King Gary (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Lee Benson

MUSIC: Push It by Salt-n-Pepa.
Ow! Baby! Salt-n-Pepa's here! Salt, salt, salt Salt-n-Pepa's here! Salt-n-Pepa's here! Salt-n-Pepa, Salt-n-Pepa Salt-n-Pepa's here! Salt, salt, salt Salt-n-Pepa's here! Now wait a minute, y'all.
This dance ain't for everybody.
Only the sexy people Whoa! They're getting on like two peas in a pod, aren't they? Yeah.
Rose seems to really like Teddy.
My girls are very selective about the company what they keep.
Well, why shouldn't they be? Got to be these days, Chlo, girl.
Wowee! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are them on your plates, babe? They're a bit spesh, aren't they? They're Gucci ones.
My Darren got them when he went to play golf in Dubai.
I love 'em.
I mean, they're lolly.
I mean, they are, like, top class lolly.
I mean, they've got to be the best shoes I've ever seen, do you know what I mean? Yeah.
I always judge a person by their footwear.
You all right? SoRose was just wondering whether Teddy wanted to grab some food later.
Yeah! Right.
Yeah, yeah.
I'd love WE'D We'd love that, wouldn't we, Ted boy, yeah? Be well up for that, wouldn't we? Great.
I gotta say to you, mutual respect, little Rosie, for doing the asking.
Strong, independent woman, I like it, eh? Just like Beyonce.
Here, Ted, Ted.
You liked it, yeah? Then you should've put a ring on it.
Don't be mad, but you should've put a ring on it.
Whoa-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh She knows it.
Oh-oh-oh Don't you? It goes Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh.
Your mother's still got it.
Ha! Right, I'm boiling, I'm going to have a little dip.
Babe? Do you remember, a few weeks back, we had that roast down at the Arrow? Oh, oh, oh, urgh! That was disgusting.
Yeah, I know.
I helped you write the TripAdvisor, remember? I mean, I've still got the needle with the manager there.
All right.
Chef wants shooting.
Let it go, all right, Gal, yeah? But do you remember that day, right? Your dad had a mate turned up in some spanking new Range.
Who was that? Why are you asking? Why would you bring it up again? Cos our little Teddy has only bagged himself a date with the coolest girl down the Dave.
Rose Ferdinando? Uh-huh.
Oh! Go on, boy! Oh, this is massive.
This is humongous.
Pull out all stops, girl.
Pull out all the stops.
How is the boy within himself? Oh, babe, you want to see him.
He's like proper chill, yeah.
Might take him down the barbers, get his fade done.
Yeah, do that.
Is that it? Thought you'd be more excited.
Tel, they're here.
They've arrived.
They're finally here.
Oh, well, why didn't you say nothing? I've been harping on here.
I'm so happy for you.
Oh! I'm nervous, Tel, I ain't gonna lie.
I'm scared.
I don't know if I'm ready for a pair of spectacles.
Come on, you can do this.
You can do anything.
Everything's so vibrant.
The grass is so green! Yeah! I can't wait to see a peacock! I can't even comprehend! They say intelligence, sophisticated and authority.
And I feel all of those things within, every one of them.
I couldn't have done this without you, Tel Bell.
Thank you for tricking me into going to the opticians.
Oh, it's just like getting a dog to the vet's, babe.
Gary! Is that your dad? What's he want? Must be some sort of emergency.
Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! You know what they say.
Gary! If in doubt, you get the guvnor out.
Gary! Don't do that.
Gary! Stop it.
Gary? Go on, do it one more time.
Oi! Gary! Oh! Gary! So sexy.
What's that on your face? Look like glasses, Big Gal.
They are glasses.
I got myself a pair of glasses.
What, you wearing them for a bet? No, no, no.
I have to wear them for my eyes.
I get hazy vision, headaches.
All right, enough.
Now Winkle here informs me we've got a massive problem at the refurb job at Mulberry Lodge.
Apparently we've got a practical joker on-site.
Sorry, sorry, can I interject here? Winkle, mate, why didn't you come to me about this? There is a chain of command within the Take them off.
What? Shut up and take them off.
I can't take you seriously with them on.
Got enough problems with jokers without you prancing about in them.
No, I like them.
I like my glasses, mate.
They stay on my face.
Glasses are staying.
Get used to them, Dad.
We could use the whole entire job, Gal.
You've got to get on top of this, boy.
In my experience, building site pranksters are a cancer.
It starts off with a little bit of Punch and Judy, before you know it, you've got cirque du soleil right up the wazoo.
Let me get my head around this.
Winkle, can I have a debrief? How serious is this thing? This is severely serious.
He's painted the bottom of lads' boots, laid wall paint everywhere.
The carpet's ruined.
I mean, he's hiding blokes' tools, Gal! Urinating in absolutely anything! Hot-spooning! OK, Winkle, I get the picture.
Now, I'm going to come at this my way.
Cool, calm Calm?! Don't sit there in your glasses, being all diplomatic, like Jeremy Corbyn! He doesn't even wear glasses, mate, sostupid point to make.
Look, what I mean is there's going to be a wall of silence around the site.
I want to chip away at it gently.
I don't know about that.
I think it might be worth Big Gal coming down.
No, not happening.
Absolutely not.
I mean, I could come down.
I think it's best Big Gal comes down, frightens the boys, puts the willies up them.
No, no, no.
It's been confirmed.
If anyone's going to put the willies up the boys, it's going to be me, all right? Get that in your heads! Let down.
I'm absolutely disappointed.
I'd go as far to say gutted.
Now, I'm not expecting you boys to start naming names.
It was Lee Benson! I know about the code of silence, the omerta, and I respect it.
It was definitely Lee Benson.
So I will be carrying out a full investigation, talking to you all individually, one-to-one.
It's obviously Lee Benson, Gal! Little Gary! Ha-ha! You old slag! All right, Lee, mate? How you? You all right? Oh, what, you a professor now, are you? Eh? What, you going to go down the library and read a book at lunch, is it? Nah, nah, nah.
No, mate, no.
I didn't know you was working for us now, Lee.
Winkle sorted me out the scaffolding, mate.
Did he? Nice one.
Well done, Winkle, mate.
You have got a lovely little business here, eh? Yeah, no, we're doing all right, actually, thank you.
You've landed on your feet, mate.
Well, cracking on.
I'm cracking on, you know? Your old man has sorted you right out.
Yeah, I suppose.
Good thing.
Good thing.
Cos he was an awful labourer.
Eh? The worst! HE LAUGHS.
He was useless! He couldn't sweep, he couldn't carry! I mean, you make a good ladder at best, Gary.
Do you remember, Winkle, remember? I used to feed you dog biscuits on payday! HE BARKS Well, things have changed a little bit now, Lee.
See, I'm running things now.
I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, mate! WINKLE LAUGHS Listen, Lee .
it has come to my attention that we've had a practical joker on this site and your name has beenhas beenbeen .
announced as All right, Dad! Do you know what, mate? I thought you was at least a laugh, right? Mate, I am.
Eh? What, you think you're all that now, with all this, do you? No! No, no.
Still love a laugh, mate.
Still I still love laughing.
Well, I'm glad that you do, mate, because you know what? You're an absolute joke.
Don't be like that.
"Don't be like that.
" I just "I just Oh, don't do that, becausejust" What? What, mate? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Are you going to fire me? No, no, no.
Of course I'm not, no.
No, what I was going to Eh? Oh! What, you scared of a little watch, are you? No, it was just the way you raised your arm there, I didn't even know you had a watch on.
See, that time, it's very much Cos you see that, mate? You see that, right there? I make that pub o'clock, mate.
It's not, mate.
So I'm going to go for an early lunch.
I'm nipping down to Spoons.
Benson, mate.
It's 10am, mate.
It's not pub o'clock, it's 10am, pal.
Benson! Happy with yourself? DOORBELL RINGS Morning.
Yeah, I'm on one, like a proper one.
Morning, Terri.
Is your TV broken? What? No, no, it's fine.
Listen, do you remember, a couple of weeks back, we had that Sunday lunch down at the Arrow? Oh, terrible mess that was.
Beef was like cardboard.
But do you remember, Gal? Your mate, he turned up in that new Range Rover.
Yeah, Mick Collie.
He's always got a new motor.
He's cake-o.
He's got all them gaffs where cats and dogs stay.
Do you reckon you could get him to lend me his motor? Oh, what? Why would he do that? Have you lost your mind? What do you need his motor for? Because it's for Teddy.
He's got himself his first date.
Aww! Aww! Oh, bless him.
Yeah, yeah.
And, you know, he just really wants to impress her, do you know what I mean? He's a class act, that boy.
Takes after his grandfather.
He can have whatever he wants.
I think you need to grow a pair of knackers and sack him.
No, no, no.
I'm not being hasty about this.
In all fairness to Benson, he hasn't put a foot wrong since I spoke to him.
An hour ago.
The fact of the matter is - Benson respects me.
He recognises my authority.
He's in the pub, Gal! Yeah, reflecting on things, like what he's done and stuff.
He probably feels terrible about it.
I mean, if I'm honest, I think that's probably the end to his pranks.
I won't have to have a strong word with him.
COUGHING Oh, that's Wayne! Jesus! Wayne.
Wayne, mate, who did this? Was it Benson? Of course it was Benson! He came back to the site drunk.
Of course he did! He said that whoever could hold this bag of cement over their head for the longest - they'll get 40 quid and then he slashed the bag with a Stanley blade.
And you fell for that? Unbelievable! I mean, mate, seriously, I warned you all.
I said about messing around in work hours, about larking around.
I'm telling you now, call your dad before this gets nasty.
No! No way! Over my dead body! I will call Benson.
I'll meet him somewhere he feels relaxed, somewhere he feels comfortable, like his local.
We'll have a sit down, man-to-man.
And if it goes the other way .
my wordthen it goes the other way.
Babe, I want to show you what I've practised, but I need you to be honest with what you think, OK? All right, babe, ready when you are.
OK, all right.
Sorted, babe.
Yeah, just What you need to do is swing that right arm more, yeah? OK, swing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, a bit of goldfish with that bowl, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, I think I know what you're talking about.
Go on, then.
OK, that's too much, babe.
Really? What? No, that's just too much.
Too much this? Look, you've got to listen.
Come back, come back.
Right, babe, seriously, thisthis walk is everything.
Right, listen, listen.
Think about it.
This is the old maypole we're talking about.
OK, yeah.
A touch of decorum, yeah? So we need, like, chest up, chin up, shoulders up.
And slow it down, babe.
All right? You're walking in, you own this.
You own this joint.
So, chest out.
OK, that'sthat's a little bit too slow.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
So it's sort of somewhere in-between.
Let's pace it up a little bit, yeah, yeah.
But, you know No, I think I've got it.
I think I've got it.
I think I know We're just layering on top now, Gal, all right? Go on.
Oh, yeah.
Feel nice? That's good.
There we go.
Now we're talking, babe.
Babe, I've got butterflies in my whatsit.
How was that one for you? Yeah, like, I really, honestly That was really good.
That felt nice.
Yeah? That felt, like, real and authentic.
Yeah, keep it that way.
So, what are you going to say first up, then? I'm thinking saying, like, um "We meet again, Lee Benson.
" Or .
"Lee Benson, I presume.
" OK, OK.
No, mate, that's not going to work.
You need to play it down more, Gal.
Yeah? What like? What sort of thing you thinking? Well, you just need to go something like You just need to just say something like "What's happening, Benson?" Oh! Yes! What's happening, Benson?! Whoa, why are you shouting? Why are you shouting, babe? Is he deaf? Sorry, I just, like, had to get it out there, cos it's so cool the way you did it.
Have a seat, all right? Chill out.
I'm taking a seat, I need one.
I'm sweltering.
Actually, Teddy's got something to show you.
Babe, babe, don't go making me bawl up before my big toe-to-toe.
I know, right? His first little wallet.
Kay chucked them in with my new loafers.
Burberry lining, the lot.
Boy? Cop this, cop this.
That, son, is a pinky, otherwise known as a nifty.
They are very rare in our society, like the first bumblebee of summer.
Thanks, Dad.
Put it there, please.
Move forward and prosper, young man.
Move forward and prosper.
Oh, God, get it together, Gal! Get it together! I didn't know you had the new Range.
Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Chlo, girl.
Honestly, make yourself proper comfy.
I mean, these seats are a little extra mustard on top, aren't they? It's like I'm driving around in an armchair.
Like I could be in my front room, driving about now.
It's lush.
It's comfy, innit? It's "Ooh, comfy!" Isn't it comfy, though? Oh, what are you doing there, babe? You all right? Whenever I'm in new surroundings, I just love a little snoop.
Oh, right, well, yeah.
Well, don't snoop to much, because What you put on? Hold on, cos there's something going on Whoa! HORN HONKS what's that? What's that? Babe, just don't press everything.
Just seeing what all the buttons do, you know what I mean? All right, Snoop Dogg, careful.
Oh, that's Now I can hear something.
Something's buzzing.
What's that? It's not Oh, hold on, I'm moving forwards.
Oh, look, you're going forwards.
I am.
How did I do that? Are you? Sorry, are you? I don't even know what I pressed.
Mate, sorry, I don't Which button is it? Um I don't know what I've done.
I can't be 100% sure, but It's your car! Well, I ain't had it long, have I? Try I think I might Go on, there we go.
Little emergency button down there.
GARY SIGHS What's happening, Benson? What are you walking funny for? Hm? What, you pick up an injury? No, no, no.
What, you shit yourself, or is it piles? Have you got piles up your arse, mate? No, no, I ain't got no piles, mate.
Well, what is it, then? Cos that walk is freaking me out, mate.
You're like a newborn calf.
Or is it your back? You got a bad back? Bad back! Got a bad back.
I have a bad back.
Oh, mate, why didn't you say? I've got magic fingers, haven't I? I learned a bit about that when I was in Thailand.
Turn round.
Yeah, OK.
Um There you go.
GARY GROANS Like that.
Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie! Ah, yeah.
Oh, thanks, mate.
That's I've fixed it.
What did I say? I told you I'd fix it and I fixed it, didn't I? Cheers, mate, thank you.
Right, get the beers in or what? Yeah.
Um, sweetheart Sweet, love, can I get two of the .
whatever Lee Benson's having? Couple of pints on the way, so, no, look, I wanted I love this pub.
I lost my old V plates in here, didn't I? Yeah? Toilets, stripper, Grandad's 60th.
Nice, nice story that, mate.
So, Lee How have you been, mate? You all right? How's your back? Great.
Back is Oh, thank you very much, that's kind of you, thank you.
No, the back isthe back is great.
Do you know how hard it is being me? No.
You know, being the life and soul of the party.
Always having to fight every man so everyone still knows you're hard.
Having mindless sex with barmaids and married women in car parks, down alleyways.
No, none of them love you, it's just dirty, filthy sex.
I mean, that sounds awful.
How's your back, all right? Back's amazing.
Back is brand-new.
Back is feeling tremendous.
But You know, sometimes I wish was a bit more like you, Gal.
Do you, really? Yeah, a missus You have a kid.
Heir to a successful business, just given to you.
It wasn't just given to me, actually, Lee, mate.
I've worked very hard there, mate, really.
I mean, my dad isn't an easy man at the best of times.
And my father casts a shadow that a man can find it hard to LEE SOBS .
prosper within, so I never knew my old man.
Oh, right, yeah.
Uh OK.
I didn't know I didn't know that about you, actually, mate.
Um I tell you what, if he could see you now, he'd be .
he'd be awfully proud of you, Lee, he really would.
Can I have a hug? Hm? Eh? Sorry, what? You know, sometimes I look at you and I think"He gives good hugs.
" That's a very sweet sentiment, Benson, but Yes, cool, yes, OK.
No, don't, don't touch me, mate.
Don't even look at me.
You don't tell no-one I cried, all right? OK, yeah.
I will swear now, an oath, I will never tell another human being that you cried.
But you need to meet me halfway here, Lee, mate.
You need to rein in all of the messing about and the jokes and all that on site.
Seriously, I need you to toe the line.
All right.
I'll get the shots in.
You've been gone ages, Gal.
What did he say? That's strictly between me and him.
A gentleman never tells.
But you got it all sorted, yeah? He's in pieces in there, mate! He is in absolute pieces! I mean, the man wept! The famous Lee Benson melting! I mean, he's a shadow of his former self.
What, did you give him a slap? What happened in there between me and him, that is between me and him.
It goes no further.
I'll grant him that.
But you should know, Winkle, I ain't nobody's doormat.
Could have just got one big table.
No, no.
It's nice to have some quality time.
Also, lovely for us to have a little chinwag, eh, Chlo, girl? Aw! They are having a good time, look.
Isn't she beautiful? Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, is Teddy getting the bill for her?! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's classic Ted, yeah.
Generous till the bitter end.
Little nifty that an' all, don't know if you saw that little pinky over there.
Also, just to say, he's a very competitive sportsman, strong in 80% of his classes and an able fishermen.
He will make a great provider.
Have you copied my feet? Sorry, pardon, what now? You've got my shoes on, the ones you commented on down the Dave.
You do not do that, it is frowned upon in our culture! I wouldn't worry, babe.
I mean, mine are Schneidys anyway, so Schneidys?! Who even are you?! I am me! No, you're not you.
Was that even your Range Rover what you was driving? Yes, it was, thank you very much.
Really? Yeah, very really.
Really? Very much so mine, so did you enjoy the ride? Bet you did, lovely, cos it is my car.
This is a great shame.
You are just like those shoes upon your feet pretending to be something what you ain't.
Why, Terri?! OK.
OK, Chloe.
I'll tell you for why.
Because the other day I saw you taking a sneaky peek down at my trotters at the Dave, and I felt inadequate, if I'm honest.
I felt like I'm not good enough for you.
There, said it.
Terri! I am nice! And I get it.
But this isn't about me and you.
It's about them kids.
Yeah, I know, you're right.
I've come at this a bit thirsty, ain't I? Proper mugged myself right off and I apologise profusely for that, OK? Apologise accepted.
Right, shall we go? Yeah.
Just for the record, everything Teddy is wearing is real deal designer, just in case the wedding was still a possibility.
MUSIC: My Queen Is Mamie Phipps Clark by Sons of Kemet.
All right, all right, that's enough.
Thank you.
Got you a milky tea, Gal.
Just pop it down there, cheers, Wayne, mate, thank you very much.
Nice one.
Winkle said that you made Benson cry.
Did he? Yeah.
OK, yeah, all right.
Did you weigh him in? Yep.
Oh, yeah.
Weighed him in good and proper, yes.
Very much so.
Problem has been dealt with and you lot should all heed this warning.
You are my hero, Gary.
Thank you, Voytec, I thank you.
Gal, Gal! It's Benson! He's turned up here! What? What?! Where?! Where?! I'm sure I could see something in his hand, like a hammer or a stick! A stick?! Quick, Voytec, Wayne, lock that door, get this door locked, quick, mate, please, get that locked! Voytec, hold that.
He's not happy.
He knows you've been putting it about that you made him cry.
I ain't been putting it about, you have! HEAVY KNOCKING BENSON: King! Get out here, now! You've got to go out there, Gal.
Go out? Yes.
You been putting it about you beat me up and you made me cry?! No! No, mate, no! Lee? HEAVY KNOCKING Lee? Lee, mate It's me.
Gary King.
Right, seriously, all I said, right, is that I sorted out the problem what there was.
HEAVY KNOCKING Well, now you've got a problem! Let's have it out here, now! You've got to go out there, Gal.
We can't all be stuck in here, we've got work to do! HEAVY KNOCKING Come on! Let's go! Lee? Lee, mate? Massive misunderstanding here, mate, honestly.
Gary You called this, mate.
You called this.
It don't have to go this way, pal, honestly.
This is the last thing I want is to go bandy.
Honestly, mate, we can sort this out between Gary, car, now.
You called your dad?! Nah! No, no, no, I didn't call him at all.
I didn't call my dad! Gary, wait in the car, now! Dad! Boy! Car! Now! Right, Benson, what's all this about? I can't have all this.
He mugged me off in front of DIALOGUE INAUDIBLE Are you all right? Not really.
I was handling that.
I had it handled.
You didn't need to get involved, Dad.
Really? Handled? Son, you ain't got the minerals to deal with psychos like Benson and there's no shame in that.
I had it all sorted, mate.
Look, the hardest thing in the world is for a grown man to ask another man for help, to admit he's bitten off more than he can chew.
Yeah, mate, you're right, Dad.
I ain't been seeing straight for a while.
I haven't been seeing straight at all, if I'm honest with you.
And I know what it is, I know what it is.
Yeah, listen It's these glasses.
It's the glasses, mate.
These stupid glasses! Honestly, nothing has gone right for me since I've had these glasses.
They've done me up and undermined me at every single turn.
I'm going to get rid of them.
I'm going to get rid of them, that's it.
No, bye-bye, no more glasses.
Nah, not for me, these glasses.
Going to get those laser eyes.

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