Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s04e04 Episode Script

- Hello, wife.
|- Hello, husband.
I still can't believe it.
|We're actually married.
It feels like a dream.
It's not, is it? I mean, I don't mean to be silly, but|on the other hand, given our history.
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Does that feel like a dream? Come true.
To be continued.
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in Hawaii.
- You ready?|- Ready.
I'm missing a bag.
|I must have left it at home.
- Oh, do you mind?|- Honey.
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something tells me we're not|gonna need clothes.
No, but this bag has|that black teddy you bought me.
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in it.
|- This bag? This one? I hope you don't do everything that fast.
There's one way to find out.
What about Hawaii? Hawaii can wait.
We have been through so much.
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just to get to this moment.
Oh, not now.
Don't move.
Oh, hello.
I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.
Well, more to the point, I hope I was.
- Look, I don't know who you are, but.
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|- Actually we've met before, Mr.
Kent.
Although, I doubt if you'd remember.
- I'm.
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|- H.
G.
Wells.
He's the one who took us back|through time to save you as a baby.
That's interesting, you weren't supposed|to remember any of that ever happened.
Yes, but you told me about it when we|ran into Tempus the second time.
Oh, actually, you didn't,|your older you did.
My older me, really? That's good.
It's nice to know that|I have a future.
May I? Do you mind? - Actually.
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|- My older me.
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didn't happen to mention|I'd be stopping by today, did he? - No.
|- That's too bad.
It would be nice to know if this is|all going to work out.
Well, hopefully I'll remember|to tell you next time.
- This is a lovely place you have.
Yes.
|- Thank you.
- I think I'm getting a headache.
|- Oh, great.
It's our honeymoon night.
Which is why I've come,|rather urgently, I'm afraid.
At the risk of sounding indelicate,|you two "haven't.
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" What I'm trying to say "is.
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" Speaking to the point,|you two "haven't.
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consummated|your marriage yet, I hope.
- What?|- No.
I mean, not yet.
No, no.
Good, good, good, then.
- Then I'm not too late.
|- Too late for what? I'm here to help you reverse|a terrible curse.
- A curse?|- Yes, quite.
Cast upon your love centuries ago.
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by a wicked, vindictive soul|who was bound and determined.
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to destroy your love forever.
Right.
I didn't think you'd believe me.
Which is why I wanted to confirm|my suspicions first.
Tomorrow's headline,|if you consummate.
A curse.
Naturally.
Why not? How did you find out about this curse? Initially, with.
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With this.
In its own way, it's a time machine.
But in actuality,|it's much more than that.
I came across it on my future|travels to a time.
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that is quite unlike anything|I'd ever dreamed of.
There I met a fellow inventor.
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who discovered a way to identify|the energies emitted by souls.
- Excuse me?|- You see, every soul.
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has an energy field unique|unto itself.
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a cosmic fingerprint, if you will.
No two exactly alike.
Anyway, I use this device to.
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|To track that energy.
Or to be more precise,|to.
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To backtrack it.
Wait a minute, you're not|seriously talking about past lives? If I remember, my dear,|you were equally skeptical.
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about time travel when we first met.
Okay, let's just say|for argument's "sake.
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that this does|what you say it does.
What's that have|to do with this curse? Well, that's how I first|found out about it.
L.
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I used the device.
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to track your soul through time.
- Why mine?|- I just simply chose.
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the most powerful personality|I knew: Superman.
And I.
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I discovered something.
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quite remarkable along the way.
It seems that your soul|is intertwined with hers.
Like.
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soul mates.
- Soul mates.
|- Wherever his was, there was yours.
Never without the other.
Two lovers destined|to meet and fall in love.
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over and over again throughout time.
Anyway, anyway,|that's the good news.
The bad news is.
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unless you go to the time of|the curse and stop it from being cast.
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tragedy will strike you down|in every lifetime, every time you.
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consummate.
And usually, it's very painful.
Do we even have a choice? - Abstinence.
|- No way.
- No, not a chance.
Forget it.
|- Right, right, right.
Well.
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Here goes.
Never actually.
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tried this before.
Where are we? What am I wearing? Where's Lois? Duck.
- I'm bleeding.
|- Sorry, I forgot to tell you.
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your" super powers don't work|in this incarnation.
That's kind of an important thing|to forget, don't you think? Holy mother of God, the Fox.
We captured the Fox.
We got the Fox.
Be sharp, he's a crafty one.
Look, there must be|some kind of mistake here.
Drop it.
- Okay.
|- Well, well, what have we here? - Tempus?|- That's Baron Tempos to you.
Baron Tempos? Oh, dear.
Don't you remember me? I'm the bad guy who collects|horrendously unfair taxes.
And you're the good guy who robs me|blind and gives it all back to the poor.
- Lois.
|- Clark.
- Clark? Who's Clark?|- Clark.
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She means me.
I'm Clark.
Sir Clark.
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of Kent.
Really.
Good God, don't tell "me.
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that's what the Saxons|are wearing now.
But I digress.
Where was I? Oh, yes, I remember.
Behead the Fox.
- No.
|- Let's see you get out of this one.
Nicely done.
Great shades of Caesar,|the ambush worked to perfection.
Three cheers for the Fox.
- Hip-hip.
|- Hooray.
- Hip-hip,|- Hooray.
- Hip-hip.
|- Hooray.
Perry? Harry, son.
Friar Harry.
What's the matter, get conked|on the head or something? Come with us, baron.
Take your hands off of me|or I'll run you through.
I said unhand me, you churls.
The crime for roughing up|a ruffian is decapitation.
- Clark, you're hurt.
Are you okay?|- Yeah.
I've got a better idea.
Why don't I take your "gold.
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then run you through.
Wait, wait, no.
If we stoop to his ways,|we're no better than he.
Let's just make him|walk home in defeat.
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without Lady Loisette.
That's a great idea.
Humiliate the man.
All right, all right, you heard the Fox.
Let's move.
After you, baron.
You have not seen the last of me.
- Move it.
|- You'll burn in hell.
No, hell's too good.
|I'll send you to Ireland.
I should've known an incarnation|of Tempus was behind the curse.
I mean his hatred of Superman|transcends time.
Wait a minute, I have a few questions.
Why are we here dressed like|Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
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and" you haven't changed?|- The answer lies in the fact.
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that this is about your lives,|your circle of friends.
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your destiny, see, not mine.
|I'm merely a guide.
Like a.
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Well, a narrator in a play.
Then why am I here?|I'm not even from this planet.
Perhaps Clark Kent "isn't.
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but your soul.
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it comes from beyond planets,|beyond time.
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where we.
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Where we all come from.
The power of your love is what brings|your souls together time after time.
You see, that is the one absolute.
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wherever she is, you are.
Together but eternally teased.
Milord.
Mom, Dad? Milord, time is short.
|You should come with us to our cave.
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before Baron Tempos|returns with troops.
She's right.
If Tempos discovers|your identity, he'll have your head.
Oh, no, not this secret-identity|stuff again.
Find me Sir Charles, now.
Really, sorcerer, you must|stop talking to rodents.
- It completely undermines your credibility.
|- Baron.
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I feel a strange magic.
A force unlike any other|has entered our sphere.
Never mind,|I have more pressing concerns.
The Fox has stolen Lady Loisette|from me.
And I simply can't have that.
I hate it when the hero gets the heroine.
|It's so cliché.
Why do you want to force her|to marry you anyway? Simply to rule over her fiefdom? Why, sure, power's fun.
But the added bonus.
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is that it will destroy|the Fox because she's his girl.
That's why I want you|to make her love me.
Would that I could, sire.
Unfortunately, spells can enchant,|and they can damn.
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but they can never force|the ways of a heart.
You're sure about that? You've talked to all the other sorcerers? - Positive.
|- Very well.
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I'll" try a more conventional|approach first.
But if that fails.
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I want you to prepare|your most diabolical curse.
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and doom their love for all time.
- Gladly.
|- I'm not saying I'm "buying.
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into any of this stuff yet.
But it is kind of bizarre that Tempus|of all people is behind the curse.
I mean, if it was Lex Luthor,|I could understand, but.
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What? - It's the pants, isn't it? They're too tight.
|- No, no.
They're perfect.
I just never get over|how well defined you are.
Thank you.
Oh, here, let me help.
- You know what I was thinking?|- We need to get back to our honeymoon.
That's what I was thinking.
- Yes?|- So sorry about that.
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but your parents just told me|something very interesting.
It seems that Sir Charles|and Lady Loisette are secretly in love.
And that is why he, the Fox,|you, ambushed Tempos.
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to get her away from him.
|- Sounds like something I'd do.
Yes, the problem is|that could very well be.
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the event that triggered|the curse, you see.
If so, we could already be too late.
Your horse, milord.
Come, come, you can beg|better than that.
That'll be all, squire.
- Sir Charles?|- Jimmy? Milord? Never mind.
Where's Tempos? He's been looking all over for you.
|I'll tell him you're here.
So now you're being nice to me, eh? Nice rat.
What's his name? Her name is Morgana.
She's my wife, actually.
At least she was until|I caught her in the arms of another.
Perks of being a sorcerer.
Wait till you see what I'm cooking|up for the Fox.
What have we here? My prized knight has deigned|to make an appearance, has he? Your eyes betray you.
You don't much|like stooping to me, do you? As a rule, no, baron.
That's what I like about you, Charles.
You're fearless.
Which is precisely why|I want you to duel the Fox.
- In my name, of course.
|- That's impossible.
Impossible, why? Because.
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The Fox is on the loose.
Well, not for long,|I assure you.
He will be captured, and when he is.
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you will defeat him for all to see.
And after the Fox is vanquished|once and for all.
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I will marry Lady Loisette.
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and live happily ever after.
Clark, it's about time.
|I was getting worried.
I'm supposed to be out|searching for the Fox.
Baron Tempos wants me|to duel him for your love.
You fighting you for me?|Well, that should be interesting.
What about the curse,|has it been cast yet? I don't think so.
You do not|wanna mess with that sorcerer.
The guy's married to a rat.
- Pardon?|- The point is, the original Sir Charles.
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came back for Lady Loisette like me.
|But he ran off with her, never to return.
Which means Tempos|wasn't able to marry her.
That must be what triggered the curse.
Question is, how can we stop|the curse from being triggered? Who wants wild boar? Something wrong? Hey.
Did you ever wonder|if our relationship is jinxed, Clark? Not just here, but everywhere.
What do you mean? I mean jinxed.
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like" it's not meant to be.
Just look at everything|we've had to overcome.
- Lois.
|- Clark, I'm serious.
Maybe we're missing the obvious here.
Maybe it's time we stopped "pretending.
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and started looking|at the writing on the wall.
I mean, it just seems like|every time we turn around.
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every time we try|and take the next step.
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something is in our way trying|to keep us from getting there.
When you add it up like that.
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it's" a lot.
Maybe that's the point.
Maybe what this really is, is a test.
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to see how badly|we wanna be together.
Maybe it's up to "us.
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to" decide if it's meant to be.
What do you think? I think there's a very good reason|why we're soul mates.
Forgive me for interrupting.
Are you kidding? We could|set our clocks by it.
Quite right.
Time is of the essence.
|And I think I have an idea.
What would you think|if we found a way.
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to have the Fox duel|Baron Tempos himself.
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and lose to him? It might keep the curse|from ever being cast, I guess.
You'd return to your honeymoon.
That would leave the Fox|to spend the rest of his life.
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at the mercy of Baron Tempos.
Isn't that preferable to the "alternative.
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him having to endure the first|of a never-ending string of tragedies? What about Lady Loisette? We can't just let her be stuck|with the baron.
If I know her, and I think I do.
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she can handle him.
- Lois, I.
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I.
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|- Clark.
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I wanna go home now.
I wanna turn on some soft music.
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and open that champagne and finish|what we started in the 20th Century.
Foreplay is great, but this is ridiculous.
I'll need my green tights.
Twelve o'clock, turn around.
Heard you were looking for me, Tempos.
|Careful, careful.
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you" wouldn't wanna|make a martyr of me, would you? Search the area for Lady Loisette.
After all, foxes mate for life.
Tempos.
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it's just you and me.
|- Don't be ridiculous.
I'm a baron, I have people|for that sort of thing.
I only duel nobility.
Where is Sir Charles? Right in front of you.
Sir Charles, you're the Fox?|I love it.
Well, of course,|it all makes perfect sense.
Never in the same place|at the same time.
Always ducking away and returning|with some lame excuse.
I can't believe I was actually fooled|by a little mask over the eyes.
Join the club.
Sir Charles is right.
|This fight to the death.
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is between him and me.
Fight to the what? - Oh, dear, dear.
|- You two.
What are we gonna do?|If you let him win, he'll kill you.
- I know.
But maybe that's the only way.
|- Are you crazy? What would happen to me or Clark.
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if Sir Charles, you know?|- Yes, well, I'm not sure.
Although, souls never die,|so it really shouldn't affect Clark.
Is there a more noble way to die|than for love, Sir Charles? I don't wanna die.
If that's what it takes|for us to be together.
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it's easy.
|- Clark, no.
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- Clark.
|- All right, Tempos, you want me? - Come and get me.
|- With pleasure.
Drat.
My sword.
Sir Charles.
I hope you believe in the afterlife.
No.
Stop.
Wait.
If you spare his life, I'll marry you.
- Lois.
|- Well, that's touching.
But if I don't spare his life,|you'll be forced to marry me anyway.
What do I get out of the deal? The one thing|you can't force: My fidelity.
- Lois, you can't|- I accept.
On one condition, nonnegotiable.
Sir Charles is to leave the country,|never to return.
Not that I don't trust you, "milady.
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but why tempt temptation? He accepts.
I can't let you die.
Fetch the bishop.
Tell him he's got a wedding to perform.
No, no, no.
You must not.
No, remember what you're doing it for.
Have faith in your love.
We're back at "The Planet.
" Yeah.
Quite good.
- Where's Lois?|- Lois, well, I'm not quite sure.
- What?|- Well, just, Lois, Lois.
Where is Lois? Lois, are you all right? Yeah, I think so.
We're back.
We did it.
- We reversed the curse.
|- Lois.
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Honey, what in the King's|name are you doing here? Shouldn't you be|at your wedding now? Don't you mean our|honeymoon, Jimmy? Great shades of Elvis, have you lost your|mind? What's the matter with you? Better not let Tempus|see you doing that.
- Tempus?|- Tempus? Oh, dear.
I'm afraid something's|gone terribly wrong.
Tempus a king?|We don't even have kings.
Plus, he is supposed to be in prison.
- What is going on?|- I don't know.
I don't know.
- I don't know.
|- Look, you said.
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if" we reversed the curse we'd be able|to consummate.
- Well, we reversed it, didn't we?|- By changing history, yes.
We didn't have a choice.
|That was the way to stop the curse.
History is held in delicate balance.
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with infinite consequences|to even the most remote.
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or seemingly insignificant change.
It's quite possible to.
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Well, that by allowing|Baron Tempos to defeat the Fox.
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we unwittingly allowed evil|to defeat good.
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in a time and place.
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it had not done so before.
You see, that, over time,|could very well have shifted.
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the balance of power|in the favor of evil.
Which would explain|why Tempus is now a king.
- I'm afraid so, quite.
|- Can't we just have a "honeymoon.
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like a normal couple?|Is that too much to ask for? We obviously can't leave things|the way they are.
So, what do we do? We must go back|and defeat Tempus this time.
We must shift the power back to good.
- Won't that trigger the curse again?|- No, not if we travel back.
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to a more recent incarnation|of yours, you see.
To a time when curses didn't exist.
You mean, a different lifetime? Yes, as a matter of fact.
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that's precisely what I mean.
Just another day in the life|of Lois and Clark.
Oh, boy.
Hey, what's going on? Come on, get up front.
Get up there, boy.
Any final words, Lone Rider? - There he is.
|- Reveal your secret identity, perhaps? Lone Rider? Last chance, Lulu.
Just say the magic words, darling,|that's all I require.
Magic words? I don't.
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Lulu? All right Tempus Tex.
That's enough.
- Let him down.
|- You forget what happened.
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to the last three sheriffs, sheriff? Ticktock, darling, ticktock.
Very well.
- Pull.
|- No, no.
If you spare his life, I'll marry you? - No.
|- I accept.
On one condition, nonnegotiable.
The Lone Rider is to ride out of town,|never to retur.
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Talk about your déjà vu.
Shoot, missed high.
You made a wise decision, Lulu.
|You and your dowry.
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are gonna make me a very rich man.
- Can you whistle?|- What? Whistle.
- Hey.
|- Come here, boy.
After him, you cretins.
My hero.
- Pretty romantic, huh?|- Very.
Hello, hello.
So sorry to interrupt.
Some things never change.
In any lifetime.
All right, I beat Tempus|and I got Lois back.
Let's get out|before they catch up to us.
If only if it was that simple.
Now, wait a minute, you said that Clark|had to defeat Tempus.
- He did that.
|- Well, temporarily perhaps.
You see, I just had a conversation|with a passing.
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What do you Yanks call them? - Yes, a buckaroo, who informed me.
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that Tempus Tex is holding hostages|near and dear to Lulu.
Insurance, apparently, to, you know.
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make sure that the wedding goes.
|The short of is.
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you" haven't defeated Tempus|until you've saved them first.
Great.
Did the buckaroo say where Tempus|was holding them or who it was? Unfortunately, no, no, no.
- What are you doing?|- I'm looking for your secret identity.
Dual personas does seem|to be a part of your destiny.
Yeah, and trouble seems|to be part of mine.
Bingo.
- You sure this is gonna work?|- Please.
Who are you talking to? Hurry.
Get.
Oh, thank goodness, there you are.
I'm so glad you're here.
Is that a fact? And where, pray tell,|is that pesky Lone Rider? He rode off.
And I screamed for help|and I was rescued.
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by this mild-mannered|telegraph operator.
Really? Well, how fortuitous, sir,|that you just happened to be here.
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out in the middle of nowhere.
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miles from the nearest telegraph.
Have we met before? You look awfully familiar.
- I have that kind of face.
|- So you do.
I don't even wanna know who you are.
Well, come, my dear.
We better get on with our wedding|before you require any more rescuing.
I'm forever in you debt, sir.
I trust our paths will cross again.
Bet on it.
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sir.
I signed the prenuptial agreement.
Now, why don't you|release the hostages? Hostages? What hostages? Is that the only reason|you signed over your land to me? Because I've got your parents strapped|to an old barrel of dynamite? My parents? That's who you're holding?|Oh, you are evil incarnate.
Why, sure, is that a bad thing? In any event, I don't have anything|until I have your hand.
I feel like I've been chasing that forever.
That said, if you don't become|my wife in exactly 10 minutes.
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I'm" afraid next up on the preacher's|docket will be mom and dad's funeral.
Ten minutes? All right, let's get this wedding|on the road here.
He's got my parents tied up to dynamite.
And it's gonna go blow up|in 10 minutes unless I marry him.
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which means evil wins|and we're screwed.
Don't worry, I'll find them.
This sounds like a job.
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for the Lone Rider.
|- Yes, quite.
- Shall we?|- Ladies and gentlemen.
We're gathered here today to join|these two fine people in holy matrimony.
I'm not used to doing this without|the flower girl.
Sweetie, maybe you.
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He must have them rigged|to some kind of trigger mechanism.
- Where do we start? We got 5 minutes.
|- Perhaps it would be helpful.
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to think in terms of where the Tempus|as we know might hide them.
- Why?|- Well, we've seen how each "soul.
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expresses itself in a unique|yet consistent manner.
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from lifetime to lifetime.
And it's that consistency,|that fingerprint.
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which time cannot erase.
I mean, it is who we are|and always will be.
Do you, Tempus Tex, take this woman.
.
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.
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.
to be your lawfully wedded wife.
.
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to have and to hold.
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.
|- I do.
Sorry, this is the point where|the villain accelerates things.
Now skip on down.
Okay, let's see, he's.
.
.
|He's power hungry, vindictive, evil.
Perhaps a more specific character trait.
One that categorically defines him.
Well, his ego without a doubt.
- Yes.
|- That's why he has a "camera.
.
.
" .
.
.
almost before they were even|invented.
Leave it to Tempus to.
.
.
Wait a minute.
The camera.
Since when did telegraph lines|run to outhouses? And how many are guarded? Come on.
Do you, Lulu, take this man.
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to be your lawfully wedded|husband to ha.
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.
- Skip on down, reverend.
|- Till death do you part? Answer the good reverend.
Could you repeat the question? Oh, yes, quite.
Terribly sorry, I didn't realize|that there was a line.
Whoops, old habit.
Not bad for no super powers, huh? Wait, you're Lois? Lulu's parents? Time's up, Lulu.
It's now or never.
Well, in that case,|I think I'll choose never.
And in your case, Tempus,|I do choose never.
Literally.
Why, Lulu, I'm crushed.
Jilted at the altar|was not part of my plans.
Oh, well.
.
.
I guess this fairy tale|gets an unhappy ending.
Take the picture, George.
Now.
All right, Tempus, it's over.
- You've run out of lives.
|- Whatever that means.
I don't know if you've noticed,|but I hate to lose.
Especially to you.
|Willing to die for your love, are you? Wouldn't be the first time.
Oh, quite good, quite good.
- Doesn't that hurt?|- Yeah, but I'm kind of starting to like it.
All right, sheriff? He's all yours.
Gladly.
I'll see you at home, honey.
I wanna talk to Mr.
Eastman|about that new camera.
Okay, honey.
Let's go, Tempus.
So you're my parents? Of course.
Apparently, you were left|on their doorstep as a child.
Isn't that weird? I wonder if you got my parents? You saved our town|from the evil Tempus Tex.
How can we ever repay you? You already have.
.
.
.
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or will.
It is time.
- We have to go.
|- But we'll see you soon.
We're back.
I think.
Yeah, but did anything change? Lois.
.
.
.
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honey, what in the King's|name are you doing? - Wait a minute.
King? Did you say King?|- Well, yeah sure.
Hey, ace.
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do I know you? Aren't you two supposed|to be on your honeymoon? Our honeymoon? So far so good.
The paper.
Where's the paper? "Congressman resigns over controversy.
" - What a relief.
|- Congressman? - Did we miss a scoop, Jimmy?|- What about Tempus? - Is he still the king?|- Tempus? King? What the hell is she talking about? She's had a really long day, chief.
Okay.
Come on, Jimmy, let's "let.
.
.
" .
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.
these two lovebirds find their nest.
Right, chief.
Hey, have fun, you guys.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Excuse me.
|- No problem, Jimmy.
Hey, Jimmy.
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something tells me|that you should ask her out.
Really? You think she'd say yes? Trust me.
The curse is broken.
|Good and evil are in balance.
And love has conquered all.
Destiny has blessed you both|with each other, no small gift indeed.
There's many people|who travel alone through.
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well, their whole lives.
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and envy what you two|have together greatly.
Try to remember that the next time|the gods decide to test you.
Now.
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where were we? Hello, husband.
Hello, wife.
Now, that's what I call getting|carried over the threshold.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Oh, wow, I'm beat.
You're kidding.
Honey, please tell me you're kidding.
Don't move.
You know, I know this is|our first time and everything.
And I really want everything|to be perfect.
But if you had your heart|set on Hawaii.
.
.
".
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I'd" really understand.
You were saying.
Didn't spill a drop.
I don't want anything|to cloud this moment.
A moment we're destined for.
That's what makes it so special.
I love you, Clark Kent.
I love you.
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Lois Lane.