Living with Yourself (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

Neighbors and Friends

Looking forward to your design conference? Yeah.
Spend the week in the city, see some friends.
That'll be That'll be fun.
You know, if you're still upset about the money No, I'm not.
Hey, I think I'm gonna get rid of that credenza.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Assuming you don't mind.
Uh Yeah, sure.
I mean, if that's what you want.
Hey, look about the money.
It's fine.
He took care of it.
Who? Uh, New Miles or other Miles.
I don't know what to call him.
- What? Yeah.
I mean, - I assume it was him.
The bank rang and said you re-deposited the money, but it couldn't have been you, right? Unless you have a spare 20 grand lying around.
- No.
- Well there you go.
You know, it's not like he's some hero or anything.
It was my money to begin with.
Your money? Well, our ours.
Our money.
Yours and mine.
Mostly yours.
Look, all he did was give it back.
Yeah, he did.
No worries.
It's funny how different you two actually are.
Hello? Good afternoon, Mr.
This is South Hill Fertility Center calling to confirm your ten o'clock appointment tomorrow.
Oh, uh Hi, Hugh.
I'm just gonna go ahead and cancel.
No need to reschedule.
Good luck with everything, Mr.
Okay, what? Hugh? How do you like that? Mr.
You look different than I imagined.
You are exactly how I imagined.
Does, uh, Mrs.
Elliott know you're here? No, why? Um You know what? Take a seat.
Uh, fill this out and we'll call you when it's your turn.
Please try to keep the sample in the cup.
If you miss the cup, please note which part of the emission was missed.
Your attention to these important details helps us help you.
For assistance, you may choose a stimulatory aid from the hand terminal.
Please press the call button when through.
WaterSportsCenter? We serve a range of patients without judgment, Mr.
Elliott, including you.
Dude, are you gonna listen to me while I'm in here doing this? Hugh? Hello? Hey.
We did it.
You can just leave that in the collection room.
I didn't want to.
- We will call you with the results.
- Can't wait.
- Hello? - Hi, Mr.
This is Wendy, calling from the Gold Pencil awards committee.
Just calling to confirm that you're still at 22 Crescent Avenue? Uh-huh.
Yeah, I am.
Um Might I ask what this is about? Uh, let's see.
Well, looks like your company submitted your Neighbors and Friends campaign.
We like to keep our records up-to-date, and for you, it's been wow, five years since they last submitted you.
- Been a while.
- Yeah, it has.
But hey, they must think your recent work is pretty genius.
Seriously? That sappy piece of shit? Uh I'm sorry? No.
Um Thanks for the call.
Let's see this genius in action.
Yeah, Kaylyn, it's Miles.
Can you tell me where today's Town Hall is? What? Where are you? You gotta get out there.
The whole county's voting in the Hillston pitch today.
I know.
I'm on my way.
I just need the exact address.
Milk and cookies from your friends at Hillston? Miles? Miles! What are you, a friggin' turtle? Stand up and shake my hand, goddammit.
Uh Hi.
Uh, I'm sorry, I forgot your name.
Don't big time me.
I'll tell your city friends about you creeping naked around my yard.
Though shit, that's probably a normal Friday night for you all.
What the hell you doing here anyway? Uh, just a concerned citizen.
Yeah, concerned is right.
Corporate bastards trying to microwave our balls off.
Take your seats, please.
We're about to get going here.
Now, as you know, we got two competing proposals for the cell tower installations and we're here to pick one.
This morning, Broadspan Telecom was kind enough to share with us their presentation.
Now, we've asked Hillston to present their proposal and I'm told they have a video.
At Hillston, we're a part of your local community.
One big family reaching out to your family.
And what's more important than family? Our state-of-the-art fiber connections have nothing on the connections that we make between hearts.
Your neighbor and friend.
We know you.
Now, I believe we're gonna open it up to questions.
We have a representative from Hillston.
A Mr.
Sorry, one moment.
Actually, I'm being told that our speaker is unavailable.
So we're just gonna go straight to public comments.
The microphone up front.
Hey, there.
Harrison Garrett.
I just wanna say that this morning, them Broadspan boys were slicker than snot on a glass eyeball.
Now Hillston here, they say they're different.
Local, like us, neighbors and friends, not some international conglomerate, like that video there says.
But answer me this.
If they're really our friends, why are they trying to sweet talk us with the milk and cookies? I ain't a child, goddammit.
Harrison's right.
Why don't they just tell it to us straight? I think I can understand their proposal without this lover to lover crap.
Neighbors and friends? They ain't our neighbors, and they sure as shit ain't our friends.
Tell 'em, Ray! That's exactly what I said.
It's a bunch of sappy bullshit.
All right, that's enough.
Anybody got anything good to say? All right, then.
Talk amongst yourselves, then we'll put it up for a vote.
Uh It's a 30-minute recess.
Don't get too drunk.
Shove your Golden Pencil up your golden - Come on, Ray! - Okay.
Buy me a beer.
I'll introduce you to some good Christian folks, sinners every one.
I'll take a rain check, Ray.
Eh, your loss.
I want you to find Miles, get his ass down here, because if this vote goes south, he'll be lucky to find a job as a shitpicker on one of these turd farms.
Well, I guess some people just can't handle the pressure.
Hey, it's Miles.
Leave a message.
Hey, hey, where are you?! Huh? Your cornball campaign is about to get voted down, just like I knew it would.
Don't tell me you're cracking now, because this campaign is the whole reason I even hired you.
I know, technically, I-I didn't hire you, but Whatever.
Fix your flat or whatever the hell you're doing and get down here and fix this.
Otherwise, we're both screwed.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
What would you do if you were you? Ray! Miles? Introduce me to your friends.
This man here is the absolute worst goddamn crop picker I have ever laid eyes on.
My brother Bud's a better picker, and he's just got one damn arm.
And palsy in that! And my grandpa's a farmer, so, yeah, I got no excuse.
Really? Poultry farmer.
I used to spend my summers down on his farm.
All that time.
Never learned a goddamn thing.
Well, that's the truth.
But one time, he did teach me to sex baby chicks.
He used to use this, um like a jeweler's, uh, magnifying glass.
To find the little peckers with it, yeah.
It's a trick he learned from the Japanese, I think.
So anyway, I worked hard at it.
He was He was so proud of me.
So proud.
Until a couple of weeks later when two hundred prize layers that we sold grew into cocks.
I separated 'em fine.
I just got the sexing backwards, so.
The customers were just a little bit pissed off.
Started screaming at me.
My grandpa, he grabs one of them by the shirt, gets in their face and says, "Any man that got no use for a cock don't deserve to have one.
" He still got the hatchery or did you put him out of business? Oh, he fired me before that.
Thank Thank God.
I went to go see him about a year ago, though.
Strong as an ox.
He's just, uh, throwing back beers like this.
Yeah, boy.
Three months later, he was skin and bones.
Stage four carcinoma.
Got his lungs, got his brain.
God, his balls turned black.
After he passed, I went and spread his ashes at the farm.
And it looked just like I remembered, nothing had changed, except one thing.
Cell phone tower.
He'd leased his land.
Not to an American company.
His neighbors had American ones for years and never had a problem.
No, this was like some international conglomerate who put up foreign-built towers.
Conglomerate was called Broadspan.
Ray, you asked me why I was here? Simple.
It's to make sure that what happened to my grandpa doesn't happen to anybody else ever again.
Boy, I sure killed the mood, didn't I? I didn't mean to do I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to that.
Gonna hit the head.
Not bad for old Miles.
Your grandpa sounds like he was something else.
You know, he he was the best.
I will say one nice thing about Broadspan.
We have the resources to keep our marketing in house.
No need for some outside branding firms running around doing God knows what.
Did you know libel is a criminal offense in this state? Crazy, right? I bet old Mr.
Hillston would be pretty upset if anyone opened him up to that kind of litigation.
Such a nice old man, like your grandpa.
Good luck on that vote.
All right.
Here we go.
With the voting closed and the ballots counted.
The Delaware County planning board hereby accepts the cellular infrastructure bid from Hillston Incorporated.
There we go! That one's for your grandpa! Thanks for coming down, folks.
Meeting's adjourned.
Drive safe now.
Hey, cheer up! We won.
You won all right.
- What's the matter? - Balls turned black, huh? Well, gotta remember that one.
You left that back at the bar.
Page 35.
There's an article on an old method of sexing chicks.
From the Japanese.
Sad part is I pegged you for a pervert and a fool, but not a liar.
Must be getting old.
See you around, big time.
- Hey.
- There you are.
There you are, Kaylyn.
Is everyone busting out the champagne? Uh-huh.
How about where have you been the past week and why haven't you returned everyone's calls? Pool made me call your landline, which I'm obviously not super comfortable with.
A week? I thought he just missed the Town Hall? What? Are you drunk again? And hey, if this is about our little hookup, don't stress.
I know you're way too old for me anyway.
Daddy issues.
Our hookup? Oh, please.
You weren't that drunk.
I gotta call you back.
Oh, dude! What are you doing to me? Hey, it's Miles.
Leave a message.
I'm coming over there, asshole.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Aah! Oh.
Come on.
Hey! Why don't you pick up your phone, you asshole! What the Hey! Hey!