Knight Squad (2018) s01e09 Episode Script

Do the Knight Thing

1 [GRUNTS OF COMBAT.]
[GRUNTS OF COMBAT CONTINUE.]
Ah! Man, Sage is angrier than usual.
I win.
Ha! Yeah.
Ha, ha, ha.
That's right Thanks to the crouching cacti move I taught you.
Oh, please, I did the hard part.
All you did was the teaching part.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
Did I hear you? Do you think teaching is easy? Yes.
STUDENTS: [GASPING.]
Uh, yes, I don't.
Teaching is not easy! Go take some laps and think about what you said.
All right.
Let's go, Buttercup, - if I'm running - Then I'm skipping.
[GIGGLING.]
[WHOOSHING.]
It's Sorceress Spitzalot.
Spit shields, up! [WHOOSHING.]
[SPITTING.]
Salutations, Knight Schoolers.
There's too much spit.
Our shields aren't gonna hold.
Spitzy, why are you here? [SPITTING.]
Due to a magical mishap, the Spitzalot School of Sorcery sank to the bottom Loogie Lake.
I'm sorry.
I'll send you some snot-proof socks.
Here we go.
Bye-bye.
I was hoping you'd share your school with a few of my students for a while.
Well, our schools are rivals.
But the knights' code says to help those in need.
You can stay.
I'll just order some more towels.
[SPITTING.]
Splendid! Say hello to my star students, Team Hex! [MAGIC POOFS.]
Hi! I'm Ciara.
This is Arc, Warwick and Prudy.
We're the Phoenix Squad.
I'm Sebastian.
Yes, that Sebastian.
He's a three-time Most Valuable Sorcerer.
Oh, Violet, stop.
Bragging about me is my job.
You may be the best sorcerer in your school, but Warwick is the best in this school.
We heard all about you choosing knight school over our school.
You really punched the pooch on that one.
Now, now, Violet.
I'm sure they're all going to become fantastic knights Even this one whose arms are clearly too long for his body.
Anyway, it was nice meeting you all Especially you, Chiaro.
Her name is Ciara.
My apologies, Kudy.
So, we hate them, right? It's fine.
It's a big castle.
We'll probably never see them.
Uh, Team Hex will be staying in your Squad Room for the next few weeks.
Okay.
So, we'll see them every day.
Yeah yeah yeah hey What are you doing here, Buttercup? I asked Sage to come.
But she's my BFF.
We're ride or die.
Yeah, I don't know what that means, but but you get down with your bad self.
Uh-huh.
So, why am I here? Well, since you think teaching is easy, you're going to teach children who want to be knights one day.
[SCOFFS.]
Kids? That's gonna be a piece of cake.
[LAUGHING.]
Okay.
[CONTINUES LAUGHING.]
Meet the Knighty Knights! KIDS: [SHOUTING.]
Aw, those kids are so adorable.
Hey, cutie-pies! Can it, lady! Knighty Knights, assemble! KIDS: [GROANING LOUDLY.]
Students, this is your teacher for the day, Ms.
Sage.
This is Brea, Georgie, Punchie and Bitie.
New teacher, I brought you a present.
Ooh, I like presents.
Give it to me.
Okay.
[STOMPS FOOT.]
OTHERS: [LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
Good luck, Teach.
I don't need luck.
I won't let these little monsters get to me.
Knighty Knight salute! KIDS: [BLOWING RASPBERRIES.]
[LAUGHING.]
I don't know what that hurts so much, but it does! [MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
All right, it's unfair we have to share our room with Team Hex.
And it's mean how they made fun of Arc's long arms.
Yeah.
My nana says they make for perfect hugs.
[MAGIC POOFS.]
Remember, knights help those in need.
Make yourselves at home.
[SCOFFS.]
Thank you, Chalupa.
You know that's not my name! Violet, poof in our things.
Vidatour sorcee stuffee! [MAGIC POOFS.]
My toe! Okay, when she said, "make yourselves at home," this isn't what she meant, right, Chalupa? I mean, Ciara.
All right, get rid of this garbage.
Violet, you heard the man.
Get rid of the garbage.
Begoneth Phoenix Squadeth! [MAGIC POOFS.]
[MAGIC POOFS.]
we were the garbage.
Oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Hey! Oh oh oh oh oh Oh oh oh oh Oh oh Hey! Oh, we will be heroes We are the Knight Squad Hey! Oh oh oh, hey Oh oh oh, hey Team Hex took over our room.
Feast your eyeball on this.
Well, my eyeball sees that nothing has changed.
Sir Gareth, the Phoenix Squad won't share this room.
We hung a portrait of our beloved Sorceress Spitzalot, and they turned it into Sorceress 'Stashalot.
And we were so sweet to them.
That's what hurts the most.
SIR GARETH: Oh Spitzy, these accusations do not sound like my students.
Well, my students wouldn't lie to me.
Sebastian's the son I've always wished for, and Violet is always standing next to him.
Then she's standing next to a big, old meany head.
Ooh, that's a ten burn! I'm surprised you can count that high.
PHOENIX SQUAD: [LAUGHING.]
Oh, we can count all the numbers! One, two, three, five, six! I know I forgot four! I'm just really upset! ALL: [SHOUTING MIXED COMMENTS.]
[MAGIC POOFS.]
SIR GARETH: [HORN BLARING.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Clearly this situation is not working out.
Sir Gareth, we must go to the king so he can resolve this matter.
[MAGIC POOFS.]
Game over.
The king loves Sorceress Spitzalot.
She'll poof in some magic pizza for him, and this Squad Room will be ours.
Come on, Team Hex, let's go to the training yard and accidentally throw their equipment over the cliff.
[MAGIC POOFS.]
Guys, we have to catch them.
Arc, we've gotta do something to get Team Hex out of our room.
We've gotta get them out of our school.
As long as they're here, our lives are gonna be miserable.
You're right.
We take knight school underground.
We train in the dark.
Or we get the princess to talk to the king.
Daughter outweighs pizza, right? Oh, it depends on how hungry he is.
[MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
KIDS: [SHOUTING.]
For some reason, these kids would rather have fun than follow the rules.
Know what? I've had it.
No more Miss Nice Sage.
[GONG RINGS.]
Sage School is now in session.
- Knighty Knights, line up! - [SPEAR THUDS.]
I told Sir Gareth teaching was easy.
All I needed was a big scary stick! - Stand at attention! - [SPEAR THUDS.]
You all look weak! You need uniforms.
[LAUGHING.]
Yes.
They look like three little Sages.
And she's a little Butt.
[GIGGLING.]
BOTH: [GIGGLING.]
[MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
The king's about to arrive and tell us his decision.
Where's Ciara? Uh, well, she wanted to be here, but she Stop talking, Arc.
The princess is here.
Enjoy the magic pizza, Your Majesty.
Every time you take a bite, it grows back.
[GASPS.]
Oh [LAUGHING.]
This is the happiest I've ever been in my life! Whatever.
I never liked the Squad Room anyway.
I'm lying! I love it more than goblins love pie! [GASPING.]
Relax, all right? I've got a feeling that the king's decision will make us very happy.
Have you made a decision, Your Majesty? Oh, before you decide, I'd like to say something, since I barely know what's going on, and don't have any favorites.
Well, Sweetums, please tell me your unbiased opinion.
It doesn't matter who gets the Squad Room because these two schools have been rivals for years.
There's no way they can share the school.
But sharing is caring.
How would you feel if you had to share your pizza with Sir Gareth? Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
I'd sooner let him starve.
I've slayed like four dragons for you.
Then you should be able to get your own pizza! The point is some things aren't meant to be shared.
Your pizza logic has convinced me.
[CHUCKLES.]
This school will not be shared.
ALL: Yes! Instead, Phoenix Squad and Team Hex will battle for the school.
ALL: No! Winners stay.
Losers move to Loogie Lake.
So, wait, we're gonna lose our school now? How did that happen? Not with my involvement, that's for sure.
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Guys, we're totally gonna win that battle.
But on the off-chance that we do lose the school, what are we gonna do? We can't let Team Hex win.
The princess isn't into long-distance relationships.
I assume since we've never spoken.
All right, more importantly, I have several months of memories here.
Oh, no, now I'm crying.
But if you cry, I'm gonna cry.
Oh, here come the giant tears.
Guys, knights don't cry.
[MAGIC POOFS.]
Guess we should call Phoenix Squad the Baby Squad.
Oh, go easy on them, Violet.
They're about to lose their school.
We are totally keeping this sweet foosball table.
We're not gonna lose our school because we're gonna work hard and win that competition.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh, working hard.
That is so cute.
You see, we don't have to work hard.
We can use magic for anything Especially winning.
[GIGGLING EVILLY.]
Did he just giggle evilly? That's just how he giggles.
I do it, too.
BOTH: [GIGGLING EVILLY.]
[MAGIC POOFS.]
Guys, they're totally gonna cheat.
I know because innocent people giggle like this.
[HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING.]
But cheaters giggle like this.
[LOWER-PITCHED GIGGLING.]
Do you hear the difference? [HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING.]
[LOWER-PITCHED GIGGLING.]
I'm starting to hear it.
Keep it going.
Or he could just get to the point.
Okay, look, Team Hex is a bunch of cheating cheaters, so, if they're gonna cheat, we should cheat.
To be clear, let's cheat.
We can't do that.
We have to stay true to the knights' code.
[GROANS.]
Fine.
We'll do the right thing.
But just in case they win, I'm licking every handle on that foosball table.
Hey Hey hey hey hey hey Georgie, first rule of Sage School! [SPEAR THUDS.]
If you're not in our squad, you're an enemy.
- Correct! Brea, second rule! - [SPEAR THUDS.]
Do whatever you can to take out your enemy.
Correct! Dang, I am a great teacher.
- Clap for me.
- [SPEAR THUDS.]
KIDS: [CLAPPING.]
Now clap for Buttercup because she is delightful.
- [SPEAR THUDS.]
- KIDS: [CLAPPING.]
Well, I will be in the teachers' lounge drinking your juice boxes.
Bye-bye! Good job, guys.
[GIGGLING.]
Miss Sage said to take out our enemies, right? Yep! And if you're not on our squad, you're an enemy? Yeppity-yep.
So, that makes you and Miss Sage our enemies? I guess so.
Why do you ask? No reason.
[MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
Welcome to the battle for knight school.
First team to win two out of three events stays.
Losers get Loogied.
For the first event, each team will yank on a large rope trying to pull the other team into a pit full of swamp slugs.
It's called The Slug of War.
Let me guess.
You named it? Pretty good, right? Sure.
See, Arc, we don't have to cheat.
There's no way we're gonna lose a Slug of War with a powerful giant on our team.
I could probably use one hand.
Sorcerers have no upper body strength.
It's true.
But, thanks to all the hand waving, we have very strong wrists.
Just so you know, once we take this school, we're going to knock down everything you love, and poof in some new stuff.
Yeah, we're gonna poof all over this place.
[SPITTING.]
Students! - Grab your ropes! - I It's like you're doing it on purpose.
And begin! [GASPS.]
Uh-oh, they're winning.
Not for long.
Invisibility pushy-wushy.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Oh! Something's pushing me! - What? - And I can't stop it! Oh, no! Ah, swamp bugs! They're everywhere! I've got slugbrows.
Success! Sorcerers take round one.
Looks like we pushed our way into first place.
You mean "pulled," right? Of course, Sorceress.
Did you hear that? Those cheating cheaters cheated.
Guys, if we lose the next battle, we lose the school.
We have to do something.
This is where Ciara says that we have to behave and follow the knights' code.
Forget the code.
We have to cheat! I don't know where Ciara went, but I like you.
Oh oh oh Yeah Okay, for the next event, we're gonna have to break down a large wooden door using a battering ram.
This is how we're going to cheat.
Ooh, how about we put honey in their shoes, so they get chased by bears? Man, I'm good at this.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, maybe.
But I think that we should probably Oh, I know! Before the event, we'll hug each member of Team Hex for a really long time.
Then they'll care about us too much to cheat.
What? [CLAPS HANDS.]
I've got it.
We hug them while bears lick their honey shoes.
Boom! Synergy [PALM SLAP.]
Okay, none of these things are cheating.
They're just weird things.
[SCOFFING.]
And I guess you have a better plan.
Yes, I do.
Okay, last week, Warwick used a roasting spell on our hot dogs.
Delish, by the way.
He could roast their battering ram making it so hot, they couldn't touch it.
Uh, how's that gonna work with the honey shoes? We're not doing the honey shoes! [MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
Miss Sage, Sir Gareth is coming and he looks real mad.
But why? I didn't do anything.
Yeah, I did a lot of stuff.
Wait here, I'll get rid of him.
Oh, thanks, Brea.
I'm gonna let you keep your juice box tomorrow.
Ooh, under these leaves, there's a mystery net.
What? KIDS: [LAUGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, ha, ha.
Put me down! I am your teacher! And I'm Buttercup.
But you're not members of our squad, so you're an enemy.
And you taught us to do whatever we can to take out an enemy.
You've been taken out! [PALM SLAP.]
Well, you trapped us.
But I would have taken it a step further.
We did.
That net's tied to a zip line.
It goes to the river.
Hope you can swim.
Now are you ready to admit to Sir Gareth that teaching is hard? No! And we're never gonna tell him about this.
We won't have to.
He's over there laughing with the Knighty Knights.
KIDS & SIR GARETH: [LAUGHING.]
BUTTERCUP: [SCREAMING.]
KIDS: [LAUGHING.]
[MAGIC WHOOSHING.]
All right, guys, whether we win this battle or not, you guys have embraced cheating.
And that means so much to me.
I love cheating.
Let's do this.
- SIR GARETH: Phoenix Squad.
- ALL: [GASP.]
Look, I may be severely far sighted and missing an eye, but even I can see that Team Hex plays dirty.
So, I have a feeling they're goin' down, sir.
[GIGGLING EVILLY.]
ALL: [GIGGLING EVILLY.]
Well, I'd rather teach you students at the bottom of Loogie Lake, than teach those cheaters anywhere.
You live by the knights' code Which makes your honorable.
So, is everyone feeling terrible? I'm just gonna go with super awful, but, yeah.
Even if Team Hex is gonna cheat, we can't.
It's not what knights do.
She's right.
Why is Sir Gareth such a good example? It's time.
Team Hex, begin! [GRUNTS OF EFFORT.]
[HEAVY THUD.]
All they did was smash a tiny hole.
We got this.
Phoenix Squad.
Break that door like where you live depends on it Because it does! [GRUNTS OF EFFORT.]
[LIGHT THUD.]
There's no damage to the door? That was a waste of a speech.
Team Hex is the winner! TEAM HEX: [CHEERING.]
[CHANTING "TEAM HEX!".]
What happened? Team Hex must have cheated away my giant's strength.
[DOOR CREAKING.]
Look, the door! PRUDENCE: Oh! [GRUNTING.]
I got the door.
Get them out.
Come on! PRUDENCE: [ROARING.]
[DOOR THUDS.]
Well done, students.
Prudy, you still have your giant's strength.
Wait, then how did Team Hex cheat? Don't be ridiculous.
Sebastian, did you cheat? [SIGHS.]
I can't lie.
No.
- I believe him.
- I don't.
Epitus speakee truthus! [MAGIC ZAPPING.]
Like your spell's going to work on him.
I totally cheated.
Hey, so, I got this awesome spring I put in their battering ram.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
I'd do it again.
And the blond boy's arms are perfectly normal.
I knew it.
Which means Team Hex is disqualified.
PHOENIX SQUAD: Yes! [SPITTING.]
I'm so ashamed! It's time for Team Hex to go back to the snotty shores of Loogie Lake.
You spit a lot when you talk.
Turn the spell off.
[MAGIC POOFS.]
I'm proud of you, Phoenix Squad.
You saved the school, and the king, who left behind his pizza.
[CHUCKLING.]
Double win.
KING: Don't you dare, Gareth! Oh, gotta go.
See? I told you, if we followed the knights' code, we'd win.
You were right, Ciara.
But, more importantly, - my arms are normal! - Hey hey
Previous EpisodeNext Episode