Kiff (2021) s01e17 Episode Script

[upbeat music]
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff,
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
Kiff! ♪
[both laughing]
[Kenny] Brought to
you by Kenny's Kayaks.
Paddle not included.
-[dynamic music]
-[wind whooshing]
Come on, Bar.
It's got a little note attached,
what if it's a treasure map,
or directions to a treasure map?
[dynamic music]
[tires screeching]
Touchdown!
-It's the anticipation.
-We're rich!
"Two percent off Rat's Hats and
Mats, yesterday only"?
What does that even mean?
I guess we go back to your place
and finish watching that
movie Balloon Chasers.
[Trollie] Uh.
-Whoa.
-A bridge troll?
This is so cool!
Bridge trolls know the best riddles.
Oh, I was meant to
give you a riddle,
but you've already
crossed the bridge.
Oh, that's fine.
We'll recross the bridge and
then you can tell us one.
No, no, I missed my chance.
Troll rules, you
wouldn't understand.
We'll wait with you
until someone else comes.
I love riddles.
Well, who doesn't? [sighs]
People just don't come
out here anymore, so
Ah, you probably don't even care.
Oh, I'm sorry, did
you mumble something?
Hmm? These are for me,
these mumbles.
Don't you worry.
Bye.
OK, bye.
Yeah, I knew you wouldn't care.
-Huh, what's up?
-No, no, nothing.
Nothing from my end.
Oof, this is bad, Bar.
A troll without a busy bridge
is like a whisk without eggs.
Purposeless.
We gotta install this
troll under a new bridge.
-We bringin' Trollie back.
-We bringin' Trollie back!
[both] Trollie!
I know we just met, but we
think we can change your life.
We can get you to a busy bridge.
Table Town's finest.
Where you can riddle your heart out.
-[Trollie gasps]
-Barry, a beat.
I'd be honored.
[Barry beatboxing]
Do you know where we have to go? ♪
Have you seen where
we wanna have been? ♪
We're a brand new crew that
consists of one and two ♪
That makes three ♪
You and you and me ♪
-[Barry beatboxing]
-End.
[Trollie squeaks]
-OK, Trollie, open your eyes.
-[Trollie gasps]
It's the busiest
bridge in Table Town!
A riddler's dream!
[Trollie laughing]
I can tell by the structural damage
how many people use this bridge.
Oh, look, there's even a
deep muddy ditch over there
for riddle failures.
Wait, what's that I hear?
My first riddle? [laughing]
-[both gasping]
-[bright music]
Hope I'm not too rusty.
Uh, if you'd like
to cross the bridge
you must answer a delicious riddle.
Ooh, fun.
I have a face and two
hands, but no arms or legs.
What am I?
I know, a clock.
No, no. A worm with hands.
So, no passing.
[laughing] I'm not rusty at all.
A worm with hands?
Right, here's another stumper.
What's green and full of holes?
And if it fell out of a tree,
it would squash you?
OK, this is actually fun.
OK, you know what it is?
A block of moldy Swiss.
Now let me through.
[imitates buzzer] Wrong!
A golf course.
-Don't touch me!
-[Trollie laughing]
[mud splashes]
[witch muttering]
I'm loving this.
I'm back, baby!
Are these riddles a little off?
They're not giving
me a riddle feeling.
Maybe he just needs to warm up.
Three men walk up to a baby
and say, that's not my son.
Who was the baby's doctor?
What?
[imitates buzzer] Ditch!
I've never been abroad,
but I've seen the entire world.
-What am I?
-Oh, I know this one.
-The moon.
-[all] That's good. That's good.
[imitates buzzer]
It's the guy who dusts off
the inside of atlases at libraries.
Come on! [laughing]
Ditch!
OK, there's a bowl.
It's full of something,
but you can't eat it.
What is it?
I can already tell you're
not gonna get this one.
OK, I'm just gonna tell you.
It's oatmeal.
Ah, imagine eating an
entire bowl of oatmeal.
Can't do it, yuck!
Ditch!
Kiff, I don't think
he needs to warm up.
I think he needs to cool it!
I apologize.
But my mom takes
this bridge to work.
These riddles need to be solvable.
I know, I'll talk to him.
Hurry, it's almost rush hour.
I'm sorry.
[yells]
-Troll!
-What?
No punting people.
Sure, OK.
Hey, Kiff, I've gotta
thank you, by the way.
This bridge has given me
a whole new lease on life.
[all chattering]
Great, great.
Also, uh, Barry and I were talking,
and we're just
testing something out.
So, can you start with
some easy riddles?
The no-brainers.
We just wanna see something.
Oh, I love no-brainers.
Of course, absolutely.
No-brainers, here we go.
Thank you.
He's gonna do the no-brainers.
[imitates buzzer] The answer is
a cafe that won't serve zombies.
No-brainers. [laughing]
Ditch!
[all chattering]
What gives?
This bridge was working yesterday!
This isn't an
established troll bridge.
Forget it, I'm taking a kayak.
Whoa!
[all chattering]
Come on now, I got sheep to sheer.
[sheep bleats]
I am not so sure about this new crew
that consists of more than two.
Hold on.
[dynamic music]
Trollie, we really
wanted you to be happy,
but this isn't working out.
It's time for you to go
back to the other bridge.
What? But I haven't seen foot
traffic like this in years.
No. No, the only way I'm
gonna leave this bridge
is if you can stump
me with a riddle.
Hmm. Troll rules.
[Kiff grumbling]
[dynamic music]
Barry, we need our own
unanswerable riddle.
I don't have one of those.
[dramatic music]
But I know who does.
Are they here?
[all muttering]
Riddlers.
We need you.
[raucous music]
When the road is long ♪
And you can't see the end ♪
When times are tough ♪
And you need to lean on a riddle ♪
Those who make me often break me ♪
What am I, I'm a promise ♪
And my promise to you
is to riddle on through ♪
Soaring high on the
wings of a riddle ♪
Hang in there, they
got a riddle for you ♪
Hang in there, they
got a riddle for you! ♪
[all chattering]
[engine rumbling]
Which car goes backwards
and forwards the same way?
[all] A racecar!
It's a palindrome.
We're saved.
Please out-riddle this monster.
We have no idea how he got
here, but get rid of him.
[serious music]
All right, you wanna
honor troll rules?
Honor this.
-What gets wet the more it dries?
-Towel.
Thirty white horses upon a red hill.
-Teeth.
-I can be hot, I can be cold.
I can run, and I can be still.
-I can be hot--
-Water.
-People say I put doctors at--
-Apple.
Well, that was over
before it started.
Give it up, Tabletonians,
you can't stump a riddling
troll at his own game.
I've been riddling around
since ancient times.
But your riddles stink.
You know what,
you try standing here
and making up riddles.
It's really hard.
And I'm churning them out.
If you're so smart,
you give it a whirl.
[all muttering]
A little help, guys.
What riddle do we tell?
I don't know.
We've been trying, Kiff.
No matter what we
throw at this troll
he always seems to know the answer.
He always knows the answer.
All right, hit me with
your best shot, Kiff.
Imagine if you will,
troll, a bridge.
OK, I'm with you.
In front of that
bridge stands a troll.
I like where this is going.
The troll riddles
all who wish to pass.
The riddles cannot be answered,
but there's a way to
get to the other side.
What is it?
Oh, riddles. [muttering]
[laughing] It's an easy one.
You build another bridge.
[Kiff laughing]
I've done it!
There you go, Table Town.
All we have to do is
build another bridge.
You solved the problem you created!
[all cheering]
Well, that can't be the
right answer to the riddle.
-[all muttering]
-What?
There's engineering to consider,
not to mention the heavy
burden on the taxpayer.
So we're back to square one.
-We don't have the answer!
-But hang on.
If the troll's answer
is wrong, it means,
it means we stumped the troll.
You can't just build
another bridge, people.
It's not viable!
He's right, and you're wrong.
We stumped you, Trollie.
Let us through.
What? Of course you can
build another bridge.
You just take some boulders like so
and then some of this,
and then do that.
-[all gasping]
-Voila!
So, I was right. Ha!
[all cheering]
I guess you win, Trollie.
-You win.
-Huh?
There was supposed to be paperwork.
I, we, just wanted to say
that we're big fans of your work.
You're impressive.
You're an impressive troll.
I mean, we riddle part time.
I can't even imagine
doing it all day.
[dynamic music]
You know what?
I'm running 15 minutes early.
I could go for a riddle.
[dynamic music]
[Bear screams]
[Announcer] Brought to you by
Howseman's Trash Can Polish.
For that Howseman gleam!
[Miss Deer Teacher]
Today, we're learning about
the digestive system, with this!
We're going to stuff it with
hot dogs and fizzy drinks,
and see what happens.
Oh, Barry.
Barry, today might be the best
day of our educational lives!
Never did I imagine that we
would witness what goes on,
-on the inside.
-[magical tinkling]
Now where did I put
those 50 hot dogs?
[class murmuring and giggling]
[musical jingling]
Oh, snickerdoodle,
I left them in my truck!
Fifty hot burps coming
right up! [laughs]
[class laughing]
Think this is my first rodeo?
Everyone listen up!
I gotta duck out for a hot minute,
but if anyone is out of their
seats when I return, anyone.
You'll go straight to detention
and miss this insane demo.
No exceptions.
[class cheers]
[rowdy rock music]
[student whooping]
[intestines rustling]
What? But, Miss Deer Teacher's
gonna be back any second.
[trash can clangs]
[student laughs]
Now let's just take
our seats, everyone.
Everyone calm down.
[class clamoring]
No one's listening.
Oh, they've slipped
into silly moods!
Oh, c'mon, not today.
Squirrel attack!
[trash can clanging]
[Kiff grunting]
[Kiff chomping]
[Kiff chomping]
[Kiff grunting]
[Kiff growling]
[ball popping]
Oh, yeah, I did it. Oh, yeah, I--
Kiff Chatterley?
[suspenseful music]
[box thudding]
I'm very disappointed!
Guess Kiff's getting detention.
Oh, well, I--
You did say.
I did.
[sighing] Kiff, please report
to in-school detention.
-But--
-[Miss Deer Teacher] No buts!
Butts. [snickers]
Miss Deer Teacher, this
injustice will not stand!
If Kiff goes down, we all do!
Right?
No-- Not, not right?
[dramatic music]
Well, Kiff,
I'll see you on the inside.
[door slams]
[dramatic music]
[juice box crunching]
-Oh, hello
-The name's L--
-[scraping]
-E.
OK well I'm Bar--
E.
It's nice to meet ya!
L.E. seems nice.
Gotta get back to class,
we can't miss another second
of Miss Deer Teacher's
sweet, sweet, teachins.
Who's in charge here?
[clears throat]
Kiff Chatterley?
In detention?
[sighing] Sweepy Steve, there's
been a terrible mistake.
Oh my, let me consult
the detention manual.
Hmm, let's see here.
Hm, terrible mistake,
terrible mistake, turn to--
Oh, page 231.
OK here we go, here we go!
OK, so now I'm supposed to say--
"Get back in your seat right now
and sit quietly for the
duration of detention!"
Ah!
Bye, everybody!
Kiff and I don't belong here,
so we're leaving--
And we're good to go?
OK, uh hello again, everybody.
We're not going anywhere.
Hi, Hi.
So, what'd you do to get in 'ere?
Like, Gareth's in 'ere cos
he gleeked on a teacher.
Accidentally.
Miss Minty was in the wrong
place at the wrong time.
And I stole every eraser
outta Mister RiPeppa's class.
Every eraser?
Even the ones off the
number 2 pencils. [laughing]
Now everybody's making
mistakes, not just, me.
Yeah, so what, Amira? I did
an epic burp on a school bus.
That got you detention?
No, but then I spray-painted
"I burped on this bus," on the bus.
It was-- It was just so epic!
Hmm.
Whoa, you've missed a ton
of critical instruction,
you should be in class, all of you.
We are in class.
A real class, not just four walls.
C'mon, there's good
stuff going on out there.
I mean in MDT's class alone.
Intestines! Hotdogs!
Questions! Answers!
Well, I give knuckle sandwiches
to kids who don't
answer my questions.
So once again, what did
you do to get in 'ere?
Oh, I--
I got up out of my seat.
Show us.
[chair scraping]
[all] Ooh.
Hm toasty. [snickers]
This is crazy.
We can't miss the best
class of our lives
because we're stuck in here.
We're getting out.
[Mav] Getting out?
Oh-ho-ho, that's what
all the newbies say.
But I got news for ya, kid.
[adventurous music]
It's impossible.
What? Those plans had more holes
than a piece of Swiss cheese!
[dramatic musical sting]
[fists pounding]
Oh, boy, it's the universal
sign for mashed potatoes.
You think you can do better?
I'd like to try together.
No kid belongs in here, let's
make like chips, and dip!
-Whoo!
-Oh, yeah? How?
[contemplative music]
[drums crashing]
[chuckling] Ol' Sweepy Steve,
always falling asleep in sunbeams.
[contemplative music]
She's thinking.
By taking into account the
sun's position in the sky,
I infer that Sweepy Steve
will fall asleep again in 6 minutes,
when a sunbeam will strike
through the second window.
Astronomy.
So what?
Oh, my good lamb,
if you do exactly as I
say when the time comes,
I'll have us waltzing outta here.
No dancing in detention! Hmm.
And now.
Oh no, here we go-- [snores]
Well, wouldja look at that.
She doesn't disappoint, folks.
[eraser squeaking]
[Sweepy Pete mumbling in his sleep]
OK, with these bad boys
at our desks instead of us,
it'll look like we're all
quietly doing detention
when Sweepy wakes up!
When the final beam
hits the last window,
we can be on our merry way
without anyone being suspicious.
[snoring] Wha-- Suspicious?
Back in your seats.
[suspicious music]
Well. [groaning]
To avoid any dubious fancies
of getting out of here,
[Sweepy Pete groaning]
I'm just gonna position
my chair right here. Hmm.
Kiff, that sunbeam is not
gonna make contact with Sweeps!
Three pointer!
Don't wanna be a litter bug.
Well, there's your problem,
trash can's in the wrong place.
No wai--
[Sweepy Pete snores]
Trigonometry!
So what? He's sleeping right
against the door.
We can't get out anyways.
See? There's no escaping detention.
[Sweepy Pete snores]
Time is ticking.
We don't need a door when we have,
a much tinier door!
[all arguing]
We don't even have a ladder.
We don't need to get a ladder.
[grunting]
Yeah!
[chuckling] Ever heard of gym class?
We are a ladder!
[all exclaim]
Our bodies are capable of so much!
Look at us,
Cirque de Soufflé over here.
[snoring] Huh? What?
Ah.
[all cheering]
[triumphant music]
[bodies crashing]
[Mav groaning]
[Rosso crashing into the others]
Hey you bumped my wing,
ya big pillow.
I can't feel my flippers
[groaning] The walls are closing in!
Being stuck in detention was better
than being stuck in here.
We're jammed in like
a buncha hot dogs.
OK, we just need something
to propel us out of here,
something like a--
[gasping] Hey, Rosso!
-Yeah?
-Do your thing!
[echoing burping]
[Kiff yells]
Physics, baby!
I've got something for ya.
Not a knuckle sandwich!
I've never actually given
anyone a knuckle sandwich.
This is more of a knuckle cannoli.
It's a real treat.
You've got smarts, squirrel.
Impressive.
Wait! Where ya gonna go?
It's about time we started
thinking about our futures.
See you 'round, Kiff, Barry.
-I never got his name.
-Let's go.
Let's go!
Think you can eat this much
without dire consequences?
[laughs]
[intestine model straining]
This is it!
[intestine model grumbling]
[grate crashing]
[intestines exploding]
[hot dogs splattering]
[rumbling]
[hot dogs squelching]
Sneaking out?
And then sneaking back in,
and all this burping?
Well, you've not only broken out,
you've broken through.
[gentle music]
[eraser squeaking]
[papier mâché squishing]
is like a tunnel, which is
like a cannoli with no filling.
Well, Kiff Chatterley, it
seems you've single-handedly
rehabilitated my baddest of apples.
Oh, wow.
Aw, they're just kids.
And it was four hands,
PS, Barry helped.
Oh, wonderful!
Well done, Barry.
[military drumming]
[head thudding]
Back to your seat.
[theme music]