Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s03e20 Episode Script

My high school reunion.
Where does the time go? Listen, are you sure you wanna go to this thing? -Oh, yeah, sure.
-It's just, I'd understand if you didn't.
-A bunch of people you don't know.
-Lois, you just got your memory back.
I just got you back.
I may never let you out of my sight again.
-Would you look at you? -Just my luck.
I wear polyester one day of my life and it's captured on film for eternity.
Lois Lane, student-body president.
You got elected with that hair? I was stuck in my Charlie 's Angels phase.
Everybody was.
-Who's Joe Malloy? -We should really get going.
"You' re in my dreams like a touchdown pass.
I can't help noticing you've got a great--" Give me that.
I was also in my "dating the quarterback" phase.
It didn't last long.
I also noticed that you were voted "Least Likely to Get Married"-- And put up a picket fence.
I know, I know.
I was headstrong and independent, and, by the way also vowed not to get married until after that first Pulitzer.
-Well, what changed? -I met you.
-Come on.
-Okay.
And our spirits will soar As we hear our mighty roar The Lion is king of all the rest We will kill them, we will beat them Yeah, the Lions will defeat them Go, all you Lions, go I've been waiting for this moment for years.
I am beautiful, l' m successful and I was never asked to a dance.
Never, ever ever! Well, I won't be the wallflower at this dance, will l? I said, will l? -No.
No.
-No.
No.
Oh, that sounded so sincere.
Must you be so small? Tasteless question.
My darling little Debbie, you miss Joe? He never had any time for me in high school.
Well, he'll have time for me tonight.
And Les, I'll comfort Peggy.
She's probably been crying and crying since you've been gone which will just wreck those perfect features.
Well, I'm off.
Tonight I'll be the belle of the ball while Lois Lane's world is gonna get awfully small.
Well, I never asked you.
In situations like this, are you a mingler or a clinger? -What? -A mingler or a clinger? Do you hang on the hip all night or do you like to split up and circulate? Lo-Lo! -Excuse me.
-Lo-Lo? It's what my good friends called me in high school.
-Oh, Lois.
-Smile, please.
Thank you.
You look wonderful as always.
-Annette Westman.
-Oh, hi.
I'm Clark Kent, Lo-Lo's fiance.
-You must've been one of her friends.
-No, we barely spoke.
Right, Lo-Lo? Well.
Well, we-- You know, we did-- -You look great.
-Really? Like I'm ready for the prom? Not that I would know.
I never actually went to a prom.
-Lo-Lo! -Hey, it's Lois.
Julie! Oh, Clark, I really want you to meet Julie.
-Annette, why don't we all go over-- -No, you go on.
Run off to Julie, just like the old days.
Julie, hi.
Hi, Dick.
Julie, this is my fiance, Clark Kent.
Clark, Dick.
Dick, Clark.
Hans, get in here.
-Ja, madam? -Time to go to work.
I will be the center of attention at this stupid event.
Ja, madam.
I will get into position, but do not release it until my signal.
Ja, madam.
Oh, God, there's Joe Malloy.
The quarterback? He is so unhappy.
His wife vanished just a few weeks ago.
You're kidding.
Do the police have any leads? Well, the case is still open, but it doesn't look good.
-Joe.
Joe.
Oh, Joe.
-Hi, Annette.
Smile, please.
-Thank you.
-I'm so sorry.
I just heard.
What can I do? It's just good to see you, Lo-Lo.
I wasn't gonna come tonight but it's good to be around old friends.
Annette has been such a rock.
You just buck up, big guy.
You two have been close since high school? Not really, but she's come around at just the right time and it's sweet, her being so busy with her big cosmetics company and all.
Westman Cosmetics? You're that Westman? Yes.
Fortune 5OO, New York Stock Exchange.
Things have changed a lot for me since high school.
Excuse me, Annette, I just wanna talk to Lois for a sec.
So, what did the police say about Debbie? Just that there's no evidence of foul play.
Who's that guy you're with? Oh, Clark.
He's my fiance.
Hang on to him, Lois.
You don't see it coming till they're gone.
Debbie and me, we had our problems, but I never thought she'd leave.
Must be something about being 30.
Same thing happened to Peggy.
Peggy, our friend? Peggy Barrish? Yeah.
Her husband, Les, gone.
No note.
No nothing.
She's all torn up about it.
Oh, that must be why she's not here tonight.
Ready? Just wait for my signal.
You're gonna drop the disco ball and it'll just barely miss me.
If that doesn 't make me the center of attention, I don 't know what will.
Fortunes! Fortunes! I see all.
Mrs.
Pomerantz, you taught P.
E.
The ball will miss me by a foot.
The room will go wild with sympathy and concern.
Oh, look.
I definitely see a little Kent in your future.
Now let's see.
It looks like a very healthy one.
Get out of the way, Lois.
Hold it.
Just wait.
Not yet.
Not yet.
Wait till I say go.
No.
Wait till I say go.
Wait till I say go.
Guys.
Thanks.
Fabulous.
As if she never got enough attention.
You idiot.
Superman.
Where did you--? Well, I'm always sort of nearby.
Lois and I are friends.
Well, Lois, you're happy now but all that's about to change.
Lois, I know you want that Pulitzer, I just don't think that this reunion story is it.
Clark, two of my high school classmates' spouses have disappeared in the past few weeks without a trace.
-Do you know the divorce rate? -I know these people and they' re just not the vanish-without-a-trace type.
Don't fight it, Clark.
When the pit bull gets hold of a bone -it won't let go.
-Tell me about it.
There's a connection between some no-shows at my reunion.
-Why do you think that? -They weren't there.
-How are they connected? -They weren't there.
-Why weren't they there? -I don't know.
They weren't there.
Boy, that's a story just crying out to be told.
Jimmy! Chief, are those cowboy boots you're wearing? Oh, yeah.
Sally, you know, that gal I've been going out with she's big into the country-western stuff.
In fact, we've been going line dancing.
Yeah.
Watch this.
You just keep track of your toe and your heel, and your heel and your toe and your toe and your heel, and your heel-- Hey, what is this? Don't you city folks have stories to write? Let's go.
Lois, here's a little present for you.
You're gonna need it sooner or later.
-Thanks, chief.
-You called, my queen? Yeah.
Be a prince.
Run the names of my senior class.
See if any of their spouses show up on missing-persons lists.
Oh, and try and get me a phone number for Peggy Barrish.
Peggy Barrish? The model Peggy Barrish? The one that does the lingerie ads? The legs, the stockings? Her husband, Les, is missing.
Oh, that's terrible.
Garter belts.
"Lois Kent.
" "Lois Kent.
" Just the first time I've ever seen those two names.
Put together like that.
You can't even drop something right.
I was supposed to get the sympathy, not Lo-Lo.
Lo-Lo and Clark.
Lo-Lo and Superman.
Lo-Lo and the football team.
Whatever Lo-Lo wants, Lo-Lo gets.
Well, not for long.
Annette, please! If it's ransom you're after, Peggy and I will pay it.
Oh, God, I hate it when tiny people beg.
I don't want ransom.
I want Peggy, stressed out, getting uglier by the minute to accept my friendship and tell me daily how miserable and lonely she is.
Just like your Joe does, Debbie.
Cheer up, doll.
Soon you'll be joined by two others.
And this lovely stuff here is what does the trick.
Hans! Deliver these packages posthaste.
Help yourself, baby.
" For the man in love.
" "This shampoo, specially formulated for a man's hair will leave you feeling as never before.
Does the love of your life notice the little changes you make? Would you like to draw her a little closer? Try this free sample and, little by little, she'll see a whole new you.
" Hey.
You didn't say goodbye.
I'm late, and you were in the shower.
You smell good.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Julie? Honey? I think I've-- I'm lost.
What the? -Julie? Hey! -Get in there, you.
Let me out of here.
Hey, who is that? First Julie's husband and now Clark Kent.
Hans! You can make that other pickup in just a few minutes.
Wake up! You're gonna have company.
We interrupt this program for a Metro News bulletin.
Hawaii's Kilauea volcano has erupted and lava flows are steadily making their way toward villages in the area.
It has been reported thousands are fleeing for their lives from villages closest to the volcano and in direct path of-- This just in.
Miraculously, Superman has just appeared and has diverted the lava flow into the Pacific Ocean.
What appeared to be an unparalleled disaster-in-the-making has been averted.
Local residents stand cheering and it appears not a single home has been lost.
Thank you, Superman.
We now return to our regularly scheduled program.
-Sorry.
Must be in the wrong apartment.
-Hey, hey, hang on a second.
The landlord ordered pest control.
Excuse, please.
Must check the work order.
Huge rats.
No rats here.
Okay.
Well, okey-dokey.
Morning.
Morning.
I've been trying to get ahold of Peggy Barrish the other person whose spouse vanished? No luck.
You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning.
Actually, I heard about the volcano.
Nice work.
One latte, double-sugar-lumped, fat-full, just the way you like it.
Thank you.
No, I just stepped out of the shower and in walks this exterminator guy looking for rats.
You're kidding.
Did he see anything? No.
I was wearing a towel.
-Clark, listen.
-Yeah? We've never really talked about this but just how dead set are you on me changing my last name to Kent? -Well-- -Because it is my professional name.
Marrying you is a huge part of my life, don't get me wrong but, you know, so is this.
And I don't think I'll feel one bit less married to you by holding onto a name that has taken me, really, years to establish.
You have tradition on your side but I never understood why women have to change.
They change their name, their body when they have a baby-- -Lois.
-Yes? Next time, decaf for you.
I just feel attached both professionally and personally, to "Lois Lane.
" -Me too.
-You too what? I'm attached to Lois Lane.
I fell in love with her, I admire her I depend on her.
I'm not asking for any changes, am l? No.
If something is important to you, then it's important to me.
We're in this together.
Guys? Nice timing.
I ran those names from your senior class.
None reported any missing persons except the ones you said.
Who both happen to be friends of yours.
Yeah.
It's weird, huh? Joe? Joe, are you okay? This dang machine.
There's a bar in there.
They say it's empty, but it's not.
I need that bar.
Honey, it's okay.
-Oh, you got it.
-Yeah.
Hi, Joe.
I'm Clark Kent, Lois's fiance.
Oh, hi.
I'm sorry to bother you guys.
I was just hoping that maybe you had some information about my Debbie or even about Peggy's husband, Les.
This thing is such a mess.
Yeah.
Come on, let's go talk about it.
I am so happy you cheap consumers used your free shampoo.
Make room for little Richard.
There's something I need to tell you-- Hans, when madam is savoring her triumphs -madam does not wish to be disturbed.
-Ja, madam.
There you go.
Dick? Oh, man.
Les, Debbie.
So this is where you disappeared to.
All right, break up the coffee klatch.
You, Dick.
For God's sake, get into that closet and put on something humiliating.
Hans, the last bag.
Madam, please, l-- Our final guest is the recently engaged Clark Kent.
Hans, you will perhaps note the bag is empty.
-Ja, madam.
-T ell me he used the shampoo.
I'm sure he did, but-- Quit muttering, you overgrown tumor! Where is Clark? Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? The shampoo failed.
The shampoo didn't fail.
I don't fail.
I gave up failing.
If anyone here failed, who would it have been? -Me.
-I want Lois's nightmare to begin.
Find out what happened.
So other than being high school friends, nothing links you and the other victims.
When we graduated, everyone just kind of scattered.
How's Peggy? I've been trying to reach her.
Completely shattered.
She and Les were so happy.
It seemed like they had it all.
But I guess that's what they said about all of us in school.
Y eah.
Peggy was the homecoming queen and Julie was the head cheerleader.
And Joe was the quarterback.
That's what you had in common.
You were big deals in high school.
I gotta go.
I got a lunch appointment.
I don't wanna keep her waiting.
Thanks.
Sure.
We're gonna figure this thing out, Joe.
That's great perfume.
Reminds me of Debbie.
Oh, I'm not wearing any.
Oh, I'm sorry, it's you.
Well, I'll see you.
You do smell good.
New cologne? I'm not wearing cologne.
You're getting a little sloppy in your rushes to save the day.
Clark, your glasses.
Did she say what it was? Okay, thanks.
Jimmy said Julie's been trying to reach me, that it's urgent.
Are we Cajun-cooking again? I bought a nice bottle of wine that'll go great with the blackened lasagna.
It's starting.
This is insane.
I got Julie's machine.
Who leaves an urgent message and then goes out? I hope she's okay-- This shirt seems all stretched out.
Not that I'm all that domestic, but do shirts stretch? Maybe I need to find another cleaners.
Clark, either your clothes are growing or you're-- -What's happening to you? -Something really strange.
I mean, I know what's happening, I just don't understand how or why.
-Has this happened before? -First I noticed, it was Monday.
This started yesterday and you didn't tell me? What were you thinking? I was thinking, "Don't tell Lois.
She'll only be upset.
" I wanted to get some facts straight, figure out what was happening to me.
To us.
Whatever happens to you or me happens to us.
Didn't you just get through saying we're in this together? And we'll get through this together.
Well, your powers are functioning normally.
But you've experienced a loss in height and body mass.
It's okay, doc.
It's okay.
But the suit seems to fit as snugly as ever.
That's the aura effect.
Anything within a tenth of a millimeter is essentially a second skin.
What's happening might be the result of living on the Earth under a yellow sun.
Perhaps your molecular structure can only tolerate a yellow sun for a finite period -before it breaks down.
-What can we do? Well, let's not panic.
It may be reversible.
I can't tell you anything definitive till the test results come back.
And if it can't be reversed? -Well.
-It's okay, doc.
You can tell me.
You can be blunt.
Think of yourself as a snowman.
As a snowman melts, it has less and less to protect it from the effects of the sun.
Before you know it, you're nothing more than a puddle with a corncob pipe.
T oo blunt.
T oo blunt.
I knew it.
You can see why I don't do clinical work.
Lois, where's Clark? Oh, well, I'm sure he'll show up.
When the rooster crows, I want everyone off their keister out of the bunkhouse and pulling their own weight.
All right, you little dogies, roll them out.
He's going through an urban-cowboy stage.
Dick did too.
I gave him such a hard time.
God, I'd love to see him again, even in those stupid boots.
I'm so sorry.
If I'd gotten ahold of you last night, I would have come over.
Are you sure you didn't see anything unusual in the house at all? Just that nothing was touched.
Even all his clothes are still there.
Oh, and I don't know if it means anything but a neighbor saw an exterminator truck near the house.
An exterminator? Clark had an exterminator in his place too.
Did they say the name of the company? What did she say? Snoil.
That's it.
S-N-O-l-L.
-Lois Lane.
-Free for lunch? Annette? No, I can't have lunch.
I'm sitting here with Julie.
I'm sitting here with Dick.
Her husband's disappeared.
It's just so terrible.
There's nothing worse than loneliness.
Believe me, I know.
Please tell her I'm here for her if she needs me.
I know how tough the disappearance of Joe's wife has been on him.
-Can I call you back? -Oh, yes.
And please tell Julie to think positively.
I'm sure Dick's devotion to her will get him home safely.
Not.
Annette says to think positively.
She is just so great.
Were you two friends in high school? No.
You wanna know something awful? I used to sort of tease her.
Lois Lane.
Clark? Meet you? Late tonight? Why? Well, okay.
Clark? Are you here? Lois? Clark.
Where are you? I' m here.
We need to talk.
Lois, stop.
Please, don't come any closer.
What's wrong? Why can't I see you? You'll only be frightened.
I'm frightened.
Did you see Dr.
Klein? He has to run more tests before he knows anything definitive.
Lois, I know if you see me right now, you'll be alarmed and you'll ask lots of questions and I won't have any answers.
Well, I swear I won't ask any questions.
When will Dr.
Klein get back to you? How long before we know anything? Why would you think I'd ask lots of questions? Lois, I need you to be calm, focused.
I think whatever's happening to you has something to do with that exterminator.
Dick, Julie's husband, is gone.
Another person vanished? And he had an exterminator at his place too.
That's a start.
Whatever information you get, I'll find a way of contacting you.
You'll contact me? But yesterday you said we were in this together.
Lois this thing that I'm going through right now, I have to handle it myself.
Please trust me on this.
Clark, ask me to scour the earth wake up every cop, knock on every door but please don't ask me to walk away from you.
I don't know how to do that.
I know.
Clark? Please forgive me.
I tried to do what you asked.
Maybe not hard enough, but I did try.
I'm here to help and l-- Clark? Clark, are you here? Clark? Clark? It wasn't cologne.
It was shampoo.
I know you're trying.
I don't mean to keep bothering you.
Dr.
Klein, there are more tests you could run.
I mean, it is possible to find an antidote, isn't it? We're doing our best to analyze this shampoo but we have so little to go on.
So, what you're saying is it's hopeless.
Well, of course I'm alarmed.
The world needs Superman.
I need Superman.
Clark? -ls that you? Are you here? -Y eah, I'm here.
Dr.
Klein had bad news? Well not as good as we had hoped.
But he's got all of ST AR Labs working on a reversal formula.
It'll just take more time.
Time I don't have.
I know how scared you must be.
I know how scared I am.
At least we're in this together.
Lois, we've always tried to be honest with each other.
That's the kind of commitment we have to one another.
That's the kind of marriage we're gonna have.
We have to be real here.
Lois, look at me.
Over here.
Look.
Oh, God.
-I look like Mighty Mouse.
-No, you-- We can't seriously talk about a future, or a life together or a marriage right now.
-I may not have a tomorrow.
-What are you saying? I heard you on the phone with Dr.
Klein.
I heard your pain.
I can't put you through that.
Well, that doesn't say very much for your belief in me.
I'm not some weak-kneed, fair-weathered, fly-by-night friend.
I didn't come here to fight with you.
Then why did you come here? To tell me you're gonna stay away forever? -You are so stubborn.
-You are so stubborn.
Clark.
"Snoil.
" Yeah.
Yeah, I recall reading this a year or so ago.
Dr.
Torvold Graham claimed he'd found a way to shrink living cells.
Where did you get this article? From Superman.
Have you had any luck with the analysis of the shampoo? A little, but we are nowhere near reversing its effect.
Lois, I have never been under so much pressure.
I have this enormous responsibility.
If the world knew he was shrinking-- Klein, pull it together.
This isn't about you, it's about Superman.
-Right.
-Now if we got this Dr.
Graham's research notes could you find an antidote? Possibly.
The details of his work were kept confidential and Dr.
Graham vanished some months ago.
He was never found.
-Well, who did he work for? -Oh, gee.
His work was funded by a-- -lt was a large cosmetics firm.
-A cosmetics firm? Well, you know, they're always trying to shrink something.
-She runs a cosmetic company.
-Oh, I see.
None of us were friends with her in high school.
Suddenly she's comforting Julie and calling me.
And he said he didn't wanna keep her waiting for lunch.
-Joe was having lunch with Annette.
-He was? The exterminator from Snoil pest control.
"Snoil" spelled backwards is "lions.
" We were the Lions.
Dr.
Klein, I know how to get those research notes.
" Lois, it's too dangerous.
Stay put till you hear from me.
" He always says that.
And I never listen.
-I'm getting you out of here.
-Who are you? I'm -a Navy Seal.
-Boy, you guys are good.
I'm not going out there.
There's a huge cat.
I'll take care of the cat.
I'm a Navy Seal.
-Well, the door's locked.
-I jimmied it.
We'll go down the table leg and across the floor.
Hurry, before anybody wakes up.
Annette? Annette, open up.
It's Lois.
She never listens.
Coming.
One word and you're cat food.
Think about it.
Lois.
My, it's so late.
Well, I do hope there isn't a problem.
Annette, Clark's disappeared just like the others.
No.
Oh, Lois, I'm here for you.
Can I come in? -Well, why don't we meet tomorrow-- -I really think I need to sit down.
You sure do have a lot of stuff from high school.
Well, I was assembling it all for the reunion.
Please, Lois.
Share your pain with me.
This is Julie's cheerleading outfit.
And Joe's football helmet.
Yes.
He was very grateful for everything I've done.
It was really generous of you considering you weren't even friends in high school.
Do you know I went to every one of his games and he never even looked my way? And Julie used to tease you.
She found my weight, wardrobe, braces, attempts to speak amusing, yes.
And what did I do? I think you'd better go, Lo-Lo.
Why are you doing this? I never did anything to you.
Who lost the election for class president to you? Moi.
But you forgot, didn't you, Lo-Lo? Of course.
Nothing I ever did made the slightest impression on you.
-And Peggy? -Pretty, pretty Peggy.
Always got all the attention, all the boys, all the Valentines.
Interesting, isn't it? Now everybody needs me to comfort them, even you.
You don't wanna comfort anyone.
You just wanna see our pain.
-Lois! -Over here! -Don't.
Lois! -ln the dollhouse! Come on, hurry up.
Hey, Lois! Oh, my God.
-Call the cops! -She's got a gun! Behind you! Clark isn't here and Hans is having great difficulty finding him.
So maybe he shrunk away to nothing.
Lonely, Lois? Need a hug? There's still a chance to make things right.
Just turn over Dr.
Graham's research notes.
Don't be silly.
I'm more popular now than I ever dreamed.
And since you don't appear to need me, I have no need for you.
Goodbye, Lois.
-Don't do it.
-No.
I guess I'll have to clean up my own dirty work.
Whatever.
Here's a box office hit for you.
Honey, I Shrunk the Reporter.
-No, don't! -Don't do it! No! -Lois.
Lois, you saved us.
-Lois, that's great! Good work, you two.
You all make an incredible team.
-But I guess I say that too often, huh? -I don't think you can say that too often.
What, chief, no cowboy boots? Oh, well, you know, Sally said I couldn't get my tush to push.
I guess I'm just an old rock-'n'-roller at heart, huh? So that fortuneteller was right.
There was a little Kent in my future.
Are you saying that I was "small" not to share my troubles with you? That's not what I was saying, but nicely put.
Well, would the future Mrs.
Kent and her alter ego, Lois Lane accept an apology and dinner? If Mr.
Kent and his alter ego would provide the flight.
Deal.
The four of us make a pretty good team.
We should double date more often.
You know what's great about you? Sure, but you can repeat it again.
Everything.
As long as we're together, it's incredible.
So I guess that means you won't be pushing me away again.
I won't.
And maybe you could promise not to put yourself in harm's way again? Well.
Give me your pinkie.
-What? -Your pinkie finger.
"l promise," on three.
-One, two.
-One, two.
I promise.
Lois? Lois? Lois.