Impractical Jokers (2017) s04e22 Episode Script
Impractical Jokers: Unseen Scenes
[ "when the saints go marching in" plays .]
we're here at the world-famous pat o'brien's, playing a game we call World-famous pat o'brien's, playing a game we call "steal a sip.
" working in teams, one of us will have to distract a stranger Will have to distract a stranger while the other tries to steal While the other tries to steal a sip of his hurricane.
A sip of his hurricane.
if you can't get a sip, you if you can't get a sip, you lose.
Lose.
we're in new orleans? we're in new orleans? yeah.
yeah.
Whoo! guys, you know, this is the original place where this Original place where this hurricane drink was invented.
Hurricane drink was invented.
The hurricane sneaks up on you.
The hurricane sneaks up on you.
It tastes delicious, but you It tastes delicious, but you don't know it's got, like, Don't know it's got, like, everything in the kitchen sink Everything in the kitchen sink in it.
In it.
you're gonna try distracting.
you're gonna try distracting.
yes.
I got a plan.
yes.
I got a plan.
See those two women right there? See those two women right there? yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
go behind them.
go behind them.
okay.
okay.
all right? oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
what? [ laughing .]
what? You look like a creepy knight! You look like a creepy knight! they're already looking, they're already looking, murray.
Murray.
they're already looking at they're already looking at him.
Him.
[ robotically .]
IAm [ robotically .]
IAm Drunkboto.
Drunkboto.
murray, this is your chance! murray, this is your chance! IAmDrunkboto.
IAmDrunkboto.
what's that? what's that? look at me.
look at me.
you are so drunk! you are so drunk! aaaaah! aaaaah! hey! hey! [ laughing .]
what? What? [ laughing .]
what? What? you were drinking my drink! you were drinking my drink! what's that? what's that? she caught him! she caught him! She caught him! She caught him! She caught him! She caught him! [ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
do you know what type -- do you know what type -- what type plant this is? What type plant this is? I've never seen any flora like I've never seen any flora like this before.
This before.
[ growls .]
[ growls .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
you must be vegetarian.
you must be vegetarian.
hey, you want to try some of hey, you want to try some of this? This? get in there, murr! get in there, murr! This is it! This is it! This is amazing stuff! This is amazing stuff! ohhhhhhh! ohhhhhhh! ha ha ha! He got it! ha ha ha! He got it! [ growling .]
[ growling .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Three sips off one guy? Three sips off one guy? I've never seen a plant be more I've never seen a plant be more distracting in my life.
Distracting in my life.
here.
Let's have some more.
here.
Let's have some more.
[ growling .]
[ growling .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
let's name this plant.
Let's name this plant.
Let's name it.
Let's name it.
What would you name it? What would you name it? he took his phone.
he took his phone.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, like, uh -- like, uh -- oh, like, uh -- like, uh -- like chantreau? Like chantreau? [ laughing .]
chantreau? [ laughing .]
chantreau? all right, enough! Enough! all right, enough! Enough! all right.
We get it.
all right.
We get it.
We get it.
We get it.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
he don't give a [bleep.]
he don't give a [bleep.]
he's in the eye of the He's in the eye of the hurricane! Hurricane! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
dude.
I mean, come on.
dude.
I mean, come on.
I'm drunk, man.
I'm drunk, man.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
okay.
Q's turn to sip.
okay.
Q's turn to sip.
murr, why do you have so many murr, why do you have so many hurricanes? Hurricanes? hey, guys.
hey, guys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ready? Watch this.
Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Ready? All right? All right? q, you got to get in there! q, you got to get in there! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what is this guy doing? what is this guy doing? keep looking.
Keep looking.
keep looking.
Keep looking.
Look.
Ready? Look.
Ready? Wait.
Here.
Keep -- wait.
Wait.
Here.
Keep -- wait.
q got a sip! Q got a sip! q got a sip! Q got a sip! there.
Right? there.
Right? There.
Another one.
There.
Another one.
It's cold as [bleep.]
It's cold as [bleep.]
oh, it's working! oh, it's working! cheers! cheers! nice! nice! He still didn't see it! He still didn't see it! check.
check.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
you won't sip at all? you won't sip at all? I don't drink.
I don't drink.
You got to sip.
You got to sip.
there's no way I can convince there's no way I can convince you to drink? You to drink? no.
You -- no.
no.
You -- no.
I'm gonna distract.
I'm gonna distract.
hey, sal, do you know that hey, sal, do you know that when you take a drink out of a straw, 30% of it goes back into When you take a drink out of a straw, 30% of it goes back into the drink? Straw, 30% of it goes back into the drink? he's making it up.
The drink? he's making it up.
sal, if somebody goes to the he's making it up.
sal, if somebody goes to the bathroom and they touch sal, if somebody goes to the bathroom and they touch themselves Bathroom and they touch themselves don't -- tune him out.
Themselves don't -- tune him out.
And then they don't wash don't -- tune him out.
And then they don't wash their hands but then they And then they don't wash their hands but then they touch Their hands but then they touch the straw is in the drink.
Touch the straw is in the drink.
The straw and the drink, the straw is in the drink.
The straw and the drink, basically, you have somebody's The straw and the drink, basically, you have somebody's penis in your mouth.
Basically, you have somebody's penis in your mouth.
[ both laugh .]
hi, guys.
I was sitting here earlier.
I was sitting here earlier.
Did you see a wallet? Did you see a wallet? I lost my -- it was a black -- I lost my -- it was a black -- it's a black wallet.
It's a black wallet.
what is that right there? what is that right there? What is that? What is that? this is -- this is not this is -- this is not what are you doing? what are you doing? he's switching the drinks! he's switching the drinks! He's got her drink! He's got her drink! uh uh like, right in there.
like, right in there.
no.
I didn't see.
no.
I didn't see.
he's got her drink! he's got her drink! ohh.
ohh.
were you guys sitting here a were you guys sitting here a long time? Long time? he's got sips a-plenty now.
he's got sips a-plenty now.
no.
no.
why didn't you keep going, why didn't you keep going, you idiot? You idiot? you're gonna have to go for you're gonna have to go for speed on this one.
Speed on this one.
Follow my lead.
Follow my lead.
come with you right now? come with you right now? no! no! No.
Wait -- wait here.
No.
Wait -- wait here.
you just said follow your you just said follow your lead.
Lead.
follow -- follow my lead but follow -- follow my lead but don't follow me literally -- Don't follow me literally -- just my lead.
Just my lead.
guys, I'm seeing a well-oiled guys, I'm seeing a well-oiled machine out there.
Machine out there.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right, guys.
all right, guys.
You need 5 more to tie.
You need 5 more to tie.
what's he gonna do? what's he gonna do? What's he doing? What's he doing? whoa-oh! whoa-oh! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Whoa! Whoa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! oh, my god! oh, my god! ah! He got one! ah! He got one! oh, my god! oh, my god! Hurry! Hurry! oh, my god! Look at this guy! oh, my god! Look at this guy! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! he got two! he got two! He got two! He got two! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I fell in the fountain! I fell in the fountain! look at this guy! look at this guy! he got 3! He got 3! he got 3! He got 3! it's okay, man.
it's okay, man.
joe! joe! oh, come on, sal.
oh, come on, sal.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! holy [bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! how many sips did you get?! how many sips did you get?! you only got 8 sips! you only got 8 sips! all that work and you could all that work and you could have beat us! Have beat us! I'm not greg louganis! I'm not greg louganis! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
I-I tried to get [ laughing .]
I-I tried to get as much as I could.
As much as I could.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe and sal were outsipped, joe and sal were outsipped, putting them on the loser board.
from this point forward, our Putting them on the loser board.
from this point forward, our fate will once again be from this point forward, our fate will once again be determined by the Fate will once again be determined by the wheelOfDoom! Determined by the wheelOfDoom! each of us shall step forth wheelOfDoom! each of us shall step forth and take a spin on the each of us shall step forth and take a spin on the wheelOfDoom! And take a spin on the wheelOfDoom! to not lose, you must do as wheelOfDoom! to not lose, you must do as decreed by the to not lose, you must do as decreed by the wheelOfDoom! Decreed by the wheelOfDoom! guys, we're on bourbon street wheelOfDoom! guys, we're on bourbon street in new orleans, so it's the guys, we're on bourbon street in new orleans, so it's the wheelOfVoo-doo In new orleans, so it's the wheelOfVoo-doo Muh.
ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh! noooooooooooooo! noooooooooooooo! "hit on a girl while wearing "hit on a girl while wearing shorts and heels.
" Shorts and heels.
" the key word being "heels.
" the key word being "heels.
" [ laughter .]
oh, boy.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
you got to walk out there.
oh, boy.
you got to walk out there.
Walk out.
you got to walk out there.
Walk out.
come on, buddy.
Walk out.
come on, buddy.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on, buddy.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on out.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on out.
[ laughing .]
that's it.
come on out.
[ laughing .]
that's it.
yeah! Sexy! [ laughing .]
that's it.
yeah! Sexy! yeah! yeah! Sexy! yeah! watch the cobblestones.
yeah! watch the cobblestones.
[ laughter .]
watch the cobblestones.
[ laughter .]
here he goes.
Here he goes.
[ laughter .]
here he goes.
Here he goes.
oh, hey.
here he goes.
Here he goes.
oh, hey.
Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? oh, hey.
Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? I don't even know what I just Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? I don't even know what I just said.
I don't even know what I just said.
I don't know why I said that.
Said.
I don't know why I said that.
you got to hit on them, I don't know why I said that.
you got to hit on them, buddy, not stumble.
you got to hit on them, buddy, not stumble.
I-I understand.
Buddy, not stumble.
I-I understand.
you know, use your words to I-I understand.
you know, use your words to try to impress them to get a you know, use your words to try to impress them to get a phone number and/or date.
Try to impress them to get a phone number and/or date.
That's what "hit on" is, man.
Phone number and/or date.
That's what "hit on" is, man.
you got, uh, something else, That's what "hit on" is, man.
you got, uh, something else, you are.
you got, uh, something else, you are.
sal's wearing a pair of You are.
sal's wearing a pair of achilles' heels, apparently.
sal's wearing a pair of achilles' heels, apparently.
[ laughs, whistles .]
hey.
sal, at this point, I'll just give you the win if you talk to a woman successfully.
Give you the win if you talk to a woman successfully.
[ laughs .]
A woman successfully.
[ laughs .]
hey.
[ laughs .]
hey.
Are you, uh -- you've been hey.
Are you, uh -- you've been running in my head for days.
Are you, uh -- you've been running in my head for days.
[ laughs .]
Running in my head for days.
[ laughs .]
I, uh [ laughs .]
I, uh I'm really, like, just hanging I, uh I'm really, like, just hanging out.
I'm really, like, just hanging out.
I want to see -- Out.
I want to see -- I'm just trying -- I want to see -- I'm just trying -- just [bleep.]
it.
I'm just trying -- just [bleep.]
it.
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
Just [bleep.]
it.
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
here we go.
all right, murray! all right, murray! come on, murray.
come on, murray.
bam! bam! come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
"jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! want to kick his nuts? want to kick his nuts? Kick his nuts? Kick his nuts? [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
get kicked in the nuts! get kicked in the nuts! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right.
all right.
So, what do I got to do here? So, what do I got to do here? wheel of voo-doom states you wheel of voo-doom states you need to get kicked in the nuts Need to get kicked in the nuts by a little kid.
By a little kid.
can I ask you a question? can I ask you a question? How old is your son? How old is your son? uh, yes.
uh, yes.
oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is gonna sound strange.
This is gonna sound strange.
I need somebody under 13, um I need somebody under 13, um To -- to kick me.
To -- to kick me.
In the nuts, yes.
In the nuts, yes.
[ laughs .]
get him! Get him! [ laughs .]
get him! Get him! do you think you can do it? do you think you can do it? Okay.
What's your name? Okay.
What's your name? Landon? Landon? landon! Landon! Landon! 1, 2, 3! Go! 1, 2, go! 1, 2, go! [ whimpers .]
[ groans and laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
[ groans and laughter .]
can we just talk for a second? [ groans and laughter .]
can we just talk for a second? the wheel of voo-doom has Can we just talk for a second? the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
I want a new spin on the Spoken.
I want a new spin on the wheel of voo-doom! I want a new spin on the wheel of voo-doom! murr, you can take the loss Wheel of voo-doom! murr, you can take the loss if you want.
murr, you can take the loss if you want.
1, 2, 3.
Go! If you want.
1, 2, 3.
Go! [bleep.]
1, 2, 3.
Go! [bleep.]
[ groans and laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ groans and laughter .]
got it.
[ groans and laughter .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
Got it.
[ ding! .]
all right.
[ ding! .]
all right.
wheel of voo-doom, baby! yeah! you're up! you're up! Yeah! Yeah! spin that wheel! spin that wheel! "get a picture taken while "get a picture taken while humping a plant/pole"? Humping a plant/pole"? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what? bourbon street awaits, What? bourbon street awaits, little humper.
bourbon street awaits, little humper.
wheel of voo-doom's having Little humper.
wheel of voo-doom's having fun with us today, boys.
wheel of voo-doom's having fun with us today, boys.
q, isn't it ironic, 'cause Fun with us today, boys.
q, isn't it ironic, 'cause didn't you pay to watch people q, isn't it ironic, 'cause didn't you pay to watch people hump poles last night? Didn't you pay to watch people hump poles last night? [ laughs .]
Hump poles last night? [ laughs .]
do you mind taking a photo [ laughs .]
do you mind taking a photo for me real quick? do you mind taking a photo for me real quick? Thank you very much.
For me real quick? Thank you very much.
It's for my mom.
Thank you very much.
It's for my mom.
New orleans is her favorite It's for my mom.
New orleans is her favorite city, so I want to do it, okay? New orleans is her favorite city, so I want to do it, okay? On 3.
City, so I want to do it, okay? On 3.
All right.
1 On 3.
All right.
1 [ laughs .]
All right.
1 [ laughs .]
you know it's coming.
[ laughs .]
you know it's coming.
2 You know it's coming.
2 smile.
2 smile.
no! Get into it! smile.
no! Get into it! get into it.
no! Get into it! get into it.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! get into it.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! 1, 2, 3.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! 1, 2, 3.
yeah! 1, 2, 3.
yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! look at him.
Yeah! Yeah! look at him.
You realize what you were doing, look at him.
You realize what you were doing, you idiot? You realize what you were doing, you idiot? [ laughter .]
You idiot? [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right, wheel of voo-doom.
Treat me right! here we go.
here we go.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
where's it gonna stop? where's it gonna stop? ohhhh! ohhhh! "the human beignet"! "the human beignet"! yes! yes! man! man! a beignet is a new orleans a beignet is a new orleans specialty.
It's a pastry with powdered Specialty.
It's a pastry with powdered sugar on it, right? It's a pastry with powdered sugar on it, right? yeah.
Sugar on it, right? yeah.
oh, they're delish.
yeah.
oh, they're delish.
They are delish.
oh, they're delish.
They are delish.
[ laughter .]
They are delish.
[ laughter .]
we're gonna douse you in [ laughter .]
we're gonna douse you in powdered sugar, and you got to we're gonna douse you in powdered sugar, and you got to get licked off.
Powdered sugar, and you got to get licked off.
well, sounds like a Tuesday Get licked off.
well, sounds like a Tuesday night.
well, sounds like a Tuesday night.
oh, I can't wait to see this.
Night.
oh, I can't wait to see this.
[ laughs .]
oh, I can't wait to see this.
[ laughs .]
you look like you spent the [ laughs .]
you look like you spent the night at scarface's house.
you look like you spent the night at scarface's house.
I'm the human beignet.
Night at scarface's house.
I'm the human beignet.
oh, my god.
I'm the human beignet.
oh, my god.
look at your footprints.
oh, my god.
look at your footprints.
Look at your footprints.
look at your footprints.
Look at your footprints.
well, I can't commit a crime.
Look at your footprints.
well, I can't commit a crime.
[ laughter .]
well, I can't commit a crime.
[ laughter .]
I'm the human beignet.
[ laughter .]
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
You want to go after a human I'm the human beignet.
You want to go after a human beignet? You want to go after a human beignet? You want a lick? No? No? Beignet? You want a lick? No? No? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? No? No? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
You want a lick? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
no? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
no? lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
no? lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
Lick me.
lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
Lick me.
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
Lick me.
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
[ laughs .]
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
[ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughs .]
come on.
You want some human beignet? come on.
You want some human beignet? Take a lick right here.
You want some human beignet? Take a lick right here.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Take a lick right here.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
yeah! Go ahead.
Go ahead.
yeah! ohhhhh! yeah! ohhhhh! who wants some human beignet? ohhhhh! who wants some human beignet? Give it a lick.
who wants some human beignet? Give it a lick.
all right.
All right.
Give it a lick.
all right.
All right.
Ahhh.
all right.
All right.
Ahhh.
ohhhhhhhhh! Ahhh.
ohhhhhhhhh! you're a smoker, huh? ohhhhhhhhh! you're a smoker, huh? [ laughter .]
you're a smoker, huh? [ laughter .]
it's bourbon street! Suck it! [ laughter .]
it's bourbon street! Suck it! [ ding! .]
It's bourbon street! Suck it! [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
the wheel of voo-doom has [ laughter .]
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
Sal's taking another spin on the Spoken.
Sal's taking another spin on the loser board.
Sal's taking another spin on the loser board.
today we're cruising around Loser board.
today we're cruising around new orleans, giving out today we're cruising around new orleans, giving out horse-and-buggy rides.
New orleans, giving out horse-and-buggy rides.
and while we're making Horse-and-buggy rides.
and while we're making chitchat, we'll have to do and and while we're making chitchat, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Chitchat, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
and if you [voice cracks.]
Say what the other guys tell us.
and if you [voice cracks.]
refuse, you lose.
and if you [voice cracks.]
refuse, you lose.
you got to excuse q.
Refuse, you lose.
you got to excuse q.
He's a little "horse.
" you got to excuse q.
He's a little "horse.
" [ laughs .]
He's a little "horse.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
ow, my foot! My foot! [ laughter .]
ow, my foot! My foot! You're crushing my digits! how you guys doing? I'm training to drive the I'm training to drive the horses.
Horses.
we're giving chase to sal we're giving chase to sal yes.
yes.
Who's one horse carriage Who's one horse carriage ahead of us.
Ahead of us.
We're following closely behind, We're following closely behind, telling him what to do.
Telling him what to do.
sal, point down the side and sal, point down the side and go, "and there is the best spot in the whole city to get a Go, "and there is the best spot in the whole city to get a new orleans blowhole.
" In the whole city to get a new orleans blowhole.
" right over here is the best New orleans blowhole.
" right over here is the best spot in the city to get a right over here is the best spot in the city to get a new orleans blowhole.
Spot in the city to get a new orleans blowhole.
okay.
Good to know.
New orleans blowhole.
okay.
Good to know.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Good to know.
[ laughter .]
sal, I want you to get a [ laughter .]
sal, I want you to get a phone call from your father.
sal, I want you to get a phone call from your father.
hello? Phone call from your father.
hello? Hey, dad.
hello? Hey, dad.
I'm in the middle of a tour.
Hey, dad.
I'm in the middle of a tour.
keep referring to him as I'm in the middle of a tour.
keep referring to him as "bitch" and "your bitch" while keep referring to him as "bitch" and "your bitch" while talking to him.
"bitch" and "your bitch" while talking to him.
yeah.
I know.
Talking to him.
yeah.
I know.
I'll be home later.
yeah.
I know.
I'll be home later.
All right, you little bitch.
I'll be home later.
All right, you little bitch.
[ laughter .]
All right, you little bitch.
[ laughter .]
I did say, "bitch.
" [ laughter .]
I did say, "bitch.
" first you were mom's bitch.
I did say, "bitch.
" first you were mom's bitch.
Now you're my bitch, bitch.
First you were mom's bitch.
Now you're my bitch, bitch.
Yeah.
No, father's day is -- Now you're my bitch, bitch.
Yeah.
No, father's day is -- yeah, it's in like two weeks, Yeah.
No, father's day is -- yeah, it's in like two weeks, bitch.
Yeah, it's in like two weeks, bitch.
"what do you want, bitch?" Bitch.
"what do you want, bitch?" what do you want for "what do you want, bitch?" what do you want for father's day, bitch? what do you want for father's day, bitch? look at his face.
Father's day, bitch? look at his face.
all right.
Got to go.
look at his face.
all right.
Got to go.
Bye, bitch.
all right.
Got to go.
Bye, bitch.
[ ding! .]
Bye, bitch.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hey, guys.
How you doing? I'm a driver in training, and I'm a driver in training, and I'm just gonna join the ride.
I'm just gonna join the ride.
It's a beautiful walk up on the It's a beautiful walk up on the water here.
Water here.
"let me tell you something.
"let me tell you something.
I need these rides.
I need these rides.
I come on these rides just to I come on these rides just to get away from my skanky Get away from my skanky stepdaughters.
" Stepdaughters.
" [ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
Let me tell you something.
I need these rides.
I come on these rides I need these rides.
I come on these rides [ laughs .]
I come on these rides [ laughs .]
I come on these rides to stay [ laughs .]
I come on these rides to stay away from my skanky I come on these rides to stay away from my skanky stepdaughters.
Away from my skanky stepdaughters.
oh! Stepdaughters.
oh! uh-oh! oh! uh-oh! yeah.
uh-oh! yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
you know, I didn't raise [ laughs .]
you know, I didn't raise them, so, you know, you have to you know, I didn't raise them, so, you know, you have to deal with what you were given, Them, so, you know, you have to deal with what you were given, but the way they dress and the Deal with what you were given, but the way they dress and the photos -- superskanky.
But the way they dress and the photos -- superskanky.
[ laughter .]
Photos -- superskanky.
[ laughter .]
joe, just start, like, [ laughter .]
joe, just start, like, singing to yourself joe, just start, like, singing to yourself suckin' toes, suckin' toes Singing to yourself suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' toes every day you suckin' toes Toes every day you suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes every day you suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes Tuesday, suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes Tuesday, suckin' toes [ laughs .]
Tuesday, suckin' toes [ laughs .]
Tuesday, Wednesday, [ laughs .]
Tuesday, Wednesday, take those toes Tuesday, Wednesday, take those toes and Thursday's day of rest Take those toes and Thursday's day of rest but Friday, right, and Thursday's day of rest but Friday, right, I'm back at it but Friday, right, I'm back at it I'm suckin' them toes I'm back at it I'm suckin' them toes I take that toe, I put it in I'm suckin' them toes I take that toe, I put it in my mouth, and that's the way it I take that toe, I put it in my mouth, and that's the way it goes, hey! My mouth, and that's the way it goes, hey! lot of memorabilia up this Goes, hey! lot of memorabilia up this avenue.
Lot of memorabilia up this avenue.
[ laughter .]
Avenue.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right.
and here we go.
and here we go.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
all right.
Is this your first time in Is this your first time in new orleans? New orleans? this is my third.
this is my third.
oh, third? oh, third? "here's something I need.
"here's something I need.
I need some relationship I need some relationship advice" hey, maybe you guys can help Advice" hey, maybe you guys can help me out.
hey, maybe you guys can help me out.
I need some relationship advice.
Me out.
I need some relationship advice.
"For a guy in love with a I need some relationship advice.
"For a guy in love with a girl" "For a guy in love with a girl" what advice would you give a Girl" what advice would you give a guy who's in love with a girl what advice would you give a guy who's in love with a girl "With a restraining order Guy who's in love with a girl "With a restraining order against him?" "With a restraining order against him?" Who had a restraining Against him?" Who had a restraining order against him? Who had a restraining order against him? What sort of advice Order against him? What sort of advice whoa! What sort of advice whoa! let it go.
whoa! let it go.
[ laughter .]
let it go.
[ laughter .]
"you know what I'd do.
[ laughter .]
"you know what I'd do.
I'd put a straining order on "you know what I'd do.
I'd put a straining order on her.
" I'd put a straining order on her.
" so, she got a restraining Her.
" so, she got a restraining order on me.
so, she got a restraining order on me.
I'd put a straining order on Order on me.
I'd put a straining order on her.
I'd put a straining order on her.
You know what I mean? Her.
You know what I mean? [ laughter .]
You know what I mean? [ laughter .]
so now they cancel each other [ laughter .]
so now they cancel each other out, as far as I'm concerned.
So now they cancel each other out, as far as I'm concerned.
Legally, we could hang out.
Out, as far as I'm concerned.
Legally, we could hang out.
[ laughter .]
Legally, we could hang out.
[ laughter .]
hey, q, can you ask to borrow [ laughter .]
hey, q, can you ask to borrow a dollar from one of them real hey, q, can you ask to borrow a dollar from one of them real quick? A dollar from one of them real quick? does anybody have a dollar I Quick? does anybody have a dollar I could borrow? does anybody have a dollar I could borrow? Okay.
Thank you.
Could borrow? Okay.
Thank you.
now, q, hold it up and rip it Okay.
Thank you.
now, q, hold it up and rip it to shreds and say, "money means now, q, hold it up and rip it to shreds and say, "money means nothing to me.
" To shreds and say, "money means nothing to me.
" [ laughs .]
Nothing to me.
" [ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
q, just stare off and just q, just stare off and just say, "one last ride and it's night-night forever.
" Say, "one last ride and it's night-night forever.
" [ laughter .]
Night-night forever.
" [ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
one last ride, and then it's [ sighs .]
one last ride, and then it's night-night forever.
One last ride, and then it's night-night forever.
[ melancholy music plays .]
Night-night forever.
[ melancholy music plays .]
see you soon, ma! [ melancholy music plays .]
see you soon, ma! [ laughter .]
See you soon, ma! [ laughter .]
q, just jump out of the [ laughter .]
q, just jump out of the carriage and run away.
q, just jump out of the carriage and run away.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Carriage and run away.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Aw [bleep.]
it.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Aw [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
aw [bleep.]
it.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
how are you guys today -- good? Good? good! good! murr, you're having some sort murr, you're having some sort of belt malfunction.
Of belt malfunction.
You're gonna be mooning your You're gonna be mooning your passengers.
Passengers.
Start showing more and more of Start showing more and more of your ass every time you stand up.
Your ass every time you stand up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
murray's ass, [ laughter .]
murray's ass, a.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" murray's ass, a.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" [ laughter .]
A.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" [ laughter .]
okay.
Um [ laughter .]
okay.
Um We're on the very famous okay.
Um We're on the very famous decatur street.
We're on the very famous decatur street.
If you take notice to your Decatur street.
If you take notice to your right, you can see that some of If you take notice to your right, you can see that some of the architecture is very, very Right, you can see that some of the architecture is very, very old.
The architecture is very, very old.
not enough ass, bro.
Old.
not enough ass, bro.
Barely any ass.
not enough ass, bro.
Barely any ass.
[ laughter .]
Barely any ass.
[ laughter .]
they built this gazebo right [ laughter .]
they built this gazebo right over here, if you look, in the they built this gazebo right over here, if you look, in the year 1815.
Over here, if you look, in the year 1815.
It burned down, believe it or Year 1815.
It burned down, believe it or not.
It burned down, believe it or not.
"they had to rebuild it Not.
"they had to rebuild it because there was a huge crack "they had to rebuild it because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" Because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" they had to rebuild that In the foundation.
" they had to rebuild that because there was a huge crack they had to rebuild that because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" Because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" [ laughs .]
In the foundation.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
"you haven't lived until [ laughter .]
"you haven't lived until you've seen moonlight on the "you haven't lived until you've seen moonlight on the bayou.
" You've seen moonlight on the bayou.
" [ sweeping orchestral music Bayou.
" [ sweeping orchestral music plays .]
[ sweeping orchestral music plays .]
you have not lived until Plays .]
you have not lived until you've seen moonlight on the you have not lived until you've seen moonlight on the bayou.
You've seen moonlight on the bayou.
[ laughter .]
Bayou.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! "tonight's a half moon.
" oh, my god! "tonight's a half moon.
" tonight is actually a half "tonight's a half moon.
" tonight is actually a half moon.
tonight is actually a half moon.
[ laughter .]
Moon.
[ laughter .]
you have to take the city in [ laughter .]
you have to take the city in as a whole -- "a-hole.
" you have to take the city in as a whole -- "a-hole.
" [ laughter .]
As a whole -- "a-hole.
" [ laughter .]
you really have to take in [ laughter .]
you really have to take in the city as a whole.
you really have to take in the city as a whole.
One thing about new orleans is The city as a whole.
One thing about new orleans is it's all it's cracked up to be.
One thing about new orleans is it's all it's cracked up to be.
[ ding! .]
It's all it's cracked up to be.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
sal was taken for a ride, so [ laughter .]
sal was taken for a ride, so he's tonight's big loser.
sal was taken for a ride, so he's tonight's big loser.
hey! It's the end of the He's tonight's big loser.
hey! It's the end of the new orleans episode, and we're hey! It's the end of the new orleans episode, and we're here in the bayou for sal's New orleans episode, and we're here in the bayou for sal's punishment.
Here in the bayou for sal's punishment.
"bog monster of louisiana"? Punishment.
"bog monster of louisiana"? What is that? "bog monster of louisiana"? What is that? Am I the bog monster? What is that? Am I the bog monster? [ laughter .]
Am I the bog monster? [ laughter .]
is that my face? [ laughter .]
is that my face? I don't look like Is that my face? I don't look like the bog monster.
I don't look like the bog monster.
you will.
The bog monster.
you will.
[ laughter .]
you will.
[ laughter .]
[ suspenseful music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ suspenseful music plays .]
the bog monster has come [ suspenseful music plays .]
the bog monster has come home.
the bog monster has come home.
that's it, buddy.
Home.
that's it, buddy.
don't know if you can see him that's it, buddy.
don't know if you can see him through the camouflage, but he's don't know if you can see him through the camouflage, but he's right there.
Through the camouflage, but he's right there.
I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
Right there.
I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
so, you're a big attraction I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
so, you're a big attraction on the tour that's about to come so, you're a big attraction on the tour that's about to come through.
On the tour that's about to come through.
a tour is gonna come through Through.
a tour is gonna come through here? a tour is gonna come through here? yes, and they're going to see Here? yes, and they're going to see the rare bog monster of yes, and they're going to see the rare bog monster of louisiana.
The rare bog monster of louisiana.
and we're just gonna walk you Louisiana.
and we're just gonna walk you through.
and we're just gonna walk you through.
Whatever we say, the bog monster Through.
Whatever we say, the bog monster does.
Whatever we say, the bog monster does.
these guys are -- Does.
these guys are -- I can't do it, I can't do it, these guys are -- I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it! I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it! Ohh! I can't do it! Ohh! [ laughs .]
Ohh! [ laughs .]
oh, god.
[ laughs .]
oh, god.
Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! oh, god.
Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! all right, all right.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god! all right, all right.
Let's bring on the tourists! all right, all right.
Let's bring on the tourists! here they come.
Let's bring on the tourists! here they come.
sal, hide back there, bud.
here they come.
sal, hide back there, bud.
oh, I hate bugs.
sal, hide back there, bud.
oh, I hate bugs.
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
oh, I hate bugs.
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
There's all sorts of [bleep.]
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
There's all sorts of [bleep.]
weird fish and organisms! There's all sorts of [bleep.]
weird fish and organisms! ladies and gentlemen, you are Weird fish and organisms! ladies and gentlemen, you are in for the treat of treats.
ladies and gentlemen, you are in for the treat of treats.
oh, god.
In for the treat of treats.
oh, god.
the rarest of all creatures oh, god.
the rarest of all creatures lives in this swamp, and we like the rarest of all creatures lives in this swamp, and we like to call it the bog monster of Lives in this swamp, and we like to call it the bog monster of louisiana.
To call it the bog monster of louisiana.
Some say he came from Italy.
Louisiana.
Some say he came from Italy.
[ insect buzzes .]
Some say he came from Italy.
[ insect buzzes .]
some say he came from Spain.
[ insect buzzes .]
some say he came from Spain.
Most people think it's mexico -- Some say he came from Spain.
Most people think it's mexico -- the mexican bog monster.
Most people think it's mexico -- the mexican bog monster.
it's the bog monster making The mexican bog monster.
it's the bog monster making an appearance! it's the bog monster making an appearance! Wow! What a treat! An appearance! Wow! What a treat! Look at him in his natural Wow! What a treat! Look at him in his natural habitat.
Look at him in his natural habitat.
[ groans .]
Habitat.
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
I mean, ask yourself, "what [ laughter .]
I mean, ask yourself, "what does a bog monster eat?" I mean, ask yourself, "what does a bog monster eat?" his absolute favorite is fish.
Does a bog monster eat?" his absolute favorite is fish.
oh, raw fish.
His absolute favorite is fish.
oh, raw fish.
I'm gonna throw it at him, oh, raw fish.
I'm gonna throw it at him, and let's watch as he consumes I'm gonna throw it at him, and let's watch as he consumes it.
And let's watch as he consumes it.
Go get it! It.
Go get it! Go get it, bog monster! Go get it! Go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! Go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! aaaaaaah! Get it! aaaaaaah! [ growls .]
aaaaaaah! [ growls .]
get it, bog monster! [ growls .]
get it, bog monster! [ shrieking .]
get it, bog monster! [ shrieking .]
uh-oh.
[ shrieking .]
uh-oh.
oh, my [bleep.]
god! uh-oh.
oh, my [bleep.]
god! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my [bleep.]
god! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my god! What's that?! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my god! What's that?! oh, my god! oh, my god! What's that?! oh, my god! alligator.
oh, my god! alligator.
[ laughter .]
alligator.
[ laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
[ laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
get back! [ whimpers .]
get back! Get back! get back! Get back! oww! [bleep.]
Get back! oww! [bleep.]
it's not a helmet? oww! [bleep.]
it's not a helmet? no! it's not a helmet? no! he's getting tired.
no! he's getting tired.
You can tell that the bog he's getting tired.
You can tell that the bog monster's tired.
You can tell that the bog monster's tired.
Most people want to know how he Monster's tired.
Most people want to know how he sleeps.
Most people want to know how he sleeps.
It's very weird how he rests.
Sleeps.
It's very weird how he rests.
He actually puts his whole body It's very weird how he rests.
He actually puts his whole body underwater, up to his chin, all He actually puts his whole body underwater, up to his chin, all the way to expose just -- just Underwater, up to his chin, all the way to expose just -- just his head.
The way to expose just -- just his head.
right there.
Right there.
His head.
right there.
Right there.
just his head.
right there.
Right there.
just his head.
See? He's going in for a rest.
just his head.
See? He's going in for a rest.
there he goes.
See? He's going in for a rest.
there he goes.
Oh, taking a nap.
there he goes.
Oh, taking a nap.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- Oh, taking a nap.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- the fish, the parasites.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- the fish, the parasites.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
The fish, the parasites.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
all the way down.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
all the way down.
There he goes.
all the way down.
There he goes.
aw, look at the bog monster.
There he goes.
aw, look at the bog monster.
oh.
But, see, now, the warm aw, look at the bog monster.
oh.
But, see, now, the warm water -- it affects the oh.
But, see, now, the warm water -- it affects the bog monster, and, actually, it's Water -- it affects the bog monster, and, actually, it's some form of arousal sometimes Bog monster, and, actually, it's some form of arousal sometimes where he'll stand up and start Some form of arousal sometimes where he'll stand up and start doing his mating dance, which is Where he'll stand up and start doing his mating dance, which is quite effeminate.
Doing his mating dance, which is quite effeminate.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
Quite effeminate.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
I'm gonna kill you three.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
I'm gonna kill you three.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna kill you three.
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ music continues .]
[ laughter .]
[ music continues .]
yeah! [ music continues .]
yeah! oh, god! yeah! oh, god! ohh! Ohh! oh, god! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! It's attracted a mate! Ohh! Ohh! It's attracted a mate! it attracted another bog It's attracted a mate! it attracted another bog monster with the mating dance! Life.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
bye, guys! bye, guys! There he goes.
Ohh.
There he goes.
Ohh.
go bog yourself.
go bog yourself.
ohh! ohh! [ laughter .]
we're here at the world-famous pat o'brien's, playing a game we call World-famous pat o'brien's, playing a game we call "steal a sip.
" working in teams, one of us will have to distract a stranger Will have to distract a stranger while the other tries to steal While the other tries to steal a sip of his hurricane.
A sip of his hurricane.
if you can't get a sip, you if you can't get a sip, you lose.
Lose.
we're in new orleans? we're in new orleans? yeah.
yeah.
Whoo! guys, you know, this is the original place where this Original place where this hurricane drink was invented.
Hurricane drink was invented.
The hurricane sneaks up on you.
The hurricane sneaks up on you.
It tastes delicious, but you It tastes delicious, but you don't know it's got, like, Don't know it's got, like, everything in the kitchen sink Everything in the kitchen sink in it.
In it.
you're gonna try distracting.
you're gonna try distracting.
yes.
I got a plan.
yes.
I got a plan.
See those two women right there? See those two women right there? yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah, yeah, yeah.
go behind them.
go behind them.
okay.
okay.
all right? oh, my god.
[ laughing .]
what? [ laughing .]
what? You look like a creepy knight! You look like a creepy knight! they're already looking, they're already looking, murray.
Murray.
they're already looking at they're already looking at him.
Him.
[ robotically .]
IAm [ robotically .]
IAm Drunkboto.
Drunkboto.
murray, this is your chance! murray, this is your chance! IAmDrunkboto.
IAmDrunkboto.
what's that? what's that? look at me.
look at me.
you are so drunk! you are so drunk! aaaaah! aaaaah! hey! hey! [ laughing .]
what? What? [ laughing .]
what? What? you were drinking my drink! you were drinking my drink! what's that? what's that? she caught him! she caught him! She caught him! She caught him! She caught him! She caught him! [ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
do you know what type -- do you know what type -- what type plant this is? What type plant this is? I've never seen any flora like I've never seen any flora like this before.
This before.
[ growls .]
[ growls .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
you must be vegetarian.
you must be vegetarian.
hey, you want to try some of hey, you want to try some of this? This? get in there, murr! get in there, murr! This is it! This is it! This is amazing stuff! This is amazing stuff! ohhhhhhh! ohhhhhhh! ha ha ha! He got it! ha ha ha! He got it! [ growling .]
[ growling .]
oh, my god.
oh, my god.
Three sips off one guy? Three sips off one guy? I've never seen a plant be more I've never seen a plant be more distracting in my life.
Distracting in my life.
here.
Let's have some more.
here.
Let's have some more.
[ growling .]
[ growling .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ speaks indistinctly .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
let's name this plant.
Let's name this plant.
Let's name it.
Let's name it.
What would you name it? What would you name it? he took his phone.
he took his phone.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
oh, like, uh -- like, uh -- oh, like, uh -- like, uh -- like chantreau? Like chantreau? [ laughing .]
chantreau? [ laughing .]
chantreau? all right, enough! Enough! all right, enough! Enough! all right.
We get it.
all right.
We get it.
We get it.
We get it.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
he don't give a [bleep.]
he don't give a [bleep.]
he's in the eye of the He's in the eye of the hurricane! Hurricane! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
dude.
I mean, come on.
dude.
I mean, come on.
I'm drunk, man.
I'm drunk, man.
[ both laugh .]
[ both laugh .]
okay.
Q's turn to sip.
okay.
Q's turn to sip.
murr, why do you have so many murr, why do you have so many hurricanes? Hurricanes? hey, guys.
hey, guys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ready? Watch this.
Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Ready? All right? All right? q, you got to get in there! q, you got to get in there! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
what is this guy doing? what is this guy doing? keep looking.
Keep looking.
keep looking.
Keep looking.
Look.
Ready? Look.
Ready? Wait.
Here.
Keep -- wait.
Wait.
Here.
Keep -- wait.
q got a sip! Q got a sip! q got a sip! Q got a sip! there.
Right? there.
Right? There.
Another one.
There.
Another one.
It's cold as [bleep.]
It's cold as [bleep.]
oh, it's working! oh, it's working! cheers! cheers! nice! nice! He still didn't see it! He still didn't see it! check.
check.
[ ding! .]
[ ding! .]
you won't sip at all? you won't sip at all? I don't drink.
I don't drink.
You got to sip.
You got to sip.
there's no way I can convince there's no way I can convince you to drink? You to drink? no.
You -- no.
no.
You -- no.
I'm gonna distract.
I'm gonna distract.
hey, sal, do you know that hey, sal, do you know that when you take a drink out of a straw, 30% of it goes back into When you take a drink out of a straw, 30% of it goes back into the drink? Straw, 30% of it goes back into the drink? he's making it up.
The drink? he's making it up.
sal, if somebody goes to the he's making it up.
sal, if somebody goes to the bathroom and they touch sal, if somebody goes to the bathroom and they touch themselves Bathroom and they touch themselves don't -- tune him out.
Themselves don't -- tune him out.
And then they don't wash don't -- tune him out.
And then they don't wash their hands but then they And then they don't wash their hands but then they touch Their hands but then they touch the straw is in the drink.
Touch the straw is in the drink.
The straw and the drink, the straw is in the drink.
The straw and the drink, basically, you have somebody's The straw and the drink, basically, you have somebody's penis in your mouth.
Basically, you have somebody's penis in your mouth.
[ both laugh .]
hi, guys.
I was sitting here earlier.
I was sitting here earlier.
Did you see a wallet? Did you see a wallet? I lost my -- it was a black -- I lost my -- it was a black -- it's a black wallet.
It's a black wallet.
what is that right there? what is that right there? What is that? What is that? this is -- this is not this is -- this is not what are you doing? what are you doing? he's switching the drinks! he's switching the drinks! He's got her drink! He's got her drink! uh uh like, right in there.
like, right in there.
no.
I didn't see.
no.
I didn't see.
he's got her drink! he's got her drink! ohh.
ohh.
were you guys sitting here a were you guys sitting here a long time? Long time? he's got sips a-plenty now.
he's got sips a-plenty now.
no.
no.
why didn't you keep going, why didn't you keep going, you idiot? You idiot? you're gonna have to go for you're gonna have to go for speed on this one.
Speed on this one.
Follow my lead.
Follow my lead.
come with you right now? come with you right now? no! no! No.
Wait -- wait here.
No.
Wait -- wait here.
you just said follow your you just said follow your lead.
Lead.
follow -- follow my lead but follow -- follow my lead but don't follow me literally -- Don't follow me literally -- just my lead.
Just my lead.
guys, I'm seeing a well-oiled guys, I'm seeing a well-oiled machine out there.
Machine out there.
[ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right, guys.
all right, guys.
You need 5 more to tie.
You need 5 more to tie.
what's he gonna do? what's he gonna do? What's he doing? What's he doing? whoa-oh! whoa-oh! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Whoa! Whoa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa! oh, my god! oh, my god! ah! He got one! ah! He got one! oh, my god! oh, my god! Hurry! Hurry! oh, my god! Look at this guy! oh, my god! Look at this guy! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! he got two! he got two! He got two! He got two! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
I fell in the fountain! I fell in the fountain! look at this guy! look at this guy! he got 3! He got 3! he got 3! He got 3! it's okay, man.
it's okay, man.
joe! joe! oh, come on, sal.
oh, come on, sal.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! holy [bleep.]
holy [bleep.]
oh, my god! Oh, my god! how many sips did you get?! how many sips did you get?! you only got 8 sips! you only got 8 sips! all that work and you could all that work and you could have beat us! Have beat us! I'm not greg louganis! I'm not greg louganis! [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughing .]
I-I tried to get [ laughing .]
I-I tried to get as much as I could.
As much as I could.
[ buzzer .]
[ buzzer .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
joe and sal were outsipped, joe and sal were outsipped, putting them on the loser board.
from this point forward, our Putting them on the loser board.
from this point forward, our fate will once again be from this point forward, our fate will once again be determined by the Fate will once again be determined by the wheelOfDoom! Determined by the wheelOfDoom! each of us shall step forth wheelOfDoom! each of us shall step forth and take a spin on the each of us shall step forth and take a spin on the wheelOfDoom! And take a spin on the wheelOfDoom! to not lose, you must do as wheelOfDoom! to not lose, you must do as decreed by the to not lose, you must do as decreed by the wheelOfDoom! Decreed by the wheelOfDoom! guys, we're on bourbon street wheelOfDoom! guys, we're on bourbon street in new orleans, so it's the guys, we're on bourbon street in new orleans, so it's the wheelOfVoo-doo In new orleans, so it's the wheelOfVoo-doo Muh.
ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh! noooooooooooooo! noooooooooooooo! "hit on a girl while wearing "hit on a girl while wearing shorts and heels.
" Shorts and heels.
" the key word being "heels.
" the key word being "heels.
" [ laughter .]
oh, boy.
[ laughter .]
oh, boy.
you got to walk out there.
oh, boy.
you got to walk out there.
Walk out.
you got to walk out there.
Walk out.
come on, buddy.
Walk out.
come on, buddy.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on, buddy.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on out.
[ burlesque music plays .]
come on out.
[ laughing .]
that's it.
come on out.
[ laughing .]
that's it.
yeah! Sexy! [ laughing .]
that's it.
yeah! Sexy! yeah! yeah! Sexy! yeah! watch the cobblestones.
yeah! watch the cobblestones.
[ laughter .]
watch the cobblestones.
[ laughter .]
here he goes.
Here he goes.
[ laughter .]
here he goes.
Here he goes.
oh, hey.
here he goes.
Here he goes.
oh, hey.
Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? oh, hey.
Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? I don't even know what I just Uh, you, uh -- do you like pie? I don't even know what I just said.
I don't even know what I just said.
I don't know why I said that.
Said.
I don't know why I said that.
you got to hit on them, I don't know why I said that.
you got to hit on them, buddy, not stumble.
you got to hit on them, buddy, not stumble.
I-I understand.
Buddy, not stumble.
I-I understand.
you know, use your words to I-I understand.
you know, use your words to try to impress them to get a you know, use your words to try to impress them to get a phone number and/or date.
Try to impress them to get a phone number and/or date.
That's what "hit on" is, man.
Phone number and/or date.
That's what "hit on" is, man.
you got, uh, something else, That's what "hit on" is, man.
you got, uh, something else, you are.
you got, uh, something else, you are.
sal's wearing a pair of You are.
sal's wearing a pair of achilles' heels, apparently.
sal's wearing a pair of achilles' heels, apparently.
[ laughs, whistles .]
hey.
sal, at this point, I'll just give you the win if you talk to a woman successfully.
Give you the win if you talk to a woman successfully.
[ laughs .]
A woman successfully.
[ laughs .]
hey.
[ laughs .]
hey.
Are you, uh -- you've been hey.
Are you, uh -- you've been running in my head for days.
Are you, uh -- you've been running in my head for days.
[ laughs .]
Running in my head for days.
[ laughs .]
I, uh [ laughs .]
I, uh I'm really, like, just hanging I, uh I'm really, like, just hanging out.
I'm really, like, just hanging out.
I want to see -- Out.
I want to see -- I'm just trying -- I want to see -- I'm just trying -- just [bleep.]
it.
I'm just trying -- just [bleep.]
it.
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
Just [bleep.]
it.
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
Just completely [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
[ buzzer .]
here we go.
all right, murray! all right, murray! come on, murray.
come on, murray.
bam! bam! come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
"jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! "jokers' choice"! want to kick his nuts? want to kick his nuts? Kick his nuts? Kick his nuts? [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
get kicked in the nuts! get kicked in the nuts! [ laughs .]
[ laughs .]
all right.
all right.
So, what do I got to do here? So, what do I got to do here? wheel of voo-doom states you wheel of voo-doom states you need to get kicked in the nuts Need to get kicked in the nuts by a little kid.
By a little kid.
can I ask you a question? can I ask you a question? How old is your son? How old is your son? uh, yes.
uh, yes.
oh [bleep.]
oh [bleep.]
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
this is gonna sound strange.
This is gonna sound strange.
I need somebody under 13, um I need somebody under 13, um To -- to kick me.
To -- to kick me.
In the nuts, yes.
In the nuts, yes.
[ laughs .]
get him! Get him! [ laughs .]
get him! Get him! do you think you can do it? do you think you can do it? Okay.
What's your name? Okay.
What's your name? Landon? Landon? landon! Landon! Landon! 1, 2, 3! Go! 1, 2, go! 1, 2, go! [ whimpers .]
[ groans and laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
[ groans and laughter .]
can we just talk for a second? [ groans and laughter .]
can we just talk for a second? the wheel of voo-doom has Can we just talk for a second? the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
I want a new spin on the Spoken.
I want a new spin on the wheel of voo-doom! I want a new spin on the wheel of voo-doom! murr, you can take the loss Wheel of voo-doom! murr, you can take the loss if you want.
murr, you can take the loss if you want.
1, 2, 3.
Go! If you want.
1, 2, 3.
Go! [bleep.]
1, 2, 3.
Go! [bleep.]
[ groans and laughter .]
[bleep.]
[ groans and laughter .]
got it.
[ groans and laughter .]
got it.
[ ding! .]
Got it.
[ ding! .]
all right.
[ ding! .]
all right.
wheel of voo-doom, baby! yeah! you're up! you're up! Yeah! Yeah! spin that wheel! spin that wheel! "get a picture taken while "get a picture taken while humping a plant/pole"? Humping a plant/pole"? [ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
what? bourbon street awaits, What? bourbon street awaits, little humper.
bourbon street awaits, little humper.
wheel of voo-doom's having Little humper.
wheel of voo-doom's having fun with us today, boys.
wheel of voo-doom's having fun with us today, boys.
q, isn't it ironic, 'cause Fun with us today, boys.
q, isn't it ironic, 'cause didn't you pay to watch people q, isn't it ironic, 'cause didn't you pay to watch people hump poles last night? Didn't you pay to watch people hump poles last night? [ laughs .]
Hump poles last night? [ laughs .]
do you mind taking a photo [ laughs .]
do you mind taking a photo for me real quick? do you mind taking a photo for me real quick? Thank you very much.
For me real quick? Thank you very much.
It's for my mom.
Thank you very much.
It's for my mom.
New orleans is her favorite It's for my mom.
New orleans is her favorite city, so I want to do it, okay? New orleans is her favorite city, so I want to do it, okay? On 3.
City, so I want to do it, okay? On 3.
All right.
1 On 3.
All right.
1 [ laughs .]
All right.
1 [ laughs .]
you know it's coming.
[ laughs .]
you know it's coming.
2 You know it's coming.
2 smile.
2 smile.
no! Get into it! smile.
no! Get into it! get into it.
no! Get into it! get into it.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! get into it.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! 1, 2, 3.
r.
Kelly! Think "r.
Kelly"! 1, 2, 3.
yeah! 1, 2, 3.
yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
mama.
Ma! [ laughs .]
yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [ laughs .]
yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! look at him.
Yeah! Yeah! look at him.
You realize what you were doing, look at him.
You realize what you were doing, you idiot? You realize what you were doing, you idiot? [ laughter .]
You idiot? [ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right, wheel of voo-doom.
Treat me right! here we go.
here we go.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
where's it gonna stop? where's it gonna stop? ohhhh! ohhhh! "the human beignet"! "the human beignet"! yes! yes! man! man! a beignet is a new orleans a beignet is a new orleans specialty.
It's a pastry with powdered Specialty.
It's a pastry with powdered sugar on it, right? It's a pastry with powdered sugar on it, right? yeah.
Sugar on it, right? yeah.
oh, they're delish.
yeah.
oh, they're delish.
They are delish.
oh, they're delish.
They are delish.
[ laughter .]
They are delish.
[ laughter .]
we're gonna douse you in [ laughter .]
we're gonna douse you in powdered sugar, and you got to we're gonna douse you in powdered sugar, and you got to get licked off.
Powdered sugar, and you got to get licked off.
well, sounds like a Tuesday Get licked off.
well, sounds like a Tuesday night.
well, sounds like a Tuesday night.
oh, I can't wait to see this.
Night.
oh, I can't wait to see this.
[ laughs .]
oh, I can't wait to see this.
[ laughs .]
you look like you spent the [ laughs .]
you look like you spent the night at scarface's house.
you look like you spent the night at scarface's house.
I'm the human beignet.
Night at scarface's house.
I'm the human beignet.
oh, my god.
I'm the human beignet.
oh, my god.
look at your footprints.
oh, my god.
look at your footprints.
Look at your footprints.
look at your footprints.
Look at your footprints.
well, I can't commit a crime.
Look at your footprints.
well, I can't commit a crime.
[ laughter .]
well, I can't commit a crime.
[ laughter .]
I'm the human beignet.
[ laughter .]
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
I'm the human beignet.
You want to go after a human I'm the human beignet.
You want to go after a human beignet? You want to go after a human beignet? You want a lick? No? No? Beignet? You want a lick? No? No? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? No? No? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? Hey, man.
I'm the human beignet.
You want a lick? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
You want a lick? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
no? [ laughing .]
oh, no.
no? lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
no? lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
Lick me.
lick me.
Come on.
Do it.
Lick me.
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
Lick me.
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
[ laughs .]
Lick me, you son of a bitch.
[ laughs .]
come on.
[ laughs .]
come on.
You want some human beignet? come on.
You want some human beignet? Take a lick right here.
You want some human beignet? Take a lick right here.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Take a lick right here.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
yeah! Go ahead.
Go ahead.
yeah! ohhhhh! yeah! ohhhhh! who wants some human beignet? ohhhhh! who wants some human beignet? Give it a lick.
who wants some human beignet? Give it a lick.
all right.
All right.
Give it a lick.
all right.
All right.
Ahhh.
all right.
All right.
Ahhh.
ohhhhhhhhh! Ahhh.
ohhhhhhhhh! you're a smoker, huh? ohhhhhhhhh! you're a smoker, huh? [ laughter .]
you're a smoker, huh? [ laughter .]
it's bourbon street! Suck it! [ laughter .]
it's bourbon street! Suck it! [ ding! .]
It's bourbon street! Suck it! [ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
the wheel of voo-doom has [ laughter .]
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
the wheel of voo-doom has spoken.
Sal's taking another spin on the Spoken.
Sal's taking another spin on the loser board.
Sal's taking another spin on the loser board.
today we're cruising around Loser board.
today we're cruising around new orleans, giving out today we're cruising around new orleans, giving out horse-and-buggy rides.
New orleans, giving out horse-and-buggy rides.
and while we're making Horse-and-buggy rides.
and while we're making chitchat, we'll have to do and and while we're making chitchat, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
Chitchat, we'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
and if you [voice cracks.]
Say what the other guys tell us.
and if you [voice cracks.]
refuse, you lose.
and if you [voice cracks.]
refuse, you lose.
you got to excuse q.
Refuse, you lose.
you got to excuse q.
He's a little "horse.
" you got to excuse q.
He's a little "horse.
" [ laughs .]
He's a little "horse.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
ow, my foot! My foot! [ laughter .]
ow, my foot! My foot! You're crushing my digits! how you guys doing? I'm training to drive the I'm training to drive the horses.
Horses.
we're giving chase to sal we're giving chase to sal yes.
yes.
Who's one horse carriage Who's one horse carriage ahead of us.
Ahead of us.
We're following closely behind, We're following closely behind, telling him what to do.
Telling him what to do.
sal, point down the side and sal, point down the side and go, "and there is the best spot in the whole city to get a Go, "and there is the best spot in the whole city to get a new orleans blowhole.
" In the whole city to get a new orleans blowhole.
" right over here is the best New orleans blowhole.
" right over here is the best spot in the city to get a right over here is the best spot in the city to get a new orleans blowhole.
Spot in the city to get a new orleans blowhole.
okay.
Good to know.
New orleans blowhole.
okay.
Good to know.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Good to know.
[ laughter .]
sal, I want you to get a [ laughter .]
sal, I want you to get a phone call from your father.
sal, I want you to get a phone call from your father.
hello? Phone call from your father.
hello? Hey, dad.
hello? Hey, dad.
I'm in the middle of a tour.
Hey, dad.
I'm in the middle of a tour.
keep referring to him as I'm in the middle of a tour.
keep referring to him as "bitch" and "your bitch" while keep referring to him as "bitch" and "your bitch" while talking to him.
"bitch" and "your bitch" while talking to him.
yeah.
I know.
Talking to him.
yeah.
I know.
I'll be home later.
yeah.
I know.
I'll be home later.
All right, you little bitch.
I'll be home later.
All right, you little bitch.
[ laughter .]
All right, you little bitch.
[ laughter .]
I did say, "bitch.
" [ laughter .]
I did say, "bitch.
" first you were mom's bitch.
I did say, "bitch.
" first you were mom's bitch.
Now you're my bitch, bitch.
First you were mom's bitch.
Now you're my bitch, bitch.
Yeah.
No, father's day is -- Now you're my bitch, bitch.
Yeah.
No, father's day is -- yeah, it's in like two weeks, Yeah.
No, father's day is -- yeah, it's in like two weeks, bitch.
Yeah, it's in like two weeks, bitch.
"what do you want, bitch?" Bitch.
"what do you want, bitch?" what do you want for "what do you want, bitch?" what do you want for father's day, bitch? what do you want for father's day, bitch? look at his face.
Father's day, bitch? look at his face.
all right.
Got to go.
look at his face.
all right.
Got to go.
Bye, bitch.
all right.
Got to go.
Bye, bitch.
[ ding! .]
Bye, bitch.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
hey, guys.
How you doing? I'm a driver in training, and I'm a driver in training, and I'm just gonna join the ride.
I'm just gonna join the ride.
It's a beautiful walk up on the It's a beautiful walk up on the water here.
Water here.
"let me tell you something.
"let me tell you something.
I need these rides.
I need these rides.
I come on these rides just to I come on these rides just to get away from my skanky Get away from my skanky stepdaughters.
" Stepdaughters.
" [ sighs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
Let me tell you something.
I need these rides.
I come on these rides I need these rides.
I come on these rides [ laughs .]
I come on these rides [ laughs .]
I come on these rides to stay [ laughs .]
I come on these rides to stay away from my skanky I come on these rides to stay away from my skanky stepdaughters.
Away from my skanky stepdaughters.
oh! Stepdaughters.
oh! uh-oh! oh! uh-oh! yeah.
uh-oh! yeah.
[ laughs .]
yeah.
[ laughs .]
you know, I didn't raise [ laughs .]
you know, I didn't raise them, so, you know, you have to you know, I didn't raise them, so, you know, you have to deal with what you were given, Them, so, you know, you have to deal with what you were given, but the way they dress and the Deal with what you were given, but the way they dress and the photos -- superskanky.
But the way they dress and the photos -- superskanky.
[ laughter .]
Photos -- superskanky.
[ laughter .]
joe, just start, like, [ laughter .]
joe, just start, like, singing to yourself joe, just start, like, singing to yourself suckin' toes, suckin' toes Singing to yourself suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' toes suckin' toes, suckin' toes every day you suckin' toes Toes every day you suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes every day you suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes Tuesday, suckin' toes Monday, suckin' toes Tuesday, suckin' toes [ laughs .]
Tuesday, suckin' toes [ laughs .]
Tuesday, Wednesday, [ laughs .]
Tuesday, Wednesday, take those toes Tuesday, Wednesday, take those toes and Thursday's day of rest Take those toes and Thursday's day of rest but Friday, right, and Thursday's day of rest but Friday, right, I'm back at it but Friday, right, I'm back at it I'm suckin' them toes I'm back at it I'm suckin' them toes I take that toe, I put it in I'm suckin' them toes I take that toe, I put it in my mouth, and that's the way it I take that toe, I put it in my mouth, and that's the way it goes, hey! My mouth, and that's the way it goes, hey! lot of memorabilia up this Goes, hey! lot of memorabilia up this avenue.
Lot of memorabilia up this avenue.
[ laughter .]
Avenue.
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
all right.
and here we go.
and here we go.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
all right.
all right.
Is this your first time in Is this your first time in new orleans? New orleans? this is my third.
this is my third.
oh, third? oh, third? "here's something I need.
"here's something I need.
I need some relationship I need some relationship advice" hey, maybe you guys can help Advice" hey, maybe you guys can help me out.
hey, maybe you guys can help me out.
I need some relationship advice.
Me out.
I need some relationship advice.
"For a guy in love with a I need some relationship advice.
"For a guy in love with a girl" "For a guy in love with a girl" what advice would you give a Girl" what advice would you give a guy who's in love with a girl what advice would you give a guy who's in love with a girl "With a restraining order Guy who's in love with a girl "With a restraining order against him?" "With a restraining order against him?" Who had a restraining Against him?" Who had a restraining order against him? Who had a restraining order against him? What sort of advice Order against him? What sort of advice whoa! What sort of advice whoa! let it go.
whoa! let it go.
[ laughter .]
let it go.
[ laughter .]
"you know what I'd do.
[ laughter .]
"you know what I'd do.
I'd put a straining order on "you know what I'd do.
I'd put a straining order on her.
" I'd put a straining order on her.
" so, she got a restraining Her.
" so, she got a restraining order on me.
so, she got a restraining order on me.
I'd put a straining order on Order on me.
I'd put a straining order on her.
I'd put a straining order on her.
You know what I mean? Her.
You know what I mean? [ laughter .]
You know what I mean? [ laughter .]
so now they cancel each other [ laughter .]
so now they cancel each other out, as far as I'm concerned.
So now they cancel each other out, as far as I'm concerned.
Legally, we could hang out.
Out, as far as I'm concerned.
Legally, we could hang out.
[ laughter .]
Legally, we could hang out.
[ laughter .]
hey, q, can you ask to borrow [ laughter .]
hey, q, can you ask to borrow a dollar from one of them real hey, q, can you ask to borrow a dollar from one of them real quick? A dollar from one of them real quick? does anybody have a dollar I Quick? does anybody have a dollar I could borrow? does anybody have a dollar I could borrow? Okay.
Thank you.
Could borrow? Okay.
Thank you.
now, q, hold it up and rip it Okay.
Thank you.
now, q, hold it up and rip it to shreds and say, "money means now, q, hold it up and rip it to shreds and say, "money means nothing to me.
" To shreds and say, "money means nothing to me.
" [ laughs .]
Nothing to me.
" [ laughs .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughs .]
q, just stare off and just q, just stare off and just say, "one last ride and it's night-night forever.
" Say, "one last ride and it's night-night forever.
" [ laughter .]
Night-night forever.
" [ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
[ laughter .]
[ sighs .]
one last ride, and then it's [ sighs .]
one last ride, and then it's night-night forever.
One last ride, and then it's night-night forever.
[ melancholy music plays .]
Night-night forever.
[ melancholy music plays .]
see you soon, ma! [ melancholy music plays .]
see you soon, ma! [ laughter .]
See you soon, ma! [ laughter .]
q, just jump out of the [ laughter .]
q, just jump out of the carriage and run away.
q, just jump out of the carriage and run away.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Carriage and run away.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Aw [bleep.]
it.
aw [bleep.]
it.
Aw [bleep.]
it.
[ laughter .]
aw [bleep.]
it.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
how are you guys today -- good? Good? good! good! murr, you're having some sort murr, you're having some sort of belt malfunction.
Of belt malfunction.
You're gonna be mooning your You're gonna be mooning your passengers.
Passengers.
Start showing more and more of Start showing more and more of your ass every time you stand up.
Your ass every time you stand up.
[ laughter .]
Up.
[ laughter .]
murray's ass, [ laughter .]
murray's ass, a.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" murray's ass, a.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" [ laughter .]
A.
K.
A.
"the big easy.
" [ laughter .]
okay.
Um [ laughter .]
okay.
Um We're on the very famous okay.
Um We're on the very famous decatur street.
We're on the very famous decatur street.
If you take notice to your Decatur street.
If you take notice to your right, you can see that some of If you take notice to your right, you can see that some of the architecture is very, very Right, you can see that some of the architecture is very, very old.
The architecture is very, very old.
not enough ass, bro.
Old.
not enough ass, bro.
Barely any ass.
not enough ass, bro.
Barely any ass.
[ laughter .]
Barely any ass.
[ laughter .]
they built this gazebo right [ laughter .]
they built this gazebo right over here, if you look, in the they built this gazebo right over here, if you look, in the year 1815.
Over here, if you look, in the year 1815.
It burned down, believe it or Year 1815.
It burned down, believe it or not.
It burned down, believe it or not.
"they had to rebuild it Not.
"they had to rebuild it because there was a huge crack "they had to rebuild it because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" Because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" they had to rebuild that In the foundation.
" they had to rebuild that because there was a huge crack they had to rebuild that because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" Because there was a huge crack in the foundation.
" [ laughs .]
In the foundation.
" [ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
[ laughs .]
[ laughter .]
"you haven't lived until [ laughter .]
"you haven't lived until you've seen moonlight on the "you haven't lived until you've seen moonlight on the bayou.
" You've seen moonlight on the bayou.
" [ sweeping orchestral music Bayou.
" [ sweeping orchestral music plays .]
[ sweeping orchestral music plays .]
you have not lived until Plays .]
you have not lived until you've seen moonlight on the you have not lived until you've seen moonlight on the bayou.
You've seen moonlight on the bayou.
[ laughter .]
Bayou.
[ laughter .]
oh, my god! [ laughter .]
oh, my god! "tonight's a half moon.
" oh, my god! "tonight's a half moon.
" tonight is actually a half "tonight's a half moon.
" tonight is actually a half moon.
tonight is actually a half moon.
[ laughter .]
Moon.
[ laughter .]
you have to take the city in [ laughter .]
you have to take the city in as a whole -- "a-hole.
" you have to take the city in as a whole -- "a-hole.
" [ laughter .]
As a whole -- "a-hole.
" [ laughter .]
you really have to take in [ laughter .]
you really have to take in the city as a whole.
you really have to take in the city as a whole.
One thing about new orleans is The city as a whole.
One thing about new orleans is it's all it's cracked up to be.
One thing about new orleans is it's all it's cracked up to be.
[ ding! .]
It's all it's cracked up to be.
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
[ ding! .]
[ laughter .]
sal was taken for a ride, so [ laughter .]
sal was taken for a ride, so he's tonight's big loser.
sal was taken for a ride, so he's tonight's big loser.
hey! It's the end of the He's tonight's big loser.
hey! It's the end of the new orleans episode, and we're hey! It's the end of the new orleans episode, and we're here in the bayou for sal's New orleans episode, and we're here in the bayou for sal's punishment.
Here in the bayou for sal's punishment.
"bog monster of louisiana"? Punishment.
"bog monster of louisiana"? What is that? "bog monster of louisiana"? What is that? Am I the bog monster? What is that? Am I the bog monster? [ laughter .]
Am I the bog monster? [ laughter .]
is that my face? [ laughter .]
is that my face? I don't look like Is that my face? I don't look like the bog monster.
I don't look like the bog monster.
you will.
The bog monster.
you will.
[ laughter .]
you will.
[ laughter .]
[ suspenseful music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ suspenseful music plays .]
the bog monster has come [ suspenseful music plays .]
the bog monster has come home.
the bog monster has come home.
that's it, buddy.
Home.
that's it, buddy.
don't know if you can see him that's it, buddy.
don't know if you can see him through the camouflage, but he's don't know if you can see him through the camouflage, but he's right there.
Through the camouflage, but he's right there.
I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
Right there.
I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
so, you're a big attraction I'm gonna die of heat stroke.
so, you're a big attraction on the tour that's about to come so, you're a big attraction on the tour that's about to come through.
On the tour that's about to come through.
a tour is gonna come through Through.
a tour is gonna come through here? a tour is gonna come through here? yes, and they're going to see Here? yes, and they're going to see the rare bog monster of yes, and they're going to see the rare bog monster of louisiana.
The rare bog monster of louisiana.
and we're just gonna walk you Louisiana.
and we're just gonna walk you through.
and we're just gonna walk you through.
Whatever we say, the bog monster Through.
Whatever we say, the bog monster does.
Whatever we say, the bog monster does.
these guys are -- Does.
these guys are -- I can't do it, I can't do it, these guys are -- I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it! I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it! Ohh! I can't do it! Ohh! [ laughs .]
Ohh! [ laughs .]
oh, god.
[ laughs .]
oh, god.
Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! oh, god.
Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! Why are you -- oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! [ laughs .]
oh, my god! all right, all right.
[ laughs .]
oh, my god! all right, all right.
Let's bring on the tourists! all right, all right.
Let's bring on the tourists! here they come.
Let's bring on the tourists! here they come.
sal, hide back there, bud.
here they come.
sal, hide back there, bud.
oh, I hate bugs.
sal, hide back there, bud.
oh, I hate bugs.
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
oh, I hate bugs.
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
There's all sorts of [bleep.]
I hate [bleep.]
bugs.
There's all sorts of [bleep.]
weird fish and organisms! There's all sorts of [bleep.]
weird fish and organisms! ladies and gentlemen, you are Weird fish and organisms! ladies and gentlemen, you are in for the treat of treats.
ladies and gentlemen, you are in for the treat of treats.
oh, god.
In for the treat of treats.
oh, god.
the rarest of all creatures oh, god.
the rarest of all creatures lives in this swamp, and we like the rarest of all creatures lives in this swamp, and we like to call it the bog monster of Lives in this swamp, and we like to call it the bog monster of louisiana.
To call it the bog monster of louisiana.
Some say he came from Italy.
Louisiana.
Some say he came from Italy.
[ insect buzzes .]
Some say he came from Italy.
[ insect buzzes .]
some say he came from Spain.
[ insect buzzes .]
some say he came from Spain.
Most people think it's mexico -- Some say he came from Spain.
Most people think it's mexico -- the mexican bog monster.
Most people think it's mexico -- the mexican bog monster.
it's the bog monster making The mexican bog monster.
it's the bog monster making an appearance! it's the bog monster making an appearance! Wow! What a treat! An appearance! Wow! What a treat! Look at him in his natural Wow! What a treat! Look at him in his natural habitat.
Look at him in his natural habitat.
[ groans .]
Habitat.
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
[ groans .]
[ laughter .]
I mean, ask yourself, "what [ laughter .]
I mean, ask yourself, "what does a bog monster eat?" I mean, ask yourself, "what does a bog monster eat?" his absolute favorite is fish.
Does a bog monster eat?" his absolute favorite is fish.
oh, raw fish.
His absolute favorite is fish.
oh, raw fish.
I'm gonna throw it at him, oh, raw fish.
I'm gonna throw it at him, and let's watch as he consumes I'm gonna throw it at him, and let's watch as he consumes it.
And let's watch as he consumes it.
Go get it! It.
Go get it! Go get it, bog monster! Go get it! Go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! Go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! go get it, bog monster! Get it! aaaaaaah! Get it! aaaaaaah! [ growls .]
aaaaaaah! [ growls .]
get it, bog monster! [ growls .]
get it, bog monster! [ shrieking .]
get it, bog monster! [ shrieking .]
uh-oh.
[ shrieking .]
uh-oh.
oh, my [bleep.]
god! uh-oh.
oh, my [bleep.]
god! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my [bleep.]
god! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my god! What's that?! Oh, my [bleep.]
god! oh, my god! What's that?! oh, my god! oh, my god! What's that?! oh, my god! alligator.
oh, my god! alligator.
[ laughter .]
alligator.
[ laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
[ laughter .]
[ whimpers .]
get back! [ whimpers .]
get back! Get back! get back! Get back! oww! [bleep.]
Get back! oww! [bleep.]
it's not a helmet? oww! [bleep.]
it's not a helmet? no! it's not a helmet? no! he's getting tired.
no! he's getting tired.
You can tell that the bog he's getting tired.
You can tell that the bog monster's tired.
You can tell that the bog monster's tired.
Most people want to know how he Monster's tired.
Most people want to know how he sleeps.
Most people want to know how he sleeps.
It's very weird how he rests.
Sleeps.
It's very weird how he rests.
He actually puts his whole body It's very weird how he rests.
He actually puts his whole body underwater, up to his chin, all He actually puts his whole body underwater, up to his chin, all the way to expose just -- just Underwater, up to his chin, all the way to expose just -- just his head.
The way to expose just -- just his head.
right there.
Right there.
His head.
right there.
Right there.
just his head.
right there.
Right there.
just his head.
See? He's going in for a rest.
just his head.
See? He's going in for a rest.
there he goes.
See? He's going in for a rest.
there he goes.
Oh, taking a nap.
there he goes.
Oh, taking a nap.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- Oh, taking a nap.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- the fish, the parasites.
Ignoring the leeches, the -- the fish, the parasites.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
The fish, the parasites.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
all the way down.
[ "brahms' lullaby" plays .]
all the way down.
There he goes.
all the way down.
There he goes.
aw, look at the bog monster.
There he goes.
aw, look at the bog monster.
oh.
But, see, now, the warm aw, look at the bog monster.
oh.
But, see, now, the warm water -- it affects the oh.
But, see, now, the warm water -- it affects the bog monster, and, actually, it's Water -- it affects the bog monster, and, actually, it's some form of arousal sometimes Bog monster, and, actually, it's some form of arousal sometimes where he'll stand up and start Some form of arousal sometimes where he'll stand up and start doing his mating dance, which is Where he'll stand up and start doing his mating dance, which is quite effeminate.
Doing his mating dance, which is quite effeminate.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
Quite effeminate.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
I'm gonna kill you three.
It's an effeminate mating dance.
I'm gonna kill you three.
[ laughter .]
I'm gonna kill you three.
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ burlesque music plays .]
[ laughter .]
[ music continues .]
[ laughter .]
[ music continues .]
yeah! [ music continues .]
yeah! oh, god! yeah! oh, god! ohh! Ohh! oh, god! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! It's attracted a mate! Ohh! Ohh! It's attracted a mate! it attracted another bog It's attracted a mate! it attracted another bog monster with the mating dance! Life.
[ laughter .]
[ laughter .]
bye, guys! bye, guys! There he goes.
Ohh.
There he goes.
Ohh.
go bog yourself.
go bog yourself.
ohh! ohh! [ laughter .]