Lazor Wulf (2019) s01e10 Episode Script
It Is What It Is
1 La, la, la La, la la la, la-la la la Da da da da Da da da da da da Heyyyyyyyyy [Clanking.]
Stupid Horse, will you please stop vacuuming? We're trying to have a family argument.
It's okay.
Your arguing is not bothering me one bit.
Please carry on.
- You serious right now? - It's okay.
Just act like I'm not even here.
Don't you got a place of your own to go to? Well, I did have my own room, and then Lazor Wulf took it, and I did have an office, but Yeti turned it into a skate park.
It's a bicycle park, man bicycle.
That's right.
Stupid me.
[Vacuum gurgling.]
Hmm, must be something stuck up in there.
All I'm saying is, every Dad's Day, we try to treat Father like a pop, and it always goes horribly wrong.
Y'all remember last year? That mother[bshh.]
ate Carlton! The mother[bshh.]
ate Carlton, so I say we just cancel Father's Day altogether.
Look here.
I'm still sad about the Carlton situation, but canceling Father's Day? Now, don't you feel like that's a bit drastic? You talking wild shit right now, Lazor Wulf.
I don't want to grow up without a Father's Day, man.
You already are grown, you dumbass.
But for real, how would you like it if your kids didn't recognize you on Father's Day? I don't have kids.
Well, there you go.
And how does it feel? Ooh, I've been looking for this! Hey, you guys! Lookie what I found.
Crossfire, the deadliest game? - Put it away.
- Yeah, for real.
Don't pull out Crossfire unless you're serious.
Game know how to bring the animal out of a spinner.
You guys are being weird.
Crossfire is the shnizzynit.
Crossfire You'll get caught up in the crossfire All right.
Now, back to business.
Lazor Wulf, it's your turn to be head of the Father's Day committee, so you need to come up with something fast.
I'm good.
Pops is the worst, and I feel as though Yes.
We all know how terrible dad is.
- Just pick something already.
- For real, hurry up! This is infringing on bonding time with Pops.
All right.
I'm willing to give this one more shot.
But this time, we're going to connect with dude on his level.
So this year, we are taking him to Yo, why you got us in the boondocks, son? You can lead a wolf to Father's Day, Canon, but sometimes, it's better to bring Father's Day to the wolf.
Pops! Hey, Dad! So great to see you.
All right, Florence.
Go.
It's Father's Day, and the kids want to Oh.
Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Hi-yah! Come on, now.
Hurry up, while he's out.
[Camera shutter clicks.]
Aw.
He looks so peaceful, laying there unconscious and drooling and such.
[Chuckles.]
This was a great idea, Lazor Wulf.
You know, we finally got a nice regular family photo.
- Do y'all understand this? 'Cause I don't.
- It's simple.
With homie out cold, he won't be able to ruin our Father's Day activities.
Okay, Dad.
You ready to do this Father's Day shit? Aw.
Oh.
That is [bshh.]
ing nasty.
[Music.]
Ha ha! A family that stays together craps together.
[Farts.]
There are so many goodies in here! [Rumbling.]
Yes, your boy done did.
Help! I'm trapped! You know, I'm kind of 'bout this wildlife life.
I might open a little store out here.
Got to chop down all these damn trees first.
They are all up in the way and shit.
How you thinking about money right now? We finally hanging with Pops without some wild shit popping off! I love you, Dad.
You really love Father's Day.
Don't you? Shut up, Florence! Yes, I do.
I love it so much.
[Beeping.]
I got Dad's favorite.
It's a raccoon-meat breakfast burrito.
Mnh-mnh.
No, thanks.
I think I'm good.
You ain't get no mozzarella sticks? Oh, nah, brah.
Ain't no way I'm eating no dumpster-raccoon-meat - breakfast burrito.
- Hey.
You wanted to give Dad a good Father's Day, and that's what I'm doing.
Eat the [bshh.]
ing burrito.
[Music.]
[Sniffs.]
Are you going to eat yours, Florence? [Laughs.]
You out of your mind.
I'm gonna walk around these woods and take some selfies.
Dope idea, Lazor.
I guess he was really on to something.
Thanks, Canon, but in order to truly bond with Dad, I didn't order just any raccoon-meat breakfast burrito.
- Word? - Yeah.
I do have more words to say.
I specifically asked that the raccoon used in this breakfast burrito be a rabid one.
Wait, what? [Snarling.]
Man, this is too much.
I'm gonna have to move the [bshh.]
up out this neighborhood now! Dad? No.
It's Al [bshh.]
ing Of course, it's me! Well, Dad, better late than never.
What do you say we get to know each other? Oh, well.
Guess I'll go binge-watch Netflix till the rabies wears off.
Look at what your stupid rabies burrito got us into.
[Snarling.]
Uh, we should go.
Oh, you a smart mother[bshh.]
.
Stupid Horse: Can't you see I'm trapped? Can't you see I'm so confused? I can't get out No I think I'm actually going to die in here.
[Thud.]
Oh, is that a light switch? Tight! Man, I could live in here.
This could be my little secret hideaway Hideaway Well, we almost had a good Father's Day.
Works for me, to be honest.
I love watching you fail at this every year.
Then why do you act like you hate us so much? I guess it's 'cause I actually do.
I mean, give me one reason I should like y'all.
You're obnoxious, Canon Wulf is self-destructive, Blazor Wulf is aggravating, and don't get me started on Florence.
- Wow, tell me how you really feel.
- It's like, shut up already.
Who cares about power walking? Jesus Christ, I know I don't.
- Pff.
- Yeah.
So what do you like? I mean, I'd rather lick my own butthole than listen to her talk about power walking.
While we're at it, I also hate your friends Musty Horse and Bing Yammy.
Their names are Stupid Horse and King Yeti.
Yeah? Well, I hate their [bshh.]
ing names, too.
- Pff! - Noted.
If you really loved your father, instead of torturing me with all this Father's Day bullshit every year, you and the rest of that family can just walk off a cliff.
Yeah.
I'll add that to the idea list for next year.
[Laughs.]
You know what, son? I like you.
You're different.
I Nah, I change my mind.
I don't like you.
Pff! I guess you being feral isn't the problem.
- You're just an asshole.
- Bingo! Pff! [Quacks.]
Want to learn a fatherly lesson? [Snoring.]
Any money you make here is mine.
Any money you make there is mine.
- Much appreciated.
- You stealing money from a dice game? - You a cold dude.
- That's right, the coldest spinner alive.
Okay.
I can admit this was a failed experiment.
Happy Father's Day to you, but I'm gonna get back to my family and fix this rabies situation.
There's only one way to handle rabid animals.
You got to put them down.
Pff! Yeah, because murdering one's family - is always the right choice.
- Of course.
You'd do the same to me if I was feral.
Wouldn't you? No.
I'd plan a nice Father's Day.
Man, save that shit for your therapist.
Now, let's go murder your family.
Pff! I'm good.
I think I'd rather not murder my family today.
You're right, son.
We can't.
We can't because you just got knocked the [bshh.]
out by me, your daddy, A.
K.
A.
Mr.
I Hate My Damn Kids.
[Laughs.]
Pff! Hey, yo.
I'm the Tyronn Lue of this shit back when he was playing against AI, but I never got stepped over, and I'm on a bike.
Bam.
Yo, Stupid Horse, we running out of room for my bike park, man.
We need to knock down a few walls.
Where's Stupid Horse at? [Vacuum whirring.]
D'oh.
[Gurgles.]
Wow.
Plenty of room for a new bike park in here now! - Let's do it.
- Aw! Look at y'all acting like a bunch of savage-ass animals right now.
I'd be proud if I didn't hate y'all so much.
- [Whimpering.]
- [Panting.]
Killing y'all would make this the greatest Father's Day ever! [Pants.]
Ah! There's only one way to fix this.
- Is that - Yep.
I challenge you to a game a game of Crossfire.
Crossfire, the deadliest game known to man? You must really want to save that family, huh? Have a seat.
And I thought you were smarter than the rest.
I accept your challenge! [Laughs evilly.]
Welcome to your doom! Pff! [Music.]
It's sometime in the future Bro, we're actually in the present.
Shut up, Wallace.
It's sometime in the future.
The ultimate challenge Crossfire! Crossfire You'll get caught up in the crossfire Pow! Crossfire You'll get caught up in the Crossfire Pow! Crossfire Yeah - Crossfire.
Yeah.
- Ha, that's right.
Yeah.
- Crossfire! - Yeah, yeah.
You'll get caught up in it.
Yo, what happened? Those breakfast burritos had me going crazy! Yeah, me too.
We had another awful Father's Day again, and I had to kill Dad in a game of Crossfire.
You had to play Crossfire? Geez, I'm so sorry, Lazor.
I'mma miss you, Pops.
- [Barking.]
- Oh.
Hold on.
Aah! [Farts.]
Save that 40.
It seems like he's still alive.
That's great 'cause we need to plan - for next year's Father's Day.
- What? Man, nah, no more Father's Day.
That's it.
But it's our daddy! Lazor Wulf, just because he always tries to kill us don't mean he ain't our dad! [Camera shutter clicks.]
[Music.]
[Coughs.]
Stupid Horse, will you please stop vacuuming? We're trying to have a family argument.
It's okay.
Your arguing is not bothering me one bit.
Please carry on.
- You serious right now? - It's okay.
Just act like I'm not even here.
Don't you got a place of your own to go to? Well, I did have my own room, and then Lazor Wulf took it, and I did have an office, but Yeti turned it into a skate park.
It's a bicycle park, man bicycle.
That's right.
Stupid me.
[Vacuum gurgling.]
Hmm, must be something stuck up in there.
All I'm saying is, every Dad's Day, we try to treat Father like a pop, and it always goes horribly wrong.
Y'all remember last year? That mother[bshh.]
ate Carlton! The mother[bshh.]
ate Carlton, so I say we just cancel Father's Day altogether.
Look here.
I'm still sad about the Carlton situation, but canceling Father's Day? Now, don't you feel like that's a bit drastic? You talking wild shit right now, Lazor Wulf.
I don't want to grow up without a Father's Day, man.
You already are grown, you dumbass.
But for real, how would you like it if your kids didn't recognize you on Father's Day? I don't have kids.
Well, there you go.
And how does it feel? Ooh, I've been looking for this! Hey, you guys! Lookie what I found.
Crossfire, the deadliest game? - Put it away.
- Yeah, for real.
Don't pull out Crossfire unless you're serious.
Game know how to bring the animal out of a spinner.
You guys are being weird.
Crossfire is the shnizzynit.
Crossfire You'll get caught up in the crossfire All right.
Now, back to business.
Lazor Wulf, it's your turn to be head of the Father's Day committee, so you need to come up with something fast.
I'm good.
Pops is the worst, and I feel as though Yes.
We all know how terrible dad is.
- Just pick something already.
- For real, hurry up! This is infringing on bonding time with Pops.
All right.
I'm willing to give this one more shot.
But this time, we're going to connect with dude on his level.
So this year, we are taking him to Yo, why you got us in the boondocks, son? You can lead a wolf to Father's Day, Canon, but sometimes, it's better to bring Father's Day to the wolf.
Pops! Hey, Dad! So great to see you.
All right, Florence.
Go.
It's Father's Day, and the kids want to Oh.
Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Hi-yah! Come on, now.
Hurry up, while he's out.
[Camera shutter clicks.]
Aw.
He looks so peaceful, laying there unconscious and drooling and such.
[Chuckles.]
This was a great idea, Lazor Wulf.
You know, we finally got a nice regular family photo.
- Do y'all understand this? 'Cause I don't.
- It's simple.
With homie out cold, he won't be able to ruin our Father's Day activities.
Okay, Dad.
You ready to do this Father's Day shit? Aw.
Oh.
That is [bshh.]
ing nasty.
[Music.]
Ha ha! A family that stays together craps together.
[Farts.]
There are so many goodies in here! [Rumbling.]
Yes, your boy done did.
Help! I'm trapped! You know, I'm kind of 'bout this wildlife life.
I might open a little store out here.
Got to chop down all these damn trees first.
They are all up in the way and shit.
How you thinking about money right now? We finally hanging with Pops without some wild shit popping off! I love you, Dad.
You really love Father's Day.
Don't you? Shut up, Florence! Yes, I do.
I love it so much.
[Beeping.]
I got Dad's favorite.
It's a raccoon-meat breakfast burrito.
Mnh-mnh.
No, thanks.
I think I'm good.
You ain't get no mozzarella sticks? Oh, nah, brah.
Ain't no way I'm eating no dumpster-raccoon-meat - breakfast burrito.
- Hey.
You wanted to give Dad a good Father's Day, and that's what I'm doing.
Eat the [bshh.]
ing burrito.
[Music.]
[Sniffs.]
Are you going to eat yours, Florence? [Laughs.]
You out of your mind.
I'm gonna walk around these woods and take some selfies.
Dope idea, Lazor.
I guess he was really on to something.
Thanks, Canon, but in order to truly bond with Dad, I didn't order just any raccoon-meat breakfast burrito.
- Word? - Yeah.
I do have more words to say.
I specifically asked that the raccoon used in this breakfast burrito be a rabid one.
Wait, what? [Snarling.]
Man, this is too much.
I'm gonna have to move the [bshh.]
up out this neighborhood now! Dad? No.
It's Al [bshh.]
ing Of course, it's me! Well, Dad, better late than never.
What do you say we get to know each other? Oh, well.
Guess I'll go binge-watch Netflix till the rabies wears off.
Look at what your stupid rabies burrito got us into.
[Snarling.]
Uh, we should go.
Oh, you a smart mother[bshh.]
.
Stupid Horse: Can't you see I'm trapped? Can't you see I'm so confused? I can't get out No I think I'm actually going to die in here.
[Thud.]
Oh, is that a light switch? Tight! Man, I could live in here.
This could be my little secret hideaway Hideaway Well, we almost had a good Father's Day.
Works for me, to be honest.
I love watching you fail at this every year.
Then why do you act like you hate us so much? I guess it's 'cause I actually do.
I mean, give me one reason I should like y'all.
You're obnoxious, Canon Wulf is self-destructive, Blazor Wulf is aggravating, and don't get me started on Florence.
- Wow, tell me how you really feel.
- It's like, shut up already.
Who cares about power walking? Jesus Christ, I know I don't.
- Pff.
- Yeah.
So what do you like? I mean, I'd rather lick my own butthole than listen to her talk about power walking.
While we're at it, I also hate your friends Musty Horse and Bing Yammy.
Their names are Stupid Horse and King Yeti.
Yeah? Well, I hate their [bshh.]
ing names, too.
- Pff! - Noted.
If you really loved your father, instead of torturing me with all this Father's Day bullshit every year, you and the rest of that family can just walk off a cliff.
Yeah.
I'll add that to the idea list for next year.
[Laughs.]
You know what, son? I like you.
You're different.
I Nah, I change my mind.
I don't like you.
Pff! I guess you being feral isn't the problem.
- You're just an asshole.
- Bingo! Pff! [Quacks.]
Want to learn a fatherly lesson? [Snoring.]
Any money you make here is mine.
Any money you make there is mine.
- Much appreciated.
- You stealing money from a dice game? - You a cold dude.
- That's right, the coldest spinner alive.
Okay.
I can admit this was a failed experiment.
Happy Father's Day to you, but I'm gonna get back to my family and fix this rabies situation.
There's only one way to handle rabid animals.
You got to put them down.
Pff! Yeah, because murdering one's family - is always the right choice.
- Of course.
You'd do the same to me if I was feral.
Wouldn't you? No.
I'd plan a nice Father's Day.
Man, save that shit for your therapist.
Now, let's go murder your family.
Pff! I'm good.
I think I'd rather not murder my family today.
You're right, son.
We can't.
We can't because you just got knocked the [bshh.]
out by me, your daddy, A.
K.
A.
Mr.
I Hate My Damn Kids.
[Laughs.]
Pff! Hey, yo.
I'm the Tyronn Lue of this shit back when he was playing against AI, but I never got stepped over, and I'm on a bike.
Bam.
Yo, Stupid Horse, we running out of room for my bike park, man.
We need to knock down a few walls.
Where's Stupid Horse at? [Vacuum whirring.]
D'oh.
[Gurgles.]
Wow.
Plenty of room for a new bike park in here now! - Let's do it.
- Aw! Look at y'all acting like a bunch of savage-ass animals right now.
I'd be proud if I didn't hate y'all so much.
- [Whimpering.]
- [Panting.]
Killing y'all would make this the greatest Father's Day ever! [Pants.]
Ah! There's only one way to fix this.
- Is that - Yep.
I challenge you to a game a game of Crossfire.
Crossfire, the deadliest game known to man? You must really want to save that family, huh? Have a seat.
And I thought you were smarter than the rest.
I accept your challenge! [Laughs evilly.]
Welcome to your doom! Pff! [Music.]
It's sometime in the future Bro, we're actually in the present.
Shut up, Wallace.
It's sometime in the future.
The ultimate challenge Crossfire! Crossfire You'll get caught up in the crossfire Pow! Crossfire You'll get caught up in the Crossfire Pow! Crossfire Yeah - Crossfire.
Yeah.
- Ha, that's right.
Yeah.
- Crossfire! - Yeah, yeah.
You'll get caught up in it.
Yo, what happened? Those breakfast burritos had me going crazy! Yeah, me too.
We had another awful Father's Day again, and I had to kill Dad in a game of Crossfire.
You had to play Crossfire? Geez, I'm so sorry, Lazor.
I'mma miss you, Pops.
- [Barking.]
- Oh.
Hold on.
Aah! [Farts.]
Save that 40.
It seems like he's still alive.
That's great 'cause we need to plan - for next year's Father's Day.
- What? Man, nah, no more Father's Day.
That's it.
But it's our daddy! Lazor Wulf, just because he always tries to kill us don't mean he ain't our dad! [Camera shutter clicks.]
[Music.]
[Coughs.]