Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s01e04 Episode Script

And more Halloween costumes and Mercy party stores for all your Halloween needings, stay tuned for Fred Topper Time flies, radio show's on at 15 Thanks for reminding me.
Nice try Fatima, but you can't silence the voice of the people that easily.
I disagree, shut up, see? Well fine, but I think it's worth pointless and not really nice here, Fatima? - I'm fine.
- Fatima! You did a sprainure on your knee there.
What, you're a doctor now? I happenly interviewed medical people on my show from time to time, let me give you a hand.
That man can not touch me ! What, how truly sexist! Someone call Rayyan, she's a doctor.
Oh, here, let me.
Fatima, I came as soon as I heard.
- Oh you're bleeding.
- No.
Actually, that blood's mine.
S01E04 : Swimming Upstream vost english Transcript : [dx.]
Synch : Pasbel - [dx.]
Ortho : Till Vidsrc : HDTV.
XviD-MiNT [spread it, respect the credits.]
Looks like a nasty sprain.
You dont have to dome it down for me, I came for your medical opinion.
You viciated your interior crushiate ligament.
Oh no, what does that mean? Looks like a nasty sprain.
Our physiotherapist comes in on Tuesday afternoons.
Who's gonna cook for my customers, you? Not unless you have a really good insurance.
How about swimming, the aquafitness class meets at the pool.
The public pool? No.
Swimming? I will not do it.
I told you I was not comfortable with this.
Oh stop fussing, this is going to be fun.
Where is the teacher, she's late.
What is that man doing here? Ok ladies, welcome to aquafit.
Excuse me, hi, can you tell us when the women class starts? As soon as I decide for techno, or salsa.
What do you think, sister? I am not your sister.
There's been a mistake, we can't take this class.
What's the matter, never met a friend of Dorothee before? - A friend of Dorothee? - He means he's gay.
Look, you don't understand, we're muslims.
Men can't see us in our bathing suits, they're too revealing.
Not revealing anything I'm interested in, ok? The pool is broken, let's go.
It's the pump, it needs a good heartscrub, but don't we all? So, ladies, are you in or are you out? Sorry, this isn't working for us.
It's what I had to tell the swans back in prom.
- Who is Dorothee? - You know the gays, they love Judy Garland.
- Who's Judy Garland? - It's complicated.
This is all too much fuss, I just want to sell the café and live in a cave.
Have you praised caves lately? No, you have a right to swim.
But you've just heard, it's impossible.
Don't worry, when your mom works for the mayor, nothing is impossible.
Impossible, it's not happening.
Oh common Anne, is my daughter's request so outrageous? Can't the pool afford to hire one female lifeguard? It's not money, it's all optics.
Cow towing to the muslim community after that disastrous open house.
A small explosion in the mosque, what's the big deal? Ok, when you say it out loud Lots of non-muslim women prefer women-only swims too.
Yeah, what do you say, can we look into it? We can't afford it, I'm sorry Rayyan.
You just said it wasn't about the money.
What are you, a reporter? Fine, you give me 150 signatures on a petition, I'll bring it up with the budget meeting next week.
Ok, 150 signatures, do they all have to be different? Funny, she must get that from you.
Go, her worship has spoken.
Her worship has spoken? Yeah, I I like that.
You know, I'm gonna be captain Jack Sparrow.
While I'm filling up my treasure chest, you're gonna be at home, praying for candies.
Jamal stop teasing, you know she's not allowed to go trick-or-treating.
Ok, don't worry Layla, I'll bring candies at school so you can look at it.
It's so unfair, can't you talk to my dad? I can't talk to Baber, it's not my business.
You know, my dad's the only bad muslim that doesn't let his kids go out trick or treat.
Now it's my business, maybe I will talk to him.
Good.
I thought it was none of your business.
Mind your own business! I thought you might need some help with your Friday sermon.
You did see the "do not disturb" sign on my door? Ah yes, don't worry, I won't let anyone disturb you.
Baber, I need time in my day for spiritual reflection.
Will the devil care about your "do not disturb" sign when he comes knocking? Ok, I'll buy it, why would the devil come knocking? To get some candy.
Ha Halloween? It's begging witchcraft, when I was imam, my anti-Halloween sermon, it was the highlight of the year.
I'm sure it was for you.
Fine, if you leave, I'll contemplate mentionning Halloween in my sermon.
What? - Are you contemplating? - Are you leaving? We've been through the budget twice, there's no money for this.
Keep looking, as a muslim woman this is a crucial issue.
Let's look in the dispatchionnary again.
Allright, ok, here we go, here's something, the mayor's conference.
The Beijing trip? You can't give up going to China, it will kill you.
You are so sweet, but not me, you.
See that 10 grand beside your name, there's your lifeguard.
But I have to go That means scrambled eggs please in Mandarin.
Oh, write that down for me.
- But - Good work Sarah, and if your kid comes through with the petition, the muslims will have their girl lifeguard.
That's wonderful, it's the best news I've had all year.
What was that noise? The sound of a dream dying Here's the petition, all you have to do is to get people to sign it.
How will I do that? Either they sign, or no food.
Ah, like an election, in the old countries.
Exactly.
Perhaps, we're causing too much trouble.
Sometimes in order to change the world, you have to cause a little trouble.
I just have to swim, for my knee.
It's not about your knee, it's about the knees of the entire muslim world.
- Is this really necessary? - Yes, doctor's orders.
What is that racket? It's the pump, probably got a lot of hair clog in here.
Too much information? I see there's already a few signatures on the petition already, I guess you must be pretty upset about this.
Upset? Cher's retirement uspet me.
This, I could care less.
But, they're taking your women's app with the class from you.
Oh, boo hoo, I'm really going to miss waking up at 5AM and listening to women whine about their hot fleshes.
No offence.
I'm sure, I would know anything about that.
Right, so are you against it, is that it? No, not at all, as a muslim and as a woman I am completely for it.
Right, you sound like I did when I used to tell my mum I had a girlfriend.
What? I don't suppose you're going to sign that.
Why not, I think a female instructor is a great idea.
Oh, I just thought that as an intelligent liberated woman you'd see that it's a step backwards to gender apartheid.
You just say that cuz you're skinny.
What do you care who sees you in a bathing suit? Fine, you've probably already been to China.
- House keeping.
- Very funny.
Can't I enjoy a few minutes of my privacy? Are you recharging your spiritual batteries? And that's why I put up the sign.
Oh, good for you, I hope everyone respects it.
Can you mention our petition at the end of the Friday sermon? Yeah, fine, right after I crushed the devil for Baber.
Ok, thanks.
Would you like me to close the door now? As long as you're on the other side.
Whatever side you are on, I'm on the other side.
So you see my conflict? going to try sabotage Rayyan's petition, are you? Of course not, I support it whole heartedly.
I'm going to pretend to believe you.
Thank you darling, you know, I think you should sign it.
It's the right thing to do.
No, because I love you, I would not sign it.
Well I tried.
It's a good job Fred Topper hasn't got wind of the whole lifeguard thing because he would rent about it and rent about it.
Oh yeah, that horrible man, that would be - Hello ! - afwul.
Dad, will you sign my petition? Because I love you, I will sign.
Mom? Oh, I'd love to but I can't.
You see I work for the mayor, it's sort of a conflict of interest.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Huge conflict.
- Ok, it makes sense.
I have to go put more of this around town, - so bye.
- Bye, see ya.
Port it behind you darling, there will be plenty of other opportunities for you to go to China.
Not in this lifetime.
If only muslims believed in reincarnation.
Oh, look at that, we're going to the Great Wall.
Great.
Oh, I'm sorry, is this hard on you? - No.
- No, shoud I look at this at home? No, no, I'm fine.
You know I was at the pool today, the petition starting to fill up.
Good, victory for islam.
You know what, next year the conference's gonna be in Buffalo.
It should be a blast.
I'll count the days.
You do that, I have to go.
That's more pictures.
Your worship Hey toots, how's the knee? You care about my knee, sign the petition.
Petition, does someone finally eliminate that pink-o-red Popowicz out of office? It's a petition to hire a female lifeguard.
Oh a chick lifeguard, buy me a reason to get mouth to mouth.
- Hi Fred.
- Oh Mrs Hamudi, how things are going at that organic love farm you call townhall? Not bad, we're starting a grow up Just kiddin'.
So, I see you're signing that thing.
I know, you think I'm a male chauvinist pig, and that I want to sit around and watch some baywatch babe in a chair.
You can't stop me, I'm signing.
No, that's good, I want you too.
Oh, ding ding, alarm bell, you want me to sign this? Yes, sure I do, as a woman and a muslim woman.
Is this part of your wacky cult? Well, muslim women don't believe in coed bathing but it's What, muslims dictating town hiring practices? The great islamic swimming pool cover up, today we bare all on Wake up, People.
Thanks for the tip, God I am good at my job.
Fred Wake up people, for a female lifeguard, just another day at townhall.
These people flush money away like at the CBC, today, a brand new Topper to cut our teeth on.
Islam, and why it's evil, gimme a buzz.
Can't you give me a little more time, Fred's ravings really slowed signatures down.
I'm sorry Rayyan, but the meeting is tomorrow morning.
Oh well we tried, better luck next time.
But we're so close.
Close only count in horseshoes.
Do muslims play horseshoes? I find these little cultural differencies so interesting.
Can we focus, please? Rayyan I'm sorry, we had no choice, right Anne? How did Fred find out that the lifeguard was for the muslims? Good question, you leave it to me, I will get to the bottom of this.
Thank God he doesn't know - about our trip to China.
- No.
He'd have conniption over the cost.
- You're going to China? - Yes.
Routine trip, nothing special, waste of time, worst part of the job.
Why are you acting so weird? Weird? Oh, honey, you've had some bad news, go grab a nap.
- What? - Nobody answered my question about the horseshoes.
Jack-o-lanterns? Desacration! In the house of Allah! Oh Baber, I'm so glad you're here.
There's something I've been meaning to say to you.
Mind your own business! Islam is my business.
- How dare you let them - How dare I, it's only Halloween, it's not like they were out drinking and dirty dancing.
We're not? Watch your smart mouth or you go nowhere.
What if he leaves Islam to become a witch? You can do that? I will not allow this.
I will not allow you to not allow this.
I will not allow this devil worship.
Go out off this pumpkin! Pumpkins have more brain than you.
Go make some pie! My daughter doesn't want to, she's a good muslim.
No I'm not, I swear.
You hear that, that evil western tradition corrupts my daughter's soul.
That's enough ! My mosque, my rules, carving pumpkins is inappropriate, Halloween is not a muslim holiday.
Thank you, brother Amaar.
The only solution is, having an Islamic version.
We'll call it : Hallaloween.
- You're mocking me.
- I'm serious.
The kids can get dressed up like non-human figures of the Coran.
Like what, a fig? That's good, or an olive, or a date, or an olive.
You can't have a problem with that.
I could, I was gonna be a pirate.
Never mind, it's too dangerous, Layla could get poisonned by white people.
Not if she has a muslim escort, right Fatima? I can't walk with my bad knee.
- One cube or two? - Two please.
I haven't had a moment of peace all day.
Amaar, maybe you're coming at this at the wrong way.
Explain Well, what I admire about Islam is that you don't leave your faith behind when you leave the mosque.
Everything you've done this week is spiritual.
- Everything? - It's all God's work.
Petitions? Halloween hysterics? Amaar, we all have our cross to bear Or the muslim equivalent.
Cheers.
Let's make this quick, pray for forgiveness.
I can't believe I'm a stupid fig.
Would you rather be an olive? My Hallaloween, my rules.
Sweet Osama costume, the grin looks totally real, dude.
Osama? What do we have here? Oh, Mr Bones.
Terrific up like the taliban, that's so topical.
Taliban? Absolutely marvellous.
Marvellous? But what are these kids supposed to be? Children today, they have no imagination.
Nice costume, fig.
Rayyan, what makes you possibly think your mother - would sabotage your petition? - Yeah ! Fatima told me she saw her talking to Fred.
Honey, you have to believe me, it just came out.
I tried, I tried.
I knew it, how could you, I know you don't like some of Islam's rules about women, but Fred Topper? He's the ennemy! Honey, I didn't sabotage the petition.
I mean, I didn't mean to sabotage the petition.
I mean, ok, did I sabotage the petition? You know you did.
You undermined me so you can go on a trip, that's evil.
Oh my god, that's exactly what I did, but it was sleazy, not evil.
- Dad? - Don't blame me! I signed! I can't be here right now.
No Rayyan, please honey, I Beware the bad terrorist! Osama's going to get you! Can we go home now? I finally feel at home in this godless western society.
Look, those decorations, I bet they have fuzzy candy hearts.
Maybe when she gets to China she'll catch the bird flu.
- Rayyan - Well, I'm tired to be nice all the time, maybe I should be selfish for a change.
So far, so good.
Hi, I'm Rayyan, I'm the injured party in all of this.
What about the other injured party? Oh God, Fatima, you're right, I am horrible.
Smallish horrible.
Fatima's going to have to wear an islamic swimsuit.
- Is it that bad? - Well, let's just say she won't be cold Ok, back to wishing to your mother the bird flu? A mild strain, maybe a little ear bleeding.
Rayyan, I think you need to pray.
I think you're right, I will go do that and I'm sorry for taking away from your spiritual time.
It's all spiritual.
Allah is great.
Just like that, the whole damn pump blows in the middle of the night.
- They had to put a new one.
- So when will they reopen? They'll be open again this afternoon.
But here's the really ironic part.
It cost 10 grand to fix.
- I'm not going to China, am I? - Don't worry, I'll bring you back a genuine Chinese souvenir.
A knock-off Louis Vuitton bag.
Wow, I wonder where she got that, it will really cover my cellulitis.
Welcome back, so, you're good to go? Yes, I'm here to fix my knee.
Girl, about that get up, you make that work.
So, techno or salsa? - Salsa.
- Ok.
Ready? Sorry.
Ok girls, in the pool, it's aquafit time! Move your gargantua Slice or zest? Today, I would like zest.
My reason for living, how was work? Oh fine, how sweet.
D'you hear about the pool pump? Yes, I believe the Hindus call that karma.
I was selfish and horrible.
Yes you were, but so was I.
Although much less so.
You two, are exactly alike.
- No we're not.
- No we're not.
- I'll get it.
- Who's that? Well, to show that I'm not still mad, I ordered dinner.
I don't deserve you, darling.
Chinese anyone? Funny.
I must get that from you.
Transcript : [dx.]
Synch : [dx.]
- Pasbel Ortho : Till