Life & Beth (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

Life & Beth

1 Beth! It's so easy.
People trust you and everything that led you to this moment your instincts, your taste, the taste because it tastes good.
I mean, this wine is just so drinkable, right? I mean, this is your "couple coming in for a quick dinner before catching a Broadway show wanting to throw back a few glasses or bottles so they're in a good headspace to see the racial injustices of To Kill a Mockingbird or Rent.
" I like it, I'm just not bananas about it.
- Exactly.
- What was the one we were, like, bananas for? - Um, Raw Dog.
- Yes! Oh, my God, I love Raw Dog.
What if it were that? Right, no, I wish it were that.
I love that, but if you guys like bubbles, we have a champagne that'll just Knock your blocks off.
- I actually love champagne.
- Stop.
- Yeah.
- I love champagne.
- That's insane.
- Yeah.
And I just brought it up.
I've always said, um, champagne makes you feel like you're celebrating.
I don't know if that registers.
Okay, that is mind-blowing.
I never thought of it that way.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
And actually, my-my partner is the champagne rep for my same company.
So if you ever wanted That's sweet.
My my aunt's gay, so I get it.
I'm not gay, but I just I say "partner" because I feel a little bit embarrassed saying "boyfriend" just because I'm, like, you know, barreling toward 40.
You don't look 40.
Really? Thanks.
That's funny.
I feel 100.
Yeah, Matt, my boyfriend/partner always he always says I seem like I'm 100 just 'cause, you know, I'm like, whatever.
He's really funny.
That's he always says stuff like that.
Like a rain cloud, all this, you know, he's that guy who's, like, life of the party, he has a million stories, he's so - Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
And we-we could get married, of course, and we will, um.
I just you know, we're-we're happy with the way things are right now.
So, you know, it's one of those, like, "Why change," um, yeah.
I don't even know if I want kids.
What was the question? - No one asked a question.
- Right.
Uh, no, I, um, I wanna hear about you.
Now, that is a story I'm interested how did you two get in this business? - Oh, no.
- No, no.
You are so interesting.
I mean, I'll say it, you two are mysterious.
I wouldn't say we're mysterious.
- I do get that.
- Um, but it is we are we do have kind of, like, a fascinating story.
It's, like, actually insane if you wanna hear it.
Tell me every single thing.
So I went to BU, and I majored in communications, and - Yeah.
- Stop.
And I transferred into BU from Tufts.
- From Tufts.
- And I double-majored in communications and marketing, so.
- Stop.
- Why can't you stay for lunch? I hate you, and now I loved you, - and now I hate you.
- I know.
I wanna stab myself in the fucking neck.
Like, get my aorta or whatever it is.
Yes, jugular.
But we are going to see Jewel when your stepmom and Jim are back in town.
- We are going to see Jewel! - Yes! Yes! This is us in the audience.
- Yes! - You know it.
- Okay, you guys.
Keep killing.
- Oh, my God.
This is honestly the best day of my life.
- You better work.
- Bye, doll.
Good afternoon, everyone.
As we head into our most important quarter of the year here at Kerig, I wanna plant a seed in your minds as salespeople.
When I got to this company, it was failing, flatlining, and spiraling, and now I am proud to say we are plateauing.
- Oh, go ahead.
You can clap.
- Okay.
We don't pretend to be better than who we are.
And what are we? - Mediocre? - That's right mediocre.
I want everyone at karaoke tonight.
Our biggest clients will be in attendance, and with the Glaser Group, I want Matt running point, and Beth, you're gonna be positioned as whatever the guy who helps the point does.
They never remember me, though.
The Glaser Group.
I'm just Beth, you're gonna make 'em remember you, and you're gonna sing tonight.
In fact, I expect all of you to sing your tushies off.
- And Clark over here, Clark.
- Yes? Nothing from Moana.
It's not age-appropriate.
- All right, Beth.
- Yeah.
Did you unload any of our fine malbecs today? Yeah, um, I made some promises I'm not looking forward to keeping, but I sold 70 cases in the room.
- Whoa-oh! - Wow.
So yeah, first appointment.
Yeah! That-a-girl! All right.
Come on, ring the bell.
Uh, I I'd rather skip it.
No, no, you did so good.
- Come on, ring the bell.
- Yeah? Come on, they want you to do it.
Come on.
Yes! All right.
- Matt! Hey.
- Oh, my God! Matty, how are ya? How'd it go out there today, buddy? - Hi, baby.
- Hey.
Well, I wanna apologize to everybody.
So I thought I'd be celebrating with you all with some champagne, but I sold it all! Oh, my God, you broke that bell! You got me! Were you at Gramercy today? No, I was in the private room at um, uh Beth, what's that fuckin' uh, Daniel? - Daniél.
Very fancy.
- Daniél! That Zagat jerk-off frog palace everybody jerks off to.
- Guess who walks in? - I don't know.
Oh, I'm blanking on his name.
The it's the rapper with the with the gravelly voice? Oh, Pitbull? That guy? Fucking Pitbulls.
I could vomit.
I hate that wiseass.
So Pitbulls comes into the private room, lights a cigar, and starts talking full blast on his cell phone.
So I said, "Hey! Little man.
This is a private event.
Take a hike.
" What? - Yeah.
- Wait.
You actually said that to Pitbulls? - I did.
- This is hilarious! I think it's just "Pitbull.
" You know, not "Pitbulls.
" Like, it's not plural, it's just one Pitbull.
But y oh, no, no, go ahead.
It doesn't matter.
So then what happened? This is insane! Why are you obsessed with grammar? No, no, no, no, no.
Go, go, tell them we're having Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry for messing up the flow of that Pitbull story.
Oh, no, I don't even think it was him.
I just thought it would sound funny.
Listen, I saw you ringing the sales bell? - Yeah.
- It went good today? Yeah, it went well, yeah.
- That's great.
That's great.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna go shopping with my mom, so.
Tell her I love her.
Yeah, I'll tell her you love her.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- Hey.
- Hi.
We're all here to support you tonight.
But between you and me, if Glaser doesn't go exclusive, I'm gonna have to start letting people go.
- I got this.
- Yeah! Who's my quarterback? There he goes! Come on! Whoa! Wayne Brady! There he is! Listen, Beth, they're asking for names for East Coast sales manager.
What do you think? - Meaning - Mm-hmm.
Uh, I well, I'm interested, I think, - if if that's what you mean.
- You think? Well, isn't Matt up for this? I mean Well, honestly, Matt's right where he needs to be.
Uh, let me put it this way.
Elizabeth Taylor stars in the movie.
She doesn't direct it, you know what I mean? No, but, um yeah, but, okay.
I think I'm interested, yeah.
I'm doing my best to connect with ya.
Let's talk numbers.
You'd be making 100K a year, still no health insurance, and three days in Naples, Florida.
Naples, Florida.
That's I-I'm interested, yes.
Please submit my name or whatever.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Beth! Hi! Oh! Come here! Hi! Hi! Oh, you look so healthy.
You look tired.
How's your back? - It was feeling better.
- Good.
I'm taking you to a fancy store.
How is my Matty? He's good, he says "hi.
" - He loves you.
- Aw.
Oh, I love him.
I love him back.
If anything ever happens with you two, I will be there for him.
I want him to know that.
That's weird.
This place is expensive.
We should go somewhere else.
Elsewhere, and no.
I wanna get you something from here.
I got approved for a Mastercard.
And I want you shopping in stores like this, not Always 22 or wherever you normally shop.
Would you ladies care for some champagne? Oh, uh, no thanks.
- No.
- No thanks.
No, I don't drink.
I never have.
I have low blood sugar.
But my daughter drinks a lot.
But apparently not today.
Oh, um.
That's a lot of information to give a stranger.
Yeah, well, it's fine.
She sells wine for a living.
Oh! Dream job.
What kind of wine? Oh, mostly reds.
I but I I work for a company called Kerig Cellars.
It's a wine distributor.
I thought that was coffee.
That's what I always don't I always say that? - You do.
- That's so funny.
- It's not that funny.
- So funny.
It's really not.
It's, um, yeah.
It it's spelled differently, and it's a wine company.
But it sounds the same, so.
Right, but it is different, so.
People think anyway, now I'm thinking about coffee.
I would like a cappuccino, whole milk, dry, no sweetener.
- I have my own Stevia in my bag.
- Okay.
This isn't, like she's not a barista.
Oh, she's fine.
She can do it, she can do it.
What's your name, dear? Aminata.
Amina Aminata? - Yeah.
- Oh.
- Where are you from? - Queens.
- My parents are from Mali.
- Oh.
I went to Peru last year.
Actually, I will take the the champagne.
Thank you.
Thank you, Aminata.
It's a beautiful name.
- Mali's nowhere near Peru.
- So? It's it's not a good thing.
Well, I'm honey, I'm sorry.
People enjoy talking to me, and that makes you jealous.
It's okay.
- People like talking to me.
- Mm-hmm.
A lot of people like talking to me.
I'm up for a huge promotion at work.
- Well.
- It's huge.
They're very lucky to have you.
Okay, well because it's a great job.
It's very great, actually.
People think it's really it's really cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay? And the-the clients we're taking out tonight - are are a big deal.
- Okay.
Well, sweetheart, I just I don't know.
I I I always thought you would do something bigger.
Bigger? What are you talking about? I make good money.
No, I'm no.
I mean, like more special.
Like volleyball.
You were always so good at volleyball.
Oh, my God, Mom.
You think I should be a professional volleyball player? Well, that's just one example.
All I'm saying, sweetheart, you can be anything you wanna be.
Are you seeing someone? Jerome is a friend.
Um A friend? A very special friend.
He also happens to be the only man I have ever truly cared about.
That's great, Mom.
I invited him to Matt's party.
What? - What? - Well I can't believe you're not happy for me.
Is it appropriate, Mom? I mean, is he single? Oh.
We are just friends.
And you know what? You are unhappy in your own life.
I am so happy.
I am probably the most happy, satisfied person in this entire mall.
I am.
I love my cool life.
I have a cool job, I have a great apartment, and Matt, my boyfriend, is a New York eight.
How's it going in here, ladies? Great! So great! I'm gonna get the jumpsuit! It's the only jumpsuit I've ever truly cared about.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Beth.
- No, it's fine.
Mom, it's totally fine.
I am just in a rush, okay? Well, honey, you have a camel twat.
Toe, Mom.
I have camel toe.
Okay? That's what I have.
I love you, okay? I'm I just and thank you for this jumpsuit.
I just have to go get ready for tonight.
Well, maybe take a shower.
I'm gonna shower already, Mom! I don't need you to tell me to shower! You know, I'm just I I'm-I'm just - I'm really happy.
- Okay.
I just want you to know that.
And thank you for coming with me, okay? - I love you.
- Okay, I love you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- I I don't know why I got mad.
- It's okay.
I'm sorry.
I I don't know why I got upset.
I'm just okay, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Thank you.
You're welcome, sweetheart.
She has her period.
I can always tell.
Her face gets I don't have my period.
Aminata, I don't have it.
But it would be fine if I did, but I don't.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Thank you.
She does.
I don't I don't care.
Thank you, Aminata.
This feels cold.
Why are you calling me? What happened? Is Dad dead? No.
Uh did you see Mom? Yeah, we had a really nice time shopping.
Why are you calling me? I call you.
When you wanna complain about Mom.
You are so hard on her.
Anything else? All right, I I have one tiny, little thing I might wanna complain about, but if I tell you, - you have to stay - Hold on.
- Alexa, please stop the music.
- You have to stay calm.
I'm perfectly calm.
I think Mom's dating another married guy.
Look, she said they're just friend.
- Maybe they are, but - Yeah, okay.
You probably made her feel like it was all good, right? Pretty much.
But no I no.
I I planted a seed.
I, like, stormed out.
Yeah, right.
Like, she knew I was annoyed.
And that I didn't approve, you know? She she's probably still sitting there, charming the saleswoman.
'Cause she cares more about what perfect strangers think of her than her own kids.
I just feel guilty.
Do you think I should call her and apologize? Alexa, resume music.
Annie? Annie? - Hi, Matt.
- Hey! Did you get me Sour Patch Kids? Yeah, they don't carry 'em at our bodega anymore.
I know.
I'm grabbing a drink with those Glaser Group people before karaoke.
You wanna come with? I'm invisible to them.
Wanna have sex? After I shower? It's it's just my class is about to start.
Otherwise, I'd get you pregnant right now.
What does that mean? What do you Uh, it's an expression.
I don't know about that.
I don't even wanna have sex.
This instructor is a beast.
How's your mom? We left it kinda weird.
Maybe I should call her.
She told me.
She wants you to call her.
You know, I don't love that you guys talk that much.
Babe, sing at karaoke tonight.
Try to just, you know, be fun to be around.
I'm awesome to be around.
You can tell I'm happy, right? Hey, babe, we're in Paris! Personal best, babe! Hi, this is Jane.
Leave a message, and I'll call you back.
Hey, bitch! Fireball! Do you ever worry you're wasting your potential? Oh, my God, you have camel toe.
What's your favorite number? I keep getting calls from an unknown number.
Uh, 33? And then what's another one? - Four.
- Okay, that's your song.
I'm picking it for you.
Where's Matt? Matt! - Hey, slugger! - Hey.
Come on.
Come meet Diane.
She wants to meet you.
- I'm the one they call.
- All right, so what? I've met Diane, like, eight times! Hey, don't Jesus, Beth, she's a drinker, okay? Just turn it on, all right? I'm too drunk to, like, explain to you right now.
Diane! Beth.
- Hi! - Great to meet you! - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
How do you how do you know Matt? Oh, um, uh, how long you guys in town? Oh, we're just, um, we're just here for tonight.
We'll be back in a couple of weeks, though.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Uh, can we just-just tell me, what was your name again? Oh, my sister's calling, I'm sorry.
Anyone here ever been to Hawaii? There's a little girl who lives there, and her name is Moana.
No! No, no, no, no! - Clark, no.
- Hello? Annie? Hey, Beth, are you out? What? - Are you with Matt? - Yeah, why? Can you, like, go outside or in another room or something? Uh, no.
Uh, well Mom died.
You killed Mom? No, I'm not joking.
They couldn't reach you, so I got a call.
She's gone.
She was in a cab, and it was chasing yellow lights or something, and I don't know.
They got hit.
Beth, hello? Hello? Coming to the stage, we have Beth! Beth is coming to the stage! - Whoo! - You got this, kid.
- Whoo! You got it! - You got this.
I, I got a new life You can hardly recognize me, I'm so glad How could a person like me care for you? Why do I bother When you're not the one for me? Ooh Is enough enough? I saw the sign And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign Life is demanding without understanding I saw the sign And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign No one's gonna drag you up To get into the light where you belong But where do you belong? I saw the sign And it opened up my eyes And I am happy now living without you I've left you, oh, oh-oh-oh I saw the sign And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign Drink! - Where you going? - My queen! All right, I guess Beth is done.
Uh, back to the stage, we have Clark! Anyone here like the ocean? Here's a better question.
Anyone here a fan of the Rock?
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