know it's my car.
Just nice and easy.
This is the only major purchase Just nice and easy.
This is the only major purchase I've made in my life.
This is the only major purchase I've made in my life.
you look scared.
I've made in my life.
you look scared.
it's my car! I'm scared! you look scared.
it's my car! I'm scared! excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
it's my car! I'm scared! excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
yeah? excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
yeah? your first course is being yeah? your first course is being served.
your first course is being served.
here's your appetizer -- Served.
here's your appetizer -- delicious soup! here's your appetizer -- delicious soup! bon appétit! Delicious soup! bon appétit! I can't even physically eat bon appétit! I can't even physically eat this much soup! I can't even physically eat this much soup! gentlemen, start your This much soup! gentlemen, start your engines! gentlemen, start your engines! racecar bob, be nice.
Engines! racecar bob, be nice.
on your marksGet set racecar bob, be nice.
on your marksGet set [ tone sounds .]
on your marksGet set [ tone sounds .]
Blocka, blocka, blocka! [ tone sounds .]
Blocka, blocka, blocka! oh, this is pretty easy so Blocka, blocka, blocka! oh, this is pretty easy so far, bud.
oh, this is pretty easy so far, bud.
It's not a pro-- Far, bud.
It's not a pro-- [ laughter .]
[bleep.]
racecar bob [ laughter .]
Racecar bob [ laughter .]
my seatbelt! [ laughter .]
my seatbelt! try to eat! Try to eat! [ laughter .]
stop! Racecar bob! Oww! stop! Racecar bob! Oww! [ laughter .]
Oww! [ laughter .]
ohh! Oh, my god! [ laughter .]
ohh! Oh, my god! please comment -- Ohh! Oh, my god! please comment -- the first course.
please comment -- the first course.
I'm gonna throw up already.
The first course.
I'm gonna throw up already.
We just got started.
I'm gonna throw up already.
We just got started.
[ laughter .]
We just got started.
[ laughter .]
ohhhh.
[ laughter .]
ohhhh.
the second course will be Ohhhh.
the second course will be right out.
the second course will be right out.
yeah.
Right out.
yeah.
come on.
yeah.
come on.
Oh, my god.
come on.
Oh, my god.
There's food everywhere! Oh, my god.
There's food everywhere! look at your body! There's food everywhere! look at your body! my body I can wash! look at your body! my body I can wash! My car's all jacked! my body I can wash! My car's all jacked! okay, bud.
My car's all jacked! okay, bud.
I'll take this soup from you.
okay, bud.
I'll take this soup from you.
your margarita.
I'll take this soup from you.
your margarita.
[ laughing .]
come on! your margarita.
[ laughing .]
come on! Oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
come on! Oh, my god.
a full taco bar with all the Oh, my god.
a full taco bar with all the fixins, sir.
a full taco bar with all the fixins, sir.
it's mexican night! Fixins, sir.
it's mexican night! [ laughs .]
it's mexican night! [ laughs .]
he's got a taco bar in his [ laughs .]
he's got a taco bar in his crotch! He's got a taco bar in his crotch! thank you.
Crotch! thank you.
[ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
thank you.
[ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
on your marks, get set [ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
on your marks, get set Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! on your marks, get set Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! go! Go! Go! Go! Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! go! Go! Go! Go! [ laughter .]
go! Go! Go! Go! [ laughter .]
try to make that taco, bud.
make a ta-- [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he just pours it out.
He just pours it out.
go, bob, go! go, bob, go! bob, why would you -- bob, why would you -- no, no, bob.
No, no, bob.
together: Make that taco! together: Make that taco! [ clapping rhythmically .]
[ clapping rhythmically .]
make that taco! Make that taco! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
bob, what are you doing?! bob, what are you doing?! Ohh! No! Ohh! No! Guys, I'm gonna throw up.
No! Guys, I'm gonna throw up.
I'm not kidding.
look at his face! He's got a thousand-yard stare on right now.
He's got a thousand-yard stare on right now.
[ laughter .]
On right now.
[ laughter .]
he's a broken man.
Tacos aren't bad.
[ laughter .]
sir, you had one other party [ laughter .]
sir, you had one other party joining you for dinner tonight.
sir, you had one other party joining you for dinner tonight.
one other party? Joining you for dinner tonight.
one other party? no.
No.
one other party? no.
No.
who's your guest? no.
No.
who's your guest? I don't have anybody who's your guest? I don't have anybody joining me.
I don't have anybody joining me.
it's sloppy joe.
Joining me.
it's sloppy joe.
oh, my god.
it's sloppy joe.
oh, my god.
What is this? oh, my god.
What is this? No! No! What is this? No! No! q, you wanted a sloppy joe? No! No! q, you wanted a sloppy joe? [ laughter .]
q, you wanted a sloppy joe? [ laughter .]
pardon me.
[ laughter .]
pardon me.
ohhh! pardon me.
ohhh! Ohhh! ohhh! Ohhh! ohh! What is your story?! Ohhh! ohh! What is your story?! q wanted sloppy joe.
ohh! What is your story?! q wanted sloppy joe.
yes! Yes! q wanted sloppy joe.
yes! Yes! what are you doing?! yes! Yes! what are you doing?! go, racecar bob, go! what are you doing?! go, racecar bob, go! [ engine revs .]
go, racecar bob, go! [ engine revs .]
no! Oh, god! [ engine revs .]
no! Oh, god! it's on his nose.
no! Oh, god! it's on his nose.
oh, my god! it's on his nose.
oh, my god! What is wrong with you?! oh, my god! What is wrong with you?! Aaaaaaaaah! What is wrong with you?! Aaaaaaaaah! Ohhhhhhh! Aaaaaaaaah! Ohhhhhhh! your driver.
Ohhhhhhh! your driver.
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! your driver.
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! [ laughter .]
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! [ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
there you go, buddy.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
There you go.
You did it.
There you go.
You did it.
You did it.
You did it.
wow! wow! look at him.
look at him.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
q, you want some dessert? q, you want some dessert? no more, guys, please.
no more, guys, please.
way to go, racecar bob! way to go, racecar bob! yeah! yeah! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ugh.
C.
Sal? [ rapping .]
don't make the It rhyme time for m.
C.
Sal? [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ laughter .]
narrator: Does murr got game? ohh! ohh! narrator: And which losing narrator: And which losing joker will be taken for a ride in tonight's punishment? Joker will be taken for a ride in tonight's punishment? prepare for something In tonight's punishment? prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today one of us will be moderating a focus group.
and another one of us will be Moderating a focus group.
and another one of us will be participating in that same and another one of us will be participating in that same group.
Participating in that same group.
the participant must read all Group.
the participant must read all the answers on the survey.
The thing is, his completely embarrassing answers have been Embarrassing answers have been written by the moderator.
Written by the moderator.
if you can't read every if you can't read every answer in its entirety, you Answer in its entirety, you lose.
Lose.
That was -- that was solid.
That was -- that was solid.
that was well done sir, james.
Michael, nice to meet you.
Michael, nice to meet you.
And? And? joe.
joe.
joe, nice to meet you.
joe, nice to meet you.
James murray.
James murray.
Hi, everyone.
Hi, everyone.
Thank you for your time and Thank you for your time and patience today.
Patience today.
We appreciate it.
We appreciate it.
can I just put this here? can I just put this here? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
these questions -- there are these questions -- there are no right or wrong answer, so No right or wrong answer, so please feel free to be honest Please feel free to be honest and we'll have a little fun.
And we'll have a little fun.
It won't take too long.
It won't take too long.
joe has got to answer all the joe has got to answer all the questions that murray wrote for Questions that murray wrote for him as his own.
Him as his own.
let's start with the first let's start with the first question.
Question.
Uh, okay.
Uh, okay.
So, what is your opinion on the So, what is your opinion on the afterlife? Afterlife? Perla, what did you write to the Perla, what did you write to the question? it's a possibility.
Great.
And, joe here we go.
And, joe here we go.
What is your opinion on here we go.
What is your opinion on the afterlife? What is your opinion on the afterlife? well, I wrote here, "after I The afterlife? well, I wrote here, "after I die, I'm coming back as well, I wrote here, "after I die, I'm coming back as beyoncé's middle finger.
" Die, I'm coming back as beyoncé's middle finger.
" [ laughter .]
Beyoncé's middle finger.
" [ laughter .]
can I ask why her middle [ laughter .]
can I ask why her middle finger? can I ask why her middle finger? well, statistically, the Finger? well, statistically, the middle finger is the most used well, statistically, the middle finger is the most used finger on your dominant hand.
Middle finger is the most used finger on your dominant hand.
I don't know if you knew that.
Finger on your dominant hand.
I don't know if you knew that.
So, that would be the one I'd I don't know if you knew that.
So, that would be the one I'd want to be, 'cause I don't want So, that would be the one I'd want to be, 'cause I don't want to be an unused finger -- Want to be, 'cause I don't want to be an unused finger -- the pinky.
To be an unused finger -- the pinky.
[ laughs .]
The pinky.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
put a ring on it.
[ laughs .]
he's putting beyoncé's middle [ laughs .]
he's putting beyoncé's middle finger right in your face right he's putting beyoncé's middle finger right in your face right now, murr.
Finger right in your face right now, murr.
[ laughs .]
Now, murr.
[ laughs .]
all right.
[ laughs .]
all right.
Let's change the tone a little all right.
Let's change the tone a little bit.
Uh, michael, have you ever served jury duty? Served jury duty? yeah.
yeah.
and, celia? and, celia? I have not.
I have not.
you have not? And, uh, joe? you have not? And, uh, joe? um, if I'm gonna be hon-- um, if I'm gonna be hon-- have I ever served a jury duty? I-I feel like everyone in this Have I ever served a jury duty? I-I feel like everyone in this room hates me.
I-I feel like everyone in this room hates me.
[ laughter .]
Room hates me.
[ laughter .]
that's what I [ laughter .]
that's what I you wrote that? That's what I you wrote that? I feel like everyone in this you wrote that? I feel like everyone in this room hates you.
I feel like everyone in this room hates you.
why would you think that Room hates you.
why would you think that everyone in the room hates you? why would you think that everyone in the room hates you? I'm not following the answer.
Everyone in the room hates you? I'm not following the answer.
well, I read people's body I'm not following the answer.
well, I read people's body language, vibes, and that was well, I read people's body language, vibes, and that was just the vibe I was getting, so Language, vibes, and that was just the vibe I was getting, so I feel like everyone in the room Just the vibe I was getting, so I feel like everyone in the room hates me.
I feel like everyone in the room hates me.
okay.
Hates me.
okay.
look at barb! Look at barb! finish this sentence.
I feel my best when I feel my best when I can help others in need.
I can help others in need.
michael, I feel my best michael, I feel my best when When I feel my best when I'm at I feel my best when I'm at work on an event.
Work on an event.
joe? joe? um um here we go! I feel my best when I'm here we go! I feel my best when I'm not in this room because this I feel my best when I'm not in this room because this guy definitely hates me.
Not in this room because this guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
Guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
michael, do -- do you mind if [ laughter .]
michael, do -- do you mind if I ask? michael, do -- do you mind if I ask? Do you hate joe for some reason? I ask? Do you hate joe for some reason? [ gong! .]
[ laughter .]
I mean, I could be wrong.
[ laughter .]
murray's playing it well now.
barbara, if you had one wish, what would it be? What would it be? to have a home that's paid to have a home that's paid for.
For.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
and, joe, if you had one and, joe, if you had one wish, what would it be? Wish, what would it be? um um [ laughter .]
If I had one wish, I wish [ laughter .]
If I had one wish, I wish I was this girl's mirror.
If I had one wish, I wish I was this girl's mirror.
[ laughter .]
I was this girl's mirror.
[ laughter .]
you wish you were her mirror? [ laughter .]
you wish you were her mirror? yes.
you wish you were her mirror? yes.
[ laughter .]
yes.
[ laughter .]
so, not money or wealth or [ laughter .]
so, not money or wealth or world peace? so, not money or wealth or world peace? You wish you were perla's World peace? You wish you were perla's mirror? You wish you were perla's mirror? you said there was no wrong Mirror? you said there was no wrong answers at the top of this, so you said there was no wrong answers at the top of this, so I'm just shooting you straight.
Answers at the top of this, so I'm just shooting you straight.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I I'm just shooting you straight.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I was this girl's mirror.
If I had one wish, I'd wish I was this girl's mirror.
oh, joe! Was this girl's mirror.
oh, joe! f.
U.
, buddy! F.
U.
! okay.
And then, finally, how do you spend your money? Do you spend your money? Perla, please? Perla, please? pay my bills and buy anything pay my bills and buy anything I want.
I want.
okay.
okay.
And, uh, celia? And, uh, celia? I have down rent, food, I have down rent, food, clothes, pet supplies, Clothes, pet supplies, charities, and then out on the Charities, and then out on the town.
Town.
out on the town? out on the town? okay.
Interesting.
Okay.
okay.
Interesting.
Okay.
And, joe, final question -- And, joe, final question -- how do you spend your money? uh, in the past, I had a wife How do you spend your money? uh, in the past, I had a wife and bichon frise spending my uh, in the past, I had a wife and bichon frise spending my money like it was coming out of And bichon frise spending my money like it was coming out of my metaphorical wiener.
Money like it was coming out of my metaphorical wiener.
[ laughter .]
My metaphorical wiener.
[ laughter .]
uh, currently, I still have my [ laughter .]
uh, currently, I still have my wife and bichon frise.
Uh, currently, I still have my wife and bichon frise.
I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Wife and bichon frise.
I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Um, ITricked out a fiat and a I bought a cockapoo, as well.
Um, ITricked out a fiat and a house with a hefty mortgage on Um, ITricked out a fiat and a house with a hefty mortgage on long island and a baby on the House with a hefty mortgage on long island and a baby on the way, and I've got no more Long island and a baby on the way, and I've got no more [bleep.]
money, basically.
Way, and I've got no more [bleep.]
money, basically.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
money, basically.
[ laughter .]
so, you spend your money on [ laughter .]
so, you spend your money on bills, and then below that, so, you spend your money on bills, and then below that, there's nothing left? Bills, and then below that, there's nothing left? nothing after that, yeah.
There's nothing left? nothing after that, yeah.
you've got no money left? nothing after that, yeah.
you've got no money left? I live, yeah, paycheck to you've got no money left? I live, yeah, paycheck to paycheck, basically.
I live, yeah, paycheck to paycheck, basically.
And this guy definitely hates Paycheck, basically.
And this guy definitely hates me.
And this guy definitely hates me.
[ laughter .]
Me.
[ laughter .]
joe got through all of the [ laughter .]
joe got through all of the questions! joe got through all of the questions! that was one of the most Questions! that was one of the most interesting focus groups I've that was one of the most interesting focus groups I've ever participated in.
Interesting focus groups I've ever participated in.
he's a weirdo, huh? Ever participated in.
he's a weirdo, huh? [ laughter .]
he's a weirdo, huh? [ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
okay.
How's everybody feeling today? How's everybody feeling today? good.
good.
good? good? So, why don't we get started? So, why don't we get started? Nicole, what is one word that Nicole, what is one word that you wish people would use to You wish people would use to describe you? Describe you? passionate.
passionate.
okay.
That's great.
okay.
That's great.
jacob? jacob? a new yorker.
a new yorker.
new yorker? That's good.
new yorker? That's good.
Sal, what is one word that you Sal, what is one word that you wish people would use to Wish people would use to describe you? Describe you? here you go, sal.
here you go, sal.
I wrote "papilloma.
" one word to describe yourself -- he's got an s.
T.
D.
like, human -- Yourself -- he's got an s.
T.
D.
like, human -- I just answered very like, human -- I just answered very honestly, and I recently went I just answered very honestly, and I recently went through a little bit of a Honestly, and I recently went through a little bit of a situation.
Through a little bit of a situation.
[ laughter .]
Situation.
[ laughter .]
so, you want people to [ laughter .]
so, you want people to describe you -- "that guy sal -- so, you want people to describe you -- "that guy sal -- he's a real papilloma"? Describe you -- "that guy sal -- he's a real papilloma"? [ laughter .]
He's a real papilloma"? [ laughter .]
uh, also, uh [ laughter .]
uh, also, uh Driven.
uh, also, uh Driven.
[ laughter .]
leslie, have you ever served jury duty? Jury duty? yes, twice.
yes, twice.
yes? Oh, twice? yes? Oh, twice? yes.
yes.
okay.
Nicole? okay.
Nicole? Okay.
All right.
Uh, vincent? Okay.
All right.
Uh, vincent? yes.
Uh, vincent? yes.
yes? Uh, sal, have you ever yes.
yes? Uh, sal, have you ever served jury duty? yes? Uh, sal, have you ever served jury duty? uh, yes.
Served jury duty? uh, yes.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury uh, yes.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury duty, actually.
Uh, I sent a man to die in jury duty, actually.
It was a hoot.
Duty, actually.
It was a hoot.
[ laughter .]
It was a hoot.
[ laughter .]
it was a hoot? [ laughter .]
it was a hoot? what did he do? unclear.
Unclear.
unclear? but you sent him to die.
unclear? but you sent him to die.
no, no, no.
but you sent him to die.
no, no, no.
It's -- it's -- it was -- no, no, no.
It's -- it's -- it was -- it was -- it was circumstantial.
It's -- it's -- it was -- it was -- it was circumstantial.
[ laughter .]
It was -- it was circumstantial.
[ laughter .]
you sent a man to die on an [ laughter .]
you sent a man to die on an unclear, circumstantial crime?! you sent a man to die on an unclear, circumstantial crime?! all right.
How do you give back to the community, jacob? Community, jacob? through working as a through working as a counselor.
Counselor.
okay.
Working as a counselor? okay.
Working as a counselor? Sal, how do you give back to the Sal, how do you give back to the community? Community? I go to kids' school, and I I go to kids' school, and I rap about my time that I spent in jail so they don't make the Rap about my time that I spent in jail so they don't make the same mistakes as I did.
In jail so they don't make the same mistakes as I did.
[ laughter .]
Same mistakes as I did.
[ laughter .]
give a rap.
[ laughter .]
give a rap.
yeah.
give a rap.
yeah.
[ laughter .]
yeah.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ laughter .]
all right.
[ beatboxing .]
all right.
[ beatboxing .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing continues .]
that guy's helping him out! [ beatboxing continues .]
[ rapping .]
don't make the [ beatboxing continues .]
[ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made [ rapping .]
don't make the same mistakes I made don't get yourself taken out Same mistakes I made don't get yourself taken out of grade 11 and go up to don't get yourself taken out of grade 11 and go up to heaven Of grade 11 and go up to heaven look at q! Heaven look at q! He's just enjoying it! look at q! He's just enjoying it! yo, 'cause you were a fool He's just enjoying it! yo, 'cause you were a fool when you were in school yo, 'cause you were a fool when you were in school [ beatboxing stops .]
When you were in school [ beatboxing stops .]
give me five.
[ beatboxing stops .]
give me five.
[ laughter .]
Give me five.
[ laughter .]
respect.
[ laughter .]
respect.
um, well, we'll just skip to respect.
um, well, we'll just skip to one last question.
Who is your favorite celebrity, vincent? Vincent? that would be jesus christ.
that would be jesus christ.
jesus christ -- jesus christ -- favorite celebrity? Favorite celebrity? Leslie, favorite celebrity? Leslie, favorite celebrity? the person I came up with was the person I came up with was amy adams.
Amy adams.
amy adams? Oh, she's great.
amy adams? Oh, she's great.
Sal, who is your favorite Sal, who is your favorite celebrity? Celebrity? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
who is jaden smith? who is jaden smith? jaden smith is will smith's son.
jaden smith is will smith's son.
q, I can't believe you're Son.
q, I can't believe you're going there.
q, I can't believe you're going there.
[ laughter .]
Going there.
[ laughter .]
is there anything else? [ laughter .]
is there anything else? no, that's all I wrote.
is there anything else? no, that's all I wrote.
'cause it looks like it no, that's all I wrote.
'cause it looks like it goes on.
'cause it looks like it goes on.
you got to read it, sal.
Goes on.
you got to read it, sal.
uh, I have a tattoo of him on you got to read it, sal.
uh, I have a tattoo of him on my thigh.
321.
[ laughter .]
you put will smith's son on [ laughter .]
you put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thigh! you put will smith's son on my [bleep.]
thigh! could you My [bleep.]
thigh! could you well, if you wanted to see could you well, if you wanted to see it, I could show it, but I well, if you wanted to see it, I could show it, but I didn't think that would be It, I could show it, but I didn't think that would be appropriate, so I'm not gonna Didn't think that would be appropriate, so I'm not gonna show it.
Appropriate, so I'm not gonna show it.
I want to see it.
Show it.
I want to see it.
[ laughter .]
I want to see it.
[ laughter .]
yeah, let me see.
[ laughter .]
yeah, let me see.
it's just on my leg.
Yeah, let me see.
it's just on my leg.
It's just a tattoo of it's just on my leg.
It's just a tattoo of jaden smith.
It's just a tattoo of jaden smith.
It's nothing bad.
Jaden smith.
It's nothing bad.
okay.
Wow.
It's nothing bad.
okay.
Wow.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Wow.
[ laughter .]
he doesn't want to see it.
[ laughter .]
he doesn't want to see it.
you are not kidding.
he doesn't want to see it.
you are not kidding.
That's a photorealistic tattoo you are not kidding.
That's a photorealistic tattoo of jaden smith.
That's a photorealistic tattoo of jaden smith.
look at his face! I thought he was [bleep.]
too.
[ ding! .]
uh, good work.
[ ding! .]
uh, good work.
All right.
Uh, good work.
All right.
Well, guys, thank you so much.
All right.
Well, guys, thank you so much.
[ buzzer .]
Well, guys, thank you so much.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: No question about [ buzzer .]
narrator: No question about it -- q and murr are first up on narrator: No question about it -- q and murr are first up on the loser board.
It -- q and murr are first up on the loser board.
today we're at The loser board.
today we're at fairway supermarket, going today we're at fairway supermarket, going head-to-head playing a game we Fairway supermarket, going head-to-head playing a game we call "stock boy shootout.
" Head-to-head playing a game we call "stock boy shootout.
" once a shopper enters the Call "stock boy shootout.
" once a shopper enters the playing field, we'll alternate once a shopper enters the playing field, we'll alternate turns trying to shoot these Playing field, we'll alternate turns trying to shoot these toilet-paper rolls into their Turns trying to shoot these toilet-paper rolls into their cart.
whoever gets the least amount in before the shopper leaves the In before the shopper leaves the playing field loses.
Playing field loses.
ready? Shoot! ready? Shoot! [ clattering .]
[ clattering .]
[ laughter .]
let the games begin.
ba-da-ba! ba-da-ba! watch it! watch it! so, here we go.
so, here we go.
Whenever a cart from a shopper Whenever a cart from a shopper goes in between those two green Goes in between those two green lines, it's open season on Lines, it's open season on shooting from both sides.
Shooting from both sides.
somebody enters the hot zone, somebody enters the hot zone, the game starts.
The game starts.
Best 2 out of 3.
all right! My money's on murr! My money's on murr! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
we're in.
Here we go! look at this guy! He's like, "what's going on?" He's like, "what's going on?" oh, my god! That's insane! Oh, my god! That's insane! Murray hit it! It's tied up! Murray hit it! It's tied up! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Ohh! Murray hits it! Ohh! Murray hits it! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this guy's day is now this! yes! I can't believe he's letting I can't believe he's letting them just sit there -- Them just sit there -- he's letting them tee off on he's letting them tee off on it! It! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
he's shopping for peppers.
he's shopping for peppers.
yes! yes! oh, my god! holy -- the whole thing is filled! Filled! [ laughing .]
wow! [ laughing .]
wow! this guy's had enough.
this guy's had enough.
The tide's a-turnin'.
The tide's a-turnin'.
keep going! keep going! Don't cross that line! Don't cross that line! sir! Sir! Sir! sir! Sir! Sir! Come on! Come on! Ohhh! Ohhh! murray gets it! murray gets it! Murray takes it! Wow! Murray takes it! Wow! off the rim! Off the rim! off the rim! Off the rim! that was bad.
that was bad.
tough, buddy.
Tough loss.
tough, buddy.
Tough loss.
oh, my god.
Here we go.
oh, my god.
Here we go.
Q, it's best 2 out of 3.
Q, it's best 2 out of 3.
You have to win this one.
Oh, my god! 1-0.
ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
ohhhhh! ohhhhh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
he's just standing there! he's just standing there! [ laughter .]
aah! Murray missed! You got it! You got it! Murr got it! Murr got it! ohh! He's waiting for it! ohh! He's waiting for it! [ laughter .]
the guy dropped it.
he's taking shrapnel! he's taking shrapnel! I love this guy! I love this guy! He's trying to get 'em out! He's trying to get 'em out! He's trying He's trying [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! oh! He's almost out! oh! He's almost out! go, murray, go! go, murray, go! And he's out! And he's out! Ohhhh! Q wins it! Ohhhh! Q wins it! wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w! wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-w! that was a nail-biter.
that was a nail-biter.
that was back and forth! that was back and forth! Holy! Holy! wow.
wow.
1-1! 1-1! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! ooh, it's a minibasket.
ooh, it's a minibasket.
This is hard.
This is hard.
We're all tied up here, fellas.
We're all tied up here, fellas.
Whoever takes this one wins.
oh, q! she stopped! she stopped! Tied 1-1! Tied 1-1! no, no! no, no! ahh! ahh! yeah! I'm up! I'm up! murray's up! come on! come on! ohhh! No good! ohhh! No good! ohh-ho-ho-ho! ohh-ho-ho-ho! all right.
all right.
it's like two larry birds! it's like two larry birds! the whole court is -- the whole court is -- look at all the toilet paper! look at all the toilet paper! She's standing there, watching! She's standing there, watching! She's standing there watching! She's standing there watching! Ohhh! Ohhh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! this is my last one.
this is my last one.
it's my one last one, too.
it's my one last one, too.
this is their last toilet this is their last toilet papers! Papers! This is it! This is it! here we go.
here we go.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
murray's up.
murray's up.
she's letting them play! she's letting them play! She's letting them play! She's letting them play! does she have nowhere to be? Ohh! murray's got to make it! murray's got to make it! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! He did! Yeah! He did! Yeah! and there you have it! and there you have it! Live from fairway, james murray Live from fairway, james murray takes it home! Takes it home! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! it's unbelievable! it's unbelievable! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I've never seen a stock boy I've never seen a stock boy shootout like this in my life! Shootout like this in my life! [ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
ohhh! ohhh! [ blows .]
[ blows .]
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
that was insane! that was insane! wow! wow! here's our bowlers.
here's our bowlers.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
stretch it out.
stretch it out.
who's your money on? who's your money on? my money's on joe.
my money's on joe.
joe? joe? yeah.
yeah.
no-look.
no-look.
he got it in?! he got it in?! whoa! whoa! this is my game, boys.
sal! You suck! Oh, here we go! Oh, here we go! She's in the field! She's in the field! She's in the field! She's in the field! she's in play! she's in play! ohh! ohh! 1! 1! oh! There we go! oh! There we go! 2! 2! oh, and here joe goes! oh, and here joe goes! Ohh! Ohh! What the hell? What the hell? Ohh! She batted it! Ohh! She batted it! Ohh! Ohh! Joe's in! Sal answers! Joe's in! Sal answers! Joe returns it! Joe returns it! Sal! You're getting blocked! Sal! You're getting blocked! Joe's just dropping 'em in! Joe's just dropping 'em in! Sal, you can't keep up! Sal, you can't keep up! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! Last shot, sal! there you go -- there you go -- right that way.
Right that way.
ohhh! ohhh! ohh! ohh! nicely done, joe! nicely done, joe! wow! Joe gatto takes round 1! wow! Joe gatto takes round 1! 2 out of 3, baby boy! 2 out of 3, baby boy! I'm gonna flush you like this I'm gonna flush you like this paper.
[ laughs .]
sal.
all right.
all right.
ohh! ohh! uh-oh! Here we go! uh-oh! Here we go! joe's up 1-0.
Sal.
joe's up 1-0.
Sal.
do or die, sal! do or die, sal! Do or die, sally! Do or die, sally! Ohh! Sal's in! Ohh! Sal's in! ohh-ho-ho! ohh-ho-ho! oh, joey! Ohh! oh, joey! Ohh! ohh! ohh! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
he got the assist! he got the assist! He got the assist! He got the assist! ohh! ohh! ohhhhhhh! ohhhhhhh! joe! joe! ohh! ohh! ohhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhh! Come on, buddy! Get it! Come on, buddy! Get it! Get it, get it, buddy! Get it, get it, buddy! Aaaah! Aaaah! oh, good shot.
oh, good shot.
That was really good.
That was really good.
his cart's almost outside the his cart's almost outside the green line.
Green line.
sal needs this one to win! sal needs this one to win! go! go! ohhhhhhhhh! ohhhhhhhhh! that was awesome! that was awesome! wow, sal! wow, sal! sal for the win! sal for the win! joey, what happened?! joey, what happened?! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
it's all tied up.
it's all tied up.
It comes down to this, It comes down to this, gentlemen.
Gentlemen.
This is sudden death.
This is sudden death.
hi.
How are you? hi.
How are you? hey! hey! ohh! ohh! whoa! whoa! nailed it! nailed it! oh, look! Over here! oh, look! Over here! Here I am! Here I am! Here I am! Here I am! Here I go! Here I go! Here I go! Here I go! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
ohhh! ohhh! Bring it back! Bring it back! Bring it back! Bring it back! no, sir! No, sir! no, sir! No, sir! ohhh! ohhh! sal's in the lead! sal's in the lead! ah, there we go! ah, there we go! joe is not taking it lying joe is not taking it lying down! Down! No, sir! No, sir! yeah! It's tied up! yeah! It's tied up! sal's got 4! sal's got 4! sal.
sal.
ohhh! What a shot! ohhh! What a shot! oh-ho! oh-ho! Hey, she's given up, but her Hey, she's given up, but her cart is still in.
Cart is still in.
Keep playing, guys.
Keep playing, guys.
[ laughing .]
she's just [ laughing .]
she's just staring at them! Staring at them! [ laughter .]
what is going on? They're just tolerating you at They're just tolerating you at this point.
This point.
this could go all night.
this could go all night.
all right.
all right.
It's a tie.
It's a tie.
let's chalk it up to a tie, It's a tie.
It's a tie.
let's chalk it up to a tie, man.
let's chalk it up to a tie, man.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
Man.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
that wasn't a tie.
all right.
Tie.
Tie.
that wasn't a tie.
That was a gift.
that wasn't a tie.
That was a gift.
[ ding! .]
That was a gift.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
narrator: Q got flushed, so [ laughter .]
narrator: Q got flushed, so he's tonight's big loser.
narrator: Q got flushed, so he's tonight's big loser.
q lost, and if there's one He's tonight's big loser.
q lost, and if there's one thing he loves as much as his q lost, and if there's one thing he loves as much as his cats, it's his jeep! Thing he loves as much as his cats, it's his jeep! that's right! Cats, it's his jeep! that's right! And we can't legally destroy his that's right! And we can't legally destroy his cats, so we're gonna destroy his And we can't legally destroy his cats, so we're gonna destroy his jeep! Cats, so we're gonna destroy his jeep! who is that guy?! Jeep! who is that guy?! we hired stunt driver to take who is that guy?! we hired stunt driver to take you around this obstacle course we hired stunt driver to take you around this obstacle course while you have to eat a full You around this obstacle course while you have to eat a full meal in the back seat.
While you have to eat a full meal in the back seat.
are you gonna flip this Meal in the back seat.
are you gonna flip this thing? That's not -- that's not what I wanted.
Why did you tell me to wear a That's not what I wanted.
Why did you tell me to wear a tie and a shirt for this? Why did you tell me to wear a tie and a shirt for this? this is a fancy 3-course Tie and a shirt for this? this is a fancy 3-course meal.
this is a fancy 3-course meal.
yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
Meal.
yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
you have to finish all the yeah, it's fancy, buddy.
you have to finish all the courses while racecar bob is you have to finish all the courses while racecar bob is flying around the track.
Courses while racecar bob is flying around the track.
we know it's my car.
Flying around the track.
we know it's my car.
Just nice and easy.
we know it's my car.
Just nice and easy.
This is the only major purchase Just nice and easy.
This is the only major purchase I've made in my life.
This is the only major purchase I've made in my life.
you look scared.
I've made in my life.
you look scared.
it's my car! I'm scared! you look scared.
it's my car! I'm scared! excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
it's my car! I'm scared! excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
yeah? excuse me, mr.
Quinn.
yeah? your first course is being yeah? your first course is being served.
your first course is being served.
here's your appetizer -- Served.
here's your appetizer -- delicious soup! here's your appetizer -- delicious soup! bon appétit! Delicious soup! bon appétit! I can't even physically eat bon appétit! I can't even physically eat this much soup! I can't even physically eat this much soup! gentlemen, start your This much soup! gentlemen, start your engines! gentlemen, start your engines! racecar bob, be nice.
Engines! racecar bob, be nice.
on your marksGet set racecar bob, be nice.
on your marksGet set [ tone sounds .]
on your marksGet set [ tone sounds .]
Blocka, blocka, blocka! [ tone sounds .]
Blocka, blocka, blocka! oh, this is pretty easy so Blocka, blocka, blocka! oh, this is pretty easy so far, bud.
oh, this is pretty easy so far, bud.
It's not a pro-- Far, bud.
It's not a pro-- [ laughter .]
[bleep.]
racecar bob [ laughter .]
Racecar bob [ laughter .]
my seatbelt! [ laughter .]
my seatbelt! try to eat! Try to eat! [ laughter .]
stop! Racecar bob! Oww! stop! Racecar bob! Oww! [ laughter .]
Oww! [ laughter .]
ohh! Oh, my god! [ laughter .]
ohh! Oh, my god! please comment -- Ohh! Oh, my god! please comment -- the first course.
please comment -- the first course.
I'm gonna throw up already.
The first course.
I'm gonna throw up already.
We just got started.
I'm gonna throw up already.
We just got started.
[ laughter .]
We just got started.
[ laughter .]
ohhhh.
[ laughter .]
ohhhh.
the second course will be Ohhhh.
the second course will be right out.
the second course will be right out.
yeah.
Right out.
yeah.
come on.
yeah.
come on.
Oh, my god.
come on.
Oh, my god.
There's food everywhere! Oh, my god.
There's food everywhere! look at your body! There's food everywhere! look at your body! my body I can wash! look at your body! my body I can wash! My car's all jacked! my body I can wash! My car's all jacked! okay, bud.
My car's all jacked! okay, bud.
I'll take this soup from you.
okay, bud.
I'll take this soup from you.
your margarita.
I'll take this soup from you.
your margarita.
[ laughing .]
come on! your margarita.
[ laughing .]
come on! Oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
come on! Oh, my god.
a full taco bar with all the Oh, my god.
a full taco bar with all the fixins, sir.
a full taco bar with all the fixins, sir.
it's mexican night! Fixins, sir.
it's mexican night! [ laughs .]
it's mexican night! [ laughs .]
he's got a taco bar in his [ laughs .]
he's got a taco bar in his crotch! He's got a taco bar in his crotch! thank you.
Crotch! thank you.
[ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
thank you.
[ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
on your marks, get set [ laughing .]
I hate you guys.
on your marks, get set Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! on your marks, get set Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! go! Go! Go! Go! Blocka, blocka! Racecar bob, go! go! Go! Go! Go! [ laughter .]
go! Go! Go! Go! [ laughter .]
try to make that taco, bud.
make a ta-- [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
he just pours it out.
He just pours it out.
go, bob, go! go, bob, go! bob, why would you -- bob, why would you -- no, no, bob.
No, no, bob.
together: Make that taco! together: Make that taco! [ clapping rhythmically .]
[ clapping rhythmically .]
make that taco! Make that taco! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
bob, what are you doing?! bob, what are you doing?! Ohh! No! Ohh! No! Guys, I'm gonna throw up.
No! Guys, I'm gonna throw up.
I'm not kidding.
look at his face! He's got a thousand-yard stare on right now.
He's got a thousand-yard stare on right now.
[ laughter .]
On right now.
[ laughter .]
he's a broken man.
Tacos aren't bad.
[ laughter .]
sir, you had one other party [ laughter .]
sir, you had one other party joining you for dinner tonight.
sir, you had one other party joining you for dinner tonight.
one other party? Joining you for dinner tonight.
one other party? no.
No.
one other party? no.
No.
who's your guest? no.
No.
who's your guest? I don't have anybody who's your guest? I don't have anybody joining me.
I don't have anybody joining me.
it's sloppy joe.
Joining me.
it's sloppy joe.
oh, my god.
it's sloppy joe.
oh, my god.
What is this? oh, my god.
What is this? No! No! What is this? No! No! q, you wanted a sloppy joe? No! No! q, you wanted a sloppy joe? [ laughter .]
q, you wanted a sloppy joe? [ laughter .]
pardon me.
[ laughter .]
pardon me.
ohhh! pardon me.
ohhh! Ohhh! ohhh! Ohhh! ohh! What is your story?! Ohhh! ohh! What is your story?! q wanted sloppy joe.
ohh! What is your story?! q wanted sloppy joe.
yes! Yes! q wanted sloppy joe.
yes! Yes! what are you doing?! yes! Yes! what are you doing?! go, racecar bob, go! what are you doing?! go, racecar bob, go! [ engine revs .]
go, racecar bob, go! [ engine revs .]
no! Oh, god! [ engine revs .]
no! Oh, god! it's on his nose.
no! Oh, god! it's on his nose.
oh, my god! it's on his nose.
oh, my god! What is wrong with you?! oh, my god! What is wrong with you?! Aaaaaaaaah! What is wrong with you?! Aaaaaaaaah! Ohhhhhhh! Aaaaaaaaah! Ohhhhhhh! your driver.
Ohhhhhhh! your driver.
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! your driver.
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! [ laughter .]
stop! Sloppy joe, stop this! [ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
there you go, buddy.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
There you go.
You did it.
There you go.
You did it.
You did it.
You did it.
wow! wow! look at him.
look at him.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
q, you want some dessert? q, you want some dessert? no more, guys, please.
no more, guys, please.
way to go, racecar bob! way to go, racecar bob! yeah! yeah! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
ugh.