Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s02e07 Episode Script

$100 extra for that little office? First of all, Magee charges me rent.
Then he wants to raise it.
I wish he make up his mind.
Well, maybe you should just approach him and try to talk him down.
Never, compromise can only lead to a weakened position.
- It might lead to a compromise.
- I know how business works, I'm going to go in there, and give him an ultimatum.
Either the rent hike goes, or I do.
I'm sorry to see you go, Yasir.
- Can't you two work this out? - Well, I don't want to raise the rent, but my property taxes has gone up.
No need to apologize, this allows me to live out a life long dream.
- Home office.
- Home? Whose home? Our home? It's not a home office if you have to commute, darling.
- This isn't over, my friend.
- I thought you're OK with this.
I am.
Just need to give you back the key.
- I like this key-chain.
- Yes.
I bought it in Niagara Falls.
It glows in the dark.
- Oooooh.
- Oooooh.
- Season 2 Episode 7 - Spy Something or Get Out Can't believe dad moved out of here.
It's so sad.
Yeah, won't be the same without him.
Hey, did I tell you I'm renting this space.
I thought Magee was raising the rent.
How did you afford it? - I compromised with him.
- And why do you need another office? It's not another office.
Wait for it.
Mosque store.
Not sure that's a "wait for it" idea.
But OK.
Islamic books, DVDs, prayer clocks, prayer rugs - Like a real mosque.
- It is a real mosque.
I know, I mean like a bigger mosque.
- It will be good funding, though.
- For what? General fund.
For furthering the mission of the mosque in the community.
- So you haven't figure that part out yet.
- No.
But the point is, we're going to be real mosque.
Any chance you could volunteer a few hours a week? To run the store? Well, I suppose I could spend a few shifts.
Brother Amaar, I heard about the store.
- You have my full support.
- Can I sign you up as a volunteer? Stand around all day for free? Not a chance.
Think about it Baber, you'll be spreading Islamic culture, - interacting with the community - Might even help your people skills.
Who are you to impugn my people skills.
I will not stand still for this impugning.
Sign me up.
- Pulled the old reverse psychology trick.
- I think he pulled it on himself.
That's the beauty of Baber.
Half the work is already done for you.
So, what brings you to Mercy? Oh, you know, just here on a little "vaca".
Sorry, saw that expression in "Chatelaine".
Figured everyone was using it.
Just here on vacation.
Doing a little fishing up at Silver Lake.
Oh, you'll have so much fun.
You're not planning to eat the fish, are you? - Er, no.
- Oh, you'll have so much fun.
- You come from where? - Ottawa.
Oh, really? What did you do? - Actually, I worked for CSIS.
- Season? No.
CSIS.
Canadian Security and Intelligence Service.
- The spy agency? - Well, spy?! The people who target Muslims? Well, I wouldn't say target.
Occasionally we have a person of interest who happens to be Muslim.
Some of my best friends are Muslim.
- Who? - Ah.
Ah Farooq? Abdul, Halal Yeah.
I really don't have any Muslim friends.
I will get your bill.
- Oh, actually I was hoping to get some pie.
- We all hope for a lot of things.
Darling, here's what I was thinking.
Cork board, right here.
- But I'd see it from the dining room.
- White board then.
When you talked about the home office, I thought you meant the basement, or - or the garage.
- The garage is your space.
I would never dream of disrupting it.
- But this is the living room.
- Was the living room.
Honey tuffy, was the living room.
Now it's my office.
Are you sure that is a good idea? I mean People who work from home are weird.
You know, first you start sleeping in, then you start wearing your pyjamas all day, walking around with a stubble - I always have stubble.
- Cute stubble, not lazy stubble.
Darling, don't worry.
Apple Computer started in the garage.
Hewlett Packard started in the garage.
GM started in a shed, or some outbuilding, probably.
- So move out to the garage.
- But the TV is right here! - Salam aleikum.
- Waleikum salam.
Nice store.
- You like it? - Yes.
I set it up for impulse buys.
People come in for the free Islamic pamphlet, but I put it at the back, so they have to go through this aisle, and boom prayer clock.
Ooh.
The prayer clock doesn't actually go boom, does it? Because that would be unsettling.
Let me show you the ropes.
I stand behind the counter, people bring me things, I ring it through, and I give them change.
- You've done this before.
- I've seen it in the movies.
Look.
Don't worry.
I used to work in Fatima's when I was in school.
I know the service industry.
Your first customer.
Wish me luck.
What can I help you with today? Nothing, thank you.
Just browsing.
OK.
While you do, may I suggest you check out - some of our free Islamic pamphlets.
- Good.
Stop.
Not that way.
Through the prayer clock aisle.
- Darling, you're here for lunch? - Yes, just as I expected, still in your house coat.
Oh, I'm sorry, I just loved the smell.
I found this new fabric softener.
I did yours too.
It's all folded.
A suit? You never even wore a suit when you went out to work.
Yeah.
It makes me feel more professional.
Plus it helps me close a deal with Mr Cook.
I'm building a parking pad.
Hmm.
Smells great! Well it should.
Baba ghanoush.
Really, smells like cinnamon.
Ugh.
Sticky buns.
It's barely noon.
You got all your work done, plus you have time to cook? And bake? It's amazing how much can get done, without Amaar and Magee around.
You know, it's always: Yasir, do you want to hear a joke? Yasir, do you want to go out for lunch? Yasir, would you get out of here, we're trying to work.
- Take a seat, darling.
- Where should I sit? Well anywhere.
Just watch the ice sculpture.
How was the first shift? Great.
I swept the floor, counted the inventory, and cleaned behind the racks.
The racks only been up there for a day.
Well, I didn't say it took long.
- So, how were sales? - Very consistent.
This is just the float I gave you.
Well, OK.
We didn't sell anything but, it was consistent.
So what? No one came in? No.
They came in.
They just didn't buy anything.
It's weird.
Uh, excuse me.
It's a store.
Not a library.
You got to buy something, or move along.
See what I mean? Well, look who's back.
How was the "fishing" today? I see you haven't brought back any "fish".
"Catch and release".
May I see the menu, please? We'll see.
OK.
Is this about the CSIS thing? Because I already told you I'm on vacation.
A spy would say that.
I am not here to spy.
Look.
If a dentist was here on vacation, would you think that he was obsessively looking at your teeth? No.
I have excellent oral hygiene.
But of course, you probably already know that.
Ugh! What was that about? She's a spy.
She works for CSIS.
That's crazy.
Who told you she works for CSIS? She did.
Well, if she's a spy, she's not a very good one.
- What's she doing in Mercy? - Fishing.
Or so she says.
But obviously she's here to spy on the mosque.
That is what they do! But I haven't seen her around the mosque.
Exactly.
She is that good.
Let me ask you something.
- I hired Rayyan to work at the store.
- You hired Rayyan? Yes.
Why do you ask like that? When she worked here, she was a tyrant.
I don't understand.
She's usually so nice.
A cash register is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands.
It make some people mad with power.
Excuse me.
Am I getting a menu or not? No! I always thought working from home was a bad idea.
But it seems to be working great for Yasir.
- Uh huh.
- Plus he cooked me a great dinner.
He seems so relaxed.
I don't know.
It makes me kind of wish I'm working from home.
With this story, you're making me wish you work from home too.
- Can I work from home? - No.
Oh come on.
I'm sure it will be a cost savings.
Absolutely not.
I need my people where I can keep an eye on.
Well, that's too bad.
Because you just signed paper saying I could work from home.
Well, that's not going to work.
Just because I sign something without looking, doesn't mean it is binding.
It's not M*A*S*H.
Fine.
Let's take it to the board of review.
OK.
So when I sign a piece of paper without looking at it, the results are binding and irreversible.
- You've got your home office.
- And a raise.
- Really! - You signed a lot of papers.
Something is up.
We are a target.
OK.
This is getting stupid.
I'm going to talk to her.
Hi.
- I'm Amaar.
- Well, this is very flattering.
But, I'm not really looking for a "vacationship" right now.
So Vacation relationship? Look.
My friend Fatima thinks you're here to spy on us.
Why would I spy on a cafe? Oh, no.
The mosque.
- Oh! You have a mosque in town? - Yeah.
I'm the imam.
But you don't have a beard.
That has been pointed out to me many times.
Well.
I wouldn't worry.
I doubt you're on anybody's radar.
Good.
What do you mean? Well, that's no secret that the government monitors some mosques, but they're usually, you know, big, professionally run mosques, in major centres, as in, real mosques.
We have 30 people.
Uh um.
To be hot-bed, you need to be 40.
- 30 can be a hot-bed.
- No.
You can't.
It's a rule.
Doh.
We could be a breeding ground.
Well.
Extremism tends to be fostered by an intense, charismatic leader.
So No worries.
What did you find out? - That I lack charisma.
- You needed a spy to tell you this? Whoa.
What's going on? - Just a typical shift.
- Oh.
I see what's going on here.
People don't want to buy from a woman.
People around here can be so sexist.
Just when you think you're changing things, something like this happen Hi Rayyan, can I help you with something? She's doing my shift.
Package of figs, please.
Oh my first day as a home office worker.
This is fun.
Working side by side, leaning on each other when things get tough.
- Eating a big breakfast.
- The most important meal in the day.
- Good for productivity.
- It's all about productivity.
- Oh, what's going on here? - Ow, breakfast honey, care to join us? - It's noon.
I'm home for lunch.
- We may have slept in a bit.
- Productivity is about pacing yourself.
- It's in.
- Can I try one of your sticky bun? - Hmm.
- Salam aleikum.
- Waleikum salam.
Would you say I'm an intense and charismatic leader? Uh, yeah.
Sure.
What do you want to talk to me about? Right.
I've been thinking, we should get someone else to take your shift at the store.
- That is so sexist! - No.
It's not.
It's just that you have no aptitude for it.
- It's aptitudist.
- Ouch.
OK.
Alright.
I may be a little harsh on people.
But I have plan.
Candy.
The girl who hangs out at the bus station? No.
"Halal candy".
I'm going to get a candy rack, and fill it with non-gelatin based, Islamically permissible confectioneries.
Ooh.
You really make it sound like fun.
Oh.
It is fun.
And then people will like me, because I'm the one who brought candy to the mosque.
Alright.
You have my approval.
Good.
Because the truck is coming today.
That's good.
You anticipated my orders.
Because I'm the charismatic leader.
- The what? - You know, from before? I wasn't listening.
Check it out.
Fish.
Wow.
You catch those? No.
I bought them at the market, and took them down to the water to pose with me.
Why would you do that? Did you eat them? No.
It's not about the eating.
It's about the thrill of the hunt.
Kind of like coming in here, and trying to get service.
- May be she is fishing.
- Of course she is.
Why she said we are too rinky-dink to be worried about.
Of course she would say that.
What do you mean? She's laying on a little thick.
You know, you could be onto something Fatima.
I didn't say anything.
But you are right.
You know what she said? She said our mosque is too small to be a hot-bed.
She said that? - We could be a hot-bed.
- You alone could be a hot-bed.
If she's a spy, then shouldn't you be going to the bathroom and run the water? Any flower pot could contain a microphone.
What should we do? We have nothing to hide.
We'll just take her to the mosque, and show her we're not up to anything, although we easily could be.
- Her shoe probably contains a laser.
- What? If she's a spy, then everything she owns is something else.
Her watch shoots dart.
The buttons on her jacket, poison.
You know, Baber, that was a good idea you had about going to the bathroom and running the water.
I'll go now.
Shh.
A tour is the way to go.
Whenever we have a tour at the mosque, it turns into a disaster.
That only happen three times.
Be careful.
She probably reads lips.
You guys still haven't dressed yet? - Hello darling.
- Did you have a nice day? - Yes.
Love it.
Very relaxing.
- Very productive.
I've never actually seen people feed each other grapes before.
We would rather eat cantaloupe.
- What is that smell? - Eucalyptus.
Oh.
It smells like a koala bear threw up in here.
Oh.
Your father gave me a message.
Twice.
Yeah.
The second one was a surprise.
OK.
Hey Hey.
That is beautiful.
It is.
Beautiful to see my parents in love.
Excuse me.
Oh.
There's left over quiche in the fridge.
Yeah.
My stomach's off, suddenly.
I've seen movies.
That is a spy truck, if I ever see one.
It says "candy".
Huh huh.
It's full of microphones, and men drinking coffee from paper cups.
One of them is the sarge.
- Really? - Nothing is as it seems.
That truck can turn into a boat, or hovercraft, at a moments notice.
Stop talking nonsense.
If it is a candy truck, then why do they not bring out any candy, huh? Still busy.
I can't reach this Ryan guy who ordered candy.
Rayyan.
This guy spells his name Ray-yan.
Call again.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Another piece of quiche, darling? - Hmm.
It is good.
- I'm glad you got your appetite back.
Yeah.
But if you guys starts playing footsie under the table, I'm going to lose it again.
- OK.
- Yeah.
OK.
Why would I want to go on a tour of your mosque? - I'm off duty.
- I know.
But come.
Check us out.
- We have nothing to hide.
- OK.
I completely believe that.
Trust me.
I'm totally convinced that there's nothing going on over there.
- Yes.
But seeing is believing.
- Really? 'Cause believing is believing too.
And it's a lot faster.
Come on.
You said there's nothing there.
So a tour of nothing shouldn't take long.
OK.
If I do this, would you get off my back and let me enjoy what's left of my vacation? You have my word.
And you can take my word, to the bank.
I'm sorry.
Are you trying to be charismatic? Charismatic and intense! Uh huh.
Zero for two.
- Yeah? - How can you do this? - What? - You should be ashamed.
We good people in there.
Good, innocent, hard working people.
Are you Ryan? Don't try your code-phrase with me buddy.
I know what's going on here.
- Can you tell us? - You should be ashamed.
We are just like you, we have children.
I don't have children.
It's hard to find the right girl.
- Sometimes my standard are too high.
- Susan is so good for you.
I don't understand why you keep pushing her away.
- Yeah.
But ever since she - Enough! You get out of here right now.
I command you to go.
- But we - Go! Go! Go! Come on.
We've got gumdrops to deliver.
You want things done, you come to Baber.
Ha.
Do you think working together at home is affecting our productivity? No.
Well maybe a touch.
I really should be looking at some schematics.
Works hard in this romantic paddle boat ride.
- Grape? - Um.
Get a room! Where is the candy rack? - We were told there would be candy.
- The children are heart broken.
I'm sure the candy truck would be here any minute.
Uh.
Perhaps the children would like to look at the pamphlet? Don't go.
It's a trick.
She makes you take the long way.
What is going on here? - We're waiting for the candy truck.
- It's no need.
I've sent it away.
- What? - Huh? What!? You can speak freely now.
They're not coming back.
- Huh huh.
- Oh.
I see.
I finally get people to come here on one of my shift, and you worked to undermine me.
You are so competitive, it makes me sad! - What are you talking about? - What are either of you talking about? Don't talk to her.
She'll try to sell you a prayer clock.
And this is the entry way.
Nothing too fairies about it.
The tour is interesting.
Oh.
What's that? Mosque store.
All the real mosques have them.
Huh! Why so many people? Ah.
They like the store.
My charisma.
What did the fund from this store go towards? We haven't decided yet.
Um.
That seems strange.
Make sure you look for hollow walls and check behind all those racks.
It's clean back there.
I cleaned behind the racks.
Another mosque tour, another disaster.
It wasn't really a tour.
She called for backup before we got past the entry way.
I'm so sorry, Amaar.
Are you kidding? Only real mosques get searched.
We're on the map! Yeah! No pumping your fist in the air, sir.
- That's weird.
- What is it? You are not hanging on each other like a couple of teenagers.
What's wrong with hanging on each other? Nothing.
Unless it's your parents.
We've decided working at home doesn't work for us.
Productivity down? Well, I did fall behind with a couple of projects, But then I lost that client, and things even out.
Well, if you're looking for office space, I know of a certain mosque store that's just shut down.
- What happened? - SWAT team came in.
If you don't want to answer, just say so.
I wondered if I should issue reverend Magee an ultimatum.
Thanks for compromising, Yasir.
- Oh.
Er, here's your key back.
- My Niagara Falls key chain.
- When were you there? - 10 years ago.
Canadian side or American side better view? Our view's nicer.
I've heard.
But I've never been to the American side.
I'm sure the view is great from both sides.
It was a bit cloudy when we were there, so we didn't really enjoyed ourselves.
You know what you can do when it's cloudy? - No.
- Wax Museum.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
You can see Ringo Starr.
Oh Yeah.
This is Well, this is really boring.
I can't believe I ruined my fishing trip for this.
- Would you two pipe down? - Sorry, Sarge.
"Drinking from paper cups, one of them is a sarge".
Subtitle by: Kiasu