Lilyhammer (2011) s03e07 Episode Script

The Funeral

You forgot to put your seat belt on.
Yes.
Why do you think I forgot? You're a naughty girl, aren't you? I'm not wearing any knickers either.
Sounds like someone needs a licking as punishment when we get home.
Do we have to wait that long? Just go ahead and lift your skirt up.
- You might want to put it in fifth.
- Yeah, sure.
There, that's it.
What are you doing? You almost gave me whiplash! I think I just hit a sheep.
The sheep is dead.
Let's just drive on.
- Are you sure? - Don't come here.
Don't look - No, don't - Oh, God.
- Ane, stop! - Oh, good God.
- Take it easy.
- Good grief, we've run over a man! Let's take a moment to think this through.
How will this look? You killed that man because you were so bloody horny! What will your girlfriends at the Women's Center say? Do you know who this is? This is the father-in-law of the worst gangster in the county, Johnny Henriksen.
So just forget about prison! Johnny is more of an "eye for an eye" kind of guy.
Get back in the car.
Do as I tell you.
Go.
How is life as a farmer out here? It's not how it used to be.
Very funny.
We agreed to be honest as far as the kids were concerned.
Really? Yes, that's me.
What? Yes.
That's my father.
My condolences.
- I need you to sign this.
- Yes.
I'm so sorry.
- I'm going to have to sit down.
- Of course.
- There's a bench outside.
- Okay.
Yes.
Thanks for coming with me.
I don't know.
I can't get hold of him.
It was just fun, to begin with.
But it later became an escape from reality.
My name is Per Dahl Thomassen, and I'm addicted to gaming.
And now I think it's time we touch each other.
On your feet, everyone.
Form a circle.
Let yourself fall backwards.
Can you feel that? You're not alone.
- Do you know that person? - Sadly, yes, I do.
- There you are.
- What's wrong? My father is dead! Ane, are you coming? I've rented a classic Japanese movie.
Ane? Come on now baby doll.
Guess who's not wearing underwear! - What's going on? - I can't take it anymore.
I've taken a job combating female gender mutilation in Dodoma.
It would be best if we didn't see each other anymore.
So it's over? Yes, it is.
You've satisfied yourself with my body, but at the first hurdle, it's all over? I've rented In the Realm of the Senses! - What's your problem? - Women, that's my problem.
Listen to yourself.
You sound like you're from the Progress Party.
- Progress Party? I'm a realist.
- That's enough! Shut your mouth! We're going to enjoy ourselves, for fuck's sake! What the hell is wrong with you? Ouch.
Eat your hummus, you fucking whore! You fucking ST PETER LABOR AND WELFARE Excuse me, which office is this? What do you think? Joachimsen.
I will register you.
Please sit down and wait.
So, I've come here even though I'm a Muslim? Please, take a queue ticket.
It's not as if you're the only one to have died in the past hour.
A procedural error.
- Procedural error? - You're not due in quite yet.
Escort this man out.
So, what's my date? - That's confidential, I'm afraid.
- Oh, come on! What? No, no, of course it's not.
Sylfest was a wonderful man.
He really was.
Hello? - Oh, hello! - Hello? - You're home early.
- Yes, we were soon done.
- Hi.
- Hello, there.
How are you? I was just doing a spot of prenatal yoga.
- Wow! - Panting dog.
- Maybe you can teach me? - Yeah, sure.
The computer isn't working.
Don't bother trying it.
But I have to send an email to the undertaker.
What the fuck is this? What the hell is this? I don't know.
- What do you mean you don't know? - Did you open that? - Do you think I'm stupid? - No-- Just stop talking, all right? Relapsing is common for someone in recovery.
Get out! I don't even want to discuss this.
Police have no leads in the hit-and-run murder of an elderly man in Tretten.
But first, celebrity businessman Lars Olafsen's burnout made the headlines.
His visit to Nepal and the book he wrote about his experiences are getting international exposure.
Sorry, boss.
I couldn't stop her.
I spoke to the witness.
It was a small, green car, a Toyota Corolla or similar.
There's more.
I went to I'm at Besserudgrenda 7.
Looks like I'll get to use my chains.
Fucking shit.
- Hello? - Hi there, you fuck! Let go of me! Shut the fuck up! I saw your car! How many green Corollas do you think there are around here? Torgeir! I happen to be color-blind.
- He was just joking.
- Yes, I got that.
Girls! Get the champagne! We are gathered here today to accompany Sylfest Haugli to his final resting place.
I have spoken to many of those that were closest to Sylfest.
Many mentioned one particular trait that spoke volumes about him.
He was chilled out.
There was never any fuss with Sylfest.
We will listen to the song that Sylfest loved most of all.
Sorry, I can't do it.
Singing along while the murderer is at large? That ice-cold bastard ran over the nicest guy in the area and left him to die in the road! If anyone saw a green Toyota Corolla driving toward Sjusjøen on Thursday, please let us know.
Me and the boys are going to fuck him up-- Jan, are you all right? Yeah, yeah.
I sometimes vomit in emotional situations.
I'm all right.
Just say if you need something.
This is Alex.
Leave a message.
Hello, Aslak.
How are you? Oh, you know.
I'm sorry I didn't get here in time for the funeral.
I came by to put some flowers on his grave.
Thank you so much.
Dad would have appreciated that.
Look.
Do you have a stamp? Hey! What are you doing? The house is absolutely gorgeous.
There's waterproof sealant and stuff in here, right? No, not in the living room, but in the wet rooms, obviously.
I see.
Can I just ask one question? Why are you selling? My wife thinks Lillehammer is getting a bit rough.
It's perfect that you're moving, though, as we have a baby on the way.
- Take a look around.
- Thank you.
- We can't afford this.
- Yes, we can! Yes, we can afford it.
I've put all my earnings into paying off the mortgage.
It's been settled.
If we can get the price down a bit, we're all set.
No way! - Let's discuss the price.
- I'm so horny right now.
Yes, but-- Well, that was quick.
Yeah, we've found our dream house.
My colleague is preparing a loan preapproval letter as we speak.
We have a bit of a problem.
I just don't get it.
I can't understand.
I've been working.
The debt has been settled.
Did I take out a loan while I was ill? Well, you were in bad shape.
That English prick.
What was that? Nothing.
I'll sort this out.
I know where that fucker hid the money - I mean, where I hid it.
- Don't get stressed.
- No, of course not.
- Keep a cool head.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Keep a cool head.
"Torgeir Lien.
" DRIVING LICENSE Roar, you fucking What in the name of fuck are you doing? What the fuck, Torgeir? Hello, Dag.
It's nice to see you.
I've brought you some almond cake.
I'll leave it there.
Help yourself.
It tasted better yesterday.
Look at that sanctimonious cow.
Those clowns have done nothing in government.
The only thing they care about is building roads.
There are no street lights between FÃ¥berg and Tretten.
And now Sylfest is dead because of it.
Fuck.
I did it again, Dag.
Well, Dag It's good to talk.
Let off some steam.
Sleep tight, Dag.
I'm sorry that I lied about the drugs.
I tried to sort it out, all right? Do you realize what you've done? Get out! Am I supposed to sleep on the streets? Maybe tomorrow, I won't blow your brains out.
- Come on, bro - I don't have a brother anymore! I don't have a brother anymore.
Fine! I paid for this.
Hello.
- You're not getting in.
- I have to talk to Johnny.
Wow! - I must speak to Johnny! - I thought you were brain dead.
I know who killed Sylfest!