Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e16 Episode Script
Captain Fatbelly
narrator: Coming up, why is sal giving a hoot? ooh, oooooooh! Sal giving a hoot? ooh, oooooooh! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooooh! [ laughter .]
narrator: What's got joe [ laughter .]
narrator: What's got joe lending a hand? narrator: What's got joe lending a hand? I got to hand it to you.
Lending a hand? I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will become a super-zero in narrator: And which joker will become a super-zero in tonight's punishment? Will become a super-zero in tonight's punishment? [ screaming .]
Tonight's punishment? [ screaming .]
prepare for something [ screaming .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're assisting customers at one of the coolest stores in the world, Customers at one of the coolest stores in the world, hammacher schlemmer.
Stores in the world, hammacher schlemmer.
while working the sales Hammacher schlemmer.
while working the sales floor, we'll have to do and say while working the sales floor, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
and if you refuse to do or Say anything, you lose.
it's hammacher time.
oh, oh.
wow.
how you guys doing? Looking for some weird, fun Stuff tonight? q, show these folks the new Cutting-edge shredder that you Guys have.
want to check out the coolest Thing we have? "it's a smart shredder.
" it's a smart shredder.
"it will spit out anything of it's a smart shredder.
"it will spit out anything of value.
" "it will spit out anything of value.
" it actually will spit out Value.
" it actually will spit out anything that it, like, deems it actually will spit out anything that it, like, deems important.
Anything that it, like, deems important.
"you guys have a $20 bill?" Important.
"you guys have a $20 bill?" do you have like a $20 bill? "oh, wait, I have a $20.
" [ laughter .]
I have a $20.
[ laughter .]
I have a $20.
Here, check this out.
I have a $20.
Here, check this out.
It will not destroy this $20 Here, check this out.
It will not destroy this $20 bill.
It will not destroy this $20 bill.
Check this out.
Bill.
Check this out.
[ motor whirring .]
Check this out.
[ motor whirring .]
[ laughter .]
[ motor whirring .]
[ laughter .]
right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
Right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
"you sure you don't want me [ laughter .]
"you sure you don't want me to try with one of your $20s?" "you sure you don't want me to try with one of your $20s?" you sure you don't want me to To try with one of your $20s?" you sure you don't want me to try it with one of your $20s? [ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
oh! [ applause .]
oh! [ applause .]
[ laughter .]
[ applause .]
[ laughter .]
I used this actually the [ laughter .]
I used this actually the other day.
I used this actually the other day.
I tested this thing out.
Other day.
I tested this thing out.
"I'm not a virgin, by the I tested this thing out.
"I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" [ laughter .]
Way.
" [ laughter .]
um, you know, I get around.
[ laughter .]
um, you know, I get around.
no, that's not the line.
um, you know, I get around.
no, that's not the line.
The line is, "I'm not a virgin, no, that's not the line.
The line is, "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" The line is, "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" just by the way, I'm not -- By the way.
" just by the way, I'm not -- I'm not a just by the way, I'm not -- I'm not a you can't do it, still! I'm not a you can't do it, still! [ laughter .]
you can't do it, still! [ laughter .]
"I'm not a virgin, by the [ laughter .]
"I'm not a virgin, by the way" is the next sentence out of "I'm not a virgin, by the way" is the next sentence out of your mouth, or it's over.
Way" is the next sentence out of your mouth, or it's over.
joe's killing me right now.
Your mouth, or it's over.
joe's killing me right now.
He is.
joe's killing me right now.
He is.
All right, well, I'm just gonna He is.
All right, well, I'm just gonna let you know.
All right, well, I'm just gonna let you know.
I'm not a -- I don't know what Let you know.
I'm not a -- I don't know what you heard.
I'm not a -- I don't know what you heard.
I'm not a virgin.
no, thank you.
oh, that was brutal.
oh, man.
Well-played, sir.
[ ding! .]
You came to play.
murr, you see that scooter? yes.
just get on it.
that's what you're gonna use To follow people around the Store and help them.
holy [bleep.]
whoa.
Whoa.
that's it.
how about he's not allowed to stop? oh, yeah.
That's better.
Stop? oh, yeah.
That's better.
You're not allowed to stop.
oh, yeah.
That's better.
You're not allowed to stop.
[ laughter .]
You're not allowed to stop.
[ laughter .]
a murray in motion stays in [ laughter .]
a murray in motion stays in motion.
a murray in motion stays in motion.
you guys need any help? Motion.
you guys need any help? Okay, just let me know if you you guys need any help? Okay, just let me know if you need any help, okay? Okay, just let me know if you need any help, okay? Sir, do you need any help? Need any help, okay? Sir, do you need any help? holy [bleep.]
Sir, do you need any help? holy [bleep.]
that thing is burnin'! holy [bleep.]
that thing is burnin'! Look at how fast he's going! That thing is burnin'! Look at how fast he's going! doreen.
Look at how fast he's going! doreen.
[ laughter .]
doreen.
[ laughter .]
[ beeping .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeping .]
excuse me.
[ beeping .]
excuse me.
The filter's coming -- [ laughter .]
murr, you see the leaf-blower? murr, you see the leaf-blower? The green leaf-blower behind Leaf-blower? The green leaf-blower behind you? The green leaf-blower behind you? yeah.
You? yeah.
pick that up.
yeah.
pick that up.
[ laughter and applause .]
pick that up.
[ laughter and applause .]
you can't control it.
[ laughter and applause .]
you can't control it.
It won't shut off.
you can't control it.
It won't shut off.
it won't shut off.
It won't shut off.
it won't shut off.
It's broken.
It's broken.
it won't shut off.
It's broken.
It's broken.
[ air rushing .]
It's broken.
It's broken.
[ air rushing .]
holy [bleep.]
[ air rushing .]
holy [bleep.]
there you go.
holy [bleep.]
there you go.
Now just blast customers with there you go.
Now just blast customers with that.
Now just blast customers with that.
can we check on the, uh -- That.
can we check on the, uh -- on aisle 7 -- can we check on the, uh -- on aisle 7 -- can we check on the price of On aisle 7 -- can we check on the price of the, um Can we check on the price of the, um I was trying to see if we had The, um I was trying to see if we had the, uh I was trying to see if we had the, uh [ laughter .]
The, uh [ laughter .]
sandra, I can't get this to [ laughter .]
sandra, I can't get this to turn off.
sandra, I can't get this to turn off.
I've been trying to get it to Turn off.
I've been trying to get it to turn off.
I've been trying to get it to turn off.
It's stuck.
Turn off.
It's stuck.
[ laughter .]
It's stuck.
[ laughter .]
the whole thing is stuck.
[ laughter .]
the whole thing is stuck.
If you look, I don't know what The whole thing is stuck.
If you look, I don't know what is wrong with it.
If you look, I don't know what is wrong with it.
It's stuck in the "on" position.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
joey, from head to toe, you Look like a [bleep.]
penguin.
[ laughter .]
March of the gattos out there.
you all good? Yeah, umbrellas.
you all good? Yeah, umbrellas.
open every umbrella you can.
Yeah, umbrellas.
open every umbrella you can.
we could do that, right? open every umbrella you can.
we could do that, right? This opens to be this big, which we could do that, right? This opens to be this big, which is nice.
This opens to be this big, which is nice.
It's not as big as some of the Is nice.
It's not as big as some of the other ones, but this is like a It's not as big as some of the other ones, but this is like a real umbrella, this one.
Other ones, but this is like a real umbrella, this one.
it's a lot of bad luck Real umbrella, this one.
it's a lot of bad luck happening right now.
[ laughter .]
you're seeing all three of them.
you're seeing all three of them.
There's three different sizes, Them.
There's three different sizes, and then you got the fourth There's three different sizes, and then you got the fourth size.
And then you got the fourth size.
This is the biggest one we have.
Size.
This is the biggest one we have.
create a cocoon around your This is the biggest one we have.
create a cocoon around your entire body, and then slowly create a cocoon around your entire body, and then slowly lower to the ground.
Entire body, and then slowly lower to the ground.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
look at his face.
so, you got four sizes.
[ laughter .]
joey, you see that fake hand behind you over there? Pick that up and replace your Behind you over there? Pick that up and replace your hand with that fake hand.
[ laughter .]
get the store in good shape with your hands.
got to fluff 'em.
This is the european cotton.
[ laughter .]
[ thud .]
[ laughter .]
[ thud .]
oh.
[ thud .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
Oh.
[ laughter .]
freak out as many people as you can with your fake hand.
here you go, all -- oh, I'm sorry to scare you.
All those are on sale.
Oh, I'm sorry to scare you.
All those are on sale.
I got to hand it to you.
All those are on sale.
I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
high five, up top.
[ ding! .]
sal, this kid's not supposed To be on the treadmill.
come on.
Get off.
Get off.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
look at this kid.
[ laughter .]
look at this kid.
look.
There's his mom.
look at this kid.
look.
There's his mom.
now sell him on the treadmill look.
There's his mom.
now sell him on the treadmill with his mother there.
now sell him on the treadmill with his mother there.
Sell him on the treadmill.
With his mother there.
Sell him on the treadmill.
this is really fun for the Sell him on the treadmill.
this is really fun for the kids -- the treadmill.
This is really good, and -- oh! no, I said, "how do you like It?" Yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ speaking indistinctly .]
yes, you can sit on that, yes.
yes, you can sit on that, yes.
It goes over 19 miles an hour.
Yes.
It goes over 19 miles an hour.
"that's a lie.
" It goes over 19 miles an hour.
"that's a lie.
" I'm just lying to you.
"that's a lie.
" I'm just lying to you.
what are those things? I'm just lying to you.
what are those things? oh, that's a hovercraft.
what are those things? oh, that's a hovercraft.
they have that in puerto rico oh, that's a hovercraft.
they have that in puerto rico everywhere.
they have that in puerto rico everywhere.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" Everywhere.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" they sent me to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" they sent me to puerto rico.
They let us use that one.
They sent me to puerto rico.
They let us use that one.
yeah? They let us use that one.
yeah? "that's a lie, too.
" yeah? "that's a lie, too.
" I never -- I'm lying to you.
"that's a lie, too.
" I never -- I'm lying to you.
I never won I never -- I'm lying to you.
I never won "employee of the month.
" I never won "employee of the month.
" [ laughter .]
but land and sea -- the Hovercraft.
You know about it.
You know about it.
ask him -- are you guys friends? are you guys friends? Friends? are you guys friends? yes, we came together.
are you guys friends? yes, we came together.
oh, you're prettier than I yes, we came together.
oh, you're prettier than I thought you'd be.
oh, you're prettier than I thought you'd be.
yeah.
Thought you'd be.
yeah.
You're prettier than I thought yeah.
You're prettier than I thought you'd be.
You're prettier than I thought you'd be.
thank you.
You'd be.
thank you.
I appreciate that.
thank you.
I appreciate that.
[ laughter .]
I appreciate that.
[ laughter .]
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" [ laughter .]
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" I'm lying.
I'm lying.
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" I'm lying.
I'm lying.
I know.
It's all good.
I'm lying.
I'm lying.
I know.
It's all good.
[ laughter .]
I know.
It's all good.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: Nobody sold out in [ ding! .]
narrator: Nobody sold out in this challenge, keeping everyone narrator: Nobody sold out in this challenge, keeping everyone off the loser board.
This challenge, keeping everyone off the loser board.
today, we're at the Off the loser board.
today, we're at the palisades mall looking for a today, we're at the palisades mall looking for a perp on the loose.
the description of this perp, However, will be given to us by The other guys.
if you can't get a mall-goer to point you in the direction of that perp, you lose.
To point you in the direction of that perp, you lose.
perrrrrrp.
That perp, you lose.
perrrrrrp.
perp.
here we go, bud.
You look very official.
You have the notepad.
first of all, this has Murray's identification.
[ laughter .]
Number 2, is this a wrestling Belt cut off in half? [ laughter .]
excuse me, sir.
James s.
Murray, wwe security.
We're looking for someone in the James s.
Murray, wwe security.
We're looking for someone in the mall.
We're looking for someone in the mall.
"looks like several teeth in Mall.
"looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
" "looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
" guy just looks like several A mason jar.
" guy just looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
guy just looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
"he's all ass when he walks.
" Teeth in a mason jar.
"he's all ass when he walks.
" he was walking down -- he's "he's all ass when he walks.
" he was walking down -- he's all ass when he walks.
he was walking down -- he's all ass when he walks.
uh, no.
All ass when he walks.
uh, no.
"yeah, maybe you heard him uh, no.
"yeah, maybe you heard him talk.
"yeah, maybe you heard him talk.
He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm Talk.
He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm gonna steal things, derp, derp, He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm gonna steal things, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" Gonna steal things, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" he sounds like this -- "ergh, Derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" he sounds like this -- "ergh, I'm gonna steal things, buh, he sounds like this -- "ergh, I'm gonna steal things, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
I'm gonna steal things, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" [ laughs .]
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" [ laughs .]
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" [ laughs .]
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" all ass when he walks.
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" all ass when he walks.
[ laughter .]
oh! if you see him, please come meet me outside of h&m.
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" no, he's not dangerous.
[ laughter .]
No, he's not dangerous.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? We're looking for a guy.
Excuse me, miss? We're looking for a guy.
"he's known as We're looking for a guy.
"he's known as 'the hooting bandit.
' "he's known as 'the hooting bandit.
' you may have heard him.
'the hooting bandit.
' you may have heard him.
After he steals something, he You may have heard him.
After he steals something, he goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" After he steals something, he goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" [ laughs .]
Goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" [ laughs .]
he's the hooting bandit.
[ laughs .]
he's the hooting bandit.
When he steals something -- he's the hooting bandit.
When he steals something -- after he steals something, he When he steals something -- after he steals something, he goes, "ooh, oooooh!" After he steals something, he goes, "ooh, oooooh!" [ laughing .]
are you serious? Goes, "ooh, oooooh!" [ laughing .]
are you serious? "and then, if he steals [ laughing .]
are you serious? "and then, if he steals something bigger" "and then, if he steals something bigger" then, if he steals something Something bigger" then, if he steals something worth more value, he goes, then, if he steals something worth more value, he goes, "ooh, ooooooh!" Worth more value, he goes, "ooh, ooooooh!" "last week, he stole a "ooh, ooooooh!" "last week, he stole a diamond.
" "last week, he stole a diamond.
" [ laughter .]
Diamond.
" [ laughter .]
last week, he stole a [ laughter .]
last week, he stole a diamond.
last week, he stole a diamond.
He walked right out of the Diamond.
He walked right out of the store, and he was like, He walked right out of the store, and he was like, "ooh, oooooooooh!" Store, and he was like, "ooh, oooooooooh!" [ laughter .]
"ooh, oooooooooh!" [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! joe's doing ooh, oooooh! joe's doing the hooting bandit.
joe's doing the hooting bandit.
oh, my god.
The hooting bandit.
oh, my god.
Hold on.
Hold on.
oh, my god.
Hold on.
Hold on.
ooh, oooooh! Hold on.
Hold on.
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
stop! Stop! [ laughter .]
stop! Stop! well, I guess he did find the stop! Stop! well, I guess he did find the perp.
well, I guess he did find the perp.
stop! Perp.
stop! In the name of the wwe! stop! In the name of the wwe! [ ding! .]
In the name of the wwe! [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me, ladies.
Did you guys come from that way Over there? yes.
I just wondered.
We're looking for someone.
"he's 5'10".
" he's 5'10".
"male.
" male.
"male.
" male.
"caucasian.
" male.
"caucasian.
" caucasian.
"caucasian.
" caucasian.
"dinosaur.
" caucasian.
"dinosaur.
" dinosaur.
"dinosaur.
" dinosaur.
[ laughter .]
dinosaur.
[ laughter .]
like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
Like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
"you know what he's wanted [ laughter .]
"you know what he's wanted for?" "you know what he's wanted for?" oh, you know what he's wanted For?" oh, you know what he's wanted for? oh, you know what he's wanted for? "let's just say he turned an For? "let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
" "let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
" let's just say he turned an Outie into an innie.
" let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
click your pen in their face.
[ pen clicks, laughter .]
"he's got an accomplice that [ pen clicks, laughter .]
"he's got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
" "he's got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
" got an accomplice that looks Looks like a woolly mammoth.
" got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
[ laughs .]
Like a woolly mammoth.
[ laughs .]
"but a shaven one.
" [ laughs .]
"but a shaven one.
" but a shaven woolly mammoth.
"but a shaven one.
" but a shaven woolly mammoth.
[ laughing .]
no.
but a shaven woolly mammoth.
[ laughing .]
no.
no one? [ laughing .]
no.
no one? So I guess just a mammoth.
no one? So I guess just a mammoth.
no.
So I guess just a mammoth.
no.
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter .]
hi.
[ laughter .]
hi.
Tony gunk, mall security.
hi.
Tony gunk, mall security.
You've been going around the Tony gunk, mall security.
You've been going around the mall, right? You've been going around the mall, right? We're looking for a suspicious Mall, right? We're looking for a suspicious character.
We're looking for a suspicious character.
"she was trying to use Character.
"she was trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as "she was trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
" Silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
" you know, she's trying to use Currency.
" you know, she's trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as you know, she's trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
Silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
"wearing spandex, but Currency.
"wearing spandex, but shouldn't.
" "wearing spandex, but shouldn't.
" she's wearing spandex, but Shouldn't.
" she's wearing spandex, but shouldn't, if you know what I she's wearing spandex, but shouldn't, if you know what I mean? Shouldn't, if you know what I mean? "she's racist, but only on Mean? "she's racist, but only on the outside.
" "she's racist, but only on the outside.
" she's racist, but only on the The outside.
" she's racist, but only on the outside.
she's racist, but only on the outside.
[ laughs .]
Outside.
[ laughs .]
"her hair looked like a vat [ laughs .]
"her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
" "her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
" her hair looked like a vat of Of cotton candy.
" her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
Anybody like that? You did see her?! You did see her?! oh! she got gunked.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
nicely done.
[ ding! .]
nicely done.
[ elevator bell dings .]
you look ridiculous.
looks ridiculous.
guys, I dressed the part.
You said we're playing Private detective.
yeah, but not from 1945, Dick tracy.
[ laughter .]
sir, you came from that direction? We've been looking for this guy.
Direction? We've been looking for this guy.
"he's got hooves like We've been looking for this guy.
"he's got hooves like jagger.
" "he's got hooves like jagger.
" he has hooves like jagger.
Jagger.
" he has hooves like jagger.
[ laughs .]
he has hooves like jagger.
[ laughs .]
we have reason to believe he [ laughs .]
we have reason to believe he might be three dogs in a we have reason to believe he might be three dogs in a trench coat.
Might be three dogs in a trench coat.
[ laughter .]
Trench coat.
[ laughter .]
he looks like sam smith but with [ laughter .]
he looks like sam smith but with wesley snipes' breasts.
He looks like sam smith but with wesley snipes' breasts.
[ laughter .]
Wesley snipes' breasts.
[ laughter .]
miss, you came from this [ laughter .]
miss, you came from this direction? Miss, you came from this direction? We're looking for a guy.
Direction? We're looking for a guy.
"he looks like macklemore.
" We're looking for a guy.
"he looks like macklemore.
" he looks like macklemore, the "he looks like macklemore.
" he looks like macklemore, the singer.
he looks like macklemore, the singer.
"but black.
" Singer.
"but black.
" but black.
"but black.
" but black.
"he's blacklemore.
" but black.
"he's blacklemore.
" he's blacklemore.
"he's blacklemore.
" he's blacklemore.
[ laughter .]
he's blacklemore.
[ laughter .]
"he's part rapper drake and [ laughter .]
"he's part rapper drake and part 'degrassi' drake.
" "he's part rapper drake and part 'degrassi' drake.
" he's part rapper drake, part Part 'degrassi' drake.
" he's part rapper drake, part "degrassi" jake.
he's part rapper drake, part "degrassi" jake.
drake.
"degrassi" jake.
drake.
drake.
drake.
drake.
[ laughter .]
wait, you saw him? get out! oh! She saw blacklemore! thank you so much.
oh! She saw blacklemore! thank you so much.
[ ding! .]
thank you so much.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
joe's looking off into the Distance.
You know the 1,000-yard stare? it's the 1,000-lard stare.
[ laughter .]
you came from that way? Somebody was down there in the macy's area we were looking for.
Somebody was down there in the macy's area we were looking for.
I don't know if you had seen Macy's area we were looking for.
I don't know if you had seen somebody.
I don't know if you had seen somebody.
"looking for a meter maid in Somebody.
"looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
" "looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
" I'm looking for a meter maid Yoga pants.
" I'm looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
I'm looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
"with a real 'suck it' In yoga pants.
"with a real 'suck it' attitude.
" "with a real 'suck it' attitude.
" with a real "suck it" Attitude.
" with a real "suck it" attitude.
"guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
" guy looks like a coked-up Muppet.
" guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
He was, like, all running around Muppet.
He was, like, all running around earlier.
He was, like, all running around earlier.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" Earlier.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" listen.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen up.
Listen up good.
"listen.
" listen up.
Listen up good.
"listen up.
" are you listening? Okay.
"frrrrrr.
" frrrrrr.
[ laughter .]
did you ever see a muppet on Coke before? I once saw kermit rip a line off miss piggy's ass.
Nothing was ever the same.
Miss piggy's ass.
Nothing was ever the same.
Yeah, you don't see him, right? Nothing was ever the same.
Yeah, you don't see him, right? [ laughter .]
Yeah, you don't see him, right? [ laughter .]
you don't see him? [ laughter .]
you don't see him? Frrrrrr.
I didn't look at her once.
[ laughter .]
you came down from that way? [ laughter .]
you came down from that way? yeah.
You came down from that way? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
I, uh, I was looking for a guy yeah.
I, uh, I was looking for a guy down there.
joe, just describe him to joe, just describe him to himself.
joe, just describe him to himself.
there was a guy in a hoodie Himself.
there was a guy in a hoodie that came down from like -- came there was a guy in a hoodie that came down from like -- came in from the macy's entrance.
That came down from like -- came in from the macy's entrance.
Uh, he had headphones.
In from the macy's entrance.
Uh, he had headphones.
I just got off the bus.
Uh, he had headphones.
I just got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got I just got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got off the bus.
He wore a hat.
Off the bus.
He wore a hat.
Took his hood down.
He wore a hat.
Took his hood down.
[ laughter .]
Took his hood down.
[ laughter .]
he's talking to a detective.
[ laughter .]
he's talking to a detective.
Put his hand on his face.
He's talking to a detective.
Put his hand on his face.
He walked away.
Put his hand on his face.
He walked away.
Now he slapped his knee.
He walked away.
Now he slapped his knee.
He stopped by a plant.
Now he slapped his knee.
He stopped by a plant.
Stepped right, stepped left.
He stopped by a plant.
Stepped right, stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped right, stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
[ laughter .]
Stepped right.
[ laughter .]
what's your name? Elijah.
The guy's name's elijah.
[ laughter .]
all this here.
[ laughter .]
all this here.
Every page is blank.
All this here.
Every page is blank.
I'm really just saying what Every page is blank.
I'm really just saying what you're doing.
I'm really just saying what you're doing.
[ laughter .]
You're doing.
[ laughter .]
just a recap -- he got off the [ laughter .]
just a recap -- he got off the bus, he stepped left, stepped Just a recap -- he got off the bus, he stepped left, stepped right.
Bus, he stepped left, stepped right.
He walked back away, couldn't Right.
He walked back away, couldn't believe it, shook his head "no," He walked back away, couldn't believe it, shook his head "no," came back and talked to the Believe it, shook his head "no," came back and talked to the detective, name is elijah, pages Came back and talked to the detective, name is elijah, pages are blank.
Detective, name is elijah, pages are blank.
He's on the phone right now Are blank.
He's on the phone right now talking to his lawyer, probably.
He's on the phone right now talking to his lawyer, probably.
Guilty son of a bitch.
Talking to his lawyer, probably.
Guilty son of a bitch.
"caucasian female.
" Guilty son of a bitch.
"caucasian female.
" it was a caucasian female.
"caucasian female.
" it was a caucasian female.
[ laughter .]
it was a caucasian female.
[ laughter .]
case closed.
[ laughter .]
case closed.
I lost.
Case closed.
I lost.
[ buzzer .]
I lost.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't crack [ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't crack the case, making him tonight's narrator: Joe couldn't crack the case, making him tonight's big loser.
The case, making him tonight's big loser.
so, joe is not here yet.
Big loser.
so, joe is not here yet.
He thinks we're filming a so, joe is not here yet.
He thinks we're filming a challenge today on He thinks we're filming a challenge today on the roosevelt island tram inside Challenge today on the roosevelt island tram inside the tram.
The roosevelt island tram inside the tram.
but we're not.
The tram.
but we're not.
We're actually going to strap but we're not.
We're actually going to strap him to the top of the tram and We're actually going to strap him to the top of the tram and suspend him over the river.
Him to the top of the tram and suspend him over the river.
on top of the tram! Suspend him over the river.
on top of the tram! and joe gatto just got got.
on top of the tram! and joe gatto just got got.
today we're passengers riding and joe gatto just got got.
today we're passengers riding in the iconic today we're passengers riding in the iconic roosevelt island tram.
In the iconic roosevelt island tram.
while riding the tram, we Roosevelt island tram.
while riding the tram, we have to complete a task given to while riding the tram, we have to complete a task given to us by the other guys.
Have to complete a task given to us by the other guys.
if you can't complete the Us by the other guys.
if you can't complete the task given to you, you lose.
if you can't complete the task given to you, you lose.
well Task given to you, you lose.
well here we go.
well here we go.
not quite.
here we go.
not quite.
joe's getting punished.
not quite.
joe's getting punished.
pow, pow, pow.
joe's getting punished.
pow, pow, pow.
come on, man.
pow, pow, pow.
come on, man.
We do that to him! come on, man.
We do that to him! you're gonna be on top of the We do that to him! you're gonna be on top of the tram, hundreds of feet above the you're gonna be on top of the tram, hundreds of feet above the east river.
Tram, hundreds of feet above the east river.
if you don't do what we say, East river.
if you don't do what we say, the tram doesn't move.
if you don't do what we say, the tram doesn't move.
Only when you do what we say The tram doesn't move.
Only when you do what we say will the tram further its way Only when you do what we say will the tram further its way across the river.
Will the tram further its way across the river.
Also, you like spandex, right? Across the river.
Also, you like spandex, right? [ laughs .]
Also, you like spandex, right? [ laughs .]
I'm not kidding.
[ laughs .]
I'm not kidding.
what? I'm not kidding.
what? look! It's a fat bird! what? look! It's a fat bird! look! It's a fat plane! look! It's a fat bird! look! It's a fat plane! no, it's captain fatbelly! look! It's a fat plane! no, it's captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]
no, it's captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]
I can't hold it in anymore.
[ laughter .]
I can't hold it in anymore.
I almost passed out.
I can't hold it in anymore.
I almost passed out.
[ laughter .]
I almost passed out.
[ laughter .]
all right, captain fatbelly.
[ laughter .]
all right, captain fatbelly.
oh, my god.
all right, captain fatbelly.
oh, my god.
so I just -- I go up -- oh, my god.
so I just -- I go up -- [ clangs .]
so I just -- I go up -- [ clangs .]
oh! [ clangs .]
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
oh, [bleep.]
that.
[ laughter .]
oh, [bleep.]
that.
no.
Get up there.
oh, [bleep.]
that.
no.
Get up there.
Come on, get up there! no.
Get up there.
Come on, get up there! do you see this? Come on, get up there! do you see this? yeah, you tattooed us.
do you see this? yeah, you tattooed us.
Get up there.
yeah, you tattooed us.
Get up there.
you guys really have to get Get up there.
you guys really have to get over the tattoos.
[ horn honks .]
oh, this is some straight-up [bleep.]
Oh, this is some straight-up [bleep.]
oh, my god! [bleep.]
oh, my god! oh, my god.
oh, my god! oh, my god.
all right.
We got him.
oh, my god.
all right.
We got him.
Move that tram.
Move that tram! all right.
We got him.
Move that tram.
Move that tram! oh, [bleep.]
Move that tram.
Move that tram! oh, [bleep.]
hang on [bleep.]
oh, [bleep.]
hang on [bleep.]
oh, my god.
hang on [bleep.]
oh, my god.
joe.
oh, my god.
joe.
guys! joe.
guys! [ laughter .]
guys! [ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
honestly, who let us do this? oh, my god.
honestly, who let us do this? Who allowed us to do this? Who allowed us to do this? holy -- guys! ohMyGod! holy -- guys! ohMyGod! [bleep.]
guys.
ohMyGod! [bleep.]
guys.
[ screams .]
[bleep.]
guys.
[ screams .]
oh, my god! [ screams .]
oh, my god! Whoa! oh, my god! Whoa! oh! Whoa! oh! [ screams .]
oh! [ screams .]
it's rocking.
[ screams .]
it's rocking.
When it stops, it rocks.
it's rocking.
When it stops, it rocks.
scary as [bleep.]
When it stops, it rocks.
scary as [bleep.]
joe, are you okay up there? scary as [bleep.]
joe, are you okay up there? no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
joe, are you okay up there? no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
all right, joe.
no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
all right, joe.
oh, my gosh.
all right, joe.
oh, my gosh.
joe, to get the -- the sooner oh, my gosh.
joe, to get the -- the sooner the tram starts moving, the joe, to get the -- the sooner the tram starts moving, the sooner you're done with this.
The tram starts moving, the sooner you're done with this.
yes, yes, what -- how do we Sooner you're done with this.
yes, yes, what -- how do we get it moving? yes, yes, what -- how do we get it moving? joe, look, look! Get it moving? joe, look, look! Your dogs -- somebody's kept joe, look, look! Your dogs -- somebody's kept your dogs hostage up there! Your dogs -- somebody's kept your dogs hostage up there! it's cannoli and biscotti! Your dogs hostage up there! it's cannoli and biscotti! go save your dogs! it's cannoli and biscotti! go save your dogs! whoa! go save your dogs! whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! are you kidding me?! whoa! are you kidding me?! whoa, I'm scared.
are you kidding me?! whoa, I'm scared.
you got to save your dogs, whoa, I'm scared.
you got to save your dogs, buddy! you got to save your dogs, buddy! [bleep.]
those dogs.
Buddy! [bleep.]
those dogs.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
those dogs.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I got you, cannoli.
Oh, my god.
I got you, cannoli.
Don't worry, girl.
I got you, cannoli.
Don't worry, girl.
Good.
Don't worry, girl.
Good.
oh, there we go -- one dog Good.
oh, there we go -- one dog saved.
oh, there we go -- one dog saved.
one dog saved! Saved.
one dog saved! come on, buddy.
one dog saved! come on, buddy.
whoa! come on, buddy.
whoa! [ all screaming .]
whoa! [ all screaming .]
the [bleep.]
is wrong with you [ all screaming .]
the [bleep.]
is wrong with you guys? the [bleep.]
is wrong with you guys? Oh, my god.
Guys? Oh, my god.
I just [bleep.]
myself.
Oh, my god.
I just [bleep.]
myself.
[ laughs .]
I just [bleep.]
myself.
[ laughs .]
run, biscotti.
[ laughs .]
run, biscotti.
two saved dogs.
run, biscotti.
two saved dogs.
oh, my god.
two saved dogs.
oh, my god.
well done.
oh, my god.
well done.
move it.
well done.
move it.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
move it.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all right.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all right.
Let's move this tram.
all right.
Let's move this tram.
joe, we're about to go over Let's move this tram.
joe, we're about to go over water now.
joe, we're about to go over water now.
this is -- you got to stay Water now.
this is -- you got to stay low.
this is -- you got to stay low.
[ all screaming .]
Low.
[ all screaming .]
aah! [ all screaming .]
aah! why are you trying to kill aah! why are you trying to kill me? why are you trying to kill me? This is how I die.
Me? This is how I die.
joe.
This is how I die.
joe.
We're all from staten island, joe.
We're all from staten island, right? We're all from staten island, right? The forgotten borough.
Right? The forgotten borough.
yeah.
The forgotten borough.
yeah.
so this your chance to tell yeah.
so this your chance to tell the rest of the city to "suck so this your chance to tell the rest of the city to "suck it.
" The rest of the city to "suck it.
" so I want you to face all the It.
" so I want you to face all the different boroughs and tell them So I want you to face all the different boroughs and tell them to suck it.
Different boroughs and tell them to suck it.
captain fatbelly is done To suck it.
captain fatbelly is done being oppressed being from captain fatbelly is done being oppressed being from staten island.
Being oppressed being from staten island.
Attention, everyone not from Staten island.
Attention, everyone not from staten island -- Attention, everyone not from staten island -- y'all can suck it! Staten island -- y'all can suck it! [ laughter .]
Y'all can suck it! [ laughter .]
brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
Brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
hey, hey, queens! [ laughter .]
hey, hey, queens! queens, suck it! hey, hey, queens! queens, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! queens, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! bronx, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! bronx, suck it! [ laughter .]
bronx, suck it! [ laughter .]
yo, manhattan.
[ laughter .]
yo, manhattan.
Suck it! yo, manhattan.
Suck it! jersey, suck it! Suck it! jersey, suck it! new jersey! jersey, suck it! new jersey! Suck it! new jersey! Suck it! rest of the world that's not Suck it! rest of the world that's not staten island.
rest of the world that's not staten island.
all you non-staten islanders, Staten island.
all you non-staten islanders, suck it! all you non-staten islanders, suck it! [ laughter .]
Suck it! [ laughter .]
canada, suck it! [ laughter .]
canada, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Canada, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! [ laughter .]
Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! [ laughter .]
joe, that other tram is not [ laughter .]
joe, that other tram is not from staten island! joe, that other tram is not from staten island! other tram From staten island! other tram Suck it, suck it, suck it, other tram Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it! Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it, suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it! [ laughter .]
Suck it! [ laughter .]
[ thuds .]
[ laughter .]
[ thuds .]
I heard sal fall.
[ thuds .]
I heard sal fall.
[ laughs .]
I heard sal fall.
[ laughs .]
guys, I told everyone to [ laughs .]
guys, I told everyone to "suck it.
" guys, I told everyone to "suck it.
" can we get moving? "suck it.
" can we get moving? [ laughter .]
Can we get moving? [ laughter .]
we're gonna bring it on home.
[ laughter .]
we're gonna bring it on home.
Back to the fortress of we're gonna bring it on home.
Back to the fortress of fattitude.
Back to the fortress of fattitude.
[ laughter .]
well, boys, I hope there's Doughnuts wherever we're going.
I got to carb up.
[ laughs .]
joe, you look like a Superhero right now.
The adventures of captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooooh! [ laughter .]
narrator: What's got joe [ laughter .]
narrator: What's got joe lending a hand? narrator: What's got joe lending a hand? I got to hand it to you.
Lending a hand? I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker [ laughter .]
narrator: And which joker will become a super-zero in narrator: And which joker will become a super-zero in tonight's punishment? Will become a super-zero in tonight's punishment? [ screaming .]
Tonight's punishment? [ screaming .]
prepare for something [ screaming .]
prepare for something amazing.
prepare for something amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? Amazing.
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
hey, mustache, what's up? [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I want my mommy! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! [ laughter .]
I will never forgive you! larry! I will never forgive you! larry! [ laughter .]
today, we're assisting customers at one of the coolest stores in the world, Customers at one of the coolest stores in the world, hammacher schlemmer.
Stores in the world, hammacher schlemmer.
while working the sales Hammacher schlemmer.
while working the sales floor, we'll have to do and say while working the sales floor, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
and if you refuse to do or Say anything, you lose.
it's hammacher time.
oh, oh.
wow.
how you guys doing? Looking for some weird, fun Stuff tonight? q, show these folks the new Cutting-edge shredder that you Guys have.
want to check out the coolest Thing we have? "it's a smart shredder.
" it's a smart shredder.
"it will spit out anything of it's a smart shredder.
"it will spit out anything of value.
" "it will spit out anything of value.
" it actually will spit out Value.
" it actually will spit out anything that it, like, deems it actually will spit out anything that it, like, deems important.
Anything that it, like, deems important.
"you guys have a $20 bill?" Important.
"you guys have a $20 bill?" do you have like a $20 bill? "oh, wait, I have a $20.
" [ laughter .]
I have a $20.
[ laughter .]
I have a $20.
Here, check this out.
I have a $20.
Here, check this out.
It will not destroy this $20 Here, check this out.
It will not destroy this $20 bill.
It will not destroy this $20 bill.
Check this out.
Bill.
Check this out.
[ motor whirring .]
Check this out.
[ motor whirring .]
[ laughter .]
[ motor whirring .]
[ laughter .]
right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
Right through, unda-- oh.
[ laughter .]
"you sure you don't want me [ laughter .]
"you sure you don't want me to try with one of your $20s?" "you sure you don't want me to try with one of your $20s?" you sure you don't want me to To try with one of your $20s?" you sure you don't want me to try it with one of your $20s? [ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
oh! [ applause .]
oh! [ applause .]
[ laughter .]
[ applause .]
[ laughter .]
I used this actually the [ laughter .]
I used this actually the other day.
I used this actually the other day.
I tested this thing out.
Other day.
I tested this thing out.
"I'm not a virgin, by the I tested this thing out.
"I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" [ laughter .]
Way.
" [ laughter .]
um, you know, I get around.
[ laughter .]
um, you know, I get around.
no, that's not the line.
um, you know, I get around.
no, that's not the line.
The line is, "I'm not a virgin, no, that's not the line.
The line is, "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" The line is, "I'm not a virgin, by the way.
" just by the way, I'm not -- By the way.
" just by the way, I'm not -- I'm not a just by the way, I'm not -- I'm not a you can't do it, still! I'm not a you can't do it, still! [ laughter .]
you can't do it, still! [ laughter .]
"I'm not a virgin, by the [ laughter .]
"I'm not a virgin, by the way" is the next sentence out of "I'm not a virgin, by the way" is the next sentence out of your mouth, or it's over.
Way" is the next sentence out of your mouth, or it's over.
joe's killing me right now.
Your mouth, or it's over.
joe's killing me right now.
He is.
joe's killing me right now.
He is.
All right, well, I'm just gonna He is.
All right, well, I'm just gonna let you know.
All right, well, I'm just gonna let you know.
I'm not a -- I don't know what Let you know.
I'm not a -- I don't know what you heard.
I'm not a -- I don't know what you heard.
I'm not a virgin.
no, thank you.
oh, that was brutal.
oh, man.
Well-played, sir.
[ ding! .]
You came to play.
murr, you see that scooter? yes.
just get on it.
that's what you're gonna use To follow people around the Store and help them.
holy [bleep.]
whoa.
Whoa.
that's it.
how about he's not allowed to stop? oh, yeah.
That's better.
Stop? oh, yeah.
That's better.
You're not allowed to stop.
oh, yeah.
That's better.
You're not allowed to stop.
[ laughter .]
You're not allowed to stop.
[ laughter .]
a murray in motion stays in [ laughter .]
a murray in motion stays in motion.
a murray in motion stays in motion.
you guys need any help? Motion.
you guys need any help? Okay, just let me know if you you guys need any help? Okay, just let me know if you need any help, okay? Okay, just let me know if you need any help, okay? Sir, do you need any help? Need any help, okay? Sir, do you need any help? holy [bleep.]
Sir, do you need any help? holy [bleep.]
that thing is burnin'! holy [bleep.]
that thing is burnin'! Look at how fast he's going! That thing is burnin'! Look at how fast he's going! doreen.
Look at how fast he's going! doreen.
[ laughter .]
doreen.
[ laughter .]
[ beeping .]
[ laughter .]
[ beeping .]
excuse me.
[ beeping .]
excuse me.
The filter's coming -- [ laughter .]
murr, you see the leaf-blower? murr, you see the leaf-blower? The green leaf-blower behind Leaf-blower? The green leaf-blower behind you? The green leaf-blower behind you? yeah.
You? yeah.
pick that up.
yeah.
pick that up.
[ laughter and applause .]
pick that up.
[ laughter and applause .]
you can't control it.
[ laughter and applause .]
you can't control it.
It won't shut off.
you can't control it.
It won't shut off.
it won't shut off.
It won't shut off.
it won't shut off.
It's broken.
It's broken.
it won't shut off.
It's broken.
It's broken.
[ air rushing .]
It's broken.
It's broken.
[ air rushing .]
holy [bleep.]
[ air rushing .]
holy [bleep.]
there you go.
holy [bleep.]
there you go.
Now just blast customers with there you go.
Now just blast customers with that.
Now just blast customers with that.
can we check on the, uh -- That.
can we check on the, uh -- on aisle 7 -- can we check on the, uh -- on aisle 7 -- can we check on the price of On aisle 7 -- can we check on the price of the, um Can we check on the price of the, um I was trying to see if we had The, um I was trying to see if we had the, uh I was trying to see if we had the, uh [ laughter .]
The, uh [ laughter .]
sandra, I can't get this to [ laughter .]
sandra, I can't get this to turn off.
sandra, I can't get this to turn off.
I've been trying to get it to Turn off.
I've been trying to get it to turn off.
I've been trying to get it to turn off.
It's stuck.
Turn off.
It's stuck.
[ laughter .]
It's stuck.
[ laughter .]
the whole thing is stuck.
[ laughter .]
the whole thing is stuck.
If you look, I don't know what The whole thing is stuck.
If you look, I don't know what is wrong with it.
If you look, I don't know what is wrong with it.
It's stuck in the "on" position.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
joey, from head to toe, you Look like a [bleep.]
penguin.
[ laughter .]
March of the gattos out there.
you all good? Yeah, umbrellas.
you all good? Yeah, umbrellas.
open every umbrella you can.
Yeah, umbrellas.
open every umbrella you can.
we could do that, right? open every umbrella you can.
we could do that, right? This opens to be this big, which we could do that, right? This opens to be this big, which is nice.
This opens to be this big, which is nice.
It's not as big as some of the Is nice.
It's not as big as some of the other ones, but this is like a It's not as big as some of the other ones, but this is like a real umbrella, this one.
Other ones, but this is like a real umbrella, this one.
it's a lot of bad luck Real umbrella, this one.
it's a lot of bad luck happening right now.
[ laughter .]
you're seeing all three of them.
you're seeing all three of them.
There's three different sizes, Them.
There's three different sizes, and then you got the fourth There's three different sizes, and then you got the fourth size.
And then you got the fourth size.
This is the biggest one we have.
Size.
This is the biggest one we have.
create a cocoon around your This is the biggest one we have.
create a cocoon around your entire body, and then slowly create a cocoon around your entire body, and then slowly lower to the ground.
Entire body, and then slowly lower to the ground.
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
look at his face.
so, you got four sizes.
[ laughter .]
joey, you see that fake hand behind you over there? Pick that up and replace your Behind you over there? Pick that up and replace your hand with that fake hand.
[ laughter .]
get the store in good shape with your hands.
got to fluff 'em.
This is the european cotton.
[ laughter .]
[ thud .]
[ laughter .]
[ thud .]
oh.
[ thud .]
oh.
[ laughter .]
Oh.
[ laughter .]
freak out as many people as you can with your fake hand.
here you go, all -- oh, I'm sorry to scare you.
All those are on sale.
Oh, I'm sorry to scare you.
All those are on sale.
I got to hand it to you.
All those are on sale.
I got to hand it to you.
You got great taste.
[ laughter .]
high five, up top.
[ ding! .]
sal, this kid's not supposed To be on the treadmill.
come on.
Get off.
Get off.
Come on.
[ laughter .]
look at this kid.
[ laughter .]
look at this kid.
look.
There's his mom.
look at this kid.
look.
There's his mom.
now sell him on the treadmill look.
There's his mom.
now sell him on the treadmill with his mother there.
now sell him on the treadmill with his mother there.
Sell him on the treadmill.
With his mother there.
Sell him on the treadmill.
this is really fun for the Sell him on the treadmill.
this is really fun for the kids -- the treadmill.
This is really good, and -- oh! no, I said, "how do you like It?" Yeah.
[ laughter .]
[ speaking indistinctly .]
yes, you can sit on that, yes.
yes, you can sit on that, yes.
It goes over 19 miles an hour.
Yes.
It goes over 19 miles an hour.
"that's a lie.
" It goes over 19 miles an hour.
"that's a lie.
" I'm just lying to you.
"that's a lie.
" I'm just lying to you.
what are those things? I'm just lying to you.
what are those things? oh, that's a hovercraft.
what are those things? oh, that's a hovercraft.
they have that in puerto rico oh, that's a hovercraft.
they have that in puerto rico everywhere.
they have that in puerto rico everywhere.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" Everywhere.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
"I've been to puerto rico.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" yeah, I went to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" they sent me to puerto rico.
I won "employee of the month.
" they sent me to puerto rico.
They let us use that one.
They sent me to puerto rico.
They let us use that one.
yeah? They let us use that one.
yeah? "that's a lie, too.
" yeah? "that's a lie, too.
" I never -- I'm lying to you.
"that's a lie, too.
" I never -- I'm lying to you.
I never won I never -- I'm lying to you.
I never won "employee of the month.
" I never won "employee of the month.
" [ laughter .]
but land and sea -- the Hovercraft.
You know about it.
You know about it.
ask him -- are you guys friends? are you guys friends? Friends? are you guys friends? yes, we came together.
are you guys friends? yes, we came together.
oh, you're prettier than I yes, we came together.
oh, you're prettier than I thought you'd be.
oh, you're prettier than I thought you'd be.
yeah.
Thought you'd be.
yeah.
You're prettier than I thought yeah.
You're prettier than I thought you'd be.
You're prettier than I thought you'd be.
thank you.
You'd be.
thank you.
I appreciate that.
thank you.
I appreciate that.
[ laughter .]
I appreciate that.
[ laughter .]
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" [ laughter .]
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" I'm lying.
I'm lying.
"I'm lying.
I'm lying.
" I'm lying.
I'm lying.
I know.
It's all good.
I'm lying.
I'm lying.
I know.
It's all good.
[ laughter .]
I know.
It's all good.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
narrator: Nobody sold out in [ ding! .]
narrator: Nobody sold out in this challenge, keeping everyone narrator: Nobody sold out in this challenge, keeping everyone off the loser board.
This challenge, keeping everyone off the loser board.
today, we're at the Off the loser board.
today, we're at the palisades mall looking for a today, we're at the palisades mall looking for a perp on the loose.
the description of this perp, However, will be given to us by The other guys.
if you can't get a mall-goer to point you in the direction of that perp, you lose.
To point you in the direction of that perp, you lose.
perrrrrrp.
That perp, you lose.
perrrrrrp.
perp.
here we go, bud.
You look very official.
You have the notepad.
first of all, this has Murray's identification.
[ laughter .]
Number 2, is this a wrestling Belt cut off in half? [ laughter .]
excuse me, sir.
James s.
Murray, wwe security.
We're looking for someone in the James s.
Murray, wwe security.
We're looking for someone in the mall.
We're looking for someone in the mall.
"looks like several teeth in Mall.
"looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
" "looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
" guy just looks like several A mason jar.
" guy just looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
guy just looks like several teeth in a mason jar.
"he's all ass when he walks.
" Teeth in a mason jar.
"he's all ass when he walks.
" he was walking down -- he's "he's all ass when he walks.
" he was walking down -- he's all ass when he walks.
he was walking down -- he's all ass when he walks.
uh, no.
All ass when he walks.
uh, no.
"yeah, maybe you heard him uh, no.
"yeah, maybe you heard him talk.
"yeah, maybe you heard him talk.
He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm Talk.
He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm gonna steal things, derp, derp, He talks like this -- 'ergh, I'm gonna steal things, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" Gonna steal things, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" he sounds like this -- "ergh, Derp, derp, derp, derp.
'" he sounds like this -- "ergh, I'm gonna steal things, buh, he sounds like this -- "ergh, I'm gonna steal things, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
I'm gonna steal things, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" [ laughs .]
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
" [ laughs .]
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" [ laughs .]
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" "I'm gonna steal things.
" "rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" all ass when he walks.
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" all ass when he walks.
[ laughter .]
oh! if you see him, please come meet me outside of h&m.
"rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.
" no, he's not dangerous.
[ laughter .]
No, he's not dangerous.
[ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? [ laughter .]
excuse me, miss? We're looking for a guy.
Excuse me, miss? We're looking for a guy.
"he's known as We're looking for a guy.
"he's known as 'the hooting bandit.
' "he's known as 'the hooting bandit.
' you may have heard him.
'the hooting bandit.
' you may have heard him.
After he steals something, he You may have heard him.
After he steals something, he goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" After he steals something, he goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" [ laughs .]
Goes, 'ooh, ooh!'" [ laughs .]
he's the hooting bandit.
[ laughs .]
he's the hooting bandit.
When he steals something -- he's the hooting bandit.
When he steals something -- after he steals something, he When he steals something -- after he steals something, he goes, "ooh, oooooh!" After he steals something, he goes, "ooh, oooooh!" [ laughing .]
are you serious? Goes, "ooh, oooooh!" [ laughing .]
are you serious? "and then, if he steals [ laughing .]
are you serious? "and then, if he steals something bigger" "and then, if he steals something bigger" then, if he steals something Something bigger" then, if he steals something worth more value, he goes, then, if he steals something worth more value, he goes, "ooh, ooooooh!" Worth more value, he goes, "ooh, ooooooh!" "last week, he stole a "ooh, ooooooh!" "last week, he stole a diamond.
" "last week, he stole a diamond.
" [ laughter .]
Diamond.
" [ laughter .]
last week, he stole a [ laughter .]
last week, he stole a diamond.
last week, he stole a diamond.
He walked right out of the Diamond.
He walked right out of the store, and he was like, He walked right out of the store, and he was like, "ooh, oooooooooh!" Store, and he was like, "ooh, oooooooooh!" [ laughter .]
"ooh, oooooooooh!" [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! joe's doing ooh, oooooh! joe's doing the hooting bandit.
joe's doing the hooting bandit.
oh, my god.
The hooting bandit.
oh, my god.
Hold on.
Hold on.
oh, my god.
Hold on.
Hold on.
ooh, oooooh! Hold on.
Hold on.
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
ooh, oooooh! [ laughter .]
stop! Stop! [ laughter .]
stop! Stop! well, I guess he did find the stop! Stop! well, I guess he did find the perp.
well, I guess he did find the perp.
stop! Perp.
stop! In the name of the wwe! stop! In the name of the wwe! [ ding! .]
In the name of the wwe! [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
excuse me, ladies.
Did you guys come from that way Over there? yes.
I just wondered.
We're looking for someone.
"he's 5'10".
" he's 5'10".
"male.
" male.
"male.
" male.
"caucasian.
" male.
"caucasian.
" caucasian.
"caucasian.
" caucasian.
"dinosaur.
" caucasian.
"dinosaur.
" dinosaur.
"dinosaur.
" dinosaur.
[ laughter .]
dinosaur.
[ laughter .]
like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
Like maybe a velociraptor type? [ laughter .]
"you know what he's wanted [ laughter .]
"you know what he's wanted for?" "you know what he's wanted for?" oh, you know what he's wanted For?" oh, you know what he's wanted for? oh, you know what he's wanted for? "let's just say he turned an For? "let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
" "let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
" let's just say he turned an Outie into an innie.
" let's just say he turned an outie into an innie.
click your pen in their face.
[ pen clicks, laughter .]
"he's got an accomplice that [ pen clicks, laughter .]
"he's got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
" "he's got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
" got an accomplice that looks Looks like a woolly mammoth.
" got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
got an accomplice that looks like a woolly mammoth.
[ laughs .]
Like a woolly mammoth.
[ laughs .]
"but a shaven one.
" [ laughs .]
"but a shaven one.
" but a shaven woolly mammoth.
"but a shaven one.
" but a shaven woolly mammoth.
[ laughing .]
no.
but a shaven woolly mammoth.
[ laughing .]
no.
no one? [ laughing .]
no.
no one? So I guess just a mammoth.
no one? So I guess just a mammoth.
no.
So I guess just a mammoth.
no.
[ laughter .]
no.
[ laughter .]
hi.
[ laughter .]
hi.
Tony gunk, mall security.
hi.
Tony gunk, mall security.
You've been going around the Tony gunk, mall security.
You've been going around the mall, right? You've been going around the mall, right? We're looking for a suspicious Mall, right? We're looking for a suspicious character.
We're looking for a suspicious character.
"she was trying to use Character.
"she was trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as "she was trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
" Silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
" you know, she's trying to use Currency.
" you know, she's trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as you know, she's trying to use silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
Silver-dollar pancakes as currency.
"wearing spandex, but Currency.
"wearing spandex, but shouldn't.
" "wearing spandex, but shouldn't.
" she's wearing spandex, but Shouldn't.
" she's wearing spandex, but shouldn't, if you know what I she's wearing spandex, but shouldn't, if you know what I mean? Shouldn't, if you know what I mean? "she's racist, but only on Mean? "she's racist, but only on the outside.
" "she's racist, but only on the outside.
" she's racist, but only on the The outside.
" she's racist, but only on the outside.
she's racist, but only on the outside.
[ laughs .]
Outside.
[ laughs .]
"her hair looked like a vat [ laughs .]
"her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
" "her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
" her hair looked like a vat of Of cotton candy.
" her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
her hair looked like a vat of cotton candy.
Anybody like that? You did see her?! You did see her?! oh! she got gunked.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
nicely done.
[ ding! .]
nicely done.
[ elevator bell dings .]
you look ridiculous.
looks ridiculous.
guys, I dressed the part.
You said we're playing Private detective.
yeah, but not from 1945, Dick tracy.
[ laughter .]
sir, you came from that direction? We've been looking for this guy.
Direction? We've been looking for this guy.
"he's got hooves like We've been looking for this guy.
"he's got hooves like jagger.
" "he's got hooves like jagger.
" he has hooves like jagger.
Jagger.
" he has hooves like jagger.
[ laughs .]
he has hooves like jagger.
[ laughs .]
we have reason to believe he [ laughs .]
we have reason to believe he might be three dogs in a we have reason to believe he might be three dogs in a trench coat.
Might be three dogs in a trench coat.
[ laughter .]
Trench coat.
[ laughter .]
he looks like sam smith but with [ laughter .]
he looks like sam smith but with wesley snipes' breasts.
He looks like sam smith but with wesley snipes' breasts.
[ laughter .]
Wesley snipes' breasts.
[ laughter .]
miss, you came from this [ laughter .]
miss, you came from this direction? Miss, you came from this direction? We're looking for a guy.
Direction? We're looking for a guy.
"he looks like macklemore.
" We're looking for a guy.
"he looks like macklemore.
" he looks like macklemore, the "he looks like macklemore.
" he looks like macklemore, the singer.
he looks like macklemore, the singer.
"but black.
" Singer.
"but black.
" but black.
"but black.
" but black.
"he's blacklemore.
" but black.
"he's blacklemore.
" he's blacklemore.
"he's blacklemore.
" he's blacklemore.
[ laughter .]
he's blacklemore.
[ laughter .]
"he's part rapper drake and [ laughter .]
"he's part rapper drake and part 'degrassi' drake.
" "he's part rapper drake and part 'degrassi' drake.
" he's part rapper drake, part Part 'degrassi' drake.
" he's part rapper drake, part "degrassi" jake.
he's part rapper drake, part "degrassi" jake.
drake.
"degrassi" jake.
drake.
drake.
drake.
drake.
[ laughter .]
wait, you saw him? get out! oh! She saw blacklemore! thank you so much.
oh! She saw blacklemore! thank you so much.
[ ding! .]
thank you so much.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
joe's looking off into the Distance.
You know the 1,000-yard stare? it's the 1,000-lard stare.
[ laughter .]
you came from that way? Somebody was down there in the macy's area we were looking for.
Somebody was down there in the macy's area we were looking for.
I don't know if you had seen Macy's area we were looking for.
I don't know if you had seen somebody.
I don't know if you had seen somebody.
"looking for a meter maid in Somebody.
"looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
" "looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
" I'm looking for a meter maid Yoga pants.
" I'm looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
I'm looking for a meter maid in yoga pants.
"with a real 'suck it' In yoga pants.
"with a real 'suck it' attitude.
" "with a real 'suck it' attitude.
" with a real "suck it" Attitude.
" with a real "suck it" attitude.
"guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
" guy looks like a coked-up Muppet.
" guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
guy looks like a coked-up muppet.
He was, like, all running around Muppet.
He was, like, all running around earlier.
He was, like, all running around earlier.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" Earlier.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" listen.
"listen, are you -- listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen.
"listen.
" listen up.
Listen up good.
"listen.
" listen up.
Listen up good.
"listen up.
" are you listening? Okay.
"frrrrrr.
" frrrrrr.
[ laughter .]
did you ever see a muppet on Coke before? I once saw kermit rip a line off miss piggy's ass.
Nothing was ever the same.
Miss piggy's ass.
Nothing was ever the same.
Yeah, you don't see him, right? Nothing was ever the same.
Yeah, you don't see him, right? [ laughter .]
Yeah, you don't see him, right? [ laughter .]
you don't see him? [ laughter .]
you don't see him? Frrrrrr.
I didn't look at her once.
[ laughter .]
you came down from that way? [ laughter .]
you came down from that way? yeah.
You came down from that way? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
I, uh, I was looking for a guy yeah.
I, uh, I was looking for a guy down there.
joe, just describe him to joe, just describe him to himself.
joe, just describe him to himself.
there was a guy in a hoodie Himself.
there was a guy in a hoodie that came down from like -- came there was a guy in a hoodie that came down from like -- came in from the macy's entrance.
That came down from like -- came in from the macy's entrance.
Uh, he had headphones.
In from the macy's entrance.
Uh, he had headphones.
I just got off the bus.
Uh, he had headphones.
I just got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got I just got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got off the bus.
he had headphones, and he got off the bus.
He wore a hat.
Off the bus.
He wore a hat.
Took his hood down.
He wore a hat.
Took his hood down.
[ laughter .]
Took his hood down.
[ laughter .]
he's talking to a detective.
[ laughter .]
he's talking to a detective.
Put his hand on his face.
He's talking to a detective.
Put his hand on his face.
He walked away.
Put his hand on his face.
He walked away.
Now he slapped his knee.
He walked away.
Now he slapped his knee.
He stopped by a plant.
Now he slapped his knee.
He stopped by a plant.
Stepped right, stepped left.
He stopped by a plant.
Stepped right, stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped right, stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
Stepped left.
Stepped right.
[ laughter .]
Stepped right.
[ laughter .]
what's your name? Elijah.
The guy's name's elijah.
[ laughter .]
all this here.
[ laughter .]
all this here.
Every page is blank.
All this here.
Every page is blank.
I'm really just saying what Every page is blank.
I'm really just saying what you're doing.
I'm really just saying what you're doing.
[ laughter .]
You're doing.
[ laughter .]
just a recap -- he got off the [ laughter .]
just a recap -- he got off the bus, he stepped left, stepped Just a recap -- he got off the bus, he stepped left, stepped right.
Bus, he stepped left, stepped right.
He walked back away, couldn't Right.
He walked back away, couldn't believe it, shook his head "no," He walked back away, couldn't believe it, shook his head "no," came back and talked to the Believe it, shook his head "no," came back and talked to the detective, name is elijah, pages Came back and talked to the detective, name is elijah, pages are blank.
Detective, name is elijah, pages are blank.
He's on the phone right now Are blank.
He's on the phone right now talking to his lawyer, probably.
He's on the phone right now talking to his lawyer, probably.
Guilty son of a bitch.
Talking to his lawyer, probably.
Guilty son of a bitch.
"caucasian female.
" Guilty son of a bitch.
"caucasian female.
" it was a caucasian female.
"caucasian female.
" it was a caucasian female.
[ laughter .]
it was a caucasian female.
[ laughter .]
case closed.
[ laughter .]
case closed.
I lost.
Case closed.
I lost.
[ buzzer .]
I lost.
[ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't crack [ buzzer .]
narrator: Joe couldn't crack the case, making him tonight's narrator: Joe couldn't crack the case, making him tonight's big loser.
The case, making him tonight's big loser.
so, joe is not here yet.
Big loser.
so, joe is not here yet.
He thinks we're filming a so, joe is not here yet.
He thinks we're filming a challenge today on He thinks we're filming a challenge today on the roosevelt island tram inside Challenge today on the roosevelt island tram inside the tram.
The roosevelt island tram inside the tram.
but we're not.
The tram.
but we're not.
We're actually going to strap but we're not.
We're actually going to strap him to the top of the tram and We're actually going to strap him to the top of the tram and suspend him over the river.
Him to the top of the tram and suspend him over the river.
on top of the tram! Suspend him over the river.
on top of the tram! and joe gatto just got got.
on top of the tram! and joe gatto just got got.
today we're passengers riding and joe gatto just got got.
today we're passengers riding in the iconic today we're passengers riding in the iconic roosevelt island tram.
In the iconic roosevelt island tram.
while riding the tram, we Roosevelt island tram.
while riding the tram, we have to complete a task given to while riding the tram, we have to complete a task given to us by the other guys.
Have to complete a task given to us by the other guys.
if you can't complete the Us by the other guys.
if you can't complete the task given to you, you lose.
if you can't complete the task given to you, you lose.
well Task given to you, you lose.
well here we go.
well here we go.
not quite.
here we go.
not quite.
joe's getting punished.
not quite.
joe's getting punished.
pow, pow, pow.
joe's getting punished.
pow, pow, pow.
come on, man.
pow, pow, pow.
come on, man.
We do that to him! come on, man.
We do that to him! you're gonna be on top of the We do that to him! you're gonna be on top of the tram, hundreds of feet above the you're gonna be on top of the tram, hundreds of feet above the east river.
Tram, hundreds of feet above the east river.
if you don't do what we say, East river.
if you don't do what we say, the tram doesn't move.
if you don't do what we say, the tram doesn't move.
Only when you do what we say The tram doesn't move.
Only when you do what we say will the tram further its way Only when you do what we say will the tram further its way across the river.
Will the tram further its way across the river.
Also, you like spandex, right? Across the river.
Also, you like spandex, right? [ laughs .]
Also, you like spandex, right? [ laughs .]
I'm not kidding.
[ laughs .]
I'm not kidding.
what? I'm not kidding.
what? look! It's a fat bird! what? look! It's a fat bird! look! It's a fat plane! look! It's a fat bird! look! It's a fat plane! no, it's captain fatbelly! look! It's a fat plane! no, it's captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]
no, it's captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]
I can't hold it in anymore.
[ laughter .]
I can't hold it in anymore.
I almost passed out.
I can't hold it in anymore.
I almost passed out.
[ laughter .]
I almost passed out.
[ laughter .]
all right, captain fatbelly.
[ laughter .]
all right, captain fatbelly.
oh, my god.
all right, captain fatbelly.
oh, my god.
so I just -- I go up -- oh, my god.
so I just -- I go up -- [ clangs .]
so I just -- I go up -- [ clangs .]
oh! [ clangs .]
oh! [ laughter .]
oh! [ laughter .]
oh, [bleep.]
that.
[ laughter .]
oh, [bleep.]
that.
no.
Get up there.
oh, [bleep.]
that.
no.
Get up there.
Come on, get up there! no.
Get up there.
Come on, get up there! do you see this? Come on, get up there! do you see this? yeah, you tattooed us.
do you see this? yeah, you tattooed us.
Get up there.
yeah, you tattooed us.
Get up there.
you guys really have to get Get up there.
you guys really have to get over the tattoos.
[ horn honks .]
oh, this is some straight-up [bleep.]
Oh, this is some straight-up [bleep.]
oh, my god! [bleep.]
oh, my god! oh, my god.
oh, my god! oh, my god.
all right.
We got him.
oh, my god.
all right.
We got him.
Move that tram.
Move that tram! all right.
We got him.
Move that tram.
Move that tram! oh, [bleep.]
Move that tram.
Move that tram! oh, [bleep.]
hang on [bleep.]
oh, [bleep.]
hang on [bleep.]
oh, my god.
hang on [bleep.]
oh, my god.
joe.
oh, my god.
joe.
guys! joe.
guys! [ laughter .]
guys! [ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
honestly, who let us do this? oh, my god.
honestly, who let us do this? Who allowed us to do this? Who allowed us to do this? holy -- guys! ohMyGod! holy -- guys! ohMyGod! [bleep.]
guys.
ohMyGod! [bleep.]
guys.
[ screams .]
[bleep.]
guys.
[ screams .]
oh, my god! [ screams .]
oh, my god! Whoa! oh, my god! Whoa! oh! Whoa! oh! [ screams .]
oh! [ screams .]
it's rocking.
[ screams .]
it's rocking.
When it stops, it rocks.
it's rocking.
When it stops, it rocks.
scary as [bleep.]
When it stops, it rocks.
scary as [bleep.]
joe, are you okay up there? scary as [bleep.]
joe, are you okay up there? no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
joe, are you okay up there? no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
all right, joe.
no.
No, I'm not okay up here.
all right, joe.
oh, my gosh.
all right, joe.
oh, my gosh.
joe, to get the -- the sooner oh, my gosh.
joe, to get the -- the sooner the tram starts moving, the joe, to get the -- the sooner the tram starts moving, the sooner you're done with this.
The tram starts moving, the sooner you're done with this.
yes, yes, what -- how do we Sooner you're done with this.
yes, yes, what -- how do we get it moving? yes, yes, what -- how do we get it moving? joe, look, look! Get it moving? joe, look, look! Your dogs -- somebody's kept joe, look, look! Your dogs -- somebody's kept your dogs hostage up there! Your dogs -- somebody's kept your dogs hostage up there! it's cannoli and biscotti! Your dogs hostage up there! it's cannoli and biscotti! go save your dogs! it's cannoli and biscotti! go save your dogs! whoa! go save your dogs! whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! [ screams .]
whoa! are you kidding me?! whoa! are you kidding me?! whoa, I'm scared.
are you kidding me?! whoa, I'm scared.
you got to save your dogs, whoa, I'm scared.
you got to save your dogs, buddy! you got to save your dogs, buddy! [bleep.]
those dogs.
Buddy! [bleep.]
those dogs.
[ laughter .]
[bleep.]
those dogs.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I got you, cannoli.
Oh, my god.
I got you, cannoli.
Don't worry, girl.
I got you, cannoli.
Don't worry, girl.
Good.
Don't worry, girl.
Good.
oh, there we go -- one dog Good.
oh, there we go -- one dog saved.
oh, there we go -- one dog saved.
one dog saved! Saved.
one dog saved! come on, buddy.
one dog saved! come on, buddy.
whoa! come on, buddy.
whoa! [ all screaming .]
whoa! [ all screaming .]
the [bleep.]
is wrong with you [ all screaming .]
the [bleep.]
is wrong with you guys? the [bleep.]
is wrong with you guys? Oh, my god.
Guys? Oh, my god.
I just [bleep.]
myself.
Oh, my god.
I just [bleep.]
myself.
[ laughs .]
I just [bleep.]
myself.
[ laughs .]
run, biscotti.
[ laughs .]
run, biscotti.
two saved dogs.
run, biscotti.
two saved dogs.
oh, my god.
two saved dogs.
oh, my god.
well done.
oh, my god.
well done.
move it.
well done.
move it.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
move it.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all right.
Hit the button.
Hit the button.
all right.
Let's move this tram.
all right.
Let's move this tram.
joe, we're about to go over Let's move this tram.
joe, we're about to go over water now.
joe, we're about to go over water now.
this is -- you got to stay Water now.
this is -- you got to stay low.
this is -- you got to stay low.
[ all screaming .]
Low.
[ all screaming .]
aah! [ all screaming .]
aah! why are you trying to kill aah! why are you trying to kill me? why are you trying to kill me? This is how I die.
Me? This is how I die.
joe.
This is how I die.
joe.
We're all from staten island, joe.
We're all from staten island, right? We're all from staten island, right? The forgotten borough.
Right? The forgotten borough.
yeah.
The forgotten borough.
yeah.
so this your chance to tell yeah.
so this your chance to tell the rest of the city to "suck so this your chance to tell the rest of the city to "suck it.
" The rest of the city to "suck it.
" so I want you to face all the It.
" so I want you to face all the different boroughs and tell them So I want you to face all the different boroughs and tell them to suck it.
Different boroughs and tell them to suck it.
captain fatbelly is done To suck it.
captain fatbelly is done being oppressed being from captain fatbelly is done being oppressed being from staten island.
Being oppressed being from staten island.
Attention, everyone not from Staten island.
Attention, everyone not from staten island -- Attention, everyone not from staten island -- y'all can suck it! Staten island -- y'all can suck it! [ laughter .]
Y'all can suck it! [ laughter .]
brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
Brooklyn, suck it! [ laughter .]
hey, hey, queens! [ laughter .]
hey, hey, queens! queens, suck it! hey, hey, queens! queens, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! queens, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! bronx, suck it! hey, hey, hey, the bronx! bronx, suck it! [ laughter .]
bronx, suck it! [ laughter .]
yo, manhattan.
[ laughter .]
yo, manhattan.
Suck it! yo, manhattan.
Suck it! jersey, suck it! Suck it! jersey, suck it! new jersey! jersey, suck it! new jersey! Suck it! new jersey! Suck it! rest of the world that's not Suck it! rest of the world that's not staten island.
rest of the world that's not staten island.
all you non-staten islanders, Staten island.
all you non-staten islanders, suck it! all you non-staten islanders, suck it! [ laughter .]
Suck it! [ laughter .]
canada, suck it! [ laughter .]
canada, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Canada, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! bermuda triangle, suck it! Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! [ laughter .]
Mount kilimanjaro, suck it! [ laughter .]
joe, that other tram is not [ laughter .]
joe, that other tram is not from staten island! joe, that other tram is not from staten island! other tram From staten island! other tram Suck it, suck it, suck it, other tram Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it! Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it, suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it! You suck it, other tram.
Suck it! [ laughter .]
Suck it! [ laughter .]
[ thuds .]
[ laughter .]
[ thuds .]
I heard sal fall.
[ thuds .]
I heard sal fall.
[ laughs .]
I heard sal fall.
[ laughs .]
guys, I told everyone to [ laughs .]
guys, I told everyone to "suck it.
" guys, I told everyone to "suck it.
" can we get moving? "suck it.
" can we get moving? [ laughter .]
Can we get moving? [ laughter .]
we're gonna bring it on home.
[ laughter .]
we're gonna bring it on home.
Back to the fortress of we're gonna bring it on home.
Back to the fortress of fattitude.
Back to the fortress of fattitude.
[ laughter .]
well, boys, I hope there's Doughnuts wherever we're going.
I got to carb up.
[ laughs .]
joe, you look like a Superhero right now.
The adventures of captain fatbelly! [ laughter .]