Kenan (2021) s02e03 Episode Script

Those Chops Pop

Birdie, your bag's huge.
It's not good for you to carry
around all that weight.
And it's not good for you
to wheel your books around like
you're going to the airport.
Don't be that kid.
Yeah, she's right.
You don't want them calling you
Aubrey Airlines for the next five years.
Didn't they call you
Sweaty Betty through college?
Hey, I told you that in confidence.
Fine, I'll switch it out.
Hey, you want me to pick up
the girls from school today?
I think I finally figured out
which direction the carpool lane goes.
That's okay. Aubrey has debate
and this one signed up for
wrestling despite my wishes.
Off the top ropes! Ah!
Make sure you do that every time.
- Hey, Gary.
- Hey.
You want to go down to the golf course
and pretend sneeze at people's backswings?
Ah, I love doing that, man, but no can do.
That fine teller works at the bank today,
so I gotta go down there
and pretend to open an account
so I can "plan for my future."
Found a better bag.
Oh, well, yeah, that's perfect.
She went and got a bigger one?
- You're gonna get roasted.
- Let them talk.
You want me to come down
there and talk to them for ya?
No thanks.
Did you just offer to confront some tweens?
Oh, my God, no. That's crazy.
No, never mind. [CHUCKLES]
- Uh, you good?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm good. I'm headed out myself.
- I got a big meeting.
- Oh.
- You have a business meeting?
- Yeah.
'Cause you're in your pj's,
and that means no undies.
Yeah, that's an old negotiating strategy.
Really throws them off their game.
Oh, if that's the case,
why don't I drop you off?

- Have a good meeting.
- Ha, Pajama Man.
Put on some damn underwear!

All right, y'all, huge announcement.
Guess who I booked for tomorrow's show.
- My dad.
- Why would I book your dad?
- So we can meet.
- Yeah, no, look.
It's actually Atlanta's newest
candidate for mayor,
Regina Tyson.
Oh, she got my vote
'cause she fine as hell.
It's not just about her looks.
It's also her power and money,
and then looks.
Now, Kenan, there's gonna be
a lot of difficult
policy questions, so if you get
into the weeds, just do your
[CLICKS TONGUE] Head scratching signal
to let me know that you need me.
Uh, Mika, I think I'll be fine.
I'm a bit of a policy wonk.
Uh, wasn't Obama
the only two times you voted?
No, I also voted for Kanye.
And I haven't had to use
the head scratching signal
since the audience turned on me
for voting for Kanye.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, they hated that so much.
Yeah, that was worse than
when I came back from Jamaica
with my hair braided.
Mm, the audience did not like that.
- No.
- Mm-mm.
- Neither did I.
- Don't do that again.
- I won't.
- I don't know, Mika.
I mean, everybody does
the in-studio politician thing.
It's boring, but Gary told me
about this new spot, L&W.
Maybe we do the interview there,
and it seems like we got
our finger on what's hot.
Nothing says politics like
some sweet molasses pork chops.
They poppin'.
The streets are talking about
how those chops pop.
Okay, look, y'all,
it's way too late for that.
Okay, and plus, if things go sideways
it's gonna be a PR disaster for her and us.
Come on. It will work out.
You know it's me who always
makes it work out, right?
Yeah, that's why we love you.
So go on, get to worky-worky.
No, I am making
the executive producer decision
to do the interview in-studio, periodt.
Oh, and she added the T.
She sure did. She added that T, didn't she?
You know what, I think
I know a little something
about executive producing myself,
so maybe slow your roll.
Oh, yeah, that's right,
you just executive produced
the reboot of your old sitcom in LA.
What's the premiere date for that again?
Mika, the show is not moving forward
and that's why Kenan came back.
She's taking a shot at me, Tami.
Well, I mean, it's not a shot.
I just want to make sure that
this show doesn't wind up
like "Cancelled Ass Little Boy."
- Cancelled ass
Oh, I got that one.
Because the show's called,
"Grown Ass Little Boy."
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, they say
explaining the joke makes it less funny,
but I beg to differ. [LAUGHTER]
- Yeah.
- Stop laughing at my brother!
It's all right.
Cancelled on three. One, two, three.
ALL: Cancelled!
That's fun. [LAUGHTER]
'Cause his show got cancelled.
Okay, I'm bored in the house ♪
And I'm in the house bored, bored ♪
Bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ♪
And I'm bored in the
in the house bored ♪
Hey, bored, bored, bored
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, hey ♪
Hey, I'm in the crib like an infant ♪
Snoop house shoes
getting down in the kitchen.
[SIGHS] One more lap.
Gotta make the turn this time.
This is not supposed
to be a jump on Formula One,
but he goes for it.
Ow. - Okay, I'm bored
In the house and I'm in the house bored ♪
Bored in the house, bored in the house ♪
Bored in the house, bored ♪
I'm bored, bored, bored
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, hey ♪
Hello, old friend.
Man, I can't believe you just
sat there fake laughing
while Mika clowned you like that.
Yeah but I got her back.
Remember when I squinted
my eyes up real tight
and stared at her?
- She knew what was up.
- Yeah, okay.
For real though, man,
that was a lot of jokes
about your time away in LA.
I mean, what's up with that?
Classic power struggle, man, you know?
She been on the throne
for so long, and now I'm back
and she's still trying
to act like the queen bee.
No, this feels personal, man.
Did y'all ever talk
about how you left things
when you bailed on the show
right when y'all were on
the precipice of smashing?
Yeah, man, we talked about all of that,
and we been cool for months.
- Okay.
- Hey, guys, you're back.
How was your day? Boy, mine was jam-packed.
Rick, come on, man. Stop it.
We got Ring cams all over this damn house.
Okay, fine. I was bored out of my mind.
Even my trusty old sax didn't do it for me.
Yeah, you are missing that after-sax glow.
Yeah, I don't know what it is.
I think I lost the passion for it.
Really, 'cause
our neighbor lady left a note.
And I quote, "Are you playing that sax
with your mouth or your ass?"
- What?
Give me that. That sax is my passion.
You just said it wasn't.
The relationship between a musician
and his instrument is complicated.
And this Loretta woman is not
getting in the way of that.
- You can bet that.
- Go do your thing, Rick.
Well, look, if you're right
and this thing with Mika
is a classic power struggle,
what you gonna do about it?
Attention, "Wake Up
with Kenan" staff and crew.
Please gather around. Thank you very much.
[CLEARS THROAT] It has been decided by me,
Kenan, that the Regina Tyson interview
is going to be taking place at L&W.
So it has been decreed,
so it shall be done.
Uh, no, it shall not.
We talked about this, Kenan, remember?
Well, do you remember that
I have been doing television
since I was a child?
Because my parents forced me to.
That was like a burn on our parents.
- Yeah, stay focused.
The point is, I know what I'm doing.
Oh, is that right,
Mr. Everything-I-Say-Comes-From-a-Producer?
Is that what a producer does?
'Cause I could've sworn
all I see you doing is this.
"Um, quiet on the set, everybody.
Quiet on the set even though
I'm the only one talking."
Oh, okay, is that what we doing?
Here's how you talk.
"Hi, I'm Kenan.
"Thanks for waking up with me
and my million eye boogers
that keep getting stuck
in my makeup brushes."
- Oh, are we doing job swap?
Hold on, I got one.
Let's bring out the kangaroo,
but keep an eye out.
He's not just a jumper, he's a humper.
Whoo, Tami! Give her her own show.
- What?
I'm portraying a fan of Tami.
Face it, Mika, this is my house.
I mean, my name is on the wall.
Oh, that old thing?
Please. Anybody can do your job.
In fact, when you ran away to LA,
nobody noticed until the cooking segment.
Mm, that's delicious.
So what do you think, Kenan? Oh!
Well, I'm back now,
whether you missed me or not.
And the Regina interview
shall take place at L&W.
Fine, then you're producing it yourself.
Okay, wait, Mika. Mika. Mika, I'm sorry.
That my segment's gonna be
the hottest thing you ever seen!
You know what, y'all have fun.
I don't want to alarm anyone,
but we can't find the kangaroo.
Yeah, Pam, we're done with that now.
Oh, man.

Excuse me.
For the millionth time,
I don't want solar panels.
No, actually, I'm Kenan's,
kind of, sort of, still
father-in-law, Rick,
and you must be Loretta
"Can't Stand Good Music" Lopez.
Oh, you must be the sax player.
Don't you think it's a little late in life
to take up an instrument?
[LAUGHS] That's funny.
No, I'm a professional musician.
And I'll have you know
that my sultry sax playing
has led to three of my marriages
and all of my affairs.
Well, it led me to a migraine
and apparently to you living
in your son-in-law's basement.
It's a converted garage.
Hey, ay - Stupid, stupid, stupid
U-u-uptown boys not a lot ♪
It's nice, right?
I guess.
Wait, L&W stands for Liquor and Waffles?
- Oh, sorry, pardon me.
- Kenan, great to meet you.
- You as well, Chef Dave.
- And thanks for choosing us.
Listen, not to speak
out of turn or anything,
but I could've sworn when we
spoke on the phone last night,
you said it would be less crowded
for the morning interview.
You can lift your arms, right?
Then it's less crowded. Good luck.
Well, I mean, he right. It is less crowded.
I'm like a bird.
I'll set the camera over here, I guess.
You know what,
this is gonna be great anyway.
- You know why?
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm producing it.
- Exactly right.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Let's get it.
- Oh, there's Ms. Tyson.
- Ms. Tyson.
- Tyson!
Hi. Just come right on over
Oh, sorry, one second.
Whoa, looks like there's a lot of birthdays
in the restaurant today.
Here we go yep.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I see the caboose coming.
Oh, it's all caboose. Yeah.
[GROANS] This is gonna be a disaster.
- You have a plan, right, Mika?
- Mm-hmm, God's plan.
He's the only one
looking out for Kenan now.
I wish he'd look out for Pam like that.
That place has more tail than a dog pound.
Mika, think about the show.
Did Kenan think about me when he left?
You mean think about the show when he left?
- That's what I said.
- Mm-mm.

[SIGHS] Seriously?
You got to run out of air sometime.
I wouldn't count on it, sister.
Why don't you go do that
slow karate somewhere else?
It's the ancient art of tai chi, you dick.
And that's why people who feed their pets
with their mouths
are playing a dangerous game.
Still can't believe that's a sport.
Next up, we go to Kenan on location
with mayoral candidate Regina Tyson
to hear about her plans for our dear city.
Well, Regina, we're so happy
to have you here on the show.
Oh, honored to be wherever this is.
Well, you have such an appeal
with young voters,
I figured we would go to the source.
So first, I'd like to talk to you about
Are you ready to turn up? [ALL CHEERING]
- Turn down! Every turn down!
About the statue controversy.
- What was that?
- Tearing down the statues.
I'm sorry, what?
What are you gonna do
about the people who think
[MUSIC STOPS] The Confederate generals
are great?
- What the hell?
What an unfortunate time
for the music to stop.
DJ, drop the beat already, man. Dang.
I'm sorry. We seem to be having
some technical difficulties here.
Why don't we rejoin
Pam and Tami in the studio
while we figure things out?
Uh, Tami?
I know seven is too old to breastfeed,
but it really helps me keep my weight down.
Oh. Uh-oh.
I think they're back on us.
Over to you, Kenan.
Thank you, Tami. Let's check in with Pam.
Pam? We were just on Pam.
Back to Kenan.
Well thank you, Pam.
Oh, they're telling me that
we got to go to commercial,
so why don't we do that
and we'll be right back.
[BOTH MOANING] Oh, gross.
Oh. Ew.
I'm sorry about that, ma'am. I'm sorry.
Can we please go to commercial?
Okay, we're back from
commercial in four minutes.
I thought that went really well.
Are you stupid? Where's Mika Caldwell?
When she booked me,
she never mentioned any of this.
Well, I'm sorry, but Mika
is not producing this segment,
I am, but don't worry.
I have a plan.
Hey, man, we need a plan.
Are you stupid? We need a Mika.
I don't want to talk to Mika.
Why? What are you not telling me?
- What am I not telling you?
- What's going on?
Oh, you want to know what's going on?
Kenan, look, I've seen her
mad at you before,
but not enough to ruin the show.
It gotta be about
what happened between y'all.
Man, I told you, we hashed all that out.
Oh, really? Okay.
Well, walk me through
the conversation y'all had.
All right, so when I got back on day one
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Oh, hey, I'm back.
We cool?
Uh okay.
All right, now come on
and get you some of this
"Welcome back, Kenan" cake, girl.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Man, what kind of half-ass hashing is that?
It's not even a speck of hash.
- She said she was cool.
- That's how you gonna do, fam?
Man, no wonder she's mad at you.
You haven't even actually talked to her.
You always do this, bro.
You avoid having the tough conversations
- until it blows up in your face.
- All right, fine.
- Okay, I will talk to Mika.
- Finally.
After the show, later tonight.
Oh, my God.
Which would probably be too late.
- Mm-hmm.
- Tomorrow's Saturday,
you know I don't want
to ruin anybody's weekend.
Monday, "Bridgerton" coming out,
so that's four weeks gone right there.
- Four?
- You know what, note to self.
Remind me to talk to Mika on tax day.
You wrong, fam.
You need to stop watching
"Bridgerton" for so long.
- Four weeks, damn.
- Waffles coming through.
- Oh, my.
- That's it.
I do a cooking segment with her.
No, no, listen, it's gotta be
quieter in the kitchen, right?
So I'll just do a casual,
getting-to-know-you cooking
segment with the pork chops.
Regina, you're not Jewish
by any chance, are you?
- What?
- Or maybe perhaps Muslim?
Sir, we've gotten some noise complaints.
According to the lady next door,
you've been "assaulting your neighbors
with white jazz."
So she's calling herself a lady now, huh?

Look, I know we've had a few bumps,
- but this is gonna be great.
- It better be.
I turned down Justin Long's
podcast to be here.
Oh, I didn't know he was from Atlanta.
He's not.
We're back with Atlanta mayoral candidate
Regina Tyson, and we're joined by L&W's,
Chef Dave, who is going to teach us
how to make his world famous
It's more of a local thing.
Locally famous sweet molasses pork chops.
I can't wait.
Well, luckily, we don't have to.
Oh, so you're gonna want
to start with your molasses marinade.
Whisk it for a good while.
Which gives us a better opportunity
to get to know our guest a little more.
So, Regina, do you do much cooking?
Am I allowed to ask that?
I mean, I'm not asking
because you're a woman.
I mean, I'm in the kitchen too.
You know what, Chef Dave here
is gonna be doing
all the cooking, and he is a man, I think.
I'm not allowed to ask that either.
Why don't you ask me about
my Clean Streets Initiative?
Great idea. What is that?
I mean, I know what it is,
but maybe our audience doesn't know.
So why don't you explain it
to us like I don't have someone
in my ear feeding me
pertinent facts and figures?
Like you're an idiot
who knows nothing about me or my politics?
[CHUCKLES] Yes, precisely.
Looks like he's seasoning
those chops with his dander.
No, he's doing his head scratch thing.
Mm-hmm, I see it.
Let's talk about the history of your name.
You're gonna help him, right?
I mean, it's such a great name.
You got Regina Hall, Regina King,
Gina from "Martin"
was that short for Regina?
You know, that show could use a reboot.
Would you have any say in that as a mayor?
I really don't know
what naming all the Reginas
has to do with solving our
city's homelessness problem.
How's that pork coming along, Chef Dave?
I literally just put it in.
Oh, well, let me take a look.
Yeah, it smells done to me, player.
Let's get it on out of there. [LAUGHS]
Oh, I wouldn't. That's not
- Whoo! All right.
- That's not fully cooked.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
You think everything's fine, huh?
Well, why don't you prove it
by tasting that fine pork chop?
- But
- You said it's fine, right?
Go on, eat the chop.
Yeah, sure. I mean, it's fine.
Pork is like fish, right?
I mean, you can eat it raw.
- Can't you, right?
- Uh
You straight I got this. Thank you.
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Mika, I need you. I'm sorry.
I should've talked to you about us
when I first got back,
but please don't make me eat
this pink-ass pork.
I don't want to boo-boo on TV again.
- What happ what'd I say?
I see a vision, so beautiful ♪
Man, what am I gonna do?
Regina's segment was supposed
to be, like, 45 minutes.
- How much time is left?
- Um, let me see. 48 minutes.
Jimmy Dean pulled
their commercial midway through
when you started about
getting sick off raw pork.
I messed up.
Yeah, I think we established that.
Yo, man, you're on in 60 seconds.
- What do I do?
- Ooh.
Take your licks, playboy.
- That's it?
- Man, I don't know.
- [GASP] Mika.
- What?
- Everyday, I'm hustlin'
Everyday I'm, everyday I'm,
everyday I'm hustling ♪
Who you suckers think
you're tripping with? ♪
Yes, I'm the boss
745, white-on-white
That's Rick Ross
I cut them wide, I cut them long ♪
I cut them fat, I keep them coming back ♪
We keep them coming back
Tell them that, more cars ♪
More cars, more hoes ♪
More hoes, more clothes ♪
More clothes, more blows ♪
Everyday I'm hustlin', everyday I'm ♪
- Come on.
Thank you and sorry.
Hey, it's a Christmas miracle.
And we're live in three, two
We're back with Regina Tyson.
Now, in your initiative for the unhoused,
you outline some resources
that will be readily available
for those in need under you mayorship.
Why don't you tell us more about that?
Yes, we'd set up programs
that would help veterans
with accessible therapy
and medical treatment.
You owe me 75 bucks.
How dare you call the music cops on me?
Wow, he gave you a ticket.
I asked him to arrest you.
All I wanted to do was
have a little joy in my day
with some sax.
Fine. Fine, play your sax.
I don't care.
Fine. Fine, I will
Your garden looks like [BLEEP].
You just love fighting with me, don't you?
Yeah, I think I do.
This retirement crap's
kind of boring, isn't it?
Oh, the worst.
I don't even like tai chi.
- Iced tea?
- Sugar-free?
You'll drink what I give you.
75 bucks.
All right, head back to the station.
- Okay.
- Appreciate this.
[SIGHS] Hey.
So, uh, thanks for that.
Look, I know that apology was late
and weird and on TV.
We both know today
wasn't about whose show it is.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry I bailed on you,
but I was scared taking our relationship
to the next level
would just ruin our friendship.
And so instead of telling me that,
you ran away to LA?
Yeah-huh, that's right.
And what was your excuse
for not telling me once you got back?
Again fear. Look, I'm sorry.
I just I wanted us
to go back to the way we were.
I don't want to lose you.
You're my closest friend.
Aww, Kenan.
Are you stupid?
I mean, I'm starting to think I might be.
Close friends talk to each other.
What you did was selfish
and moronic and idiotic.
All right, well,
those are just a lot
of silly names for dumb,
but no, totally fair.
And look, maybe I was
going off on you a little
'cause I was waiting for you
to talk to me about things
and I was just tired
of pretending like nothing was wrong.
- You deserve better.
- I do.
Truth be told, I'm glad
nothing happened between us
because you are a ball of red flags.
This exchange alone. I mean, come on.
There's a way to do things, Kenan.
- You know what I mean?
- I get it.
So then, we cool?
Actually, we are.
Mm-mm, I am tired of this. I'm sick of it.
You're tearing this family apart.
Y'all need to make up right now.
I say, right now.
- We just did.
- We just did it, Gary.
Oh. Oh, cool. [GROANS]
If you'll excuse me,
I had some chops earlier.
I feel a number three coming on.
- Oh.
- Number three?
That's one and then put two on top.
- On top.
- No, that's not good.
- Hey, Gary, you all right?
- Wow.
Why did you eat that pork, man?
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