Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e20 Episode Script

- I can't believe it's finally here! - You mean the newspaper? - No, Rayyan's wedding day! - I know.
I'm just messing with you.
Yasir, this is the happiest day of our lives.
It's no time for fun.
- Oh, here she is! - Oh, here she is! Honey, you should get dressed.
The Jaffers will be here soon.
- You look tired.
Are you all right? - I had the strangest dream.
JJ's parents were getting a divorce, and JJ's mom was mad at me for telling JJ, and JJ's dad was mad at JJ's mom for telling me, and the mosque was being fumigated so there was no place to have the wedding.
- Yeah, that all happened.
- I'm gonna go back to bed.
No! Darling, it's all going to be fine, I promise you! This day will work out exactly as it should.
- Do you really think so? - Yes, this is a happy day, why so serious? Happy, fun.
Happy, fun! Season 3 Episode 20 Can I Get a Witness? Amaar, have you found a place for Rayyan's wedding yet? How about, "where you going, Amaar?" "How's you day, Amaar?" - Or even "salaam alaikum"? - Walaikum assalaam.
Have you found a place for Rayyan's wedding yet? A place for a wedding you needing, is it? I can get you a place for a wedding.
The aisle, the priest the whole damn thing.
- We don't need a priest.
- Good, 'cause I uh I can't really get you a priest.
Pass the salt, please? JJ, would you please ask your mother to pass the French toast? - Why don't you just ask her yourself? - Funny story I'm not talking to her since she ruined your wedding.
I ruined his wedding? You're the one who wanted to divorce.
And then you're the one who had to tell the whole world.
To be fair she didn't tell the whole world.
She just told me.
- Which appears to be the same thing.
- Dad! I don't think we should drag Rayyan into this.
It's not her fault.
- Thank you, auntie.
- Though to be fair, - I didn't know she had such a big mouth.
- Mom! The big mouth here is yours! You were not supposed to say anything about this People, please! Be reasonable! Have the last couple of days gone as smoothly as we'd like? No! Would we like to go back and change things if we could? Yes! Do we have to listen to Yasir ask and answer his own questions? - Apparently.
- Oh stop it! - Stop it? We had agreed - Noora, Karim.
Your divorce isn't going ruin this wedding, but your bickering will.
- Now let's all just be grown-up about this.
- You're absolutely right.
I apologize.
As do I.
And that's how you save a wedding.
I dunno, I think my ask-and-answer thing would've worked if we'd've given it a chance.
The prairie dog lodge? I don't know.
C'mon, it's big enough for a wedding.
You know it's got nice high ceilings.
- Plus it smells like cedar.
- I do like the smell of cedar.
Wait, what's the catch? You wouldn't be offering the lodge unless there were something in it for you.
- What are you inferring? - No, no, I imply, you infer.
- Well, then what are you implying? - I'm not implying anything either.
- I came right out and said it.
- Well, in that case, here's the catch I wanna come to the wedding.
Why would you want to come to Rayyan's wedding? You hate Muslims.
C'mon.
We all know that's just stuff I say on the radio.
And in public.
And sometimes in private.
Thanks anyway, Fred, but I don't think Rayyan's gonna go for it.
C'mon.
Amaar, wait, look.
The truth is I love weddings.
I haven't been to one in ages.
I got no family.
Well, one sister, but she hates my guts.
I am pretty stuck.
But can we see it right now? Are you kidding? Like can a lodge member eat 17 pickled eggs in one sitting? - No idea.
- Oh for sure.
It's half the initiation.
I'm sorry for earlier, Rayyan.
It's just the little stresses.
- And the fact that I loathe JJ's father so much.
- Please, auntie, don't worry about it.
- You forgive me? - Yes! And also I'm gonna die if I don't try on this dress right now.
- Surprise! - This isn't the dress I ordered.
- I know! That's why I said surprise.
- Where is my dress?! The one from the shop in the city? I thought you were going to pick it up - on your way here from the airport.
- This is better.
My grandmother wore it, my mother wore it, and I wore it when I married JJ's father on that horrible day so long ago.
And now it's yours! Oh, um Does the ayatollah have to be here for this? Amaar insisted I come to make sure everything is as it should be.
We ran into you on the street and you tagged along.
- Nevertheless, I have been assigned a task.
- No, you haven't.
This is Islamically inappropriate! Gambling chips on the tables, animal heads on the wall alcohol behind the bar? - Alcohol?! - That's why we call it "the bar.
" Baber, it's the only option left.
I'm sure Fred won't mind if we remove a few things, clean up Don't mind if I do! - This is gonna cost you extra.
- What kind of extra? I wanna make a speech at the reception.
No way, Fred.
I can't do that to the Hamoudis.
Trust me, I'm a great a speech maker.
My sister let me speak at her wedding.
Oh! Any chance that's why she hates you so much? Oh, yeah Baber.
I don't understand.
The embroidery looks okay to me.
- That's not the point.
- Is it the stitching? What? JJ, this is the dress your mother wore when she married your dad.
- It doesn't have a great history.
- I didn't know you were superstitious.
I'm not.
But in case you've forgotten, your parents are getting a divorce! [ Doorbell .]
Actually, Rayyan, I haven't forgotten.
They're my parents, remember? It affects me in a pretty big way.
By comparison, this is just a dress.
- I'm sorry about your parents.
I really am.
- Thank you! But it's not just a dress! It's a symbol.
[ Doorbell .]
It's a symbol.
Oh, really? I'm sorry.
Because it looks like a dress to me.
And what is that supposed to mean? - Just relax.
- I'm perfectly relaxed.
[ Doorbell .]
- Will you just come in already! - So I see.
- Salaam alaikum.
- Walaikum assalaam.
What is it? Well, the phrase "Amaar comes through" get tossed around a lot these days - Right, did you find a place? - Prairie dog lodge.
- We're getting married in a lodge? - Look it's gonna be fine, I promise.
- Baber's cleaning up, Fatima's bringing the food.
- You're right.
It's a place, it's good.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Is your dad upstairs? I'm gonna tell him the good news.
By the way, guys, Fred Tupper's coming and he's giving a speech.
Sorry.
Okay, right - Where are you going? - Out, just out.
- Do you want me to come with you? - No.
Rayyan.
Alhamdulilah! Who knew it could take only four hours to turn a den of sin into a magnificent holy shrine? And that should do it.
And not a moment too soon.
- This is the best they can do? - Wait! What about him? Baber! Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa! Prairie dog Paul does not come down.
- This one's non-negotiable.
- Yes, but it's representational art.
And some Muslims believe it's offensive in the eyes of Allah.
It so happens that Paul is a symbol for all we prairie dogs hold dear.
Plus Yasir shot him and I'm still ticked off.
Yes, let us mourn him by hiding his portrait in the root cellar.
Forget it.
I don't care what's offensive in the eyes of your weird God.
Paul stays.
Weird? The man worships a rodent.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm going to check the hall and see if our relatives have arrived.
I'll go with you.
I don't want you bad-mouthing me behind my back.
- Good, I prefer doing it to your face.
- Huh huh.
- They're fun.
- [ Exasperated sigh .]
Is everything all right, my little ramen noodle? Do you realize that we've been married almost as long as Karim and Noora? We've known them their whole married life.
And yet I've never heard them argue before.
- It scares me.
- We're nothing like them.
We fight all the time.
I mean, The good type of fighting.
The "let's-get-the-stupid-thing- that-Yasir-done-out-in-the-open before-it-becomes-a-big stupid-thing" type of fighting.
- You think? - We have an unbreakable bond, a lovely home, a perfect daughter - Yasir! - A son-in-law who sneaks up out of nowhere.
- What's wrong, JJ? - Have you seen Rayyan? She left the house three hours ago and she didn't take her cell phone.
Well, let's have a wedding, everyone.
We have guests, we have an imam, what else do we need? A bride? - Rayyan is missing? - We had a fight.
Noora will be horrified.
I'll go tell her.
Very strange.
Very, very, very, very strange.
I wonder what's holding things up? This ceremony was supposed to start half an hour ago.
Yes, I'm worried sick.
So is this gonna be an open bar or one of those chintzy cash dealies? Sorry, mayor, there isn't a drop of alcohol in the place.
I wouldn't put money on that, chuckles.
Well, it is still nicer than where we got married.
Gotcha! Ow! Let's not panic, JJ.
There's no reason to believe Rayyan is standing you up.
- She seemed pretty mad.
- I'm sure she's over it by now.
Rayyan's not the type to be stubborn.
Okay, how mad was she? Sorry I'm late.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- We were so worried! - Where were you? I was in the city picking up my dress.
So I see.
I'm sorry, auntie.
I know that you meant well, - but this is what I want.
- Well, I'm happy if you're happy.
- That's all that seems to matter.
- Noora! - JJ, can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.
- Um, maybe we should do this inside.
- Good idea.
Excuse us.
Sorry.
You know there are still such things as pay phones.
- You could've called.
- I was trying to hurry.
I can't believe you did all this for a dress.
- I wanted to do this the right way.
- Meaning your way.
I'm sorry.
On the other hand you do look astounding in that dress.
I have an idea.
We have this big room, food, guests.
What do you say we do something impulsive like get married? Leave everything in the cooler, man, it was unbelievable.
- What's going on? - It looks like "Ellis Island" in here.
Nah, the immigrants on "Ellis Island" were primarily of European descent.
- Is that true? - Yeah.
Jeez, read a book.
Fred What are they doing here? - Oh, right, poker night, I forgot.
- Yo, Tupper! - You must get them out of here - Shhhhh! It's gonna cost you.
I want Paul reinstated.
- It's represent - Representational art, I know.
Either Paul goes back up on the wall or the lodge guys stay.
- Uh, dad.
- Not now, Layla, the grown-ups are talking.
I know! I have an idea for a compromise.
- Hey, why did they cover Paul's eyes? - Some believe if you cover the eyes you make the image more Islamically permissible.
- Is that true? - Seriously There are libraries, the internet.
It doesn't cost you anything to educate yourself.
[ Thunder crack .]
Okay.
So all we need are the names of the witnesses, and we're ready to go out there.
- My dad will be my witness.
- I'm gonna be Rayyan's witness.
- That is quite enough.
- What's the problem? If you're going to be a witness, you need a second woman to equal a man.
- It is tradition.
- No one believes that anymore.
- Mom, if Rayyan really wants to have her mom - JJ! - Okay, Rayyan, maybe - JJ?! I think my head's gonna explode.
Do it away from the dress because it's breathtaking.
- Fine.
Auntie, you can be my second witness.
- Thank you.
But after everything else, I'd rather not.
- Choose a man.
- Oh, for heaven's sakes, Noora.
[ All talking at once .]
Noora, be reasonable! Why should I be reasonable? She has't been reasonable.
She doesn't have to be! It's her wedding.
Now Noora, maybe Rayyan has been nearly as stubborn as you, but if there's one day in her life that she's entitled to it, it's today.
Oh I see, so I suppose we're supposed to listen to you because you're her friend.
No, you have to listen to me because I am the imam! [ Thunder rolls .]
Please be seated, everyone.
Instead of salad bowls I shoulda got 'em a clock.
- Finally, it's about time.
- This seat taken, toots? - Dad, are you crying? - Eyes up front.
Through his life, the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, reminds us that the most important thing in marriage, as in life, is to love and respect one another, and to treat each other as companions.
It's a good word.
"Companion".
And whether we're married or not, if we're lucky very lucky, we all have one.
A daughter, a son, a brother, a sister and a friend.
These are the people that bind us together.
And they remind us every day that we are not alone.
[ Thunder crashes! .]
I will now ask the bride and groom if they agree to enter into this marriage.
For our non-Muslim guests this afternoon, you will note I will ask the bride three times.
In this way, it is clear that the bride is entering the marriage freely and of her own accord.
Rayyan Hamoudi, Do you agree to enter into this marriage? Yes.
Do you agree to enter into this marriage? Yes.
Do you agree to enter into this marriage? Yes.
Juanaid Jaffer.
Do you agree to enter into this marriage? No.
Wait! Rayyan, Rayyan, wait! Rayyan, please wait! You get away from me! I don't want to even look at you.
I didn't do that on purpose.
I didn't plan it, I swear.
- If this is about the witness thing - This is not No, you know what? It is.
And it's about the dress.
Look, I understand that you have to stand up for what you believe in.
That your personal values are more important to you than tradition.
- It's one of the things that I love about you.
- Just not enough to marry me.
[ Thunder rolling .]
Rayyan.
Rayyan! Please, stop.
Listen Ever since we started seeing each other, it's just been It's been one roadblock after another.
And sometimes I just can't help but wonder if it has less to do with what you believe, and more to do with what you feel.
- JJ, I love you.
- I love you too.
I do.
But something keeps come in between us.
It's always something different, but it's always the same.
I know.
I just wish I knew what it was.
I was just so looking forward to being able to To touch you.
You can't imagine how much.
Yeah Yeah, actually I can.
[ Thunder crashes .]
Help yourselves, everyone.
There is plenty to go around.
And I mean plenty.
- I have a headache.
Must be the weather.
- Yeah, that's what it is.
I'm sure we'll speak very soon.
Yes, have a nice flight.
That was Karim.
And They're just about to board the plane for Dubai.
Why? How can the best day of my life and the worst day of my life be on the same day? It'll be okay, sweetie.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
I'm sorry, dad.
I don't think I'll gonna be able to move into that house that you got me.
I have my eye on a place that I think you're gonna like even more.
- Where? - Home.
Okay okay.
Okay, I'm gonna go get some food.
- [ sniff .]
Tissue.
- Just take the box.
- Um, I'm surprised you came out.
- Well, what am I supposed to do, hide? What happened, happened.
And I have nothing to be ashamed about.
That's a good attitude.
I'm glad.
- Actually, I'm nauseous.
- Really? Maybe it's because Fred's about to come in.
Ahem, uh, excuse me, folks.
I uh I don't wanna take up a whole lot of your time.
But, uh Amaar and I had an agreement, and I was promised a speech.
Uh Fred, no.
No wedding, no wedding speech.
It's not a wedding speech.
It's more like a no-wedding speech.
No, it's okay, Fred.
Actually I'd like to hear this.
I realize that today didn't go exactly as planned for you people.
But today, I felt Well, I felt like one of you The important thing is that life goes on.
It doesn't always go on like we planned it, but it goes on nonetheless.
Is it scary? You betcha.
Uncertain? Most definitely.
The one thing I know for sure is that we can't ever judge the future by our past.
The past is just that place where we make our mistakes.
Anyhoo, thanks for that.
I'm gonna go home now and write tomorrow's show.
- Fred, what's the topic? - Crazy Muslim weddings.
I can't believe you people actually sit at the altar.
That's just wacky.
Toodles.
- How's the nausea? - Still there.
Look, I hate to say this but - Fred's right, life goes on.
- I don't understand, though.
My dad said today would turn out exactly as it should.
Well Maybe it did.