Justice League Action (2016) s01e35 Episode Script

Superman's Pal, Sid Sharp

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) MAN: Step on it, would you? I've seen camels with more giddy up and go.
Gonna miss the whole super-kerfuffle.
Better off walking there.
Hey bud, you forgot to pay! Me pay you? You should pay me! For making me late for the story of the year! (SIRENS WAILING) (PANTING) (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Deputy donut shop.
Sid Sharp from the Daily Planet.
Cut to the chase! What's the low down here? I already gave the other guy from the Planet my statement.
Why don't you go ask him? No, no, no, not him, not again! You poaching my story, Kent? Uh, hey, Sid! What do you mean by poaching? I've been here for 20 minutes already.
How? I just ran here as soon as it hit the wire.
I've got my sources.
Maybe next time, Sid.
Yeah, next time you'll find my boot in your CLARK: What was that? Nothing! You're hearing things, Clark.
Next time you get new glasses, check your hearing too.
Why would two big gangsters have alien weaponry? I'm sure it wasn't just to rob a bank.
Apokolips seems like the obvious answer.
I'll have to analyze it back at the watch tower.
SID: How does he do it? Every time there's a story about Superman, Kent is there with the scoop.
Well, Mr.
Superman and Clark are friends, so, anytime there's some action in Metropolis, I'm sure Sup's just give him a ring.
(MOCKINGLY) I'm sure he just gives him a Hey! You're a genius, Olson.
Hah! I don't care what they say about you.
Wait, what do they say about me? Look, Kent first made a name reporting on that flying boy scout.
What I need, is my own super meal ticket.
Great Caesar's ghost! Great Caesar's ghost? That's a terrible name, it's Doctor Scoop.
Sid, are you out of your mind? Now, you think about it.
The Daily Planet will have access to its own personal superhero, me! And I'll be there to report it all.
Even if I did recognize your true genius, you're forgetting one key ingredient! You're not a superhero, you blockhead! DARKSEID: I give the humans weapons to destroy the Kryptonian.
And they use it to rob a bank? Who among you will succeed, where the humans have failed? Surely, the Kryptonian is no match for your most devoted acolytes.
Desaad, Kanto, and your own savage son, Kalibak.
I have already located the Kryptonian, in the structure the humans call the Daily Planet.
Allow me to dispatch a team of para-demons to retrieve this caped nuisance.
DARKSEID: Very well, Desaad.
I want the Kryptonian back here, where I will deal with him, otherwise, I will deal with you.
(BEEPING) Clark here.
I finished my analysis of the alien weaponry.
It's definitely from Apokolips.
I'll be right there.
Can't you see I'm changing in here? Oh, sorry, Sid.
Are you going to be long? (RUMBLING) Arming Kryptonite bomb.
(GRUNTING) DEMON: We have him.
Kent? Mr.
Kent, Sid was just abducted by Darkseid's goons.
Looks like Superman's gonna have to go to Apokolips to save him.
(SIGHS) Yeah, I guess so.
DARKSEID: Desaad, I told you to bring me the Kryptonian.
That not Man of Steel? Man of Steel? This little fish isn't even the man of oatmeal.
Wait a minute, Mount Rushmore.
Superman's my pal.
He's gonna be upset, you kidnapped me.
You stand with Kal-El of Krypton? If that's who you call Superman, then yes.
Sorry, it's hard to understand you.
Got some phlegm in your throat or something? You dare mock a god of Apokolips! Just saying, team ugly over here might have a better shot at following orders.
If they could understand you! Mother say I very handsome.
Enough! If this flotsam will draw the Kryptonian to us, then he shall live.
Long enough to see his friend walk into our trap.
BATMAN: According to our scanners, the boom tube originated from inside Darkseid's throne room.
Getting in will be easy enough.
It's getting him out that will be tricky.
This Sid Sharp, he's a friend of yours? He's Someone who needs my help.
Sid? Sid Sharp? About time.
Superman, look out! (GRUNTING) GRANNY GOODNESS: He came for him.
So, this another Superman? SID: Superman, you okay? (GRUNTS) Need more time.
You three stand watch while I tell Lord Darkseid about our victory.
I never dreamed you three could be as dim-witted as you are revolting.
You're just going to let him waltz out and take credit like that? The Earthling has a point.
Why should Kanto receive the glory? True, Kalibak was hoping for a big hug from Father.
Don't just stand there, go get him! KANTO: What madness is this? You dare lay your hands on Kanto? Before Superman got here, I heard Mr.
Mustache say that if the plan failed, he's gonna blame it on you two dummies.
Is that true, Kanto? You would believe the Earthling over a member of Darkseid's Elite? Actually, now that I think about it, Hoody over here was the one who said it.
Desaad used dirty tricks.
Surely, this is just the Earthling's ploy to He hasn't the wit to lie, Desaad.
Enough, all of you! Bring me the Kryptonian.
Before I turn all four of you into ash.
Almost ready.
As you see, Lord Darkseid, our trap worked, and this Superman is now ours.
I mean, yours.
I expected more from the last son of Krypton.
Yeah, big chief stone face, you let him have it.
You had one job, big blue cheese, and you blew it! Ha.
Some rescue - I'll say this about the Earth people.
- took your sweet time - They always keep things interesting.
- man of tomorrow.
They should call you the man of how about, sometime next week! Sorry I disappointed you, Sid.
Maybe you can make it up to me.
Father! He's mine.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
DARKSEID: Kryptonian? (RUMBLING) (GASPS) (SID EXCLAIMS) Superman, that cockamamie remote control is our ticket out of this dump.
Para-demons, attack! Hey, that was a pretty good swipe.
Guess we know why they call you the man of "steal".
(LAUGHING) Desaad.
You have failed me for the last time This mean no hug? Hmm.
And then Superman was like, it's up to you, Sid.
And I was like, but you're Superman.
And he said, you're the Superman now.
(CHUCKLES) Come on now, Sid, he didn't say that.
Which one of us was there, sunstroke? You can read all about it in today's early edition.
Don't worry.
I'll invite you to the inevitable Pulitzer Prize ceremony.
Chief? You're not gonna believe the story I have for you.
I don't know, Sid.
Kent here just turned in quite a doozy.
Superman doing battle on some alien world called Apokolips? Apokolips? I was just gonna tell you! I gotta go tell them to hold the front page for Clark's story! Uh That reminds me, I took your advice and had my ears checked yesterday.
Turns out there's no need to worry.
I can hear as well as I ever did.