Les Norton (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

The Real Thing

1 How about a feed instead? My shout.
Another time maybe, huh? I'm not looking to get into a relationship any time soon.
I have more than enough relationships, thank you very much.
What I don't have is a big, strapping redhead that I can ride all night.
Internal affairs are looking around your neck of the woods.
- Well, I'll get Ray to look into it.
- No, no, no.
It's Ray they are sniffing around.
You need to make a big decision, big boy, whether you want to be part of history or part of the future.
I ran the Rolls-Royce plates through the system and, apparently, you're the owner.
Thank you.
BILLY: That's Tony Levin.
Small-time dope dealer, big time deadshit.
Alright, mate ('NUMBERS FALL' BY COLD CHISEL PLAYS) Ain't got nothin' that you need so bad That you couldn't give it up For a choice of two An unseen chance is gonna cross your way before NARRATOR: Having now spent a few months in the big smoke, Les reckoned he was starting to get a hang of the place.
Before he arrived, for instance, he thought strippers were what you used to get paint off a table.
- Evening, ladies.
- BOTH: Hey, Les.
And coffee was what you had in your thermos for smoko.
Turns out, there's more than one way to have it.
You can have it standing up at night, like the 'Eye-talians'.
$1.
50 was highway robbery for a cup of jitter juice.
But Les reckoned when in Rome, why not have yourself a nice little 'cuppa-ccino' on the way to the Colosseum? All my dreams'll come true.
PRICE: It appears that we might have overextended ourselves ever so slightly.
To the tune of $200,000.
- Oof.
- (WHISTLES) PRICE: Yes, but we've got a few markers around town that might need a little attention.
They need more than attention.
They need reclaiming.
Yeah, no, Georgie's right.
So, I need you, uh you boys to go out and shake the bloody trees.
And don't be shy about who's doing the shaking.
The year of taking the micky is over.
Hey, Les, how would you like to whiz up to Coffs? See, um, Tony what's-his-name? - Levin? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, young Tony owes me 10 Gs.
You know, my guess, he's not gonna take too much convincing.
But if he makes it hard, make it easy.
Yeah, that's understood, boss, but, uh, I've got the ute getting the rear window fixed this week, so transportation's a little short.
Oh, well, take the wife's Beamer.
Oh, be warned, you try European, you'll never go back.
- (PRICE CHUCKLES) - Yeah, we'll see.
Georgie, when that cash comes back, it's all going into the, uh, new roulette wheel.
Yeah, I don't understand why I am working so hard to save us money when you insist on going and spending it on things we don't need.
Look we need it.
Hmm.
How how many pairs of shoes you got? - (LAUGHS) As many as I like.
- Yeah? Any night of the week, doesn't matter how many famous socialites are down there, strutting their stuff around the tables, you're guaranteed to be the most elegant lady in here.
I'm not sending us to the poorhouse over a pair of shoes.
No, no, no, Georgie.
You're missing the point.
The wheel is the bearded lady.
The human cannonball.
I'm telling ya, we're the circus and the wheel is the bloody show.
Now, don't flog her too hard, will you? Oh, don't worry, boss.
I'll, uh I'll look after it.
It's a beaut, huh? Oh, here we go.
Speaking of beauty, here's the old cheese and kisses.
Hey, darl.
I don't think you've met me new bloke, Les Norton.
He's, uh he's gonna take the Beamer up the coast for a couple of days.
Leslie, is it? - Yep.
- Nice to meet you.
Uh, ni nice to meet you, too, uh, Mrs Galese.
Oh, call me Chenille.
Uh, thanks for the, uh the the lend of the car, Chenille.
Oh, it's my pleasure, Leslie.
You can work it off when you get back.
Maybe you can give her a grease and oil change.
I want you back tomorrow night, OK? And, remember, don't flog her too hard.
(CRACKS WHIP) Yep.
Cheers, boss.
(SIGHS) (STARTS ENGINE) (COINS JANGLE) (HORN HONKS) COLD CHISEL: I'm standin' on the outside, lookin' in I'm standin' on the outside, lookin' in Whoa-oh I never strayed outside the law Standin' on the outside, lookin' in Room full of money and the born-to-win And no amount of work's gonna get me through the door And I know ARTHIT: You know what? I reckon you're well on your way to becoming a big swinging dick in this town.
DOLORES: Bullshit.
Haven't you heard of the glass ceiling? No.
Well, unfortunately, I don't have a dick big enough - to smash through it.
- (LAUGHS) So, how do you do it then, eh? What does Price do? On any given night, he's got half of Macquarie Street - sitting at his tables.
- Yeah.
So, he's got that big swing.
Yeah, but we're starting from scratch.
It'll take us years to build that type of a network.
No, but what if we don't build it? We buy it.
Bloody outrage, what they charge.
If they want to raise revenue, they should start fining the pollies every time they lie in Parliament, eh? I appreciate you sending the young constable round to drop it off, Ray.
But if I have to sort out the parking tickets, then what do we pay you for again? Well, nice little girls like you don't want to know about the, uh, unique skills of a man like me, Georgie.
I'm sure you're right, Ray.
But if Price finds out that you're not even fixing up his fines, he might start to wonder what else you're not doing.
Might even start to wonder whether you're really on his team.
'Course I am.
I'm captain of the bloody team.
Look, I'll, uh I'll get onto this quick sticks.
And anything else I can look after, eh? Thanks, Ray.
See you at the club.
Bye! Bye.
Why the hell did you give her this?! What? I I mean, uh they're mates with us, aren't they? Yeah, of course they bloody are! And when a mate gets a parking ticket, this is how you deal with it, OK? Just use your bloody head in future! OK? (HONKS HORN) (LAUGHS) Les, mate! LES: G'day, Reg.
NARRATOR: Reg Reid was another Dirranbandi boy who'd flown the coop.
They first bonded after being dropped by Sandra Stevenson on the same day in second grade, and they'd been tight as ever since.
Look at you! You've landed on your feet, haven't ya? What about you? - Bloody beach hideaway! - Yeah.
What do you reckon? Bloody paradise.
Look at your flashy boots as well, mate.
Get in here.
Good to see ya.
Come in.
What about you, mate? How's life in the city? Oh, not as bad as I thought.
All types of people running around.
Mindin' their own beeswax, mate, you know? Yeah.
Not like Dirra.
Eh? Whole town knows when you took your last shit.
And what you had for dinner.
(BOTH LAUGH) - Cheers to that too, mate.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, man.
What about the girls? Alright? They're all gorgeous.
Even the bloody cops.
The cops? (LAUGHS) Excuse me? Hello.
Hi.
I was just wondering if you could help me.
You from the bank? No.
Did Bongo send you? - Bongo? - The Arm? I don't know who that is.
Well, neither do I.
Terrific.
Um, so, do you come here often? Oh, yeah, only when I'm not working.
- And how often's that? - 100% of the time.
Oh, OK.
OK, cool.
Um, so, do you know much about the new handball court? Oh, yeah, like what? Uh, like what was there before? Oh, it was just an old fishing shack.
Yeah, they just, uh, plonked the court right on top.
Right.
So, did they did they have to do much construction? Nah.
Not really.
Just laid the foundations.
You see the little concrete slab up there? - Yeah.
- They just put (WHISTLES) - right on top of it.
- OK.
So, the foundations are new? You a cop? I'm Emily.
Um, I didn't catch your name.
Johnson.
John Johnson.
John John Johnson.
Yeah.
Um Hey, I've gotta I've gotta go but, uh, it was lovely to meet you.
I'll, uh I'll catch you round.
LES: This must be so good for your paintings.
(CHUCKLES) Well, it turns out I'm a bit of an artist in the garden as well, mate.
What, do you grow this stuff? Mate, everyone grows it up here.
The hills are full of the stuff.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
But mine's better, and I'll tell you why.
I play records to mine.
Old Richard Clapton.
I reckon the frequencies infuse it with something.
Right? The, uh the sonic vibrations resonate with its life force or something.
- Yeah.
- You're havin' a lend.
No, no.
I'm telling you.
Look.
Have a look at this.
Have a look at that.
See how sticky it is? Smells like pineapple.
Got those little red hairs all over it.
Mm.
That's how you know it's the goods, mate.
I could have told you that.
(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah.
(EXHALES SLOWLY) Have a go of that.
Doesn't usually do much for me, mate.
I'm telling ya.
Seeing as you say you're an artist Don't go too hard.
(COUGHS) Cheese, mate.
(BOTH LAUGH) - How good is cheese? - How good is cheese? - How good is it? - Cheese to that.
(BOTH LAUGH) ('I SEE RED' BY SPLIT ENZ PLAYS) When my baby's walkin' down the street BOTH: I see red, I see red, I see red How can someone wicked walk round free? BOTH: I see red, I see red, I see red - I see re-e-ed - (LES COUGHS) I see red I see re-e-e-e-ed.
(SNORING) (HONKS HORN) - (HONKS) - Ah Well, don't worry, darl.
This won't take long at all.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Dolores Bognor.
We spoke on the phone a little while ago? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah, um, I had that block of land down in Blacktown that I was developing.
The one near the station? Oh, yeah, of course.
I'm, uh yeah, I'm sorry that didn't work out, Dolores.
No worries.
I'm not here about that.
Oh, I'm a friend of Price Galese's.
I see.
You're a friend of his.
Well, Mr Galese is a tireless servant of this city and, um, I do, on occasion, bump into him as we go about our business.
Yeah, right.
Uh he's a bit on the nose, though, eh? I'm sorry? Old Pricey's past his use-by date, if I'm being totally honest.
That's why I just wanted to come here and reintroduce myself.
Dolores.
Uh, and, uh, let you know I have a bunch of cracking ideas that I think you should take a look at, with an eye to the future.
And, uh, this is ? Some of my ideas.
Yeah.
Take a look.
But be warned, some of them might be pretty radical.
What a lot of interesting ideas you have, Dolores.
- (CLICKS TONGUE) - (CHUCKLES) (YAWNS) (REG COUGHS) - Morning, mate.
- Good morning.
I swear I seen a couple of these fellas in here last night.
(LAUGHS) So, what, you're selling these? Huh? No.
No.
Bugger-all in drawings, mate.
The money's all in painting.
It's just the bloody paints, you know? They're so expensive.
Yeah, right.
Look, I got my own little medieval pigment thing going on down here.
I've got Earl Grey brown and I've got that is beet-soup red.
Reckon they could play in a jazz band? - (LAUGHS) - Dickhead.
Anyway, look, I'm gonna have to, uh I'm gonna have to head into Coffs.
Yeah, righto, mate, no worries.
I've gotta go meet this bloke, Tony Levin.
Tony ? What do you want doing with that dickhead? Picking up some cash for my boss.
Oh, so, you're collecting now? I thought you was a doorman.
No, no, it's just a one-off.
But, wait, you know him? Well, he's a big pot dealer in town.
I know if you want a piece of the action, he'll sick his feral mates onto you.
Where would I find him? TONY: Tell you what, I'll do you two for one, 'cause of your spunky accent.
Really! Uh I'm from Wagga.
- Yeah.
- Australia.
Yeah, but well Uh, will you give us a minute, love? Go get yourself a drink.
G'day, Tony.
Who the fuck are you? You serious? I'm Les Norton.
We met last time you were at the Kelly Club.
Dunno what you're talking about.
Well, I I almost threw you down the staircase.
Mr Galese noticed you didn't settle up your account last time you were in Sydney.
Must have slipped your mind.
But he knows you're a busy man, so he sent me up here to come and get it from you directly.
Yeah, of course.
Um, the thing is I haven't got it on me right now.
No worries.
How about we go get it, then? Well, it's not that easy.
Uh, I'll have to make a few calls, you know, call in a few markers of me own.
How about I meet you back here later on? Good-o.
Gentleman's agreement.
- See ya, Tony.
- See ya, mate.
Hey, just picture it, 13 foot, rosewood, roulette wheel, right in the hi-diddle-diddle of the room.
Imagine how that's gonna look? Cluttered? Oh, don't be silly.
Ostentatious.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh, there they are.
That'll be the bloody ink-sniffers at the Customs office, telling me it's cleared.
I'll get it.
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING) Yeah.
Hello.
- G'day, Georgie.
- Les, how's it going? Yeah, it's, uh Beautiful.
Did you see Tony? Oh, yeah, yeah, Tony.
No, no, I saw him.
I'm just gonna collect the money later on today.
You're meant to be back tonight.
What, has Price cracked it? (SIGHS) Eddie and Billy are hauling it in.
I'll try and get him to focus on that.
- Check in when it's done.
- Hooroo.
- Aah! - Oh! Here, mate, wipe yourself off.
You're bleeding.
- Now, if it was up to us.
- Ohhh we'd give you a little bit more time.
But Mr Galese's in a bit of a hurry.
- Mm.
- Wait.
What did he say? He said, "Don't just break his bloody legs, break 'em off.
" That's right.
Let me put it another way.
If you don't give us the money right now, that's the haircut you're gonna be wearing in your coffin.
Hmm? (BIRDSONG) Aah Aaaagh! (BIRDS SCREECH) (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (SNIFFS) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) - Are you alright? - Aah! Never been better.
Whoa Hey, are you are you a doctor? - I'm a vet.
- A vet? Don't worry, I spend all day looking after big animals who hurt themselves doing stupid things.
My lucky day, then.
- Now, deep breath in.
- It's gonna hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you, right? (INHALES) Slow breath out (EXHALES) I'm gonna count to three, alright? - Alright.
- One - (LOUD CRACK) - Aaagh! Cheese and rice! (BREATHES HEAVILY) As good as new.
- Mm.
- Bloody magician, you are.
Close your eyes, I'll disappear in a puff of smoke! - Where are you gonna go? - Car park.
Actually, uh, that's, uh - that's where I'm headed.
- Oh.
Yeah, yeah, you should probably walk with me, but.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Just in case I got a head injury.
- You reckon you could tell? I'm, uh I'm Les Norton.
Betty.
Nice to meet you, Betty.
Yeah, I'm just here for a few days to visit my sister, Diane and then I'm back to Grafton.
Do you live around here? Uh, I'm from Dirra uh, direction of Sydney.
Hah.
Did not take you for a city bloke.
Oh, yep.
Just here on, uh, some business and then back to the big smoke.
How do you stand it? Everyone's always bullshitting in the city.
Don't you find? Sure.
Mm, yeah, there's a bit of that.
It's chockful of wank ers (WHISTLES) Uh, that's not my car.
No, I borrowed that from a city wanker.
I drive a '68 Falcon ute.
Alright.
Anyway Um, it was nice to meet you Les from Sydney.
You too, Betty, the vet, from Grafton.
Hey? I, uh, don't suppose you want to go see the Big Banana? Huh.
I thought it'd be bigger.
I don't know, I think it just looks small next to your giant boofhead.
Oh, well, guess that's it, then.
You, uh you feel like a swim? Dunno.
Can we get some cheese and crackers? And a bottle of shampoo? Can we ever! Well, this is terrible.
Bloody awful.
Mmm.
Ah.
Got a pretty good fizz on it.
Yeah, those Frenchies might've been onto something.
Think they might've been onto a few things.
Don't know what you're talkin' about.
Oi! - (LAUGHS) - Hey! (LAUGHS) EDDIE: See, when you borrow money and you don't give it back, it's like you stole it.
And when you steal off a guy like Mr Galese, you gotta think about what he's gonna take from you.
Listen, c-come on, son.
This has all just been a big misunderstanding.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm here.
Just to straighten it all out.
Aah, aah! Aaagh! Courtesy of Price Galese.
Tell your mates! Got us a jug.
Save us a trip to the bar.
And 47 cents.
Be still, my beatin' heart.
You know, uh, there's some nice restaurants down in Sydney.
You come down, maybe I can show you the sights.
Yeah, I've seen 'em.
I went to Sydney Uni, seen the Opera House, seen the concrete, seen the traffic.
Well, if you're not gonna come down to Sydney, maybe I'll swing past Grafton some time.
Oh.
I might not be available.
Why not? Maybe I meet a cowboy with a sick cow.
Forget that guy, he's got problems.
I fix his cow, we ride off into the sunset, on his horse.
I've got my own horse.
We ride off into the sunset on our two horses.
You'd get to the sunset a lot quicker in a XT Falcon.
You reckon? Uh, 'scuse me, Betty, I just gotta go splash my boots.
Might not be any chips when you get back.
I'll take my chances.
So how'd you go? Did you get the cash? I asked a couple of mates to give me a lend.
(GUNS CLICK) Les this is River and Bodie.
G'day, fellas.
So, I thought about what you said, and I talked it through with my associates here, and I've decided that I'm not paying that money back to Price.
Is that right? Are you sure about that? Mm.
See, the thing is, if I don't go back without that money, Price is just gonna send another bloke up here and he's not gonna sort it out with words, he's gonna sort it out with a pop riveter and an old piece of string.
Thing is I'm not scared of Price.
- I'm the big man up here.
- That right? So, how about you crawl on back to Sydney before I put a bullet in your balls, and a couple of new holes in your girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend and that's not my money, so I couldn't give two shits whether you pay it back or not.
But you, really, and I mean really, might want to reconsider ripping off a guy like Price Galese.
Tell him he can suck shit.
Could be controversial, but I'll let him know.
Hey, Les, if someone pulls a gun on you, you use it to smash the bastard's teeth in.
What do you think this game is, mate? It's not all bloody fancy suits and free piss, you know? Sometimes, you gotta get your hands dirty.
- Yeah, I I've got that, boss - Alright.
So, get the money or otherwise I'm gonna come up there and bloody get it meself.
What? That was a bit rough.
Oh, come on.
This'll be the makin' of him.
You know, sure, he's shown a little bit of early promise, but gotta know if the big red galoot's got the minerals to play first grade.
Only one way to find out.
You alright? Yeah, yeah, tops.
Just, uh, I ran into that bloke I'd come up here to see.
Turns out, um, the job's gonna take a bit longer than I thought, so, you're not getting rid of me just yet.
Damn! I only went out with you 'cause I thought I'd never see you again.
Hey, um, I'm going to the disco where my sister works tonight.
You could come if you want? Bring your mate.
Uh, I have to see about work first.
Hey, just pull over here for a sec.
I want to show you something.
Just takes a second for your eyes to get adjusted.
See that? Beautiful.
Yeah.
NARRATOR: Now, any other day, Les'd be making more moves than a Rubik's Cube.
But he had a fair bit on his mind.
Hey, how's this? I follow Tony home from the pub, I wait till he falls asleep, I sneak in on me tippy-toes and I wake him up with a cricket bat.
Bob's your father's brother.
And he sends his feral mates around and shoots you in the face.
- Good one.
- Fuck! How do I get this bastard, then? Well, just tell your boss he done a runner.
He won't fall for that.
- (SIGHS) - Ah, who cares? Aren't you pissing off back to Dirra? Mm.
You're a fencer mate.
You're not some bloody standover man, are ya? - You're absolutely right, mate.
- No, of course I am.
Look, mate, I feel for ya, Les, I really do, you know? But I've got problems of me own at the moment.
Mm? Like what the fuck do you wear to a disco? - (CHUCKLES) - Wear your good gear.
This is my good gear.
You know, I never thought I'd see Les Norton with hair gel in.
(LAUGHS) You've changed, mate.
You can talk.
What have I have I got too much in? Yeah, but it's the look.
Stupid, I don't like discos.
Come on.
- Hey, mate.
- How you going? Five bucks.
Each.
(GROANS) I would not like to get on the wrong side of that guy.
Reckon he left his hospitality in the dryer? - Along with his T-shirt? - (LAUGHS) Change.
('80S POP MUSIC PLAYS) So, this is the disco.
What the hell am I doing at a bloody disco, chasing girls? I should be out there, chasing Tony Levin.
NARRATOR: Les had just about made up his mind to get the hell out of the place and finish the job with Two-Bit Tony, no matter what he had to do to get it done.
But when he saw the girl in the dress, he forgot all about the man with the gun.
Funny that.
Hey, Reg? Bloody hell, Betts.
You could've warned me, I would've reset my pacemaker.
What, this old thing? Hey, uh, this is my artist mate I was telling about, Reg.
Reg, this is, uh, Betty.
- And, uh, this is ? - Oh, this is my sister, Diane.
Hi.
So, what do you paint? Oh, just, like animals and stuff, animals and trees.
Animals in trees, like possums.
Oh, I'm thinking about applying for art school in Melbourne.
Oh, yeah? Maybe you could come check out my stuff some time.
I've just started a big series of nudes.
Yeah, no, I'd love to see your nudes.
Well, not your nudes, anybody's nudes.
Les's nudes, for that matter, I don't I mean, I just I love my nudes, you know? - Sorry.
- (LAUGHS) That's OK.
BETTY: Wow! What do we call this? This is a, uh, Delicious.
It's a Jack and Coke, with a little slice and a bit of ice.
Mmm.
Mmm! Oh.
The next question is, does it come in a jug? Well, when jugs are the question, the answer's always yes.
(ALL LAUGH) Can I have a word, Diane? Um It's my night off, Dwayne, I'm having drinks with friends.
Uh, bye, Dwayne What was his problem? We went out a couple of times, till I realised what a deadshit he is.
Yeah, how long did that take? There's not much talent up here, OK? Oh, there is now.
Isn't that right, Reg? Alright, then, why don't you show us your moves? Well, they don't call me 'Disco Norton' for nothing.
Tell me now, and tell me true Tell me how You found somebody new Tell me mean, tell me kind Either way, you treat me so bad 'Cause, babe, I still can feel your heartbeat Hear your voice tell me so sweet Do you wanna be, do you wanna be - My love? - You said You were gonna be, you were gonna be Mine forever Some are caught, some are lost without cause Some are trying, but are sick of trying, baby Some are tired, some are weak - Get off her! - Dwayne, stop it! You hear what I said, you fuckin' hippy! Don't fuckin' touch her! Oi.
Pull your head in, mate.
Or is that hole in your shirt too small? Everyone's having a good time here and I suggest you do the same thing, yeah? Les! Les, let's go! - Shit.
- Les Very disappointed, Dwayne.
Les, I'm serious, let's get outta here.
See, if this was my club, I'd kick you out.
But considering it's yours, the etiquette's a little confusing.
Maybe you should kick yourself out.
Piss off, dickhead! - (CRACK!) - Aaagh! Aaagh! Ohhh! (GROANS AND PANTS) Sorry about that.
You girls alright? - You right? - I wanna go home! Yeah, I'll I'll drive ya, I'll Sorry about tonight.
Had a whole lot of fun until that Dwayne started arcing up.
You want to, uh You want to smoke a joint? - It'll take the edge off? - No, Les.
I don't want to smoke a joint.
If I had known this is the kind of person you were, I would not have gone out with you in the first place.
Oh I don't even usually do it, eh? It's Reg's.
It's not that.
I don't want to be with someone who thinks that cracking heads is the way to sort things out.
He he had a go at Reg.
I You could have calmed that whole thing down.
He started it.
I I'm finishing it.
(CLOSES CAR DOOR) Shit.
BETTY: Did you hear what Les did? He killed that guy.
- What guy? - You know, he is not the Les that I thought he was.
I want to be with (HORSE NEIGHS) cowboy man.
Hold my sarsaparilla, partner.
Don't spill it.
EMILY: Les! - You're under arrest.
- What did I do? You went left when you should have gone right.
Stick 'em up.
But I can't spill the drink.
Sometimes, you gotta get your hands dirty.
(HORSE NEIGHS) - (WHIP CRACKS) - CHENILLE: Do you like that? You gonna let them get away with that? What should I do? Disco.
Dance like a monkey.
(MONKEY SHRIEKS) (GUNSHOT ECHOES) What happened to you? Had to get my hands dirty.
What is that? What's it look like? Where'd you get that? Found it in the bush.
How much do you reckon it's worth? 15 grand if it's any good.
Yeah? Which it's not.
Mate (LAUGHS) It's still in the ground 'cause it wasn't worth the effort to pull it up.
What's wrong with it? Well, look here.
It's full of seeds, for starters.
Look closer, it doesn't have them sticky little red hairs that I was talking about.
It's piss, mate.
(LAUGHS) Fuck! Morning.
Hey, darl.
Now, I don't know the first thing about wacky backy, but I figured if you can help me sell it for more than what Price is owed, maybe you and me can split the diff.
- What do you reckon? - Yeah, give us a look.
Any good? I'd have to have a smoke first.
Oh, yeah, uh, sure.
He, uh he gave me a sampler.
It's all yours, mate.
I wouldn't know the difference.
(COUGHS) Well, you're out of luck, Les.
It's nothing special.
Average.
At best.
Oh, well.
Worth a try, I suppose.
Better hit the toe, then.
Back to Sydney, eh? Face the music.
You know, maybe I could do you a favour.
Take that off your hands for cheap? Make up for all that other palaver? - Yeah.
- I'll give you 12.
No questions asked.
That's me being generous, you understand? You're a bloody life saver, Tony.
Tell old Price we're sorted.
I don't want to have come down there and kick his arse, you understand? All square.
You lucky bastard! Mate, luck had nothing to do with it.
We're a pair of bloody artistes.
(LAUGHS) Oi.
What's this? Just a little somethin' for lettin' me stay and helpin' me out.
Oh.
Now you can paint all the masterpieces you can poke a pointy stick at.
Bloody hell, Les.
Looks like everything's comin' up roses, eh? Yeah.
Yeah.
('MY BABY' BY COLD CHISEL PLAYS) I know this little girl, she's quite a picture I do my very best, oh, boy, to keep her She's got what it takes to warm my soul Now, maybe it's the way she wears no make-up Doesn't think she's got the legs that shape up She can't rock but, boy, she I said I didn't want to see you.
Yeah, look, I'm heading to Sydney and you'll never have to see me again, but there's something I have to tell you.
My baby I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for not being honest with who I am.
I don't know, maybe maybe I was trying to impress ya.
I'm not a businessman.
I'm a bloody doorman in King's Cross.
Since I moved to the city, you know, I've seen some things and I've done some things that I'm not too proud of.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I do sort things out with my fists too much.
Maybe I do need to take a long, hard look at myself.
Should have just been honest with me from the start.
Fair enough.
Well, I've said my piece.
Bye, Betty.
My baby Les! Come here, you big boofhead.
('MY BABY' BY COLD CHISEL CONTINUES) Hoo! Notes of passionfruit.
Look at all the hairs on it.
Could be worth twice what we paid, eh? Oh, it's sticky as.
Bloody hell! That reeks! Uh (SNIFFS) (BETTY LAUGHS AND BREATHES HEAVILY) (BOTH MOAN) Oh! Les? Mm.
Do you shave? Down there? Funny story that.
(BOTH LAUGH) NARRATOR: Les was real tempted to kick back for a few more fun-filled days in Coffs, but with Price's words ringing in his ears, he had no option but to turn tail and fang it back to Sin City.
Well done, mate.
I knew you had it in you.
Aah.
Hey, so, tell us, what you do to that Two-Bit Tony? Uh.
Oh Yeah.
Uh (LAUGHS) You know I don't like to kiss and tell, boss.
Ah, well, OK.
Fair enough.
Yeah, best if I don't know where the bodies are buried, eh? Yeah.
Look, I'm, uh I'm real sorry I took so long with the car, eh? No.
Don't worry about it! You know, the wife'll find something else to be crook about tomorrow.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh, hello, this is probably her now.
I might hit the toe, eh? (CLEARS THROAT) - Night, Georgie.
- Bye, Les.
Price Galese.
Eh? What do you what do you mean they bloody took it? I mean some bloke from Customs prised open the crate and found a great bloody illegal roulette wheel in there and, mate, it was all I could do just to keep your name out of it.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
The Minister was supposed to take care of it.
All care, no responsibility by the sounds of it.
Yeah, and what are they gonna do with it? Gonna go up in smoke at the next government burn.
Well Well, did you did you at least get to to have a look at it? What ? Hey, what'd she look like? She's a real beauty, Price.
Alright, mate.
We'll let you know if anything else turns up.
Right, cheers.
Hope we didn't ruin his night.
Sounded to me like he was trying very hard not to cry.
Hmm.
Poor old Pricey.
(CHUCKLES) See, he's spent so long at the top of the pile, it must be weird to have his whole world collapsing at his ears.
You know, the only thing worse than not having any pull is not having any pull anymore.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) - Ray.
- Minister.
Tough break for Price with the roulette wheel.
Well, I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
You catch that rat? What rat? Price didn't tell you about the Internal Affairs thing? - No.
- Hmm.
Must have slipped his mind.
Oh.
Peak hour.
Ah! The great state of Montana.
Don't mind if I do.
Bloody Minister guaranteed he'd take care of it.
The old one's fine.
No, but who's gonna come and see this? They don't come for the wheels and the tables.
They come for you.
You're the ring master.
The strongman.
The lion tamer.
If we're the circus you're the bloody show.
(SIGHS) (KEYS JANGLE) (CHUCKLES) NARRATOR: Les reckoned he might have found himself the one.
The Big Banana.
The real thing.
But falling in love's like telling a joke, it's all about timing.
(PHONE RINGS) Bundaberg Disposals.
- Les? - Yeah.
- Who's this? - It's Emily.
How did you get my number? I'm a cop.
(LAUGHS) What, you lot onto me for something? As a matter of fact, I am.
How's dinner at my place sound? Les? Did you think it was weird that I called you? Yeah.
I thought it was a little odd, to tell the truth, but Sometimes you get tired of dancing around the truth, you know? I've been looking into Doreen Bognor.
Brothel madam.
Sorry? You ever meet her? No.
No, I I never had the pleasure.
Sorry for banging on about work.
- Nah.
- Shall we watch a video? - Always up for a video.
- Great.
Ahh! What are we watching? Wait and find out.
Ah! Is this one of them, uh, documentaries? Don't mind me a good documentary.
Yeah, no, this is a documentary.
About you.
Talking to Doreen Bognor, the woman you never met.
Well? How do you explain that? It's a funny story, that.
I'm all ears.
OK.
Well, um Well, there I am, you know, having a chat with Dolores.
Wait, Dolores.
Les, that's Doreen.
(LAUGHS) Yeah Good one.
I know they're twins and all that, but, I mean, if you look closely, it's Well, it's obvious, right? I wouldn't I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.
I mean I'm a bit more worried about how you came across this tape in the first place.
I mean, CCTV footage from a knock shop? That's not easy to get your hands on.
I hope it was all above board.
Listen, Les, we both know what's happening here.
Bloody oath.
And, frankly, I'm worried.
I mean, I think you might be in a lot of shit here.
I'm trying to help you.
Yeah, Well, same here.
What were you doing in a brothel, anyway? About time I, uh I hit the frog, huh? Hey, thanks for dinner.
Yeah.
(DOOR CLOSES) Did you get all that? Guess who's got a run training with the Eastern Suburbs Roosters tomorrow? (GRUNTS) No-one comes inside.
Do you understand? You reckon you're not the rat, eh? We know she was murdered.
Did you have anything to do with it? Well, are you asking as a cop or a mate? - I'm Chenille, by the way.
- Oh.
But all the girls call me Chazzy.
Oh, I'm Dolores.
But all the boys call me Dolly.
She crossed the line.
She's stalking me family.
I want her in the ground.
So, you reckon you've got what it takes to run with the big dogs.
Snorty Norty! We tracked him down, Bevvy.
We're going to Sydney to kill him.
Tonight, over we go!