Letterkenny (2016) s05e06 Episode Script
Bock et Biche
You were sippin' suds with your buds the other day Hey, Dary, real quick.
"Blank, lunch and dinner.
" Breh-fekst.
Oh, boy.
Can I be honest with you guys for a sec? Oh, careful, Dary.
I'd suggest everything you've said up until now has been a lie.
And you've said lots of things.
Like, when someone starts a sentence with "Don't take this the wrong way" Guess what? I already did.
Yeah, the same thing if people start a sentence by saying, "You're gonna hate me for saying this" Guess what? I already do.
Or, when people start a sentence by saying, "You're not gonna wanna hear this" Guess what? I already don't.
No, it's just an observation.
Well I'm curious as to know why you thought it required a preface.
Well, because I'm aware of how it might sound.
Quit beatin' around the bush, Dary.
Yeah, Dary, I don't remember you been such an around-the-bush beater.
Oh, fine, now I'm not even gonna say it.
Say it.
The only thing worse than saying, "You're not gonna wanna hear this," is when someone says they have something to say, and they don't say it.
You're digging your heels in like a 12-year-old girl.
When in doubt, spit's it out.
Okay, fine, I'm gonna say it.
Okay, here goes.
You know micro-brewing? Like, craft beer? Yeah.
I always thought it was "craft beard," on account of the guys who make it always have beards.
So, it was all that for just this then, eh? Thank you for inviting us into the circle of trust, Dary.
I believe the preferred term is, "lumbersexuals.
" Well, "craft beard" makes a pocket-load more sense.
You know, craft beards doesn't really bother me.
But it's the clever wordplay that goes into the naming of it that I finds hard to swallow.
Like, "So hoppy together," or "Barley breathing.
" Now, why don't you just call them what it is? It's fuckin' beer.
"Beer and headlights.
" Yeah.
I'll contribute.
"Ale by comparison.
" Stout and about.
Sounds actually pretty good, "Stout and about.
" Stout and about's not bad at all, actually.
I'd drink some stout and about.
I'm surprised we're not drinking a stout and about right now.
I think what you wanna do is you wanna put an animal in the name 'cause people love animals.
Like, "Cute Koala Cream," or "Happy Hamster Honey.
" No, no.
What you wanna do is you wanna put a berry in the name 'cause people love berries.
"Partridge Berry Pilsner," or "Alderberry Ale.
" Pleasing to the ears and the mouth.
No, Dary.
Dary, no.
No, Dan.
Dan, no.
No, Katy.
Katy, no.
What you're exposed to do, is put something cozy in the names 'cuz people like being cozy, right? Like "toque" or "mittens.
" And then, if you really wanna double down on it, you put something outdoorsy in the name because people love being outdoors.
Like, "lake," or "mountains.
" So what it's really gonna boil down to is "Toque Lake Brew co," or "Mountain Mittens Alpine Ale.
" "Blanket Fire Light.
" There you go, Dary.
The other ways to go is to use a clever, but ironical statement.
Like, "I'm bitters.
" See, I'd go suggestive.
Like, "Slip-it-in cider.
" Katy.
What? Let's get this gal a fuckin' puppers.
Dary, have a shot? I'd have a shot.
Dan, have a shot? I'd have a shot.
McMurray, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
Tyson, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
JB, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
Fuck, boys let's have a shot.
G'day? Et Jean-Carl.
Et Jean-Pierre.
Mes amis.
Are you's up at your chalet in the Laurentians having a Laurentide, or what? You know, you's got some pretty choice gins there in Q-bec.
You ought to hammer on one of those.
Can do.
What, like, a buck-and-doe? Numbers? Well, I happen to be sitting with the first team all-stars as we speak.
A bientot.
Who wants to go to a buck-and-doe in Q-bec? Stag-and-doe, I'll never say no.
A Jack-and-Jill, always a thrill.
Drink-and-dance till you shit your pants.
Love a good turn-and-stomp.
Love a sip-and-spin.
What's a sip-and-spin? Who the fuck are you? A sip-and-spin Stag-and-doe Jacks-and-Jills Drink-and-dance Turn-and-stomp Or a buck-and-doe, is a pre-wedding party thrown by the best man and maid of honor to raise money for the bride and groom's big day.
Oh, cool.
Get the fuck out of here, dude.
In Winnipeg, they call them "socials.
" Can confirm.
You know, Winnipeg has a very large.
Ukranian population.
Not too many people know that.
Hey, Jewish and ltalian, too.
Not too many people know that.
Whose gulp and grind is it? Remember Anik? Oh Well, that's why you gotta strike while the iron's hot, big shooter.
Another French gal that got away.
I can't catch a break.
Who's drivin'? Oh, fuck , not me, I'm hammered.
Dary, you hammered? Oh, I'm hammered.
Dan, you hammered? Oh, I'm hammered.
McMurray, hammered? I'm hammered.
Tyson, you hammered? I'm hammered.
JB, you hammered? I'm hammered.
Fuck, boys, we're hammered.
And how's that for ya? Well, it's not too bad for me, but right about now it's not smart, really.
Well, I'm not missin' out on French boys.
Look, I'll drive, but I'm not fittin' all of youse in my truck.
Pete and Repeat.
Guys wanna go to a buck and doe? Oh, fuck, yeah.
I didn't even know there's a drink and dance tonight.
How we not know about a swing-and-sway? It's not here, it's in Quebec.
I got no reason to say no.
Let's slam some rheumy skin.
Let's get our meat smoked, boys.
Fire a little batch of Celine Dijon.
Let's go.
Okay.
Good.
You're drivin'.
Hold your horses now, hold your horses.
All right? McMurray, how are you, now? I'm a teensy bit concerned, Wayne.
How's that? What's the problem, McMurray? Youse guys got some French pals who want us English dudes to go to their party in Quebec, right? Right as Dan's jerk hand.
Right.
Except, youse gotta realize that, in all likelihood, your French pals probably have some French pals who doesn't want us English dudes to go to their party in Quebec.
Right? Left.
Right.
Quebec damn near left Canada.
Separatism is alive and well in Quebec right now, mon freres.
Well, they just had the referendum damn near yesterday.
Mmm.
If, by "yesterday," you mean a quarter of centuries ago, then, yeah, I can back that.
I said, "It feels like.
" No, you didn't.
Did, too.
No, you didn't.
Did too.
Did not.
See? The French is causing separation separatism right here, right now Settle down, McMurray.
Alls I'm sayin' is, if they're not happy to see me, then I ain't pretending to be happy to see them.
You heard it here first.
When a friend asks for help , you help him, and that's all there is to it.
Dary, you'll have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
Dan, you have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
Tyson, have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
JB, you have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
I don't even know what your fuckin' names are.
We'll have a scrap.
Fuck, boys.
Let's have a scrap.
I'll have a scrap, too.
My terms are non-negotiable.
This is gonna be a long drive.
Wait up, sum'bitches.
Whoopsie Goldberg.
Hey, come over here and shake my hand, good buddy.
Oh, it's Stompin' Tom .
Is that fella Cock Quacin still bummin' around? How's Jim Cutey and Micheal Bubbly? About as good as Kim Mitchell, there, Cocket Richard.
Yeah, long live the hip.
Here we go now.
So you guys got Celine Dion all cued up in there? What's the scoop? We've got All-anus Morissette.
Who are youse? Excusez-moi.
Cute.
Jean-Guy.
Jean-Pierre.
Jean-Carl.
That's Anik.
McMurray.
Yeah, I guess that makes me Jean McMurray.
McMurray.
I've been called worse.
And Jean Daryl? Jean Dan? That's Jean Squirrelly Dan.
I'm Jean C.
Reilly.
I'm Jean Bons Jonsi.
Actually, my middle name's John.
You know, French people don't have middle names, right? Anik.
Jean-Claude.
Jean-Lance.
"Buck and doe.
" He wouldn't let me invite English family to the wedding.
So I said we have to have a buck and doe so they could be included.
Well, how very charitable of you.
Wow, si, mon frere.
Youse go grab us a pint.
I'll get the tickets.
Very good old boy.
Oui.
No girlfriend? Pourquoi? Oh, no, no, no.
No, no.
Okay.
Okay.
Mo.
Very hot.
Okay.
My niece.
Beautiful.
But Merci, monsieur Jean Claude What is it? Drink it.
I'm gonna have a piss.
Throw a few darts first, maybe.
Jesus H! That is fucking good.
Sortilege.
Maple-syrup whiskey.
What a pairing! Mm-hmm.
That's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
lsn't that good? No, that's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
Fuck, boys.
That's good! Fuck, boys.
I'd have another round.
Next round's on us, boys.
Let's go! So what do youse guys do for work? Jean-Pierre works at Jacutsue.
And what about you, Jean-Carl? Uh, me? You know TD? TD Bank? Huh? TD.
TD Bank.
Titty Bank? Yeah.
"TD.
" Titty Bank.
Titty Bank.
TD Bank? TD Bank.
Huh? TD.
TD Bank.
Huh? TD Bank.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
Huh? Come on.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
I wanna make sure I'm hearing this right.
"Titty bank"? Titty bank.
Oui.
TD Bank.
I'm not happy.
No? But it's your bock et biche.
I thought I was.
Planning the wedding was a nightmare.
And then, I saw you.
Titty bank? So like, a rip club That's what I thought.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
It is "TD Bank.
" Oh Tee-Dee Bank.
Yeah.
TD Bank.
Jean-Guy, you have a scrap? Jean-Carl, have a scrap? Jean-Pierre, have a scrap? I'll have a scrap.
Fuck, boys, let's have a scrap.
So what was all this talk about a titty bank? Is it close by or MapQuest it? Or Should we get a motel, and stay the night, or McMurray.
Katy.
So you know? You hear that? Oh.
That's the most aggressive two-step I think I ever heard.
That's no two-step.
Huh? It's showtime.
You must forgive me for not washing my hands We gotta go! Roger.
I told him I couldn't marry him.
Is that what you did? I told him I was not happy.
Good enough.
I told him I was in love with an Englishman.
Good enough? I told him I was in love with you.
That's good stuff.
Do you like to dance? I fuckin' love to dance.
Let's go.
"Blank, lunch and dinner.
" Breh-fekst.
Oh, boy.
Can I be honest with you guys for a sec? Oh, careful, Dary.
I'd suggest everything you've said up until now has been a lie.
And you've said lots of things.
Like, when someone starts a sentence with "Don't take this the wrong way" Guess what? I already did.
Yeah, the same thing if people start a sentence by saying, "You're gonna hate me for saying this" Guess what? I already do.
Or, when people start a sentence by saying, "You're not gonna wanna hear this" Guess what? I already don't.
No, it's just an observation.
Well I'm curious as to know why you thought it required a preface.
Well, because I'm aware of how it might sound.
Quit beatin' around the bush, Dary.
Yeah, Dary, I don't remember you been such an around-the-bush beater.
Oh, fine, now I'm not even gonna say it.
Say it.
The only thing worse than saying, "You're not gonna wanna hear this," is when someone says they have something to say, and they don't say it.
You're digging your heels in like a 12-year-old girl.
When in doubt, spit's it out.
Okay, fine, I'm gonna say it.
Okay, here goes.
You know micro-brewing? Like, craft beer? Yeah.
I always thought it was "craft beard," on account of the guys who make it always have beards.
So, it was all that for just this then, eh? Thank you for inviting us into the circle of trust, Dary.
I believe the preferred term is, "lumbersexuals.
" Well, "craft beard" makes a pocket-load more sense.
You know, craft beards doesn't really bother me.
But it's the clever wordplay that goes into the naming of it that I finds hard to swallow.
Like, "So hoppy together," or "Barley breathing.
" Now, why don't you just call them what it is? It's fuckin' beer.
"Beer and headlights.
" Yeah.
I'll contribute.
"Ale by comparison.
" Stout and about.
Sounds actually pretty good, "Stout and about.
" Stout and about's not bad at all, actually.
I'd drink some stout and about.
I'm surprised we're not drinking a stout and about right now.
I think what you wanna do is you wanna put an animal in the name 'cause people love animals.
Like, "Cute Koala Cream," or "Happy Hamster Honey.
" No, no.
What you wanna do is you wanna put a berry in the name 'cause people love berries.
"Partridge Berry Pilsner," or "Alderberry Ale.
" Pleasing to the ears and the mouth.
No, Dary.
Dary, no.
No, Dan.
Dan, no.
No, Katy.
Katy, no.
What you're exposed to do, is put something cozy in the names 'cuz people like being cozy, right? Like "toque" or "mittens.
" And then, if you really wanna double down on it, you put something outdoorsy in the name because people love being outdoors.
Like, "lake," or "mountains.
" So what it's really gonna boil down to is "Toque Lake Brew co," or "Mountain Mittens Alpine Ale.
" "Blanket Fire Light.
" There you go, Dary.
The other ways to go is to use a clever, but ironical statement.
Like, "I'm bitters.
" See, I'd go suggestive.
Like, "Slip-it-in cider.
" Katy.
What? Let's get this gal a fuckin' puppers.
Dary, have a shot? I'd have a shot.
Dan, have a shot? I'd have a shot.
McMurray, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
Tyson, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
JB, have a shot? I'll have a shot.
Fuck, boys let's have a shot.
G'day? Et Jean-Carl.
Et Jean-Pierre.
Mes amis.
Are you's up at your chalet in the Laurentians having a Laurentide, or what? You know, you's got some pretty choice gins there in Q-bec.
You ought to hammer on one of those.
Can do.
What, like, a buck-and-doe? Numbers? Well, I happen to be sitting with the first team all-stars as we speak.
A bientot.
Who wants to go to a buck-and-doe in Q-bec? Stag-and-doe, I'll never say no.
A Jack-and-Jill, always a thrill.
Drink-and-dance till you shit your pants.
Love a good turn-and-stomp.
Love a sip-and-spin.
What's a sip-and-spin? Who the fuck are you? A sip-and-spin Stag-and-doe Jacks-and-Jills Drink-and-dance Turn-and-stomp Or a buck-and-doe, is a pre-wedding party thrown by the best man and maid of honor to raise money for the bride and groom's big day.
Oh, cool.
Get the fuck out of here, dude.
In Winnipeg, they call them "socials.
" Can confirm.
You know, Winnipeg has a very large.
Ukranian population.
Not too many people know that.
Hey, Jewish and ltalian, too.
Not too many people know that.
Whose gulp and grind is it? Remember Anik? Oh Well, that's why you gotta strike while the iron's hot, big shooter.
Another French gal that got away.
I can't catch a break.
Who's drivin'? Oh, fuck , not me, I'm hammered.
Dary, you hammered? Oh, I'm hammered.
Dan, you hammered? Oh, I'm hammered.
McMurray, hammered? I'm hammered.
Tyson, you hammered? I'm hammered.
JB, you hammered? I'm hammered.
Fuck, boys, we're hammered.
And how's that for ya? Well, it's not too bad for me, but right about now it's not smart, really.
Well, I'm not missin' out on French boys.
Look, I'll drive, but I'm not fittin' all of youse in my truck.
Pete and Repeat.
Guys wanna go to a buck and doe? Oh, fuck, yeah.
I didn't even know there's a drink and dance tonight.
How we not know about a swing-and-sway? It's not here, it's in Quebec.
I got no reason to say no.
Let's slam some rheumy skin.
Let's get our meat smoked, boys.
Fire a little batch of Celine Dijon.
Let's go.
Okay.
Good.
You're drivin'.
Hold your horses now, hold your horses.
All right? McMurray, how are you, now? I'm a teensy bit concerned, Wayne.
How's that? What's the problem, McMurray? Youse guys got some French pals who want us English dudes to go to their party in Quebec, right? Right as Dan's jerk hand.
Right.
Except, youse gotta realize that, in all likelihood, your French pals probably have some French pals who doesn't want us English dudes to go to their party in Quebec.
Right? Left.
Right.
Quebec damn near left Canada.
Separatism is alive and well in Quebec right now, mon freres.
Well, they just had the referendum damn near yesterday.
Mmm.
If, by "yesterday," you mean a quarter of centuries ago, then, yeah, I can back that.
I said, "It feels like.
" No, you didn't.
Did, too.
No, you didn't.
Did too.
Did not.
See? The French is causing separation separatism right here, right now Settle down, McMurray.
Alls I'm sayin' is, if they're not happy to see me, then I ain't pretending to be happy to see them.
You heard it here first.
When a friend asks for help , you help him, and that's all there is to it.
Dary, you'll have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
Dan, you have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
Tyson, have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
JB, you have a scrap? I'd have a scrap.
I don't even know what your fuckin' names are.
We'll have a scrap.
Fuck, boys.
Let's have a scrap.
I'll have a scrap, too.
My terms are non-negotiable.
This is gonna be a long drive.
Wait up, sum'bitches.
Whoopsie Goldberg.
Hey, come over here and shake my hand, good buddy.
Oh, it's Stompin' Tom .
Is that fella Cock Quacin still bummin' around? How's Jim Cutey and Micheal Bubbly? About as good as Kim Mitchell, there, Cocket Richard.
Yeah, long live the hip.
Here we go now.
So you guys got Celine Dion all cued up in there? What's the scoop? We've got All-anus Morissette.
Who are youse? Excusez-moi.
Cute.
Jean-Guy.
Jean-Pierre.
Jean-Carl.
That's Anik.
McMurray.
Yeah, I guess that makes me Jean McMurray.
McMurray.
I've been called worse.
And Jean Daryl? Jean Dan? That's Jean Squirrelly Dan.
I'm Jean C.
Reilly.
I'm Jean Bons Jonsi.
Actually, my middle name's John.
You know, French people don't have middle names, right? Anik.
Jean-Claude.
Jean-Lance.
"Buck and doe.
" He wouldn't let me invite English family to the wedding.
So I said we have to have a buck and doe so they could be included.
Well, how very charitable of you.
Wow, si, mon frere.
Youse go grab us a pint.
I'll get the tickets.
Very good old boy.
Oui.
No girlfriend? Pourquoi? Oh, no, no, no.
No, no.
Okay.
Okay.
Mo.
Very hot.
Okay.
My niece.
Beautiful.
But Merci, monsieur Jean Claude What is it? Drink it.
I'm gonna have a piss.
Throw a few darts first, maybe.
Jesus H! That is fucking good.
Sortilege.
Maple-syrup whiskey.
What a pairing! Mm-hmm.
That's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
lsn't that good? No, that's good.
lsn't that good? That's good.
Fuck, boys.
That's good! Fuck, boys.
I'd have another round.
Next round's on us, boys.
Let's go! So what do youse guys do for work? Jean-Pierre works at Jacutsue.
And what about you, Jean-Carl? Uh, me? You know TD? TD Bank? Huh? TD.
TD Bank.
Titty Bank? Yeah.
"TD.
" Titty Bank.
Titty Bank.
TD Bank? TD Bank.
Huh? TD.
TD Bank.
Huh? TD Bank.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
Huh? Come on.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
I wanna make sure I'm hearing this right.
"Titty bank"? Titty bank.
Oui.
TD Bank.
I'm not happy.
No? But it's your bock et biche.
I thought I was.
Planning the wedding was a nightmare.
And then, I saw you.
Titty bank? So like, a rip club That's what I thought.
TD Bank.
TD Bank.
It is "TD Bank.
" Oh Tee-Dee Bank.
Yeah.
TD Bank.
Jean-Guy, you have a scrap? Jean-Carl, have a scrap? Jean-Pierre, have a scrap? I'll have a scrap.
Fuck, boys, let's have a scrap.
So what was all this talk about a titty bank? Is it close by or MapQuest it? Or Should we get a motel, and stay the night, or McMurray.
Katy.
So you know? You hear that? Oh.
That's the most aggressive two-step I think I ever heard.
That's no two-step.
Huh? It's showtime.
You must forgive me for not washing my hands We gotta go! Roger.
I told him I couldn't marry him.
Is that what you did? I told him I was not happy.
Good enough.
I told him I was in love with an Englishman.
Good enough? I told him I was in love with you.
That's good stuff.
Do you like to dance? I fuckin' love to dance.
Let's go.