Life & Beth (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

1
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
Think I'm gonna fix
something at the house later.
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
Cool.
- (GOWN CRINKLING)
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Hi! I'm Dr. Collins.
- BETH: Hi.
- You must be Beth.
- BETH: Yes.
- (DOOR SHUTS)
- And?
John, her husband.
Sperm donor. (LAUGHS)
But really, we're married.
- Great. So, you're pregnant?
- Yeah.
Yes, I am.
At first, I was like,
ya know, "Will I even be a good mom?"
Or, ya know, just kind of
freaking out. But now, I'm, like,
pumped, ya know? Like, fully
'Cause we were trying.
Well, we were We, like,
had just started trying.
Yeah. It feels soon. It feels quick.
Like we're teen parents. (GIGGLES)
Well, this is what we call
the geriatric pregnancy.
How so?
Have you seen Jurassic Park?
Yeah. Jeff Goldblum.
Okay, so if you think about your uterus
like the mosquito trapped in amber.
So, it's technically
capable of creating life,
but also a fossil.
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- JOHN: Hm.
Oh. Dr. B says congratulations.
And not to text him on this
number unless it's an emergency.
I would hold off on
telling people right now.
Just keep it to yourself.
No. I-I, I wanna tell people. Why?
Well, there's a strong
likelihood at your age of
- a miscarriage or birth defects, so, um.
- Okay. I just
I don't know, that's such
a bummer. Can we, like,
just operate as if the baby's
gonna live and not die? (LAUGHS)
Can I, like, choose that
path instead? Ya know?
But let me get to the
important issues, okay?
Alcohol.
Where are they with marijuana studies?
I would cut out marijuana
- and alcohol altogether.
- Are you talking
- to me or to John? Oh, okay.
- To you.
Mom, no alcohol, no marijuana,
no cold cuts, no shellfish.
Limit your caffeine.
A cup a day is safe,
but I would skip it.
Do you take baths?
Yeah, just, like,
once or twice a day. Why?
If you have to have a
bath, I would just say
it's okay if it's not hot.
- (SIGHS)
- Okay.
Oh, is that That's
okay with you? Okay.
'Cause you don't have to
have meatless sandwiches
and take room temp baths.
Okay, people do this?
I did. Five times.
Holy shit.
Um.
While I have you here, and
just to cover, ya know
Can you, can you hold on to this?
(WHISPERS) Like, how many
drinks can I really have?
Like, alcohol. What
are we Talk to me.
I-I would cut out alcohol.
- And no coffee.
- One cup a day is okay.
Okay, but if I don't have the coffee,
then probably fine to
have a glass of wine,
- this feels like we're all agreeing on.
- Ya know what This isn't
We're not bargaining.
I know it's a lot, but let's just
get to the fun part.
- Sure.
- How about the transvaginal probe?
Okay. Um, before you Jon Hamm me, um,
where did we land on marijuana?
- No marijuana.
- We said none?
- None.
- I'm not talking about smoking, but
edibles is probably That
doesn't break the lining, or
It's the same thing.
It's still marijuana.
- Right. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I would just not.
- Yeah, don't.
You wouldn't, but
- And you won't. Yeah.
- And I won't, right.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah. So
- Just none of it. None of it.
- Yeah, none of that.
- Okay, great. Okay.
- (CRANKING, RATTLING)
Alright, chin up. Jab.
Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab. Cross.
Jab. Cross. Duck.
- (GRUNTS)
- Hook. Come on, I need more from you.
- Okay. This is all I got!
- Come on.
You're holdin' back. Come on,
mama. Come on, bring it up,
bring it up. I know
you're stronger than this.
Take this you soulless,
smug, bossy man's bitch!
Motherfucker!
You are getting stronger,
but somethin's stoppin' you.
- What's goin' on?
- (PANTING) I don't
You know I can't get like that.
I don't wanna be a angry Black woman.
Look at Helen. Little white bitch.
She can do whatever she wants.
I'm in all these white spaces.
What about my face says "white spaces"?
I'm the manager here and the owner.
When you're ready to
let loose, let me know.
♪♪
- (STREET NOISE)
- (DISTANT DOG BARKING)
(RING DOORBELL RINGING)
(KNOCKS)
MAYA: No solicitors, bitch!
Maya, open up. I'm here to apologize.
MAYA: Not interested.
I'm pregnant.
Of all the manipulative ways
to get me to talk to you.
You better be pregnant
or you gon' be pregnant
with my foot in your ass.
It's early, but I'm pregnant.
Bethy, mazel tov!
It's so important we
rebuild our numbers.
Ow.
Oh, my God, your fuckin'
titties are swollen! Get in here!
Sorry. I-I've been reading Caste.
My girl.
Jasper, get the fuck outta here!
("GENEVIEVE" BY CYMANDE PLAYING)
- (MOANING)
- (POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
Say you love me, say you love me ♪
Sad to see you go ♪
Sleeping eyes ♪
Now, well, I've struck gold ♪
Say you love me, say you love me ♪
Raise me up once more ♪
Tired of trying ♪
To hide a heart you fell ♪
Now, you hurt when
you lose your money ♪
Down that wishin' well ♪
Don't try to change ♪
(SIGHS) Hey. I have a
doctor's appointment tomorrow,
so if you could pick
up Lucy from practice?
Another one? Is everything alright?
Yeah. I'm just gonna try a new guy.
My old doctor's not providing enough
care anymore.
Yeah. I'll get the kids. Should be fine.
Hm. Thank you.
♪♪
(CARS HONKING)
Stay as you began ♪
Jab. Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab.
Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab. Cross. Jab.
(SONG FADES OUT)
- This is so fucked up.
- (CLANGS)
Did you know that we're, like,
fully living in a white supremacy
and always have been?
- Yeah.
- So fucked up.
Will you come hang out with me?
I can't. I have to finish this.
Can you do it later?
- I wanna talk.
- (SIGHS)
These shelves are a really
inefficient use of space.
We're gonna need a lot
more storage for the baby.
Hope we aren't gonna
store the baby up there.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
Hey!
Can you do that later?
I'm just gonna get it done.
Hm.
- Well, just, just do that.
- (BANGS)
Don't start, like, a whole thing.
You-You know, you can get
carried away with stuff, ya know?
Otherwise known as getting
something done, which is good.
I should be the one organizing.
I'm the one who's the
professional organizer.
And my dad owned a furniture store.
(HAMMERING)
What's that?
(DRILL WHIRRING)
("I ENJOY BEING A GIRL"
BY PEGGY LEE PLAYING)
I am proud that my
silhouette is curvy ♪
That I walk with a
sweet and girlish gait ♪
With my hips kind of
swivelly and swervey ♪
BETH: I threw up!
- I threw up.
- You okay?
No, I threw up. Can
you get me some water?
I adore being dressed
in something frilly ♪
When my date comes
to get me at my place ♪
Out I go with my
Joe or John or Billy ♪
Like a filly who is
ready for the race ♪
When I have a brand new hairdo ♪
With my eyelashes all ♪
(SOBBING)
You alright?
I float as the clouds on air do ♪
I enjoy being a girl ♪
When men say I'm cute and funny ♪
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls ♪
I just lap it up like honey ♪
Hey, babe, can you
- John?
- Yeah?
Can you please get this out of here?
I drool over dresses made of lace ♪
I talk on the telephone for hours ♪
With a pound and a half
of cream upon my face ♪
I'm strictly a female female ♪
- And my future I hope will be ♪
- John?
Hey, Beth! I made a deal with Jimmy.
- John!
- It's gonna be some poplar;
- it's a good deal!
- (DRILL WHIRRING)
It's hard to find poplar nowadays.
Especially that's
sufficient for the crib.
- It's a good deal.
- (HAMMERING)
John?
(CLATTERS)
- (HAMMERING)
- John?
- John?
- Hey.
- Can you help me put my socks on?
- Yeah.
- (DROPS HAMMER)
- (SIGHS)
Yeah. I think I just
can't do it anymore.
Thanks.
- New tiles?
- Yeah, for the bathroom.
Okay.
Can we just store them
somewhere else, though?
- 'Cause, like, this is where we
- Yeah.
- are supposed to eat.
- I'll move 'em.
- Can I have some water?
- Yeah.
(CLAPS HANDS)
(BETH SIGHS)
Are, are you gonna have
time to make the, uh,
food for the baby shower? I
Uh, it looks like you have
your hands pretty full here.
No, no, I got it.
The asparagus came in
beautifully this year.
I'm organizing the menu around that.
Thank you. Oh, good. My pee
already smells weird, so.
It's not a baby shower, by the way.
Do you know Jews don't
have baby showers?
It's, like, bad luck, so
it's just a get-together.
There'll be, like, one balloon there.
Yeah, you haven't seen your
girls in forever, right?
Yeah, it'll just be good
to get out of the h
get together with them and catch up.
Yeah. Actually, I-I-I-I'm
doing something for them.
Like, a I-I put together, like,
a slideshow of pictures of us,
ya know, through, like, the years.
Matt actually made a
photo album to show Claire.
It was nic I-It connected them.
- Cool.
- (CLANGS)
Yeah.
- So, these tiles
- Yeah. Uh, I'm gonna install those soon.
It's probably not gonna be today,
but hopefully, this week.
- Okay.
- Alright?
(WOOD THUDDING)
- Yeah, 'cause, John, it's just a lot.
- Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause you-you just said
it was gonna be the storage,
and and that you'd
make the crib and
Yeah, I haven't
forgotten about the crib.
- I'm gonna get around to it for sure.
- But this is just where
- It's where we live.
- Exactly.
Ya know, it's where
the baby's gonna live,
so I just wanna make it a little cozier.
A little less condemned building.
Yep. Got it.
- Totally.
- (SAW SQUEAKING)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
(SIGHS) What's all this?
It's supposed to snow pretty bad.
The hospital called.
I gotta see your mom right now.
That's why I'm doing it.
You're not doin' it. Y-You're
talkin' about doin' it.
You got, you got one chain on
one tire halfway, backwards.
(SIGHS)
I don't have time for
your fartin' around, Johnny.
Go to the house.
I want you to seal up all
the gaps in the windows.
Okay? Get the caulk. Listen!
Get the caulk. I want you to
Don't forget, scrape
off all the old stuff
before you put down the new caulk
because otherwise, if
you don't do it right,
it's not gonna help, and then
I'm gonna have another job,
and I don't need another job. Got it?
- I'll do it right. I'll do it.
- Huh?
Nothing!
(TRUCK STARTS, FADES OUT)
DR. MORRIS: How are you feeling, John?
I'm fine. Beth's good. I'm good.
Baby's good. Just need to move.
- Just wanna walk.
- Sure.
Movement helps with
emotional regulation.
- (SLIDES BOOK)
- Is this lead-based paint?
Probably.
- It's an old building.
- I-I don't know. I haven't had it tested.
You can do a full lead abatement,
but it's, like, a full
renovation to the studs, so.
And sometimes it can make
the problem worse, actually.
I mean, ya know, Beth is the one
having a hard time right now, actually.
So, I'm just tryna
I think that it can be hard
to see her going through that.
It's stressful to feel powerless.
That's why I've been getting
everything ready for the baby.
Is that burnt out?
Oh, I-I don't know.
It just didn't turn on.
- No?
- No.
- (CLICKING)
- Um, yeah, seems to be.
Do you mind if I change that?
It's kinda getting to me.
Okay, you need to do that right now?
Uh, well, it's just
it'll take two seconds
if you have, uh, any extra bulbs.
Otherwise, I can bring one
next time with the same wattage.
- I have a bulb.
- "Forty-three watts."
Now, I just want you to recognize
your need to feel useful.
Well, it's
it's nothing deep. It's just, uh,
why sit here in the dark, helpless?
Helpless is an interesting word.
Ya know, John, I think that, uh,
one of your coping strategies is doing.
Can I get that? Okay, so this is,
like, a vintage filament-style bulb.
It's not gonna mat This
That one's frosted like this,
so let's
It might kinda be weird if that one is.
- Well, that's all I have.
- Does that bother you?
Uh, does it bother you?
It's not my office.
BETH: And then, I don't know. Maybe
more serving spoons or something,
but it's fine. It's good.
(SIGHS)
Maya, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Yeah, what's wrong?
- Okay.
I don't wanna
be weird or whatever,
but I just I owe you an apology.
For what, New Orleans again?
- Come on.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
I-I never thought about
what it would've been like
to grow up as a Black
woman on Long Island.
Or in America. But I've
been educating myself,
and I can never fully understand,
but I just want you to
know I'm coming to you
with radical empathy.
Oh, come Radical empathy?
You been readin' Isabel Wilkerson! Girl!
It took me eight months to
finish that fucking book,
but I just like, there's so
many things I had no idea about.
Beth, Beth, come on. You
don't have to say anymore.
I really appreciate you sayin' that,
and I needed to hear it from you
'cause you're one of my best friends.
- Ew! You're my best friend.
- Well, you are my best
Well, the baby's coming;
he might take over.
He? You think it's a boy?
Well, yeah, I think you're
carryin' low. It's gonna be a boy.
Now, if you could just start
a book club with Jen and Jess
- 'cause they don't get it.
- I don't think
I could teach those girls
how to read, but still
You know, Beth, uh,
I gotta say I was pretty surprised
when you announced your pregnancy.
I-I just assumed that John was barren.
I don't really know
how to respond to that.
He's a great guy.
He just has a very flaccid demeanor, so.
That's very helpful feedback.
I'll pass that along to him.
- Good to see you.
- Yeah.
Um. (CLEARS THROAT, SIGHS)
Here.
Should I be afraid about what this is?
Uh, it's a book for the baby.
- Really?
- Um, kid probably won't be able to read
it for another month or two. I
don't know reading levels, so.
Bodies Are Cool?
- Oh, wh Oh, shit!
- Oh, this is cute.
- "Big bodies, small bodies."
- MAYA: Yeah.
It immediately resonated for me
'cause I've thought that for years,
that bodies are cool.
Ya know, when you really think
about what the body can do.
You know, including even
just that we have a hole,
two holes for, for waste, to
get rid of what we don't need.
And those holes are also
designed for pleasure.
I mean, bodies, they really
are cool, what they do.
- And that's They nailed it.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So good.
- Yeah. Thank you. This is amazing.
And listen, I just wanna say something.
I-I don't wanna put ya on the spot,
but I wanna just throw this out there.
I don't know if you and John are, um,
gonna have a godfather,
I'd love to be considered.
- I just wanted to throw that out there.
- BETH: Yeah.
I think I'd be really good at it.
Yeah, I Jewish people
don't have godparents,
- but or you would've been
- John is not Jewish, right?
- No.
- You know what, let's
Did he have to get circumcised
for to be with you or?
- Okay. Yeah.
- Alright, well,
I can ask John about that.
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
AUTOMATED VOICE (OVER PHONE):
You are 400 feet
from your destination.
♪♪
Everything's gonna change. Everything.
- Name something, it's gonna change.
- (PHONE DINGS)
In my life, you mean?
- (DINGS)
- (GIGGLES)
- Is that Jen?
- No.
She's, like, always late now.
- There's somethin' goin' on with her.
- What's her vibe?
I didn't invite Ann. She
wouldn't have come anyway.
Yeah.
Ugh. I don't even, like, wanna drink.
- That's the saddest part about pregnancy.
- (DINGS)
Who is that? Do you have, like,
other friends that you're
(SIGHS) Okay.
I met someone when we were in Nawlins.
Please stop saying Nawlins.
What the fuck? Is that
a dick or, like, a foot?
He sends me a shot like
that every day. (LAUGHS)
- Why does it say "Beth"?
- Oh. Yeah,
I had to put him as her in my
phone, so Bryan wouldn't suspect.
- You're now "Spam Likely".
- BETH: So, you're, like, flying out
to New Orleans and,
like, having an affair.
Well, I mean, that's
one way to look at it.
I want to suck it right now, period.
I'm on my knees sucking it,
period. I just feel so alive.
- (GASPS) My friends!
- BETH: Jenny!
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi! You look so beautiful!
- (EXCITED SQUEALING)
- Oh, my God.
- Hello, baby!
- I know.
- JEN: I love this baby!
- Okay.
- Okay, the baby's sleeping.
- Oh, hello, stomach necklace!
Jen, how are you feeling?
Oh, my God, thank you
so much for asking.
I'm so good.
- Okay.
- Ugh, these extensions are incredible!
Thank you. Can you believe
Bryan hasn't noticed?
He thinks my hair, like, miraculously
grew eight inches overnight.
Okay. I feel weird making
fun of Bryan while you're, like,
- cheating on him. I'm sorry.
- (GASPS)
You're cheating on Bryan?
- Yes. I told you, like, two months ago.
- Oh, right.
BETH: Why'd you tell her
two months ago and not us?
He was the boy cop from your wedding.
Okay, he is 25, almost.
So, you did meet him at my wedding?
Well, the night before. It
was actually so romantic.
I thought he was gonna arrest
me for pissing in the alley,
but we ended up F-ing in his car.
- You're welcome for that.
- Wow, that's so romantic.
He's a cop?
Yeah. How hot is that? (LAUGHS)
You know that's not what we meant
when we said fuck the po-lice?
- (GIGGLING)
- It's not funny.
I have an idea.
- Let's sort of shift gears here.
- Okay.
He kisses my neck, and
he makes me feel seen.
- Well, you have a husband to do that.
- Okay, so, I made this.
- I don't need that.
- Okay, these smell so real.
- Are they real?
- Yep.
We're on a farm.
Okay, I'm just gonna hit play.
What do you even talk
to a 25-year-old about?
So many things. Um, first and
foremost, we both love Bill Murray.
Wow. That's an incredible coincidence.
Guys, focus here.
I wanted to make this for
all of us. Just kinda
You know what? You can do whatever
the fuck you want with your life.
I'm sorry. Are you my fucking mother?
No, 'cause if I was, I'd beat your ass.
- No, sorry.
- You know this shit happened to me.
You know what? Okay, you
need to lower your voice.
No, no, fuck you, Jess. Listen,
- my husband did that shit to me.
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Yeah, yeah, fuck you.
Go fuck your husband. Go
fuck the husband you have,
you stupid bitch! I'm
tired of her! Sick of her!
Do you wanna watch this?
Yes. But first, I need
to take just a little nap.
And then, yes.
("THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR" BY ELTON
JOHN & DIONNE WARWICK PLAYING ON LAPTOP)
(MUSIC STOPS)
("LOTTA LOVE" BY NEIL YOUNG PLAYING)
Ooh, ooh ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
BRYAN: Woo! It's Bryan, little grass.
Don't be scared, little grass.
Don't be, don't, don't
be scared, little grass.
Woo! Fuck yeah.
It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
Or we won't get too far ♪
So, if you look in my direction ♪
- (BETH SIGHS)
- How'd it go?
- My heart needs protection ♪
- Eh.
- And so do I ♪
- It was good.
♪♪
It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
To get us through the night ♪
It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
To make things work out right ♪
So, if you are out there waitin' ♪
I hope you show up soon ♪
'Cause my head needs relatin' ♪
Not solitude ♪
Gotta lotta love ♪
Gotta lotta love ♪
La, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la, la, la, ooh ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
It's so easy.