Kim's Convenience (2016) s03e13 Episode Script

Lord of the Ring

1 [MR.
CHIN] Mr.
Kim.
- I need your help.
- What happen? I ate a marijuana gummy and now I'm completely stoned up.
Marijuana gummy? They can put marijuana in anything now.
Candy, cookies, bongs, joints How you get marijuana gummy? I found it in the restaurant.
You ate gummy you find lying around? I'm only human, Mr.
Kim.
I need compassion, not judgement.
How you know it's not just regular gummy? Because I've got a major case of the munchies.
Maybe you just hungry.
And maybe my eyes aren't completely bloodshot.
They not.
Oh, my God, there's the paranoia.
Better buy soup.
You feel better.
The can's dented.
I think you hallucinate.
Better buy cookie too.
- Why are they open? - You just do that.
You don't remember? When will this nightmare end? - I sell you pop so you hydrate.
- [CASH REGISTER BEEPING] You're a good friend, Mr.
Kim.
I know.
Fifteen-fifty.
Drug is expensive habit.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] Can I see? No.
Get your own panda meme.
C'mon.
Please? Well, you can see it if you can grab Sorry.
I really thought you were going to keep it away from me.
Hey, I was trying.
Must be those spaghetti arms.
[SCOFFS] Can spaghetti arms put on a gun show like this? Whoa.
That is like 20-caliber pasta right there.
You must have quite the crane pose.
A lady never tells.
Wait, what are we talking about? It's yoga.
You should come to my class sometime.
You know, if you're interested.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Well, I'll send you the deets and maybe I'll see you there? Not if I see you first.
Not that I'm gonna hide if I see you.
'Cause that would be insane.
So, scratch that.
Wicca-wicca-wicca! [BOTH LAUGH] Hey.
You see that meme I sent you? And can you explain it to me? Mmm-hmm.
- [GERALD] What's going on? - [JANET] Nothing.
Just thinking of taking a yoga class.
Maybe Nathan's.
Oh.
Cool.
What? Nothing.
I just thought like maybe you and Raj No.
I mean Raj is a nice guy but he's got his own thing to work out, so - Sure.
- And Nathan's more not engaged.
[LAUGHS] Sorry, I just got the meme.
Hi! Hope your flight was okay.
Did you watch like eight movies? Ooh, did you have the little hummus cup with the flat pretzels? Oh, my God, I love those.
Anyways, I want answers, so call me back.
Oh, PS, it's Shannon.
K, bye.
You caught me.
Personal call on company time.
But Alejandro's on business so it kind of counts.
That's okay, I haven't paid for a printer cartridge in years.
- What? - Coffees! Oh, my God, you're the best.
Terence put hot chocolate in the coffee maker again.
Come to momma.
Hey.
I won a dozen donuts! Wow.
Lucky.
And I'll gladly share them with you.
Aw.
I donut know what to say.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Just don't say that again.
Okay.
What? Aren't you gonna grab the tab? Oh, I usually grab when I'm done.
I grabbed the tab.
Grab the tab.
Fine, grabbin' the friggin' tab.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Free barbecue! - Seriously? - [SQUEAKS] [TERENCE] What's going on? I won a free barbecue and Kimchee won a dozen donuts! But I'm giving Shannon half.
That's right! I won a free barbecue and six donuts! Get your hands up! Get your hands up! And I locked the keys in a Corolla! Get your hands up! Get your hands up! Yobo, that's senior's lunch.
It's fine.
They not even chew.
I finish dish.
You lick plate.
- Hmm.
- Okay, now we go.
Yong-Mi! Ugh.
Just have to say hello to Mrs.
Lee.
- Hmm.
- Hi, Mrs.
Lee! [JIMMY] Mr.
Kim.
- Jimmy - So, you wife finally leave you, eh? She just saying goodbye.
Yeah, goodbye to you.
Her wedding ring? I find by kitchen sink.
Aeeshcham! Why she doing like that? Bigger question is, why you give to her ring like this? It's my umma ring! She give to me, I give to Mrs.
Kim.
And she give to kitchen sink.
Well, good thing I bring to you and not even think of selling on Craigslist.
Yeah, okay.
- Yobo? - Uh.
- You have everything? - Yeah.
Nothing very important you forget? No.
- Really? - Yeah.
You is one who is always forgetting thing.
Coffee on minivan roof, glasses on head.
Let's go.
Hey, boss, here are those forms.
Figured we should each have a copy.
You know, share the wealth.
Great.
Which got me thinking.
It's funny, you know? The harassment forms? No, no.
The contest.
I mean, technically, the prizes belong to both of us.
- How so? - Well, I was thinking and I was like, "Oh, yeah", remember, I bought both coffees.
Right, but then you gave one to me, just like I gave you one last week.
But then I offered to split the donuts with you.
You can't split a barbecue.
- [CELL PHONE RINGING] - But Sorry, it's Alejandro.
He's in Kuala Lumpur.
- Oh.
- Hi.
Hello? Can [MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE] - Hello? Oh - [CROWD CHEERING ON PHONE] I think you pocket dialed me.
Alejandro? Alejandro? Oh.
Sounds like someone's having fun.
Sorry.
What were you saying? You know what, it's fine, keep the barbecue.
Well, I obviously can't keep it now because of all this guilt.
And I obviously can't keep it because you won't give it to me.
What, the barbecue? I can take it off your hands.
- We could split it.
- I'm good with that.
$200? Sold.
Um, can you turn away, please? [SOFTLY] 100, 200 $200.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
He wrote his name on all the bills.
J-dawg.
What's up? Just came by to borrow Kimchee's yoga mat.
Found it! Since when do you do yoga? I don't.
It was here when I moved in.
I could never get into all that bending and singing.
There's singing? And moaning.
It's like modern dance meets tai chi meets sleeping.
Pick a lane, yoga.
For your information, yoga's an amazing workout.
Gives you toned arms, firm butt kind eyes.
If you're lying down, it ain't a workout.
Just 'cause you can't do it - Oh, I could do it.
- I know he could do it.
I don't think she could do it.
Me neither.
The yoga instructor's a friend of mine and he invited me, so I can totally do it.
Ooh.
Janet's in love.
[JUNG] Now I'm definitely going.
- Janet's boyfriends are always hilarious.
- [LAUGHS] He's not my boyfriend.
Hey, remember Shorty McWeird-Walk? Or that guy I pushed in the pool? - He couldn't swim! - Yeah, he could.
You put that one guy in a headlock for a whole party.
- He couldn't breathe.
- Yeah, he could.
- Argh! - Fine, I won't go.
Wouldn't want to scare off your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
And he wouldn't be scared by you anyway.
So, what's the problem? - There isn't one.
- Good.
Let's go.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Should I bring a pillow? Ha-ha.
Should he? Should I? I don't know.
I didn't even open the mat.
[CLEARS THROAT] Oh, Yobo.
How was your day? Busy at the store? Hello.
Hi.
Yeah.
Very busy.
Cleaning, stocking, help people find what they looking for.
You work so hard.
Maybe I bring you cookie and tea in bed.
Like in fancy hotel or hospital.
Yeah.
That sound nice.
But first, relax time.
[CLEARS THROAT] Yobo Something bother you? Yeah.
When you watching TV, keep pants on.
And take stinky feet off the table.
Oh, my mistake.
Bad husband.
Oh, you take ring off? - Oh? - Hmm.
Finger look so funny without ring.
Oh, yeah.
I just take off.
Have to, for all kind of reason.
Make sandwich, wash face, play piano.
All women do like that.
Oh.
I always keep ring on.
Most important symbol of love and commitment.
Okay, yeah, if you need me I'm gonna be in bedroom, bathroom, and then Janet room.
I just stay here and watch my sport highlight.
Oh.
Maybe before you put ring back on you can make me cookie from scratch? Hey, Janet, these guys are going so hard.
Shh-shh.
Hey, Nathan.
Waddup? Janet, I'm glad you came.
Yeah, wouldn't miss it.
It's going to be amaze-zen.
Amazing and zen together - at last.
- Ugh.
"Hatha" lot of pressure.
Better make sure I make "Na-mis-takes.
" Dear god, there's two of them.
Don't worry.
I'm sure you'll be great.
As long as you don't suck! I was kidding.
She's harmless.
I'm Jung, by the way.
Hey.
Nathan.
Welcome.
- Jung's my brother.
- Oh! Great.
Great.
Well, let's get started.
[EXHALES] Welcome everyone.
Let's begin in Child's Pose.
A deep inhale and exhale - Janet, so you gonna ask him out? - Shut up.
Let's get into our first downward dog, pedaling the feet - Hey.
Ask him out now.
- [WHISPERS] Shut up.
Deep breath in and release.
[FARTS] Whoa, Janet! I don't think that's what he meant by release.
What? No, I didn't.
It's okay, Janet.
Letting go makes us free.
Now, let's step to the top of our mats for sun salutations.
See you.
[DOOR BELL DINGS] [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Okay, I'm going to keep going out now.
Everything okay? Yeah, yeah.
Everything okay.
Very okay.
You very okay? Yobo, I think this has gone on long enough.
- What you talking? - It's so normal to make a mistake.
Like, ah, one time I lose $300 playing poker.
That is so much! Why you doing like that? And I break you high heel shoe killing centipede.
I loved those shoes.
I know.
But, if you can forgive me for all that, then I can forgive you for this one thing.
Which is something.
- What something? - You know.
Just, uh, something.
But, uh, you is busy leaving and I is busy working, so we finish talk later.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Remember, make mistake is so normal, okay? - See you.
- Okay, bye.
[SHANNON] Terence? What the eff? What? I looked it up online.
It's worth 500.
We were being nice by not charging you the full amount.
Which we knew.
But didn't charge you.
Because we're nice, not ignorant.
Guys, I'm taking all the risk.
My name and number's on that flyer.
If I go missing, that's on me.
[SHANNON] What's it gonna take, Terence? You think I won't play hardball, 'cause I will.
Don't make me call your flute coach.
If this is an official offer, I really prefer you use the number.
That's a pretty good price.
Get out of my office, Omar! I thought we had a meeting.
Oh.
Right.
[JUNG] So I felt open.
I felt like I could concentrate better.
[NATHAN] Mindfulness.
And you're totally right.
Last night after class, I just kept my phone off and I didn't miss anything.
Gotta live in the moment.
Today's a gift, that's why they call it the present.
Whoa.
I'm gonna write that on my phone.
Hey.
- Hey.
- [NATHAN] Janet.
Good to see you.
Well, gotta work on these spaghetti arms.
[CHUCKLES] Uh, we don't body shame here.
Okay, everyone.
Before we begin, let's just take a few minutes to breathe and release the stress of our day.
To be here, in the present moment.
[SIGHS] - So, you gonna ask him out? - No.
'Cause a fart ventriloquist came along and ruined everything.
You have got to stop blaming me.
Nathan was all flirty, but now he's Johnny bromance, "No body shaming here, Janet.
" He's actually really into you.
- Right.
- Yeah.
It surprised me, too.
I came in early to talk about my core and he was all "Janet this" and "Janet that.
" I mean, barely even talked about my obliques.
I mean, we still did, which was great.
Are you serious? Ah, yeah.
They're a little uneven, but there's poses for that.
- No, Nathan! - Oh, yeah.
He's a great guy.
Works out, watches what he eats.
Bit into himself, but hey, if you got it, flaunt it.
No, don't do this.
What? He's cool, fit, solid head of hair.
I mean, if anything, he's like me and I'm way out of your league.
Okay.
I do not want to date my brother! Which is what I heard someone say once.
Okay.
Um maybe we can talk about it more later? Yeah, I'd like that.
Talking to you, later, not dating my brother.
Okay, everyone, today we're going to start You are such a nerd.
as we come to lay on our [PASTOR NINA] Are you sure you left it here? Yeah, yeah.
I remember I take off to prepare food.
Pastor Nina! Ready for our coffee date? - You dating Jimmy Young? - He means our therapy sessions.
Mrs.
Kim, what's wrong? You lose your ring again? What? What do you know about ring? Oh, I find by kitchen sink last time and give to Mr.
Kim.
Did he say anything about a finder fee? Jimmy, shall we? I brought you these.
Well, I know what we're talking about this session.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] [KIMCHEE] Bad news, Terence.
Shannon and I submitted our coffee receipts to the petty cash.
So, technically the prizes, including the barbecue, belong to Handy.
Boom.
And, as such, weren't ours to sell in the first place.
Double boom.
So, you're saying as Back Manager I can invoice all of my past snacks for which I have kept the receipts, a.
k.
a all of them.
Dammit, Terence.
Stop eating like that! Hey, guys! We should totally get this barbecue.
Set it up outside and, you know, have barbecues.
It's still available.
- Yeah! But it's 400 bucks.
- Terence won't budge.
It's too bad.
A staff barbecue would have been great for morale.
But I made an investment.
We could throw in a hundred.
- I'm in.
- Hell, yeah.
But it costs $400.
[JUNG] We got three so far.
You throw in a hundred, we're all equal partners, T-Dog.
I'm in! - This is gonna be fun.
- [KIMCHEE] Yeah, it is! Do we get our hands up? Well I'm doing it.
Yobo! Oh! Uh, just, uh, tidy up, huh? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] I know you like clean house, Yobo.
You had ring all this time and you make me think I lose? You did lose! Yeah.
Then you find and keep.
Give to me my ring.
I don't have.
Jimmy Young tell me he give to you.
He did.
And it's here.
Somewhere.
You lose my wedding ring? Yeah.
But, uh, I couldn't lose ring if I don't have ring and only reason I have ring is because you lost first.
So whose is fault? You fault.
So even-steven.
Not even-steven.
Maybe we both lose ring, but you is worse because you lie about ring.
And Umoneem give to me that beautiful ring and now it's gone.
[EXHALES] Maybe my umma come back down from heaven and take ring back because she miss so much? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.
Maybe.
Maybe she wants you to buy me new ring? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Maybe.
With gold flower in middle of diamond circle.
But maybe not.
But maybe.
Stop eating all the chips.
We're going out.
Or we could stay in, cancel the reservation.
Do you know how hard this place is to get into? Hmm.
You must really like me.
[CHUCKLES] I like the restaurant.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Raj! Or Doctor Mehta, sir? Hey, Gerald.
Is Janet here? I don't know.
Um Janet? Ra Raj is here! - [JANET] Oh, my God! - [THUMP] So, would you like some pineapple juice? Raj.
What are you doing here? I did it, Janet.
I did it.
I broke up with Divya! Right.
For how long? I know it took a while and it's messy and everyone's going to freak out, but I don't care because I want to be with you.
[NATHAN] Hi.
Hey.
Oh.
This is Nathan.
This is Raj.
Gerald.
So, should I go? I feel like you guys need some space.
- Thank you.
- No.
We are going to dinner.
Because we made a reservation and so they are expecting us.
And you can't just show up whenever you want.
To the restaurant.
Where we are going.
- Let let's go.
- Okay.
And you can't just spring this on someone.
I have my own life.
I wasn't just waiting around for you.
That's what this is about.
I mean, I understand what you did was probably hard, if you did it.
- I did.
- And I'll bet Divya was How was Divya? No, actually no.
Now is not the time because I am going Because you have a date.
Exactly.
Just forgot my purse.
[DOOR CLOSES] So, how much does it cost to cancel a wedding? - So beautiful.
- Mmm.
No dent, no scratch.
Still, not same as Umoneem's ring, but very beautiful.
And a good deal.
- Thanks to your bargaining.
- And you crying.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] I never going to take off.
Even when I wash dish.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] - Oh, look like it's - Laundry day.
- Can I get some - Change? Yeah, toonies or loonies or Quarters, please.
Hmm.
Fun game we play, uh? Finish each other Yeah, okay.
Oh! Also, I found this behind a box of crackers.
Oh! Thank you.
My wife always losing this, huh? Well, it's found now.
- Yobo! - Yeah.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Nothing.
Just, uh, say hello.
Hi.
I give to her later.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Still just waiting for my change.
Oh, yeah.
- Quarters.
- Yeah.
But I gave you and Shannon a hundred each.
Then you doubled the price and we both threw the hundred back in, so Right.
But, wait, wasn't that my money I gave you? Face it, Terence.
Math isn't your strong suit.
So, do we need to be here or - What do you mean? - She means are you paying us? Not technically Bye.
See you Monday.
[JUNG] What is going on there? The Shannon Special.
How is just ketchup special? Ah! Don't yuck my yum.
You have terrible burger game.
It's it's relish and onions all the way.
Sometimes banana peppers, sometimes.
- That's a swamp burger.
- Fine.
Maybe one day I'll try one of your ketchup monstrosities.
No time like the present.
Ew.
[CELL PHONE RINGING] Need to get that, or No.
Gots to defend my burger crown.
- Game on.
- [TERENCE GASPS] No way! I won a muffin! - Get your hands up! - Yeah! Get your hands up, get your hands up! Get your hands up, get your No! Wha [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]