Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s02e07 Episode Script

That Old Gang of Mine

- Oh, man.
- Beauty, ain't she? I got her on loan for the Planet's anniversary celebration.
Chief, is this what they used to drive when you were my age? Well, son, I may have gray hair, but that's from my job.
I wasn't even born when this car was built.
What's wrong with this one? When I came in last night, I couldn't seem to get it to shift out of park.
- Well, let's see what I can do, huh? - Okay.
Excuse me.
Y'all got the keys to my car? You? You wanna run that by me again? Oh, it's not that confusing, pops.
You see, this here is my car and I want it back.
So hand them over.
I don't know what your game is, pal but this car is on loan from a collector to my newspaper.
Newspaperman, huh? Well, you boys always were gutsy.
Too bad I never much cared for gutsy.
The car ain't got much gas.
You two have piled up quite a resume.
Carjacking, armed robbery.
When the feds catch up with you, both of you are gonna go away for a long time.
We already been away a long time.
Feds? You think I'm afraid of Hoover? A vacuum cleaner company? Jimmy.
Edgar Hoover, head of the FBI, 48 years.
- Never heard of him.
- They got any money? No, just some pictures and a bunch of these hard things.
What is that? Gold card.
Hell it is.
Well, I guess we'll get our gas the old-fashioned way.
We'll steal it.
Do we have to kill them, Clyde? The kid's kind of cute.
Well, make it easy on yourselves, boys.
Just sit back, relax and breathe deep.
- Now, how does this thing work here? - You just push the button.
How you like that? I think I'm gonna like the '90s.
Chief, if I could somehow press this with my head.
I knew we'd find a way out.
A little higher, a little higher.
To the right.
Come on, come on.
If we're going to turn this dreary little workplace into a grand ballroom by Friday we can't sit around sipping caffe latte.
- Lois, Clark, in my office, now! - What's up, chief? You're not gonna believe what happened this morning.
- We were almost killed.
I saved us.
- What? The kid's leaving out a few details.
But the bottom line is we were carjacked.
- Are you all right? Sure, but they got away with that car we were gonna use for the celebration.
Let me tell you how I saved us.
- Picture this: We're locked in the garage - Hey, hey, hey, Jimmy.
Go splash cold water on your face.
I'll tell you about it later.
- Did you get a good look at them, chief? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Gave a very detailed description to the police.
Then they looked at me like I had three heads.
Why? Because I told them we'd been carjacked by Bonnie and Clyde.
Chief, Bonnie and Clyde died over 60 years ago.
Well, I know that, Lois.
They took my car, not my senses.
But believe me, they did quite a job.
Costumes, makeup, the whole shebang.
You remember anything specific about the costumes? Well, you know, Lois, I'm not real big on fashion accessories.
Especially when there's a gun pointed at me.
It's just that there was a call that came in over the police scanner last week.
A man in a brown felt fedora and alligator spats held up a gun collector.
That's right.
He got away with antique weapons.
Tommy guns, Colt.
45 automatics.
There could be some connection.
Well, see what you can dig up.
That car was a piece of this paper's history.
It belonged to one of our great publishers.
But more importantly it's not insured.
That's right.
He's a dead ringer for Elvis.
Of course before he died.
Have a seat, folks.
I'll be right with you, huh? This is the last one of these places I let you drag me into.
I don't think carjackers register with agents.
Who'd know better than a look-alike agency about famous impersonators? Right.
The name's Sammy.
So, what can I do for you nice folks? I'm Clark Kent, and this is my partner, Lois Lane.
We're from Vegas, right? No.
Wait, don't tell me, I'll get it.
I never forget an act.
Got it! Kutcher's, the Catskills, right? We're reporters from The Daily Planet.
A babe with a face like yours should be in show business.
- Show business.
Me? - Hey, I know talent when I see it.
You throw on a wig, you slap on a beauty mark and you're a dead ringer for Madonna.
- Madonna? - Oh, yeah.
- That's it, I'm gone.
- Lois, wait.
Please? We were wondering if you represented any Bonnie and Clyde look-alikes? Bonnie and Clyde.
Bonnie and Clyde.
No, no, sorry.
But it's funny you should ask about them.
I had a guy here a couple of weeks ago, he was looking for gangster costumes.
Do you remember his name or what he looked like? Sure.
I keep records of all my business transactions.
How do you think I got where I am today, huh? One can only wonder.
Oh, there it is.
Emil Hamilton.
Rented an entire rack of gangster costumes.
I usually don't let my costumes go out the door Superman.
What are you doing here? I love it, I love it.
It gets them every time.
Folks, say hello to Barry.
Barry? He's a look-alike? How you doing? And, lady, don't ask me to fly out no windows, okay? I got some new 8-by-10s.
- That's good.
- Well, those are pretty close - This is a robbery.
Everybody, down.
but Superman's hair is a lot shorter.
See? You carry a picture of Superman in your purse? Well, no.
- I mean, yes.
It's just that - Fill it up.
That is, I It came with the wallet.
Lois, I have to go downstairs to put some more money in the meter.
I'll be right back.
So, what's your name, huh? That's it.
That's all of it.
That's right.
Take a good look, sister.
All of you, take a look.
This is the face that's gonna be smiling back at you from your evening paper.
The face of John H.
Hey, what is taking so long? I am getting wrinkles waiting out there.
Aren't you boys a little late for Halloween? Look who's talking.
Who you supposed to be, Little Boy Blue? Put down those guns.
Oh, my, he is one hunk of a man.
What is this, a cap gun? Jeez, you couldn't hit the broadside of a barn.
That's far enough, pal.
I ain't gonna miss this close.
Happy birthday.
Let's go.
Come on.
Superman, over here.
I think he's having a heart attack.
We better get you to a hospital.
Nice of you to show up.
While you were putting money in the meter the bank was robbed by someone posing as John Dillinger.
And Bonnie and Clyde put in an encore performance as well.
What's that? A ticket stub from the Cineplex.
It could be a clue.
A clue? It's a movie ticket stub.
You know how many people were in here today? - Could belong to anybody.
- Dillinger dropped it.
How do you know that? I saw Superman on the way back here.
He told me.
What does he make of all this? Believe me, Lois, he's as baffled as I am.
, Lois, I've got some information you're gonna love.
That vintage car the chief borrowed? It once belonged to the real Clyde Barrow.
So that got me thinking.
- Called the cemetery where they're buried - Jimmy.
I know it sounds weird, but get this: Those cemetery directors said that, a few years ago a scientist had their bodies dug up and took bone and hair samples.
That's pretty creepy, huh? - Did you get the scientist's name? - Yeah, it was Hamilton.
Professor Emil Hamilton? Yeah.
How did you know? Yep, we got a pretty sweet future in this town so long as we don't keep running into that clown with the blue tights.
Well, I'd be happy to keep him occupied any time you boys wanna run out and knock over a few more banks.
That's enough.
What have you done? You were to go nowhere without me.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about the news report I've just heard.
Don't you realize you could've ruined years of my work? Pipe down, would you? I will not pipe down.
This experiment is the most significant scientific breakthrough in modern history.
Oh, look, this newfangled box even plays cartoons.
I will not be ignored.
I did not give up 17 years of my life to bring you back so you could rob banks.
Don't be mad, professor.
Please, your perfume, it's killing me.
My allergies.
You can't keep us locked up here forever.
What is it that girl sings on the radio? - "Girls just wanna have fun.
" - Don't you understand? I brought you back so that you could help civilization, not hurt it.
Well, we gotta do something, professor.
I mean, we're sitting here going nuts watching this contraption.
I'm sorry, but until I complete the genetic altering of your personalities I cannot let you back out into society.
Until then, you will just have to abide by my rules.
The rules have changed.
No one makes the rules for Al Capone but Al Capone.
Now that I'm back, I'm thinking of taking over Metropolis.
White, I know you have a paper to run, but I have a reputation to uphold.
Now, I just need a decision.
Now, look, Jacques, I don't care what kind of napkins you use.
Just make sure my guests don't have to wipe their mouths with their sleeves.
Got some information on Hamilton.
He's a real science nerd.
Spends 24 hours a day working in his lab.
No family.
No friends.
Every penny he puts into funding experiments.
I'm not surprised.
DNA modification is very expensive.
DNA modification? I found an article in the library.
Hamilton believed that he could restructure DNA and short-circuit aggressive behavior.
He hoped to eliminate all antisocial impulses in man.
He ever say anything about bringing criminals back to life? Not directly, but he did say they'd be the best people to experiment on.
He even claimed that he'd found a way to accelerate the maturation process of embryos.
Really? The people I talked to said his theories outraged the scientific community.
Maybe that's why he dropped out of sight.
Hey, guys.
Get a load of this.
It just came over on the fax.
The police got a definite make on the bank robbers.
The fingerprints are an exact match with the real John Dillinger Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker.
What are we dealing with here? A Jurassic Park of human beings? Let's go find Bobby Bigmouth.
If Hamilton created these Whatever he might've created Bobby would be the one person to know.
- Don't forget to show that fax to Perry.
- Hold the elevator, please.
Thank you.
Hey, kid.
Point me in the direction of Perry White.
He might be in his office.
- Do you have an appointment? - AI Capone don't need no appointment.
Oh, no, no, no.
We can't have you smoking this nasty little thing in here.
Do you have any idea the effect this cigar will have on my hydrangeas? Do you have any idea the effect this fist will have on your face? Perry White? Al Capone.
Oh, great shakes of Elvis, they're coming out of the woodwork now.
- Who's Elvis? - Who's Elvis? I don't know what kind of charade you're pulling here Hey, is that any way to talk to a guy who just came by to do you a favor? The coupe, out back.
Washed and waxed.
Sorry about Clyde, he was still making payments when they got him.
Oh, and by the way I found this under the front seat.
I think it belongs to you.
What is this? Come on, Mr.
You're an editor, I'm a businessman.
Let's just say we both know how to run an organization.
And we both know that it's the grease that keeps the presses flowing.
You see, I could use someone like you to say the right things about me in the paper.
Look, I've just about had enough of Masterpiece Theatre for one day.
Why don't you take this dirty money and that phony scar and get out of my office.
Wouldn't you like to think about this for a couple of days? No, I thought about it.
The curtain's down, the show's over.
You know, Mr.
White, I really enjoy your paper.
I'd hate to see it shut down over union problems.
Chief, I can't believe you just did that.
What do you mean? All I did was throw out the garbage.
Yeah, but, I mean, that's Al Capone.
Come on, Jimmy.
That guy's nothing but a con artist.
Chief, I have a fax you might wanna see.
- Those raviolis smell great.
- Lois, it's for Bobby.
- He won't know.
- Oh, yeah, right.
Remember what happened last time you tried to pick cheese off his pizza? - He got all pouty, wouldn't tell us anything.
- Still don't know how he knew.
I was very careful not to disturb the pepperoni.
That's the office.
I'd better go call in.
- Bobby, how did you get back there? - Trade secret.
And how dare you eavesdrop on my conversation.
Can't help it.
I'm a professional snitch.
What'd you bring? A wide variety of culinary delights, as usual.
Do I detect an attitude here? Well, look, you know, I don't have to snitch for you anymore.
A reporter at the Star is gonna give me my own chef if I start working for them.
Hi, Clark.
That was Jimmy.
You're not gonna believe this.
Al Capone just paid Perry a visit.
How many of these characters are there? I don't know, but Capone tried to bribe him.
Apparently the mayor got the same offer.
What do you know about these people? Look, all I know is it's an experiment gone bad.
Hamilton really did it.
And this regenerated Capone character, not a big fan of the no-smoking laws.
- What else? - What else? What, for this? - You didn't bring me dessert.
Come on.
- Lois.
Way to go, girl.
You redeemed yourself.
Now talk.
Look, there's this guy he's got this illegal gaming club downtown on Hobb Street.
His name is Georgie Hairdo.
Capone's thugs have been leaning on him.
- What's Capone's interest in the club? - Oh, come on, come on.
He wants a piece of the action, just like the old days.
Anybody want this pickle? Look, something's going down at the club tonight.
That's all I know.
I gotta run.
Oh, and by the way next time, bring me something to drink, huh? And I don't mean none of that imported water.
Something American.
So, what do you think? I think this pickle's awful.
I think we should visit that club.
Pretty classy crowd for an illegal gambling club.
Isn't that Congressman Haines and his wife? The fat lady sings.
Nice to see how our taxes are being spent.
Let's go.
You think they're gonna just let us walk in there? Give me some credit, Clark.
I got enough smarts to get around some stupid bouncer.
- Yeah? - Hi, we have reservations.
We don't take reservations.
What's the password? Joe sent me.
The Eagle has landed? Swordfish.
- Swordfish? - Well I saw that Marx Brothers movie too, lady.
Nice try.
She's just kidding.
The fat lady sings.
I saw it in an old Untouchables episode.
Lois, we're here to work.
Just a few more nickels.
I just got it warmed up.
Four's a point.
Seven out.
New shooter coming out.
- Seven.
- Yes! Winner.
Hey, handsome.
How about some company? Sure.
So you come here often? I haven't been here in years.
Actually, I haven't been anywhere in years.
What can I get you to drink? Why don't you surprise me.
Could I get a white wine for the lady, and I'll have a club soda, please? So you seem a little wound up.
Why don't you loosen your tie and relax.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
No, I just get a little shy sometimes.
I don't like to show people my underwear.
Excuse me.
Could you watch these for me, please.
Excuse me, Mr.
Hairdo? - You talking to me? - Yes, aren't you Georgie Hairdo? - Do I look like a dead bald guy to you? - I beg your pardon? Georgie Hairdo.
He was found floating in the Hobbs River a couple hours ago.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Well, I'm not.
I owed him 20 large.
You got nice hands.
Thank you.
Do you live nearby? Now, that's a pretty forward question for a man who won't show me his underwear.
Hey, hey, back off, pretty boy.
The lady's taken.
- Knock it off, Clyde.
- You're supposed to be watching the door.
Look, it was nice meeting you, both of you.
I have to go and find someone.
Excuse me.
Clark, I just found out Georgie Hairdo is dead.
Bonnie and Clyde are both here.
We've gotta call the police.
You go.
I gotta find a gray-haired lady with a bucket of my nickels.
My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, for this little interruption.
I just dropped by to inform you that Georgie Hairdo has wisely decided to retire from the hospitality business.
So from this day forward, this joint is owned by Al Capone.
Hey, Al maybe we can make this little cutie our head hostess.
- I was always partial to a lady in red.
- Leave her alone.
Who are you, her big brother? Clark! No.
You moron.
What did you do that for? Now we gotta get out of here.
Joey, pick up the stiff.
I can't be linked to a murder.
Clark! Clark! Oh, come on in, Jimmy.
I'm I'm sorry to bother you, chief.
I don't know what This can't be happening.
You don't check out in your 20s.
Now, son I know it's hard to accept, son.
Clark was a Well, he was something special.
You know, I remember the first time he came in here looking for a job.
Full of that confidence you get when you don't know better.
White, the caterer's on the phone.
He wants to know when we're going to reschedule the party.
We're not rescheduling.
Party's on for tonight.
I don't think anybody's in the mood for a party.
Let me tell you something.
The Daily Planet's a lot more than just paper and ink.
Now, by honoring the Planet tonight, we honor Clark.
Everything he stood for.
Now, Jimmy I want you to run this down to the press room.
We still got a newspaper to get out.
Lois, you didn't have to come in today.
I couldn't stay home.
I just kept thinking about Clark lying there.
I feel like it's all my fault he was killed.
Oh, honey, you can't blame yourself.
You had no way of knowing what was gonna happen.
He died trying to protect me.
In one lousy second I lost my partner and my best friend.
He died without ever knowing.
I never told him.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm Detective Wolfe, Homicide.
I need your signature on the statement you gave last night.
You guys got any leads on these animals? Not yet, but we will.
Detective Wolfe, there's a call for you on line two.
Wolfe, yeah.
Has it been confirmed? Look, we have 14 possibles on Capone's whereabouts.
Okay, just add it to the list.
Listen we're gonna work on this day and night.
I'll keep you posted.
Honey, you wanna go grab some coffee, talk about this? Okay.
I didn't know what else to do.
I had to pretend I was dead, or everyone would know that I'm Superman.
And now everything that I've worked for my job, my friends, my life it's over.
White called while you were in the shower.
Did he say anything about Lois? Just that she was taking it really hard.
I guess that should make me feel a little better but it doesn't.
I wish I could be there for her.
Clark, you can.
As Superman.
Dad, Superman doesn't work at The Daily Planet.
He doesn't go to ball games with Jimmy and Perry.
He doesn't listen to Lois go off on some weird tangent and secretly love it.
But you'll still be able to see them.
Yeah, but not the way I want.
They all treat me so differently as Superman, especially Lois.
All we can say is, a lot of people you care about are still in danger and Metropolis needs Superman.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't even know where to start looking for them.
All I have to go on is a ticket stub that Dillinger dropped.
A ticket stub? Clark, don't you know that's how they caught him 60 years ago.
He was coming out of a theater.
Dillinger is a big movie buff.
Professor Hamilton? - Lois Lane, Daily Planet.
- The press? Are the police with you? No.
Is it true? Did you create Capone and the others? I'm afraid so.
I can't control them anymore.
- They've - Professor, why are you locked in here? It's Capone.
He's making me regenerate more of his gang.
- What's in the vat? - Baby Face Nelson.
Or, at least, it will be.
Lane, you must believe me.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
I wanted to benefit mankind.
Hollywood's created a dozen versions of Frankenstein and you still didn't get the point.
Come on, we gotta get you out of here.
Come on.
- Do you know where they are now? - They never tell me anything.
What's the matter with this town? The Boy Scouts take it over? I offer 100 grand, and nobody's interested in selling out.
I remember when you could've bought three congressmen and a judge for half of that.
I guess they call them the good old days for a reason.
Well, I'm through playing nicey-nice with these people.
If I can't buy them then I'm gonna eliminate them.
I see here they're having a little get-together at the Planet tonight.
Anybody worth owning is gonna be there.
You still think it's bad manners to crash the party? Not if you bring a gift.
You figure three slugs apiece ought to be enough? Well, well, well.
The little lady in red from the casino.
You know I locked the professor up in the lab for a reason, toots.
The morals of this country have absolutely gone to pot.
What the? When did people start to fly? Not long before they started coming back from the dead.
- Enjoy the movie? - How'd you find me? Same way the FBI found you 60 years ago coming out of the Biograph Theater.
I guess old habits die hard, huh? Where's Capone and the rest of the thugs? I don't rat.
Really? One more time.
Where's Capone? Hey, who you kidding.
I know you good guys don't hurt nobody.
That was before you killed Clark Kent.
He was a very good friend of mine.
I didn't know you two guys were so close.
As close as two people can get.
- Now, where's Capone? - I I don't remember.
Well, maybe it'll come to you on the way down.
Do you remember now? I have been known to miss on occasion.
Capone? Al? May I call you Al? I think you're making a mistake, sir.
I mean, without me, who are you gonna get to bring back more of your friends? Luckily, professor, you wrote everything down.
I think I can find an egghead a lot easier to work with than you.
Capone, I could help you get to Perry White.
We're very close.
I'm his top reporter.
What's that? - What's that noise? - It's my beeper.
Someone's trying to contact me.
Can I use your phone? This dame is one for the bugs.
Annoying little thing.
- All right, start her up.
- Listen, Capone.
Perry respects me.
He trusts me.
I could get him to work for you.
Doesn't this broad ever stop yammering? No.
No! Wait! You can't just leave us here.
Help! Help, help! Somebody help us! Superman.
I guess you heard about C.
Being murdered.
Yes, I did.
In fact, I have some news about that for Lois.
- Do you know where she is? - No, she left.
She seemed pretty upset.
I've been trying to reach her, but she hasn't answered her page.
Do me a favor.
Page her again and keep paging her.
You got it.
Instead of playing with DNA, you should've found a cure for allergies.
- Are you all right? - Just a little stiff.
I'd take you home, but there's something I have to do first.
Superman, wait.
I can't believe this is happening.
First, they take Clark away from me.
Now if Capone and his gang have his way, I'll never see Perry or Jimmy again.
I can't tell you how sorry I am about your partner.
Clark? Clark? Clark! You're alive.
I can't believe it.
How is this possible? Superman found me after they dumped my body.
He froze me with his super breath to preserve my tissue.
Then he took me to Dr.
Hamilton's lab and followed the procedures in his manuscript.
Of course.
Freezing the tissue means no permanent damage.
- So it's as if I never died.
- Exactly.
Oh, Clark, I don't care if he used Krazy Glue, you're back.
Oh, Mr.
Kent, I can't tell you how glad I am you're alive.
I mean, thank God my work has finally come to some good.
Oh, Clark, the Planet, we've gotta warn them.
Capone and his gang, they're gonna kill everybody at the party tonight.
You two go.
There's something I have to do.
- Go ahead.
I'll meet you there.
- Don't even think about it.
I'm not letting you out of my sight.
Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen if I could have your attention, please.
It's too quiet in here.
You know what this place needs? - What? - Fireworks.
A man who was an inspiration to all of us and who was one of the best damn reporters ever to have a byline on this newspaper.
To Clark Kent.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
My name is Al Capone.
Now, we'd appreciate it if you would all line up.
What are you doing? This party is bad enough without you.
Get out.
Or perhaps you would like to stay for some hors d'oeuvres? You're the one who killed C.
Hey, everybody, this is the guy who killed Clark.
Shut up.
Call the police.
I'll meet you upstairs.
Capone, this is not 1940.
The police are probably already downstairs in the lobby.
Don't make things worse for yourself.
The only person things are gonna get worse for is you, chief.
Capone, no! You again.
Looking for these? Grab them.
Grab them.
That's for C.
That's for crashing a Jacques party.
Hey, not so fast.
Hey, that ain't very ladylike.
Yeah, well, I'm a woman of the '90s, and you're not much of a lady.
This is for pulling the lever on the cement mixer.
Hey, what's going on here? Alcatraz is closed, Capone.
But I'm sure they'll find something nice for you.
All right, come on.
You have the right to remain silent.
If you give up that right, anything you say may be Have you guys seen Clark? Now, Lois, you've been through a horrible ordeal.
We all have.
But Clark is gone, honey.
- I don't know about that, chief.
- What? I gotta start jogging again.
! - How? I mean, what? - It's a long story, chief.
Wow, that's an incredible story.
Jimmy, come on, son, I'll drive you home.
- I'll see you tomorrow, C.
- Yeah, tomorrow.
Kent, Ms.
Professor Hamilton, what happened? I burned up my lab.
I destroyed all my research.
I realized that playing around with life and death those are things best left to nature.
Professor Hamilton if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions.
- Actually, a lot of questions.
- As long as it's not about DNA.
You're not pressing charges against him? For an error in judgment? I don't think so.
I have to get back downtown.
Seems Dillinger's already got a lawyer and he's willing to testify against Capone.
By the way, you're my first homicide case that ever solved itself.
So I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
You want a lift home? Yeah, sure.
You know, being dead really takes it out of you.
Clark, when I thought you were gone I did some thinking about my life.
You know, what it would be like without you in it.
I know what you're thinking: "Gee, Lois, how self-centered can you be?" But just hear me out.
I know our relationship has always been difficult to define.
But when I thought about how much I missed you how much I was going to miss you for the rest of my life well, I started to think maybe there's more to our relationship than just friendship.
Or maybe not.