In Living Color (1990) s02e20 Episode Script

You can do what you wanna do In living color - In living color- You know what I'm sayin' You can do what you wanna do - In living color- In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon - Take it from me It's a'ight to be - In living color And how would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete And all mankind dancedto the exact beat - And at night it was safeto walk down the street - In living color You can do what you wanna do In living color In living color You can do what you wanna do - In living color- In living color Everybody hereis equally kind Everybody hereis equally kind Everybody, everybodyeverybody, everybody - Everybody here is equally kind - In living color What's mine is yoursand what's yours is mine In living c-c-c-olor You can do what you wanna do - In living color- In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon - Take it from me It's a'ight to be - In living color You can do what you wanna do In living color [Applause.]
Ladies and gentlemen, Keenen Ivory Wayans.
Thank you.
Th.
.
.
Keenen, we got a big surprise for you.
One of our cast members, Tommy Davidson.
Give him a hand.
Keenen, Tommy got together with some of us, and he wrote a song.
It's kind of like a history of Living Color.
.
.
- and how you came about and the whole thing.
- Right.
- Tommy, could you sing it for him right now? - In abbreviated singing form.
It's a bad tune.
Go ahead, man.
He, yea, yeah Y'all can soul clap if you want to.
He came out here Don't clap.
He came out here in 1979 He was doing comedy And then things really turned out fine He went on down and did this movie called I'm Gonna Git You Sucka Now he's doing In Living Color with his brothers - Oh, that's great, man.
- SW Kick it - See you in a minute.
- [Cheering, Applause.]
You can do what you wanna do - In living color- In living color You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon - Take it from me It's a'ight to be - In living color Well, home skillet, we done really made the big time.
We done finally made it on the set of an $850 budgeted movie.
You know? I hear what you're saying, but it looks like the ladies we casted ain't gonna make it.
- Say what? - So, we better get rolling, 'cause we on a tight schedule.
- Howie, hit that mark.
- You got it.
- Get this thing going.
- Show me what you can do.
Start this thing out right.
Start this thing out right.
All right.
Rain Man Dingo, take one.
Lights, camera, acciones.
- Here we go now.
- [Laughs.]
Now, come on, Rain Man Dingo.
I know you're up in there somewhere.
I know you're down with the kid, little brother.
I, uh, I definitely got to get back to the big house.
Uh, uh, Kizzy's waiting on me.
She.
.
.
She been waiting about 5,382 minutes.
- Uh, yeah, yeah, about 5,382 minutes.
- Say what? - That's how long she's been waiting.
- I think we're getting hot 'Cause "X" marks the spot Have no fear the Fabulous Falanas are here Cut, y'all.
Excuse me.
Now we're trying to make a movie here, ya know? That is why we're here.
Hello.
I'm Merengue.
- And I'm Lambada.
- And no, I don't wanna dance.
- [Both Laughing.]
- Stop it! The Mahogany Extras Agency sent us over to audition for the part.
Mm-hmm.
And don't tell us, I bet you're the producer.
[Singsong.]
And you must be the director.
Well, that's right.
And the look is right.
Dig that, but we're gonna have to see some Polaroids and some resumes.
- You got that.
Come on with it, baby.
- Yeah.
Now I call this one here "The Many Moods of Merengue.
" - I hear that.
- Don't touch 'em.
They're still wet.
N-Now, here you go.
Now, I'm gonna need this one for my check-cashing card.
And the other one for Robert Townsend.
[Both.]
Robert Townsend? Is he still doing stand-up? - Mm-hmm.
- Or just them HBO specials? [Laughs.]
I think he's doing both.
But look, look at this.
We done put this together ourselves.
It's a little something.
.
.
It's a combination of Dreamgirls and Cats.
- We like to call it Dreamcats.
- Uh-huh.
But we're only gonna give you an eyeful, 'cause that's all you can stand.
- For now.
- [Producer.]
I hear ya.
[Woman On Tape.]
You rolling, Sheena? - [Woman.]
All right, Merengue.
- Meow.
[Both Meowing.]
What you dreamin' about? I'm dreaming about a Broadway show and a saucer of milk.
[Both Meowing.]
[Producer.]
All right.
Well now, now if you don't like that one, we got another one all ready in preproduction.
Les Mis-sissippi Burning.
And now, get this.
Isaac from The Love Boat has already given us a commitment.
- Girl, you lying.
- I'm.
.
.
I'm scared of you.
Clav-man, check the obits, because I believe I done died and went to heaven.
- Two angels landing right here.
- Dropping in.
Sisters doing it for their damn self.
You know, I second that emotion, home stump.
This is just what our little epic needs.
.
.
to start stankin' like a "blockbusteer.
" - So, we got a part? - All you got to do is sign on the dotted line.
[Girls Squeal.]
- Howard.
- Lambada.
Bam! What are you guys doing here?This is a closed set.
- Bam! In reverse.
- In reverse.
Sister, I knew this was too good to be true.
Well, you know what? I take that as a compliment, big legs.
- Take that.
- Just a slight change in shooting location.
Ain't nothing but a Taco Bell.
Excuse me.
That's right.
The Black BeltJones II set is about to wrap at 5:00.
In the meantime, in-between time.
.
.
How about some din-din? Got some scratch-and-sniff coupons from Wendy's.
But we're gonna have to go dutch on the drinks.
Is that cool? Oh, we understand.
It's not that they couldn't treat.
.
.
It's a budgetary type of thing.
[All.]
You know? Now, who's driving? 'Cause my Pinto got towed.
Hey, hey, hey, Tex.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Mom, can I ask you a question? - Sure you can, honey.
- Have you ever, um.
.
.
- Felt unfresh? Sure I have, honey.
All women do sometime.
You know how it gets on those hot days when you're sitting in your car for hours.
.
.
- and then you start feeling really sticky and sweaty and hot.
- Mom.
Yeah.
Or after one of those nights when your dad and I are doing the wild thing.
Mom.
I feel unfresh then too.
- But that's why I use new Summer's Dawn.
- That's great, Mom.
But I just wanted to know if you had ever tried that salad over there.
Oh, yes, I have.
And as a matter of fact, it tastes just great.
.
.
with a dash of Summer's Dawn sprinkled on it.
Because Summer's Dawn is not only a salad dressing.
.
.
but it's also a disinfectant, a floor wax and a douche.
Wow.
Man, that's really great.
You know, Mom.
.
.
- I really love these heart-to-heart talks we have.
- So do I.
[Announcer.]
Summer's Dawn.
Because who doesn't feel unfresh? And who doesn't lovea good salad? [Hip-hop.]
[Hip-hop Continues.]
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
Ready or not, you're gonna get caught.
Have a nice trip.
See you next fall.
[Laughs.]
Way to go, Edna.
Geez.
For your information, I'll have you know.
.
.
that that little stunt could have caused a chain reaction.
.
.
that would have destroyed my entire upper fibula.
.
.
were it not for my catlike coordination.
Oh, yeah? Well, it's your.
.
.
It's your chipmunk-like dentures.
.
.
that are gonna set off a chain reaction that leads to saliva drooling down your face.
.
.
and creates a puddle of drool.
- Ha, ha, Stinkenstein.
- Good one.
It's comments like that which have made you an outcast in society.
No wonder all the other kids hate your guts.
Say it, don't spray it.
I want the news, not the weather.
Besides, you're a liar, Parnell.
I am not.
You have chosen the dark side of the Force, Barf Vader.
And everybody hates you, especially me.
Well, I'll show you, Parnell.
I'm gonna run away.
That's what I'll do, and then you'll be sorry.
.
.
'cause.
.
.
'cause a giant meteor might fall out of the sky.
.
.
and without me to push you out of the way, it's gonna knock you on the noggin.
.
.
and disintegrate you.
Well, at least I wouldn't have to be in your class.
Well, I'm going, Parnell.
I'm really going.
And when you're a meteor pancake, don't come crying to me.
.
.
'cause I'm gone for good.
- [Bell Rings.]
- Bon voyage, Pukeahontas.
Hey, kid, what are you doing? It's none of your business.
It's top secret and I ain't telling nobody.
Okay, you forced it.
I'm running away from home.
No way! L-I'm running away first.
I'm.
.
.
I'm gonna go to Scuba Duba Land.
Well, l-I'll be queen of the Scuba Dubas.
And.
.
.
And I'm gonna.
.
.
I'm gonna live in a tree house.
And I'm gonna eat cinnamon toast for dinner.
And I'm gonna stay up all night.
I'm gonna teach myself to fly! Oh, that's okay.
I'm gonna go.
.
.
I'm running away to Never Never Land.
And I'll never, never have to eat fish sticks and peas again.
And I'll never, never have to.
.
.
have to, uh, make my bed.
Or I'll never, never have to smell my brother's stinking feet at the end of the bed.
Oh, yeah? Well, well, I'm gonna have a huge closet.
.
.
filled with candy to the brim.
I'm gonna have a television set the size of the universe.
And.
.
.
Hey, how come you're running away anyway? Because I said the "F" word.
You said.
.
.
You said fahrvergnugen? No, "frusen glagen.
" And right in my teacher's face.
- Wow.
You really are a bad kid.
- That's right.
And now I'm gonna run away from home and ain't nothin' gonna stop me.
- What are you doing? - Well, uh.
.
.
I just wanted to tell you, I don't think you should run away by yourself.
.
.
'cause last week, a kid tried to run away by himself, ran right over the fence.
.
.
ran into the "Abdominal" Snowman on the bus stop, who ate him alive.
Oh, I ain't scared of no "Abominal" Snowman.
If I see "Abominal" Snowman, I'll hit him like this.
.
.
and I'll hit him like this, and I'll hit him over there, and I'll hit him right there.
Then I'll push him down.
And "Abominal" Snowmen don't like fourth-graders anyway.
Okay, let's go! [Boy.]
What do you want? Hey, Despisa Minnelli.
Who's this? Your sugar daddy? Good one, Parnell.
For your information.
.
.
he happens to be a fugitive from justice.
.
.
who's running away from his parents.
That's right.
And nothing's gonna stop me.
[Woman.]
Herman, you betterget on home right now.
! 'Cept my mama.
Never say never.
Now it's just one on one.
You and me.
Okay, I just wanna say one last thing.
- What is it? - That.
.
.
Well, it's not like I care, but it's a very bad time to run away.
After all, there's a recession on right now.
And with your earning power, you're gonna have to.
.
.
Well, you're gonna have a very difficult time keeping yourself maintained.
.
.
in the lifestyle that you are accustomed.
Parnell, for your information, I happen to be planning a very lucrative career.
.
.
as a CoverGirl model.
And.
.
.
And don't try to come after me either, Parnell.
.
.
'cause, uh, my boyfriend, the movie star.
.
.
is probably gonna be the jealous type.
Who's gonna help you with your math? Parnell, if you.
.
.
if you want me to stay.
.
.
why don't you just say it? I don't.
I'm just concerned that.
.
.
that it will affect my career in the future.
.
.
as a budding mathematician.
- That's all.
- Parnell, my love man! Those are just the words I wanna hear! Kiss me! Aah! Yuck! Just when I had forgotten how much you make me wretch.
Just stay away from me from now on, Poopy Longstocking.
Wait.
Come back here, Parnell! [Announcer.]
His fly threadscome from all the finest boutiques.
Hey, mama.
[Announcer.]
He's the funky fresh dudewho don't have time for sweets.
- Hey, Superfly.
- Get outta my way, bitch! And he's cleaningthe dope peddlers off the street.
I have something, y'all.
How about a little candy for you, little man? - All right.
- Hey, cool breeze! Superfly, it ain't what you think, man.
Trying to sell drugs to kids.
You'll pay for this, maggot.
No, man! [Groans.]
[Announcer.]
And he's the dudewho always throws up before he eats.
Not my face! [Screams.]
I'm melting! Mm! Mm! Mm! [Announcer.]
The Superfly is coming this summer.
Catch the buzz.
[Hip-hop.]
[Indistinct.]
[Indistinct.]
[Indistinct.]
[Hip-hop Continues.]
[Laughs.]
Frances, this here's our new waitress.
I'm sorry, baby.
What'd you say your name was? Oh, it's Rose.
Just remember like the flower.
Oh, little smarty-pants.
Mama's gonna have to spank you.
Well, Rose, here at Snackin' Shack there's a few rules.
- Uh-huh.
- Rule number one: The customer is always right.
- Excuse me.
I ordered eggs.
- Are eggs on your table? - No.
- Then you didn't order no eggs.
Rule number two: Keep it clean.
See, if you drop something, just kiss it up to God.
It'll be all right.
Now, rule number three.
- Black-eyed peas.
Pick 'em up! - [Bell Dings.]
Good communication with the kitchen.
I got me a bunion with an eyeball on it.
So, how are Mama's babies doing today? I want y'all to meet the new waitress, Daisy.
- It's Rose.
- [Men.]
Hello.
- Jell-O.
Pick it up! - I'm famished.
Oh, ain't that a coincidence.
Philodendron's half Swedish.
Fresh fish! Pick it up! Now, Begonia, I want you to take the order here, okay? - Okay.
It's Rose.
- There you go.
Okay, uh, hi, I'm Rose.
Uh, what can I get for y'all this morning? I'll have the, uh, waffles.
- Waffles.
- Waffles.
- Waffles.
- Ain't no more waffles.
Oh, we ain't got no more waffles, Snapdragon.
It's Rose.
I'm sorry, sir.
Apparently we ain't got no more waffles.
Well, okay, uh, I'll have the omelet.
- All right.
Omelet.
- Omelet.
- Omelet! - Who vomit? Clean it up! I pop my pimples 'cause they ask me to.
Forget the omelet.
Look.
I'm sorry, sir.
Just.
.
.
Just order something else.
I'll get it for you.
Trust me.
- Oatmeal? - Oatmeal, it is.
Uh, uh, sir, how does my coat feel? Oatmeal! Pick it up! - And, um, and what can I get for you this morning? - [Indistinct.]
Sue begs to take a ride on the tram.
What in the hell was that? That's two eggs, pancakes and a side of ham.
Pick it up.
Is there anything else I can get for you, sirs? Uh, I think we need some salt and pepper.
Oh.
Where do we keep the salt and pepper? Oh, I'm sorry, sirs.
We don't have no more salt and pepper.
Excuse me.
What is this in my oatmeal? Oh, my God! Oh! Frances, Begonia done found your good dentures.
- Oh, lucky day! - Oh! Gross! Toast.
Pick it up! Why are you huffing and puffing, Petunia? Stuffin' and muffin.
Pick it up! My name is Rose! It's Rose! - It's not Petunia! - Tuna.
Pick it up! - It's not Hibiscus.
- Biscuits.
Pick 'em up! And it's not even Blossom.
We ain't got no damn possum.
- That does it.
I quit! - Grits.
Pick 'em up! I did not say nothing about no grits, Luther! Glass bowl! What'd she say? I got the toe jam.
Who got the peanut butter? Listen.
We've been getting a lot of letters.
.
.
from people wondering why David Alan Grier is always in the back.
- And where are they from? - Well, I'm gonna tell you.
They're coming from his parents.
David, say hello to your mother.
Hola ¿Cómo esta mi familiaen Nueva York? El Bronx, eh.
! - Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
- Get outta here.
Now, before we go tonight.
.
.
I have to introduce you to our special guest, 2 Four 2.
[Applause, Cheering.]
Thanks for hanging with the Fly Girls, fellas.
We'll see y'all next week.
And Kim won't be wearing the wig.
[Screams.]
You can do what you wanna do