In the Long Run (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

1 (RECORD PLAYS) Freedom, independence for Sierra Leone It's freedom Dear Son.
By God's grace, I hope this letter finds you, Agnes and Kobna in good health.
Everyone here in Sierra Leone sends their love.
Walter, I am so proud of you.
You have gone to London, started a family, made a new life.
But I am worried about your little brother, Valentine.
He has become unruly.
I am too old to be chasing him around with my shoe! He needs your guidance in order to learn to live his life properly.
- So am I sending him to live with you - Huh? Look after my little boy for me please.
May God bless you all.
I miss you.
Mama.
(DRIPPING WATER) Bagpipes! Where is Bagpipes? I want to speak to your dad.
- He's in the shower.
- I know.
Move! - Go in the sink! - You are leaking into our flat again.
- Walter? - Hm? - What are you going to do with that? - If you want something done Uh, look, you know how to use that, do you? (SNIFFS) Gucci suit, was it? Ha! Oh, Gucci suits, my favourite.
You should get Agnes to save you some.
Wasting your time with that, mate.
I mean, it's probably the reducer pipe.
All the flange.
So tell me about this brother of yours.
Valentine, what sort of name is that? Oh, it comes from the Roman saint of courtly love.
Romance, virility, manliness.
You can call him a Casanova.
He played football for his country.
- For Africa? - For Sierra Leone, you dumbhead! - Where's that? - Africa.
He prefers drinking and women to hard work.
Ah.
- He will be a bad influence.
- On who, Walter or Kobna? - On both.
- And he's a DJ.
- Like Pat Sharp? - Cooler than Pat Sharp.
You're going to love your uncle.
It'll be like having a small piece of Sierra Leone right here in London.
- Hey! - Hey! Big bro! Huh, huh - Oooh! - Aaaah! Ooh-ooh, eh! Hey, big bro! - Oh man, it's good to see you! - It's been too long, yes? Hey, Agnes! - Oh, my gorgeous sister, isn't she? - Hey, hey, yes! (LAUGHS) You know you married the wrong brother, eh? Ooh! Here's somebody that wants to meet you.
Johnny Barnes, ah, you still play for England? You are smaller than I thought, yeah? No? What's your real name? - Kobna.
- Ah, Kobna, it is you! Hey, it's good to meet you.
Listen, I thought I told you to pack sensibly.
Did you bring any clothes with your music? - Of course I did! - Take this.
No, no.
I'm OK, sister.
I will soon acclimatise.
MUSIC: THE JAM: A Town Called Malice Ah, it's cold! Is England always this cold? No, the next few months will be even colder.
Hey! - Uncle! Are you trying to kill me? - Kobna, I need this more than you.
- What is this? What is this? - (GIGGLES) It's your breath.
You can see it when it's cold.
Oh, like a dragon, yeah? Oh, I love London.
Good evening, sir.
MAN: Fuck off, you mug! OK, so kitchen parlour - This is the the bathroom.
- Yeah.
- And this is Kobna's room.
- OK, and this must be my bedroom.
- No.
- Oh! This is for the houseboy.
No, no, no.
Kobna has given you his bedroom.
- Am I? - Yes, you are, Kobna the cob.
You are the youngest, you always give up your bed for the eldest.
- Now you are the houseboy! - No, no, you are the houseboy! - Hey! - Hey! Where is my belt? Listen, cheeky boy.
Let me explain something to you! (MUSIC PLAYS) - Valentine! - Hey, big bro! Now, tell me all about London.
No, man.
I'm working nights.
I changed my shifts so I can come and pick you up.
Mm, you can have one, huh? - I'm in the press shop.
No.
No, no.
- What has Agnes done to you, brother? Hm.
The Walter I knew would think nothing of drinking palm wine - before he goes to work, yeah? - AGNES: Hey! - You know you want it.
- Don't mix me that.
Hey, Agnes! - You will drink with me, yes? - Don't mix me that.
I have my rounds.
- Rounds, what? - Well, I sell makeup door to door.
- Eesh.
- Look, your food is ready.
It's in here, and I have set everything Bro, this is my first time, I thought we were partying? Listen, man, it's just this weekend.
We have to work.
- You get to know the houseboy.
- Hm.
- OK, later.
- OK, later.
Darling.
Listen, little man, aka houseboy.
There's a place every international footballer talks of when they come here.
Many have found their wives there.
It's called, er - Stringfellows.
- Hey! Stringfellows.
Bedtime is 9pm.
And don't give him any sugary drinks.
Hm, he's fine with me, sister, yeah? - I was talking to Kobna.
- Hm! - Houseboy! - Kobna! Idiots! Out from the ruins Out from the wreckage Can't make the same mistake this time I cannot believe I am here at last! (LAUGHS) Is this what London is like? Where people are so happy, they-they sing in the street? No, Uncle.
He's always singing.
Oh, OK! We are the ones they left behind I am going to make my mark here, Kobna.
Be somebody.
And I'm going to teach you to have fun.
Because I think your dad forgot, yeah? - Deal.
- Yeah? Good boy! - Uncle Valentine? - Yes? I don't really like palm wine.
Huh? Drink what you can, eh? It will put hairs on your chest.
Aaaaaaah TV: Rioting returned to Brixton Dad says sometimes the police search people's homes, and accidentally kill them, and neighbours get upset and challenge them to a street fight.
Why are most of the streetfighters black? They think we want to steal their jobs.
But I don't know anyone who wants to be a police officer.
(DOORBELL RINGS) First one there! Hey, houseboy, I've got this.
You stay there.
- Hey! - You all right? - Yes.
- Ah well, we'll go then.
Hi.
I'm Kirsty.
And this is my husband, Bagpipes.
We're from upstairs.
- OK.
- Agnes asked us to pop down.
- You fancy a drink? - That would be wonderful.
Ah, for fuck's sake! MUSIC: EDDY GRANT: Electric Avenue We're gonna rock on to electric avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we gonna rock down to electric avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, no Dean, why does your sister look brown? Mum says it's cos she had loads of brown sugar when she was pregnant.
Right.
What does your dad say? Dad says, 'Shut up, Dean.
Stop asking questions.
' Right.
Yeah, best thing you can do on the estate is, er, keep your head down.
You know, I have a bit of a face round here, people know me.
Anyone gives you any shit, I'll sort 'em out.
All right, Baz? Oh no, we gotta rock on to electric avenue And then we'll take it higher And then I walked into the tree! (LAUGHTER) Er, why are you called Bagpipes? That's a very unusual name.
Yeah, says the man named after a massacre! Beef and onion or prawn cocktail? (TOGETHER) Prawn cocktail.
- Hello.
- (DOG BARKS) Shut up, Trixie! Thank you, Agnes.
- No problem.
- See you.
- We've been here for 22 years.
- The lift's broken.
Look, because of my legs, I can't make the stairs.
Last night, I couldn't even get to the darts! Nowadays it's full of your coloureds Oh, no offence, love.
I know you're not like that.
I'll talk to the residents' association about the lifts.
Oh, you are an angel.
- Do you want anything from the catalogue? - No thanks, love.
I never buy any of that shit.
See you! Please! Please help me! All right, dear (!) (CHATTER AND LAUGHTER) - It's your round, is it? - OK, OK, OK.
Very funny! - Hey.
- Heya.
- My name is Valentine.
- Shelly.
Shelly, yeah? The beer is a bit too warm for me, so my new friend, Shelly, and I have created a new drink.
White rum, dark rum, Guinness, and a few special ingredients.
(WHISPERS:) Gin.
- We call it a 'naughty bastard'.
- It's a girl's drink, mate.
You haven't tried it yet.
- It's a girl's drink.
- Ah, Bagpipe, you are lying! MUSIC: THE CURE: In Between Days Kobna, what are you doing there? Where's your uncle? OK, my dear, I've got it.
(MUSIC AND CHATTER) - OK, put it there, put it there.
- Go on, Bags! Kirsty, what is going on? Bagpipes bet Valentine he can jump over some tables! Agnes! Valley, what are the boys doing outside on their own? - What boys? - Valley? (CROWD SHOUTS) Three, two, one! - (SMASHING GLASS) - Ooh, shoot! You left him outside a pub! That's what Bagpipes and Kirsty did.
They are English, they don't know any better.
He has asthma, and you left him outside in the cold, fed him crisps, while you got drunk.
Hm.
I got very drunk, brother.
(LAUGHS) Listen, listen.
If you want to live here, there's going to be some rules.
Mm.
Rule number one.
You will come home at a reasonable hour.
Kobna's sleeping on the sofa.
You can't come in, 'can-can-can', you'll wake him! Rule number two, er Don't use my Manchester United toothbrush, OK? That is my one.
Understand? OK, I don't want no hassle.
I will be more responsible in the future.
- Can Uncle look after me tonight? - Huh! - I am DJ-ing.
He can assist me.
- Hey! You've been here one day, you've already got a DJ gig? - Hey? - Hey! - Please, Mum? - No.
Go on, Dad.
Uncle said he'd teach me how to have fun because you forgot.
- I forgot? - I-I did not say that exactly.
Yeah, you did.
Last night on the balcony, and we had palm wine.
- I have to go! We've got to go! - Palm wine? Walter? - Er - Your brother.
He's completely irresponsible.
The guy See? Responsible Valentine.
Naughty bastard? Hey, good boy.
Being a DJ is much more than playing the records.
It's about sensing the mood of the crowd, knowing when to change it up and bring it down.
Hey, hey? OK then, show me.
- (RECORD SCREECHES) - Hey, OK! That is enough for your first lesson.
Houseboy, go and work the door.
Hm, you are definitely your father's son, sheesh! - (COINS CLATTERING) - Thanks.
- Sixty-forty split, cos he's my uncle.
- Great, thanks.
Sorry, mate.
No tracksuits.
KIRSTY: Two for one, get your naughty bastard! (DANCE MUSIC) Join me, naughty bastard? Hey, I love it! You got any Dire Straits? - You got any Dire Straits? - Who's that? Er, one minute.
- All right, dickheads? - All right, Lee? What you got there? - 12 quid.
- It's not that much.
- Give it here, I'll count it for you.
- No, piss off! - You swearing? - What did you say? Don't try nothing, Lee.
My dad knows Judo.
Give a shit? Martin's got a nunchuk.
Get 'em out, Martin.
- Erm, I didn't bring 'em.
- (TOGETHER) Yes! I told you to bring 'em.
Look, just give us the money! - No! Leg it! - Come on, quick, Martin! Hurry up! Split up! Urgh! Shit! Damn it! You've got Africa by Toto, surely? - Bagpipe, do you want to do it? - Yeah.
Oh, OK, OK.
You do it.
There.
Behave yourself, yeah? Got ya! - (KOBNA WHEEZES) - Shit! - He's having an epi! - Quick, go on, get out! - Go on! Go on! - (WHEEZING) DEAN: Kobna, Kobna! Guys, guys! (DANCE MUSIC) - You'll come back next week? - OK.
Yeah, man, this place is jamming.
And bring some reggae music here.
- (MUSIC STOPS) - Kobna can't frickin' breathe! Kobna, Kobna! - It's his asthma.
- Well, where's his inhaler? I-I-I don't know, I had it, I can't remember.
You two take him to hospital.
I'm going to call Walter and Agnes, OK? - Come on.
- Watch his head, watch his head.
- Open it, open it, get him in.
- OK, come on, let's go.
- Give me the keys.
- I don't think so, mate - You've only got one arm! - That's all I need.
- How are you going to drive? - All right But you be careful.
You probably don't even know what you're doing.
- Where's the first? - Take the handbrake off! (FRANTIC SHOUTING) (HUMS) Kwasea! Agnes, I am so very sorry.
Please forgive me.
Is this your idea of being responsible? - I didn't mean to - 'I didn't mean to.
' (SHOUTS) This is exactly your problem! You never mean for anything to happen, you have not changed.
You need to grow up and NURSE: Shush, this is a children's ward.
My son nearly died, because this idiot forgot to give him his inhaler.
Forgot? What were you doing? I was, er, DJ-ing.
You frickin' eejit! Her son could have died, you gobshite! (SOFTLY) Shush, this is a children's ward.
Anyway, he's awake.
Well, he is now! (BREATHES HEAVILY) I sound like Darth Vader.
- Hm! - Who are you calling daft, huh? Listen, I'm not working tomorrow, so we can do whatever you want.
Can we watch Grandstand? Grandstand, Play School, you name it.
In fact, I will even remember how to have some fun.
Hey-hey-hey Come round the door.
Don't take it out on Uncle.
I should've had the inhaler round my neck.
Is there anything I can do to make it better? Well, I might need to sleep in my own bed, which means - I'm on the sofa, hey? - Now, YOU are the houseboy! - Kobna? - Hey, watch your mouth! - You watch your mouth! - Walter, is that your boy? - Beat him, beat him, please beat him! - Call the number to Childline! MUSIC: DEXYS MIDNIGHT RUNNERS: Come on, Eileen Dear Mama.
Valley has arrived safely here in London.
Agnes is teaching him valuable lessons about responsibility, and thinking of others.
Here, can I come and live with you? (CHUCKLES) Oh, aren't you people strong, aren't you? You're making me blush, eh? And in turn, we are all learning things from having him around.
You, and only you, must be responsible for looking after yourself.
Huh? You can't rely on anyone else.
Valentine has already started to make new friends.
MAN: Where is he? I know he's here somewhere! - (GLASS SMASHES) - You know how he is.
People always warm to him.
We are very fortunate to have him here with us.
I think he's going to be just fine.
I enclose £6.
50 for Uncle Foday to buy some new shoes.
With love, Walter.
(DRIPPING WATER) Bagpipes! Come on Eileen, oh I swear what he means At this moment You mean everything You in that dress My thoughts I confess Verge on dirty Ah come on, Eileen