Kenan (2021) s02e06 Episode Script



I'ma slide anytime you want ♪
Put you in Chanel,
I'ma teach you how to stunt ♪
21, slip and slide like a waterfall ♪
21, ay, turn your phone off ♪
Take your clothes off, 21, I'm a savage ♪
But I [BLEEP] her to a slow song, 21 ♪
Turn the lights down, 21
21, I ain't Mr. Right
But I'm Mr. Right Now, straight up ♪
She want me to [BLEEP]her
to Beyoncé, straight up ♪
But I don't treat her
like she my fiancé, on God ♪
Oh, my goodness! You are terrible at this!
Stop killing me!
Oh, man.
- Aw, Gary, drive safe.
- Yeah.
You said oh, yeah. Of course.
Good hang, girl.
You read, too. That's tight.

That's me, Kenan!

Excuse me, sir.
How are you and your wife enjoying
Atlanta's food truck festival?
Oh, we're not married yet.
We just met by the sushi burritos,
which I'm buying for my beautiful wife,
who's home caring for our four children.
What? You married?
You said your wife was dead!
Well, it looks like the jury's still out
on the food and wine festival
and that guy's marriage.
And cut.
I should have known they were
too happy to be married.
Oh, that lady looks low drama.
- Uh-huh.
- Excuse me.
- Sheila.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Girl!
- Hey!
Kenan, this is Sheila,
my soror from college.
What you doing in Atlanta?
Oh, you know last-minute work trip.
- Sheila, you ready to party?
Oh, [BLEEP], Mika.
Kenan, these are my other sorors,
Keisha and Alexis,
who are apparently in town
for the birthday weekend
I thought was canceled.
Well, very awkward to meet you.
Sorry, Mika.
It's time we tell you the truth.
We were going to invite you, but Sheila?
Mika, we love you,
but you always say you're gonna come,
and then you bail on us at the last minute
because you gotta work.
Then one of us has to pay
full price for a room.
And split the stripper
three ways instead of four.
Oh, that's when the up-charging starts,
am I right?
And don't get a stripper on the holidays
because they gon' add in surge pricing.
I'm not paying doub
that's not important right now, is it?
Not at all.
Now, come on, y'all, I canceled one time.
You canceled the birthday trip one time.
You've canceled four homecomings,
two Friendsgivings, and Essence Fest 2016.
- Did I?
- That one was your loss.
We were extras in "Girls Trip"! [LAUGHTER]
That's what I know you from!
- You got peed on by Jada!
- I did, I did!
We could try to add one more
to the reservation tonight.
Yeah, come get yourself
some of this life, Mika.
A job ain't it.
Well, my job is. I love it.
And I'm passionate about it,
so that's why I can't make dinner tonight.
Excuse me. I'm gonna get back to work.
You guys enjoy your little trip.
Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
Don't let those ladies get under your skin.
They didn't. Why would you say that?
Because it sounds like
your friends didn't invite you
to a crazy fun weekend
- I got it.
- Oh, okay.
Hey, sorry to do this to you guys,
but we need to stay and come up
with a new segment.
What? Why?
Because Kenan's "Word on the Street"
turned into a turd on the street.
I think with some good editing
and maybe some cool graphics,
we could turn it into, like, a "Cheaters:
Food Truck Edition."
Oh, I'm fine polishing the turd
if it means we get out of here.
Yeah, Mika, I've got
my tennis league tonight,
and I already took my slow release oxy.
Huh, I'm gonna go ahead and assume
that oxy is prescribed
and not the reason you went to Mexico
four times last month.
Let's go with that.
Look, guys, we'll just stay
for a couple more hours,
and you'll see.
Putting in a little extra work is worth it.
Yes, free dinner. Am I
Just ask for the raise, man.

That was incredible.
What happened in there
or what happened in here?
[LAUGHS] You're silly.
And cute. Don't forget cute.
- What happened in here.
- Yeah, fo' sho.
And the whole night, I guess.
It was nice going on a real date for once.
It was.
Even though Lauryn
Hill was four hours late.
Hey, she's been
pretty consistent about that.
You know, some people
are worth waiting for.
- Anyway, what should we
- Drive safe.
- Uh, you want me to go?
- Yeah.
Oh, you got, like, work in the morning?
No, I get to sleep in,
but I'll hit you up again.
Okay, when? I mean, cool.
I'm cool with that, okay?
Just the coolest guy. Yeah.
Oh, so you already busy.
Okay, so I'ma just go ahead and head out.
Bye. Thanks.
Open, closed?
She said two hours. It's almost midnight.
I missed my bleaching appointment.
- Your hair looks great.
- It wasn't for my hair.
It was for my you know what?
It's not important.
I don't get it.
Why did she make us
work late for no reason?
Well, it's not for no reason.
Oh, yeah, it's 'cause your segment sucked.
Uh, no, it's because
Mika and her friends have been
having some problems outside of work.
- Mika's never outside of work.
- That's the problem.
And when her friends pointed that out,
it put her in a bit of a mood.
We're all friends.
Stop being so pathetic, Phil.
And we're working late
again tomorrow night.
Come on, I got Joe Rogan tickets.
When I see Mika, I am gonna be
as nice as I always am, but on the inside,
she better watch out.
You know what? Let me talk to Mika.
I think I can get her to ease up.
- You need a wingman?
- Get a dog, man.
A dog and a raise.
God, Phil, have you ever been a wingman?
Are you just getting home from work?
Yeah, man, Mika is tripping.
But what's up with you?
How was your second date with Miss Carrie?
Wait, wait, Carrie and Gary.
Oh, that's adorable.
I'ma get a drink.
Well, we slept together again,
and she asked me to leave again.
Great. That's awesome.
I mean, I guess the only thing
better would be
if she gave you a little cash
on the way out.
I'm sorry.
I don't like making jokes like that,
but it was right there.
It's not funny, Kenan.
I want to be the one to leave.
I feel like she has all the control.
- So get it back.
- How, huh?
Invite her over here and smash,
and then ask her to leave?
Oh, that's not a bad idea at all.
Well, actually, I was gonna
suggest maybe take her out
to a nice dinner and then politely ask
for some of the power back
in the relationship.
But hey, you and I are
two very different people.
Yes, we are. I'ma go with my smash plan.
But thank you.
All right, well, may I suggest
that you maybe smash outside the house,
like in a hotel or the backseat
of your car perhaps?
Oh, give it up, Kenan.
I've already had sex in your bed, dawg.
Yes, in your clothes, role-playing as you,
and I made her wake up with me.
Hey, was it in one of my suits?
Could've been.
It better not have been the baby blue!
[SCOFFS] Gross.
"We're having fun." Okay, grow up.
Hey, Mika, we really need to ta
is that your pillow?
- Are you sleeping here?
- Sometimes.
But where do you bathe?
In all the places that matter,
boom, boom, and beep-beep.
That's not what I meant.
I think you knew that.
Bot look, is it possible
that maybe your friends were right
about you working too much?
Huh, too much.
You see this? This mine.
Sheila rents her handbags.
Alexis lives with her mama.
I own a house. You see these awards?
Just accolades,
accolades, accolades, right?
Keisha's biggest achievement
is getting peed on in a movie.
I mean, she still smells
like Tiffany Haddish.
All right, this is a very bougie rant.
I'm just saying
that I am proud of hard I work.
And look, Kenan is
proud of you, too, queen.
But, I don't know,
maybe you're in your feelings,
and you're not dealing with it,
so you're making everybody work
all these crazy hours.
And people are not happy about it.
People who work
on the number two morning show?
Huh. Who, Kenan, who? [LAUGHS]
Give me names.
I don't know, I think maybe
Phil was saying something
about his check or something, I don't know.
You know what? I got this.
No, you don't. You don't have to get this.
Mika, come back!
Show me some more fancy handbags, queen!
I mean, it's too much.
- It is late.
- I'm so tired.
- Yeah.
- Hey, everybody.
Kenan told me that you're upset
that we're working late tonight,
so I want you to go home and get some rest.
- Oh.
Because we're working the weekend.
Oh, thanks a lot, Kenan.
Hey, you wanted a night off, right?
- So I delivered.
- Mika, you're crazy.
I'm not working the weekend.
What did you say?
I said you're crazy.
Just 'cause you don't have a life
doesn't mean you have to ruin ours.
- Ooh.
- Okay.
Okay, let's calm down a little bit here.
- Everybody's friends here now.
- Yeah, best friends.
- Phil.
- Phil.
Work is way more important
than barfing around the streets
with your friends, okay?
So we are gonna eat, breathe,
and sleep this show
until we're number one.
- Okay.
- No.
I am gonna eat food,
I am gonna breathe air,
and I am gonna sleep
on a cool-ass adjustable hospice bed
that I just got at an estate sale.
Pamela, if you don't come in this weekend,
don't bother coming in tomorrow
or any day after that.
Hey, long weekend. Look at that.
That's a compromise, right?
This is a good day.
- Shall we get some scones, or
- No.
I meant don't come in ever again.
- Are you firing me?
- Come on, Pam.
- Nobody's firing anybody.
- Pam, you're fired.
Damn, she just fired Pam.
- What?
Okay, I'm sorry.
You still got R. Kelly on your playlist?
- I know, he's a monster.
- Yeah.
But he also made me believe
that I could fly.
But you can't fly though.
Deleted. [BOTH LAUGH]
All right, but if you're
getting rid of that,
I am getting rid of
the Shaq album!
Okay, you not about to play
with "Shaq Fu" like that.
- No!
- He gave you slam dunking
- No, he didn't.
- Being a ninja
And a police officer in a random town.
- Well
- Come on now.
He might have a personality disorder.
Also, hold on, you can't judge
because you have Michael Jackson
and then Donald Trump's audiobook,
"The Art of the Deal."
Is this your canceled playlist?
Yes, and my list of people
who can't read that well.
Well, I mean, I think it's time
- that you um
I mean, I think it's time that you
- Mm-hmm?
- Should have some water.
Do you ever drink water?
I mean, don't most people?
Right, well, I'ma get you some
so that you stay hydrated.
- Okay, thanks.
- All right.
- You sit tight.
- Okay.
Don't go nowhere. I shall be but a minute.
I don't know why I did that. [BOTH LAUGH]
All right.
I could do this for hours ♪
And hours and hours - [LAUGHS]
I could do this for hours
and hours and hours ♪
I could do this for hours and hours ♪
So you just gon' go through
with your crass-ass plan
to get your power back, huh?
Yeah, of course.
Absolutely, yeah.
About to, soon as I give her this water.
She gon' be on her way.
Hi. Carrie. Sorry, big fan.
You're so much taller in person.
Why, thank you very much.
- And here's your water.
Oh, and thank you. Bye, guys.
And you should leave and drive safe.
Go on, get on out of here
and drive cautiously.
You think that qualifies
as asking her to leave?
And she done took one of my good glasses.
Boy, what's going on with you?
I've tried to kick this woman out, man,
but I can't.
Oh, I get it.
You think this is
about getting your power back,
but you sprung.
Since the first night, man.
All I wanted to do was
stay over and cuddle.
What do I do?
- Help me.
- Just tell her that.
Tell her how you get lost in her eyes
whenever you see her
or how your heart skips a beat
when she enters the room.
Man, that is corny as hell.
I'm not saying that.
Yeah, well, maybe it is,
but you been swiping through
these streets for years,
and I have never seen you like this.
You were singing Michael Bublé
in the shower the other day.
I know.
I was experiencing
a Bublé level of emotions,
all light jazz and tight Zara suits.
But what if she don't want
to stay the night, though?
Well, then, you come back and pretend
you didn't like her in the first place,
and I pretend to believe you
'cause I'm your brother.
Thanks, fam. You a real one for that.
I'ma go to bed real quick.
You 'bout to go see if she's still
in the driveway, ain't you?
No, no, I'm not even gonna do that.
- All right.
- That's a stupid idea.
Okay, then why are you
running to the front door?
Mm-mm-mm, the pitifulness of yourself.
Okay, come on, Mika.
You made your point,
but you gotta get Pam back.
No, all I gotta do is
pay taxes and stay cute.
Yeah, but Pam is family,
and the good kind of family, too.
She would never steal
your social security number
and go buy a car.
- Ooh
- Yeah, that was Gary.
Okay, Kenan, can we talk
about this after the show?
You're on in one minute.
Oh, forget about the show for one second.
Work isn't all there is, Mika.
You know what, it might be easier for you
to understand that if there was no show.
What are you talking about?
I'm not working until you bring Pam back!
Excuse me?
I that's what my mouth just said,
and I believe I concur.
This is for Pam.
I heard something pop!
Yeah, I need to get back up.
- But I believe I made my point.
- Mm-hmm.
Come on, help me up, girl.
Appreciate you.
I'll just stay down here all day, then.
Can somebody call LeBron's doctor?
I need new knees.
Kenan, I ain't playing with you.
- Get to work.
- No. No.
Not until you agree to talk to Pam.
Kay. Kay, fine.
Tami, guess what? You got your wish.
The show is now yours.
No, Tami, Tami, think about Pam.
- Tami.
- Tami.
- Tami.
- I'm so torn.
This is just like
when I divorced my parents.
You don't want it like this.
You're right. I choose Pam.
She would never spend my pageant winnings
on beef jerky and Mountain Dew.
Kay. Kay, fine. Phil!
Oh, geez, please no.
I'm a fourth banana at best.
What's a fourth banana?
I don't know. Maybe it's sexual.
Okay, you know what? Hey, you!
The show is now "Wake Up
with What's-Your-Name."
- What's your name?
- Beck.
But I'm sleeping with Pam.
Also, we're on in 30 seconds.
Okay, okay, so nobody?
Nobody cares about the show? Hmm?
Not as much as we care about Pam.
Would you please go talk to her?
And say what, that she was right?
That I put work before
my friends until I had none?
And my life is so sad, I asked my Postmate
to watch "Queen's Gambit" with me.
She was like, "Uh, not again.
Not again."
Now I'm dragging you all with me.
Well, I wouldn't mention the Postmate part.
That's rock bottom.
But the rest of that was pretty good.
I am so sorry.
Wake up, wake up, wake up ♪
Good morning, Atlanta.
Welcome to "Wake Up with Tami."
She slid out there
halfway through your rant.
- Yeah, she was quick.
- Girl can't even help herself.
BOTH: Tami!
You think Pam will forgive me?
I was pretty awful to her.
Yeah. I mean, it's Pam.
- She's super reasonable.
- Okay.
- Ah!
- BOTH: Oh.
- MY bad, bitch!
Hey, tell your wife I got her
while you heal up.
All right, well, everybody knows
that trash talk is a big part of tennis.
- Is it?
- Limp faster, Kip!
This is Pam's house! Pam's house!
- Hey, Pam
- Who wants some?
Oh, Kenan, sorry. I was in beast mode.
Yeah, yeah, we saw you
serve Kip up that vasectomy.
Not on me.
- Mika.
- Hi.
What do you want?
To talk about last night.
Well, I only have the court for an hour,
so if you wanna talk, we talk in my house.
Oh, but I'm in heels, so
- Kip, run those shoes!
- Hm?
Oh, he doesn't have to do that okay.
He'll do whatever I ask. Hey, Kip!
Bring me a $20 bill!
- He's gonna bring me $20.
- Oh.
Want one?
Okay, strip.
Okay, but can we talk first?
Oh, no, baby, you're not pregnant, are you?
'Cause I swear it's not mine.
You're so funny, man. I love you.
- What?
- Huh?
- What?
- No, mm-mm.
What I was gonna say is,
I think after we do the thing,
we should watch TV together
and take a long nap,
and then wake up the next day
and have some cheesy eggs and some juice,
something like that.
You're saying you want to stay the night,
and then eat breakfast?
Uh, sure.
Definitely, I think.
I mean, I figured you just
wanted something casual.
I mean, we met on Impromptu-Vous.
I'm sure I wasn't your first vous.
No, no, but
look, you're the only girl with a smile
that made my heart skip a beat.
Aw, Gary, that's hella corny.
[LAUGHS] But it's also kinda sweet.
For real?
So you'd be down
for more than just hooking up?
You wanna cuddle?
Hell no, I don't wanna hell yeah!
- I'm little spoon!
- What aww!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
It was hard for you to say that.
- It was.
- It was.
I almost farted right in the middle of it.
Okay, all right, next one.
I got the next one.
- Here we go, and
- Huah!
Just oh! Okay.
Didn't get that one either.
Do they always come this fast, or
- Okay.
- All right, come on, Pam.
Ease up. Hear her out.
Fine! I'll go lefty. Talk.
Okay, look, I'm sorry, Pam.
Okay, I never should have fired you.
Look, my friends really hurt my feelings,
but they were right, and so were you.
I need to work a little less.
- Huah!
- Okay, a lot less. A lot less.
I definitely need to find
a work-life balance.
Look, can we stop now?
I'm meeting my sorors for dinner,
and I don't wanna sweat out my silk press!
You're going out instead of working?
Yeah, I told you, you're right.
- Pam, Pam, Pam
- No, Pam, don't hurt her!
Aww, love. Just like tennis.
[LAUGHS] Man, I am funny.
Really worked up a sweat there, huh, buddy?
- I skew moist.
- Let me get in on this.
BOTH: Aww.
- Oh, you are moist.
- Yeah.
- Should we hit the showers?
- I'm out.
- As a group, or
- I mean, whatevs.
Okay, well, shower for one. Jealous?
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