Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s02e16 Episode Script

Lucky Leon

All right.
If you'll just sign this right here where it says "Raul Borges.
" You know, I'm sorry I was so late.
I guess you know how it is working two jobs, right? Always later than you thought on first one so you have to scramble on the second one.
I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't need the money.
But you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Is there something else? No.
No, I guess not.
I'll see you.
When can I expect delivery? One p.
? No, that's fine.
Listen, I've decided to take Route 128 to 15.
No, don't worry.
I stand to make a lot of money on this delivery.
No, no one's going to know.
Except for us.
And now we have all we need to know.
All right then.
- What was that? - A short.
Adios yourself, Mr.
I think what we should do is pick a date and just do it.
Okay, fine.
How about Thursday? Thursday's no good.
I have my National Organization of Women Journalists meeting.
How about Wednesday? Perry wants us to cover that Society for Microentomologists Convention.
The bug people.
Remember? Mercifully, I forgot.
How about tonight? I have my brown belt exam for tae kwon do.
Am I sensing a problem? No.
Nothing Jimmy Carter couldn't negotiate.
Good, because I wanted to tell you Lois.
You two better be gone by the time I get out there.
Perry is looking for you.
Now, who ate my last cinnamon doughnut? I think it was Carl in Travel.
Oh, how convenient.
Carl just left for Bolivia.
James Bartholomew Olsen? Yeah? You're under arrest for murder.
What? At 11:25, Jimmy was let into the house to deliver a Desk Friend to Mr.
Fifteen minutes later, the housekeeper found Borges dead.
Jimmy was the last one to see him alive.
That's not proof of anything.
This morning, bail was set at 150,000.
Jimmy doesn't have that money, even if he only needs 10 percent to make bail.
- Chief? - Lois, just hold your horses.
I'm already across that stream.
I sent a personal check down by messenger to Scooter Haynes.
The bail bondsman? Well, he prefers to be called a freedom facilitator.
He'll have Jimmy out of there before you can say false arrest.
I don't mean to be rude, but I've gotta run.
I've got another case that I'm working on.
Just let Jimmy know he's still a suspect.
Clark, I was wondering if you're free tonight.
I have some tickets to a play.
Well, that's Such an unfortunate case of bad timing.
Clark's busy tonight.
He and I have plans.
Maybe some other time then.
Plans? We have plans? Clark.
I didn't wanna say anything in front of Mayson but how long has Jimmy been working two jobs? Just the last couple of weeks, chief.
He's trying to make some extra money to buy furniture.
I promise you, we will work nonstop until Jimmy's name is cleared 100 percent.
I got 15,000 bucks on the line.
Well, not that I'm worried about the money, I'm worried about the kid.
I mean, that boy has kind of become like a son to me.
But, well, don't tell him I said that.
Why wouldn't the chief want us to tell Jimmy that he said that? It's one of those father-son things.
- Oh, really? - Sure.
It's classic.
Men are uncomfortable expressing their emotions directly.
Just like the father-daughter thing only when you do finally talk, you use more sports metaphors.
- That is ridiculous.
- Clark.
If Jimmy calls, tell him I know it feels like the bottom of the ninth with two outs and two strikes but the Planet is gonna mount a full-court press and we won't stop until it's game, set, match, Olsen.
I rest my case.
So the first thing we should do is dig up everything we can on Borges.
I hate to say this, but unfortunately, we're gonna have to postpone our date.
- Hey, don't do that on my account.
- Jimmy! - How you doing? - Fine, guys.
I just came back to pick up my car so I can go home and change.
Guys, listen.
I don't want you canceling your date because of this little murder thing, all right? I don't want that hanging on my head.
Okay, looks like the ball's in your court.
Unless, of course, you're gonna punt.
Help! I can't stop it! Help! I can't stop! Help! Lois, you want a cafe mocha? Good.
I'll be right back.
Help! Help! Help! Superman.
Superman, I can't stop.
Well, did you ever think of trying this? See? Simple.
Is your desk a mess? Are you unable to find what you want? Do things pile up and get lost? Well, then Desk Friend is the answer for you.
It's a revolutionary way to organize your desk and make your life easier.
With AM/FM radio, pencil sharpener, stapler, clock, lamp, scissors and Desk Friend coffee.
But wait.
With each new Desk Friend you order, I will throw in, absolutely free Bath Friend.
One hundred percent waterproof, Bath Friend has built-in radio cellular phone, water-temperature gauge, shampoo and conditioner dispensers fog-free mirror and more.
So Desk Friend, Bath Friend, yours for only $59.
And only at Lucky Leon's, your low-price friend.
Order now and receive, as a bonus, a waterproof Bath Friend swimsuit calendar.
Here you go, cafe mocha.
And I'm sure she's really unfamiliar with the word "silicone.
" I'm not I'm talking about the guy who thinks of these things.
That Lucky Leon.
I mean, they're actually pretty clever.
Well, when he invents a Research Friend, let me know.
Nothing? Eighth hole, 373 yards, little dogleg to the left.
Trees left and right.
There's a slight breeze at your back.
Come in.
You're into the woods.
Next time, try not to roll your shoulders so much.
Did they have relaxed fit and boot cut? - Half a dozen each.
- Excellent.
- How long did you have to stand in line? - Four minutes.
Man, oh, man.
I love the U.
What about our little friend, Jimmy? Superman got to him before he could crash.
- Slice.
- Too bad.
Anguished over his feelings of guilt it would have been very tidy of him to commit suicide.
I agree.
Maybe it's time to send Lois Lane a message.
- I've already sent it.
It's on her e-mail.
- Good.
Now, try once again.
No, Leon.
Fore! Leon, you are now six strokes behind.
Maybe I should get a more friendly voice for this thing.
"Lucky Leon secret shipment.
" That's weird.
There's no sender's address on the e-mail.
If you were trying to remain anonymous would you tell somebody where you lived? All right.
This tip about Lucky Leon is either a wild-goose chase Or it's the real McCoy.
I vote goose chase.
Fifty bucks says we'll never make it to that date tonight.
Something'll come up.
Like candy from a baby.
You guys are not gonna believe what just happened.
Just the guy we were looking for.
How long to talk to Gregor in shipping? - Ten, 15 minutes.
- Fine.
Just remember to be discreet.
If Lucky Leon was involved in Borges' death, someone here may have helped.
It's not a problem.
Gregor's my man.
It'll be a slam dunk.
That's basketball, right? Come on, Lois.
We're sorry, there was no secretary outside.
Please, please.
Come in, come in.
Hello, I'm Lois Lane, and this is Clark Kent.
We're from The Daily Planet.
Yes, I recognize the names.
Would you like an orange? Only 69 cents a pound.
Take as many as you want.
When I was boy in Ukraine, I saw them only on holidays and then I had to share with sister.
Could we ask you some questions about one of your customers, Raul Borges? Would you like a banana? Can you believe I was 25 years old when I tasted my first one.
Now I'm an addict.
- Mr.
Leon - Please, please.
Sit down, sit down.
I apologize.
But this is truly the land of plenty.
Five years ago, I started with one rundown factory.
Now I have a state-of-the-art, fully computerized manufacturing facility ten times as large.
But, Mr.
Borges, I do not know him.
Fortunately, we have a lot of customers.
Well, this one is dead.
Police think he may have been murdered by an employee of yours, Jimmy Olsen.
- Have they caught him? - Yes, but he's out on bail now.
That is what I love about this country.
Innocent till proven guilty.
Back where I come from it's shoot first then search for evidence later.
We were wondering if Mr.
Borges recently ordered a large shipment of Desk Friend products.
Quite frankly, I do not know, but I can check for you.
Wait here just a minute, okay? Oh, and try the kiwi fruit.
You see how guilty he looked when we came in? - Lois.
- The e-mail said "secret shipment.
" Look at this.
I bet this is it.
This is when it's gonna arrive.
- It could be coke or heroin.
- Or pencil sharpeners.
He put it in his pocket so we couldn't see it.
- Lois, that doesn't mean anything.
- Ms.
I see that neither you nor Mr.
Kent have ever ordered any one of my products.
That's true, but I've been meaning to.
This Golf Friend, is this new? Yes.
It's my latest.
Go ahead, take a swing.
I know it seems incredibly tacky, but it works.
You design these all yourself? Every last one of them.
I love it.
But as for your Mr.
Borges he ordered one Desk Friend for $49.
95 eight days ago.
Not the top of the line, but our best seller.
And he hasn't bought from us before.
Who let Greg Norman in here? - You can keep this.
- Excellent shot.
Thank you.
I appreciate your time very much.
Thank you.
Not a problem.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to call, okay? - We will.
- Okay, bye-bye.
So predictable.
Progress report.
Lane and Kent just left.
So far, they've done just as I've predicted.
- It's all going to work out.
Trust me.
- We trust no one.
You want me to pull the plug? Not a problem.
Then you won't get the shipment and you can forget about holding the world hostage.
No one backs out of a Intergang deal.
Then leave me alone.
Got it? We don't even have details on how you're going to do it.
I'm going to get Lois Lane to trick Superman into stealing the shipment for us.
All right.
I played a hunch, and I was wrong.
There were no smugglers on Route 128 today.
I'm sorry.
Lois, playing a hunch for an hour is one thing, but for four hours? And that endless driving back and forth and back and forth.
- And that salsa music.
- It was the only station we could get, okay? Jimmy, come here.
Where have you been? I've been calling you all day.
For a minute there, I thought you had gone out of state.
To check out Graceland or something.
Don't worry, chief.
Your $ 15,000 is safe.
I'm not worried about the money, and you shouldn't worry either.
I've already spoken to the head legal counsel and the Planet is gonna pick up all your legal bills should you have any.
Which I'm sure you won't.
But why don't we go in my office, we'll give this guy a jingle and you two can get acquainted.
Sound good? - Sounds good.
- All right.
Come on.
I'd give anything to know what they're saying.
It's been half an hour since that lawyer left.
No, no, no.
He was the King.
"No, no, no.
He was the King.
" - So the cape with the white jumpsuit - "So the cape with the white jumpsuit" was a royal outfit.
- "was a royal outfit.
" - Get out.
- I'm serious.
You can read lips from here? I thought I was good.
What else can you do that I don't know about? I can order dinner in 347 languages.
See, that's the problem right there.
Did I just miss a turn someplace? Men cannot be direct with their feelings.
Perry is worried about Jimmy but he's talking about Elvis and you were trying to tell me you remember our date tonight but instead you joke about ordering dinner.
Why can't you just say what you feel? Unless you have something to hide.
I guess people sometimes say things because they're afraid of being direct.
Why? What's the worst that could happen? I don't know.
The other person might not like what they hear.
One person might not meet the other's expectations.
There's another land mine.
People shouldn't have to live up to expectations.
- Oh, come on.
We do it all the time.
- For example? For example, you are not going to wear that to dinner tonight, are you? You're gonna go home and change because we both have expectations about how each other is going to look.
You'll be wearing something elegant.
Not too dark.
Charcoal suit.
And I'll be dressed in deep violet.
- Burgundy.
- Burgundy? - Or violet.
You've always dreamed of seeing me in, burgundy? I don't have much in burgundy.
Maybe I can make it to Neimann's before they close.
- Lois, you don't have to do that.
- No, no, wait.
You're picking me up at 8? Make it 8:15.
Oh, no, forget it.
That's a bad way to start a date, being late.
No, 8.
I don't want you to think I'm flaky, changing my mind all the time.
- You have to press the button.
- What? See you tonight.
You were serious about the burgundy? Did I buy this? Smoking.
I still got 30 seconds.
Eight o'clock on the dot.
- Would you like more time? - Do I need it? No.
Absolutely not.
You look great.
I know you said burgundy, but I thought why be a slave to expectations.
That's a charcoal suit, isn't it? You know, I could change.
I got a lot of really cute things in burgundy, and I'll be ready Lois, no.
I like what you're wearing.
You look fantastic.
- Really? - Let's just go.
Let me just get my purse.
Then when I was a senior in high school I had a huge fight with my dad, and I moved out.
You never told me that.
Anyway, he was always disappointed that he never had any sons.
So you went and became a world-famous reporter just to prove him wrong? Maybe.
- You gonna finish that? - So why don't you quit? I mean, now you can do anything that you want.
I guess I found out I like it.
Did they give you two forks with that? I'm sorry.
Here you go.
I hate myself.
- Are you ready for another round.
- No, I need a moment to recover.
- So, what about you? - No, I'm fine.
It's all yours.
No, I mean you and your parents.
Did you ever have any big fights with them? Little ones.
Nothing really big.
I guess you could say I was your basic goody two-shoes.
The perfect son.
You know, it's not easy being perfect.
Actually, Jimmy still thinks that I should wear an earring.
Clark Kent, the rebel without a flaw.
You know, when you think about it the only time people ever really seem to express themselves is when they're passionate and that polite veneer of society drops off.
- You know, like when they're fighting.
- Or make love.
Oh, my gosh.
- It's almost midnight.
We'd better go.
- Yeah.
Well Yeah.
Okay, look.
Clark, I had a really nice time.
So did I.
No, I mean I had a really nice time.
Probably one of the best times I've ever had.
- It wasn't the funniest or the wildest - But don't knock yourself out, Lois.
It just seemed to work.
It's really nice.
That's why I can never see you again.
Lois? I need a new partner.
I knew it.
One bad date, there goes my whole newsroom.
Just shoot me now.
Send me up to Elvis.
- Perry - No, no, no.
Lois, don't say it.
You know, I have stood on the sidelines, hoping against hope that Mother Nature would smile on you two that the bluebird of happiness would land on your shoulder that four-leaf clovers would sprout wherever you walk.
And all the time, my gosh, you're singing a different aria.
- Perry - Lois, anybody with half a hemisphere can see that you two are gasoline and fire, TNT and matches two trains headed towards each other - Perry! Thank you.
The problem is, we didn't have a bad date.
It was a really great date and now I'm completely panicked, and I have no idea what to do next.
Well, come here, honey.
Lois That came for you while you were in there with Perry.
"I thought I'd save you the trouble of ordering.
Enjoy, Lucky Leon.
" Lois, about last night These things are kind of attractive, in a hideous sort of way.
I'm a bit confused.
Oh, look.
Yours has a stapler and a radio.
Pencil sharpener.
That's pretty convenient.
Did I do something to offend you? - Lf I did, I apologize.
- My goodness.
Imitation wood paneling.
It must be the deluxe model.
Lois, no one's asking you for a lifetime commitment or anything like that.
- So there's no pressure - Oh, look.
Batteries are included.
Here, you wanna trade? - No, no, no.
I love my mine.
I love mine.
- Please, believe me.
- I've been looking for something like this.
- Clark, I don't Oh, Clark.
About last night Yeah? - Well, I just wanna say that - Stop the presses.
Always wanted to say that in a newsroom.
Nobody ever says that, you know.
It's just on television.
Well, sure, but it still felt good.
So, what's the deal with Jimmy? Well, the judge wants to revoke bail and bring him in.
He thinks he's a flight risk after his car escapade.
That was an accident.
I got him 24 hours more, but that's it.
Meanwhile, I've been doing some digging.
I called a friend of mine in D.
He'll phone as soon as he finishes his background check on Borges and Leon.
And you came all the way down here to tell us that? Actually, I came to ask Clark to lunch.
One of my New Year's resolutions is to be more decisive.
Plus, it's much harder to reject somebody in person.
- That's nice, Mayson, but - Go.
I'll hold down the fort.
- Lois - No, it's okay.
If anything breaks, I'll call you.
Have a good time.
I told my office that I'd either be here or at Mar's Cafe.
- So if they call, will you? - Absolutely.
By the way, Borges was poisoned.
Somebody killed him with synthetic curare.
What? - Clark Kent's desk.
Who? - Lois Lane.
No, I'm sorry.
Miss Drake just left.
Can you hold on a minute? - Who is that.
- Some guy from Washington.
Tell him you found Mayson, she'll be with him in a second.
- Line two is for you.
- Okay.
You know what, I just found her.
Here you go.
Excuse me, I'm having some sort of weird allergy attack.
My voice sounds like a bullfrog.
- So, what did you find out? - Gregor? - Really? - No way.
That's incredible.
Oh, well, thanks.
Yes, your voice sounds very sexy too.
Thanks, man.
I owe you.
Lois, that was Gregor.
He just heard Lucky Leon saying there's a big shipment coming in today.
- Only there's nothing officially scheduled.
- Bingo.
What'd the guy from D.
Have to say? Surprise, surprise.
Raul Borges used to be a drug smuggler.
He got caught and was given a choice: Either go to jail, or start working for the CIA.
I hate career decisions.
He's an expert in the clandestine shipment of men and material.
He's been working for the CIA for over three years.
- And Lucky Leon? - Real name, Vacilli Salchenco.
Former Chief of Technical Department, Executive Action Section, KGB.
- Cute.
From the James Bond movies.
- Exactly.
From toy planes that are really remote-control bombs to poison-tipped umbrellas.
Umbrellas, I might add, tipped in the same poison that killed Borges.
Lois, I went to check on my car to see why it acted so crazy.
I found this attached to my carburetor.
Some kind of remote-control thing.
Which means that my accident was no accident.
It was Lucky Leon.
It's 12:30.
We've got a date on Route 128.
If we're right, we're gonna get Lucky Leon.
- Want me to call Clark? - Why? So he can tease me about being on a wild-goose chase again? I don't think so.
Besides, he's already got a date.
All right.
Somebody in Washington knows a lot about us.
No matter.
In 45 minutes, she will lead Superman right into our plan.
You'd better get moving.
Watch your step.
Remember, we stop for nothing and no one.
We use extreme force, if necessary.
Let's roll.
- Sir.
- Move out.
Jimmy, do you see anything? Keep your eyes peeled.
Oh, I'm gonna be sick.
Come on, come on.
Hey, what's that up ahead? What's this? What happened? I can't tell you, ma'am.
But by any chance do you have a phone? - Sure, it's in the car.
- I'll get it.
- Lois Lane? - Yes.
I'm Colonel McNeil.
Is there any way you can get in touch with Superman? You mean, can I call him? No.
We're in the middle of a national emergency.
Some terrorists have just hijacked a vanload of nuclear warheads.
Nuclear warheads? Here you go.
See if you can get in touch with the base.
They weren't ours.
They had just arrived from one of the former Soviet republics.
They were brought here to be dismantled to keep them from being sold to terrorists.
Don't you have a radio? Smashed.
Shot to pieces.
You know, I could try and reach my partner, Clark Kent.
Maybe he could get ahold of Superman.
You tell Kent to tell Superman the terrorists are headed north on Route 128.
They're dressed like American soldiers, and they're driving a van just like ours.
It says, "Moby Rick's Fresh Seafood.
" Come on, captain.
All right, men.
Secure the area.
- Holy mackerel.
- Clark.
Yes? This isn't easy but I'm sure it's obvious by the way I've been throwing myself at you that I have feelings for you.
This is when you're suppose to say, "I have feelings for you too, Mayson.
" Well, I do.
That was enthusiastic.
Mayson, I care about you, and I think about you a lot.
Then what's the problem? - How do I say this? - Just tell me.
Look, Clark, I'm a lawyer.
I know you're hiding something.
Something that's keeping us apart.
What is it? I can handle it.
Mayson, it's not that easy.
If it's Lois, just say it.
I care for you.
And I care for Lois.
Clark, l I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Clark Kent.
What? Lois, are you sure? Okay, I'll try to contact Superman as soon as I can.
I'm really sorry, Mayson, I have to go.
I'm really sorry.
I love you.
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Move it, move it.
Superman, what are you doing here? I'm about to return some stolen property.
I don't know what you're talking about, but please step aside.
I'm afraid I can't do that.
- Superman, please step aside.
- Ready arms.
Guys, let's get serious.
It's me, Superman.
You have exactly two choices: The hard way or my way.
What'll it be? Captain? I mean, it's the biggest story of the year and some by-the-book colonel wants me to sit on it because of some stupid little detail like national security.
You step out on the field, Lois, you're gonna get hit.
You know, now I know what you boys were doing in sixth grade when the girls had to go to the auditorium for the hygiene lecture.
You were learning sports metaphors.
Lois, hush.
At least we know the Army caught the terrorists and got the warheads back.
We've got Lucky Leon, and you are as good as clear.
I will read a brief statement.
At 1: 17 this afternoon a secret shipment of nuclear warheads destined for dismantling was hijacked by Superman and turned over to terrorists - masquerading as U.
- No! By command of the President and Executive Action Order number 3708 the combined forces of the United States are ordered to and will be solely dedicated to ending this threat and bringing Superman to justice.
I just never thought I'd see the day that Superman would turn to crime.
I said all along he's a menace.
He's proved it.
- He's been tricked, I'm positive.
- Superman wouldn't help terrorists.
Well, why ain't he out there trying to make good? Because he's a criminal.
I just remembered something really important I have to do.
More important than a bunch of terrorists blowing us all from here to Elvis and back? Now, you get your butt over there in that chair and start typing.
You too.
I want everything you got on this mess, and I want it in a half an hour.
Right, chief.
Clark, I guess I picked a bad time to finish our conversation.
But you still owe me for lunch.
And, Lois, thanks for taking that message for me.
You know, the big news is gonna be who finds those nuclear warheads.
I'd love to solve this, but even Superman wouldn't know where to look.
All we need is Lucky Leon's forwarding address, and we can go right to him.
What about the reverse? I mean, what if he went to an old address? Somewhere you'd never think to look? Like the old factory where he started.
It's a stupid idea, isn't it? Well, on behalf of Intergang, congratulations, you did it.
Thank you.
Would you like some grapes? At 1.
19 a pound, they're almost as big a steal as these warheads.
Thank you.
I think not.
Go on, they're seedless.
You have the 900 million? Certainly, I do.
I would like to examine the merchandise first.
Okay, we've seen enough.
It's just getting good.
We can't go now.
Famous last words.
When people say that, it usually never comes true but today is your lucky day.
- Help me.
- Easy.
What about them? Either we leave them here to starve, or we shoot them.
This isn't the best time, but I want to tell you something.
I like you too, Clark.
I'm sorry about what I did on our date.
- What did you do? - I'll tell you later.
All right, be careful.
Easy, easy.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Get the truck.
Run for the Jeep.
Clark? Piece of cake.
- What are you doing here? - I can't find Clark.
- You have to get out.
- Can't you stop it? I tried.
It has a lead-shielded backup timer.
- I can't read it, so I can't stop it.
- Twelve seconds.
Looks like it's time for a field goal.
It's up.
It's good.
Excuse me for a second, Lois.
I'll be right back.
Clark? Jimmy? - Superman, surely we can make a deal.
- Yes, yes, a deal.
I have company condos in Aspen and Miami.
You can use them anytime you want, including holidays.
Plus the 900 million.
What do you say, Lois? I say nyet.
You heard the lady.
Then Jimmy came back We put them in the Jeep and drove to the police.
We found C.
A half mile down the road.
I guess I got a little lost in the dark.
Everybody else has been rounded up.
Plus, the Pentagon cleared Superman of any wrongdoing.
I'd give my eyeteeth to know how Superman was duped.
Wouldn't we all.
If not for Jimmy, we'd never have thought of that old factory.
That was inspired of you, Jimmy.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, chief.
And thanks, you guys, for clearing my name.
No problemo.
Now, Jimmy remember when I was talking about Elvis' cape? I forgot to mention that a lot of people think that Superman got his idea for his cape from Elvis.
See, men can be direct.
And sometimes you hit a hole in one.
I thought you hated sports metaphors.
Not all the time.
Hey, you two.
You get out of here.
Jimmy and I will put the paper to bed.
Thanks, chief.
We promised Mayson Drake we'd stop by and give our statements.
- We're already late.
- All right.
Beat it then.
One thing I can't understand is how Lucky Leon was able to kill Borges.
Or how he knew the clues he was feeding us were working.
- Here, I want you to have this back.
- No way.
We made a fair trade.
- No, Clark, really, I don't want it.
I don't - No, really.
No, really, Lois A digital satellite uplink and a remote-control, little camera.
Let's just say it's a good thing that you didn't keep the Bath Friend.
Lois, I don't really know exactly how to say this but why did you come back to me tonight at the factory? I mean, you were running back into an atomic explosion.
I know.
It doesn't make too much sense, does it? I guess I just couldn't leave you there.
You slammed the door in my face last night.
That was a mistake.
Don't let it happen again.
I guess we'll just have to see how things go, won't we? Fortunately, there's no doors here tonight.
If Clark and Lois show up, tell them I got tired of waiting.
They're not the only case I'm working on.
Mayson, don't! Mayson? Mayson? Mayson? Clark.
So that's what you've been hiding.
Oh, my God.