Killing It (2022) s02e08 Episode Script


Welcome to Lil' Piggies.
What looks good in the trough today?
Hi, let me get two
number six combo meals.
One with fries. One with rings.
And both with Dr. Blancos
and then, uh
I just remembered it's my birthday,
so I want my free shake.
- Vanilla.
- Next window, please.
Bro, what goes on in your head, dude?
You're so fucking random.
Honestly, dude,
we should film this shit
and put it on my Instagram.
Oh, my God.
People would lose their minds.
Shh, shh, shh.
Hi there.
Oink, oink, piggies.
It's feeding time.
I got two number sixes
and one free birthday shake.
- Can I see your ID?
- Uh, like, why?
I need to check if
it's really your birthday.
No way. Fuck you.
Just give me my free shake.
Dude, you think you're the
first person to try this shit?
The free shake promotion is
only for our loyal birthday piggies.
Proof of birthday is required.
If you're lying about
your birthday because of
the stigma surrounding food
insecurity, please note that
Lil' Piggies now accepts
food stamps and EBT payments.
Food stamps?
So so so you're calling me poor?
- Turn that shit off.
- Dude, I'm just reading
the thing they tell me to read.
So you think I can't
afford a milkshake.
'Cause they're $3.
Then why you want a free one?
Because I'm doing a joke.
Because I'm smart.
I drive a fucking Escalade
in case you haven't noticed, dipshit.
This kid has a condo.
No fucking mortgage. Fuck you.
Dude, I can't even put a free shake
into my screen unless I scan your ID.
You know what? You have ruined enough
of my birthday as it is.
Just gonna pay for my shake.
- You happy now?
- Nazi.
- Literally.
- Fuck.
Uh hmm.
This isn't strawberry.
- You said vanilla.
- No, I said strawberry,
and I don't want this shit, so
Sixth fucking shake
I've been hit with.
Worked here two fucking weeks.
Thank you so much.
Could we have two
barbeque sauces please?
Of course.
Oh, this motherfucker.
Calvin, I'm taking my break.
Go on and pull in here
and park around the back.
Oh, hey, Ray-Nathan's truck.
They're back.
Do you want to tie me up or
No, honey, it's fine.
You ain't got to worry
about Ray-Nathan.
Oh, okay.
I guess I'm just thinking about
when he hid
in my backseat to kidnap me.
Don't let his size fool you
or his tattoos or his opiate problem.
He's just a big, old kid.
- Yeah?
- Yo, Donnie, what's up?
- It's Shayla.
- What the fuck, Shayla?
You're gonna call me
after your little friend
came into my garage and
beat the shit out of Paulie?
He had to cancel his vacation.
Disney fucked him on his deposit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, if you want your revenge,
here's your chance.
I just need you to tell me
how to steal a Kia.
Uh, guys, this is a lot of blood.
Wow. More and more.
What the fuck was that, Ray-Nathan?
- Are you trying to kill Mom?
- I had to stop her.
She's gonna get us all sent to jail.
Nobody's going to jail.
Cousin Tyler basically
runs the sheriff's station, remember?
And he still owes me
from that hand job.
Cousin Tyler got fired, Natty.
- What?
- Yeah, he was stealing drugs
from the evidence lockup
then the idiot
did them on the way home.
Crashed his cruiser into a synagogue.
Why didn't anybody tell me that?
Because I didn't want her to know!
And you're bad at secrets.
My therapist says I put
people at ease by sharing.
- And by giving them hand jobs.
- Oh, yes, Ray-Nathan.
I love easily because
I want to be loved.
Doctor Amanda says it's all connected.
I really think she needs
to go to the hospital.
- I can call an ambulance.
- No, I'll drive her.
No, you fucking won't.
You dumbass.
Set off the fucking car alarm.
- I'm the dumbass.
- Yeah.
The only one in this family
thinking straight.
This whole thing's been bungled
from the jump.
You kidnap rich people.
Duponts and shit.
These aren't successful businessmen.
They're losers like us.
Mama must've been smoking
I can't understand you.
Thought she'd get a dime
out of Craig fucking Foster.
Well, what are we supposed to do?
Wash our hands and walk away.
We kill her, torch her car,
act like it never happened.
Her DNA is all over this club.
That bird has been picking at her hair
and making nests out of it everywhere.
Then we burn this useless
place to the ground.
Start fresh.
You know I got my five-year
plan to get us into fentanyl.
That's the future.
- Run.
- Motherfucker.
Mama! Mama!
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I found the yellow.
- Nothing's fucking happening.
- Shayla?
- Shayla!
- Oh, fuck, Donnie.
- I gotta go.
- Shayla!
The yellow isn't wor
- Oh, hell yeah.
- Shayla! Shayla?
No. Wait. Wait.
Fuck you, Jillian.
This is what you get.
- Oh, shit.
- Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
This is your car, Jillian.
I'm not liable.
I don't know this person.
You can't prove I was driving it.
I actually, I walked here.
What the fuck?
- Jillian.
- Sir. Sir.
You can't just come in here.
You gotta calm down.
My friend is here somewhere.
She called me to come get her.
- What's her name?
- Craig.
- Jillian.
- Over here.
Oh, thank God.
I knew you said you were fine,
but I had to see for myself.
- I really thought you were dead.
- Craig, I'm okay now.
You don't have to worry anymore.
Although it is nice
to hear you so upset.
Do you want to talk a little bit more
about how sad you were?
Honestly, it felt like I was
missing a part of my body.
- Wow.
- Just total numbness.
Oh, I love that.
I didn't know how I was gonna go on.
A real what's the point situation.
I'm just so sorry I got you into this.
No, it's fine.
I knew you would come save me.
That's the only thing
that got me through it.
Except you didn't save her.
I had to step in
and take care of business.
No, no, no, no.
You were stealing her car
and you ran over a guy on accident.
- You don't get to play hero.
- Yes, she does.
If it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't be alive.
Yeah. What now, motherfucka?
Thank you, Shayla,
for saving my friend.
- I guess I misjudged you.
- And?
Can we talk about this later, Jillian?
You promised.
And if you're interested,
- I'd like
- Love.
Love to give you your old job back.
Is that all?
I'll have the port-a-potty
cleaned every week.
Even though I shouldn't be
responsible for
a Tasmanian devil absolutely
leveling it with shit nonstop.
Well, I'm not coming back.
Not with that attitude.
Okay, I tried.
- You go the normal amount.
- Thank you.
That's all you had to say.
I'll take the job.
Great. I'm so thrilled.
Now, can we please leave?
I don't want to be here
when Sheriff Boone shows up
and lets his cousins out of jail.
I forgot to tell you, we don't have to
worry about that anymore.
He got fired.
Wait, they didn't have protection?
So then what happens to them now?
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Jackie.
- How's your head?
- It's fine. Why?
Well, your son tried
to kill you with a bottle.
If he really wanted to kill me,
he'd'a used a brick.
He loves Mama. He wouldn't brick Mama.
- So you're not mad at him?
- Course I'm fucking mad.
But he's my son, so I forgave him
and, you know, maybe the dipshit'll
actually read
a fucking book in prison.
How long do you have to be in for?
Ten years.
Five with good behavior, so you know,
probably the ten.
Jackie, I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
There's a silver lining.
I got the lab results
from my colonoscopy.
I got cancer.
See, in Australia,
silver lining means a good
- or positive thing.
- That's what this is.
When you're locked up,
the state has to provide
treatment for you.
I don't know much about prisons,
but amazing medical care
isn't the first thing
that comes to mind.
Well, in my book, free medical care
is amazing medical care.
And if I never have to speak
to that fucking Lorraine
from COBRA again, it's a happy ending.
But you had to be in prison.
It's a happy ending, Jillian.
A happy ending.
I'm so thrilled for you.
Can I ask you something?
Why didn't you run away from me
when I skipped my colonoscopy
- when you could've?
- I don't know.
you're very scary to me, and
it seemed like you maybe needed
someone there with you.
- You're a nice kid, Jillian.
- Thank you.
- Too nice.
- I'm so sorry.
The world is gonna eat you alive
if you don't stop letting
yourself get pushed around.
Yo, Agent B.
Been meaning to give you a call.
What the fuck is happening
at the Lamonca group, Isaiah?
The board just forced Rodney
to step down.
I mean, I am watching
shit hit the fan here
and now I have a mouth full
of monkey fudge.
I I don't know what that means.
It means that you gave
the dongle to your brother.
It means that you fucked me on this.
Yeah, I probably should've told you,
but I don't want to be
an FBI informant anymore.
You're a criminal, Isaiah.
You don't get to decide
to stop being an informant,
in the same way that I don't
get to decide to stop being bi.
I told my father that.
God, I am gonna put you in jail
so fucking hard.
Well, you gonna have to
catch me first.
You know, I'm the FBI, dipshit.
We get $10 billion a year
to track down weasel fucks like you.
- Is that so?
- Sounds like you're driving.
You know, what if I just put
facial recognition
through every single interstate
camera in the country, huh?
You should definitely do that.
- Isaiah
- All right.
Isaiah, don't fucking hang up on me.
- See you around, B.
- Isaiah, don't hang up.
Done. You two are officially
once again
the sole owners of Henry's Farm.
Good riddance to that shit pit.
I mean, it is our lifelong dream.
Cool dream and maybe one day
you can win $5,000
on a scratch ticket.
I know you're being mean,
but honestly,
that would be such a thrill.
I have come close so many times.
Sorry to interrupt.
Finished that report.
It's in your inbox
- if you want to check it out.
- Yeah, I know. I'll get to it.
- Rodney?
- What?
You're working for Prada
even after she betrayed you?
- I thought you'd be angry.
- You fucking kidding me?
I couldn't be more proud.
To think that that little
killer came from my nuts.
Aw, it brought you two
closer together.
Oh and it's good that she's close.
Because now, when she's not looking,
I'm gonna slide a knife
in between her ribs
and take back what's mine.
I'd like to see you try, old man.
Who was that?
What was who's talking?
All I see is an empty chair
because you're already fucking dead.
I'm gonna wear basketball
shorts to your funeral
and dunk on your fucking grave.
- Love you, Dad.
- Love you, too, kiddo.
I'll see you at home.
I'm so happy to be standing here.
Second chances are a beautiful thing.
Henry's Farm 2.0 is gonna be a place
where we treat each other like family.
And not like a family
that's mean to you and says,
"Oh, if you're hungry,
just heat up a can of chili."
But then makes chicken and rice
for their dogs right in front of you.
- Talking about your family?
- Maybe.
Well, well, well.
- God damn it.
- I hope you got room
in this little family of yours for
for one more, huh?
- Hermanos.
- Brock, everybody.
My old friends, congratulations.
You've been served.
I don't understand what's happening.
Your ass is getting sued
because Craig promised me
a part of the farm
and then he never paid up.
That's not true, is it, Craig?
- No. I mean
- It is true.
I'm planning on proving it
'cause I got the best fucking
lawyer there is.
Meet Dean Trovia.
We actually already know each other.
Yeah, last time we saw this guy,
he was literally running away from us.
Because I wasn't gonna win that case.
It's like my mom always
used to tell me.
No one wants to dance with a loser.
Well, you're not gonna
win this case either.
Uh, yeah we are.
If we weren't, I'd be
out of here so freaking fast.
Bet not that fast.
Want to see fast?
I have evidence that proves
you made a binding verbal agreement.
There were a lot of people
filming at that party.
You're bluffing.
Look at how much you sweating.
This? This is just baseline sweat.
This is where I start.
That's right.
But doesn't have to be that way.
All your problems vanish
if you just sign this.
Oops. Sorry. It's hard with the casts.
God damn it, just
This contract gives me
my 5% of the farm,
which you promised.
I didn't promise you anything.
Yes, you did, you looked me
right in the eye and said it.
What are you talking about?
You can't prove it.
I'm talking about the fact that
I let you inside my socket.
I see who you are, Craig Foster.
Jillian, what are you doing?
Can you guys give us a second?
You signed this shit?
What the fuck, Jillian?
Fair is fair. You promised him, right?
- You had a deal.
- No.
I mean, I don't think so.
There was a lot going on that night.
I know Brock;
he wouldn't have helped us
unless he was
getting something in return.
Okay, fine,
maybe we had an informal deal,
but he was taking advantage of me
when I was worried about you.
He's not a good guy.
This is very basic dog-eat-dog stuff.
But, like, dogs shouldn't
eat dogs, right?
- Uh
- No.
When a dog eats another dog,
people freak out.
Ha! Got you assholes.
Shit, shit, shit.
We just recorded that
whole confession.
You two are even dumber
than I thought.
The party video was a bluff,
but now you're screwed.
Say cheese
- Oh.
- Shit.
Um, I'm gonna call 911 on your phone.
Oops, I accidentally
deleted the recording.
- Craig!
- I'm calling. I'm calling.
- Todd! Um
- Isaiah.
And it's been two months
like I promised.
- Here I am.
- Hey, babe.
Everything okay?
Tall Caleb?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
Delivering the berries we owe you.
No. No, no, no, no.
We had a contract months ago
- and you ghosted me.
- We're so sorry.
That wasn't our choice.
Our farm got stolen from us.
But we heroically
wrestled back control
and we have one truckload of berries,
which are yours if you want them.
Normally, I'd tell you
to get lost, but
the truth is, is we need
saw palmetto berries.
- Now more than ever.
- Why more than ever?
It's crazy, but there's
all these podcasts
and videos on YouTube saying
that saw palmetto prevents
prostate cancer.
It's insane, right?
- Whoa, that's yeah.
- That's crazy.
- That's crazy.
- It is amazing
that people can be that stupid,
but their money's good,
so I need all the berries I can get.
Sounds like this is
gonna be the start of
a long and fruitful
Oh, my God! Don't touch it!
- What's going on?
- Holy shit, it's huge.
- What the fuck?
- What is that?
Oh, shit.
- What the heck is that?
- I think it's just a beetle.
A harmless beetle.
Probably one of yours.
It's a giant African land snail.
- Is it dangerous?
- No.
Yes. They can carry meningitis.
- Sometimes.
- Which infects humans.
- Occasionally.
- And it kills
one in ten people who get it.
They usually have
other co-morbidities.
Craig, we have to
burn the berries now.
This is our last harvest
of the season.
If we burn these, there are
no more berries for a year.
We'll lose the farm.
We'll lose everything.
Okay, but we can't pretend
there aren't snails there.
I know. You're right.
But there's only snails
on the one crate.
We'll just toss these.
The rest are fine.
Oh, holy shit! Another one!
Another one of what?
We don't know what
they're talking about.
They not talking to us.
- Are you talking about snails?
- Yeah.
Let's everyone just cool
our jets before we go and do
something rash like
burning any berries.
Just give me half an hour, okay?
Let Walt work.
Who's Walt?
He's Walt. He said let himself work.
Third person.
Okay. I have got good news.
You do?
So I pinged my manager on this,
we ran it up the flagpole
to Corporate,
who took Legal's temperature, and
- we'd love to buy your berries.
- Yes!
Because you figured out a way
to sterilize them
- so people won't get sick?
- Oh, no.
That is a really good idea, though.
Let me make a note of that.
I don't have a pen.
Anyway, where were we?
You're gonna take
the berries like this
with the snail gunk on them.
Look, our company is about
to be bought out
by a multi-national corporation.
I can't tell you which one, but
let's just say they make bleach.
So Clorox.
32 different companies
make bleach, so
any of the famous ones.
But the deal is in jeopardy
because we came up short
in our Q3 earnings, so we can't
afford to halt saw palmetto
production during this
gold rush of the market.
- But people could get sick.
- Yeah, yes.
And I flagged that concern
for my manager,
who circled back to Corporate,
who picked Legal's brain
because trust me, nobody wants
to boil the ocean on this thing.
But everybody is confident that
this passes the smell test
vis-à-vis our regulatory exposure.
You could get sued.
Yeah, but we'll have already
been sold by then,
and all our board members will have
cashed out their stock options.
- You on the board?
- Oh, I wish.
No, I bag my lunch and clock in
a 14-hour work day
like any regular Joe.
So why do you care
if the board gets rich?
That is a really good question.
Because if I were the boss
and my employees didn't
wake up every day
trying to make me
the most money possible,
I'd fire their ass
on Christmas morning.
I don't care how many people
die to snails or whatever.
Again, that's just if I were the boss.
Well, we're not gonna do it.
Right, Craig?
I don't think we can.
Look, this deal cannot fall through.
So Green Bounty Organics is
prepared to bring you both on
as senior consultants
with a hiring bonus
paid out in stock options.
- What? Really?
- Yeah. You'll have equity.
It's something I worked
my entire career for.
But don't worry.
I'll get there.
I just gotta keep grinding.
Soon it's gonna be Walt's turn.
And when the company gets sold,
- we'd be
- Rich.
Really fucking rich.
Can you give us a second?
I don't understand.
Are you and Caleb
Caleb has been really sweet
to me in this difficult time.
I thought we agreed that
you'd give me two months, babe.
I shouldn't have said that.
What you did
- was fucked up, Todd.
- Isaiah.
You told me your name was Todd.
I'ma call you Todd.
Do you have any idea how much therapy
I've been through since you left?
Probably a lot. I talked to Kristen.
She thinks you're a sociopath.
I'm not. I'm a good guy now.
I went undercover,
then I had to work for Rodney Lamonca,
who is a killer, but his
daughter, she's way worse.
She definitely gonna
kill people later in her life.
And then, you know,
obviously, working for the FBI,
and he's bisexual, and then
I had to sacrifice myself
to save my brother,
and then somebody got their ass
- eaten by a shark.
- Come on, Todd.
That's more made up
than the doctor story.
I'm telling you the truth.
Well, I'm sorry, I guess I just assume
everybody's lying to me
since I found out
my boyfriend was a fucking conman.
But everything I've been doing,
that was all just to win you back.
So all this was for nothing.
- Yeah.
- Caleb, if you don't
shut the fuck up
You said you saved your brother,
and he's the honest one, right?
Maybe he'll do something good
with the chance you gave him.
He fucking better.
You don't actually wanna
take this deal, do you?
Do you realize what he's offering us?
This isn't a good job or enough money
to keep the farm afloat another year.
He's handing us a golden ticket.
It's at least worth a conversation.
But people could die.
I know they could,
but they probably won't.
They almost definitely won't.
Look, who makes your phone?
A company called Jamokia.
Okay, you think Jamokia is
treating the workers
in their factory well?
You think everyone who built
your Kia is doing great?
Don't you dare bring Kia into this.
They already in it, Jillian.
We all cause so much suffering
just by existing in this world.
The only thing you can do
is try not to think about it.
Well, I can't do that.
You repress bad thoughts all the time.
Probably more than anyone
I've ever met.
- That's not true.
- Oh, okay.
How you feel about
your recent kidnapping?
Totally fine.
It was a good experience.
Jackie's one of my best friends now.
Sort of a surrogate mother.
I'm just trying to be more like you.
Let's bottle up the darkness
and keep on moving forward.
But you're not being like me
because I wouldn't hurt anyone.
I feel like I don't even
know you anymore.
- You've changed.
- No, I haven't.
All I've ever cared about
from the moment we met
was taking care of people.
Not the strangers that make our cars,
but my people. The people I love.
That means Nessa and Camille
and Isaiah and you.
Yeah, I guess that's
the one way I have changed.
You're part of that group now.
You my people.
Thank you for saying that.
Means so much to me,
and I'll show my appreciation later
during a conversation
that isn't about murder.
Selling these berries could
change your life, Jillian.
I'm saying no.
And we're partners, so you can't
make this decision without me.
I'm not gonna be pushed around.
I mean, I think it's very dumb, but
it's also very nice.
That's what makes you Jillian.
I'm not dumb, Craig.
I know you're not. I was just
Forget about it.
Let's go back to the farm.
Tell everyone the bad news.
Mm. That is a wow margarita.
Why aren't you guys drinking?
It's 11 in the morning.
We got a lot of work to do.
What's going on?
Well, seeing as we won't get paid
for that last shipment of berries,
we have to default on our loans.
We're gonna declare bankruptcy
and close the farm.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
Come here.
I mean, the writing was on the wall.
You two are fucking jinxes.
Okay, well, I gotta get
these berries to the burn pit.
I'm sorry we couldn't make this work.
We really tried.
Hey, we need to meet up.
I shouldn't be talking to you
without my lawyer.
You know your fucked up trailer
shattered both his ankles.
Doctor said his feet are like
two socks filled with granola.
Brought the contract.
- I don't understand.
- Jillian's already signed it.
So if I sign it, too, it's done.
You're part owner of the farm.
Why would you do that?
Because your 5% would come
half from me,
half from Jillian, so together
you and me would own 52.5%
We have controlling interest.
Yeah, no, I know what
controlling interest is,
Craig, okay?
I read Corby's sport
management textbooks.
I skim them. I get the headlines.
It's all stuff I already knew.
What's the catch?
I just need a guarantee
that you'll back me on certain
big picture decisions.
What kind of big picture decisions?
Here's a contract for you
- and a contract for you.
- Fuck yeah.
You are now executives
- at Green Bounty Organics.
- All right.
- Here we go.
- Thank God you came through.
We need to get these berries
on shelves right away.
Oh, and when are your birthdays?
I like to send all my bosses gifts.
December 25. Christmas day.
New developments today
in the mysterious uptake
of meningitis sweeping
American hospitals.
Health officials are on
high alert as the outbreak
has spread across
five different states.
- Georgia, Mississippi
- Get the fuck out of the way.
And Florida have all seen cases.
The CDC is now warning that
the disease may be linked
to over the counter health supplements
containing saw palmetto berry extract.
Thank God I sold that fucking farm.
Health officials believe
the berries were infected
by giant African land snails, or GAL,
a rare but highly destructive species
of invasive snail that can
become infected
with a parasite known as rat lungworm.
Oink, oink. Order number 34.
The snails can cause
eosinophilic meningitis
in humans, which can lead
to nausea, vomiting, and headaches.
- Other symptoms include
- Are you my Uber?
- Yup. I'm Jillian G. Where to?
- Check the fucking app.
Right. Okay, sorry.
So far there have been
32 recorded cases
of meningitis linked to
tainted saw palmetto extract.
- Jesus Christ.
- I know.
The news is such a bummer.
But that's what's great
about the Maldives.
You leave the real world behind.
How long are you staying?
I don't know yet. One-way ticket.
Ooh, love that.
"Eat, Pray, Love."
Of those 32 cases, there have been
seven hospitalizations and two
Nope. Turning this shit off.
- Dad.
- We're not watching that.
No more TV.
What am I supposed to do then?
It's a new apartment. Go explore.
Go, your rooms are down
the hall to the left.
- Did you say rooms?
- Yeah. You have two rooms.
My girl gets a suite.
Of course, I will always
have room for you
and that weird white baby.
Now, come on.
You need to see the view.
Not a doctor. Shh.
Previous Episode