King of the Hill s09e08 Episode Script

Yep.
Yup.
What the?! Hey, man, don't Don't sting me! Dale, what the heck are you doing with bees? Some guy hired me to clear them out of his attic.
I was gonna kill 'em, but how could I? Just look at 'em.
Aren't they adorable? I guess they are kind of cute.
And they're entrepreneurs.
These babies make honey.
And honey is money, my friend.
What do you know about beekeeping? I know how to keep them from crawling up my nose.
Phnyeah.
The Clones are coming, Master Joseph.
We must reach Jedi Council.
Oh, no, the landing bay door is closing! Oh, uh, use the Force to roll under the door.
( panting, grunting ) ( crash ) Easy now, fellas.
Nothing.
( sighs ) Dang it, Bobby.
You bent the track.
You fix bent stuff all the time, though, right? I can't fix this, I have to get a new one.
Which means I'll have to file an insurance claim.
Really? So anytime you break something, insurance gets you a new one? Hey, if you back the car into my bike, we can get a new car and a new bike.
No, Bobby, it doesn't work that way.
Insurance is a safety net woven from the trust between the policy holder and the guarantor.
Insurance only covers accidents.
Accident.
Got ya.
( clicks tongue ) On our way to the outlets tomorrow, I was thinking, Luanne and I could stop for lunch at the Shoney's off Exit-25.
( sighs heavily ) What, you don't like that one? No, it's a good Shoney's.
I'm just so frustrated with Bobby.
He thinks insurance is some magic fairy who just waves her wand and makes teenage jack-assery disappear.
Her wand? Huh, I always think of insurance as a boy.
Welcome to the Gribble Honey Bucket.
You are about to witness how Mother Nature turns a profit.
Gentlemen, don your helmets.
( clanking ) ( sighs ) I'm on my way.
I've struck gold.
Yummy, sticky gold.
Okay, Dad, the ladies are finally out of our hair.
What's first, a matinee or putt-putt golf? I thought we'd have a talk about responsibility.
( deflated ): Oh.
Now, since you were horsing around and broke the garage door, you're going to have to take care of it.
Wait, you said insurance was taking care of it.
The claim settlement won't just come down the chimney like Santa Claus.
Someone has to make the calls and file the papers.
That's me, right? I want you to know our policy inside and out before you call Mitch Watson down at the insurance agency.
Don't waste his time, he'll hang up on you.
How much are you gonna charge for your honey, Dale? These people pay five dollars for a carton of filthy mushrooms, so what do you think, $100? $150? So where do you want me? Gone.
The ladies with their trendy scarves and fancy coffees won't come near this place with you hanging around.
You're absolutely right.
Come and get your freshly secreted honey! Don't be put off by Irwin Allen's The Swarm or the tedious Peter Fonda film Ulee's Gold.
Look, Alison, bees.
I heard Jenna Elfman on Access Hollywood talking about how you can cure anything with the venom from bee stings.
Bee stings? Yeah, bee stings? My nutritionist says it stimulates your body's natural healing response.
A friend of mine used it during childbirth instead of an epidural.
How many stings do I get for $150? Uh, mm, um, well, the going rate is, uh 12? That's a really good deal.
Mm-hmm, it really is.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so, do you want to get up on the table? Or would you rather have me shake it up and dump some out on you? I'm still hungry.
You wanna do another lap? Interest you fellas in a fried banana? You can fry a banana? But it's fruit.
Here, just try one.
Oh, this banana's delicious.
The monkeys must never find out.
HANK: Okay, last question.
Our policy is an HO-A Plus.
What does it cover? All major perils except sinkhole, nuclear accident and war.
I think you're ready for Mitch.
I'll listen in.
If Mitch asks, tell him this call is being monitored for quality assurance.
( takes deep breath ) ( Indian accent ): Hello, this is Plainsman Insurance.
This call may be monitored for quality assurance.
Good afternoon.
My name is Robert Hill, policy number G-75-658.
May I please speak to Mitch? Mitch is not here.
Okay, then.
Thanks.
Uh, this is Hank Hill, policy holder.
When will Mitch be back? Uh, he is in the 'loo.
Bathroom.
Bathroom.
And according to our records, your policy has been canceled for non-payment.
Canceled? Listen here, I have never missed a payment.
I'm coming down there right now so I can straighten this out.
Tell Mitch I'm on my way.
Plainsman's customer service operations have been moved to a central call center so we may serve you more efficiently.
I'll be happy to help you.
Just give me your new address.
And remember, we're all being monitored here.
Actually, Mr.
Hill, uh, we are in Bangalore, India.
India? No wonder you guys lost my payment.
I demand to speak to your supervisor.
Please hold.
Bobby, grab my checkbook.
I'm gonna kick this guy's ass over the phone.
Hello, am I speaking to the gentleman with the delinquent account? No, listen, there's been a mistake.
I sent you my payment on on, uh Bwah! I'm sorry, could you repeat that? Dad, if we go to India to straighten this out, can I ride an elephant? Just, just give me a second.
Bobby, sit down.
All right, here's where we're at.
I made a big big mistake.
We've got no insurance.
Okay.
Bobby, don't you realize how important this is? All our policies have lapsed.
Our house, everything in it, our vehicles Nothing is protected.
The safety net's gone gone.
I hear the words you're saying.
And I believe you believe it's important Dang it, don't you get it?! We've Okay, okay Nothing good happens when a homeowner panics.
Now, we need a plan.
I'll overnight a check to Plainsman.
That way, we'll be covered again as of Monday morning.
But we've still got to make it through the next 36 hours.
Hey, we could go to Six Flags and get a two-day pass.
Ooh, I think they call it a Twicket.
No.
We have to stay home and keep an eye on the house.
Here's what we're going to do: I'll inspect and secure the house's vital systems starting with the plumbing, while you test all the smoke alarms.
All right.
Just let me make some toast.
No toast.
Not until I check the circuitry.
Now, I'd better call your mother and tell her to stay put.
While I'm gone, don't cook anything, flush anything or turn anything on.
Not insured?! That's terrible.
No, you're right, we can't risk it.
Okay, we won't drive.
Are you serious? I promise we won't drive.
Well, Luanne, it turns out we are uninsured, so your Uncle Hank wants us to stay here until everything's straightened out.
But I don't want to stay here.
Oh, what if we just drive home really, really, really, really fast? That way we won't be on the road as long.
No, Luanne.
If something happened, we couldn't afford another car.
So we'll just stay here and make the best of it.
We just have to be creative.
From now on, ( monster voice ): let's talk like this! ( giggles ) It's true.
Bee venom is the penicillin of the 21st century.
It cures everything from toothaches to ADD.
Isn't that right, young Joseph? Uh, my head hurt, but now it doesn't.
Step right up and tell me what ails you.
My neck's kind of stiff.
Eight bee stings.
You? I feel fine.
Six bee stings.
You? Planter's wart.
Ew! 13 bee stings.
( approving murmur ) How come Mom's not allowed to come home? Weren't you listening, Bobby? This is serious.
We've all got to do our part to get through this weekend.
Have you checked the smoke alarm in the hallway? No, but it's just a hallway.
There's nothing there to catch on fire.
A hallway is the expressway flames use to spread to the rest of the house.
Maybe that's just something the guy at Mega-Lo-Mart told you so you'd buy more smoke detectors? Dang it, Bobby, this isn't about some sales pitch.
Fire can burn down a house like that, and our equity's gone.
15 years of house payments for nothing, because without insurance we couldn't afford to rebuild.
Huh? We'd have to set up a tent on the ashes of what used to be this house.
A tent? Where would I put all my clothes in a tent? Oh, your clothes would be gone, Bobby.
You'd have to wear the clothes that Reverend Stroup collects for poor people at the church.
Toughskins? Yep.
And it's not just fire, it's tornadoes, lightning, golf ball-sized hail that can destroy everything we've got.
Now, why don't you go and check the strapping on the water heater.
Texas hasn't had a major earthquake in 165 years.
We're due.
It's so much better frying at home.
I can eat fried bananas while looking at Hank's house.
Really? Fry a candy bar? That's crazy.
Okay! ( whimpers ) Take it out! Take it out! Ooh! Hot.
Hot.
So good.
Burning! Oh! Chocolate choc Mmm If we can fry a candy bar, we can fry anything! ( deep, gruff voice ): Isn't it a beautiful night, Aunt Peggy? Luanne, just stop it! Well, I'm getting hungry, and unless you want to go hunt a squirrel, I guess we are eating at the vending machine.
( groans ): I only have 20s.
Do you have anything smaller? I only have n-nothing.
( chittering ) ( sighs ) ( doorbell rings ) Yeah, I got this box of bees for Dale Gribble, but no one's home.
Mind if I leave it with you? Dad? Situation at the front door.
Coming! Can I help you? Yeah, your neighbor, he bought these ten pounds of bees from me.
I was gonna leave it there, but ain't no one home, so I was hoping I could leave it over here.
Mind I leave it here? ( buzzing ) Y-You're gonna have to go.
This, too.
Okay, good job calling me, Bobby, but the next time, don't even open the door.
It's our last line of defense.
I know the mat says "Welcome," but Actually, I better pick that up.
( Bill munching ) If everybody fried their food, there would be no war.
Mm-hmm.
What shall we try next, Boomhauer? Tell you what, man, talkin' 'bout dang ol' fried fried chicken, man.
Fried chicken refried? Damn.
So hot and good.
I wonder if more heat would make it more good? Tell you what, man, talkin' 'bout, dang 'ol mo' hotter, mo' better, man.
Whatcha doing? Frying.
( gasps, screams ) My favorite arm! It looks pretty bad, Dale.
Do you need to go to the doctor? One doctor? I'm gonna go to about 2,000 buzzing ones.
( stomach growling ) Stop it, stomach! You're scaring me! Aunt Peggy, did you find change? No.
But it's been 18 hours, and we need to eat.
Now, pick up the back end of this branch.
We're going in.
Three, two, one.
Soup's on! ( loud, long grunt ) ( exhausted sigh ) ( yells ) ( gasps ): Yes! BILL: We buried the needle, Boomhauer! We're frying where no man has fried before! A cold beer is going to taste so good with this scalding hot fish.
Oops! Oh! Ooh Ooh ( squeaky gasp ) ( gasps ): I want insurance! How's your shoulder? I could use a Coke.
( Luanne yells ) ( loud thud, pained gasp ) Root beer? One more sting and my treatment will be complete.
And cured.
Okay, Joseph, take that stick and poke me in my once-again robust arm.
( grunting ) See, I don't feel a thing.
Wait a minute.
I don't feel a thing! Your venom did nothing! You betrayed me! Well, you may have destroyed my arm, but my legs are still feeble yet functional! Oh.
( screaming ) ( makes light saber sounds ) ( gasps ) Bobby, open the door! The bees are coming! Dad! Situation! Bobby, quick! Help me! Sorry, Mr.
Gribble! You're a potential property hazard! Come back Monday! ( screams ) Open up! ( screaming ) ( loud rock plays ) ( loud rock plays ) Bobby, why the heck's the radio so loud? Mr.
Gribble ran over, screaming for help! ( Dale screaming ) DALE: For the love of God, Bobby, have mercy! ( screaming ) Oh, God! Bobby, why didn't you help him?! Why didn't you call 911?! I was securing the perimeter! Yeah, I'd like to report a man being chased by a swarm of bees.
I see.
The emergency vehicles are all tied up.
Good.
The last thing we need are fire trucks and ambulances racing over here.
They'd probably take that corner too fast and bam, right in the living room.
( Dale screaming ) ( rock music plays ) ( music stops ) Come on.
Dale's in trouble.
We need to go out there.
Out there?! With the bees and the hail and the A-bombs? Bobby, I think you're getting a little carried away.
( sighs ) And I guess I pushed you there.
I didn't mean to scare you, son.
Sure, I wish we had insurance.
Because there is a chance something bad could happen to the house if we leave it.
But something bad is definitely gonna happen to Dale if we don' t.
( Dale screaming, metallic clunk ) If we go outside, are you sure everything will be okay? There's nothing out there we can't handle.
I promise.
( sighing ) Okay, Dad.
Good Lord.
( sighing ) Where are you going, Bobby? This is not a big deal.
It's just a little fire.
And more bees than I remembered.
Hey, Dale! Run to your van! ( screaming ) There, no problem.
Now, Dale's arm looked pretty bad, so we should make sure he's okay.
Fire! Good eye, Bobby.
We can easily put that out with some potting soil.
Heh, did you ever think you'd see a fire in the alley? Kind of funny when you think about it, isn't it? ( nervous chuckle ) Yeah, funny.
( whimpering and grunting ) Dang ol', man! ( Bill screaming ) ( grunting ) ( screaming ) Mr.
Dauterive's on fire! That'll happen.
Roll, Bill, roll! ( Bobby gasps ) Just flaming potatoes, Bobby.
Why don't we put those out? Joseph, I'm having some sort of reaction.
But I'm only allergic to shellfish and bees.
Joseph, I Huh.
You never were here, were you? This could be bad.
Mouth is so dry.
( Dale groaning ) ( Dale groaning ) ( groaning ) ( groaning ) ( groaning ) Hank, I don't feel so good.
That's why we're gonna take you to the hospital.
Come on.
Let's go.
Boomhauer, Bill's flared up again! HANK: Kick some dirt on him! Dang 'ol, man, I dang 'ol got it, man.
Stupid bees.
Look at that big purple one trying to get in.
Okay, let's get you to the hospital.
That wasn't so bad.
But I'll feel a lot better when our coverage kicks in.
Yep, you're going to make a great homeowner someday.
HANK: Hey, how'd you like to help adjust the deductible on our umbrella policy? BOBBY: Would I! We'll call India in the morning.
( phone rings ) ( recorded message ): The Hills are away from the phone.
Please leave a message and we'll get back to you.
( beep ) PEGGY: Hank, it's me.
Please tell us we have insurance so Luanne and I can come home.
I am so sick of eating junk food.
Oh, oh good, the police are here.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
No! No, Officer, the vending machine was on its side when we found it! BILL: The monkeys must never find out.