Lip Sync Battle UK (2016) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Tonight on Lip Sync Battle, things are about to get a bit surreal as two comedy legends go head-to-head.
In fact, anything could happen because it's Johnny Vegas! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) versus Vic Reeves! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) This is Lip Sync Battle UK! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) T REX: 20th Century Boy Friends say it's fine Friends say it's good Everybody says it's just like rock n' roll Well it's plain to see you were meant for me Yeah I'm your boy, your 20th century toy Ladies and gentlemen, a woman I have had a crush on since I was 12 years old, please raise the roof for Mel B! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Mwah! Wow! Aah! Welcome to Lip Sync Battle.
Now, this show's taken the world by storm.
Now, the game is simple.
Two stars lip sync two songs, and the audience decide who did the best.
The mics may be off, but the battle is definitely on.
- Are you lot ready for that?! - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Now, here to help me, as always, is my boy up there.
He's a bona fide rap battle champion making him the perfect man to oversee tonight's battle.
give it up for Professor Green! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) I am so excited about tonight! Are you? I am, yeah.
We've got two very interesting guests this evening! - What are you expecting from tonight? - Absolutely anything could go on.
What I wanna see is conviction.
I want them to come out, really sell it.
I wanna see them put their everything into the songs that they perform.
Tonight, our two stars are not just battling it out for your entertainment, they are battling it to get their hands on THAT! - Our Lip Sync Battle Championship belt! - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Well, let's welcome tonight's performers.
He's our first comedy legend of the evening, who loves a cup of tea while playing with his monkey! Please, put your hands together for Johnny Vegas! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Now, let's meet his opponent.
Comedy legend number two.
He's one half of Vic and Bob, - and it's not Bob.
So give it up for Vic Reeves! - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) Boy, are we gonna have a show tonight! So are you two friends, or what? - We're friends, but not tonight.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Now, are you both, like, ready? - I've worked hard on this.
You're gonna do a fun song, aren't you? I'm not gonna do a fun song! I'm gonna do something that reaches - right deep down inside of you and - Yeah! tickles you in your nether bits.
- Yeah.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Do you want to win? - Yes, I do.
I think he's got enough accolades.
I need definite conformation that my life hasn't been a complete - fucking waste of time.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - He's looking for the sympathy vote! He's looking for sympathy! - AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! - I knew you were gonna go for Johnny! - OK, I'm gonna take control.
- Professor! When I am talked over - Oh, God! I sound like a parrot! - I can't even Mel, shall we go and have a cup of tea? - I know.
Just let them talk! But listen.
We had to decide who goes first.
And Vic, you look raring to go.
- I'm ready.
- And for that reason alone, - Johnny, you're up first.
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Vic, go and take a seat! Go and take a seat in the VIP bar.
- It's not fair! AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Come on over here.
What is your first song? It's erm, I Can't Feel My Face.
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Give it up, for Johnny Vegas! THE WEEKND: Can't Feel My Face And I know she'll be the death of me At least we'll both be numb And she'll always get the best of me The worst is yet to come But at least we'll both be beautiful and stay forever young This I know, yeah, this I know She told me, "Don't worry about it" She told me, "Don't worry no more" We both know we can't go without it She told me you'll never be in love Oh, oh, woo I can't feel my face when I'm with you But I love it But I love it, oh I can't feel my face when I'm with you But I love it But I love it, oh And I know she'll be the death of me, at least we'll both be numb And she'll always get the best of me, the worst is yet to come All the misery was necessary when we're deep in love This I know, girl, I know She told me, "Don't worry about it" She told me, "Don't worry no more" We both know we can't go without it She told me you'll never be in love Oh, oh, woo Johnny! AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Where did you get that picture from? Sat in your garden, didn't I, and With a long lens and just waited for ages.
You don't feed the birds very often, do you? You too had a moment.
There was a moment.
You two had a moment.
Admit it, cos you were surprised, and I had moves.
And I was I was busting stuff out, and you were going, "Oh, God, I just I always thought of him as a sex pest.
" - Er, is it weird that I liked it? - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) I lost a little bit in the middle there.
Oh, shut up.
You did a good job.
Professor Green, what is your verdict? - I feel it was - Bearing in mind, bearing in mind, Professor, - I put moves in there, and I never dance.
- I don't dance either.
I think that takes a lot of courage what you just did.
I thought it was Do you know what? by far the best performance that we've had this evening.
Well, listen, Johnny.
You can go over to the bar now because we have pre-ordered you your favourite drink Ten Guinnesses.
Get in! - Oh, oh! Look at that! - Go on! - So Vic, you've seen Johnny - Yeah.
- do his thing.
- Yes.
What are you gonna come back with? Something more energetic, something more lively, something with a lot more youth, and power! - So tell us what the song is? - Daft Punk.
- AUDIENCE: Woo! - OK.
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger! So prepare yourselves, it's Vic Reeves! Thank you! DAFT PUNK: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger Work it, make it, do it, makes us Harder, better, faster, stronger Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Work it, make it, do it, makes us harder, better, faster, stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Work it harder make it better Do it faster makes us stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Work it harder make it better Do it faster makes us stronger More than ever hour after hour - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Work is never over Work it harder make it better Do it faster makes us stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Work it harder make it better Do it faster makes us stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Work it harder make it better Do it faster makes us stronger More than ever hour after hour Work is never over Come here! Come here! (AUDIENCE SCREAMS) You are really feeling yourself on that one! - That must have felt really good? - You see the helmet I made? - Yeah.
- I made it out of titanium, sheet steel and lead.
I was sitting over there with Johnny and - Tell him what you were saying to me, Johnny.
- We had an idea - that maybe you didn't know all the lyrics there.
- No.
- (AUDIENCE BOOS) - Do you know, the thing is - I'm not - Professor Green, - who do you think is in the lead? - It's very, very difficult at the moment.
I think we're gonna have to see the second song to decide.
- I think they've got a favourite already.
- AUDIENCE: Vic! Vic! Vic! Well, it's all still to play, so make sure you stick around as these two pull out all the stops, and things get weirder in round two of tonight's Lip Sync Battle! Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle UK! So, so far we've seen Vic Reeves go harder, better, faster, stronger, stranger! And Johnny Vegas not being able to feel his face.
- Probably not the first time, eh, John? - Put your hands on it, it's ready.
It is now time for round two.
And our stars are about to up their game, and do whatever it takes to get their hands - on our glorious Lip Sync Battle Championship belt.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERS) - Are you ready for that? - (AUDIENCE CHEERS) Vic Reeves is hitting the stage first.
And here's how he prepared for tonight's battle.
Mee, mee, mee, mee, mee! Who's that looking through the window? I've been practising a lot.
For instance, if I go into the butcher's, I like to practise my lip sync in there.
Say And I never get what I want.
I'm very, very confident.
My confidence is absolute! I've known Johnny for a long, long time.
It goes back a long, long way.
It's not good stuff.
This is a grudge match.
Johnny, do you know what you are?! A dickhead.
You're going down.
And then I'm gonna go down on you! - You've got a lot of time to talk to cameras, haven't you? - (CHUCKLES) - I hope you've rehearsed.
- (MIMICS JOHNNY) Hello, I'm Johnny Vegas and I can't sing! (WHINES) I came home from work and found him in my house fingering my lady.
The lady in the magazine.
He was flicking through that with his dirty fingers.
Ooh! I've gotta wipe the floor with him.
If I can find a couple of brooms.
Today, it would be the pinnacle of my career.
The high point of everything.
If I win this, I'm gonna hold my head up high and stride up and down my high street and watch the people lip syncing back at me.
Shouting from the other side of the street (DEEP VOICE) He knows he's got it coming for him! (DEEP VOICE) I'm gonna get him, man! Where do I go now? (CHUCKLES) I haven't stopped.
I'm ready for this.
- Try and stop me, Johnny Vegas.
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING) DESMOND DEKKER: Israelites Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir So that every mouth can be fed Poor me Israelites aah Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir So that every mouth can be fed Poor me Israelite My wife and my kids, they packed up and a leave me Darling, she said, "I was yours to be seen" Poor me Israelite Shirt them a-tear up, trousers a go I don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde Poor me Israelite After a storm there must be a calm They catch me in the farm You sound your alarm - Poor a-poor a-poor me Israelite - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) Ooh (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) I said I get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir So that every mouth can be fed Poor me Israelite aah I said my wife and my kids, they packed up and a leave me Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen Poor me Israelites aah (CHEERING) OK.
Vic - what the bloody hell was going on? - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) It's a sad song! Like, his wife and his kids have packed up and left him.
- You thought you'd go for - (MIMICS DEKKER) Shirt them a-tear, trouser dem a gone! (AUDIENCE CHEERS) So this is the message? That's the message of the performance? Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a sad song.
It's down and out.
That's what it's all about.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS AT VEGAS LAUGHING) - Johnny? - It was a travesty! - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Wait! How dare you! - Travesty of lip s (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Professor Green? It was good! It was - bloody good! - You did own it.
- It was.
It was.
It was - 'Ey, 'ey, you two, shut up! I'm talking to Mel.
- I mean, it was a bit weird, but it was fitting.
- Why was it weird?! - Just you know, a bit weird.
- What was weird about it? You.
- The skip was made of plastic! - Before we see Johnny - Oh, be quiet, both of you! - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - All right, Scary Spice! - (AUDIENCE CHEERS) So before we see if Johnny can smash it let's check out how he got ready for tonight's lip sync battle.
There's a sexiness within me that I've never been able to tap into, cos I've got that voice you know, like somebody dragging denim against sandpaper.
But when I can put someone else's voice into my head and through my lips Fucking gorgeous! Oh, I know Vic pretty well.
Have you got your teeth in? Why? You really wanna do this now in front of the cameras? I keep watching him and I'm just waiting for him to be funny again.
It's a great shame really, isn't it? When someone you held up there you basically, erm, wouldn't wipe your arse on them.
It's a shame it has to end like this, innit? You know, I've spent more time on this than I did writing my wedding vows.
Which is pretty disgraceful.
The think is, Vic, you know what it is? You're a peacock.
All right? You're a strutter.
And what I'm bringing to this is it's beyond the, 'Hey! A-ba-ba-ba!' It's soul, motherfucker! Soul.
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - EURYTHMICS: There Must Be An Angel La da di da-da da-da da - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Da-da da-da La da di da-da da-da da Da-da da-da, yeah No-one on earth could feel like this I'm thrown and overblown with bliss There must be an angel Playing with my heart, yeah I walk into an empty room And suddenly my heart goes boom It's an orchestra of angels And they're playing with my heart, yeah - (AUDIENCE CHEERS) - Must be talking to an angel Must be talking to an angel Must be talking to an angel Must be talking to an angel Must be talking to an angel No-one on earth could feel like this - I'm thrown and overblown with bliss - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) There must be an angel Playing with my heart, yeah And when I think that I'm alone It seems there's more of us at home It's a multitude of angels And they're playing with my heart, yeah Thank you.
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
- AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! - Look at that.
Listen to that.
Was that not uplifting? What actually is in that little bag? - It's erm, Vic's tears.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 'Vic's tears once I've kicked his arse.
' I've often wondered if I died and went to heaven, what it would look like, and I think I've found out.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - And I'm quite happy going to hell.
Luckily, it's up to you lot to decide.
Professor Green, the belt, please! Oh! Is the winner Johnny Vegas? - Or is the winner - I can't beat that! Is the winner Vic Reeves? Ooh, it's close.
It's close.
The winner of the lip sync battle is Johnny Vegas! AUDIENCE: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! - Ooh! Wa-hey! - Congratulations! So I know you lost, but did you have fun? Massive amounts of fun.
(MIMICS DEKKER) Shirt them a-tear up, trousers dem gone.
- But I had a lot of fun.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND CHEERS) Make sure you join us for our next lip sync battle! From me and Professor Green, and Vic and Johnny, good night! (AUDIENCE CHEERS) T REX: 20th Century Boy