Lip Sync Battle (2015) s03e23 Episode Script

Theresa Caputo vs. Nick Swardson

1 - Oh! - (rock music playing) Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody says It's just like Robin Hood Well, it's plain to see You were meant for me, yeah I'm your boy Your 20th century toy (thuds) - (feedback) - (cheering) Yeah! He was born to love you, and you can't help but love him back.
Give it up for your host, LL Cool J! Hands in the air! Let me hear you say yeah! Audience: Yeah! Say hell yeah! Audience: Hell yeah! (cheering) Welcome to Lip Sync Battle! (cheering) Here is where we combine incredible music, your favorite stars, and we mix it all up to provide you with one hell of a good time.
All right? (cheering) But, before you meet the contenders I've got to bring out our color commentator, the spectacular with splendiferous vernacular.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chrissy Teigen! Everywhere I go, go, go, go, go All they do is stare and stare LL Cool J: Hey! Oh! Hey! Oh! Hey! Oh! Hey! Hey! (cheering) LL Cool J: Go, Chrissy, you look good tonight.
Go, Chrissy.
You're going to be all right.
Here, Chrissy, pop a bottle with me.
Woo! - What's up? - I still get flustered with you! Seriously.
Third season, I still get nervous.
I get a little nervous too.
- No! - Yeah Oh stop.
Are you nervous for tonight? I'm so nervous.
What can the people expect? This is going to be one of the funniest battles yet, actually.
We have a comedian and a medium, and I've dubbed it the "comedium" show.
It's the "comedium" show! - (cheering) - Right? Okay, okay, well, it's time to get it started.
- Let's do it! So excited.
- Let's get it popping.
- I like that outfit by the way.
That's nice.
- Thank you.
That's nice.
That's a nice outfit.
Okay.
She's a New York Times best-selling author, tours all over the country, and she's TLC's Long Island Medium.
Ladies and gentlemen, Theresa Caputo! (cheering) (Theresa screaming) - Hey, how are you? - Good.
Woo! Yeah! Woo! And he's a hilarious stand-up comedian, he wrote, produced and starred in the comedy Bucky Larson: Born to Be Star, he played Chip the Psychic in A Haunted House Nick Swardson! (cheering) (mouths) What's up, man? Come on! Come on! Come on! LL Cool J: Wow.
I love it.
I love it.
All right.
Theresa, you come on over here.
- Chrissy: Uh-oh.
- Nick, have a seat in the V.
I.
P.
Theresa: No, this cannot be happening.
Oh my God, you're a little firecracker.
I love it.
- Theresa: I'm nervous.
- I'm so excited.
- (laughing) - (Theresa screaming) Theresa, what song are you choosing to go with first? I have chosen I Gotta Feeling.
(cheering) Ladies and gentlemen Want to take the Mic? It's going to happen now? - It's gonna happen right now.
You gotta do it.
- It's happening now, girl! - You ready? - Yeah, I'm ready! All right, ladies and gentlemen, Theresa Caputo! (cheering) (music playing) I gotta feeling Woo-hoo That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night Tonight's the night Let's live it up I got my money Let's spend it up Go out and smash it Like oh my God Jump off that sofa Let's get, get off I know that we'll have a ball - LL Cool J: Uh-oh! - If we get down and go out and just lose it all - Uh-oh! - I feel stressed out, I wanna let it go Let's go way out spaced out and losing all control - Fill up my cup, mazel tov - Drink - L'chaim - Look at her dancing - Move it, move it - Just take it off - Let's paint the town - Paint the town - We'll shut it down - Shut it down Let's burn the roof, and then we'll do it again - Let's do it, let's do it, do it, do it, do it - Hey, hey, hey Here we come, here we go, we gotta rock Easy come, easy go, now we on top Feel the shot, body rock, rock it, don't stop Round and round, up and down, around the clock I gotta feeling Woo-hoo That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night Woo-hoo (cheering) LL Cool J: Wow.
Wow.
LL Cool J: Chrissy! I very rarely get to see this little ripped body on Long Island Medium, and I'm so excited for this! (cheering) I knew you had mental energy, but I didn't know you had so much physical energy, and I'm I'm exhausted - I don't know.
I'm shot.
- from watching.
Talking to dead people is so much easier.
(laughs) Nick, what could you read from Theresa's performance? What did you read? I mean, that was pretty hardcore.
This is like some WWE.
I walked into a battlefield right now.
- Thank you.
- That was really awesome.
(cheering) You did a great job.
So, Theresa, - you go on over to the V.
I.
P.
for a minute.
- All right.
- Nick! Roll on over here.
- (cheering) Oh no, no, you can keep that.
I'll hold on to this for a sec.
You can keep that for a second.
So how you doing? - I'm doing pretty good.
- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you.
- Thank you for having me, LL.
That's awesome.
I'm glad I got to say that sentence, "Thank you for having me, LL.
" I've always that's pretty awesome.
So it's pretty it's a good feeling.
All right so, Nick, what song did you choose? I chose Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams.
(cheering) Oh yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Swardson! (cheering) (music playing) I got my first real six-string Bought it at the five-and-dime Played it till my fingers bled It was the summer of '69 Me and some guys from school - Oh my God! - Had a band and we tried real hard Jimmy quit and Jody got married I should've known we'd never get far Oh, when I look back now That summer seemed to last forever And if I had the choice Ya, I'd always want to be there Those were the best days of my life (cheering) Oh yeah Back in the summer of '69 Oh Man, we were killin' time We were young and restless We needed to unwind I guess nothin' can last forever Forever, no Yeah! Back in the summer of '69 (cheering) LL Cool J: Chrissy! Oh, man! How would you describe Nick's energy? Oh I-I know that number well, not the year, just the number.
(laughs) - LL Cool J: You like that number? - No, I'm just kidding.
I huh, we've been together for a long time now, so - Not really.
- (laughter) I feel you.
I'm going to leave that alone.
Listen, Theresa, how would you describe what Nick just did? - What did you think? - Oh, you know what, Nick? I was very nice to you.
You were making me think like, "Oh, I'm just a comedian.
"I don't do this.
I don't know.
I've lip-synced.
I was drunk at a karaoke bar.
" This Lip Sync Battle just for real.
- (cheering) - Oh.
Okay LL Cool J: Okay, Nick, you head over to the V.
I.
P.
That does it for round one.
We've all got that '69 feeling.
Next stop, round two, where the competition amps up a few notches, and the stars take it to new heights.
Come on back! It's Lip Sync Battle.
It was the summer of '69 We're back with LSB! And our contenders, Theresa and Nick, have already let it be known that they didn't come here to lose.
Now it's round two, where the battle for the belt takes on a whole new life! Before we bring her out, let's take a look at how Theresa put together the performance of her dreams.
(rock music playing) I'm just so excited to be here! You guys ready for the battle? - Yeah.
- I'm not.
(laughs) Theresa: So this is where the practice is gonna be? This is my first time, nobody judge me.
I'm not a dancer and I'm not even a singer.
(laughs) (screams) Wait, that's it? (laughing) No, we have more time on stage.
I'm just gonna go out there and have fun.
We don't get much time to rehearse though.
Theresa: Oh my God, hi! Theresa Caputo! (cheering) Woman: Theresa, you want to just go for it and try it? Oh, yeah, you do my hair.
Okay.
Don't play with it too much, because then I'm going to fall asleep.
I'm going to fall asleep.
Woman: Three, two (music playing) - (cheering) - (mouths) You guys can clap better than that! (laughs) Woman: Theresa, your pajamas are here.
How adorable! I love them! Can you sign them, 'cause you made them for me? Could you have everybody sign them? Dancers and everybody? - Theresa, we would be honored - Theresa: Yeah, yeah.
- That's what I want.
- to do that for you.
- Perfect.
Thank you.
- Absolutely.
These will be my keepsake jammies.
Woman on P.
A.
: Please clear the stage.
Please clear the stage.
- Woman 2: Good luck, Theresa! - Thank you! Thanks guys! (cheering) Theresa: This is amazing, I'm on the Lip Sync Battle.
Everyone: One, two, three! Girls! (music continues) Oh my God, this is really happening.
No! (cheering) (music playing) I come home in the morning light My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" Oh mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones And girls, they wanna have fun Oh girls just want to have fun The phone rings in the middle of the night My father yells, "What you gonna do with your life?" Oh daddy dear, you know you're still number one But girls, they wanna have fun Oh, girls just want to have That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Oh girls, they wanna have fun Oh, girls just wanna have fun Girls and boys wanna have fun, Girls wanna have They just wanna, they just wanna Girls Girls just wanna have fun Everybody (cheering) That was amazing.
It's a mess in here! Theresa, should I give you the Heimlich, babe? (laughs) You need a Heimlich? LL Cool J: Chrissy! Chrissy! - Chrissy: Oh my God! - Are you having fun? It has brought me back to my two favorite boys.
That's what it came down to? My baby, I got my boo on my pillow.
LL Cool J: You've got the John Legend pillow? That brought me back, baby.
- (LL Cool J laughing) - That was good.
- All right, yeah.
Nick? - Yeah.
If you were in the audience's shoes, would you vote for Theresa after that performance? I thought that was pretty phenomenal.
I think - (cheering) - that was pretty great.
My favorite moment was at the end where Theresa looked like a cat that ate a bird and then, like, coughed up the feathers.
You were amazing.
I thought it was a great performance.
- Thank you.
- Great song.
It made me want to have a vagina.
(laughing) Well, Theresa, join the V.
I.
P.
You did a great job.
You did a great job.
- Thank you.
- Give her a round of applause.
You go in the V.
I.
P.
and have a seat.
Theresa brought that strong island flavor with a lot of feathers.
Now Nick's under pressure to deliver a knockout performance.
This is for the belt, y'all! It's Lip Sync Battle.
Oh When the working day is done Oh, girls (cheering) We're back with LSB, and the battle is taking on a new level of ferocity after Theresa's feathery performance.
Before we bring him out, let's take a look at how Nick plans to sling that belt over his shoulder in the end.
- (cheering) - Chrissy: Woo! (cheering) - Nick: How are you? - Good, good.
How are you? Hey, everybody! I know you're going to have strong ideas.
Why don't I show you - what we've come up with - Show it, yeah.
and then we'll pick and chose what you like.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay? My ass.
I just got to make sure I (bleep) get over and up.
(bleep) Ow! That was way harder than I thought it was going to be.
(music playing) How are you? - Good to see you, man.
- Good to see you, dude.
That's great man, pleasure to meet you, dude.
LL Cool J is (bleep) huge.
Oh my God! (music continues) Woman: How do you feel about the roll? - It'll be fine.
- Yeah.
- That's what I figured about that.
- But I'll just get off, you know what I mean 'cause you know, it's fine.
Woman: Okay here we go, we are going to cut directly to the music.
(cheering) - You got this, you got this.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God, I shouldn't have gone to the gym five years ago.
That was super easy.
(screaming) (cheering) I'm zenning out right now.
(woman speak on P.
A.
) Come on! - (cheering) - (on P.
A.
) Places, please.
Nick: I go in here? Oh my God.
(cheering) Nick: That audience is like frothing at the mouth.
Woman: All right, here we go.
(cheering) (music playing) Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man I showed him all the things that he didn't understand Whoa, and then I let him go One, two, three, they gonna run back to me 'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep One, two, three, they gonna run back to me They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me Like gho-o-osts they want me to make 'em all, all, all They won't let go Ex's and oh's I get high, and I love to get low So the hearts keep breaking, and the heads just roll You know that's how the story goes One, two, three, they gonna run back to me 'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep One, two, three, they gonna run back to me They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave My ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me Like gho-o-osts they want me to make 'em all, all, all They won't let go Ex's and oh's (cheering) LL Cool J: Whoa! Yo! - Yo.
- Oh my gosh! Oh my God.
Chrissy: Oh my gosh! Chrissy! Did Nick pull off the pedal pushers? Oh my God, are you kidding me? Usually when we have a guy perform a female song, they go all out feminine.
I've never seen pedal pushers and a crop top on a dude before.
I'm so exhausted.
I don't know how people dance.
I've never danced before in my life.
- (laughs) - Nick: That was insane.
- That's a great song, it's by Elle King, right? - Yeah.
- Chrissy: Woo-hoo.
- She's your friend.
She's my friend's daughter, so I've known her since she was like 10 years old.
So when she started singing and this song came out, and I was like, "What the (bleep)?" She's like your friend's daughter.
And then she's amazing and so I called her and I was like, "Hey, I'm doing Ex's & Oh's on Lip Sync Battle.
" And she was like, "What the (bleep)?" Like she was like, "Oh my God!" She was so excited.
So, this is an homage to sweet Elle, so - (cheering) - Hopefully (laughs) Hopefully, I did it some justice.
The sex appeal oozes.
Well, it's definitely oozing out of each side.
(laughs) Excellent.
Well, Nick, you can head over to the V.
I.
P.
for a second.
Rest your nerves.
Round two was out of control.
Theresa and Nick gave the people what they came to see, but now it's up to the audience to chose whose performances deserve that belt.
When we come back, the champ is crowned.
Next up on Lip Sync Battle.
Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle.
Theresa Caputo and Nick Swardson delivered the goods tonight.
- (cheering) - Now it's time to crown the Lip Sync Battle champion.
- All right? Let's do this.
Let's do this.
- Ready? - (laughing) - LL Cool J: All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, is the champion Theresa Caputo? (cheering) Woo! All right.
Or is the champion Nick Swardson? (cheering) LL Cool J: And the Lip Sync Battle champion is Nick Swardson.
(cheering) LL Cool J: You did a great job tonight.
You did a really wonderful job.
That was amazing.
Oh, it fits.
Perfect! LL Cool J: I love it, I love it.
Nick, you're the new LSB Champ.
(laughing) How does that belt feel around your waist? It it's heavy.
It's really heavy.
Thank you so much.
Wonderful.
(cheering) One love from me, LL Cool J, and my girl, Chrissy Teigen.
And remember whatever you do in life, knock 'em out the box, L, knock 'em out, L! (cheering) Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me Like gho-o-osts they want me to make 'em all, all, all They won't let go Ex's and oh's LL Cool J: Make some noise! (cheering) LL Cool J: Everybody's so happy.

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