King of the Hill s02e23 Episode Script
Propane Boom Part 1
[muzak playing.]
do you know where I can find 4 "d" batteries for my flashlight? Um, aisle 30, I think.
This is aisle 30.
15 3 Stop guessing.
Either you know, or you don't know.
Sir, I'm tryin g to help you.
Hey, you! Wait! [groans.]
batteries? You just passed 'em.
Right through that door, sir.
[sighs.]
thank you.
[sighing.]
I hate this place.
Yahoo! [rock 'n' roll music playing.]
(miss kremzer) as a stylist, you must remember a bad haircut can cost your client their job, even get them beat up.
That's why we practice on the senior citizens.
Miss kremzer, my senior citizen is too small for my chair.
Can I get a new one? Luanne, please! Some of them can hear you.
Would you step into my office? I haven't received your tuition check for this trimester .
oh, really? Um, I mailed it.
Oh, you did, did you? That's good.
Because if you hadn't, I would've had to suspend you.
But since you did mail it, why don't we just sit here and wait until it comes? I didn't mail the check.
If I don't pay my tuition, I can't go to beauty school anymore.
[sighs.]
can you believe that? How much was it, again? $300.
Uh, all I have is $400, and that's going towards my new trampoline.
I mean, the trampoline I have now is good, but you know Yeah, ok.
Night, buckley .
[bike engine starting.]
ok, hank.
Try turning it back on now (woman on television) because feeling fresh is important to a woman.
[shrieking.]
(bobby) dad, can I come back in, now? Not yet, son, stay in the kitchen.
Ok, bobby.
You can come back in.
(man on television) your garden will be a horn of plenty with mega lo mulch in easy-to-lift 50-pound bags.
Mmm, that chuck mangione is one class act.
And now mega lo mart has propane, and propane accessories, at mega-low prices.
And it "fuels" so good.
Propane at mega lo mart? Uh, bobby, leave the room you bastards! [chattering.]
all right, all right.
Everybody settle down.
Mega lo mart may be selling propane now, but they're in for the fight of their lives.
Tell 'em, buck.
Well, there's no way we can compete with their prices.
But debbie and I stayed late last night .
and after that, we came up with a plan yes, we have a plan! Good work, buck and, uh, debbie.
We're gonna beat mega lo mart by givin' the customer what they can't, the personal touch.
A little program i'm gonna call "service with a hug.
" [laughing nervously.]
you're serious? [doorbell jangling.]
hi.
Welcome to strickland propane.
Service with a hug.
ugh, I'm really sorry about that.
Now, what can we do for you? Well, I was just wonderin', do you honor mega lo mart coupons? No, but for pennies more, you get the same propane and strickland service well, how many pennies? Several hundred.
I hugged you! Sure, son, the wagner char king does cost a little les s here at mega lo mart.
But when you buy at strickland, 135 los gatos road you don't just get a grill you get a spatula and a friend.
A good spatula! Sir, there's no yelling in the propane department.
Some of these gases are extremely volubuleous.
Well, buckley, I have a complaint.
I would like to talk circles around the person who runs your propane department.
hey.
They don't want me making keys anymore.
I don't know whether to laugh or vomit.
[sizzling.]
say, I wanna thank you guys for continuing to buy your propane from strickland.
You're about due for a fill-up, dale.
What's it been? 5, 6 cookouts? No, I'm--i'm all set.
huh! Oh, that's odd.
The gauge must be broken.
It says your tank's full.
Here.
Mega lo mart? [dale screaming.]
I am changing the seating plan in my classroom.
Mr.
Garcia has been hiding from me for too long.
Welcome to the front row, mr.
Garcia.
Are--are you listening , hank? I gotta come up with some kind of battle plan.
We're huggin' our way down the crapper, here.
[knocking.]
(luanne) uncle hank, aunt peg, can I come in? no! yes! You know, I didn't wanna ask you for money.
That's a good instinct, luanne.
Go on, honey.
They won't let me back in beauty academy unless I pay them $300 and I can't make $300 until I'm a rich and famous hollywood makeup artist.
Yup.
You got yourself a real catch-22 there.
Good night.
Now, sir, I know we could never match mega lo mart's prices, but I thought maybe we could get ourselves a spokesperson the way mega lo mart cashes in on chuck mangione's star power.
Now, I've done some research on this zamfir fella, and I found out he's sold more albums worldwide than the beatles.
His music's better, too.
Hank, it's too late.
I've-- I've decided to shut down this branch of strickland propane.
What? No! Sir, you We can't give up! Hank, listen, I got 4 more branches to think about.
Sometimes you just gotta cut off a finger to save the hand.
.
I gotta let you go you're firin' me? I can't even afford to give you a severance package, but.
.
You can have 5 minutes at the office supply cabinet.
Make a basket out of your shirt, honey.
[cracking.]
[grunting.]
take your damn batteries back.
Take 'em back.
Bastards! I don't want 'em.
You can have 'em.
Boy, you get a lot of batteries for $4.
[grunting.]
bastards! Dad, what about this big box of tissues? Is it from mega lo mart? No, but it was touching something that is.
Throw it out.
Well, folks, there is no chance in hell we are gonna lose this house because I have spent a lot of time thinking and preparing us for this exact moment.
You what? Hank, I married you for better or for worse.
So, during the better, I planned for the worse.
I saved all our old curtains so that I could make some clothes for bobby we will grow our own vegetables, and we'll eat carrots for dessert.
[gasps.]
I thought you said we were gonna be ok.
From now on, I'll be the breadwinner of the house.
Oh, not that you're the bread loser.
We're all winners here! [spanish music playing on tv.]
[speaking spanish.]
[gasping.]
why is the pope holding that gun? That is not the pope.
It's monsignor martinez.
[sighing.]
vaya con dios! [gun firing.]
hmm.
"wanted-- One hard-working man to replace 4 who weren't.
" Stop lookin'.
You found him.
You'll notice that the door on your left is open.
And if you're not interested in making money, I want you to walk right out that door, because this is not for you.
Can I just ask, what exactly are we selling? That's a very good question.
You'll be selling opportunity.
With your initial investment of $300, you can make up to $60,000 or as much as $200,000! It's up to you.
(both) you! You! You! [clapping.]
(both) you! what's in the box? All right, eager beaver, it's time for us to tell you.
Inside each of these boxes are 24 smaller boxes, filled with dreams oh, god! We're not selling steak knives, are we? Uh, not we.
You! ! [audience clapping.]
(both) you, you, you, you uncle hank, what's a b.
t.
u.
? British thermal unit.
oh! So, there's no bacon in it at all, then.
Luanne, I think you picked up the wrong book.
That's about propane.
I know.
[chuckling.]
i'm studying to be a propane salesman, just like you used to be, uncle hank.
That's a neat idea, luanne .
While you're at it, maybe you can fly around the world in a weather balloon.
I can, too, get a job selling propane.
Huh! Buckley said he'd hire me at the mega lo mart.
Mega lo mart? Why don't you just go down to hell and work for the devil? [yelling.]
good thing that I don't have dangerous brain powers, or right now, you'd be in 1000 little pieces! I've answered 40 classified ads, and I didn't get a single response.
Hey, man, I know how it is .
Man, you go get low down on that money, man, just come to that ol' bank of boomhauer.
Get a little ol' cash advance.
Dang ol' additional charge s may apply, man.
Well, I appreciate that, but we're doing fine, thanks.
Peggy's landed some extra work as a notary public.
You got yourself a good man there, hank.
Uh What did you just say, bill? [birds chirping.]
[grunting.]
[groans.]
propane is, a: flammable.
B: non-flammable.
C: all of the above.
hmm.
Well, you can't eat propane, so [sighs.]
for god's sakes, it's flammable! I could have gotten that! You would have never gotten that! [yelling.]
uncle hank! [gasping.]
how could such a good cop become such a bad priest? Ah, well, I threw out my ethics and I notarized velma throckmorton's will.
I hope those cats know how to run a toy store honey, did you iron my blouse for tomorrow? no.
I don't know how to iron, and I don't wanna learn.
Hank, we're all taking on extra responsibilities because of your Situation.
I'm tryin', peggy.
Don't be a "try-baby," hank, be a "do-baby.
" [kissing.]
[man speaking spanish.]
(luanne) come on, luanne.
No job, no hollywood.
You can do this.
Remember, b.
t.
u.
, british thermal unit.
No bacon-- (buckley) hey.
i'm ready for the test, buckley.
I just pushed everythin' out of my mind except propane.
Well, and how to get here.
You don't have to take the test now.
I gave the job to somebody else.
[gasping.]
[screaming.]
so, I guess you think you're going to work right now, off to sell propane in your fancy vest.
Hope you like walkin', though, because I took your car keys and I flushed them down the toilet.
[laughing.]
luanne, have you seen my car keys? So, you know somethin' about propane? I was assistant manage r at strickland propane for 15 years.
[smirks.]
anyway, here's your tag.
You gotta wear this at all times.
hey! hey.
This is ron.
Uh, hello, I'm Mr.
Hill.
15 years experience in propane.
Wow, that's amazing! Hey, you know what? What? Chicken butt.
You know what that means? No.
What? Chicken butt.
You gotta stop saying "what.
" why? Chicken thigh.
[laughing.]
ok.
Now you gotta put up some posters in the parking lot.
Chuck mangione's giving a concert there next week.
But what Uh Never mind.
Dad, I thought you hated mega lo mart oh, I do, son.
I do, indeed.
But you're workin' there.
That's right.
Are you still married to mom? Bobby, of course I am.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true, bobby.
He is.
You know, hank, I think you should be happy about your new job.
You get to wear that smart little uniform.
And with the trainee badge, you can make all kinds of mistakes.
It's like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, now I feel great, peggy.
Thanks very much.
Let's all go dancing.
What do you say? Well, forgive me, hank, but I am doing the best I can.
.
You've never failed before I don't know how to pity you without offending you.
I guess this means we're not going dancin'.
Hey, luanne, uh Listen, I'm sorry I took that job you wanted but you have to-- Sorry, I can't talk right now.
I'm in the middle of a rehearsal.
I'm sir reginald feather bottom the third, and my boyfriend is going to give me a job at the mega lo mart.
Hee-haw.
No, he's not.
I'm goin ' to make him give it to me and ruin your life forever hee-haw.
(hank) luanne [braying loudly.]
um You work with ron and buckley in the propane department, right? Well, I work in the propane department while buckley and ron watch me.
Um Could you find out if ron likes stefani? ! Cindi, shut up [giggling.]
because she wants to stand next to him during the chuck mangione concert.
(stefani) shut up! [giggling.]
well, I think i'll go try and find the grown-up break room.
Ladies! I think that old guy likes you.
Shut up! [giggling.]
[air hissing.]
hello.
America loves mega lo mart.
[gasps.]
don't take it too hard, hill.
After a while, you hardly Miss the respect.
Mark mcjimsey.
You mean the mark mcjimsey that owns "just brake drums"? Used to own, till mega lo mart ran all of main street out of business.
Now, I'm just workin' here in the automotive department helpin' feed the beast that killed me.
yup.
The only place you can find a main street these days .
is in disneyland, and just try to buy a gun there say, you know a fella by the name of ray holliday? Layaway ray? Sure! Used to go to his bait shop all the time so, there I was, bare-ass naked, sittin' in a box of night crawlers.
Felt kind of funny, but it kept them alive through the night.
See, that's the kind of thing you can do when you own your own store.
Here, it's just one humiliation after another.
I've been meaning to tell you-- (employee) all right, break it up, back to work.
And you, where's your trainee tag? I won't wear it.
I've had 20 years experience.
I'm not goin' to take this! And neither are we! Oh? Well, I guess I'll jus t have to fire you, then.
[ringing.]
buckley, what the hell are you doin'? You never ever want to put stress on the valve.
You'll cause a gas leak.
Hey, where were you? You're to set up chuck mangione's dressing room with sliced pears and 2-percent cottage cheese.
Or did you forget that, too, hank? Trainees.
Tsk! You know how it is.
(hank) so, what do you think? (ray) I don't know, hank, you're talkin' about an act of open rebellion.
Dang right, I am.
They say, "america loves mega lo mart.
" And if we don't speak up, everyone'll think it's true.
We've got to put an end to the silence while the whole world is watching.
If you want out, get out now.
As for the rest of us, we will be disrupting a chuck mangione concert.
With kazoos.
Why kazoos, hank? Because they're portable, they're annoying, and mega lo mart has them for $3 a case.
We'll be just like queer nation.
Or the boston tea party.
(all) yes, the boston tea party.
(hank) exactly! ? Uncle hank yes? I had a lot of time to think while I was unflushing aunt peggy's keys.
And I would like you to know that I'm not mad at you anymore for taking my job.
I was the better candidate.
Oh, sure, sure.
Um Can you give me a ride to the mega lo mart in the mornin'? I'm going to break up with buckley.
As of tomorrow, your boss is no longer my boyfriend.
[brakes squealing.]
why don't you get us a spot, peggy? I've got a little business to take care of.
I know, hank.
I saw your bag of kazoos, and I put 2 and 2 together after 15 years of teaching, I know a mutiny when I see one.
Don't try to stop me, peggy.
[yelling.]
hank! Yeah? Remember, honey, to hum, not blow! If you blow, it tears the wax paper! I'll tell 'em.
Hank, where's your kazoo? I got somethin' bigger in store for Mr.
Charles mangione.
[people chattering.]
i'm breakin' up with you! Do you know why? Chicken thigh? Don't make this harder than it already is.
[gas hissing.]
[honking.]
[audience cheering.]
how are you doing, arlen? Are you ready to soft rock? [cheering.]
[horn blowing.]
[kazoos buzzing.]
[crowd exclaiming.]
i-is that their new slogan? huh? [sniffs.]
oh, no! [hissing.]
[woman screaming.]
[people screaming.]
[screaming.]
hank! [screaming.]
chuck! Buckley and luanne are in there! Hey, man, is this 9-1-1? I'm dang ol' here at mega lo mart, man.
It's gone boom, there's a fire there.
And dadgum--dadgum blowed everywhere, man.
I don't know.
Some man run out of there.
I don't know if chuck mangione gonna be coming here-- (woman officer) sir, you're going to have to speak more slowly.
I can't understand you.
Dang ol' mega lo mart Talking about dang ol' Dang, it's boom! ??[rock 'n' roll music playing.]
(stefani) shut up! [giggling.]
do you know where I can find 4 "d" batteries for my flashlight? Um, aisle 30, I think.
This is aisle 30.
15 3 Stop guessing.
Either you know, or you don't know.
Sir, I'm tryin g to help you.
Hey, you! Wait! [groans.]
batteries? You just passed 'em.
Right through that door, sir.
[sighs.]
thank you.
[sighing.]
I hate this place.
Yahoo! [rock 'n' roll music playing.]
(miss kremzer) as a stylist, you must remember a bad haircut can cost your client their job, even get them beat up.
That's why we practice on the senior citizens.
Miss kremzer, my senior citizen is too small for my chair.
Can I get a new one? Luanne, please! Some of them can hear you.
Would you step into my office? I haven't received your tuition check for this trimester .
oh, really? Um, I mailed it.
Oh, you did, did you? That's good.
Because if you hadn't, I would've had to suspend you.
But since you did mail it, why don't we just sit here and wait until it comes? I didn't mail the check.
If I don't pay my tuition, I can't go to beauty school anymore.
[sighs.]
can you believe that? How much was it, again? $300.
Uh, all I have is $400, and that's going towards my new trampoline.
I mean, the trampoline I have now is good, but you know Yeah, ok.
Night, buckley .
[bike engine starting.]
ok, hank.
Try turning it back on now (woman on television) because feeling fresh is important to a woman.
[shrieking.]
(bobby) dad, can I come back in, now? Not yet, son, stay in the kitchen.
Ok, bobby.
You can come back in.
(man on television) your garden will be a horn of plenty with mega lo mulch in easy-to-lift 50-pound bags.
Mmm, that chuck mangione is one class act.
And now mega lo mart has propane, and propane accessories, at mega-low prices.
And it "fuels" so good.
Propane at mega lo mart? Uh, bobby, leave the room you bastards! [chattering.]
all right, all right.
Everybody settle down.
Mega lo mart may be selling propane now, but they're in for the fight of their lives.
Tell 'em, buck.
Well, there's no way we can compete with their prices.
But debbie and I stayed late last night .
and after that, we came up with a plan yes, we have a plan! Good work, buck and, uh, debbie.
We're gonna beat mega lo mart by givin' the customer what they can't, the personal touch.
A little program i'm gonna call "service with a hug.
" [laughing nervously.]
you're serious? [doorbell jangling.]
hi.
Welcome to strickland propane.
Service with a hug.
ugh, I'm really sorry about that.
Now, what can we do for you? Well, I was just wonderin', do you honor mega lo mart coupons? No, but for pennies more, you get the same propane and strickland service well, how many pennies? Several hundred.
I hugged you! Sure, son, the wagner char king does cost a little les s here at mega lo mart.
But when you buy at strickland, 135 los gatos road you don't just get a grill you get a spatula and a friend.
A good spatula! Sir, there's no yelling in the propane department.
Some of these gases are extremely volubuleous.
Well, buckley, I have a complaint.
I would like to talk circles around the person who runs your propane department.
hey.
They don't want me making keys anymore.
I don't know whether to laugh or vomit.
[sizzling.]
say, I wanna thank you guys for continuing to buy your propane from strickland.
You're about due for a fill-up, dale.
What's it been? 5, 6 cookouts? No, I'm--i'm all set.
huh! Oh, that's odd.
The gauge must be broken.
It says your tank's full.
Here.
Mega lo mart? [dale screaming.]
I am changing the seating plan in my classroom.
Mr.
Garcia has been hiding from me for too long.
Welcome to the front row, mr.
Garcia.
Are--are you listening , hank? I gotta come up with some kind of battle plan.
We're huggin' our way down the crapper, here.
[knocking.]
(luanne) uncle hank, aunt peg, can I come in? no! yes! You know, I didn't wanna ask you for money.
That's a good instinct, luanne.
Go on, honey.
They won't let me back in beauty academy unless I pay them $300 and I can't make $300 until I'm a rich and famous hollywood makeup artist.
Yup.
You got yourself a real catch-22 there.
Good night.
Now, sir, I know we could never match mega lo mart's prices, but I thought maybe we could get ourselves a spokesperson the way mega lo mart cashes in on chuck mangione's star power.
Now, I've done some research on this zamfir fella, and I found out he's sold more albums worldwide than the beatles.
His music's better, too.
Hank, it's too late.
I've-- I've decided to shut down this branch of strickland propane.
What? No! Sir, you We can't give up! Hank, listen, I got 4 more branches to think about.
Sometimes you just gotta cut off a finger to save the hand.
.
I gotta let you go you're firin' me? I can't even afford to give you a severance package, but.
.
You can have 5 minutes at the office supply cabinet.
Make a basket out of your shirt, honey.
[cracking.]
[grunting.]
take your damn batteries back.
Take 'em back.
Bastards! I don't want 'em.
You can have 'em.
Boy, you get a lot of batteries for $4.
[grunting.]
bastards! Dad, what about this big box of tissues? Is it from mega lo mart? No, but it was touching something that is.
Throw it out.
Well, folks, there is no chance in hell we are gonna lose this house because I have spent a lot of time thinking and preparing us for this exact moment.
You what? Hank, I married you for better or for worse.
So, during the better, I planned for the worse.
I saved all our old curtains so that I could make some clothes for bobby we will grow our own vegetables, and we'll eat carrots for dessert.
[gasps.]
I thought you said we were gonna be ok.
From now on, I'll be the breadwinner of the house.
Oh, not that you're the bread loser.
We're all winners here! [spanish music playing on tv.]
[speaking spanish.]
[gasping.]
why is the pope holding that gun? That is not the pope.
It's monsignor martinez.
[sighing.]
vaya con dios! [gun firing.]
hmm.
"wanted-- One hard-working man to replace 4 who weren't.
" Stop lookin'.
You found him.
You'll notice that the door on your left is open.
And if you're not interested in making money, I want you to walk right out that door, because this is not for you.
Can I just ask, what exactly are we selling? That's a very good question.
You'll be selling opportunity.
With your initial investment of $300, you can make up to $60,000 or as much as $200,000! It's up to you.
(both) you! You! You! [clapping.]
(both) you! what's in the box? All right, eager beaver, it's time for us to tell you.
Inside each of these boxes are 24 smaller boxes, filled with dreams oh, god! We're not selling steak knives, are we? Uh, not we.
You! ! [audience clapping.]
(both) you, you, you, you uncle hank, what's a b.
t.
u.
? British thermal unit.
oh! So, there's no bacon in it at all, then.
Luanne, I think you picked up the wrong book.
That's about propane.
I know.
[chuckling.]
i'm studying to be a propane salesman, just like you used to be, uncle hank.
That's a neat idea, luanne .
While you're at it, maybe you can fly around the world in a weather balloon.
I can, too, get a job selling propane.
Huh! Buckley said he'd hire me at the mega lo mart.
Mega lo mart? Why don't you just go down to hell and work for the devil? [yelling.]
good thing that I don't have dangerous brain powers, or right now, you'd be in 1000 little pieces! I've answered 40 classified ads, and I didn't get a single response.
Hey, man, I know how it is .
Man, you go get low down on that money, man, just come to that ol' bank of boomhauer.
Get a little ol' cash advance.
Dang ol' additional charge s may apply, man.
Well, I appreciate that, but we're doing fine, thanks.
Peggy's landed some extra work as a notary public.
You got yourself a good man there, hank.
Uh What did you just say, bill? [birds chirping.]
[grunting.]
[groans.]
propane is, a: flammable.
B: non-flammable.
C: all of the above.
hmm.
Well, you can't eat propane, so [sighs.]
for god's sakes, it's flammable! I could have gotten that! You would have never gotten that! [yelling.]
uncle hank! [gasping.]
how could such a good cop become such a bad priest? Ah, well, I threw out my ethics and I notarized velma throckmorton's will.
I hope those cats know how to run a toy store honey, did you iron my blouse for tomorrow? no.
I don't know how to iron, and I don't wanna learn.
Hank, we're all taking on extra responsibilities because of your Situation.
I'm tryin', peggy.
Don't be a "try-baby," hank, be a "do-baby.
" [kissing.]
[man speaking spanish.]
(luanne) come on, luanne.
No job, no hollywood.
You can do this.
Remember, b.
t.
u.
, british thermal unit.
No bacon-- (buckley) hey.
i'm ready for the test, buckley.
I just pushed everythin' out of my mind except propane.
Well, and how to get here.
You don't have to take the test now.
I gave the job to somebody else.
[gasping.]
[screaming.]
so, I guess you think you're going to work right now, off to sell propane in your fancy vest.
Hope you like walkin', though, because I took your car keys and I flushed them down the toilet.
[laughing.]
luanne, have you seen my car keys? So, you know somethin' about propane? I was assistant manage r at strickland propane for 15 years.
[smirks.]
anyway, here's your tag.
You gotta wear this at all times.
hey! hey.
This is ron.
Uh, hello, I'm Mr.
Hill.
15 years experience in propane.
Wow, that's amazing! Hey, you know what? What? Chicken butt.
You know what that means? No.
What? Chicken butt.
You gotta stop saying "what.
" why? Chicken thigh.
[laughing.]
ok.
Now you gotta put up some posters in the parking lot.
Chuck mangione's giving a concert there next week.
But what Uh Never mind.
Dad, I thought you hated mega lo mart oh, I do, son.
I do, indeed.
But you're workin' there.
That's right.
Are you still married to mom? Bobby, of course I am.
Mmm-hmm.
It's true, bobby.
He is.
You know, hank, I think you should be happy about your new job.
You get to wear that smart little uniform.
And with the trainee badge, you can make all kinds of mistakes.
It's like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, now I feel great, peggy.
Thanks very much.
Let's all go dancing.
What do you say? Well, forgive me, hank, but I am doing the best I can.
.
You've never failed before I don't know how to pity you without offending you.
I guess this means we're not going dancin'.
Hey, luanne, uh Listen, I'm sorry I took that job you wanted but you have to-- Sorry, I can't talk right now.
I'm in the middle of a rehearsal.
I'm sir reginald feather bottom the third, and my boyfriend is going to give me a job at the mega lo mart.
Hee-haw.
No, he's not.
I'm goin ' to make him give it to me and ruin your life forever hee-haw.
(hank) luanne [braying loudly.]
um You work with ron and buckley in the propane department, right? Well, I work in the propane department while buckley and ron watch me.
Um Could you find out if ron likes stefani? ! Cindi, shut up [giggling.]
because she wants to stand next to him during the chuck mangione concert.
(stefani) shut up! [giggling.]
well, I think i'll go try and find the grown-up break room.
Ladies! I think that old guy likes you.
Shut up! [giggling.]
[air hissing.]
hello.
America loves mega lo mart.
[gasps.]
don't take it too hard, hill.
After a while, you hardly Miss the respect.
Mark mcjimsey.
You mean the mark mcjimsey that owns "just brake drums"? Used to own, till mega lo mart ran all of main street out of business.
Now, I'm just workin' here in the automotive department helpin' feed the beast that killed me.
yup.
The only place you can find a main street these days .
is in disneyland, and just try to buy a gun there say, you know a fella by the name of ray holliday? Layaway ray? Sure! Used to go to his bait shop all the time so, there I was, bare-ass naked, sittin' in a box of night crawlers.
Felt kind of funny, but it kept them alive through the night.
See, that's the kind of thing you can do when you own your own store.
Here, it's just one humiliation after another.
I've been meaning to tell you-- (employee) all right, break it up, back to work.
And you, where's your trainee tag? I won't wear it.
I've had 20 years experience.
I'm not goin' to take this! And neither are we! Oh? Well, I guess I'll jus t have to fire you, then.
[ringing.]
buckley, what the hell are you doin'? You never ever want to put stress on the valve.
You'll cause a gas leak.
Hey, where were you? You're to set up chuck mangione's dressing room with sliced pears and 2-percent cottage cheese.
Or did you forget that, too, hank? Trainees.
Tsk! You know how it is.
(hank) so, what do you think? (ray) I don't know, hank, you're talkin' about an act of open rebellion.
Dang right, I am.
They say, "america loves mega lo mart.
" And if we don't speak up, everyone'll think it's true.
We've got to put an end to the silence while the whole world is watching.
If you want out, get out now.
As for the rest of us, we will be disrupting a chuck mangione concert.
With kazoos.
Why kazoos, hank? Because they're portable, they're annoying, and mega lo mart has them for $3 a case.
We'll be just like queer nation.
Or the boston tea party.
(all) yes, the boston tea party.
(hank) exactly! ? Uncle hank yes? I had a lot of time to think while I was unflushing aunt peggy's keys.
And I would like you to know that I'm not mad at you anymore for taking my job.
I was the better candidate.
Oh, sure, sure.
Um Can you give me a ride to the mega lo mart in the mornin'? I'm going to break up with buckley.
As of tomorrow, your boss is no longer my boyfriend.
[brakes squealing.]
why don't you get us a spot, peggy? I've got a little business to take care of.
I know, hank.
I saw your bag of kazoos, and I put 2 and 2 together after 15 years of teaching, I know a mutiny when I see one.
Don't try to stop me, peggy.
[yelling.]
hank! Yeah? Remember, honey, to hum, not blow! If you blow, it tears the wax paper! I'll tell 'em.
Hank, where's your kazoo? I got somethin' bigger in store for Mr.
Charles mangione.
[people chattering.]
i'm breakin' up with you! Do you know why? Chicken thigh? Don't make this harder than it already is.
[gas hissing.]
[honking.]
[audience cheering.]
how are you doing, arlen? Are you ready to soft rock? [cheering.]
[horn blowing.]
[kazoos buzzing.]
[crowd exclaiming.]
i-is that their new slogan? huh? [sniffs.]
oh, no! [hissing.]
[woman screaming.]
[people screaming.]
[screaming.]
hank! [screaming.]
chuck! Buckley and luanne are in there! Hey, man, is this 9-1-1? I'm dang ol' here at mega lo mart, man.
It's gone boom, there's a fire there.
And dadgum--dadgum blowed everywhere, man.
I don't know.
Some man run out of there.
I don't know if chuck mangione gonna be coming here-- (woman officer) sir, you're going to have to speak more slowly.
I can't understand you.
Dang ol' mega lo mart Talking about dang ol' Dang, it's boom! ??[rock 'n' roll music playing.]
(stefani) shut up! [giggling.]