Inspector Gadget (2015) s02e01 Episode Script
The Fountain of Cortez - Evil U
1 Inspector - Gadget! Inspector Gadget! Inspector - Gadget! Inspector Gadget! Go Go Gadget, Go! (Go! Go! Gadget! Go!) Go Go Gadget, Go! (Go! Go! Yeah! Gadget!) Inspector - Gadget! Inspector Gadget! Go Go Gadget, Go! (Go! Go! Yeah! Gadget!) Inspector Gadget! Ahhhhh! So the legends are true! Here be The Fountain of Youth.
Look, there's more glyphs.
Make ye sure it doesn't fall into the claws of evil.
Claws, talons potato, potato.
Hah.
Ahh! [SPLOOSH.]
I've found the Fountain of Cortez and I can't believe it, but you were right.
The fountain works.
- Show me.
- Voilá.
[BABY COO.]
Soon, I will detonate this fountain in the atmosphere turning everyone in the world into annoying babies because babies are annoying.
Wait! What?! Your plan is turn everyone into babies? That's ridiculous.
Ridiculously evil.
What about people that are inside or that have umbrellas? Don't you think I've thought of that? Note to self: Figure out the people inside-backslash-umbrella thing.
No offense, but this doesn't seem like your best plan.
You know nothing, Talon.
I've been plotting this insidious ploy ever since since Junior! Why don't I have grandchildren? I want grandchildren! Fine! I'll give you grandchildren Ummm Uncle C? Hello? Stay at the fountain with Dr.
Ithica Marvins and wait for me.
If anyone comes Turn them into babies.
Say Cheese! Cheese! That'll be a good one.
Well, this is the entrance to the great Inca temple first discovered by Cortez.
Remember to stay on the path.
There could still be ancient booby-traps.
According to actual facts, this ancient statue represents the Bird of Complete and Eternal Silence! Psst, GADGET! Ah, Chief.
You weren't sent to Guatamazil to be tourists - There's a more important mission.
Dr.
Ithica Marvins has discovered the fountain of youth, and we have reason to believe MAD has turned her into a baby.
Your mission is to rescue her, change her diaper, and then stop MAD from whatever they're up to.
This message will self-destruct.
I'm going to go ahead and join you on this one.
But you never go on the missions with us.
I want to help find the fountain so that I can Not use it to roll back a few years.
I mean my moustache is showing a few greys Anyway Penny, today you'll see the expert skills I picked up that summer I apprenticed as a babyologist.
Please throw trash in garbage cans designed to look like bird statues.
Thank you.
Hm.
Seems fair.
[GROANS.]
[CRASH.]
Remember gang, we have a mission, but we also have to stay on the path.
Look after, Uncle Gadget.
Something tells me we won't find anything on this tourist path.
[RUFF.]
Ahh! [SCREAMS.]
How long do I have to look after this baby? I'm a MAD agent, not a baby sitter! You seem to have forgotten your first job at MAD.
If you're MAD and you know it clap your hands, if you're MAD and you know it clap your hands All right, all right, you proved your point.
Kinda cute, aren't you? Chief! Looks like he'll make short work of, Talon.
Jig's up, Talon.
Back away from Baby Doctor Ithica Marvins - WOW, the fountain really works! It sure does, Chief Baby.
[SPLASH.]
[GIGGLES.]
Brain! Chief Quimby has been turned into a baby too.
Get Uncle Gadget to the fountain room quick-times! And they thought this fountain was lost to time, but here it is.
We found it, Brain! Brain, I know you want to play fetch, but now is not the time.
That fedora is familiar.
Ah yes! Dr.
Marvins! Everyone's been looking for you.
Chief Quimby said you were a baby now, so of course you can't speak! Lucky I'm an expert babyologist! [SIGHS.]
Don't be upset Doctor Baby.
I know what's wrong! Time to change your diaper.
[GULP.]
Stop crawling so quickly on two legs Dr.
Baby.
Go Go Gadget Changing Table.
Whoa! Ah, peek-a-boo! Ah, baby-boo! [BABIES COO.]
Thankfully no one is here to see this.
It would totally ruin my rep.
Ah, baby-boo.
[GIGGLE.]
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a Uh-oh.
Babies?! [WHIMPER.]
No! Quiet.
Umm, what do babies like? Science facts! Did you know that all 3 Laws of Thermodynamics [WAIL.]
A HA! Trying to kidnap what I rightfully kidnapped, huh? Take this! Nice try, Talon, but you can't stop me from rescuing these babies! [GASPS.]
You're not going to rescue anything holding the babies like that.
See, what you have to do is rock them gently, like this.
(SINGING) La di da di da la la Huh? I'm only showing you to highlight how much better at everything I am.
I can take care of babies.
You probably don't even know to make silly noises like this.
Baba-bee-boo.
I can do that.
BABA BOP! [BABIES CRY.]
Jeeze, Penny.
It's a lucky thing I have the babies.
(SNICKERING) You probably don't even know to burp them.
Watch a pro.
[BURP.]
You can't run from nap time forever, Dr.
Baby! Go Go Gadget Baby Catcher.
I told you, you need a nap.
(SINGING) Rock-a-bye Doctor Marvins.
Sleep time, you see.
Hm, forgot the next part.
Just one second, I'll remember the verse Was it, turned into a radish? Here comes Claw's MADplane, into the MAD hangar! [IMITATES AIRPLANE NOISES.]
[WHINES.]
[EATING HAPPILY.]
[SNICKERS.]
Think quick! [BRAIN WHIMPERS.]
Watch it, Dr.
Baby, don't activate my Go Go Gadget Shovel Shoes! Hmmm.
Baby what happened to you? This water must be really dry on your skin.
[GASP.]
Penny, you have to keep your eyes on the babies at all times.
I'm an HQ agent, not a baby sitter! Turning everyone into babies wasn't MY plan! Can you even make a plan? You know what?! I plan! I plan all day! But what do I get from you? Insults, that's what!! [CRY.]
Great, you've scared him.
I hope you're happy! Come on Dr.
Baby, you need exercise to smooth out those wrinkles.
Brain! What happened to you?! [WHIMPERS.]
You found a pool that ages you? [WHIMPERS.]
Brain, that's perfect! We can use that to get the babies back to normal! This might moisturize you! Brain, where have you been? Looks like we win, Talon.
You're forgetting one thing Where are the babies? [BABY COO.]
[RUMBLES.]
These old places, always falling apart.
This is what happens when you don't insulate for boulders.
Uncle, maybe we should run now! Cardio! Always a good idea, Penny.
RUN!!!! [WHIMPERS.]
Wowsers! [SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMS.]
I need a breather.
ALL: No!! [YELLS.]
Why, this whole place is falling apart! Go Go Gadget Glue Gun! Brain, is this the Basin of Aging? [ARF!.]
Quick, dip the babies in.
TALON: Not so fast.
I may be a good baby sitter.
But I'm also an evil baby sitter.
Doesn't matter what type of baby sitter you are.
Bath time is important! [BABY SHRIEKS.]
[HUMS.]
Gadget.
Gadget! Wowsers, Chief, what are you doing there? Hm what's this? [CRASH.]
Yes, Uncle Claw! Too late, Gadget.
Soon I will blow this fountain up turning the world into babies.
Where are those bird statue trash cans when you need them? These pacifiers are no good for babies.
Far too old and probably covered in germs Ah, here's a trash can.
[GRUNTS.]
Noooo! Gadget! Uncle Claw! Wait for me! Not again.
Thank you for saving me, HQ.
You saved Dr.
Marvins, defeated MAD, and my moustache has never felt so luxurious.
Must be a week younger.
[LAUGH.]
Junior?! Where are those adorable babies you promised me? Next time Gadget! Next time! - MA CLAW: Who are you talking to? - DR.
CLAW: Ma! Quit it! Evil mail's here! [MADCAT SCREECH.]
Yes! My copy of Evil Teen Hourly! [GAGS.]
Oh, I'm sorry - I don't see you on the cover of Hairball Fancy.
Phone bill, bank stuff, gym ad, Ooh! Evil-U Alumni news.
Open it! It's an invite from Evil University to their annual "Catch a Good Guy Day".
And this year, Gadget is the good guy! Someone's going back to school.
Yes, you! All the great villains send their drop-out henchmen to do their bidding.
Whatev, I already have a degree.
I majored in handsome and minored in famous.
In what school? Doofus College?! Yeah.
Is that where you went? I bet your face was never on Evil Teen Hourly Set this to 'chill out' and it'll temporarily freeze any enemy.
Wowsers! Chief Quimby! "Ice" to see you! Yes Gadget (ahem) "ice" to see you too We just received an invitation for you to deliver the keynote address at Evil-U.
This message will self-destruct.
That sounds like a trap.
Oh, it's definitely a trap.
But HQ never misses an opportunity to spread good will.
That's why you're going undercover as a transfer student.
'Penny Crime'? It's your evil alter ego.
Do you think you can handle being evil? Please! If 'Ruth' wasn't my middle name, it'd be 'Ruth-less'.
[SIGHS.]
First, I'll sneak into Evil-U's caf and swap all the sugar with salt! [LAME EVIL LAUGH!.]
Then I'll replace the "push" signs on the doors with "pull".
[LAME EVIL LAUGH.]
They'll be pulling when they really should be pushing!!! Freeze! Ha! I've always wanted to say that! Ah.
[BOOM.]
[GROANS.]
Time for Disguise 101.
My day is full of VIP activities! Try the pomegranate.
It's the bomb! [GROWLS.]
Why thank you, young lady.
I will! Look Penny, a VIP welcome basket.
Remember, Uncle Gadget, we're at Evil-U.
So a fruit basket may not be exactly what it seems.
Nonsense! The only evil fruit basket is one full of Melons.
[BRAIN WHIMPERS.]
[BOOM.]
Fruit basket flambe! Very VIP.
Brain, everyone on campus is out to get Uncle Gadget.
Here's his itinerary, shadow him.
I'll be busy blending in.
Attention students, here are your morning announcements.
Dolphins with Lasers class has been cancelled because the dolphins are now armed with lasers.
That is all.
'No walking on grass'.
Phew - that was close.
Wait, Evil Penny doesn't obey signs.
Oh, I'll just take the path.
But I'm supposed to be bad Oof! Yo, you okay? Evil-U ID, Dark Arts membership, Buy 1 get 1 free Bat Aw, man! I can't rob a fellow member of the Irony Maiden fan club.
I didn't step on the grass I swear! Relax, girl.
I'm not the grass police.
And even if I was, we're supposed to break the rules here.
Oh yeah.
Totally.
At Sinister State I was a real rule-breaker.
Name's Malicious.
My friends call me Mal and my enemies, well they don't call me at all.
I hear that.
Up top.
Right.
Well, I'm Penny Crime.
'Penny's' too small time.
I'm a call you Dolla Bill.
Doofus college, hmph.
Does this look like the handi-work of someone who went to doofus college? Maybe a little.
Wowsers.
How thoughtful! They marked the spot where I'm supposed to stand for my speech.
Friends, Romans, Car thieves, overlords Whaa! What? GADGET: Who turned out the lights? Go Go Gadget Flashlight! [HOWLS.]
You better tell the other bros at your braternity that nothing will stop me from delivering my speech! And if by 'nothing' you mean 'Talon', you're correct.
Nothing will stop you.
I am NOTHING That didn't come out right.
We're here spoiler alert - I am a GIAN medieval nerd.
Oh, like renaissance fairs? Kinda.
[GASPS.]
I've got mad respect for Medieval torture tools.
Also, the word evil is already built in.
You know? Absolutely! You like Irony Maiden? Unh, yunh! I'm evil, not dead.
OMG - the electric lute on "Feudal Fire" is crazy good Er, bad.
[PIERCING SCREAM.]
[LAUGHS.]
Relax, it's just a screamie cushion.
You shoulda seen your face.
It was and then and then.
[LAUGHS.]
TALON?! Oh, yeah.
Um, I kinda, sorta, maybe have-a-total-crush-on-him.
It's so embarrassing and girl-y but I just can't help myself.
He's so bad that he's almost good which makes him even MORE bad.
You know? Yeah, I actually totally do know.
[BELL RINGS.]
.
We're gonna be late for class.
Great! Extra evil tardy points for us! Where is everyone? My itinerary says, Evil-U is rolling out the black carpet at 3:15.
[BARKS.]
You again? Do you need help? Admitting you need help is always the first step!! Go Go Gadget Rocket Skates! First things first.
This black carpet is lumpy.
Go Go Gadget Mallet.
[SCREAMS.]
Talon, why am I watching Gadget work the black carpet? Uh - ow - because you have an unhealthy - ow! - obsession with him? At this rate you're getting an 'F'.
Today I'm going over the three R's of villainhood.
Skulkin', Groomin' and Laughin'.
But none of those subjects start with the letter 'R'.
Firstly, we do not raise our hands at Evil-U, we holler out answers.
[YELLING.]
Secondly, none of the subjects start with 'R' because this is Evil University.
They don't have to.
Yo Teach.
Ease up.
She's a Sinister State transfer.
And you know how they're all polite-like.
Sinister State? Say no more.
Your good behaviour is excused.
For now.
Time for Maniacal Laughs 101.
You first.
[EVIL LAUGH.]
[LAUGH.]
A+.
Your turn, Transfer.
Huh? Come on, Dolla.
Do your worst.
[TERRIBLE LAUGH.]
Stop, what is that? You are (falsetto) up-here-right-now-you-should-be (baritone) down-here.
Huh? [DELIGHTFUL LAUGH.]
[GROWLS.]
FAIL! You better brush up on your evil before tonight's test.
Here.
It's for bad luck.
Go on, take it.
We're BFF's aren't we? Mal, there's something I need Attention students.
Tonight's mission test is to capture Inspector Gadget.
Break a leg, hopefully his! That is all.
Capture Gadget?! Let's take the helicopter! Or, you know, we could be really bad and skip the exam altogether! [LAUGHS.]
You crack me up, Dolla.
[TALON SNICKERS.]
Come on, just touch the mic so I can electrocute you already.
[BRAIN WAILS.]
Hello [ZZZZT!.]
I can't help you, if you don't help yourself.
Go Go Gadget Megaphone.
Friends, Romans, Common criminals, lend me whatever weapons you are carrying and behold my slideshow! Go Go Gadget Laser Pointer.
[ZAP! ZAP!.]
That's strange thing must be broken.
Uh-oh.
Uncle Gadget, grab the ladder! Not now, Penny, they're waving their phones in the air.
That means they love my speech! Yeah, Penny, not now.
Mal, I can explain Explain how you're a no-good, not-bad, double agent who's just using me.
Do you even like Irony Maiden? Of course! I'm good, not dead.
So, are we gonna let one teeny-tiny fundamental difference stand in the way of our friendship? Hanging with you isn't good for my bad reputation.
But isn't the ultimate in bad, having a BFF that's good? Can't argue with that logic.
Best frenemies forever? Catch you on the flipside Dolla.
[SPLAT.]
People! Before I leave, I'd love to share some of my travel photos with you! Oops! This laser pointer seems to be broken! Oh well, they seem to love it anyway! Penny - they're all mesmerized by my speech.
And you know what I say - always leave on a high note! Great job, Uncle Gadget.
They're all chillin' like villains! Even though you somehow escaped, your performance today was so embarrassing I'll probably never be able to not show my face at the university again! Well, I have two words for you: Evil Summer School!! [MADCAT GROANS.]
Look, there's more glyphs.
Make ye sure it doesn't fall into the claws of evil.
Claws, talons potato, potato.
Hah.
Ahh! [SPLOOSH.]
I've found the Fountain of Cortez and I can't believe it, but you were right.
The fountain works.
- Show me.
- Voilá.
[BABY COO.]
Soon, I will detonate this fountain in the atmosphere turning everyone in the world into annoying babies because babies are annoying.
Wait! What?! Your plan is turn everyone into babies? That's ridiculous.
Ridiculously evil.
What about people that are inside or that have umbrellas? Don't you think I've thought of that? Note to self: Figure out the people inside-backslash-umbrella thing.
No offense, but this doesn't seem like your best plan.
You know nothing, Talon.
I've been plotting this insidious ploy ever since since Junior! Why don't I have grandchildren? I want grandchildren! Fine! I'll give you grandchildren Ummm Uncle C? Hello? Stay at the fountain with Dr.
Ithica Marvins and wait for me.
If anyone comes Turn them into babies.
Say Cheese! Cheese! That'll be a good one.
Well, this is the entrance to the great Inca temple first discovered by Cortez.
Remember to stay on the path.
There could still be ancient booby-traps.
According to actual facts, this ancient statue represents the Bird of Complete and Eternal Silence! Psst, GADGET! Ah, Chief.
You weren't sent to Guatamazil to be tourists - There's a more important mission.
Dr.
Ithica Marvins has discovered the fountain of youth, and we have reason to believe MAD has turned her into a baby.
Your mission is to rescue her, change her diaper, and then stop MAD from whatever they're up to.
This message will self-destruct.
I'm going to go ahead and join you on this one.
But you never go on the missions with us.
I want to help find the fountain so that I can Not use it to roll back a few years.
I mean my moustache is showing a few greys Anyway Penny, today you'll see the expert skills I picked up that summer I apprenticed as a babyologist.
Please throw trash in garbage cans designed to look like bird statues.
Thank you.
Hm.
Seems fair.
[GROANS.]
[CRASH.]
Remember gang, we have a mission, but we also have to stay on the path.
Look after, Uncle Gadget.
Something tells me we won't find anything on this tourist path.
[RUFF.]
Ahh! [SCREAMS.]
How long do I have to look after this baby? I'm a MAD agent, not a baby sitter! You seem to have forgotten your first job at MAD.
If you're MAD and you know it clap your hands, if you're MAD and you know it clap your hands All right, all right, you proved your point.
Kinda cute, aren't you? Chief! Looks like he'll make short work of, Talon.
Jig's up, Talon.
Back away from Baby Doctor Ithica Marvins - WOW, the fountain really works! It sure does, Chief Baby.
[SPLASH.]
[GIGGLES.]
Brain! Chief Quimby has been turned into a baby too.
Get Uncle Gadget to the fountain room quick-times! And they thought this fountain was lost to time, but here it is.
We found it, Brain! Brain, I know you want to play fetch, but now is not the time.
That fedora is familiar.
Ah yes! Dr.
Marvins! Everyone's been looking for you.
Chief Quimby said you were a baby now, so of course you can't speak! Lucky I'm an expert babyologist! [SIGHS.]
Don't be upset Doctor Baby.
I know what's wrong! Time to change your diaper.
[GULP.]
Stop crawling so quickly on two legs Dr.
Baby.
Go Go Gadget Changing Table.
Whoa! Ah, peek-a-boo! Ah, baby-boo! [BABIES COO.]
Thankfully no one is here to see this.
It would totally ruin my rep.
Ah, baby-boo.
[GIGGLE.]
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a Uh-oh.
Babies?! [WHIMPER.]
No! Quiet.
Umm, what do babies like? Science facts! Did you know that all 3 Laws of Thermodynamics [WAIL.]
A HA! Trying to kidnap what I rightfully kidnapped, huh? Take this! Nice try, Talon, but you can't stop me from rescuing these babies! [GASPS.]
You're not going to rescue anything holding the babies like that.
See, what you have to do is rock them gently, like this.
(SINGING) La di da di da la la Huh? I'm only showing you to highlight how much better at everything I am.
I can take care of babies.
You probably don't even know to make silly noises like this.
Baba-bee-boo.
I can do that.
BABA BOP! [BABIES CRY.]
Jeeze, Penny.
It's a lucky thing I have the babies.
(SNICKERING) You probably don't even know to burp them.
Watch a pro.
[BURP.]
You can't run from nap time forever, Dr.
Baby! Go Go Gadget Baby Catcher.
I told you, you need a nap.
(SINGING) Rock-a-bye Doctor Marvins.
Sleep time, you see.
Hm, forgot the next part.
Just one second, I'll remember the verse Was it, turned into a radish? Here comes Claw's MADplane, into the MAD hangar! [IMITATES AIRPLANE NOISES.]
[WHINES.]
[EATING HAPPILY.]
[SNICKERS.]
Think quick! [BRAIN WHIMPERS.]
Watch it, Dr.
Baby, don't activate my Go Go Gadget Shovel Shoes! Hmmm.
Baby what happened to you? This water must be really dry on your skin.
[GASP.]
Penny, you have to keep your eyes on the babies at all times.
I'm an HQ agent, not a baby sitter! Turning everyone into babies wasn't MY plan! Can you even make a plan? You know what?! I plan! I plan all day! But what do I get from you? Insults, that's what!! [CRY.]
Great, you've scared him.
I hope you're happy! Come on Dr.
Baby, you need exercise to smooth out those wrinkles.
Brain! What happened to you?! [WHIMPERS.]
You found a pool that ages you? [WHIMPERS.]
Brain, that's perfect! We can use that to get the babies back to normal! This might moisturize you! Brain, where have you been? Looks like we win, Talon.
You're forgetting one thing Where are the babies? [BABY COO.]
[RUMBLES.]
These old places, always falling apart.
This is what happens when you don't insulate for boulders.
Uncle, maybe we should run now! Cardio! Always a good idea, Penny.
RUN!!!! [WHIMPERS.]
Wowsers! [SCREAMS.]
[SCREAMS.]
I need a breather.
ALL: No!! [YELLS.]
Why, this whole place is falling apart! Go Go Gadget Glue Gun! Brain, is this the Basin of Aging? [ARF!.]
Quick, dip the babies in.
TALON: Not so fast.
I may be a good baby sitter.
But I'm also an evil baby sitter.
Doesn't matter what type of baby sitter you are.
Bath time is important! [BABY SHRIEKS.]
[HUMS.]
Gadget.
Gadget! Wowsers, Chief, what are you doing there? Hm what's this? [CRASH.]
Yes, Uncle Claw! Too late, Gadget.
Soon I will blow this fountain up turning the world into babies.
Where are those bird statue trash cans when you need them? These pacifiers are no good for babies.
Far too old and probably covered in germs Ah, here's a trash can.
[GRUNTS.]
Noooo! Gadget! Uncle Claw! Wait for me! Not again.
Thank you for saving me, HQ.
You saved Dr.
Marvins, defeated MAD, and my moustache has never felt so luxurious.
Must be a week younger.
[LAUGH.]
Junior?! Where are those adorable babies you promised me? Next time Gadget! Next time! - MA CLAW: Who are you talking to? - DR.
CLAW: Ma! Quit it! Evil mail's here! [MADCAT SCREECH.]
Yes! My copy of Evil Teen Hourly! [GAGS.]
Oh, I'm sorry - I don't see you on the cover of Hairball Fancy.
Phone bill, bank stuff, gym ad, Ooh! Evil-U Alumni news.
Open it! It's an invite from Evil University to their annual "Catch a Good Guy Day".
And this year, Gadget is the good guy! Someone's going back to school.
Yes, you! All the great villains send their drop-out henchmen to do their bidding.
Whatev, I already have a degree.
I majored in handsome and minored in famous.
In what school? Doofus College?! Yeah.
Is that where you went? I bet your face was never on Evil Teen Hourly Set this to 'chill out' and it'll temporarily freeze any enemy.
Wowsers! Chief Quimby! "Ice" to see you! Yes Gadget (ahem) "ice" to see you too We just received an invitation for you to deliver the keynote address at Evil-U.
This message will self-destruct.
That sounds like a trap.
Oh, it's definitely a trap.
But HQ never misses an opportunity to spread good will.
That's why you're going undercover as a transfer student.
'Penny Crime'? It's your evil alter ego.
Do you think you can handle being evil? Please! If 'Ruth' wasn't my middle name, it'd be 'Ruth-less'.
[SIGHS.]
First, I'll sneak into Evil-U's caf and swap all the sugar with salt! [LAME EVIL LAUGH!.]
Then I'll replace the "push" signs on the doors with "pull".
[LAME EVIL LAUGH.]
They'll be pulling when they really should be pushing!!! Freeze! Ha! I've always wanted to say that! Ah.
[BOOM.]
[GROANS.]
Time for Disguise 101.
My day is full of VIP activities! Try the pomegranate.
It's the bomb! [GROWLS.]
Why thank you, young lady.
I will! Look Penny, a VIP welcome basket.
Remember, Uncle Gadget, we're at Evil-U.
So a fruit basket may not be exactly what it seems.
Nonsense! The only evil fruit basket is one full of Melons.
[BRAIN WHIMPERS.]
[BOOM.]
Fruit basket flambe! Very VIP.
Brain, everyone on campus is out to get Uncle Gadget.
Here's his itinerary, shadow him.
I'll be busy blending in.
Attention students, here are your morning announcements.
Dolphins with Lasers class has been cancelled because the dolphins are now armed with lasers.
That is all.
'No walking on grass'.
Phew - that was close.
Wait, Evil Penny doesn't obey signs.
Oh, I'll just take the path.
But I'm supposed to be bad Oof! Yo, you okay? Evil-U ID, Dark Arts membership, Buy 1 get 1 free Bat Aw, man! I can't rob a fellow member of the Irony Maiden fan club.
I didn't step on the grass I swear! Relax, girl.
I'm not the grass police.
And even if I was, we're supposed to break the rules here.
Oh yeah.
Totally.
At Sinister State I was a real rule-breaker.
Name's Malicious.
My friends call me Mal and my enemies, well they don't call me at all.
I hear that.
Up top.
Right.
Well, I'm Penny Crime.
'Penny's' too small time.
I'm a call you Dolla Bill.
Doofus college, hmph.
Does this look like the handi-work of someone who went to doofus college? Maybe a little.
Wowsers.
How thoughtful! They marked the spot where I'm supposed to stand for my speech.
Friends, Romans, Car thieves, overlords Whaa! What? GADGET: Who turned out the lights? Go Go Gadget Flashlight! [HOWLS.]
You better tell the other bros at your braternity that nothing will stop me from delivering my speech! And if by 'nothing' you mean 'Talon', you're correct.
Nothing will stop you.
I am NOTHING That didn't come out right.
We're here spoiler alert - I am a GIAN medieval nerd.
Oh, like renaissance fairs? Kinda.
[GASPS.]
I've got mad respect for Medieval torture tools.
Also, the word evil is already built in.
You know? Absolutely! You like Irony Maiden? Unh, yunh! I'm evil, not dead.
OMG - the electric lute on "Feudal Fire" is crazy good Er, bad.
[PIERCING SCREAM.]
[LAUGHS.]
Relax, it's just a screamie cushion.
You shoulda seen your face.
It was and then and then.
[LAUGHS.]
TALON?! Oh, yeah.
Um, I kinda, sorta, maybe have-a-total-crush-on-him.
It's so embarrassing and girl-y but I just can't help myself.
He's so bad that he's almost good which makes him even MORE bad.
You know? Yeah, I actually totally do know.
[BELL RINGS.]
.
We're gonna be late for class.
Great! Extra evil tardy points for us! Where is everyone? My itinerary says, Evil-U is rolling out the black carpet at 3:15.
[BARKS.]
You again? Do you need help? Admitting you need help is always the first step!! Go Go Gadget Rocket Skates! First things first.
This black carpet is lumpy.
Go Go Gadget Mallet.
[SCREAMS.]
Talon, why am I watching Gadget work the black carpet? Uh - ow - because you have an unhealthy - ow! - obsession with him? At this rate you're getting an 'F'.
Today I'm going over the three R's of villainhood.
Skulkin', Groomin' and Laughin'.
But none of those subjects start with the letter 'R'.
Firstly, we do not raise our hands at Evil-U, we holler out answers.
[YELLING.]
Secondly, none of the subjects start with 'R' because this is Evil University.
They don't have to.
Yo Teach.
Ease up.
She's a Sinister State transfer.
And you know how they're all polite-like.
Sinister State? Say no more.
Your good behaviour is excused.
For now.
Time for Maniacal Laughs 101.
You first.
[EVIL LAUGH.]
[LAUGH.]
A+.
Your turn, Transfer.
Huh? Come on, Dolla.
Do your worst.
[TERRIBLE LAUGH.]
Stop, what is that? You are (falsetto) up-here-right-now-you-should-be (baritone) down-here.
Huh? [DELIGHTFUL LAUGH.]
[GROWLS.]
FAIL! You better brush up on your evil before tonight's test.
Here.
It's for bad luck.
Go on, take it.
We're BFF's aren't we? Mal, there's something I need Attention students.
Tonight's mission test is to capture Inspector Gadget.
Break a leg, hopefully his! That is all.
Capture Gadget?! Let's take the helicopter! Or, you know, we could be really bad and skip the exam altogether! [LAUGHS.]
You crack me up, Dolla.
[TALON SNICKERS.]
Come on, just touch the mic so I can electrocute you already.
[BRAIN WAILS.]
Hello [ZZZZT!.]
I can't help you, if you don't help yourself.
Go Go Gadget Megaphone.
Friends, Romans, Common criminals, lend me whatever weapons you are carrying and behold my slideshow! Go Go Gadget Laser Pointer.
[ZAP! ZAP!.]
That's strange thing must be broken.
Uh-oh.
Uncle Gadget, grab the ladder! Not now, Penny, they're waving their phones in the air.
That means they love my speech! Yeah, Penny, not now.
Mal, I can explain Explain how you're a no-good, not-bad, double agent who's just using me.
Do you even like Irony Maiden? Of course! I'm good, not dead.
So, are we gonna let one teeny-tiny fundamental difference stand in the way of our friendship? Hanging with you isn't good for my bad reputation.
But isn't the ultimate in bad, having a BFF that's good? Can't argue with that logic.
Best frenemies forever? Catch you on the flipside Dolla.
[SPLAT.]
People! Before I leave, I'd love to share some of my travel photos with you! Oops! This laser pointer seems to be broken! Oh well, they seem to love it anyway! Penny - they're all mesmerized by my speech.
And you know what I say - always leave on a high note! Great job, Uncle Gadget.
They're all chillin' like villains! Even though you somehow escaped, your performance today was so embarrassing I'll probably never be able to not show my face at the university again! Well, I have two words for you: Evil Summer School!! [MADCAT GROANS.]