Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s04e01 Episode Script

"Previously on" Lois & "Clark:" What are you saying,|that we're supposed to get married? - I'm saying we already are.
|- They expect me to go back with Zara.
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and rule over New Krypton.
|- If Kal-El doesn't "return.
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Nor will divide the ruling houses|and the hold they have over the people.
Riots will be followed by mass murders,|followed by civil war.
My dear son.
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that is my legacy.
That is your destiny.
I will be here waiting for you, Clark.
And if you can return, you will.
And so I leave,|knowing that a world full of heroes.
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has nothing to fear.
Lois.
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I love you.
Lois? - Clark?|- I couldn't go through with it.
I couldn't stay away.
|Let's get out of "here.
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and go someplace|they'll never find us.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh, Clark,|I knew you'd come back.
- Thinking about her?|- I know she's thinking about me.
This bond that you have with her, it's so|different from the way I was taught.
Still, it must be incredible|to learn to love like that.
The mothership is on fast approach.
|They request your countersign.
- The mothership?|- The royal transport, Clark.
A floating palace.
|It will take us to New Krypton.
Palace? I'm not sure I'm really ready|for a palace.
- She will uncloak now.
|- It's a spacecraft, right? I mean, when you say a palace|you don't really mean, "like.
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a palace.
The Council of Elders is aboard.
Our subjects wish to bid you welcome,|Lord Kal-El.
Kryptonian society is held together|by an alliance of noble families.
- Right, right.
|- Represented by the Council of Elders.
Right, the Council of Elders.
They'll be watching you|for any signs of ambivalence.
It is vital you adhere strictly|to the Kryptonian customs.
- Kryptonian customs.
|- To maintain the support of the people.
- And avoid the upheaval.
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|- That will lead to war.
They are prepared to receive|you, Kal-El.
Ready? I just want this kept low-key, you know?|They don't have to make a big deal over.
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Walk two paces ahead of Zara.
Greet the elders with open arms,|palms up.
Say, "Brothers in bonds,|I greet thee thrice.
" You're kidding.
Brothers in bonds, I greet thee thrice.
I am Trey, chief of the elders.
We are humbled and grateful|to greet you.
Kal-El! Kal-El.
- Oh, boy.
|- What do you mean, "Clark's gone"? Well, when you called last night,|we talked about someone going off.
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to see if organized crime|was taking advantage.
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of" Superman's absence.
Now, wait a minute, I didn't|necessarily mean you or Clark.
Well, we tossed a coin and he won.
Lois, this could be dangerous.
Are you sure he knows|what he's gotten himseIf into? Chief, to be honest,|I'm sure he has no idea.
Lord Kal-El, Lady Zara,|the ceremony will begin.
Why does Ching have that funny look|on his face? I probably should have told you|about this.
- About what?|- The Ceremony of Union.
Union? Union.
Union? It makes it legal for us|to consummate the marriage.
- What?|- What? I don't know what kind of|arrangement you and Kent have.
Thought you might be free for dinner.
For your information, Ralph,|I am an engaged woman.
I am an engaged man.
Not here, you're not.
|Here, you're my husband.
Kal-El and Zara, married since birth.
|In accordance with the laws.
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I am taken.
Dance card filled.
|Off the market.
And here is poor Clark|out risking his life for a story.
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and the minute his back is turned,|you're.
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You're.
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Whoa, whoa, it's just|a stinking dinner.
Well, you should be ashamed|of yourself.
Lois, get a grip.
I'll tell you this as a friend: You have|been a mess ever since Superman left.
Well, we're friends, you know? I am sure he is giving up|more than anyone knows.
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to do what he thinks is right.
|- Yeah, but did he think about us? I mean, we need him too.
Of course he thought about us.
|You don't think it killed him to leave? But civil wars would have broken out|in his country.
Innocent people would have been|slaughtered if he hadn't returned.
Protecting the helpless|isn't limited to "here.
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Ralph, and that|is what Superman does.
- You tell him, Lois.
|- Boy, should you be ashamed of yourself.
As you were.
I declare this union complete.
Its consummation sanctioned|by the law.
Behold, the bridal chamber.
So this is the village.
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where both Kal-El and the assassin Tez|landed on Earth.
Certainly less barren than home.
Our master's convinced that hoards|from New Krypton will follow him here.
Less barren, yes.
Let me see.
There may be other incentives.
So where is everybody? Oh, perhaps that palace over there.
I'll race you.
I could learn to like it here.
- Locked.
|- Just rip them open.
Hey.
What the hell do you think|you're doing? Oh, we're playing.
|Would you like to play too? That's quite enough.
Be ready for my arrival.
All will be ready, my Lord Nor.
these fools are conquered.
- Zara?|- Yes, Kal-El? I'm not sure what to do here.
I see.
And are the intimate habits of men and|women on Earth so different from ours? This fact never appeared|in my briefing manual.
- That's not what I meant.
|- There are techniques to help couples.
Your cable television shows|are most informative.
Please.
If you were Lois,|I'd know exactly what to do.
It'd be natural.
But this whole thing.
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you and I together.
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We are not a couple,|we're a political solution.
- So your heart isn't in this.
|- My heart? No.
No.
My heart is waiting for me|back on Earth.
Lois is my heart.
I was an outsider there, incomplete,|until I met her.
You saved yourseIf for her.
Yeah.
I saved myseIf for Lieutenant Ching.
It's very Kryptonian, actually.
You see, my heart isn't in this either.
Then we're agreed.
Not partners in bed, but partners.
Partners.
And friends.
|I hold you in high esteem, Kal-El.
Forgive the intrusion.
|I don't mean to interrupt your.
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Your handshake.
- You're not intruding, Trey.
|- So I see.
- And you wanted.
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?|- Your presence.
We must prepare for arrival|on New Krypton.
And it appears you're not occupied.
Kal-El.
Look, from now on,|you don't have to do this.
- It's tradition.
|- I know, but it's driving me crazy.
Up.
Everyone, up, please.
Up.
I don't believe I've said congratulations,|Lord Kal-El.
Congratulations.
- Councilor, Lord Nor has vanished.
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|- There's something that I wanna make.
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I understand, Kal-El.
|We're all prisoners of duty, I know.
It's how ardently we embrace our duty|that concerns me.
Disturbing news, my lord.
It appears Lord Nor|and a party of his followers.
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have vanished from New Krypton.
- Where would they go?|- It's believed they "are.
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" They're on their way toward Earth.
Ho Hos, Twinkies.
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Ding Dongs, Snickers? You feeling hungry? Jonathan, you know|I never eat this stuff.
- Well, then, why are we stocking up?|- They're his favorites.
And I know when he comes home|he's gonna want them.
And since he doesn't have any problems|with cavities and cholesterol, why not.
Well, that's spoken like a true mom.
|Martha.
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we've talked about this.
There's still|a chance that Clark might not get back.
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I know we've talked about it,|and you know what I said then? - "My boy is coming home.
"|- Martha.
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Jonathan, my boy is coming home.
Villagers of Smallville.
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your tedious lives.
It can 't be helped.
A change in leadership has occurred.
to your municipal headquarters.
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with work and dwelling assignments.
Freeze! Yield to the forces of Nor! Oh, look.
Well, well.
|Isn't this an awkward moment.
Let me attempt to smooth things over.
Friends, do not, I beg of you.
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think of me as some alien creature.
Some being who shares nothing|with you.
Rather, think of me as a god.
Stern, unforgiving, invincible.
I neither like you nor need you.
Resist me, and die.
Oh, my God.
Well, now that the ice is broken.
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my men will sort you|according to strength, age and health.
- Where you going?|- To call Lois.
This Lord Nor is the enemy|that Clark went to Krypton to fight.
Lois.
Hey, have you talked to Clark? He managed to call last night.
|I'm not sure when I'll see him.
Boy, he's gone, Superman's "gone.
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" He's gone, Superman's gone.
- Lois, you don't think.
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|- I certainly do not.
That.
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Jimmy, that's ridiculous.
What? I was just thinking with all|this hard work they could both burn out.
- Oh, that.
|- Why? What were you thinking? Want a simpler life.
Simpler life.
- Hi, Martha.
- Is everything okay?|- Well, it's kind of hard to explain.
A terrible thing is happening.
|These people.
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Martha? Hello, Martha? - Jimmy?|- Yeah? Keep trying the Kents.
There's something|wrong with the Smallville lines.
Well, although we got off|to a rocky start.
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I" think it's safe to say|things are back on track, isn't it? Isn't it? - Oh, yes, sir.
|- Yes, sir, whatever you say.
Your enthusiasm touches me deeply.
As part|of our urban-improvement plan.
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my men have begun a few|modernizing touches.
Voilà.
Smallville has been surrounded by|a force field that cannot be breached.
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completely cutting us off|from the rest of your world.
Oh, and another beautification effort.
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my palace.
At least for now.
So to review: Since I am absolute ruler,|it follows you are my slaves.
Behold your ruler and bow down.
We don't do much bowing|here in Kansas.
See, I have a feeling|we're not in Kansas anymore.
- Kneel or break.
|- Down.
Respect.
On your knees, slaves.
I greet you.
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as subjects of New New Krypton.
Well, if the FBI doesn't handle|these things, who does? No phone calls are getting through|to Smallville, Kansas.
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and the phone company|doesn't know why.
Well, then transfer me|to the Pentagon.
Oh, what are their business hours?|Hello? This is crazy.
Maybe I am too.
Clark? Clark? Clark? I'm going crazy.
And I'm talking to myself.
|That's a sign, isn't it? Now I'm asking myseIf questions.
|Oh, this could be a problem.
Or maybe I'll learn to enjoy it.
You're just an illusion.
Not here.
Oh, God.
Oh, if this isn't real,|I don't wanna know.
- Told you I'd come back.
|- And you did.
Kiss me.
I don't have a lot of time.
|I had to see you.
- Then why are you here?|- Change of plans.
- Oh, don't stop.
What about your people?|- They're here too.
- Don't ever leave me again.
|- I won't.
Lord Kal-El? - Family friend?|- Very friendly.
Sir, forgive for reminding you how critical|your presence is at the palace.
- Palace?|- Temporary palace.
It floats.
Yes, Trey, I know.
Yes, well, in that case,|I suggest you unhand your friend.
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and return to your troops,|and your bride.
I hear you.
If it were my country|I'd wanna kick Godzilla's butt too.
I'm sure you would.
Ching, they took him away.
|He was here and they took him away.
Do you have any idea how much|cookie-dough ice cream I've eaten? - Where is Clark?|- In the palace.
I don't see any palace.
- That would be correct.
|- Ching.
It's cloaked, so that even now|it is hovering undetected over the city.
Well, I gotta tell you.
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seeing him for less than a minute was|almost worse than not seeing him at all.
Almost, but not.
Yes, Kal-El, too,|said he was very "bumped.
" Bummed.
- He was bummed.
|- He feels your absence deeply.
I try to tell him that a Kryptonian|must disregard his own feelings.
Oh, right.
Like you're not sick "inside.
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that" Clark's married|to the woman you adore.
How's the marriage going, anyway?|Any squabbles, tiffs? Door slammings? Zara and Kal-El|do not have time for tiffs.
- Lord Nor is here.
|- Why? He learned he would|have super powers on Earth.
It made conquest too tempting|to resist.
Well, we have to do something.
|We have to tell someone.
Earthly force is useless against him.
And if Kal-El cannot successfully|lead our men against Nor.
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then he will colonize your world.
|Then all our dreams.
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yours, mine and Clark's, will be lost.
|This is why he had to leave you.
And, yes, it does make me sick|to see Zara with Kal-El.
But not as sick as if both our worlds|were destroyed by Nor.
So this isn't just about your people|anymore, but mine as well.
Ching, I wanna see Clark.
There's|no way your customs will allow it? Actually.
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there is one custom|that might interest you.
As your advisor, Kal-El.
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I regretfully endorse a preemptive strike|by our forces against Nor's.
We have no idea where he is|or whether we outnumber him.
- Well, my guess is we do.
|- And a guess isn't good enough.
I have my peoples' lives to consider.
By "your people" do you mean us|or the ones on Earth? Everyone.
If we do attack, the big losers'll be the|people of Earth, trapped in the crossfire.
Perhaps Kal-El's loyalty|has been compromised by sentiment.
If by "sentiment" you mean|that I value human life.
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yeah, I'm kind of a nut that way.
Husband, may we speak? I know this is difficult.
I just don't like slaughter being discussed|like it's an inconvenience.
Every war harms the innocent.
Look at that map.
What do you see? Troop deployments, mountains,|borders, rivers.
Yeah, well, I see neighborhoods,|parks, schoolyards.
Places where people expect|to be safe.
I will not rob those people|of their futures.
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just because Krypton|cannot solve its problems at home.
If that's what you want me to do, then|I have no business being your leader.
- A bit of domestic discord?|- You don't know the haIf of it.
Be patient, my lord.
The first few days of any marriage|are bound to be strained.
Trey.
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Lord Kal-El, I have brought you|something important.
- What, you found Nor?|- No.
- You have an estimate of his troops?|- No.
His attack plan? No.
I have brought you a selection|of concubines.
Sorry? It is our custom|for nobles to ease their tensions.
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with the help|of professional caregivers.
Guys, I am trying to hold|this unstable alliance together.
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Iong" enough to defeat Nor's army,|and you guys are talking concubines? If you'll just take a moment|to inspect these women.
I do not inspect women, Ching.
|I'm telling you that.
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That this could be|a really good custom.
Chief.
Trouble in Smallville.
- What kind?|- Don't know.
- What are the facts?|- Can't get any.
- Who there have you talked to?|- No one.
Clark's hometown is Smallville.
|Have Lois get in touch with him.
- She can't.
|- Why not? I'm not sure.
Boy, you're just a fountain|of information.
How in the sam hill do you even know|there's trouble? A U.
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Spy satellite shows a force field|of unknown origin sealing the city off.
A team of investigators|are on their way.
Hey, Chief, take a look at this.
live from Smallville, Kansas.
Judas Priest.
Scooped.
My very special guest today|is Lord Nor of New Krypton.
Welcome.
- Thank you, Leeza.
|- So, what brings you to Earth? We're a caring planet, Leeza.
An advanced culture sharing its bounty|with a more primitive one.
Mr.
Nor, the tough questions: Why|a force field? Why over the entire city? Well, I don't have to talk to you|about crime, Leeza.
The field is basically a protective device|to keep the town safe from intruders.
And not to keep|the people of Smallville in? Well, that's up to them.
Needless to say, it would be vastly safer|for them to remain inside.
- And how would leaving endanger them?|- Well, they'd be killed, by me.
These people are your prisoners.
Well, "prisoners"|is such a pejorative term.
- What would you call them?|- Students.
I aim to educate the people to accept me|as their unquestioned ruler.
And what more do you want? To educate the entire world|along similar lines.
Well, in fact, if there are any kings,|presidents, princes.
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or interested world leaders listening,|we really should get together.
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to discuss the rapid transfer|of global power to me.
You can't expect legitimate|heads of state to accept this situation.
Indeed.
And if there's any "doubt.
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we'll start killing two quivering citizens|of Smallville every day.
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until we get a polite response.
Starting with these two.
What are your feelings|about being executed? Concubines? I thought this|was some great, evolved civilization.
I mean, look at me, I'm on a leash.
Yeah, well, look at the outfit|they put me in.
Well, actually, I don't mind yours.
So this must be the bridal bed? Comfy.
I suppose.
And my Clark, a married man.
|A married lord.
You know, I was meaning|to ask you, Clark: - Just how married are you?|- What? Well, I know that you feel an obligation|to your people.
And you are a pretty thorough guy|when it comes to details.
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and you do look good, really great,|in the new suit.
Better than the blue and the cape? Oh, no, I'm not knocking the blue suit,|it's just that this is "more.
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" More.
And I know that you got married|in good faith.
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and you are a man of your word.
How married are you? Lois.
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I promised you first.
I can't even explain how frustrating|all this has been for me.
Posing as a husband.
Stumbling|over these very strange customs.
I'm asked to lead people who don't even|completely trust me.
And the only time that I feel real|is inside my head.
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thinking about you.
Well, I'm here now.
Do you mind? I'm on the clock here.
Forgive me, sir, but Lord Nor|has captured the village of Smallville.
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and claimed it as his own.
There's the target, gentlemen.
All right, move back.
- I know.
|- Target in sight.
Attention, space creatures.
I am Colonel Ambrose Cash,|United States Army.
We are giving you a chance to throw|down your arms and surrender at once.
Is it worth reminding the colonel|that these Kryptonians are invincible.
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and the only ones in danger|are the people of Smallville? - Sir.
|- Lieutenant, we are under orders.
These United States|ain't theirs for the taking.
Yeah, those devils are ignoring us.
|Open fire.
Okay.
Return and tell your people.
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never again to attempt|these amateurish tactics.
You can't stop us.
Chief.
Chief, the U.
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's ordered|the world's "military.
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to stand down|for the next 48 hours.
They wanna negotiate|with the Kryptonians.
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sell them on the American dream.
Of course.
I lost men out there.
|Bunch of weaklings.
Mr.
White, the Kryptonian high command|is commandeering this building.
Now, just hold on there.
Aren't you|the fella that took Superman away? He's also the one|that's bringing him back, chief.
Look.
- Superman.
|- Cool outfit.
Mr.
White, forgive the intrusion, but the|Kryptonian force needs to be dealt with.
This communications center would make|a great base, if that's all right.
- Yeah, sure.
|- Then I'll move in too.
- Keep an eye on you.
|- Lois? - I want.
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|- Jimmy, do me a favor.
Get Dr.
Klein on the phone, please.
|What's the current status of Smallville? All the water and power's|been cut off.
Kryptonians don't need water or food.
|The ones being hurt are the people.
Dr.
Klein, it's Olsen from the "Planet.
"|Hold for Superman.
Dr.
Klein? It's me.
|I'll need your kryptonite "specimen.
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removed from the vault.
|It may be the only resolution.
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to the Smallville situation.
I don't know what kryptonite is, but|if Lord Nor has been behaving illegally.
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lf? He's holding|an entire town hostage.
Why this incessant worry|about this stupid town? Well, maybe Kal-El has a plan|of his own.
We don't know what's going on inside|the force field and can't penetrate it.
But if we could find a way of infiltrating,|we could look around.
I could go too.
My fiancé is from there,|and I know the place.
Sir, I really must request|that the wishes of the elders be heeded.
And I really must insist|that we do as I say.
All right, Superman.
And who are you|to insist we do anything? Who am I, Jen Mai? I am your commander.
This is the green, my lord.
- Move along, earthling.
|- Says here this is the most important.
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part of the game.
|- Really? Left arm remains straight.
- Eye remains on the ball.
|- Fascinating.
I could love this game.
The grass surrounding the cup|is shorter and sturdier.
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and should be trimmed|to five-eighths of an inch.
Keep it moving there.
Sand trap.
Sand trap.
|Why would you wanna trap sand? Very strange game.
Hi, Mom, Dad.
- Clark.
|- Honey, I can't believe.
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- Clark had to return because of Lord Nor.
|- He's here, son.
- He's made us into his slaves.
|- I know.
So we're gonna become slaves too,|see if we can't undo all this mess.
Concubine to slave.
|Is that a step down? - What's that?|- Someone has to stand up to you.
I'd rather burn the damn goIf course|than be your slave on it.
Hey.
Back to the village.
- Back to work.
Clean up this green.
|- You, carry the rebel.
- Nice flip.
|- Heads or tails? Hey.
Somebody call for a cab? Look at our troops.
A lifetime|of Kryptonian discipline forgotten.
Don't be so insufferably dull.
All that discipline's left them starved|for a little debauchery.
What's the harm? Well, it certainly|wouldn't be allowed at home.
It certainly wouldn't.
Which is why so many of our comrades|will leave that wretched rock.
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and follow me here to paradise.
My lord, townspeople are begging|for water.
- Their tongues are blistered with thirst.
|- The point being? They'll have what's rationed to them|and not a drop more.
- They'll have their government to thank.
|- They'll all die slow and horrible deaths.
No, not all.
The lucky ones will be executed.
Come on, you earthlings.
From what I've been able to pick "up.
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their plan is to make city after city|surrender.
Metropolis being first on the list.
Look at us.
I always sort of figured.
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we'd" be on our honeymoon|about right now.
Well, at least you're here with me.
Being without you, that was bad.
- And besides.
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|- What? Well, if you wanna know the truth,|it's kind of exciting.
It just seems to be|the way our life together is.
Oh, God.
Do you think that's|what makes our relationship work? No.
- Okay.
This looks like a good place.
|- For what? You drilled a well? We've gotta get some water|to all these people.
You two, back to work.
Come on, move it along.
Promise me, once in a while|we'll have a quiet evening at home.
Yes.
Here you go.
Here's some water.
|Okay.
Careful.
Drink it slow.
Hey, Drull, see that old guy|over there? Use him as your target.
|You watching, prisoner? - No, please, I'm begging you.
No.
|- All right, Drull, freeze it.
Excellent.
A most efficient|manner of execution.
Come on.
Prepare to die.
Who are you to be accusing me? I saw all that food you were hoarding.
|It's not fair.
- She's lying.
Liar!|- I am not.
I saw it myself.
Oh, don't you push me.
|Don't you touch me! - What are you doing?|- Get your hands off me.
Stop it! Stop it.
Who do you think you are?|Get away from me! Stop at once.
Ran, Drull, do you see|what's happened? You fools.
You've lost control|of these wretches.
We'll find him, Lord Nor.
It's not just the worthless prisoner,|the whole mood of the town is changing.
And I believe I know why.
I've just received some disturbing news|from an unimpeachable source.
Jonathan and Martha Kent,|show yourselves.
Let's see how much he cares|for Mom and Dad.
Let's go.
Out of the way.
Move aside.
It's okay.
- Come on, old man.
|- Leave them alone.
- Martha.
|- What are you gonna do? Let's go.
I told you you'd be the first to go|if I didn't get what I want.
Well.
.
.
.
.
.
what I want is Kal-El.
Lord Kal-El? I know you're among us.
I'm still waiting, Kal-El.
And I assure you.
.
.
.
.
.
my credentials in the field|of excruciating death are impeccable.
What do you want with me, Nor? Where do I start? I want your throne, Kal-El.
And I want your world.
And I want you gone.
.
.
.
.
.
forever.