Lastman (2016) s01e01 Episode Script

T'es un abruti Aldana

Have you ever suspected that
there are other worlds out there
and that the world you're stuck in
is just a squalid dead end?
What if, behind what we call reality,
there were a passage?
Would you be ready to go to the other
side to drink in the sweet truth
and to let your eyes burn with
the spectacle
of the universe's very fabric?
Our libraries are teeming with
these stories about legendary worlds.
Their dusty books form the maze that
safeguards the only legend that's true:
The Legend of the Valley of the Kings.
Earth, sky, her breath nourishes
from the brim of the cup
to its last dregs.
Breathing life into her bosom.
Beyond it lies the cold, cold night.
Woe betide those who stray too far.
From the breath of Queen Iguana.
Siri! Hey!
What are you doing?
The bell rang five minutes ago!
You're a dumb-ass, Aldana.
OK, Richard.
Dave told me we could count on you.
You got the right build for the job.
And it ain't rocket science.
- Just follow the "3 Fucks" rule.
- The "3 Fucks"?
Shut the fuck up.
Don't fuck the dancers.
Fuck up all the assholes
who annoy the dancers.
- Got it?
- I think I understood, sir.
That's good.
Maria, come here,
you stupid bitch!
I ain't paying you to mope!
Looking like a dead fish
ain't gonna fly.
I'm sorry. It's my son,
he's in the hospital
Shut up! Come see me
in my office after your shift.
If you wanna keep the job,
you gotta be convincing.
- Very convincing, got it?
- Yes, Harry.
Fuck off, now
Where was I
"Fuck up all the assholes."
Right, so
So when do I start?
Are you out of your mind?
I find you a job and you get fired
on the first day because
you beat up the boss?
He was a douche.
Well you're a dumb-ass, Aldana.
The guy you beat up is a mobster!
Did you think it through?
They'll use baseball bats
to send their message!
You put us in deep shit!
Calm down, gramps
Do you mind if I stay here
for another couple of weeks
until I get back on my feet?
You've got a lot of nerve!
OK. If you manage
to land an uppercut,
you can stay another month.
I'm gonna give you 6 months
worth of uppercuts, gramps.
How can I guy that old move so fast
It's called boxing, Richard.
You can punch
but you're still a boxing virgin.
You could become
a federation champ.
There you go again
Your fists could make you rich.
Start training, bro.
Do you know how much
pro boxers make?
Clowning around in my briefs
ain't for me, gramps.
I still have some self-respect.
You're such a lazy bastard
Catch this!
Apologize to Zenkova.
If you're lucky,
he may just bust your kneecaps
and he won't set fire to my club,
which is also your pad.
Seriously? I can stay?
Call him. If you set things straight,
I'll think about it.
- Who's that weirdo?
- Stay focused.
Now, it's really starting.
I want that bastard dead!
Calm down. You'll bust your staples.
It's simple.
We'll ask Jean-Luc
Can you handle it, Jean-Luc?
Do you know where we can find
this Robert Alagna?
It's Richard. Richard Aldana
Hello douchebags.
That's him!
Relax, ladies.
I come in peace, I'm not armed.
You bust the door open with Jean-Michel.
It's disrespectful.
That's not very peaceful,
don't you agree?
I told you so!
That guy's a real nutcase!
I came here to apologize, OK?
Sorry about the other night.
I'm yours,
but you got to let Dave McKenzie go.
What are you talking about, asshole?
Who's that guy?
- Dave McKenzie.
- What?
The visit to the boxing club?
The van?
Bang bang
The kidnapping? Hello?
Did you send a van?
No I didn't.
What are we even talking about?
Did you guys send someone?
No, we didn't kidnap anyone today.
Don't let him get away!
How dumb! How dumb!
This way!
Damn, damn
Think, goddammit, think
Hey, shut the fuck up.
Daddy? Daddy, are you OK?
I had a nightmare with you in it
- Can you hear me?
- Daddy?
Who are you? Where's Dave?
Excellent question, sweetie,
I was wondering
if you had the answer.
Dammit, that stench!
Who are you?
An old buddy of Dave's.
I thought he had no kids.
But I was apparently wrong
- Is he your dad?
- That's none of your business.
Where is he?
Some not so nice people
kidnapped him.
I've been looking for him.
They They tracked us down!
Do you know something I don't,
- Siri.
- What?
- My name's Siri. What's yours?
- Richard.
Richard, I think I know
where they're keeping Dave.
The Redemption of the Seventh Day
It's a church,
but these people
are really dangerous.
You know, sweetie, danger's just
You hit my brother.
I'll call you back.
And then, you could see
the colonel's balls!
Do you know the one about the cop
with a huge asshole?
That's not very nice, dudes
Do you know me?
I've also heard about you, Mr McKenzie.
You thought you could get away with it?
We'll never go away, you know that.
Stronger, more of us by the day.
The warm breath of Queen Iguana
blows everywhere.
She can blow me.
- Where is she, Dave?
- No.
Where's Siri?
Thanks officer! You've brought
the stray sheep back to the herd.
Yeah, yeah.
Damn! Leave the window open
I'm there.
There's no one here
Look again! He has to be there
Is he there?
Richard, answer me! Is he there?
What's going on?
Answer me, Richard!
Stay with me, bro
Richard! What's going on?
To be continued
Next Episode