King of Stonks (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

Do's and Don'ts

- [crows cawing]
- [mystical music playing]
[female narrator]
I know what you're thinking.
CableCash, what an awesome company!
[muffled scream]
[female narrator] But it used
to be different.
[camera shutter clicking]
[female narrator] CableCash's predecessor
was called Networth.
Founder Jutta Katz wanted to offer
New Economy pioneers
- an uncomplicated online payment option.
- [camera shutter clicks]
[female narrator] Alas,
their products were mostly
- porn, gambling, and ringtones.
- [electronic beeping]
[female narrator] But the technology
behind it was so innovative,
that Deutsche Bank hired
two dubious consultants
- to buy the company.
- [gentle music playing]
[Thorsten] Networth's software is the most
advanced digital payment
application worldwide,
but digital payment will not replace
traditional methods.
- Continue, Magnus. Next slide.
- [clicking]
Uh. We don't have any more.
- [sighs]
- [crowd laughing]
All right, that's exactly why Networth
needs a strong partner like Deutsche Bank.
Believe me, I know what I'm saying.
I could use a strong partner too,
right, Mr. Cramer?
[all laugh]
Well Congratulations, Mrs. Katz!
The sale will make you very rich
and Deutsche Bank very happy.
- [applause]
- [Thorsten] Did you fall asleep?
Is that why you're motionless? [chuckles]
No, I just think in a few years,
cash will be completely gone
and that's why Networth will be just fine
- without Deutsche Bank's Nazi money.
- [crowd snickering]
You'll have to forgive him.
He's our IT guy,
as you can tell
by the healthy basement tan.
- [crowd laughing]
- [Thorsten] Here's one for you.
Why shouldn't you worry
about a programmer
giving away financial secrets
to all of his friends? Hmm?
Because he has no friends!
[all laugh]
[female narrator] Spoiler alert!
- The sale fell through.
- [upbeat techno music playing]
Networth went bankrupt,
and was bought for one euro by
Wait for it!
Magnus Cramer and Felix Armand.
A rebranding campaign was launched
to clean up the company's smutty image.
Still, CableCash
is repeatedly confronted
with its sketchy past.
[female narrator] But, let's be honest,
what German company has ever made it
to the top without a sketchy past.
[monkey screeching]
[indistinct chatter over tv]
- [somber music playing]
- [Felix] Great.
Last week, you thought your face
would be all over today's news.
And now, you're sitting in jail.
Nice IPO, Felix.
[Felix] COO of CableCash.
Hopefully, they didn't bust the mafia
because of the fucking Hermann brothers,
or else you'll have much bigger problems.
[female reporter, over tv] searched
and arrested several suspects
[Felix] Ah, fuck.
[female reporter, over tv] including
the head of the Visconti clan.
Sorry, can can I turn this up?
[female reporter] Visconti is now being
investigated on suspicion of laundering
millions of euros and involvement
in over 20 murder cases.
- [door opening]
- I'm glad to see you. Thank you so much
for waiting. Maiwald. Chief Prosecutor.
- It was all a massive communication error.
- [Felix] Hmm.
[Maiwald] This anonymous tip came in
saying we need
to check a few poker websites
and online casinos for laundering.
And we found out your company
- is the payment platform.
- Uh-huh.
[Maiwald] So I tell my colleague,
"Issue a summons
- for a small irregularity."
- [cell phone buzzes]
And he types it in the system, right?
- But then there's a software update
- [cell phone chimes]
and all the process numbers get changed.
- So he types Thanks.
- [cell phone buzzing]
[Maiwald] He types in E807 instead of
- Mm-hmm.
- J807 or whatever,
and instead of getting a nice letter,
you get led away
with sirens and handcuffs
- [chuckles]
- and then wind up in jail.
Ms. Maiwald, these things happen, right?
And hey,
a little adventure is good for me.
[cell phone buzzes]
They all must be congratulating you
on your IPO. You'll get these right back.
Oh, as long as you're here
You don't happen to know
Mr. Umberto Visconti?
- He has accounts with CableCash. Look.
- [tense music playing]
[Maiwald] These are his bank statements.
[Felix] Ah, that's funny.
These are old Networth accounts.
When we were pulling the receipts
from this Biscotti, probably
- Visconti.
- Visconti receipts,
we must have missed them. We don't know
our customers. We're just a platform.
[cash register chiming]
Of course. Shit happens.
- [tense music playing]
- Coffee?
[Felix] Fuck you.
[Maiwald] Well,
it sounds like digitization
- is incredibly complicated.
- Um. It's time that I go.
- [applause over tv]
- If someone finds out the DA's office
is rounding up the innocent in handcuffs
because of a software update,
it might unsettle some people.
Especially when it's important people
from a reputable German company.
You guys are like the rock stars
of the startup world, you see?
[Felix] Hmm.
These people's business is extortion
fraud, money laundering.
The mafia, I mean.
The Visconti boys
have killed 26 or more
- Wow.
- in the last six years.
Not the kind of guys
you want to be in bed with.
Those would be serious accusations
with no proof at all, don't you think?
Yes, as I said,
nothing like this will happen again.
- [knocking]
- Unless, we have clear evidence.
- [chuckles]
- [door opens]
- [Felix] Ah.
- I said, not a word until I'm here.
Article 136, Paragraph 1,
Criminal Procedure Code? You heard of it?
[clicks tongue] That's for people
who have committed real crimes.
And you'll freeze
the Visconti accounts immediately.
They'll be You know what?
They'll be flash-frozen.
- [electronic beeping]
- [Felix] Arctic temperatures.
A real ice age!
Not a cent will flow through them,
Ms. Maiwald.
- No worries!
- [door closes]
[Alex] Felix, if this blows up,
our IPO was just a short vacation.
[Felix] We'll find a solution
for their money.
[Alex] I haven't
reached Magnus since last night.
He's probably already with them,
drinking Lambrusco.
Fucking mafia! Give them an inch,
they take a mile.
- [Felix] Let's go.
- [car door closes]
- [engine revving]
- [upbeat music playing]
They're a big client and sometimes
they want to talk directly with the boss.
- Want one? It's gonna be a long flight.
- [Sascha chuckles]
I don't take that stuff, Mr. Armand.
I have a history.
It's modafinil, for narcolepsy.
It's medicine. Helps with anxiety.
Sure, and then I'll be hooked again.
- [Felix grunts]
- That's why I didn't finish school.
- Sounds like an excuse.
- Whatever.
- I chose the wrong people to hang with.
- [slurps]
Now, you're hanging
with the right ones.
[Sascha] Am I?
Are you a good person?
I just want to know.
It's not a moral question.
[indistinct chatter over radio]
Yeah. Of course.
[bell dinging]
[tires screeching]
[music concludes]
- [doorbell ringing]
- [birds chirping]
- [dogs barking]
- [indistinct chatter]
[goat bleating]
[in Italian] Hello, children.
I am CableCash.
[Signora's niece]
Grandma! Someone from Germany is here!
Felice! The other CEO.
[Felix] No, no, no!
I'm the COO. Only "OO."
[in English] Something
like the boss's right hand.
[tense music playing]
[Magnus, muffled] Felix!
- [mumbles]
- [Signora] It's your fault
our boss is gone,
so, now we're getting rid of yours.
- Magnus, do you have any
- [spits]
- last words for us?
- [breathes heavily]
He's also the CEO.
- You'll have to shoot us both. [mumbles]
- [Signora] Look how much he talks.
- He deserves to die, doesn't he?
- [Magnus grunts]
Felix, help me!
- [gun cocks]
- [Magnus mumbles, screams]
- Works for me.
- [music cuts off]
[Felix] I'll do just fine without my boss.
[Magnus mumbles, screams]
- Unlike you.
- [mumbles]
I mean, sorry, but you can tell
your boss is missing.
- [Magnus mumbling]
- And now
you're just doing what you've seen
in old mob movies.
- [Magnus groaning]
- [Felix] Shooting people,
laundering money in pizzerias
and gelato shops.
[speaking Italian] Like the old days, huh?
- [mumbles]
- [Felix, in English] But back then,
the exchange rate was still one to four,
so you got a clean 25 cents
for every dirty euro.
Now the exchange rate is what?
One to ten?
Which means?
[mumbles, breathes heavily]
- [mobster, in Italian] Ten cents!
- [Felix, in English] Yes, exactly.
[in Italian] Ten cents.
[in English] Very good. He gets it.
Soon there won't be any cash
at all anymore.
- [tense music playing]
- Then all of this is just worthless.
Digitization isn't gonna stop
for the mafia.
Online casinos were just the beginning.
What you need is a clean,
publicly traded company
that has a banking license
to launder for you.
- [pensive music playing]
- [cash register chiming]
We grow every quarter by 30%.
Who knows what that is annually?
Go ahead? Huh?
- Hmm? Well?
- Um
- [in Italian] Double!
- [in English] No! Better!
Each year, we grow by more than double.
And if this keeps up,
we'll be on the DAX.
Last week alone, we signed contracts
with 300 new customers.
I'm not talking about random consumers,
like with PayPal.
- No. It's all B2B.
- [uplifting music playing]
Business to business.
Legitimate customers with a few
extra transactions in their accounts.
- [electronic beeping]
- Just a click!
- [Magnus gasps]
- You know?
Money laundering 2.0.
I mean, look around.
- [music intensifies]
- Only when Umberto gets out of jail,
only when the last gelato shop
refuses your money,
only when your children cry out hungry
because you can't eat cash
Only then Only then
[music concludes]
Only then will you understand
it was the biggest
mistake of your life
- to kill your bank CEO.
- [Magnus] Hmm.
[Signora, in Italian] Have you gone crazy?
- Sorry!
- Oh, please! Leave me alone!
- [Signora] Are you crazy?
- [Felix, in English] Stop pointing that.
- [in Italian] Shut up, now!
- [in English] Put down the gun. Put down.
- [in Italian] You stop it, girl!
- [in English] Drop it.
- Sit down, sit down.
- Sascha, give her the gun.
- Mamma mia!
- [gentle music playing]
[Signora, in Italian] Who are you?
- You must be completely insane!
- [low rumbling]
- [in English] Heart stopped for a second.
- [in Italian] I can't do this anymore.
[Felix, in English] I thought that
[Signora, in Italian]
Don't worry, nothing happened.
[Felix, in English]
Magnus, nothing happened.
- [pants]
- [low rumbling]
- [pants]
- Nothing's wrong with you.
- Everything's still intact. Take a drink.
- [music fades]
[in Italian] Drink a coffee.
Go on. There.
- That's right, everything's fine.
- [slurps]
[in English] As I said, you'll have
the money the day after tomorrow.
That sounds great.
Would you give me your phone number?
Oh, okay. [chuckles]
I knew we had chemistry.
- If there is a problem
- [Felix chuckles]
- I can call you directly.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um, 0-0-4-9-1-5-1
- [cell phone clicks]
- Good.
- I'll call you now.
- [cell phone beeps]
- Okay.
[Signora] Oh, wrong number.
- [cell phone beeps]
- How weird. That's strange. [chuckles]
- [upbeat music playing]
- How about I give you one more try?
- [Magnus grunting]
- [indistinct chatter]
[Felix] I'm sorry. Really.
Please. Excuse me.
[indistinct chatter]
[Felix] Magnus. Come here!
[speaks indistinctly]
- [music concludes]
- [Felix] Sit down.
- Sit down, Magnus.
- I don't want to.
[grunts] Nobody can take that away
from me, you know?
- That shit I just went through.
- [Felix] Hmm.
- It's like I bathed in steel.
- [old blues song playing over speakers]
- [cutlery clinking]
- Dr. Cramer is indestructible!
Successful IPO
and surviving the mafia
all in fewer than 24 hours, Felice.
And what's this?
Four pages on the CableCash genius?
- The German Elon Musk?
- [camera shutter clicking]
Magnus! If we seek the spotlight now,
CableCash is done for.
Everyone has us in their sights.
The press, the government,
the fucking DA's office.
They're all staring at us.
Listen here, my friend.
Because I shine they're all blinded.
[chuckles, snorts]
I have to piss. [sings indistinctly]
[Sascha] "Did Cramer simply
marry into a rich family?"
[chuckles] "No, he did it all on his own."
- [liquid trickling]
- Magnus, I just promised
the mafia 300 new customers
that don't exist yet!
If I can't manage that,
they'll kill me.
[Magnus imitates fart, chuckles]
- Oh, my God!
- [Magnus snorts, chuckles]
Finding hundreds of legitimate businesses
who want to work with us is impossible.
The customers will come.
We have a top-notch product.
- Our product is full of security gaps!
- [Magnus grunts]
That's what I should be concerned about.
- [cell phone buzzes, chimes]
- The whole world is full of security gaps.
What does that even mean?
Listen, it's the big stage now,
so no one's looking behind the curtain.
- [scoffs]
- [Magnus] Maletzki got us
- into the Forum.
- [groans]
Why is your hand so wet?
[Magnus] Global Economic Forum,
Geneva. Heard of it?
- [water running]
- [female narrator] We've heard of it.
The Global Economic Forum
in Geneva is Moneypalooza.
- It's where go-to guys
- [upbeat music playing]
has-beens and newcomers meet.
If you want to prove your startup
is more than just bullshit,
Geneva's the place to be.
- If you get to speak here, you've made it.
- [crowd cheers]
- [Magnus] Felix, we made it!
- [water running]
- [music fades]
- Too big to fail. [chuckles, snorts]
[Felix] Are you completely nuts, Magnus?
What are we going to say there?
Do you want me to cancel it?
So I'm not in the spotlight? [snorts]
Come on, are you jealous of me?
- That doesn't suit you.
- No.
It makes you unlikeable.
Focus on the new customers instead.
[door opens]
- [upbeat techno music playing]
- [traffic honking]
- [telephone ringing]
- [Felix] Okay, everyone listen up!
Everyone get up and huddle together.
Everyone up and huddle together!
Our good IPO is no reason
to lean back now and relax.
The investors expect results.
Here, new customer acquisition scripts.
I am expecting
from you 300 new customer contracts
in the next two days.
What, how, Felix?
How are we going to do that?
[crowd muttering]
- [Felix] Hello, hope you're having
- [dial tone ringing]
a wonderful day.
Felix Armand here from CableCash.
We don't need one big customer,
we need to penetrate the entire market.
- We're going for small businesses.
- [dial tone ringing]
- Bookstores, bakeries, nail salons.
- [dial tone ringing]
I don't give a fuck.
[indistinct chatter]
I was wondering if you've transitioned
to digital payment yet?
[male customer, over phone]
No, and I don't think we need to.
We have to make it clear
that cash is going to vanish.
They switch to digital payment now,
or in a few years, they're finished.
I know it'll be hard.
We're not all sales geniuses like Alexis.
[all cheer]
But if we push ourselves
and work together,
we can handle this!
- [crowd cheering]
- CableCash is there for you!
CableCash needs you now!
Let's go get those clients, you guys!
[female narrator]
Listen, you may not
realize it yet, but today
over half your products are sold online.
- [man] Bye!
- [chuckles] Bye!
[Felix] You want to be a modern company.
No one stashes wads of money
in a safe anymore.
We have a deal?
[male customer, over phone] Mr. Armand,
I'll be totally frank
with you, we don't need it.
- My customers like to pay cash.
- [indistinct chatter]
Okay. Okay. No problem. Have a good one.
- [music concludes]
- Shit!
- [indistinct chatter]
- [machine beeps]
Ma'am, your card isn't working.
I know, I know. Thank you. Bye.
- [electronic beeping]
- [buzzer ringing]
[worker] Next time
- [cell phone ringing, buzzing]
- Yeah, yeah.
[upbeat music playing]
Despite an already fantastic IPO,
CableCash's stock seems
to be only taking off just now.
Fund managers across Europe
are scrambling to buy the stock.
Now, we'll have to wait and see
if the market newcomer
can meet the immense expectations
[crowd cheering]
when it presents its Q1 figures.
[Signora] Where's my money?
If it's not in the account soon,
I'm going to start
cutting off your fingers
- one after the other. Got it?
- [Felix] Yes, yes.
Signora Visconti,
I understand your anger.
I'll go straight to IT.
I'm sure it's just a technical hiccup.
It'll be solved by the end of the week.
I'm very sorry.
[music concludes]
Of course, we have the market newcomer
CableCash and CEO Magnus
[Felix] Hey, Mahatma.
- Jutta! What are you doing here?
- Hmm.
Felix! So nice of you to come.
- Felix. Shoes.
- [mystical music playing]
Yeah, um Magnus,
we have, uh, a little problem.
[Magnus] I always say,
as long as you can solve it
without killing anyone,
it's not a problem. [chuckles]
- [Felix] I'm not so sure about that.
- [Jutta] Seems to be going well for you.
Magnus already told me the good news.
Your own panel
at the Forum in Geneva. Kudos!
[Magnus] Crazy, isn't it?
In the past, I Oh.
In the past,
I'd have done anything for it.
But I've got better things to do now
than perform
for the world's elite. [chuckles]
[Jutta] Of course. It only makes sense
to present
if you have some big news.
I've seen companies go up in flames there.
[Magnus] We're going to announce
the new numbers, right, Felix?
With the contract
from the federal government.
[Jutta] We turned that down.
- Turned it down?
- [Jutta] My people did the math.
It ends up costing you money.
State offices only bill
about seven passports per week digitally.
In Germany, cash is king.
You'll have to be a major provider
to survive in digital banking.
Oh, but who am I telling?
Don't look at me like that.
Deutsche Bank doesn't really expect you
to survive the quarter.
The Forum, come on, bullshit.
You have nothing to present!
Before you ruin the ratings
for all of us and crash and burn,
we want to offer to buy you out.
If you negotiate well,
there'd even be a position for you.
Chief of Digital & Innovation
or something.
For Felix I'm sure
we'll find something in IT.
Tell me, Jutta.
Do you think we're for sale?
Do you think we do this
just for the cash?
Magnus. This is the best thing
that could happen to you.
In Geneva, at best, everyone will see
you're just two pompous assholes
without a single legitimate customer.
Felix, tell her.
[Felix] What do you want me to tell her?
Three hundred new customers since IPO.
[chokes, coughs]
[Magnus] In just two weeks, Jutta.
We have by far
the best product on the market.
- [scissors snipping]
- [Magnus] Not a single security gap.
Thirty-percent growth
in just one quarter!
[upbeat music playing]
[Magnus] In a year
we'll be listed on the DAX.
And then
we'll buy you.
Come, Mahatma.
let's give Felix craniosacral therapy.
Just a moment, please.
[Felix] If Katz goes public with this,
we'll be in the spotlight again!
[Magnus] What do you have
against the spotlight?
[Felix] The Mafia
is opposed to it, for one.
For the last two days,
I've called every company in Germany
and only gotten 12 new contracts.
That's not enough
to get Visconti her money,
let alone to present
made-up figures for the Forum!
And you're bragging to Katz
about sales we don't even have?
You did it with Visconti.
- To save your life!
- Oh. [chuckles]
I like to think I saved you.
[Felix] Magnus, it's the Mafia.
They'll kill us,
and that's the end of CableCash.
Although the point is irrelevant
because we'll be dead!
Felix, you're being a little paranoid.
Relax, man, the stock is going up,
we've got money.
- [music fades]
- Invent the companies. We'll be good.
Invent the companies?
Your geomancer
is going to shit some out for us?
You didn't forget my housewarming party
this weekend, did you?
Speedos, anyone?
[chuckles, snorts]
Frankie, you coming too? Six o'clock.
Mahatma! The room won't wait for us.
- [upbeat guitar playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
You better do me.
You can't make
my daughter any more beautiful.
- Done?
- [makeup artist] Good.
[male announcer]
in three, two, one
Welcome to How to Pick 'Em.
[upbeat cheery music playing]
- Folks, today, I'd like to present
- [hums]
a straw. And it's very special.
It's by the artist Lukas Müller.
[Christian] You can get straws
in supermarkets. This is art.
Now let's ask the burning question,
what is this straw worth?
[Christian chuckles]
As always
- the golden rule is
- [grumbles]
it's worth what someone
is willing to pay for it.
- [Magnus] Christian, you asshole!
- [female host] Yes, but our view
- [doorbell rings]
- [birds chirping]
- [engine rumbling]
- [Magnus chuckles]
I hope I'm not bugging you.
I know the icing is a bit gauche,
but it's sort of a passion of mine.
- I'm your new neighbor.
- [neighbor] I know exactly who you are.
Oh, yeah? [chuckles]
- The fuckwit from Glamy.
- [music concludes]
We're having a little party,
a little housewarming thing
Look, the big boys
aren't going to tolerate you
with your Internet money.
We don't like new money around here.
What happens to a guy
who gets lucky once?
Next time, he's out of luck.
- My wife and I
- Go back to your house,
and stick your dick
in your cake while it's still warm.
- [smacks lips]
- [cheery trumpet playing]
[engine rumbling]
[chuckles] Hello!
- Hi, neighbor.
- [dog barking]
[Magnus] I have a cake.
We're having a little housewarming party.
Maybe you'd like to come. [chuckles]
- [Rooz] Hey!
- Huh?
[Rooz] Aren't you the guy
from CableCash?
[chill hip-hop music
playing over speakers]
[cutlery clinking]
Feeling fresh, getting fresh
Getting carried ♪
- [Felix] You're still here.
- Oh, wow
I was just telling Sammy
how nice it'd be if Felix came home
because he'd ruin our breakfast.
[Felix chuckles] I have
other problems right now.
[Magda] You're killing yourself
to please some idiot.
It didn't work with our brother or Dad.
I do it to earn a living,
not to please anyone.
You do everything to please someone.
- Yeah?
- [Magda] Yes. Sorry.
You know,
it's so funny. You grew up to be just like
the capitalists you used to protest
when you were 16.
[scoffs] Yeah, sure. You know what?
There are only three options.
A, you let capitalism fuck you,
like most people.
B, you fuck capitalism, like me.
Or C, you act as if it doesn't affect you.
But if you choose C,
you'd really have to buy a tent.
Wait, you can't buy one.
You have to find a tent. A used one.
Although that won't work either. No.
Wait, you strangle a wild cow
only using your hands,
skin it, make a tent out of that,
then you walk into the desert with it.
That's when you can hold up
a mirror to me.
Not my fancy mirror you use to put
your eyeliner under your eyes.
It goes above your eyes.
Oh, okay.
And tomorrow, you're really gone!
[tense music playing]
[Felix] It can't be that hard. [sighs]
Everyone wants money.
And you've got money.
[keyboard clacks]
Maybe you don't need 300 new customers,
maybe you just need one big investor
who doesn't worry about
getting her returns in cash.
But you should find out
if you can trust her first.
- [upbeat music playing]
- [monkey screeching]
[monkey groans]
- [computer beeping]
- [chain rattling]
[breathes heavily, huffs]
This installation is called "The Market."
He's playing the stock market.
Hey, buddy!
What about CableCash, huh?
- [growls]
- [gasps]
He's still causing trouble.
Maybe we have to sedate him.
Investors hate short sellers.
Told you so.
[music concludes]
[Sheila] The digital
payment sector is oversaturated.
PayPal, Deutsche Bank, Alipay.
That only leaves CableCash
and their customers
who are unwilling
to follow big providers' rules.
Pornographers, illegal gamblers,
and the like.
It looks like a legit startup bank,
but it's just
an online bank for criminals.
- And I can almost prove it.
- [chains rattling]
It's your first time alone
and you already think
you're the Erin Brockovich
of hedge fund managers.
Focus on finding
a long-term career instead.
- A hit here, a flop there.
- [objects crashing]
With some luck,
you might become Julia Roberts.
We should invest double. At least.
We need to make it worthwhile.
- [monkey growling]
- [suspenseful music playing]
[objects crashing]
I'll quadruple it.
But if you're wrong on this,
you'll pay the difference
out of your own pocket.
That's like, five million euros.
- I don't have that.
- [monkey growling]
You must have rich parents,
like everyone in this business.
[monkey growls]
[objects crashing]
[monkey growling]
[music concludes]
[female narrator]
This isn't Amira Wallace,
- and she doesn't have rich parents.
- [whimsical music playing]
[female narrator] But when she tells
her Nigerian-investor-father story
[camera shutter clicking]
no one asks questions.
Her real name is Sheila Williams,
and she likes to stick
her middle finger up assholes' asses.
Sheila is a short seller.
Short selling is about
the riskiest move on the market.
Imagine it like this
She bets money on outcomes
[cat meowing]
no one expects.
[female narrator]
Like Germany losing to England in soccer.
[female narrator] But if it does happen,
she gets very rich.
[crowd cheering]
[female narrator] The less likely
the event, the higher the profit margin.
[male announcer 1] Five, four
[female narrator]
For example, this man, in January 1986,
- bet that the Challenger
- [indistinct radio chatter]
would explode
less than two minutes after takeoff
and all the astronauts would die.
- It may not be very ethical
- [crowd cheering]
but now he owns the island
next to Jeffrey Epstein's.
- So, he is still able to look
- [camera shutter clicking]
down on someone.
You can bet your money on almost anything.
If you don't have any,
you have to borrow some.
[female narrator] Then you just have
to find someone to take the bet.
- [male investor] And what do you envision?
- [indistinct chatter]
I sell at 25 at the end of the quarter.
So I get 50 million from you
for the stock portfolio.
[gentle music playing]
This is a very tempting offer for us.
Are you sure you want to bet so much
against CableCash? I mean, it's crazy.
I've done this before,
so if you're not interested,
we have a meeting at 2:00 p.m.
with another hedge fund.
Maybe they have smarter people.
May I?
[pen clicks]
- Okay. Thanks.
- [Sheila] The stock
will likely quintuple in two months
because of bullish investors
like you driving it up.
While you're celebrating
the healthy P/E ratio,
I'll have enough evidence to show
the whole business is full of shit.
And by the end of the quarter,
the stock will be two euros. Thanks.
[cheery upbeat music playing]
- [birds chirping]
- [engine rumbling]
[Sheila] I have an investor,
I have the bankers, and an insider.
Now, I just need someone
to publish my research.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [children playing]
Market manipulation.
People go to jail for that. [sighs]
I get info from you,
it's manipulation.
You get information from me,
it's journalism, right?
[music concludes]
[Sheila] This is front-page stuff.
You'll get a medal of honor.
I'm so close to this Armand guy.
If you want to kill the beast,
you have to silence
the singing candlestick.
Two more meetings
and he'll tell me everything.
Don't underestimate him.
[chuckles] We have to kill them
before they're too big.
Hopefully in the first quarter.
[Tom] That's what you do, huh?
Kill things in the first quarter.
It was some cells.
My body, my choice.
- My newspaper, my choice.
- [chuckles]
Wow! Yeah.
I remember why I mainly liked your body.
- [scoffs]
- [traffic rumbling]
- I'll leave this here?
- [pensive music playing]
Maybe you'll find "Smooth Tom,"
from the old days.
The guy who wanted more
than playground moms swooning over him.
Look at it.
I'm off to meet the singing candlestick.
[indistinct chatter]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [woman singing]
[upbeat music playing over speakers]
[glasses clinking]
- [Felix] Good evening. Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- [Sheila] I didn't think you'd come.
- [Felix] Why? Do you think I'm a liar?
- No.
I figured
you'd have lots to do for your job.
I bet every week you have
a new, unexpected problem to handle.
This is cool.
- [Sheila] Really?
- Yeah.
[Sheila] But before
we talk about the investment
[file thuds]
[Sheila] The real reason I wanted to meet.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- [Sheila] Come on, everyone has a song
to bust out at karaoke.
Okay, um
There. "My Way."
[Sheila] Really?
- Okay.
- [Felix] I can do it.
- Yeah, of course. Brave.
- [Felix] Yeah!
Why? Because Sinatra worked for the Mafia?
[bell dinging]
No, haven't you heard
of the "My Way Killings"?
- The "My Way Killings"?
- "My Way Killings." Yes.
- No.
- [Sheila] Between 2002 and 2012,
at least six people were killed
in the Philippines
for singing "My Way" at karaoke bars.
Pretty sure one even happened on stage.
But, hey, it's your choice.
- [Felix] Oh. [chuckles]
- It's a super song. [chuckles]
- [music concludes]
- [crowd cheering]
[slurps, gulps]
I'm doing it. I can.
- [Sheila] You got this.
- I have to pee first,
because I read somewhere
that you pee your pants when you die.
- That'd be very embarrassing for me.
- [Sheila] Me too.
[Felix chuckles]
- [belt clinks]
- [zipper hissing]
- [vocalizes, sings] Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
- [liquid trickling]
[door opens]
[screams, grunts]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Felix] Okay, I'm so incredibly sorry.
I talked to IT.
Everything will work again on Monday.
Monday, I swear.
[in Italian] Everything's good.
No problem!
People, I
We can talk like civilized people.
We're not criminals, right?
Or are you Fabian? Till?
[kidnappers chuckling]
Tell me who I'm dealing with!
Is this about the offer? Or
is it a financial crimes thing?
These are not methods
German law enforcement can use
against upstanding taxpayers, okay?
And I pay a ton of taxes!
I want to say that on record.
- I pay so much on my taxes, okay?
- [kidnappers laughing]
- And my lawyer will sue
- [kidnappers laughing]
- Are you a fucking lunatic?
- [laughs]
I had to talk to you,
and if didn't kidnap you,
you would've never made time for me.
- What do you want from me?
- [music concludes]
Just to tell you
I'm officially Austrian Intelligence now.
- Can you believe it?
- Okay, I believe you!
- And I need data, of course. But listen.
- [kidnappers snickering]
- [Felix] What data?
- Customer data.
Come on. I know CableCash
collects all kind of customer data.
Who buys sex online from Banana-Milf?
Who does business with the Mafia?
Felix, whatever you have.
Do you know
how hard it is to get that stuff?
Data privacy is bullshit.
I don't know what people are so afraid of.
- Why do you want it? What do you want
- Let us worry about that.
You help us and we'll help you.
"Kunkelmann Tire Service"?
- [kidnappers chuckling]
- Yeah.
If things start to get dicey.
Or if you have someone
who urgently needs their tires changed.
- If you know what I mean.
- I have no idea what you mean.
If I need help, it won't be
from Austrian Intelligence. Thanks.
Thanks so much.
A tip, Felix. Always be careful
when you accept a drink from anyone.
- It may have Novichok in it. [chuckles]
- [Felix] You're a moron.
- Goodbye.
- [Marco] What?
- [Felix] I want to get out.
- Yeah?
Go ahead.
I can't. The door is locked.
[kidnappers laughing]
- I want out now.
- [Marco] Hey, come on, it's funny.
- I'll start to scream, dude, I swear.
- Okay, try.
- [both scream]
- [kidnappers laughing]
- Help! [screams]
- [screams]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [traffic rumbling]
[keys jingle]
[whimsical classical music playing]
[cell phone chimes]
I'm not convinced by your idea.
You think you might have
a better argument for me?
[belt rattles]
[actor, over tv]
That's what we were thinking.
[actress, over tv] Maletzki!
Maletzki, yeah!
- [Sammy] Rough day at the office?
- [music cuts off]
[Felix] Sammy, what the fuck!
That was awkward for both of us.
Why are you here?
I thought you guys left.
Next time, maybe can you
go to your bedroom?
- Where is your mom?
- Handling something.
She said you'd have fun playing daddy.
No. No, no, no. Sammy. Sammy.
Do you know how many different roles
I have to play every day?
For my boss?
For customers and employees?
For the public prosecutor
and the fucking Italian mafia?
I can't take care of you too, Sammy!
[drink pouring]
- [sighs]
- Magda said I should take care of you.
Here. Enjoy.
Oh, and you know
sometimes it helps to picture
everyone having to play different roles.
For example, the public prosecutor
is more than that.
She could be a wife,
or maybe even a mother.
And your employees are other people
when they're not at work.
You whine too much.
[uplifting classical music playing]
[Felix] He's probably right.
You search half the world
for new customers,
- when they are right under your nose.
- [traffic rumbling]
[Felix] Listen to me, Alex,
we need to create a few companies.
- [Alex, over phone] A few? Two? Three?
- [Felix] No, lots more.
As long as we register all the companies
and pay tax on the revenue,
no one will take a closer look.
Meeting, now.
- Now.
- Hey! Felix!
Little conference room.
- [Klaus] Now?
- [Felix] Now.
Okay, thanks.
[Felix] If you can trust anyone,
it's your own family.
In the end, everyone wins.
Visconti's account has clean money in it
[electronic beeping]
CableCash gets solid growth
in their books
and the employees get a little commission.
[electronic chiming]
[Felix] Win, win, win.
Made up customers.
So simple even Magnus
can grasp it's
- [electronic chiming]
- [keyboard clacking]
-11.975.022,40 €
12.000.000,00 €
[electronic chiming]
[music concludes]
[traffic rumbling]
- [birds chirping]
- [muffled pop song playing]
[Felix] Oh, Magnus!
- [chuckles]
- Felice. [chuckles, snorts]
Prego! [chuckles]
- [hip-hop music playing over speakers]
- [crowd cheering, screaming]
Look here, the Immendorff monkeys.
I can't help but think of the two of us
when I look at them. [chuckles]
Magnus, I have the plan
to launder the Visconti money.
- Basically
- [Ariane] Well?
- [baby crying]
- Hi!
Showing off
your monkeys again? [chuckles]
- [Magnus] Give him Fillius.
- Hi.
[Magnus] Amazing how innocent they look.
Hard to believe
what assholes they can become.
But only 50% of it is nature.
The rest is nurture.
- [baby crying]
- [chuckles]
[Magnus] So what's the plan?
[Felix] Look out there. What do you see?
- [baby cooing]
- [Magnus] Our crazy employees.
[Felix] Sure, but that's just one role.
They all have second jobs.
Stephanie, for instance,
has a flower shop now.
Von Aachen sells
self-crocheted scarves on Etsy.
- Schulz sells potato salad. Tons of it.
- [chuckles]
A shit ton! It perishes fast,
- so it's hard for the tax office to check.
- [Magnus chuckles]
The geomancer, Mahatma,
makes wedding cakes.
[Felix] Ali, his wife, his two kids
and his in-laws, all sell flowers.
Also very perishable.
The whole town they're from,
and Steffi's soccer team
[computer chiming]
have all recently become online florists.
In the last 24 hours, Alex has drafted
contracts for all of them.
That means, 210 new CableCash customers.
- Reliable, upward trending sales.
- [music concludes]
[Felix] Not figures for the Forum,
but the mafia won't kill us.
[upbeat hip-hop music
playing over speakers]
- [grunts]
- [baby crying]
See? It worked out, didn't it?
Yes, yes, yes!
- [baby crying]
- Filius, eh? [chuckles]
Who didn't believe me again,
my friend? [chuckles]
Yes, yes, yes!
- [crowd cheering]
- [music intensifies]
Put 'em up and slam down ♪
We ain't playin' 'round this time
We ain't playin' 'round this time ♪
Get somebody to dance with ♪
We ain't playin' 'round this time ♪
- [chuckles] Yeah!
- [music concludes]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [both sing] We are now two! ♪
- [both chuckle]
- [Lückenroth] That's Rooz. That's Rooz!
He's his neighbor.
[Schulz] He's worth 50 million euros, man!
What's the matter?
- Fuck! You doing it or not, man?
- [Alex] Do it.
- [Schulz] You want in the family, right?
- [sighs]
[Alex] Lücki! Lücki! Lücki!
- [cell phone buzzes]
- [sniffs, chokes, coughs]
[both laugh]
- [cell phone buzzes]
- [coughs]
[Alex] Lücki [chuckles]
[all laugh]
[interviewer, over phone] Whether
the success can continue,
is something experts don't agree upon.
Their biggest competitor, Deutsche Bank,
expressed doubts today.
[Jutta] I am skeptical about CableCash
being able to achieve
the 30% first-quarter growth
they have announced internally.
But if I am correct,
they'll soon present details themselves.
[interviewer] In Geneva at the Global
Economic Forum?
- [Jutta] No comment.
- [Schulz] What's she talking about?
- Cunt!
- [interviewer] Thank you for joining us.
- [Alex] Fuck!
- [door closes]
- [crowd cheering]
- [rock music playing]
Let's go! Who's ready?
[Alex] Felix!
- We have a problem.
- [groans]
I fixed all our problems, Alex.
[Alex] Listen, you gotta see this.
[Felix] It was the perfect solution!
We got money coming in,
and I talked Magnus
out of the fucking Forum.
- It's all good!
- So, change of plans, guys.
The world thinks we're growing by 30%,
so we'll grow 30%.
- Bam! [chuckles, snorts]
- What?
[Magnus] Felix, let me explain something.
VW, Daimler, BMW, every day,
they build thousands of cars.
Tesla is worth way more
than them all put together,
even though they've barely
delivered a thing.
But investors give them money
because they believe
they'll deliver in five years.
So, we borrow money from investors
and they get it back when we have success.
[Felix] Magnus, that's stupid!
Our product is totally different.
[grunts] Screw the product, Felix!
The stock is our product!
Give the investors what they want!
Didn't you see the video?
Has he not seen the video? Huh?
Jutta Katz said that we'd grow by 30%
on the news.
- Thirty!
- [groans]
- Oh, God!
- [Magnus] You know what?
We need a really big stage
with such a big spotlight,
that anyone watching will go,
"He has to be telling the truth."
Anyone know where we can get that?
Huh? You need
very good contacts in politics
to get a big stage like that.
And we have them! [laughs]
Everyone, listen up!
Rooz, turn the damn music off!
- All right
- [music fades]
Who here would have thought
that Deutsche Bank would ever be right?
[crowd laughing, cheering]
Listen up now.
We didn't want you to hear about
our growth figures from the press.
But it's at
[all cheer]
That's not all!
These incredible figures deserve
the biggest stage possible.
Pack your things, everyone, we're going
- to the Forum!
- [crowd cheering]
[upbeat music playing]
Let's hear it! Cable
- Cash!
- [crowd] Cash!
- Cable
- [crowd] Cash!
- Cable Cash! Cash! Cash!
- [crowd] Cash! Cash! Cash!
- [screams]
- [crowd cheering]
[cheering, screaming continues]
[crowd cheering]
[music concludes]
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