In the Long Run (2018) s01e04 Episode Script

Episode 4

1 (AFRICAN MUSIC PLAYS) Dear Walter, It feels like the whole of Freetown has gone to London for Cynthia's engagement party! Oh, I wish I could be there, too! I cannot wait to see Kobna wearing the outfit I sent over.
I hope it's not too tight.
- I can't breathe! OK.
- (DOORBELL) - We are grateful for the money sent.
- I'll get it.
Since the pound is even stronger, - I wonder if I could trouble you for a little - (DOOR SLAMS) - Who's that? - The engagement ceremony is off.
What?! Where is this guy? I'm gonna beat him! It's not Kevin, it's Dad! He won't accept Kevin's proposal, and he's not coming.
Without the engagement ceremony, I can't get married.
I need him there.
- OK.
OK, OK, OK.
Um - What has your father said? We had an argument because he doesn't think that Kevin's family want us to get married.
Why would he say that? I'm the first black person they've ever met.
- Ah, really? - Really? They're from a tiny village near Glasgow.
The only black people they know are that family off EastEnders and they ain't big fans of them.
- They're a respectable family.
- I don't like them.
But listen.
I will speak to Akie and I'll make him see sense.
And if he still isn't happy? Well, as your godfather, I will take his place.
- But it won't come to that.
- No.
All right? Akie won't say no to me.
No.
No, no, no! - Listen, Cynthia needs you there.
- Mm-hm.
And I want her to marry a nice, church-going Sierra Leonean boy.
I mean, I've seen Celtic play Rangers, and they don't even like each other! Do you think these people will accept Cynthia? They even asked me whether our traditional dress included the killit.
Kilt.
- Can you imagine the eyesore? - We came to this country - to raise our children amongst the British.
- Mm.
I did not come to raise a coconut daughter.
Uncle.
How many are coming? Let us help Cynthia prepare.
- Good idea.
- OK, OK.
Whatever.
Let me see.
35 immediate family.
OK.
20 from the Pan-African society.
20 from the Conteh family.
- 20.
- The same from the Sises.
The Sancos.
The Sancos.
- Liees.
- And Sancos.
15 from the local community centre.
Kuyates.
Those nice ladies from The Packet.
Right.
Let's see.
- And the Tambas.
- Tambas.
Don't forget the Tambas.
You know, I almost forgot! Those flying over from home.
So that makes Somewhere between two and 300.
What about Kevin's side? How many from there? Five.
Akie, Cynthia will be there without her mother, and now without her father.
Reconsider your decision.
- No! - Please.
Put aside all the racial difference.
Uh-uh.
Even a Nigerian would be better than him! (GRANGE HILL THEME TUNE) It's so easy.
Mum filled out a form, got stamps from the post office, posted it and bam! This came through our letter box eight weeks later.
Wow! That is pretty cool.
Hey, look sharp.
Nice clothes, boy! Kobna, go and change.
The guests will be arriving soon.
Excellent.
I have made a set list that will grind up the dance floor.
- Hey! Hey! Hey! - You tuck this in.
What is this? Vallie, you can't dance.
Hey, what do you know? I'm not worried about her! - Uncle, can I DJ with you? - Kobna, this is no evening at the pub! This is an engagement ceremony.
The DJ at such an event is probably the most important person there.
Ha! What about Kevin and Cynthia? - Sister, the DJ is most important! - (DOORBELL) Don't worry about her.
The DJ is not there to enjoy himself.
He must be focused, never letting the music stop.
People have been known to die because of it.
Do you, Kobna, aka houseboy, want this responsibility? - Yeah! - You do? No, no, no.
You are not ready.
I can see it in your eyes.
You can hand me the records.
Focus is key, even for you.
Hey.
(ROMANTIC MUSIC) Focus is key, even for you! (DREAMILY) Of course.
- Kobna, go and change! - I'm going! Baby, baby, when I look at you I get a warm feeling inside There's something 'bout the things you do And it keeps me satisfied I fell for you I think I love you Oh, I fell for you I think I love you Ooh-ooh-ooh KIRSTY: So why aren't you using that foundation that Agnes sells? There isn't any for my shade! What?! There's loads of shades! Yeah, but for us, there's black or blacker! Mum, why can't I wear what Dean's wearing? Oh, but this is what we wear back home.
Don't listen to him.
You look so nice.
- Ladies, doesn't he look lovely? - Very cute.
- You look cute! - Very cute.
So is Kev and his family excited about today? I'm not sure excited is the right word! Do they know what they have to do, Cynthia? What they have to bring for the dowry? It is very important.
Yes, I've gone through everything with them.
Go on, Cynth.
Name all the bits.
- There's a needle and thread.
- Mm.
Kola nuts, a Bible and some money paid to Dad in exchange for me.
- Big money.
Big money! - It sounds like The Generation Game! Oh, so romantic.
I wish somebody had paid for me! - And me.
- Hm.
You two, you stay there! - Uncle's got a set list that will - BOTH: .
.
"grind up the dance floor!" (HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER AND SHRIEKING) Where are you going? Don't you remember me? Auntie? Mwa! What is this? Do you still not know your own language? Godfearing! Fried plantains, street food, jollof rice, okra and ginger stew with kusabi.
You know a lot about African food! Oh, thanks.
- I love everything African.
- Good! So, Agnes and I made all this.
We mixed together traditional African and English cuisine.
See? So this is the cheesy hog.
Normally, I would do a hedgehog.
But today, I've done a traditional African porcupine.
It It's a work of art.
I helped to stick on all the cheese.
It's much more work than you'd think.
- Gonna take your coat off? - Nah, it's a bit chilly in here.
Don't be daft! Come on! I want to see you! Come on! - Ooh.
- Ah! Shito! My favourite.
Shito, eh? You might not like it.
It's quite spicy.
Can't be much hotter than our traditional coronation chicken.
(SPLUTTERS) - Are you OK? - Yep.
Yeah I'm fine.
(WHEEZES) Bloody hell! Bagpipes! You look like a bag of Frutti-Toots! Go on, you look good.
- You should have worn a suit! - Yeah, now you tell me(!) Coo-ee! Hello? Is this the Agmababese-Komara-McKyver party? That's easy for you to say! - Yeah, this is us.
- Kevin! Wowee! Um, everyone, meet Kevin.
- Hiya! - Hiya.
- Hiya.
- All right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, angel.
- Please let me hold that.
- Thanks.
I am Valentine.
You are.
.
? Too good for you.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Excuse me.
Um - I've got to take this.
- OK.
Eeh, I think I've fallen in love! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is this? - Do you like it? Hey! I feel more comfortable in this.
Comf - Jane, let me help you with this.
- No, no, I'm fine, thank you very much.
I love what you've done with your costumes.
So many colours and patterns competing with one another.
And this is Valentine and Godfearing.
Valentine.
And Godfrey.
- Godfearing.
- Godfrey.
Godfearing.
Right.
So, do you come here often? Oh, all the time.
Oh.
That must get rather expensive.
You'll be staying a few days, then? No, we're going back tonight.
To Africa?! No, to Croydon.
Eeee! This must be Cynthia's father.
No.
Walter Easmon.
I'm the godfather.
Cynthia's father couldn't make it.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
- Bagpipes, is it? - Mm.
As a close family friend, I wanted to get your thoughts on our wedding gift for the dowry.
Sure, sure.
I can take a look, yeah.
We didn't want to offend anybody.
But it's hard to know how much we should be expected to pay for Cynthia.
A bale of straw and some monkey nuts? What's this shit? You can't give this to Cynthia! Walter and Agnes would be offended! But they said there were things to start I've got an idea.
Come on.
I forgot that you have just arrived in the UK.
I will speak slowly.
I was asking about the famine.
Listen, my friend.
Sierra Leone is as close to Ethiopia as Scotland.
Aye.
Well, aye, Africa is a very big country, I suppose.
Mind, here.
That Bob Geldof, he's done wonders for you.
That's Live Aid.
Although with all this food here, there's not gonna be many starving Africans about, eh? It's good to know you are so interested in Africa.
Our "big country"! I am Akie.
I am Cynthia's father.
- I will be running the ceremony.
- Dad! You came! The ceremony begins with the arrival of the groom's family.
(KNOCKING) Who goes there? (CHEERING) - Is that your son? - Aye.
- He's no dancer.
- He has two left feet! - Now your family choose Kevin's bride.
- Ooh.
I'm going to give you a choice of flowers.
"This is no flower, just a tiny bud.
" "This flower is dying.
" "This flower has wilted.
" I will pay for her.
I will water her until she blooms! Agnes, I'll give you the money.
You are broke! You haven't got one penny! Sit down! I have only one flower left.
She is very precious to me.
She has lived in my heart for 25 years.
So please, look after her.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to present the dowry.
This bit is very important.
Very important.
- We accept your proposal if the gift is right.
- If the gift is right.
What is this thing?! KIRSTY: Is that my pressure cooker? Yeah, it's a perfect gift for a wife and husband.
I think there must be some simple mistake.
But this is a symbol of disrespect! - I mean, you can cook in this.
- Ah! What's going on? - Is this part of the ceremony? - No! Hold on.
Hold on.
Now, look! We've gone out of our way to get things right today.
We've eaten your food.
We're following your traditions.
We've accepted Cynthia when there's many like us wouldn't have done.
(CROWD GASPS) Nonsense! Let me tell you, many like me would not accept an egghead for a son-in-law.
Kevin's no egghead.
- He was shit at school.
- All right.
Look.
Look.
I admit I had reservations at first, but we'll do anything for Kevin.
I mean, look at us! I've got a nipple out, here! What more do you want? I wouldnae do this for anybody! - You are the son of an unmarried woman.
- Dad! Did you just call me a bastard? - No! - Yes! - Oh, aye? - Oh, aye? I can see youse are not happy with your face like a skelped ass! - Huh? - Well, let me tell you, you can go and boil your heed, you numpty! Youse are nothing but a waste of clays! (SPEAKS IN DIALECT) - Speak your proper English, man! - OK, OK, OK! Gentlemen! If you're going to curse, curse in English! Aye, well, it was your friend over there that told us to change the dowry.
(CROWD GASPS) Well, you should have seen what they wanted to give Cynthia! A sewing kit and half a broom and a bunch of monkey nuts! Those are traditional gifts.
I'd have gone with the pressure cooker.
Today is about your children, not you.
What chance does their relationship have if their loved ones oppose it? Exactly.
I mean, look, in the long run, we are all the same.
No matter where you come from! Even if you come from Glasgow, or you come from Lagos.
Or you come from Plaistow or you come from Stratford.
We're all the same! So come on, guys, we're going to do the right thing.
Yeah? Now, John, do you propose the dowry to Akie? - Aye, I do.
- And Akie, do you accept the proposal? I do.
Has my son just married a black man? DAVIE BOWIE: Let's Dance Did I miss something? Valentine's in the house! Look at them! Oh, my goodness me! It's hard to raise a daughter on your own.
Oh, man, you've done a good job! A good job.
And look.
Kevin's family.
They're not bad people.
Except for the fact that they have no rhythm! - Not one bit! No.
- No.
- Let me teach him.
- Go train, my brother.
My boys, you see the joy a good DJ brings? It takes years to master.
Hey I'll be two minutes.
Valentine, the music! You said it would take me years to learn.
I'm not ready for this.
Oh, you are ready, yeah? If you should fall Into my arms And tremble like a flower Let's dance (RECORD ENDS) - What do we do? - Let's just leave.
No-one will notice! (MOANING) We can fix this.
Adelaide.
I've always loved that name, you know.
Thanks.
You are looking very pepper.
So What do you do? Oh.
Oh.
Sorry, sorry.
Wait a moment, yeah? Your beauty was blinding me there! Hey, baby.
Baby, wait there.
(DISCO MUSIC) Oh, dear! (LIVELY DANCE MUSIC) You all right, boys? Having a good time? You know, I never say this, I never say it and I know I should.
I know I should say it much, much more.
But you know something? You make me proud.
You make me proud, you make me love you, man.
You're my boy.
I love you.
What was that, Dad? Nothing.
Just keeping in.
Dad? Can I get a shell-suit? Please! No.
Dear Mama, the engagement party went smoothly and everybody enjoyed themselves.
Enclosed are some photos.
Valentine has started courting a young lawyer he met at the party.
He is behaving in a very gentlemanly manner.
And Kobna has discovered he is musically gifted.
Ra, ra, Rasputin Lover of the Russian queen We all enjoy listening to him DJ all day and all night.
Kobna, turn it down, boy! This is the sound of my soul This is the sound I bought a ticket to the world But now I've come back again Why do I find it hard to write the next line