Invader ZIM (2001) s02e07 Episode Script


[horse neighs]
I have shown you
the horrors of war!
The devastation of famine.
Pictures of my birth.
But I don't think you comprehend
what awaits you in adult life.
To better prepare you
for the inevitable
character-building horrors
we will now play bludgeon ball!
It's fun!
So, it's human against alien.
Ironic I should face my enemy
in this stupid, barbaric game.
Let this be our battlefield.
It's the size of a
hippo, that head.
All: Whoa!
Eee! Ahh! Ooh! Ah!
Ooh! Ah! Eee! Ooh!
Whoa! Look at his eyeball!
The eyeball of an alien invader!
Lies! Lies!
Have you never
heard of pink eye?!
It is a normal human illness.
Yeah. Pinky has it
pretty bad right now.
Yeah. Zim's just sick and ugly.
No pink eye. Green skin.
Red things. Oh!
Ow! Ooh! Ah! Eee!
Ow! Ooh! Ah! Eee!
Your screaming was
amusing for awhile, Dib,
but now you're just scary.
Go to the counselor's office.
Yes, I am normal.
So normal and ugly am I!
Hi, I'm Mr. Dwicky,
the new counselor.
What happened to
the old counselor?
Something horrible.
Help me!
So, you wanna tell
me what's wrong?
This file suggests otherwise.
Doesn't matter.
Nobody believes me.
The Earth's been invaded by
an alien. He goes to this school.
My own people help
him by being so ignorant.
You can laugh now.
I'm crazy and full of lies.
Actually, I always
believed in aliens,
but I never found any proof,
so I did the next best thing.
I work with public
school children.
And they're scary, too.
I've got proof. This is an
alien spaceship I captured.
And here's Zim's robot
dog taking out the garbage.
I try to go through
Zim's trash once a week.
Mostly, I just find burnt gerbils
and worn down rubber piggies, but--
So the dog brings out the trash?
How can it even hold things
with those nubby arms?
I know! And no one
else thinks it's weird.
Or like how Zim
doesn't have ears,
or how he doesn't think
ponies know what we're thinking.
Whoa! Calm down.
I believe you, Dib.
Y-Y-You believe me?
Wait a minute. You escaped
from some experiment
where they hit you in the
head with car doors, right?
Ha ha. Almost. But no.
I really do believe you.
I even want to help out.
A team? Really? Two
believers against the world?
And Zim?
If you're serious, meet
me after school's out.
You got it, partner!
Dwicky! You really
believe in aliens?
Not anymore. All the childlike
wonder was ripped from my heart
the day my foot got
stuck in an escalator
and aliens didn't
come rescue me.
No. I'll just humor Dib till he
tells me what the real problem is.
Ah! That's psycho-
technical talk!
Indeed it is.
We teamed up just in time
for you to help out with my plan
to get Zim to confess
his alien self to the world.
Hey, that sounds fun!
What's that?
A schematic for an alien
identification transmitter.
I yanked it from Zim's computer.
You can send messages
with encoded signatures
from alien races.
You know, if it works, we
can pretend we're aliens
and send Zim a transmission,
setting him up for a trap.
Right! We can catch him
on video without his disguise.
I was going to use it to call
him names in alien languages,
but your plan's cool, too.
Now do you understand my latest
and most brilliant plan
for Earth conquest, GIR?
I gonna eat that fish.
No, GIR. The fish
is part of the plan.
Is it you, Irken Zim?
Yes, I am Zim! Who are you?
We are Digzum and Commodore
Sloat of the planet Plookisia.
We have crash landed
on this horrific planet
and you have some materials
we could use for repairs, you know?
Give me one reason
why I should help you.
A trade. In return for your help we
will give you some super weapons.
We would be most
grateful you jerk.
Heh, I could always
use more superweapons.
You might not know
this, but I'm, uh,
sorta gonna wipe out
all the life of this planet.
Great! We'll meet you
in the woods in one hour.
And don't wear a disguise.
Just so we know
you're not a human.
The woods, huh?
Vague, but ok.
But those weapons
better be super.
Oh, they'll be super.
They'll be so super
you'll rue the day you ever
messed with planet Earth.
[maniacal laughter]
He seemed like a happy guy.
This is gonna be great!
Today we expose Zim
for the evil beast that he is!
OK, I don't think
Zim's showing up, Dib.
Maybe it's time you
two stopped playing
and told me the real
reason you're so frustrated.
Playing? This isn't
playing, this is--
You don't believe me!
I thought you were different!
Look, I know you
think I lied, and I-I did,
but I was only trying to help--
Isn't this just great!
While you waste my time,
Earth gets one step
closer to being taken over!
That's my problem right there.
My problem is that the human
race seems to want to be destroyed--
Say, why don't we talk
about this at school--
He's here!
Who what an alien?
A real
A real alien. Yes.
Glad to see you've
come around, Mr. Dwicky!
Here. Record.
Zim! We meet at last!
I just saw you
three hours ago
What are you doing here,
You fell for our trick, Zim.
There are no Plookisians
coming to give you weapons!
Isn't that right, Mr. Dwicky?
Dwicky, huh?
Two against the armada.
I'm not worried.
Hi! Looka this!
[squeaking noises]
GIR! Enough!
Two will become millions once
the world sees this tape, Zim.
We'll swat-- Huh?
I don't see any other
Plookisians here.
But I coulda sworn
Hey, who are you?
Oh, hey, howsit goin'?
I'm Mooshy and this is Spoopty.
We're Plookisians.
We heard a Plookisian signal
and we came back to check it out,
you know, 'cause
that's what we do.
Yeah, but it musta been a
mix-up. Sorry for the interruption.
Wait, I sent the signal!
I was using it
to lure this alien.
Hey, none of our business.
You're really all aliens!?
Huh ahhh Of course not.
Gimme that camera.
Well, to us you're the aliens.
[both laughing hysterically]
That is never not funny!
I know! I know!
Spoopty, you crazeh!
Enough! Where are my weapons?!
What weapons?
The super weapons
you promised me!
Geez, Zim, don't you get it?
They never talked to you.
It was all a trick.
Where are they?
I dunno what
you're talkin' about,
but if it'll make you happy,
we have some super weapons
lying around if you want 'em.
Spoopty, get the guy
the super weapons.
You sure are nice, boss.
Well, I do what I can.
A real space ship!
And you fly through the
stars seeing all the universe?
Yeah, well flying
through the stars
would be pretty stupid, man.
But, yeah, we fly around.
You wanna come along?
Wow, do I?
Hey, thank you!
What about our team?
Sad, little Dib.
No more ally and no more proof!
How did you know
to come here anyway?
Zim, you moron!
I told you I arranged
this meeting!
Uh-huh. Well, see you.
Come on, GIR!
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