Living with Yourself (2019) s01e08 Episode Script
Nice Knowing You
1 Miles?! Hey, Miles, is that you? Who are you? Hey! Where are you taking me? Ow! Hey! Hey.
Hey! That was cute.
Are those breast pumps? Are you the ones who kidnapped me? Arrested, not kidnapped.
And why are we in a breastfeeding room? Because regulations require a lactation facility for any site with over 50 employees.
Huh? Sir, four weeks ago, our agency received an aborted tip-off call that we traced to a cell phone registered at your home address.
You're the ones in the station wagon.
Why are you following me? I I don't Who are you? - FDA, Office of Criminal Investigations? - Hi.
I'd like to report a violation of Title 21 regarding human cloning.
That's right.
We're the FDA.
And we know all about your "spa.
" Along with 35 other suspected locations worldwide.
Now, according to your co-workers, you claim to be the long-lost twin of Miles Elliott, although no record of any such brother exists.
- Would you like to explain that to me? - No, you The other one, he's the brother, the twin.
It's not Look, it's not It's not what you think.
I can prove that I'm me.
Ask me anything.
Good idea.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions.
I want you to respond as if you're Miles.
- I am Miles Elliott.
- We'll see about that.
First question.
Are you Miles Elliott? You want me to answer that again? - Yes.
- Yes.
Great.
- In what state were you born? - New Jersey.
What was the name of the first person you kissed? Hmm God damn.
God, what's her name? - I don't know the answer.
- I know this, obviously.
Heilen, Helen, Helman, Hoffman.
Is it Heller? Oh, my God, I was just talking about it! Everybody remembers the name of the first person they kissed.
I got it.
Just Let's come back to that.
Have you ever used drugs? Is this, like, admissible or anything? Have you ever used drugs? Yeah, sure.
Of course.
I mean, nothing weird or any Halter, Halther.
Ellen Halther was my first kiss.
Blonde hair.
She was preppy.
Always acted like she hated me.
Are we done here? - Halther.
- Okay.
- Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - What? - Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - No, I heard you, but what does that have to do with anything? These are sort of personal questions.
It's not about the sodomy, guys.
Okay? It's about the machine's ability to correlate his claim of sodomy with his knowledge of the truth about the sodomy to determine whether or not he really is who he says he is.
- Okay? Do you understand? - Yeah.
Both of you? So Sodomy? - Yeah, I mean - What was the name Not like farm animals or anything, but, you know.
What was the name of your first girlfriend in college? Oh, Liza.
- Liza.
- Yeah.
Pretty name.
- Thank you.
- Did you sodomize her? What? Oh, come on.
I need to pump.
Uh, we're interrogating a suspect.
Weinrod? Aren't you assigned to children's vitamins? This is a special project, please! Go pump in the bathroom! You failed every question.
So what does that mean? - I think the machine is broken.
- What? It didn't register positive or negative.
Tech must've been scavenging for parts again.
- What? - Oh, God.
Goddammit! I can't prove he's a clone without any goddamn resources, and I can't get any goddamn resources without proving he's a clone! - Okay.
- Okay.
You know what? Fuck the polygraph.
Let me put this to you simply.
How can you be sure that you are you? I have a scar.
I have a scar! I got an appendectomy when I was eight.
The other one doesn't.
Why don't I check the medical records? I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.
Regardless of your records, you are toying with some of mankind's most fundamental concerns.
Who we are and and and what we are.
If you knew me, I'm just I'm so me, and not in a good way.
Just ask my wife.
All I'm saying is, I couldn't sleep at night not knowing who I am.
Hey! Help! I'm thirsty! This is illegal! Not again.
Tell Weinrod to find her own damn interrogation room.
Oh, hey.
You lucky son of a bitch.
Goddamn children's vitamins.
So, am I still under arrest or whatever? Technically, you were never under arrest, because, technically, we've been reassigned to children's vitamins due to a lack of cloning enforcement funding, due to a lack of cloning enforcement prosecutions.
So am I free to go? I won't forget about you.
Oh.
Please be Kate.
Mr.
Elliott, this is South Hill Fertility Center calling with your test results.
Sorry to say, your numbers came back good.
Nothing wrong with you at all.
Hope that was worth wasting two years of both of our time.
- Miles.
- Wait.
Miles, we need to talk.
Okay, great.
But first I want to apologize.
Oh.
Wait, was was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage? No.
Actually - Um - Okay, good.
Well just just listen.
I want to apologize.
For everything.
I mean, I've been so selfish, just so focused on me that I forgot about you and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
But it's it's not too late.
Last night, I read an article about separation anxiety at preschool drop-off.
It made me cry.
I drank breast milk for God's sake, I - Breast milk? - That's not Oh, this is coming out all wrong.
I had a whole Can I borrow your phone? Just for a sec.
- Oh, what what's our Wi-Fi password? - Why? Never mind, I got it.
I got it.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
- Miles, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.
- Yes, yes.
- Miles.
Oh, why No.
Miles.
I'm going Don't get the rope.
I'm powerless to the rope.
When I came home last night You wouldn't make love to me You went fast to sleep You wouldn't even talk to me You said I'm so crazy Coming home intoxicated I said I just wanna love you I just wanna love you, baby This is why I'm so elated - Come on, girl - Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby I betcha I'll make you hot Till you've had enough Give it to me Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff Give it to me Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff Give it to me, give it to me Give it to me, give it to me Give it to me, give it to me Give me the stuff That sweet, funky stuff Oh-ho! Ow! Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me What you say - Give it to me - What you say - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say - Hey, girl - Give it to me right away Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say You certainly don't dance like him.
Miles, I can explain.
Your business trip.
That's where he disappeared, right? I am so, so sorry.
Miles.
Oh.
Oh! Ow.
Fuck.
- Hello? - Did you fuck my wife? Huh? You cheating, fucking liar! Yeah.
Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
Oh, I'm going to.
I am going to.
Don't fucking move! I'm gonna rip your goddamn head off! Good evening, I'm trying to reach Mr.
Miles Elliott? - Uh, oh, uh Uh, yeah? - This is Stuart Penbrooke from the Gold Pencil Awards committee, and we wanted to share the good news that your "Neighbors and Friends" Fuck! Where are you? Where are you? Where Hey! Wh Honey.
I'm home.
Honey, I'm home.
Babe, I'm home.
Hon? What's for dinner? He's gone.
He's gone.
We can make it work.
Oh, Kate, I've changed.
I've changed.
I've changed.
I have changed.
Hello? Miles, are you home? Miles? Miles? - Miles.
- Wait.
- Miles, we need to talk.
- Okay, great.
- But first, I wanna apologize.
- Oh.
Wait, was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage? - No.
Actually - Okay, good.
Well Just listen.
I've been so selfish, so focused on me that I forgot about you and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
Oh, no.
- Miles, no.
- Yes, yes.
Miles.
I'm powerless to the rope.
- Give it to me, baby - Give it to me, baby I betcha I'll make you hot like you had enough Give it to me Ugh.
What I No, I What the hell am I doing? Why can't someone just end this for me? - Hello? - Did you fuck my wife? Huh? You cheating, fucking liar! Yeah.
I did.
Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
Oh, I'm going to.
I am going to.
Don't fucking move! Where are you? Where are you? Where Hey! It was nice knowing you.
No, it wasn't.
No.
It wasn't.
Ah! Are you kidding me? Shut up.
Can't you do anything right, you fucking moron? Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh! - Whoa! Oh! - You're an asshole.
You have everything you need to be happy and you waste it! Why should I be happy? You're the one everyone loves.
Oh, yeah, right.
Aah! Aah! Aah! I'm so sick of your face.
I'm so sick of your whining.
You ruined my life.
You ruined your life.
I hate you.
I am you! Aah! Oh! Fucking credenza! Fucking credenza! I just want you out of my life.
Fine.
Make me.
Make you? Yeah.
Make me.
What, are you gonna pillow fight me to death? You want me out of your life? Make me.
Stop it.
Make me.
Stop it.
Make me.
Make me.
Do something.
You're not gonna do anything.
You know why? You're a scared little chicken shit.
Hey.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, what have I done? No.
No.
No.
Come on.
Aah.
Oh.
Aah! You wanna know what I hate about you the most? Wh What? You got to wake up next to her everyday for ten years.
All I've got are memories.
And those aren't even real.
I just wanted your life.
I loved your life.
I loved it, too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I don't wanna kill you.
I don't wanna kill you either.
I want us both to be better.
Me too.
You should probably quit drinking.
I know.
I know.
Why? 'Cause you're really gaining some weight.
Especially, like, right in here.
You look like shit.
What? Fuck you.
Well, I see you two talked.
So, how was he? Better than me? Not that great actually.
Sorry.
Really? Not great? So Wait, does that mean that I'm worse than not great? Why don't you just let her talk? Don't tell me how to talk to my wife.
I'm not telling you how to talk to her.
- I'm saying, let her talk.
- Why are you talking at all? Oh, just stop it, would you, for five minutes? For the love of God.
Then you can go back to strangling each other or whatever you were in the middle of.
[sighs[ I am so, so sorry.
I am.
I'm I betrayed you.
I betrayed us.
And there is no excuse.
None.
Except to say that this this has all been a monumentally confusing time.
But there's one thing that's clear now.
And that's that you are my husband, Miles.
Not him.
Okay.
Okay, I'll I'll be gone by tonight.
What? No one should go anywhere quite just yet.
I'm pregnant.
What? I'm pregnant.
Are you sure? It's It's early days, but, um, yeah.
Whose is it? I don't know.
And there's no way of ever knowing.
I looked it up.
And unsurprisingly, there's no test for it.
With identical sets of DNA, well, I mean, it could be either of yours, or both I guess.
So, what does this mean? Who knows.
I'll tell you what it means.
We're gonna have a baby.
We're having a baby.
Mmm.
Hey! That was cute.
Are those breast pumps? Are you the ones who kidnapped me? Arrested, not kidnapped.
And why are we in a breastfeeding room? Because regulations require a lactation facility for any site with over 50 employees.
Huh? Sir, four weeks ago, our agency received an aborted tip-off call that we traced to a cell phone registered at your home address.
You're the ones in the station wagon.
Why are you following me? I I don't Who are you? - FDA, Office of Criminal Investigations? - Hi.
I'd like to report a violation of Title 21 regarding human cloning.
That's right.
We're the FDA.
And we know all about your "spa.
" Along with 35 other suspected locations worldwide.
Now, according to your co-workers, you claim to be the long-lost twin of Miles Elliott, although no record of any such brother exists.
- Would you like to explain that to me? - No, you The other one, he's the brother, the twin.
It's not Look, it's not It's not what you think.
I can prove that I'm me.
Ask me anything.
Good idea.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions.
I want you to respond as if you're Miles.
- I am Miles Elliott.
- We'll see about that.
First question.
Are you Miles Elliott? You want me to answer that again? - Yes.
- Yes.
Great.
- In what state were you born? - New Jersey.
What was the name of the first person you kissed? Hmm God damn.
God, what's her name? - I don't know the answer.
- I know this, obviously.
Heilen, Helen, Helman, Hoffman.
Is it Heller? Oh, my God, I was just talking about it! Everybody remembers the name of the first person they kissed.
I got it.
Just Let's come back to that.
Have you ever used drugs? Is this, like, admissible or anything? Have you ever used drugs? Yeah, sure.
Of course.
I mean, nothing weird or any Halter, Halther.
Ellen Halther was my first kiss.
Blonde hair.
She was preppy.
Always acted like she hated me.
Are we done here? - Halther.
- Okay.
- Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - What? - Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - No, I heard you, but what does that have to do with anything? These are sort of personal questions.
It's not about the sodomy, guys.
Okay? It's about the machine's ability to correlate his claim of sodomy with his knowledge of the truth about the sodomy to determine whether or not he really is who he says he is.
- Okay? Do you understand? - Yeah.
Both of you? So Sodomy? - Yeah, I mean - What was the name Not like farm animals or anything, but, you know.
What was the name of your first girlfriend in college? Oh, Liza.
- Liza.
- Yeah.
Pretty name.
- Thank you.
- Did you sodomize her? What? Oh, come on.
I need to pump.
Uh, we're interrogating a suspect.
Weinrod? Aren't you assigned to children's vitamins? This is a special project, please! Go pump in the bathroom! You failed every question.
So what does that mean? - I think the machine is broken.
- What? It didn't register positive or negative.
Tech must've been scavenging for parts again.
- What? - Oh, God.
Goddammit! I can't prove he's a clone without any goddamn resources, and I can't get any goddamn resources without proving he's a clone! - Okay.
- Okay.
You know what? Fuck the polygraph.
Let me put this to you simply.
How can you be sure that you are you? I have a scar.
I have a scar! I got an appendectomy when I was eight.
The other one doesn't.
Why don't I check the medical records? I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.
Regardless of your records, you are toying with some of mankind's most fundamental concerns.
Who we are and and and what we are.
If you knew me, I'm just I'm so me, and not in a good way.
Just ask my wife.
All I'm saying is, I couldn't sleep at night not knowing who I am.
Hey! Help! I'm thirsty! This is illegal! Not again.
Tell Weinrod to find her own damn interrogation room.
Oh, hey.
You lucky son of a bitch.
Goddamn children's vitamins.
So, am I still under arrest or whatever? Technically, you were never under arrest, because, technically, we've been reassigned to children's vitamins due to a lack of cloning enforcement funding, due to a lack of cloning enforcement prosecutions.
So am I free to go? I won't forget about you.
Oh.
Please be Kate.
Mr.
Elliott, this is South Hill Fertility Center calling with your test results.
Sorry to say, your numbers came back good.
Nothing wrong with you at all.
Hope that was worth wasting two years of both of our time.
- Miles.
- Wait.
Miles, we need to talk.
Okay, great.
But first I want to apologize.
Oh.
Wait, was was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage? No.
Actually - Um - Okay, good.
Well just just listen.
I want to apologize.
For everything.
I mean, I've been so selfish, just so focused on me that I forgot about you and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
But it's it's not too late.
Last night, I read an article about separation anxiety at preschool drop-off.
It made me cry.
I drank breast milk for God's sake, I - Breast milk? - That's not Oh, this is coming out all wrong.
I had a whole Can I borrow your phone? Just for a sec.
- Oh, what what's our Wi-Fi password? - Why? Never mind, I got it.
I got it.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
- Miles, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.
- Yes, yes.
- Miles.
Oh, why No.
Miles.
I'm going Don't get the rope.
I'm powerless to the rope.
When I came home last night You wouldn't make love to me You went fast to sleep You wouldn't even talk to me You said I'm so crazy Coming home intoxicated I said I just wanna love you I just wanna love you, baby This is why I'm so elated - Come on, girl - Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby I betcha I'll make you hot Till you've had enough Give it to me Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff Give it to me Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff Give it to me, give it to me Give it to me, give it to me Give it to me, give it to me Give me the stuff That sweet, funky stuff Oh-ho! Ow! Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me What you say - Give it to me - What you say - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say Give it to me, what you say Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say - Hey, girl - Give it to me right away Give it to me Give it to me - Hey, girl - Give it to me, what you say You certainly don't dance like him.
Miles, I can explain.
Your business trip.
That's where he disappeared, right? I am so, so sorry.
Miles.
Oh.
Oh! Ow.
Fuck.
- Hello? - Did you fuck my wife? Huh? You cheating, fucking liar! Yeah.
Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
Oh, I'm going to.
I am going to.
Don't fucking move! I'm gonna rip your goddamn head off! Good evening, I'm trying to reach Mr.
Miles Elliott? - Uh, oh, uh Uh, yeah? - This is Stuart Penbrooke from the Gold Pencil Awards committee, and we wanted to share the good news that your "Neighbors and Friends" Fuck! Where are you? Where are you? Where Hey! Wh Honey.
I'm home.
Honey, I'm home.
Babe, I'm home.
Hon? What's for dinner? He's gone.
He's gone.
We can make it work.
Oh, Kate, I've changed.
I've changed.
I've changed.
I have changed.
Hello? Miles, are you home? Miles? Miles? - Miles.
- Wait.
- Miles, we need to talk.
- Okay, great.
- But first, I wanna apologize.
- Oh.
Wait, was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage? - No.
Actually - Okay, good.
Well Just listen.
I've been so selfish, so focused on me that I forgot about you and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
Oh, no.
- Miles, no.
- Yes, yes.
Miles.
I'm powerless to the rope.
- Give it to me, baby - Give it to me, baby I betcha I'll make you hot like you had enough Give it to me Ugh.
What I No, I What the hell am I doing? Why can't someone just end this for me? - Hello? - Did you fuck my wife? Huh? You cheating, fucking liar! Yeah.
I did.
Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
Oh, I'm going to.
I am going to.
Don't fucking move! Where are you? Where are you? Where Hey! It was nice knowing you.
No, it wasn't.
No.
It wasn't.
Ah! Are you kidding me? Shut up.
Can't you do anything right, you fucking moron? Aah! Aah! Oh! Oh! - Whoa! Oh! - You're an asshole.
You have everything you need to be happy and you waste it! Why should I be happy? You're the one everyone loves.
Oh, yeah, right.
Aah! Aah! Aah! I'm so sick of your face.
I'm so sick of your whining.
You ruined my life.
You ruined your life.
I hate you.
I am you! Aah! Oh! Fucking credenza! Fucking credenza! I just want you out of my life.
Fine.
Make me.
Make you? Yeah.
Make me.
What, are you gonna pillow fight me to death? You want me out of your life? Make me.
Stop it.
Make me.
Stop it.
Make me.
Make me.
Do something.
You're not gonna do anything.
You know why? You're a scared little chicken shit.
Hey.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, what have I done? No.
No.
No.
Come on.
Aah.
Oh.
Aah! You wanna know what I hate about you the most? Wh What? You got to wake up next to her everyday for ten years.
All I've got are memories.
And those aren't even real.
I just wanted your life.
I loved your life.
I loved it, too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I don't wanna kill you.
I don't wanna kill you either.
I want us both to be better.
Me too.
You should probably quit drinking.
I know.
I know.
Why? 'Cause you're really gaining some weight.
Especially, like, right in here.
You look like shit.
What? Fuck you.
Well, I see you two talked.
So, how was he? Better than me? Not that great actually.
Sorry.
Really? Not great? So Wait, does that mean that I'm worse than not great? Why don't you just let her talk? Don't tell me how to talk to my wife.
I'm not telling you how to talk to her.
- I'm saying, let her talk.
- Why are you talking at all? Oh, just stop it, would you, for five minutes? For the love of God.
Then you can go back to strangling each other or whatever you were in the middle of.
[sighs[ I am so, so sorry.
I am.
I'm I betrayed you.
I betrayed us.
And there is no excuse.
None.
Except to say that this this has all been a monumentally confusing time.
But there's one thing that's clear now.
And that's that you are my husband, Miles.
Not him.
Okay.
Okay, I'll I'll be gone by tonight.
What? No one should go anywhere quite just yet.
I'm pregnant.
What? I'm pregnant.
Are you sure? It's It's early days, but, um, yeah.
Whose is it? I don't know.
And there's no way of ever knowing.
I looked it up.
And unsurprisingly, there's no test for it.
With identical sets of DNA, well, I mean, it could be either of yours, or both I guess.
So, what does this mean? Who knows.
I'll tell you what it means.
We're gonna have a baby.
We're having a baby.
Mmm.