Just Shoot Me! (1997) s01e02 Episode Script

The Devil and Maya Gallo

Good morning.
Hmm? Well, well, well, lookie here.
Sweet little hayseed come on out to the big city to be a model.
Bet you've got big dreams.
What's that? An armful of pictures your boyfriend took by his El Camino? "I love you, Billy Bob.
I'll write you every day.
" Spare me.
You'll blow him off tomorrow for anybody on MTV with a nose ring and a tour bus.
Then you'll change your name to Dominique and practice your poses in the mirror.
"Look at me, I'm brooding and complex.
I'm dirty.
" Here's your coffee.
Sorry I'm late.
[COUGHS] [SIGHS] Good morning.
Have you been helped? [***] Wait, hold it.
It's my first day.
No problem.
I hate to be late on the first day.
Then you might want to let go of that button.
Oh, right.
Excuse me.
Could I ask you a question? Do you think my shoes match? They look fine.
Oh, good, thanks.
Sorry to bother you.
Do you really think so? They look fine.
Because I just think that you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes.
They look fine.
Isn't it weird how when you're nervous, and you got on a fabulous pair of shoes, you just feel like everything is gonna be okay? Slow elevator.
Oh, I know, I'm obsessing.
It'sfirst day on the new job.
Fashion magazine.
Are we even moving? My father's the publisher and editor, and he said I could make some changes, so I'm going to turn it into a real magazine, instead of 200 pages of ridiculous beauty tips, lame advice, and brainless models.
That's me on the cover.
You're Veronica Webb.
Slow elevator.
Hi, everyone.
Maya, darling.
Were you in the neighborhood, or is this "take your daughter to work" day? Actually, Nina, I work here now.
Really? In the same building? What fun.
We'll have to nod hello to each other in the elevator sometime.
No, here at the magazine.
Oh, you are you are such a character.
Oh, my God, you're not kidding.
Finch, did you know about this? Of course I did.
I know everything.
Then why didn't you tell me? Okay, I didn't know.
Well, well, well.
The forecast called for sunshine, and they were right.
Hello, Elliott.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how much did you miss me? If 9 is "not at all," then 4.
All right, I'm back.
Yes, yes, and look, I've got baby pictures.
Aren't these adorable? Oh, they're cute.
Annie Leibowitz took them.
Oh, too bad they're dark and out of focus.
Elliott, don't be jealous.
Oh, I'm not jealous.
Aw, a baby in a giant eggshell, that's real original.
Send copies of these to people I care about.
Hey, buttercup.
Hi, Dad.
Hey, you've got something on your jacket there.
Oh, damn, the baby threw up breakfast.
Well, that makes two of us.
All right, let's start the meeting.
First, I'd like to welcome my daughter Maya to Blush.
I know this is all rather sudden, but I'm counting on her to shake things up.
And what things will she be shaking up, exactly? Good question.
Maya? Actually, I have some ideas-- There you are, ideas.
A fresh take, a new perspective.
Wow, a new perspective.
I know this is all a little weird, but I don't want you to think of me as his daughter.
I just want to be treated like everyone else.
Do you really mean that? Absolutely.
Then get out of my chair.
Okay, let's begin the meeting.
Photo department? No problems.
Beauty and fashion? Under control.
Bagels and juice? In your office.
Gosh, this was the best meeting ever.
Wait, wait, what about my story ideas? Shh, if you say them out loud, they won't come true.
No, no, no, no, Maya's right.
All right, darling, we're listening.
Okay, I have an idea for a hard-hitting expose.
Hey, lay it on me.
It's about how designer clothing companies exploit foreign workers.
Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo.
Maya, Maya, you're new to the fashion world, so let me introduce you to the phrase "pooping in your own nest.
" Translation--pass.
Well, I love it.
That's what I mean.
Pass it on over.
I'm on board.
I've placed a call to a guy at the international labor board who says he's got proof-- Hey! I'm sold.
If anyone needs me, I'll be shooting our special salute to the thong, and this time, it's a closed set.
What? I told you I have to measure the floors for insurance purposes.
Well, stop.
Half my pictures have your head in them.
Don't you want to hear-- Oh, good.
Look, Maya, company credit cards.
What do I need credit cards for? Look, a hologram of a bird.
I bet if you showed this to a caveman, he'd have a heart attack.
Oh, she's new, she's fresh, she's got ideas.
Yeah, well, the writing's on the wall, and it says, "Adios, Nina.
" Damn, this was the year I was gonna open a savings account.
Hey, I'm as upset as you are.
I just don't have the worry lines to prove it.
One more crack like that, and I'll put the M&M's on the high shelf.
Look, this is no time for my stinging barbs and your lame comebacks.
I'm losing my power base, I'm over a barrel, like you at that Vanity Fair charity hoedown.
Hey, Nina which one of these thongs is more sophisticated? Oh, don't bother me.
I'm in crisis.
Oh, Nina, if this is about Maya squeezing you out, don't worry.
It won't be long before social security kicks in.
Oh, my God, I can't breathe.
Here you go, baby.
Oh, please, I'm not going to breathe into that.
And poor, poor Finch, cast aside like a bastard son.
That remark just cost you a box of post-it notes, my friend.
Elliott, which is this? The front or the back? That's a camera strap, honey.
Well, good luck with those resumes.
Oh, me, it's back to the thong mines.
Come on, baby.
That poor son of a bitch thinks I'm bluffing about those post-it notes.
Is this the international labor board? Mr.
Lee, please.
It's Maya Gallo.
Yes, I called earlier about the garment workers piece.
Maya, come quick.
Yes, I know he's busy, but this is important.
Maya, Maya.
Maya, Maya.
Sorry? Same number.
Maya, Maya.
Yes, thank you.
Oh, hi, Dad.
I was just pretending to have a very important conversation on this play phone.
Come see your new office.
I don't need a new office.
I don't want a new office.
Look at my new office.
Look at the view.
Look at the view.
You can see the boats in the East River.
I see them.
I see the boats.
And park your hips in your ergonomic calf-skin chair.
Oh, I don't really nee-- Oh, this is comfortable.
It's just my way of saying I'm glad you're here.
Aw, look at the cute family in that picture.
Who are they? Hello, Mr.
Wow, who fixed up my office? This isn't my office anymore, is it, sir? You've got an even better office on the 18th floor.
Isn't that storage? Okay.
Look, I appreciate all this, but I want to talk about the magazine and mostly about-- Hey, Maya, meet Lilly, the office masseuse.
She does this relaxing thing where she pretends to crack an egg over your head.
Oh, wow.
Oh, um Okay, I have been able to verify the appalling working conditions overseas-- Maya, meet Mercedes, the cappuccino lady.
Mercedes, you know Lilly.
That's good.
Could you-- Up on the shoulders more? Oh, hey, everybody rotate so I can see the boats.
Well, I can see you're busy.
This is ridiculous.
Lilly, Mercedes, thank you.
Please excuse us.
My father and I need to have a little talk.
Now, about my story-- Whoa, slow down.
You haven't even tried your new computer.
Look what happens when you make a mistake.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] That's really cute, but-- [TELEPHONE RINGS] Hey, your first phone call.
Maya Gallo's office.
Oh, I'll ask.
It's the footwear rep from Boccina.
She wants to know what your sizes are so she can send you free shoes.
Free shoes? Don't worry.
I'll tell her you're busy.
Six and a half narrow.
No, I don't have your catalog.
Oh, look, I just received your catalog.
Hey, what are you guys doing in Persky's office? Oh, this ain't Persky's office no more, is it? What is it, Dennis? Uh, there's a phone call for Princess Maya on line two.
It's Mr.
Lee from the labor board.
Oh, these are great.
They come in suede now? Since when? Okay, he's leaving to catch a plane, so if you want to talk to him, it's got to be right now.
Take a message.
Boots? Of course I need boots.
[COMPUTER PLAYS DRAMATIC MUSIC] Excuse me, do you have the time? Why, yes, it's approximately too pretty.
Wait, you were the guy measuring the floor during the shoot.
Yes, I was.
Dennis Finch.
Good heavens, lookie what I found-- two tickets for the Knicks game on Friday night.
Courtside, is that good? Right up front? Yeah.
Tell you what.
Why don't you come with me.
That's right.
The Knicks are home this week, aren't they? Yes, sir, I'm giving the tickets to the usual company clients.
We'll give them to Maya.
Jack, you told me if I-- Listen, so maybe you can just come by my house tonight for a little private shindig? Yeah.
We can rent Hoosiers.
Did you hear? She got Persky's office.
Give Maya this, give Maya that.
What's next? My weekend on the company yacht? We have a company yacht? No.
All right, all right, I hate to admit it, but you two were right about her.
I just asked Jack a question about the cover, and you know what he said? What? He said, "Ask Maya.
" Oh, you know, it's just so unfair.
I've worked here for nine years, three of them practically sober.
All right, listen up, here's the plan.
We've got to show him that he needs us more than he needs his daughter.
His alleged daughter.
I want to see a blood test.
We run this place, we hold all the cards, and that's why we're gonna march into his office right now and tell him that either he gets rid of Nepotisma, queen of darkness, or he's gonna lose us, the backbone of Blush Magazine.
I mean, what's next? Our week at the ski chalet? We have a ski chalet? BOTH: No.
All right, now is the time we show Jack what we're made of.
Strength in numbers.
One for all.
United we stand.
Did you barge in here for a reason, or does the floor tilt toward my office? Jack, having Maya here is a big mistake.
The three of us are the backbone-- The three of you? I only see two.
Me, Finch, and Elliott, you bastard.
So you're saying I'm wrong to hire my own daughter? Um Well, Nina, answer the man.
I tried to keep her out, Jack, but her diet pills give her the strength of 10 former models.
Well? Jack, all I meant was Yes? I Mm-hmm.
I Gotcha.
Today is national "say the opposite of what you mean" day.
Isn't it, Finch? No.
See? Crafty.
Hey, Dad, notice anything free on my head? Perfect for lunch at Le Cirque.
Le Cirque? Isn't it impossible to get a table there? Yes, because of people like us.
Wally check out my jacket.
It's from Donna Karan No, not the store, Donna The Human Being Karan.
Daddy took me to her office, and she said, "Hello, Jack, wife number five?" And it was so funny, and we had so much fun just the two of us, and, oh, I've got courtside seats to the Knicks.
Courtside seats? Knicks? Then we were drinking champagne at Le Cirque, and who was there but Liam Neeson.
That's right, Liam Neeson! And he says to me, "Hey, there, wee darling, nice shoes," and I say "They were free.
" Great, and how did your ideas go over? Huh? Your ideas.
Changing the magazine, shaking it up.
Oh, well, you know, there wasn't really-- I mean, we-- Oh, no.
What? He got me.
He totally got me.
I can't believe it.
You're losing me.
My father worked me like a puppet.
How could I be such an idiot? How--how could I not see what was happening? I'm giving this stuff back.
I'm giving back the shoes.
They're gone.
I'm giving back the hats.
Hats got to go.
I'm giving back the tickets.
Well, wait, wait, even better-- We keep the tickets, we go to the game, we sit courtside, and we spend his money on beer and nachos, and then the next day, you march right into his office, and you wave those stubs right in his face.
That'll show him.
Okay, but-- but that's the plan, right? * Oh, and that's how I met Old wife number three * * Now all we have in common Is alimony * [BABY CRYING] Oh, honey, please don't cry.
Uh, let's see Oh, here's one I wrote about my chiropractor.
* Oh, snap and tug And crack * * I think * * This guy's a quack * Maya, I've been doing this for an hour, and she won't stop crying.
Hey, little Hannah bear.
Let's, yeah, get this pacifier out from under your back and put it in your mouth.
[BABY STOPS CRYING] How about that? There you go.
Time to go sleepy.
You know, it's funny-- Shh.
[QUIETER] It's funny.
You hardly ever cried.
Oh, sure I did.
It was just hard to hear from the golf course.
So where's Mrs.
Gallo the fourth? Allie's at the gym.
Apparently, cellulite is more vulnerable at night.
I don't know where she gets the energy.
Well, she's on that special program where she's half your age.
So, uh, can I offer you anything? Well, if it's no bother, can I have my soul back? What? Oh, you're good, I'll give you that.
I mean, you're in a tough spot.
You don't want to change your magazine, but you don't want to look like a bad guy and reject my ideas, so you distract me with the beautiful office, the free shoes.
What? I can't give my daughter nice things? You know what I'm talking about.
I only took this job because you promised me I could write real stories about important issues.
Oh, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.
[BABY CRYING] But we do important stories.
Oh, oh, darling.
How about that piece on the troops in Bosnia? That was on the comeback of khaki.
Why is everything so serious with you? Relax, have a little fun.
Hey, I have fun.
I have lots of fun.
I--I make time to I collect Just believe me, I have fun.
Maya, do you know why my magazine is so successful? Because I give my readers what they want.
Well, maybe they're smarter than you think.
Maybe they want something more than 10 easy ways to pouty lips.
Well, that's not a chance I'm willing to take.
So I guess we're at an impasse.
I guess we are.
I'd say we both have a lot of thinking to do.
I guess we do.
How about all your new shoes? I'm giving them back.
They cost too much.
Well, you still have a pair on.
I can't return these.
They're slightly scuffed.
Could we get started, please? Because I need to re-shoot Noelle for that thong piece.
Why? Why not? Just give it another minute.
I heard a very funny joke this morning.
Seems there was this farmer-- All right, let's get started.
Item one is the conspicuous absence of your colorful daughter.
I only ask this because Persky's been wandering around the 18th floor-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can tell him he can have his office back.
Aw, that's too bad.
Your daughter's presence will be sorely missed.
She is a real treat.
Persky the rodent has left the hole.
Jack, may I say that although Maya and I only worked side by side for one day, I feel that I can truly call her friend.
Sorry I'm late.
You Sit, sit.
You're just in time.
I know you all probably have questions about Maya's role here at the magazine-- Well, my only question is how long till Nina drinks the rest of the Raisin Bran? Well, I gave this a lot of thought last night, and I think Maya will fit in best as articles editor.
Damn, I knew "Articles editor"? As in "articles"? As in "no say over beauty and fashion"? That's right.
Oh, thank God.
Unless the article's about beauty and fashion.
Dear God.
And I have a second announcement.
Starting today, this magazine will try to include more serious, in-depth pieces Sometimes.
Not because I feel guilty, but because I want to.
I just happen to think our readers have grown more sophisticated.
I know my new wife is smarter than any of the last three.
And I'm sure the next one will be smarter still.
But at the same time, let's remember-- small steps.
I mean, we don't want to alienate our readers, and for the record, I'm as much fun as the next person.
In fact, last weekend, I went to the park and blew soap bubbles, so there.
What the hell is going on? Good morning, everyone.
Just moving back into my office.
Persky, my main man.
I'm not moving back into my office, am I, sir? I hear they love you down on 18th.
I'm the only one there, sir.
[***] * Life keeps bringing me Back to you * * Keeps bringing me home * * It don't matter What I want to do * * 'Cause it's got A mind of its own * * Life keeps bringing me Back to you * * Yeah **