Keeping Up Appearances s02e08 Episode Script

The Toy Store

( theme music playing ) TRY NOT TO MAKE A NOISE IN THE BATHROOM, DEAR.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? I SAID TRY NOT TO MAKE A NOISE IN THE BATHROOM, RICHARD.
WAS I MAKING A NOISE? LOOK, I DON'T WISH TO DWELL ON IT, DEAR, BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A PRINCIPLE OF MINE THAT BATHROOMS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD.
- ONSLOW? - HMM? WHAT'S LIMPID? WHAT?! WHAT'S LIMPID-- AS IN, "HE GAZED INTO HER LIMPID EYES.
" L-I-M-P-I-D.
LIMPID EYES.
THAT'S WHAT I SAYS HERE.
ALMOST CERTAINLY A DISEASE OF THE RETINA.
LITTLE SCABS ON THE RETINA.
YOU GET IT FROM READING TOO MANY LIBRARY BOOKS AND IGNORING CLOSE RELATIVES WHO ARE DYING FOR A CUP OF TEA.
YOU MADE ALL THAT UP, DIDN'T YOU? YOU SAY THAT TO ME, A REGULAR VIEWER OF "THE OPEN UNIVERSITY"? YOU'RE FULL OF FLANNEL, ONSLOW.
AH, YES, BUT EDUCATED FLANNEL.
FLANNEL UP TO DEGREE STANDARD.
WELL, CLEARLY YOU UNDERSTAND ALL THIS, AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING AND TRYING TO EXPLAIN THESE INTRICATE LIFE INSURANCE DETAILS.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, MADAM.
YOU'VE BEEN A VERY PATIENT CONSULTANT.
YES, INDEED.
I'M AFRAID MOST OF I WASHES OVER ME, BUT I SHALL CHECK IT ALL WITH MY SON SHERIDAN.
HE'S THE WIZARD AT DETAIL.
- I DID MENTION SHERIDAN, DIDN'T I? - YES, MADAM.
ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIAN MINDS OF HIS GENERATION AND STILL NOT TOO PROUD TO LOVE HIS MOMMY.
YES, WELL, I MUST BE GOING.
I'VE GOT ANOTHER APPOINTMENT, IN FACT, I SHOULD BE THERE-- HE'S AT UNIVERSITY, YOU KNOW.
I SHALL SCRUTINIZE IT ALL WITH HIM AND IF HE SAYS, "YES, GO AHEAD WITH THE POLICY," THEN I SHALL, OF COURSE, BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU.
- YOU'RE HALFWAY THERE, REALLY.
- OH, THANK YOU.
I DID ENJOY OUR LITTLE CHAT.
THOUGH I'VE FORGOTTEN MOST OF IT, I HAVE TO ADMIT.
BUT NOT TO WORRY, SHERIDAN WILL TAKE ME THROUGH IT, STEP BY STEP.
COME ALONG, I THOUGH YOU WERE IN A HURRY.
I DO LIKE FIRMS WHO EMPLOY PEOPLE WHO WEAR HATS.
IT'S VERY REASSURING TO BE SOLICITED BY A GENTLEMAN WEARING A HAT.
GOODBYE.
( doorbell rings ) SILLY BILLY, YOU NEARLY FORGOT YOUR HAT.
( phone ringing ) FINANCE AND GENERAL PURPOSES.
OH, IT'S YOU, HYACINTH.
NO, OF COURSE I'M PLEASED TO HEAR FROM YOU, I DIDN'T MEAN I LIKE THAT.
IT WASN'T INTENDED TO BE A CRITICAL TONE.
PERHAPS A SMALL ELEMEN OF SURPRISE, THAT'S ALL.
AH, I'M SITTING HERE BURIED UNDER DEPARTMENTAL PRINTOUTS.
YOU HAD A NICE YOUNG MAN SELLING YOU WHAT? WELL, DO WE NEED ANY MORE INSURANCE? WHY ASK SHERIDAN? WHAT DOES SHERIDAN KNOW ABOUT--? NO, OF COURSE I'M NO CRITICIZING SHERIDAN.
HEAVEN FORBID, BUT-- WELL, IT'S JUST THAT FINANCE ISN'T REALLY HIS GIFT, OR WHY IS HE TAKING NEEDLEWORK AS A MAJOR SUBJECT? AND SHOULD WE BE THINKING ABOUT ANY MORE INSURANCE WHEN THERE'S A POSSIBILITY THAT I MAY HAVE TO TAKE EARLY RETIREMENT? OH, YE GODS, EARLY RETIREMENT! RICHARD?! RICHARD, YOU'VE STOPPED LISTENING, I CAN FEEL IT.
( doorbell rings ) OH.
OH, ELIZABETH DEAR, DO COME IN.
- I'M ON THE TELEPHONE.
- OH.
BUT DON'T LE THAT WORRY YOU.
I'M NOT STOPPING, I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYTHING YOU WANTED FROM TOWN.
THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.
JUST WAIT FOR A MINUTE, WILL YOU, WHILE I TRY TO REESTABLISH CONTACT WITH MY HUSBAND? - HAS HE LEFT THE OFFICE? - I THINK HE'S LEFT THE PLANET.
IT'S THE PROSPEC OF EARLY RETIREMENT.
BUT I'VE TOLD HIM-- IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL FOR US TO BE ABLE TO SPEND SO MUCH MORE TIME TOGETHER.
RICHARD?! COME BACK TO US, RICHARD! HE'S NOT LISTENING.
IF THERE'S ONE THING IRRITATES ME MORE THAN ANOTHER, IT'S PEOPLE NOT LISTENING.
OH, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO I SAW THIS MORNING.
DID YOU, DEAR? THAT'S NICE.
RICHARD?! OH, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOT INTO HIM.
OTHER PEOPLE REMAIN CALM ABOUT EARLY RETIREMENT.
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW ONSLOW'S BEEN TAKING IT IN HIS STRIDE FOR YEARS.
DAD'S GONE OFF! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HE'S GONE OFF"? HE'S BEEN PAST HIS SELL-BY DATE FOR YEARS.
HE'S NOT THERE! THAT'S HOW HE'S GONE OFF! HE'S NOT IN HIS ROOM, HE'S MISSING.
WELL, HE'S NO A PRISONER.
WE CAN'T CHAIN HIM UP ALL DAY.
I SHOULD THINK NOT-- MAKE HIS POOR OLD EYES GROW LIMPID.
( laughs ) YOU'D BETTER FIND HIM BEFORE HE GETS UP TO SOME MISCHIEF THAT OUR HYACINTH HEARS ABOUT.
WHY SHOULD HE GET UP TO ANY MISCHIEF? AT A ROUGH GUESS, I'D SAY, BECAUSE IT'S MORE FUN THAN JUST SITTING THERE PLAYING WITH HIS PAJAMA CORDS.
- WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?! - IF I EVER GET SENILE, DAISE, PROMISE YOU'LL NOT LET ME BECOME A VIRTUOSO ON THE PAJAMA CORD.
YOU NEVER WEAR PAJAMAS.
ISN'T THAT UNCANNY? EDUCATION'S A WONDERFUL THING.
OH, DAISY! RICHARD, I'M GETTING PHONE CALLS FOR YOU.
PEOPLE SAY YOUR LINE'S ALWAYS BUSY.
RICHARD, ARE YOU ON THE PHONE OR NO ON THE PHONE? RICHARD! - HMMM? - IS THERE STILL SOMEONE ON THE OTHER END OR ARE YOU JUST HOLDING I FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES? THE OTHER END? OH MY GOD, HYACINTH.
SHE'LL KILL ME! HELLO, I WAS JUST CALLED AWAY THERE FOR A MINUTE.
HYACINTH? SHE'S HUNG UP.
RICHARD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? OF COURSE, FRANK, I'M FINE.
FINE.
( door slams ) ( engine sputters ) WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH IT? IT WON'T GO, THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH IT.
DO SOMETHING BEFORE HYACINTH COMES OUT.
I'M DOING MY BEST.
OH, IT'S TOO LATE.
NOW, DON'T LET'S HAVE ANY UNPLEASANTNESS.
JUST KEEP YOUR TEMPER.
HAVING TROUBLE? NO, WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE TALKING TO THE ENGINE.
I SUPPOSE IT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN WITH THESE OLD CARS.
IT'S NOT THAT OLD! TEMPER, TEMPER.
OH, ISN'T IT, DEAR? I'M SURE YOU SHOULD KNOW.
I'VE PUT THE KETTLE ON, SO COME IN AND RING YOUR GARAGE MAN THEN HAVE A COFFEE TILL HE ARRIVES.
- I KNEW SHE'D COME OUT! - NOW, DON'T BE UNKIND.
SHE'S INVITED YOU FOR COFFEE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU WITH WHAT BLISS THAT FILLS ME.
OLD CAR! ( imitating flying noises ) DON'T DROP IT.
NOW, THIS IS THE CUP THAT WAS AWARDED TO SHERIDAN FOR DOING A WIDTH, DOGGIE PADDLE.
HE WAS ONLY 12 AT THE TIME.
MIND YOU, HE WAS VERY TALL FOR HIS AGE.
WE WERE HOLIDAYING FOR A FORTNIGHT ON THE CORNISH RIVIERA.
AND THIS IS THE CERTIFICATE THAT WAS PRESENTED TO SHERIDAN FOR COLLECTING SEASHELLS.
HE USED TO BRING HIS MOMMY THE PRETTIEST ONES.
HE STILL REMEMBERS ALL THE LATIN NAMES.
THAT MUST BE VERY HANDY.
HOW'S-- HOW'S SHERIDAN DOING AT THE POLY, HYACINTH? IT'S UNIVERSITY STANDARD, YOU KNOW.
BRILLIANTLY! THOUGH HE'D BE VERY CROSS WITH ME FOR TELLING YOU SO.
LIKE HIS MOMMY, HE'S MODEST TO A FAULT.
HAS HE GO A GIRLFRIEND YET? NO, HE HAS NOT, HE'S THERE TO STUDY.
I KEEP TELLING HIM, "SHERIDAN, FIRST CARVE OUT A BRILLIAN CAREER FOR YOURSELF, AND THEN THINK ABOUT GIRLS.
" THE PROPER SORT, OF COURSE.
SOMEONE LIKE MOMMY? ( phone ringing ) OH, EXCUSE ME.
THAT COULD VERY WELL BE SHERIDAN NOW.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
IT'S MY SISTER VIOLET, THE ONE WITH HER OWN MERCEDES, SWIMMING POOL AND ROOM FOR A SAUNA.
- Liz and Emmet: YES! HELLO, VIOLET DEAR, HOW ARE YOU? I'VE GOT ELIZABETH AND EMMET HERE.
YOU REMEMBER ELIZABETH FROM NEXT DOOR? HER HUSBAND WORKS ABROAD SOMEWHERE-- ONE OF THOSE ARAB COUNTRIES.
YES, YOU MET HER AT ONE OF MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS, SHE DROPS THINGS.
SHE'S HERE WITH HER BROTHER EMMET.
HE'S DIVORCED BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY-- HE PLAYS THE PIANO SO BEAUTIFULLY.
YES, HE'S VERY MUSICAL.
HE RUNS THE LOCAL AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY.
NO, HE HASN' TALKED ME INTO IT, YET.
BUT THAT'S ENOUGH OF MY GOSSIP, DEAR, HOW ARE YOU? OH, MY WORD! VIOLET'S BRUCE IS OPENING NEW OFFICES! OH, REALLY! VIOLET THINKS BRUCE WILL PROBABLY BE MADE PRESIDEN OF HIS LOCAL ASSOCIATION! OOOHHH! VIOLET THINKS BRUCE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH-- HIS SECRETARY? VIOLET, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR, DEAR? NOW LOOK, YOU CAN'T RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD MARRIAGE, AND JEOPARDIZE YOUR MERCEDES, ON ACCOUNT OF SOME UNFOUNDED SUSPICIONS.
LIPSTICK ON HIS JACKET? BUT HE COULD HAVE JUS BRUSHED ACCIDENTALLY PAST-- ON HIS PAJAMA JACKET? WELL, YOU SHOULD BE GLAD HE WAS WEARING PAJAMAS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I SHOULD SEE WHAT HE'S WEARING NOW? HE'S DRESSED AS A JOCKEY RIDING ABOUT ON A HORSE CALLED THUNDERBOLT? NOW LOOK, VIOLET DEAR, I KNOW HE'S A TURF ACCOUNTAN BUT IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO DO HIS OWN ADVERTISING? COULDN'T HE GE SOMEBODY ELSE TO DRESS AS A JOCKEY AND RIDE ABOUT ON THUNDERBOLT? WHAT ABOU THAT SECRETARY? SHE SEEMS TO BE WILLING TO TAKE ON EXTRA DUTIES.
I'M SORRY, DEAR, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
- WHO'S GONNA TELL HER? - YOU TELL HER, YOU'RE THE ELDEST.
SHE'S THE ELDEST, I'M ONLY THE SECOND ELDEST.
- THERE YOU ARE, THEN.
- I'LL TELL HER.
YOU'LL BE TOO BLUNT.
ARE YOU SUGGESTING I LACK TACT? JUST 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU, IT DOESN'T BLIND ME TO YOUR FAULTS.
- WHAT FAULTS? - OH, COME ON.
LET'S GET I OVER WITH! ( doorbell rings ) OH, I SHOULD'VE TIDIED UP.
- YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT TO ME.
- DO I? OH, ONSLOW.
OH.
BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.
WELL, NOW YOU'VE FINISHED YOUR COFFEE, YOU'LL BE WANTING TO GE BACK TO YOUR BROKEN CAR.
DON'T LET ME DETAIN YOU.
NO! NOT THAT WAY NO, I THINK WE'LL GO OU THROUGH THE BACK DOOR.
IT MAKES A CHANGE.
YOU MUSTN'T BE LATE FOR YOUR GARAGE MAN.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE I THINK I'VE SEEN A WREN.
I'M SURE IT WAS A WREN.
I SAID TO RICHARD, "RICHARD, THAT'S A WREN!" YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK SHE DOESN' WANT US IN.
DID YOU GET THE IMPRESSION SHE DOESN'T WANT US IN? DON'T STAND THERE, COME IN.
I THINK SHE DOES-- I THINK SHE WANTS US IN.
REALLY WANTS US IN.
WHERE DID YOU PARK THE CAR? OH, NICE AND CLOSE, I SEE.
NOW MIND THE WALLS.
KEEP ONSLOW OFF MY WALLS.
I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HOW HE CAME OFF ON MY WALLPAPER.
MIND THE WALLS, ONSLOW.
OH, NICE.
DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY WHO COMES OFF ON WALLPAPER? HOW'S THAT MUSICAL NEIGHBOR OF YOURS, THE ONE THAT'S DIVORCED? MR.
HAWKSWORTH? HE'S FINE.
HE MUST BE LONELY.
I BET HE NEEDS SOMEBODY SYMPATHETIC-- WITH LIMPID EYES.
WOULD YOU ALL LIKE A COFFEE? - HAVEN'T YOU GO ANYTHING STRONGER? - ONSLOW, YOU'RE DRIVING.
WE'D LOVE A COFFEE.
- YOU'LL HAVE A BEAKER OF COURSE, ONSLOW.
- OF COURSE.
- TELL HER! - YOU TELL HER! ONE OF YOU TELL HER.
HE'S YOUR FATHER.
DADDY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH DADDY? A MIXTURE OF EXPENSIVE TASTES AND SECOND CHILDHOOD.
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
HE'S PERFECTLY HAPPY.
POOR DADDY, ONCE SUCH A BRILLIANT MIND.
WHEN? HE SNEAKED OUT THIS MORNING AND WENT SHOPPING.
GOOD GRACIOUS! WE CAN'T BEGRUDGE DADDY A LITTLE PERSONAL SHOPPING.
TELL HER WHA THEY SAID HE SPENT.
TELL HER WHAT THEY SAID HE SPENT.
THEY PHONED.
LOOK AT THIS.
HE SPENT ALL THIS IN THE TOY DEPARTMENT? 235 QUID.
( laughs ) THAT'S WHY WE CAME TO YOU, HYACINTH.
WE CAN'T AFFORD I ON OUR OWN.
- WHERE'S DADDY NOW? - STILL IN THE TOY DEPARTMENT.
THEY'RE KEEPING HIM AS SECURITY.
I'D LET THEM KEEP HIM.
HE'LL BE HAPPY IN THE TOY DEPARTMENT.
I WILL NOT HAVE DADDY IMPRISONED IN THE TOY DEPARTMENT.
WHY CAN'T THEY JUS TAKE THEIR TOYS BACK? SOME FOOL LENT HIM A SCREWDRIVER.
HE'S BEEN IMPROVING A FEW.
YES, YES, THE TOY DEPARTMENT, BUT COULDN'T I WAIT UNTIL LUNCHTIME? ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BE THERE.
YES, WITH MY CHECKBOOK, BUT HYACINTH, CAN I JUS ASK YOU ONE QUESTION? WHY DOES YOUR FATHER NEED A SPACEMAN'S OUTFIT? IT WAS A PERFECTLY REASONABLE QUESTION.
( engine sputtering ) ARE THEY HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE CAR? NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, ONSLOW.
THE MAN FROM THE GARAGE IS ON HIS WAY.
THEY'LL BE WAITING ALL DAY FOR HIM.
NO, ONSLOW.
ONSLOW.
WE CAN DROP YOU IN TOWN IF YOU WANT A LIFT.
- THAT'S VERY GOOD OF YOU.
- OH, WELL THANK YOU.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'LL BE ENOUGH ROOM? OHHH, THERE'LL BE ENOUGH ROOM.
( squeaking ) OH, GREAT.
THAT'S THE DOG'S.
HE'LL BE GLAD YOU FOUND THAT.
OH, LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIT ON SOMEONE'S KNEES.
Rose: OH, THAT'S LOVELY.
OOOOH.
OOOH, IF I'M TOO HEAVY, JUST WRIGGLE A BIT.
ARE WE ALL SET, THEN? RIGHT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR BRACES.
HERE WE GO.
( engine starts ) ( coughing ) ( toy gun rattles ) DADDY? DADDY? I SUPPOSE IT IS DADDY.
WHAT IF IT'S NOT DADDY? YOU ALL COMFY IN THE BACK? VERY SNUG, THANK YOU.
I'M NO TERRIBLY COMFY.
SOON BE THERE.
( thumps ) SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I THINK MY SUSPENSION'S GONE.
IT'S A GOOD JOB EMMET'S HASN'T.
EXCUSE ME, HAVE YOU SEEN A MAN IN A SILVER SUI WALKING AROUND? HE WENT THAT WAY WITH AN ACCOMPLICE.
CALL THE POLICE! YOU'RE GOING TO WEAR HIM OUT.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE PUT DOWN, ELIZABETH? THE SOONER THE BETTER, I THINK.
HERE IF YOU LIKE.
I CAN PULL IN HERE.
Rose: OOH, I THINK I'VE GO MY STILETTO STUCK.
I ENJOYED THE RIDE.
IT WAS INTERESTING.
WE MUST DO THA AGAIN SOMETIME.
GET IN THE CAR, ROSE! NO PROBLEM.
I SHOULD TAKE EMME FOR A CUP OF TEA, HE LOOKS A BI "OVER-ROSED.
" AT LEAS I'M NOT HEAVY.
MAYBE NOT, BUT I BET YOU'VE LEFT A LASTING IMPRESSION.
OH, DO LET'S GET ON.
I HAVE SOME IMPORTAN BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.
ALL THE WHILE I WAS MARRIED, I DON'T BELIEVE I EVER FELT AS CLOSE TO ANYONE AS THAT.
YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T SEEM TO BE STRUGGLING.
WELL, I COULDN'T ACTUALLY LEAVE.
I WAS A GUEST IN THE CAR.
DO YOU WAN A CUP OF TEA? NO.
I THINK SOMETHING STRONGER.
OH.
DADDY! DADDY, DON'T GO SO QUICKLY! THERE YOU ARE.
- ISN'T THAT YOUR COUNCILOR FRIEND, MRS.
NUGENT? - HMM? OH, YES, IT IS.
NO, NO, NO! I'LL-- I'LL GET OU THIS SIDE.
- WAIT HERE! - I CAN'T, I'M ON A YELLOW LINE.
WELL THEN, DRIVE ROUND THE BLOCK AND THEN YOU CAN TAKE DADDY HOME WHEN WE'VE SORTED THINGS OUT.
OH, MRS.
COUNCILOR NUGENT.
THANK YOU, DRIVER.
- GOOD MORNING.
- WHY ARE YOU WASTING MONEY ON CABS? OH-- YOU KNOW HOW HUSBANDS COMMANDEER THE CAR.
DAMNED EXPENSIVE WASTE OF MONEY.
EXCEPT MY SISTER VIOLET, OF COURSE, WHO HAS HER OWN MERCEDES.
I'VE TOLD YOU ABOU MY SISTER VIOLET.
I HAVE A BICYCLE.
I BELIEVE IN THE THERAPEUTIC VALUE OF A BICYCLE.
MY SON SHERIDAN WAS A KEEN CYCLIST.
IT'S PARTLY TO THA THAT WE ATTRIBUTE HIS BRILLIANT MIND.
ARE YOU GOING INTO THE STORE? NO, I'M JUST LOOKING.
OH, WELL, I'LL BE OFF THEN.
GIVE MY REGARDS TO YOUR BUSY HUSBAND.
AND I HOPE YOU'LL COME TO ONE OF MY CANDLELIGH SUPPERS SOMETIME.
BRING YOUR BICYCLE.
GOODBYE.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, THERE'S NO HARM IN HAVING A LOOK ROUND.
OH, I SUPPOSE NOT.
YOU MIGHT FIND SOMETHING TO INTEREST YOU.
THAT WAS A DAMN SHORT VISIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN? DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE FIRE ALARM? NOT A BLASTED THING.
I DIDN'T SEE MUCH, EITHER.
TENNIS ELBOW.
BRUCE.
AHHH, THE ALARM STOPPED.
- WHAT ALARM? - I THINK IT'S ALL CLEAR NOW.
COME HERE.
THROUGH THESE DOORS.
( laughs ) WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW? LOOK, SUNGLASSES.
NOW YOU TRY THESE, TRUST ME.
I HAVE AN INSTINC FOR THESE THINGS.
- I DON'T WEAR SUNGLASSES.
- WELL YOU SHOULD.
THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY YOU.
I CAN'T SEE A DAMNED THING.
WHERE'S THE WOMAN GONE? MRS.
BUCKET?! DO YOU WAN TO BUY THESE, MADAM? NO, I DON'T WAN TO BUY THESE, MADAM.
GOOD MORNING.
( toy gun rattles ) ( groans ) THAT'S BETTER.
I HATE I WHEN MY BACK GOES.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'VE EXPLAINED EVERYTHING AND I'VE PAID THE CHECK.
Salesman: IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE YOUR FATHER NEEDS FROM THE TOY DEPARTMENT, WE SHALL BE ONLY TOO HAPPY.
THANK YOU.
RICHARD, TAKE ME HOME, DEAR.
I'VE HAD A TERRIBLE DAY.
IF MY SHERIDAN WERE HERE HE'D BE APPALLED.
THANKS.
- NOW WHERE'S DADDY? - I THOUGHT YOU HAD HIM.
( woman screams ) PUT HIM IN ONSLOW'S CAR.
COME ON, DADDY, BACK TO MOONBASE-1.
POOR DADDY.
TO THINK HE WAS ONCE SECRETARY OF HIS FIRM'S SPORTS AND SOCIAL CLUB.
- I NEVER KNEW THAT.
- OH, YES.
A VERY GOOD SLOW BOWLER IN HIS DAY.
- HE'S NOT TOO BAD WITH A LASER.
- HMM? GIVEN THE EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE TODAY, I BELIEVE DADDY WOULD HAVE RISEN TO BE SOMETHING QUITE FAMOUS.
IF HE CARRIES ON LIKE THIS QUITE FAMOUS.
I COULD HAVE BEEN VERY PROUD OF DADDY-- I STILL AM, OF COURSE.
I'D HAVE HIM TO LIVE WITH US, BUT HE'S UNRELIABLE IN THE BATHROOM.
WHERE ARE WE GOING NOW? I WISH YOU WOULDN' ARGUE, RICHARD.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS START AN ARGUMENT? ( theme music playing )