Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s06e02 Episode Script

Ok.
I got here as quick as I could.
Not quick enough.
Seven minutes, thirty-four seconds.
Nine seconds slower than last time.
So there's no gluten-free soy cake? Well, there was.
Nine seconds ago.
But I'm so hungry! Well, now that you've worked up an appetite, let's grab lunch.
I'll buy.
You? Buy? But my birthday isn't for another month.
- I knew that.
- You did not.
I did not.
But I'm treating to celebrate your singledom.
- Thank you? - And I got you a gift.
Oh! My driver's license.
You renewed it.
How did you renew it? Well.
Let's just say it's one of the perks of being the mayor.
Sarah Cunningham? You changed my name back? Well, your maiden name suits you better.
Hamoudi was too "ethnic-y.
" Well, I appreciate the thought, but I have been "Sarah Hamoudi" for most of my life.
I can't just change.
Too late! I already changed it legally.
And I gave you a new middle name "Danger.
" - This says "Dangler.
" - Oh, well.
- And what's wrong with my face? - Well.
It's not that there's anything wrong with it, necessarily.
It's just sometimes I just wanna smack it.
Oh, you mean the Yeah, well.
It's airbrushed and your lips have been graphically plumped.
You never know when you have to hand it to a hot cop.
Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E02 What's in a Name It's so strange to see my old name.
Well.
It's like hearing a recording of your own voice.
You've just gotta embrace it.
Sarah Cunningham My voice does sound weird.
- Who is this Sarah Cunningham? - Good question.
- It was Sarah's maid name.
- I will pretend to care.
Well, it certainly has a nice ring to it.
- Thanks, Rev.
- Astaghfirallah! Cunningham? Why would you want your name with the word "ham" in it? And HAM-oudi was better? You just blew me.
So, who are ya, Sarah Cunningham? I haven't been single for so long.
I know - I used to be quite the riot.
- Ha! I mean Ha! Sorry.
Just keeps coming out that way.
I was a wild child in high school.
Correction I was wild, you were a child.
Remember? I played Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
No, I played Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
You were an understudy for the legs of the Wicked Witch of the East.
How about when I snuck into Jimmy Snow's party and got so wasted? Again.
Me.
You held my hair while I ralphed on Jimmy's dog.
I must have done something wild.
Yeah.
You were friends with me.
- Poppy? - Yes, Dr.
Hamoudi.
Do you have the charts for today's appointments? - They're right here.
Along with the new lab results.
- Great.
Some of the patients are putting their cell phone in the home phone section.
- Okay - It's clearly marked.
I guess I'll just have to quietly stare at them while they fill out their forms.
Great.
Excuse me.
- Oh, my.
- You had an apple at lunch.
- I did - I went to the farmers market and I bought you a bushel of each kind.
Bushel.
Ha! Ha! Thank you.
Very much.
Perhaps with a name change, Sarah Cunningham will consider - coming back to play for Team Anglican.
- Never.
Why not? She's always welcome back to the flock.
She may be a white sheep in a brown flock, But she will not be eaten by a white wolf in Christian clothing.
- Well, It's Sarah's choice now.
- And she will choose Islam.
Yeah well, not after I'm done talking to her.
- I'll talk to her first.
I am the Imam! - Yeah? - Wait Why are we running? - I don't know, but I'm going to win! I know I was fun and awesome.
There's a photo of me winning - "Queen of Wheat" in here, somewhere.
- This one? Ann Popowicz wins "Queen of Wheat" three years in a row! There I am standing right next to you.
I lived through you! Have I always been so lame? I wouldn't say lame.
More like lame! - I was lame? - I was going to say boring, but it seemed too exciting.
Oh! Hi, Sarah.
Got a minute? Oh! Not now, boys! It's girl time, not God time.
There were so many fun things I was gonna do and didn't.
- Like? - Like, kiss Matthew Wilde when I had the chance.
Just be more fun, and flirty.
What's stopping you now? Nothing.
Nothing at all! Hmm.
All signs point to the flu.
Let's take a look at your throat.
Open up and say: 'ah.
' 'Ah.
' Good afternoo-oon! - Poppy, what are you doing? - Afternoon tea.
It's British.
Don't pay any attention to me.
Act like I'm not even here.
Ooh, that looks infected.
- Let's take a look.
'Ah.
' - 'Ah.
' - Apple slice? - No.
Your hands are busy.
Just open up and say: 'ah.
' - What? No.
- Okay, later.
I'll leave them here for you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcoooome! I'm sorry.
She's so nice! Yeah.
She does sound nice I guess so.
I just don't know what it is about her that drives me crazy.
Ok.
Why did Dr.
Connor hire her? Humm He lost a bet; they're related; he used Craig's list? I dunno! The point is, I inherited her and I wish I could fire her, but it's not like she's incompetent.
- Ok.
Want my advice? - You must miss giving advice.
- Now that you're not Imam.
- I might why? Well, you did go on about the benefits of leave-in conditioner this morning.
And you will notice the difference in texture and shine.
It shimmers like goat hair.
Ok.
I better go back to work.
Sounds like you need to fire Poppy.
- Oh! I can't fire her.
- Why not? You're the boss.
She's got seven hungry mouths to feed.
Sure, they're all cats.
But I'd feel terrible! Well, you'd feel terrible for good reasons, I guess.
Your heart is actually trying to tell you Woo! Here.
Eat these.
And come and get your flu shot.
There's something going around.
Aren't these supposed to keep the doctor away? Fatima: No outside food! Stupid Ann, I really had some good stuff for Sarah.
I know! Me too! - What did you have? - You first.
I wasn't gonna open with this but Christmas would be one.
I knew you'd play the Christmas card.
No.
We don't play them, we send them.
I always said I hate those little lights.
But they are quite pretty.
They are! Yeah, you should use them for your little, um - Celebration thing? - Oh, Eid? - Eid! Yes.
- That would be lovely! Yeah! Hey, you know what I like about Eid? - What? - Nothing.
It's "Eid-iotic.
" But I do like to eat the little donuts in the bowl of jelly.
- Gulab jamin? - Yeah Malab Mamin! Hum.
Maybe one day I'll make you gulab jamin.
Maybe I'll lend you my lights! - King me.
- King me? I'll never bow to you! The doctor's out momentarily on a house call.
Please take a seat if you're here for the flu shot.
Hi, Poppy.
I'm Amaar.
Dr.
Hamoudi's husband.
Ooooh! I know who you are! I recognized your well conditioned hair from the picture on Dr.
Hamoudi's desk.
Oh! Thank you.
- You should be in commercials.
- Oh! No.
He! He! Really? So.
How did you know it was me? Well, you work here.
It's true! I do work here! Ah, you are a funny little kitten! I haven't laughed like that in years! So glad you've had the time to pop by the office! I have missed so much by being "goodie two-shoes.
" And by saying things like "goodie two-shoes.
" No more gloomy Hamoudi.
- Atta'girl.
- I'm going to have fun.
Seize the day.
Grab a bull by the horns.
I know just where to take you! Ooo, girl's night! We'll go to Odayna's hot spot.
I thought Odayna's hot spot was Mercy.
Well, it is.
But there's a flu going around and I don't wanna catch the germies.
Can't blame a girl for trying.
- Ok! - No.
So? He was cute! How did it go? I asked for his number cause I lost mine.
Tell me you didn't say that.
Then, I also asked him if his father was a baker.
- No, you didn't.
- Because his buns are hot! Oh! You used pick-up lines? I panicked! It always worked on me in high school! Everything worked on you in high school! It's ok! You're just rusty.
Just be loose and be friendly.
- Keep em comin'.
- Just a diet cola for me, please.
Ok.
Loose and friendly.
Oh? Hi! I am loose and I am friendly.
- Ok.
You don't say it, you just act it.
- Oh! Ok.
Don't loose the momentum.
You go, tiger.
Oh? Hi! You're a guy, right? It's a boy! - Ann! - What? - Apple slice? - Oh! Ha! Ha! - Poppy, can we have a chat? - Sure.
I've worked in my fair share of high-powered offices Well, this is hardly a high-powered office, but I do what I caaaan! I mean I've worked with people who don't know how to Gauge their boss's comfort level.
Do I make Dr.
Hamoudi uncomfortable? Did she send you here to tell me? No.
But, you must realize it's a little awkward.
- You think I'm socially awkward? - No! Well, yes.
But that's not what I was trying to say! It's just with your sing-songy voice, you sometimes creep So, I'm just a sing-songy creep? Well, I'm Sorry.
I hear you loud and clear.
I'm fiiiired! No! That's not what Okay, we're running out of targets.
My mother told me not to talk to strangers.
Maybe we should just go roller skating! No more drinks, or I'll take your keys.
We're fine.
Shoo.
Maybe your mother had it right.
Don't talk to strangers.
That's silly! How can I flirt if I don't talk to them? Look.
Clearly, that step isn't working for you.
So let's just skip it.
- And what? - I dunno.
Give him a smooch.
I can't kiss a total stranger! - It's only a kiss.
- I haven't kissed anyone but Yasir in 30 years.
Ew! Why? Oh.
Never mind.
Just do it now.
Break free! - Well, if it's so easy, you do it! - Ok.
Hey! See? Done! Hey! Hit the road, Jack! Wow! Ok.
Got him.
Wish me luck.
Poppy, I need a flu vaccine count.
We're gonna stay open late for people to come and get their shots.
- Apple slice? - Amaar? Where's Poppy? - Emotionally, in her childhood.
Physically, she's probably somewhere crying over apple slices.
- What did you do? - I may have accidentally fired her.
This is my clinic.
You can't come in here and fire people.
- To be fair, that is what you wanted.
- Not now! I have a waiting room - full of people! I need Poppy! - It'll be fine! You know what they say.
A couple that works together Fights together.
Dr.
Hamoudi's office.
How may I? Oh! Hang on.
Take a deep breath.
Ok.
How can I help you? Oh! You sure you don't want to remove that yourself? Amaar? What are you doing? Please hold.
You hung up on them.
These are the files for room 1 and 2.
These are the tests results from the lab.
This is the "Miss you" card the patients are circulating for Poppy.
This one's not for you.
- Amaar.
- Actually, I could give to you.
Just don't tell them it was me.
I don't want to sign it.
Actually, I advise you sign it cause you got a bad rap for firing her.
They really love her.
Hum-hum.
Well, since you're so good at making decisions for me, what should I do about Miss Melnick's cough, Mr.
Peter's fever, and Mr.
Wang's debilitating fear of needles? - What do you suggest? - I suggest I get some coffee.
That's the best decision you've made all day.
- Hi! - Hi! Ok! That was a kiss.
Hello up there! Oh? Oh, boy! Bastard! Oh! Svetlana, I swear I don't know who this woman is! - I don't want to hear it.
- No but I didn't Did I ask you to talk? - No, but - Ah! - Hi! Svetlana, is it? - I wanna hear from you less.
I'm really, really sorry I kissed your boyfriend.
It was juvenile and gross.
I mean, his kiss wasn't gross.
Actually, it was soft and gentle.
But, but, but me kissing him.
That was gross! Nobody kisses my boyfriend but me.
No.
You're right.
Good rule.
Excellent rule! Time to throw down.
I suggest you order a strong drink.
I don't drink.
You should.
It'll hurt less.
Oh, my goodness.
Thorne: Hum! Hum! It's hungry work winning back souls for Jesus.
All I could find in the kitchen were tortillas.
I believe it's pronounced "tor tee yahs.
" Find any salsa or guacamole? - No, there was only jam.
- Oh.
Did you bring it? - You bet.
- You bet! No, no, no, no.
I don't bet.
I'm Muslim.
Ooh! Nice, gambling.
Yes.
I'm gonna add that to the list of how to win Sarah back.
Ok.
I will add: "Never have to worry about losing your money to a gambling addiction.
" - No! No! You can't write that! - Why not? Because they cancel each other out.
No, just cross it out.
Ok.
What else do you have? Well.
Let's start with airline security.
Ann! Really? So, Cunningham, released your inner minx, yet? No, no, no, no, there's a woman over there who's gonna kill my inner minx and then skin it and wear it like a scarf! Nice.
I've never been in a bar fight before! No! We have got to get out of here! - No we can't, Sarah.
- Why not? Cause the bartender drinks I'm thunk and he cooked my tar keys away! I'm not drunk! I've always hated that about you! - You mean we're stuck here? - Yeah.
Fun, eh? No, it's not fun! You gotta get those keys, they're back there, somewhere! Ok, Sarah! You leave it on me! You leave it to me.
- I'll get these car keys! - Ok.
Hurry up! - You bet, I will.
I'll get - Be careful! It's ok cause the car keys are aaah! Oh! He said that I made the doctor uncomfortable.
Can you believe that? Me? Why are you touching me? I only asked how you were out of courtesy! Sounds like someone needs some loving hugs.
Poppy? I know you're upset and I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have called you over-sensitive.
- You called me socially awkward right before you fired me! - I didn't.
You left before I had a chance To fire me! I have some pride, you know.
No, before I had a chance to say To say that I smell like kitty litter? Anymore insults, mister? Look, I said too much.
That's what got me into this mess.
- I don't get it.
- I over-stepped my boundaries with Rayyan.
I can't fire you.
Say no more.
I accept my job back.
I didn't exactly re-hire you.
You didn't exactly fire me eiiither! Now I'm really in trouble Okay.
Yes.
I'll cross that one out, too.
Ok.
I have that she can eat pork.
Why would Sarah want to eat pork? - Bacon! - I have can't eat pork on mine! Alright.
Fine.
Great.
I have: "you'll stand out from the other whities!" No.
No.
Cause I have: "she can finally fit in with those around her.
" So Alright.
Last one.
- Salvation through - Repentance! Jesus Christ our Lord! - Not Jesus! - Jesus! - Not Jesus! Not Jesus! - Jesus! Jesus! - Jesus not! - Uh There's no way around that one.
Well clearly our little exchange ends here.
Clearly.
I think it's best to be leaving.
This is my office.
Correct.
Fine.
Uh wait.
Tomorrow, I'll bring the Parcheesi.
And I will bring the nacho cheesy.
Every time you say that, it's not funny.
Keys, keys.
Looking for keys.
Hello, handsome.
Can't we work this out? I mean, why doesn't anyone just talk anymore? - You think 'cause I'm a farm girl I can't communicate good? - Well.
- Well, what? - No, no.
Communicate well.
Well, I'm about to communicate my fist into your head.
Oh, no.
There's no reason to resort to violence.
- Let's just be mature.
- Oh ho! So now, I'm immature? Well, you're the one who kissed my boyfriend! Ann! Keys? Hello! Have we met? - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Can you talk to her? I mean, there's no fighting allowed in the bar, right? No.
I'm cool.
As long as you pay for everything you break.
Ain't gonna break anything except for your pretty face.
- Ann? Ann! Aaaaann! - Ha! Ha! Ha! Fight! Fight! Fight! We're not actually gonna fight, are we? Oh! She serious! I am the underdog, here! Why is nobody for the underdog? Oh! Ok, look.
I just got divorced.
For 30 years of marriage.
I'm fine but, I'm trying to start a new life.
I just I just wanted to have a little fun for a change.
I did not mean any harm.
Please.
I'm sorry.
Ok.
Let it go.
Let her have it! Maybe you're not the trashy skank I thought you were.
Oh! I'm not! You know, I'm really glad we talked this out.
Me too.
I went through a bad divorce a few years back.
You'll heal! Oh! Looky here! Sarah! I found the keys! You ride.
I didn't do that! Her bad.
Fight! Fight! Fight Ah! Last patient of the night.
That wasn't so bad, - was it, Mr.
Wang? - No.
Dr.
Hamoudi's office.
Poppy speaking.
Can I see you in my office for a second? Well, is the rash just on your palms? I'm really sorry that I yelled at you.
But now you've gone and brought Poppy back and made another decision for me.
I was just trying to undo what I did do, so But I didn't ask you to do or undo anything.
I was trying to sort out my thoughts.
You have to let me vent without taking over.
I know I messed up.
Look I'm sorry.
Well, that's ok.
I knew that you were a compulsive problem-solver when I married you.
And I knew that you were patient and forgiving when I married you.
Well, now you're just sucking up.
- Is it working? - I don't know.
You tell me.
Ouch! Go get your lollipop! Poppy? Can I see you in here for a sec Comiiing! I heard everything.
There's no need to apologize.
Oh.
Well, I wasn't going to apologize, actually.
I was Tea time! Sucker? Yes I am.
I really am.
Well.
We almost made it.
Ouch! Lesson learned, I guess.
I learned how to have one of the best nights of my life! - What? - I can't wait to go back there next week! Of course, not that bar.
We're banned, but.
.
Ann.
I can't do it again next weekend.
- Fine.
Then the weekend after.
- No! It's not me! I know, kid.
Momma tried.
Did you give the grabby lady her job back? I'm gonna let Rayyan answer that.
I did.
Amaar was right.
The patients love Poppy! And I talked to her about the whole personal space thing.
Well, you know what I say about personal space? Overrated! - Ah! What a wild night! - Yeah.
I can't believe I kissed that guy with the psycho girlfriend! - That was me.
- And then I had to fight her.
- Again.
Me.
- What did I do? You were friends with me.
Ha! Wild.
Subtitle by: Kiasuseven