Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s02e14 Episode Script

Top Copy

Very nice work.
Thanks.
How long till the flames engulf this floor? Oh, six, maybe seven minutes.
How do I look? Fabulous, of course.
Seen him yet? That fax from lberia should be here in a few minutes and we can finally get out of here.
Okay, your move.
I know.
It's been my move for a while.
- What do you mean? I just - I mean the date thing.
So about the date thing.
Yes? Well, I know I've been kind of avoiding the subject lately.
Yes.
I finally decided that I think we should just - Attention all units.
go ahead and do it.
I mean, I know there's a lot to lose, but it's just a date, right? - And we're both adults, right? - Respond immediately.
Clark? Lois, please.
Hold that thought, okay? Hold that thought? Yeah, I'm sorry.
Just that I have to return this video.
It's really important.
I'll be right back.
It's me, right? I do this to them.
I make them insane.
No.
No, it's them.
They're already insane.
I just seem to find it.
Because I'm too smart.
Smart and alone.
And talking to a piece of plastic.
Seen our man yet? Heading right this way.
All right, your good-luck charm? Yes.
Never take a chance without it.
Well, I'm sure you'll be all right up here.
As long as your plan works, and I know it will.
Okay.
Showtime.
Hold on.
It's okay, I've got you.
Yes.
Oh, yes, you do.
- You're sure you tagged him? - On the neck.
- Are you getting a reading? - Not yet.
Here.
Adjust the calibrations to a higher frequency.
It's all right.
The fire's out.
Superman, thank you so much.
I'm Diana Stride.
Yes, Miss Stride, I've seen your news show.
Really? You watch TV? Once in a while.
- This is my cameraman, Rolf.
- Pleasure.
What exactly were you two doing up here anyway? We came to get some vista shots for a piece Diana's doing on urban renewal.
And then just stumbled into an exclusive.
I can't imagine how this fire got started.
Can you, Rolf? I simply can't.
I checked the elevators.
They're still working.
Once the smoke clears, you should be able to get down just fine.
Superman, if there's ever anything I can do for you, I Take care, Miss Stride.
Nice to meet you, Rolf.
And you.
So good.
So decent.
Don't you just want to vomit? Nice quads, though.
It's working.
We can track him now.
Wait, what's wrong? He's so fast he just flew right out of range.
Well, we'll get him in range again.
And then it's only a matter of time before we have the story of the century.
Let's face it, our show has always been uplifting and intellectually challenging.
And that's why our ratings suck.
So I've decided.
People want dirt, we'll give them the dirtiest.
Starting with our beloved hero, Superman.
Everything the public is dying to know.
What are his weaknesses? Who are the women in his life? - I, for one, would love to meet those girls.
- But most importantly who is he when he's out of uniform? Does he have another life? Perhaps a secret identity? And if he does, we'll find it and expose it on worldwide television.
Oh, it'll be sensational.
And it'll be Story of the century.
Key member of Innergang's just been arrested.
He's made a deal.
- He's gonna testify.
- Who is it? We don't know.
DA's calling him Mr.
X.
The word is, Intergang's been killing world leaders for decades, making it look like accidents.
This Mr.
X is gonna finger their key assassin.
Now, I want the full story on this guy.
So by the time he takes the stand, the Planet has the headlines: Who he is, where he comes from, what he's gonna say.
- Got it? - Got it.
Okay, good.
Go get him.
Are those new specs, C.
K.
? - Yeah.
- Try them on? No.
I have a really strong prescription.
I wouldn't wanna hurt your eyes.
All right.
I'll see you later.
Lois, about last night.
It's okay.
We can finish the chess game some other time.
I'm not talking about the chess game.
I'm talking about us.
You were trying to say something and I - I - Had a sudden urge to return a tape.
It's perfectly understandable.
I needed to express a deep feeling you needed to save $3.
Lois.
You know, I really hope some day that you learn that sometimes what it seems like people are doing isn't what they're really doing.
What are you, a fortune cookie? If you had some other reason for leaving last night, say it.
I guess I don't.
Then I guess that's it.
Let's get to work.
Man, you're looking at two very tense people.
Norcross and Judd.
Sorry? Billy Norcross and Serena Judd.
Reporters before your time.
Almost as good as those two.
In fact they were an inch away from getting the Pulitzer when they - Got involved.
- Yep.
- And it didn't work out? - It was such a disaster they should have filed for federal aid.
Judd ended up teaching yoga to oil riggers in Anchorage.
Billy Norcross drained every bottle in the tristate area, found God and opened his own cable TV ministry.
Yeah.
All because they were partners.
Best of friends.
Fell in love.
- Superman is definitely in the building.
- Yes.
Be still my beating heart.
The camera ready? Now, Superman might be disguised as anyone so whoever the tracker says we tagged, just get it on tape.
Is that who I think it is? I got him.
I've got him.
He's right Here.
You didn't hear about my story, did you? I'm afraid so.
Well, there goes my surprise.
Everyone, I'm Diana Stride and Top Copy is doing a tribute to Superman.
We know he has a lot of great friends at the Planet and I'd like to interview all of you.
I had hoped it would be a surprise for him, but Well, there's no keeping secrets from the Man of Steel.
So let's get started, shall we? Who wants to talk about Superman? - I do.
- Same here.
And, Superman, I can count on an interview from you soon? Careful.
Whatever that thing is in your hand there, it shorted out.
Maybe I'd better take it before you get burned.
Or maybe he works there as somebody else.
Your secret-identity theory, eh? Is the bulb, no? I'll get that.
You just go on home.
But we Hello, Diana.
You're looking very well.
Cut the flattery.
I'm retired.
Hiatus, Diana.
You don't retire when you work for Intergang.
Whatever it is, I'm not interested.
Well, I think you will be.
Nice hood.
Couture? He's one of ours turning state's.
The DA 's calling him Mr.
X but you know him as Michael DeSanto, your former partner.
In a week, he's going to tell the grand jury everything he knows.
How we plucked you out of nowhere made you a world-famous journalist so you could meet the rich the powerful, and kill them for us.
All right.
Where is he? That's my girl.
Lois, I'm just not very comfortable with this.
Why? Mayson works for the DA's office and she's a friend.
She might be able to tell us about Mr.
X.
I don't see the problem.
No, you don't.
Just because she's in love with you.
You think that bothers me? Help me make it through the night.
Sorry, guys, I can't get on this one.
We're not gonna be irresponsible with the information.
We'd hold it till he testified.
This isn't about trust.
I have orders, and these orders come from way up.
We've heard the rumors about the assassin that Mr.
X is supposed to identify.
Isn't there something that you could give us? Well, all right.
I shouldn't even be saying this.
Apparently the assassin is famous.
Very famous.
And if I say another word, I'll be looking for a new career.
I appreciate this very much, Mayson.
Thank you.
- Lois? - Yes? We should get going.
We should.
Thanks, Mayson.
Bye.
I'll call you.
I'd like to talk.
We kind of left things up in the air between us.
I know.
I apologize.
I will call.
I can't believe you stole her beeper.
See, that's where you're wrong.
I hesitated because I thought it was stealing.
Then I realized I could get the information and mail it back to her anonymously morally remaining on very solid ground.
You gotta admit it was smart to get the phone numbers and trace them back to their addresses.
- Yeah.
Brilliant.
We now know where Mayson's maid lives, her secretary, two lawyers, a judge And Mr.
X.
I think we just found the government safe house.
I don't see any Mr.
X.
I bet I wouldn't if I was looking through those.
We've gotta get closer.
Lois, it's not like he's being guarded by the Three Stooges.
No, he's not.
Put your hands down, kid.
All right, keep moving.
- I'm too young and boyish to go to jail.
- Quiet.
Get down.
Get down! I'll take him to the hospital.
Meet me there.
- Clark? - Where's C.
K.
? One slug is still dangerously close to his heart.
I can't operate until he stabilizes.
This witness needs to be protected.
Can he be moved? Only if you wanna do the assassin's job for him.
- Superman! - Superman! I'd like to make a statement.
An attempt was made on the life of a state's witness.
To anyone out there thinking of making a second attempt don't.
- Don't.
I am now personally protecting this witness.
And if anything should happen to him, I will hunt his killers relentlessly.
Thank you.
Did you watch the news? It's not like you to bungle anything, Diana.
Now you've turned Superman into a bodyguard? My, my.
There's a rumor about a substance that can kill him.
Chunk of meteor that Lex Luthor got ahold of.
Can you get some? - Are you telling me - I'll kill Superman for free.
Just get me the rock.
And then get me in touch with the science division.
- And you found this? - Right after you disappeared.
What happened to you, anyway? I thought I saw the assassin.
You went after a professional killer by yourself? Clark.
Come on, Lois.
It wasn't that danger Well, no.
I guess you're right.
I guess I could've been killed and then we never would've settled things.
Maybe this is fate giving us a second chance.
Nice.
You rehearse that one? Lmprovised on the spot.
A for effort.
F for fat chance.
Anyway, I lost him.
Well, I've got a real feeling it's not a him.
It's a her.
I think it's Diana Stride.
All because of this.
You get this tone in your voice when you're humoring me.
You think I don't hear it, but I do.
Sorry.
So, what have you got? She was in the Army, then she pops up in a TV station in Omaha.
Starts a very fast rise to legendary anchorwoman.
And? What do these men have in common? - They're famous.
- Powerful.
Dead? And they were all interviewed by Diana.
Lois, what am I doing right now? Grasping.
- Stretching? - Come Come on.
- Reaching.
- And I am not the only one.
Can I talk to you guys? Look.
I already told the police everything.
Well, now you're going to tell me.
How did you find him? I don't think I like your tone.
I don't like my witness on life support.
You can't force a reporter to reveal sources.
True.
But I tell you what I can do.
I can convene a grand jury, put you on the stand and if you refuse to answer, toss you in jail.
Both of you.
Mayson, hold on.
We're all on the same side here.
We all wanna bring down Intergang.
Then tell me how you found my witness and anything you know about the assassin.
I'll give you 24 hours.
If I don't get an answer by then l'm gonna hit you both so hard, you'll think it was raining hammers.
Well, she's watched a little too much Perry Mason.
Maybe we haven't watched enough.
What does that mean? It means maybe we stepped over the line.
We didn't, I did.
Is that what you mean? Lois, whatever one of us does, the other person takes responsibility for.
That's what being partners is all about.
Okay.
Well, we have a little time.
If we ID who's trying to kill her witness, maybe that'll get her off our backs.
Speak of the devil.
- You're too much.
- I got an idea.
You simply got to tell that story on film, Perry.
I'd like to, Diana, but I'm a little on the shy side.
Yeah.
Compared to what? Sir.
Now, I won't take no for an answer.
And you, you're just delicious.
Oh, thank you, l Oh, Diana.
Now, this is the fella I was telling you about.
Clark Kent.
Now, he's real tight with Superman.
So Well, I'll leave you in good hands.
I can't believe I haven't met you before.
But then I've read everything you've ever written.
Really? I didn't know that TV people had time to read newspapers.
Lois Lane.
This is a real honor.
I understand there's no one in the world closer to Superman.
I was hoping that we could spend some time together.
That's a really nice necklace, Lois.
Oh, thanks, Clark.
It's not mine.
I found it.
It's not yours, is it? Why, no.
You sure? It's just that l I thought I saw you wearing one like it the other day.
I thought, how appropriate, you know, Diana, the huntress from Greek mythology who stalks her prey by moonlight.
It's really not yours? Really not.
Oh, well, my mistake.
Gosh, I just hope that whoever lost this little charm finds it because they're probably in for some bad luck.
Wait, wait.
Here, Dad.
Let me give you a hand with that.
Oh, thanks.
- Where do you guys want it? - Right over here, honey.
And be careful.
This stuff is very sensitive.
- No problem, Mom.
- Here.
You know, Lois, she's on to something.
Diana Stride is not what she seems.
Oh, too bad.
You know, your father always had kind of a little crush on her.
Oh, no.
That's not true, Martha.
- I just always thought she was very - Sizzling? Vivacious? Trustworthy.
Well, I'm not so sure about that, Dad.
She's trying to find out that Superman is me and tell the world.
I'm not so sure I can stop her.
Yes.
But if you and Lois can prove your theory that she's some kind of assassin Well, it's all just pieces right now, Mom.
We don't even have enough to tell Perry.
Diana is closing in on me.
It's funny.
I've never felt like this before.
Felt like what? Like I'm being stalked.
Mom, is that a laser? - I thought you said this was an art project? - It is.
My professor says this is the sculpture of the future.
Light.
What our lab people know about this kryptonite is still very sketchy but they've ground it down to a paste as you requested.
Good.
And the device I sent you? It should be modified by tomorrow.
Clark? This is Diana Stride.
Could you contact Superman for me? I'd really like to spend some time with him.
Tonight.
One-on-one.
You got it.
Hello.
Diana will be here in just a moment.
In the meantime, can I get you some wine? It's not bad merlot.
No, thank you, Rolf.
You know, as long as I have you here there is something I have always wanted to ask you.
When I wear my very tightest ski pants I always get a bit chafed.
Do you find this happens to you? No.
But it helps to be invulnerable.
Rolf, I'd like to be alone with Superman.
Miss Stride.
Diana.
I know your story isn't a tribute.
It's an attempt to expose me.
Expose you? Do you have something to hide? We all have something to hide, Miss Stride.
Some of us for the good of others.
And some of us for their own gain.
I'm here to tell you, Miss Stride drop the story.
Superman, I I can't.
You see, if I drop the story l'm going to lose my show.
And that's all I have.
When you want so much from life and then you get even more than you ever expected the thought of having it all taken away can make you do things.
Things that you never even thought you were capable of.
Don't Don't Don't cry.
That's why I did this.
Or maybe it's just because I'm no damn good.
There's good in everyone.
Not everyone.
Oh, Superman, not on the first date.
You don't want me as an enemy, Miss Stride.
But I've got you.
Yes.
I've got you Under your skin The kryptonite is in his bloodstream.
He should die a slow and painful death within a day or so.
Diana, you are the very best.
Thank the lab boys for modifying this so fast.
You better hurry and get that story on Superman.
Doesn't sound like he'll be around much longer.
I'll get my story and DeSanto.
So we have a new way to track Mr.
Steely-Pants? I made him swallow a radioactive substance.
I'll just bet you did.
And this time when we get close he may be a little too distracted to notice us.
What's your take on it? Seem to be getting along.
Very professional.
Doing their job.
- No muss.
No fuss.
- Exactly.
Norcross and Judd all over again.
So you really think it's that bad? Jimmy they're a truckload of nitro, they're speeding down a mountain.
Their brakes are out, and they don't even know it.
So we've hit a big wall on the Diana front.
What next? Hey, you look a little pale.
You feeling okay? I'm fine.
Just have a headache.
Mayson Drake just called.
She says you have exactly one hour to answer her question or else.
So how do we play this? Your call.
You're my partner.
Whatever you decide l'll back you up.
I have to tie my shoe.
Lois, do you have any aspirin? Oh, yeah.
I think I have some.
Damn it, Olsen, keep that window closed.
He's left the building.
Diana.
There you are.
I'm all set for our little tête-à-tête.
Of course, Perry.
Let's do it in your office.
- Hello? - Mom? Clark? What's wrong? You sound awful.
I need you and Dad to come to Metropolis right away.
- What's the matter? - He sounds sick.
Clark, are you sick? He doesn't get sick.
Unless it's Clark, is it? Kryptonite.
Oh, no.
I recognized the symptoms right away.
I suddenly got so weak, I couldn't even fly home.
Well, can't you get away from it? It's inside me.
But I have this other problem.
I need you guys to get here as soon as you can.
And, Mom bring that laser sculpture.
The hologram? What for? - So you wanna go ahead with the schedule? - Yeah.
Hi.
Thanks for coming.
No problem.
I was just down the street deposing a witness.
I did something that I shouldn't have.
- You stole it.
- Yeah.
It's not the first time I've bent the law for a story but I did feel bad because after I finished rationalizing it I realized that a big part of why I did it is because I don't like you.
Really? Oh, God, that is such a relief.
I don't like you either.
- Really? - Really.
That makes me feel so much better.
I couldn't stand the idea that I was jealous because of Clark.
It's so Petty.
I know.
- I mean, it feels so much better to just - To just dislike you because you're you.
We need to have sound too.
Just me talking.
Can you do that with a hologram? Great.
I'll be here at the apartment.
No.
Clark, you get yourself to a hospital.
Dad, what are they gonna do? They can't operate, I'd break the scalpels.
There's gotta be something they can do.
I guess you're right.
But I'd better go as Superman.
No, Superman doesn't have insurance.
But I'm sure we'll work something out.
I love you too.
Get down.
Get down.
Oh, my God.
Clark Kent is Superman and we've got it on tape.
Oops.
Oops? Did you say, "Oops"? My My battery pack is dead.
The camera won't work.
I must go to get a fresh battery pack.
You go get it.
Superman, what are you doing here? - Are you all right? - I gotta get to a hospital.
911 emergency.
- Watch the stairs.
- Hurry, please.
He's dying.
There you go.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Idiot.
I deserve that.
You can do it again if you like.
We've got plenty of time for that later.
Well, well.
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr.
DeMille.
I want this spliced into the interviews with Superman's friends.
Get on the phone with the network.
We broadcast tonight.
And I've got to get going.
- Where? - Doctor's appointment.
Well, I'm not gonna lie to you.
I don't know what to do.
This kryptonite you've told me about has invaded your system and it's spreading.
Almost like a cancer.
If it were cancer? Then we'd try and kill it with chemo or - Superman, did you hear that? - I heard.
- So we could try and burn it out or heat it or radiation.
We have the facilities here.
No.
We'd need some place bigger.
Yes, and it really wasn't supposed to be, but I'm checking.
I got the gurney here you ordered.
- You are? - Travis.
It's right here, ma'am.
You're early, Officer Travis.
Just wanted some coffee.
Thanks.
Wait, you're telling me that Diana Stride is an assassin? I know it's hard to believe.
Wait! Mayson! No, it's gas! Hello, Michael.
Goodbye, Michael.
You're in way over your head, Lois.
I only have one thing to say to you, honey.
Keep your lips off Superman.
Wrong reporter.
I'm so glad you're all right.
She didn't hurt you? No.
No, I might be a little achy in the morning, but Diana made a clean getaway.
We can't find her.
Maybe you could, I don't know, help with the search? I'd be glad to, Ms.
Drake.
And, Lois, I just have to say thanks.
I owe you an awful lot.
Keep this up and we may have to like each other.
Oh, no.
Anything but that.
Tonight on Top Copy Diana Stride with an exclusive on the secrets of Superman.
Does the Man of Steel have a secret life? Find out.
Tonight, only on Top Copy.
Boy, people will do anything for ratings.
Excuse me.
And here in this apartment we find the final piece to the puzzle which tells us that Superman is in fact Clark Kent.
- What? - I don't believe it.
Me neither.
I mean, they always kind of looked alike, though.
Jimmy some people say I look like Richard Nixon but I ain't ever been to the White House.
Lois, you buying this? I I Hi.
Clark, what is going on here? I decided the easiest way to settle all this would be a press conference.
- Mr.
Kent, over here.
- We have a question and answer period.
My name is Clark Kent.
I'm sure you all saw the story on television tonight and I'd just like to say Clark I don't mean to interrupt but it'd probably be a lot easier if I explained everything.
Diana Stride is now a wanted fugitive.
Jonathan there's a blip in the hologram.
Her contention that I am Clark Kent is an attempt to deflect the fact that she has long been using her celebrity as a cover.
So that she may operate freely as an assassin for Intergang.
Oh, boy.
What am I doing playing with lasers on a farm? You're helping our son.
Now, get your telemetry straight.
Clark Kent is a friend of mine.
My uniforms were hanging in his closet because he was kind enough to clean them for me.
I don't have a washing machine.
I don't have a place to hang my spare capes.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got someone to pick up.
Well any questions? I don't understand why we have to leave the country.
- Diana, what's going on? - Stop whining.
The police will be glad to answer that.
Am I in trouble? Are you going to? To punish me? No, Rolf.
Superman.
Can't we work something out here? I don't think so.
Then what about a goodbye kiss? Diana, you ought to come with a Surgeon General's warning.
Who says I don't, Clark? Oh, I'm afraid I have some bad news on that front too.
I don't care what that says.
We know what we saw.
I tried to tell you you don't want me for an enemy, Diana.
Come on.
Working late? Big news night.
Where you been? Superman caught Diana.
I got us the exclusive.
You're some partner.
Is that all I am, Lois? I don't know.
I know how I feel and I know what I think and those are two very different things.
Can I make a suggestion? Please.
Let's finish what we started.
The chess game.
Then we can take it from there.
You two going back to work? No.
We're going back to play.
I like your new glasses.
Oh, thanks.
Did you ever think of getting contacts? No.
Jimmy I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Must be that chilidog you ate, chief because I think they're kind of cute.
Youth.