Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e16 Episode Script

Something wrong, Amaar? You look sad.
- I would've said more reflective? - How do you get reflective from that? Well, pensive then.
But definitely not sad.
- No.
I'm reading sad.
- You're reading it wrong.
- No.
She's right, I'm sad.
- Ha.
I mean, how terrible.
What's wrong? You know these questionnaires I handed out to the congregation, and asking them what the mosque meant to them.
- You know what nearly everyone said? - No.
- Praying.
- Well, it is kind of our thing.
No.
The mosque should mean more than that.
It should be integral to people's lives.
We need more activities, more fun.
- You mean like an arts and crafts day? - He said "fun".
- You don't think that's a fun idea? - You didn't let me finish.
All right, you did.
Yasir, it's easy being cynical.
You know what's harder? Going to an arts and crafts day? See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
- Sometimes you just - Whoa, guys, - I am so glad you're arguing.
- Gee, thanks.
No no no, you've given me a great idea to reach out to the community.
Marriage workshop.
I think we should re-consider Sarah's very fun arts and crafts idea.
Season 3 Episode 16 Recipe for Disaster Are you okay? I have received a very disturbing letter from back home.
Oh, bad news? My childhood friend Hamidah has just been appointed "United Nations Emergency Relief Coordinator".
- Isn't that a good thing? - For her What about me? What do I have? A new deep fryer.
Oh hey, speaking of which, could I get some fries with my order? Serving Fred Tupper, such an honour.
How could I ever have been depressed? Hey, she snapped out of that pretty quick, huh? Darling, you cannot be serious about going to this marriage workshop.
Well, Rayyan and JJ are gonna come.
Rayyan and JJ.
Rayyan and JJ don't know anything.
They just got engaged.
Our marriage is rock solid.
- "Team Hamoudi"! Up top! - Yasir, sometimes we argue.
All good teams argue.
The locker room of the Harlem Globetrotters The tension, you could cut it with a knife.
Hey Duncan, can I talk to you for a second? - Ahh, "Team Hamoudi".
- You see? Okay.
If you had a wife who wanted to take you to Amaar's marriage workshop, would you would you do it? Absolutely.
I'm a great believer in workshops.
I would love to go to this workshop but I have reno's to do this weekend.
- If you need a sub, I'm game.
- Really? Would that work? You could take all the stuff you learn, bring it back home and practise with Yasir.
I love it! Well, the first half I love, the half where I don't have to go to the workshop.
- Duncan, let's do it.
- Up here! Fatima, look what I got, - an issue of "Bon Appétit" magazine.
- Just what I need to compare my tuna melt to those of five-star restaurants.
Five star tuna melt? Can you even imagine I was just trying to cheer you up.
When I want to cheer up, I clean out the grease trap.
Excuse me.
We need to do something for Fatima, Mr Tupper.
Trying to eat lunch here.
Hey look, you can submit your recipes at bonappétit.
com.
- Sounds like a hoot.
- We should submit her "Lamb Fatima".
No way! They turn her down, we never eat here again.
We'll do it secretly.
So she won't know until they say "yes".
It's your funeral.
Actually, I need your help to steal the recipe from under the counter.
Why can't you do it? Because I'm I'm Muslim.
You people, you'll eat the omelette but you won't break the eggs.
Did you know she makes her pop tarts from scratch? How many times have I told you, Fred, my cafe is not self-serve! I was just getting a napkin, toots.
Had to clean up a little spill.
- What spill? - That one.
Oh, Fred.
So clumsy.
Enjoy your omelette, kid.
So cold.
Oh, cold.
So I thought we'd start the workshop with a few games which might seem silly, but they're actually windows or portholes, if you will, into how you and your spouse communicate.
- Are they windows or portholes? - I don't know.
Windows if you're on land and portholes if you're on a boat.
Why would you fight on a boat? That sounds like a nice time.
Well, why don't we get started by going around the circle? JJ, Rayyan, why are you here? - We're getting married in a month - Yeah And you said, marriage is built on good communication.
So They're just engaged.
They know nothing.
And Sarah, why are you here? Well, Yasir and I I mean, obviously this isn't Yasir.
- Where is your husband? - He's doing a reno job, - so I brought Duncan as a stand-in.
- Hello, hi.
You are at a marriage workshop with another man? A non-Muslim man, while your husband is elsewhere? Exactly.
At least Mufeeda and I keep up appearances.
And we fight all the time.
Cats and dogs.
- Faisal! - You see? Well this is going to be a fun workshop.
Let's get started.
The satellite's all hooked up, no visible cords.
- And no visible picture.
- Ah, allow me.
Okay, we've got your VCR, your DVD Ah haven't a clue, this is your phone.
Subhanallah, I have satellite! - You are very good with reno work.
- It's all in the timing.
And the soccer game's just about to start and Sarah's not due home from the marriage workshop until dinner.
- Would you like to - Chelsea versus Arsenal! Stay? Let me get this straight: - Sarah is at the marriage workshop - yes.
- With another man.
- Exactly.
And you are here watching the game with me.
Perfect, isn't it? No! Even I understand that's a problem! And I've been divorced.
It went very badly, you know.
- Popcorn? - Chelsea! Yes, that's the mirror game, exactly.
Great, you guys are really in sync communicating, all without words.
Duncan, you are such an open book.
I once studied with a yogi whose mantra was, "You can't read a closed book.
" Or something He didn't speak English.
And how's it going here? It's just a little yeah that's it's a bit fast.
Okay.
Rayyan, can you try to communicate with your partner? - I am communicating.
He's not listening.
- But I am, I really am! I haven't blinked in half-an-hour.
- Doesn't that hurt your eyes? - It's excruciating.
Okay, Rayyan, just really try to be in sync.
- It's not a competition.
- Everything's a competition.
Hey "Betty Crocker", a little service here? - I am ladelling.
- Well, you sound happy.
What's wrong? I have decided to be happy for my friend Hamidah's success.
I have something no one can take away from me.
My "Lamb Fatima".
- Salaam alaikum, Fatima.
- Walaikum assalaam.
- Open Sesame.
- Some "Lamb Fatima"? You're in a good mood.
Did Fred tell you? - Tell me what? - We submitted "Lamb Fatima" to that magazine and they published it on their website.
- Now everyone knows you're great.
- What?! - Fred stole it.
- What? No! She made me! Layla would never steal.
She's Muslim.
- See? - You people.
Although we were just trying to make you happy.
But I am happy.
My childhood friend is saving the world and I have my signature recipe.
No, wait, sorry, I don't.
Ah! How was your workshop? Awful? - Not exactly awful.
- More like uh, challenging.
Hey, do you have any eye drops? - I thought it was a blast! - A blast? - Reverend Magee and Sarah were on fire.
- They tripled our score.
- We were on a roll, weren't we? - Well I had some fun, too.
Oh yeah, how did it go? - Chelsea won two-nil! - Oh, I missed the game? Good because I did not want to see it.
At all.
- I thought you were renovating? - I was.
I had to run the wires - From Baber's satellite, to his TV.
- Uh huh.
Then Chelsea had to face Arsenal.
- While I was at a marriage workshop.
- You wanted to go.
- You were watching TV? - I was busy.
- You lied to me.
You lied to me.
- I was working.
I didn't lie.
- JJ? - Dinner at Fatima's? Nice read there.
Try and do that at the workshop.
- Darling, I can explain - Of course you can.
You always can.
- I just - Don't "I just" me.
You see, this is why I had such a good time today with Duncan.
- He has no ulterior motive.
He's an open book.
- I'm an open book.
A mystery perhaps but mysteries can be good too.
You know, I would rather have a romance.
It's not my fault I'm the wrong genre.
- Hello Yasir.
- Hello darling! Don't even try your make-up breakfast on me.
- Not even kippers? - Ah! Kippers? No, not even kippers.
Darling look I want to come to the workshop.
- You do? - Of course.
We're "Team Hamoudi".
I'll just tell Baber he can watch Manchester United and Liverpool alone.
You mean you planned a whole weekend of soccer? He has other renos that need attending to.
The universal remote, the surround sound, his VCR flashes "12", "12", "12".
He has a VCR, well why don't you record the game? Why don't you record the workshop? - That doesn't make sense.
- You're not making any sense.
- Huh? - I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense.
You see this is why I wanted us to learn how to communicate, but I guess it just doesn't matter to you.
Team Hamoudi? Fatima, you're making too big a deal out of this.
The Internet is a big place and this is a small town.
What are the chances that someone you know will even see that recipe? Oh, Fatima, I just saw your recipe on bonappétit.
com.
- You were saying? - That's just one person! Then I posted it on Facebook, MySpace, and then I made a videotape of it and put it up on YouTube.
Down the wing! Cross, cross! You know he can't hear you, right Baber? That is a flagrant foul.
Yellow card.
Yellow card! That's your 10th yellow.
There is a limit.
- I give you a yellow card.
- Maybe I deserve one.
What is wrong with you lately? It's Sarah.
She completely misunderstood me.
No she didn't.
She knew exactly what you were up to.
If anything, she understood you.
Perhaps I should go but I don't have a partner.
Yes, you do.
She is already there with another man.
- Doesn't that worry you? - No, I'm not jealous of Magee.
I just want to be Team Hamoudi again.
Isn't that not the point of Amaar's whole mumbo-jumbo workshop? You're right.
Sarah wants me to be an open book? I'm going to be more open than a phone book.
- Do people even use phone books anymore? - You know, in a telephone booth.
Do people even use phone booths anymore? Don't sass me, you got a VCR in there.
"12", "12", "12".
Okay, the goal is to communicate without words.
Really get inside your partner's head.
And go! - Okay.
- Okay.
- A boat.
A fish.
A beluga.
- No, no.
A walrus.
A manatee! - No, get off the sea mammals.
- Okay guys, silent communication - with an emphasis on silent.
- Okay.
- A cloud.
A tumbleweed.
- No, you're supposed to get inside my head.
Imagine Yeah, yeah - The Indy 500! - No! Okay, put the pen down.
Let's discuss what happened.
- So, what was it anyway? - I'm not even telling you.
- It's obviously a mango.
- Thank you.
Yasir.
Hello Yasir, thanks for choosing me over soccer.
Oh, that's quite alright darling, the match was a blow-out anyway.
- Oh! - What? We were just in the middle of a communication game.
- Ooh.
- Maybe you two would like a turn? - Yes.
- No.
I'll dance with the man who brought me, thank you.
Ooh, finally something interesting at this workshop.
And go! - Polyester pants! - Go team Magee! - Yes! - Team Magee? - It's closed? - It's never closed.
- There's no one inside.
- It's never closed.
- You said that already.
- I know, I just it's never closed.
Why are the chairs on the tables? - It's like she's not coming back.
- Not coming back - I feel hot.
Is it hot? - Fred, it's okay.
She's probably just had an appointment.
Yeah, with destiny.
She's gone to the United Nations to save the planet.
Always thinking of herself.
Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this.
- We'll be like Starsky and Hutch.
- Who's that? The Hardcastle and McCormick? Mcmillan and wife? - Oh, I love that show! - Yeah, isn't it great.
So, now that we've discussed some conflict resolution techniques.
I think it's time to put them to the test with our "problem dice".
- JJ? - Oh, no thanks, we've got enough problems.
But then we've lost our turn and we'll never catch up now.
Sarah, why don't you give them a try? Four.
You want to do some spring cleaning but your partner, - uh, Yasir - Duncan.
- Oh.
- Duncan, wants to play softball.
Uh, you two have to work this out.
- Sarah - Uh huh? I know that this spring cleaning thing is very important to you.
Acknowledgement.
Good.
It must be so frustrating to see a winter's worth of dust on the chandelier and you can't reach it.
Empathy.
Great.
Yeah, but who told him about the chandelier? - Did you tell him? - Shhh.
Why don't I just skip the softball, we'll get out the ladder and take care of the dust right now? Drops his agenda and over-delivers.
Home run! I can do that.
I can do that.
- Six.
- You want to go shopping for a drill.
Your wife wants to shop for shoes.
You only have time for one.
- Which do you choose? - What kind of drill is it? - Uh, doesn't matter.
- Of course it does.
Okay, best drill ever.
- Is it on sale? - Sure.
- The shoes are on sale, too.
- Got it.
You get the shoes.
I get the 20 volt cordless impact driver.
It's a win-win, we split up.
Split up? No, Yasir, it's lose-lose.
We don't get to spend time together.
Which was the whole point.
Darling, we're still in the same mall.
- Are you kidding me? - No, I'm not.
You're over there with the shoes, I'm over here with the impact driver.
Shoes.
Hey Sarah, how are you? Hello! Hello! Everyone, let's take five.
- Okay, Duncan, do you have a moment? - Oh, yes, sure.
- Thanks.
- You know what I'm going to do? - I'm going to roll again.
- No, you know what? Yeah.
I'm rolling! I'm rolling! Hey Fatima, whatcha doing? - No Joe.
- No what? No I am not talking about what I am doing.
- So what are you not doing? - Rethinking my future.
Yeah, I'm not doing that either.
- It's going great.
- Are you kidding? It's like the Harlem Globetrotters locker room in there.
Tension is good.
You're right where you want to be.
Now you have something to solve with all those new skills you've been teaching.
Really, 'cause I feel like I'm flying a 747 without a manual.
Nah, you're a better pilot than you think.
That's always the last thing they hear on the black box.
Throttle up, captain.
Mayday, mayday! Ah, Fatima, I wanted a grilled cheese after Man-U's victory but the café was closed.
I wanted some time alone.
Ah, dibs on the word-jumble.
Shoo, shoo, shoo.
Go.
You're flying solo on this one, buddy.
Okay, people.
What happened in here? - Rayyan? - JJ's obviously not trying.
I just don't know if this is important to him.
Not trying? That's all I've been doing is trying.
- But not the right way.
- There is no right way.
But the exercises, the games Real communication is awkward and messy.
The important thing is that JJ was in there like a dirty shirt.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
And you two.
You are the most happily-married couple I've ever met.
- No offence, Faisal.
- You are only speaking the truth.
Sarah, Yasir made it clear he did not want to be at this seminar this weekend.
He's right.
He wanted a little well-deserved down time.
- Hah! It's like he's reading my mind.
- You're right.
He tried to tell me.
I did.
I really did.
But don't be too hard on yourself.
- And you, Yasir.
- Oh, there's more? You lied, you deceived.
And whether you meant to or not - you hurt Sarah's feelings.
- That's it, you did what he said.
- I should have been more honest.
- I should have listened.
I should have eaten before I came.
How much longer are we going to be? - What is this, a convention? - I do not know.
I am not offering food and yet the people keep coming.
- Siddiqui, what are you doing? - I'm just "hanging".
- Joe? - Same.
Fatima, please, sweetheart, I'm a desperate man.
- I'm not above bribery.
- I am.
- I'll pay you double.
- I'll triple it.
Not really but still, I need a grilled cheese.
Is that the only way to get you people off my back? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Fine! I will re-open the café for today only.
- Happy? - Yeah! Yeah! Who ordered the curry? Why did I not stay in the park? Fatima, I just wanted to say thank you.
For? I made "Lamb Fatima" for my family and they loved it.
You made my food at home, but still you come here? - We come for Fatima, not just the food.
- Exactly.
Besides, making "Lamb Fatima" is a huge pain.
- I ask you, who has a lamb spit? - I got one at home.
Well, we come for the food, too, but mostly we come for you.
Well Hamidah may have the United Nations, but I have all of Mercy.
Who needs United Nations, huh? Just a bunch of We do not need to hear your blowhard views on the UN, Fred.
The only way to shut me up is to feed me.
- Layla, turn the sign.
- Told you it'd work out, kiddo.
Amaar, thank you for the amazing marriage workshop.
Yeah.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Well, thank you guys for coming to support our arts and craft fair.
Fantastic, look at this.
There's arts here.
There's crafts there.
- Now pass me the minaret.
- Here you go.
Wow, it's a little mosque! Do you like the dome? I took a Styrofoam ball and I painted it gold.
And look, I have little mosque-goers inside.
Astaghfirullah! Representational art! They could be mistaken for real people.
C'mon dad, they're sour tots.
Oh, it is a slippery slope to idol worship.
- Mmm.
I will help.
- Baber! What!? You've had your arts and crafts day, and I've had a little treat.
Maybe I could have a couple, too.
What do these prayer mats taste like? Subtitle by: Kiasuseven