King Star King (2013) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
1 12 trillion years before the alleged big bang lived King Star King, the greatest hero who ever was, is, or shall be.
Ha ha! Felicitations are in order for me, pooza! Tonight I declare my love for the princess Snow White.
Wow! Smart move, boss! I stop you, King Star King.
For today I take your soul! Silence, devil death chimp! I expunge your rotting face.
Aah! Rings from the ears of death.
Can there be a more romantic gift? Sexually pure free of guilt free of taint unfiddled with skin like milk For you, Snow White, the earrings of death himself! King Star King, I'm naked! Uh Hm, so you are.
Blblblblblblbblblblblbl.
Ooh! Hail, God star God! King Star King is gazing upon the erotic nakedness of your daughter in the royal lavatory! Raah! Raah?! Naked?! Raaaaaaaaah! Blblblblblblbl.
King Star King, you rotten, stinking pervertophile! I erase your memory and exile you from this really cool place! Forever! King Star King's mind was erased.
He was exiled from the heavenly realm and magically teleported into a dumpster behind an all-night waffle restaurant located in the krudzone, a place filled with diseased women, terrible food, and some monsters.
Fat man breakfast special side of bacon, two over easy! Fat man breakfast special side of bacon, let it be so! What the hell? Holy piss bucket, it's Snow White in my waffle joint! Welcome to Hank's waffles, princess Snow White, your majesty.
What brings you down to the krudzone with us repulsive krudzonians? We've been searching for someone for a long time.
You don't know of King Star King, do you? King Star King? In this fart hole? Hey, big boobs, fill up the princess' water glass.
You seem you seem sad.
How'bout a waffle? How rude of me.
This is your livelihood.
Yes, kind sir, your best waffle.
One supreme waffle platter now, and make it hot! It's for a mother[Bleep.]
Princess! Order up! It can't be! I've searched the gigantiverse for you! Madam, my eggs are burning.
Don't you remember? Perhaps this will help.
I'm starting to remember.
My memory was erased.
Fwee! Raaaah! I am King Star King, and you are my bride! It seems a fairy-tale ending is in order.
But princesses should never wander into the krudzone, for when they do, they are no longer protected by their royal realm.
Give me one order of fine royal poonani to go! It's that spring bunny the Duke of wrong! Right you were, mega melons.
Spring bunny? What do you want? Get your hoochie over here, Snow White.
Unhand Snow White, evil bunny, for I am king King Star King! Oomf! Next stop, virgin-powered evil robot! Have an easter egg King Star King.
Mother[Bleep.]
! Oh, I'm bleeding.
Almost dead.
Help! I summon my galactic royal enchantments and sortileges.
Extrude these bullets! And ameliorate my wounds! Yeah, do that to me, please.
At least stop the bleeding.
Take heart, Hank waffles.
We can save the princess.
I must agglomerate a team of incredible heroes! I summon pooza the wizard! Zwing! King Star King, where have you been all these years?! It is a prolonged abnormal tale, old friend pooza, magic chum.
Can you save this lonely human and make him unscathed as before? Yes, please.
Just make me unscathed.
Magic! Magic! Magic! Put the soul of Hank waffles into his beloved waffle mascot and leave his cretinous human shell behind! I like my cretinous human shell, please.
Wazoo! Wazoo! Aaaaaaah! What the hell?! Ha ha! Now you are a hero! Aah! This is a nightmare! I'm watching myself be devoured by maggots! [Bleep.]
You! You ruined my restaurant! You turned me into a big-headed freak with no testicles! Welcome to the team! There is no time to lose! Pooza, spring bunny has captured Snow White.
We must summon gurbles, my flying robot bear.
Magic! Hey, gurbles, welcome.
Get this mother[Bleep.]
thing off of me! He thinks you are a real waffle.
What a jocular team I have assembled! Gurbles, sit! Come, Hank waffle.
Ooh! You! Did you see how many people that rabbit killed? I'm out of here! Not every time is a time for horseplay, Hank waffles.
Ooooh! Now think.
Where could spring bunny be? Snow White, are you ready? Here we go! Look, the schizoid robot of death, scrod! Meanwhile, this bunny was using the princess for a very evil plan! I need your virgin sweetness to power him.
Her virginity powered the robot.
And why? To get the crown of God! Never mind.
Aaah! Ooh, ooh, ooh! This chair will use your virginity to power scrod! Ooh! You are a virgin, right? Yes.
Good.
You know it's better to be honest now than to have it come out later.
Yes! Great! Ooooooh! Now let's power up scrod so I can get to the crown of God.
Aaaah! Now I feel the power of God! Wah-hee-hee-hee! That robot requires a virgin fuel source, but who could it be? Snow White! I know what spring bunny is after the crown of God! God star God, you just lost your job star job.
My crown! I need that to run the univ aah! I'll take that and become God myself! No crown for you, spring bunny! Instead I will destroy you! King Star King?! Hank, you occupy scrod! I don't care.
Let him win.
If we don't defeat spring bunny's robot, he'll conquer the universe! No, it's [Bleep.]
eating me.
Aaah! Outstanding, Hank waffles! Keep his mouth busy! Stop this insane quest, bunny.
King Star King! Aah! I must destroy his virgin fuel source by having sex with Snow White! King Star King! Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Who are these strange heroes?! They returned my crown and restored my godhood! Snow White?! God star God.
You are not a virgin! Father! You wear the mustache of shame! I had to, father, to save the crown.
Graaah! Aaaaah! Snow whi-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-te! King Star King, I will blast you! Snow whi-I-I-I-te! And so, God star God left our heroes to hunt the gigantiverse for the now-mustached Snow White!
Ha ha! Felicitations are in order for me, pooza! Tonight I declare my love for the princess Snow White.
Wow! Smart move, boss! I stop you, King Star King.
For today I take your soul! Silence, devil death chimp! I expunge your rotting face.
Aah! Rings from the ears of death.
Can there be a more romantic gift? Sexually pure free of guilt free of taint unfiddled with skin like milk For you, Snow White, the earrings of death himself! King Star King, I'm naked! Uh Hm, so you are.
Blblblblblblbblblblblbl.
Ooh! Hail, God star God! King Star King is gazing upon the erotic nakedness of your daughter in the royal lavatory! Raah! Raah?! Naked?! Raaaaaaaaah! Blblblblblblbl.
King Star King, you rotten, stinking pervertophile! I erase your memory and exile you from this really cool place! Forever! King Star King's mind was erased.
He was exiled from the heavenly realm and magically teleported into a dumpster behind an all-night waffle restaurant located in the krudzone, a place filled with diseased women, terrible food, and some monsters.
Fat man breakfast special side of bacon, two over easy! Fat man breakfast special side of bacon, let it be so! What the hell? Holy piss bucket, it's Snow White in my waffle joint! Welcome to Hank's waffles, princess Snow White, your majesty.
What brings you down to the krudzone with us repulsive krudzonians? We've been searching for someone for a long time.
You don't know of King Star King, do you? King Star King? In this fart hole? Hey, big boobs, fill up the princess' water glass.
You seem you seem sad.
How'bout a waffle? How rude of me.
This is your livelihood.
Yes, kind sir, your best waffle.
One supreme waffle platter now, and make it hot! It's for a mother[Bleep.]
Princess! Order up! It can't be! I've searched the gigantiverse for you! Madam, my eggs are burning.
Don't you remember? Perhaps this will help.
I'm starting to remember.
My memory was erased.
Fwee! Raaaah! I am King Star King, and you are my bride! It seems a fairy-tale ending is in order.
But princesses should never wander into the krudzone, for when they do, they are no longer protected by their royal realm.
Give me one order of fine royal poonani to go! It's that spring bunny the Duke of wrong! Right you were, mega melons.
Spring bunny? What do you want? Get your hoochie over here, Snow White.
Unhand Snow White, evil bunny, for I am king King Star King! Oomf! Next stop, virgin-powered evil robot! Have an easter egg King Star King.
Mother[Bleep.]
! Oh, I'm bleeding.
Almost dead.
Help! I summon my galactic royal enchantments and sortileges.
Extrude these bullets! And ameliorate my wounds! Yeah, do that to me, please.
At least stop the bleeding.
Take heart, Hank waffles.
We can save the princess.
I must agglomerate a team of incredible heroes! I summon pooza the wizard! Zwing! King Star King, where have you been all these years?! It is a prolonged abnormal tale, old friend pooza, magic chum.
Can you save this lonely human and make him unscathed as before? Yes, please.
Just make me unscathed.
Magic! Magic! Magic! Put the soul of Hank waffles into his beloved waffle mascot and leave his cretinous human shell behind! I like my cretinous human shell, please.
Wazoo! Wazoo! Aaaaaaah! What the hell?! Ha ha! Now you are a hero! Aah! This is a nightmare! I'm watching myself be devoured by maggots! [Bleep.]
You! You ruined my restaurant! You turned me into a big-headed freak with no testicles! Welcome to the team! There is no time to lose! Pooza, spring bunny has captured Snow White.
We must summon gurbles, my flying robot bear.
Magic! Hey, gurbles, welcome.
Get this mother[Bleep.]
thing off of me! He thinks you are a real waffle.
What a jocular team I have assembled! Gurbles, sit! Come, Hank waffle.
Ooh! You! Did you see how many people that rabbit killed? I'm out of here! Not every time is a time for horseplay, Hank waffles.
Ooooh! Now think.
Where could spring bunny be? Snow White, are you ready? Here we go! Look, the schizoid robot of death, scrod! Meanwhile, this bunny was using the princess for a very evil plan! I need your virgin sweetness to power him.
Her virginity powered the robot.
And why? To get the crown of God! Never mind.
Aaah! Ooh, ooh, ooh! This chair will use your virginity to power scrod! Ooh! You are a virgin, right? Yes.
Good.
You know it's better to be honest now than to have it come out later.
Yes! Great! Ooooooh! Now let's power up scrod so I can get to the crown of God.
Aaaah! Now I feel the power of God! Wah-hee-hee-hee! That robot requires a virgin fuel source, but who could it be? Snow White! I know what spring bunny is after the crown of God! God star God, you just lost your job star job.
My crown! I need that to run the univ aah! I'll take that and become God myself! No crown for you, spring bunny! Instead I will destroy you! King Star King?! Hank, you occupy scrod! I don't care.
Let him win.
If we don't defeat spring bunny's robot, he'll conquer the universe! No, it's [Bleep.]
eating me.
Aaah! Outstanding, Hank waffles! Keep his mouth busy! Stop this insane quest, bunny.
King Star King! Aah! I must destroy his virgin fuel source by having sex with Snow White! King Star King! Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Who are these strange heroes?! They returned my crown and restored my godhood! Snow White?! God star God.
You are not a virgin! Father! You wear the mustache of shame! I had to, father, to save the crown.
Graaah! Aaaaah! Snow whi-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-te! King Star King, I will blast you! Snow whi-I-I-I-te! And so, God star God left our heroes to hunt the gigantiverse for the now-mustached Snow White!